


After The Rain

by ladyamesindy



Series: Serafina Shepard [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:06:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 201,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyamesindy/pseuds/ladyamesindy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Reapers have been defeated, the galaxy has been saved and the time for rebuilding has come ... but that was just the beginning for Commander Serafina Shepard.  </p><p>Based off my Shepard's playthrough of all ME games and the Destroy ending (extended cut) of ME3.  This is my take on the next chapter in Shepard's adventures.  Many of the characters from in-game will appear, as will several original characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

  
  
  
  
“Lieutenant.”  The image appearing before her was rather fuzzy, but the voice came through loud and clear.  
  
“Sir!”  Shannon snapped to attention quickly, hand rising in a smart salute that the Admiral acknowledged out of instinct.  Though their contact was via vidcom, protocol was to be observed at all times.  
  
“You have your orders?”  
  
“Aye aye, admiral,” Shannon returned quickly and with a nod.  “All of it.”  
  
“Good.  No need for me to explain to you the importance of this mission then?”  
  
Shannon shook her head immediately.  “No, sir.  And,” she added quietly and on impulse, “even if your reasons were not valid or clear enough, we would do it anyway.”  
  
For all his professional mein, Admiral Hackett did manage a quirk of a smile then.  “Lieutenant -”  
  
“It’s a matter of honor, sir.  He trained us.  Believed in us when few others did.  Hell, he even tried tracking us down during the war, just to make sure we’d survived the initial attack.  This is a small thing we can do for him in return.”  Shannon hoped the admiral wouldn’t press it much further.  Every one of them who had been his students had heard the stories of Eden Prime, Virmire, Ilos and more.  Some had even been able to read more into the major’s stories than the lessons he’d intended.  All knew that in recent months, he had returned to her side to help in the fight against the Reapers.  Within her own group, each had their own individual reasons for wanting to be a part of this mission, and she would be damned if she was going to give any of the other squads a chance to squeeze in on her opportunity.  She and her group had been _chosen_ for this duty.  “None of us would have survived the Reaper occupation without his training, sir.”  
  
Hackett nodded once.   _Truer words had never been spoken_.  “Go to it then, lieutenant,” he acknowledged.  “And keep me informed.”  
  
Shannon saluted smartly once more.  “Yes, sir.  I’ll send you a message once we’ve returned to Vancouver.”  Though the damage to Allied Command there had been extensive, it was still the best equipped location, at least medically.  All things being equal, and if they were incredibly lucky, she would have the best chance for care and survival there.  
  
Shannon was about to disconnect the vid when she realized that the admiral still had something to say.  It took him a moment, and Shannon found herself wondering at his hesitation, but all he added was, “Luck be with you.”  One more salute and the connection was broken.  Frowning, Shannon departed the communications room, waving at the signals officer as she did so to inform him that she was done.  As she exited the compound and began making her way through the halls, her focus shifted towards the mission ahead.  Had there been a veiled warning in there with the admiral’s hesitation?  Some emotion?  Something else?  The Reapers, and with them their assorted minions, had been destroyed just hours before.  Complete and utter destruction, as Shannon and her team had been able to observe from close up, personal experience.  So why would the admiral be warning her that a threat still existed?  
  
Unless it was sheer exhaustion and months of living on the run, fighting to survive day to day, minute to minute, that was finally catching up to her and she was reading more into the situation than there was.  Logic had her believing that was probably it … though gut instinct was still screaming something else.  
  
She found her team not far away, grouped together where she had left them not a half hour before in a corner of what was rapidly becoming a congregation area for scattered and broken units of Alliance troops.  Walking up to them, her mind still on the mission ahead, she spoke on instinct.  “Corporal Jordan?”  
  
“Docking bay C-4, Lieutenant,” he informed her.  The reply was quick and concise … and the significance of his announcement was not lost on her, a small smile pulling at her lips at the designation.   _C-4_.  Before the war, in her spare time, Shannon had been a history buff.  She often found herself teased about this, but in one respect it gave her a needed moment of ease just then.   _C-4 … the name of the powerful explosive used in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries._  “Powerful explosive.”  Shannon’s smile widened just a bit more.  A good omen, indeed, if one was to believe in such things, especially for a black ops biotics unit known to be ‘explosive’ in style and technique.  “Right then,” she announced, glancing at the others in turn.  “Double time, folks.  This one is from the top, and I mean _very_ top.  I will brief you when we’re en route.”  And with that, she grabbed her gear that she’d left with them when summoned for the conversation with the Admiral and began leading them towards the docking bay.  


* * *

  
  
The Citadel.  The place was utterly and completely devastated, Shannon reflected as the squad attempted to make their way in the general direction of the, well, ‘command and control center’ for lack of a better description, though it looked anything but like that now.  They were being guided by the last coordinates that Admiral Hackett’s people had on their objective before the order to destroy had been given.  It had placed her in this general area, and their navpoints were been updated appropriately, but the going was rough.  She’d lost track already just how long they had been at this.   _Such a large area to search._   
  
The Citadel, once resplendent in it’s beauty and indicative of the cooperation between galactic species now was a shell of its former glory.  The place looked like a nuclear bomb had been set off.   _Or worse,_ Shannon mused.  From the few reports she had heard, most of the damage had been done by the energy beam that the Crucible had shot out, which was understandable given what she and her team had experienced back on Earth at the time, she supposed.  In London, surrounded by Reapers and minions until a bright orangish glow had encompassed everything surrounding them … and then suddenly, it had been all over.  But despite the extensive damage and destruction, upon arrival Shannon and her team had found that the gravitational settings on the Citadel had survived intact.  Just to be safe, however, they were utilizing their mag boots and enviro helms.    
  
Wilson and Jordan took the left, Sanders and Nichols the right, and Shannon herself searched up the middle.  Their mission was clear: they had to find something - a body at most, her dog tags at the very least.  They needed some sort of proof as to what happened to her.  They were nearly two-thirds of the way through their current search grid, though, and they had yet to find anything.  But Shannon was determined.  She would lead them through the area again if necessary.  According to the admiral, the galaxy needed to know what had happened to their hero.  As far as Shannon was concerned, her mentor deserved to know above all else.    
  
“Lieutenant!”  
  
Shannon’s head snapped to her right.  Sanders was gesticulating wildly in her direction to get her attention while Nichols busily tossed pieces of rubble behind him in an effort to clear the way.  “Wilson,” Shannon ordered sharply, “get the med kit; Jordan, help them now!”   As she spoke, she too hurried over to assist.  Could they be so fortunate to find her?  
  
Sanders approached Shannon as she neared.  “Ma’am, it’s … it’s a body,” the twenty-year old, though now veteran recruit thanks to the Reapers, explained with unabashed excitement.  “N7 markings on her armor and tags and everything!  And she’s alive!  Barely breathing, but alive!”  
  
“Wilson!”  Shannon didn’t even realize she’d shouted for him again until she heard him hollering back, “Grabbing the stretcher too, ma’am!”  
  
It took Shannon and the others another ten minutes of very careful maneuvering of metal, concrete and other debris before they had cleared enough of a space for Wilson, their squad medic, to get in close enough to check upon her.  As he did so, Shannon knelt down on the other side.  The armor was so badly damaged and mangled that it was hardly recognizable as such, and what skin she could see through fabric tears and burns appeared to be badly bruised, scraped and burned.  Only the dog tags, hanging precariously around her neck, identified the woman specifically as their objective.  
  
“Dear God!”  
  
Shannon grunted her annoyance at Wilson’s exclamation.  “Get her as stable as you can,” she ordered.  “We need to get her earthside and under medical treatment immediately!”  
  
“Give us fifteen, ma’am,” Jordan announced, sliding into place beside Shannon so that he could assist Wilson.  “We’ll be ready to go.”  
  
Nodding, Shannon rose and moved away from them, searching for some area that might provide her with enough space for a decent transmission.  It took a change of location or two, the debris and God knew what else floating around in the air affecting the transmission, but finally she was able to get through.  “Baker?”  
  
“Ma’am!”  
  
“Uploading our exact coordinates now.  Can you pull in any closer?  We need to evac ASAP.”  
  
There was another pause, but the pilot soon came back with, “Still going to be a bit of a jaunt, ma’am.  There’s just too much damage to make it in and back out safely.  And -”  
  
Shannon frowned as Baker was cut off for a moment and all she could hear was static coming from the pilot’s end.  Turning, she found Wilson and Jordan securing the last straps to the stretcher before grabbing their gear.  “Baker, we’re headed your way now.  You might want to alert Vancouver we’ll be inbound, too.”  
  
But there was an edge to Baker’s voice as she was reconnected.  “Ma’am - be advised.  There’s another unit in your vicinity. They flew right by me and landed on the other side just moments ago.  Acting reckless and in a hurry, if you ask me.  They seem to be forcing their way in closer, regardless of safety issues.”  
  
“Alliance?”  Shannon doubted it, though she had no idea who else it could be at this point.  Why would Admiral Hackett send another unit after specifically asking hers to do this?  And who else would be around but the Alliance or one of their allies?  
  
There was a long pause.  “Gut instinct says no, ma’am,” Baker finally replied.  
  
Shannon sighed.  Baker’s ‘gut instinct’ was famous in their black ops division.  More than once it had saved various units from complete and utter destruction by the Reapers.  “This the same gut instinct that got us out of Chicago before the Reapers descended and destroyed the ‘warehouse’?”  Talk about disastrous missions!  
  
“Yes, ma’am.”  
  
“Shit.  On our way.”  Turning, Shannon shouted, “Now!  We leave now!  And we’ve got company - opposition headed in and deemed unfriendly!”  The news did not seem to faze the others, however, Shannon noted with some pride.  If nothing else, their recent war with the Reapers had trained them all to be ready to react to _any_ thing.  Wilson and Jordan moved into position; Nichols took point and Sanders to the rear leaving Shannon to the middle beside the stretcher.  Glancing down as they moved along, Shannon thought she saw the woman’s hand twitch just a bit where it lay strapped in beside her leg.  “Hold on, Commander Shepard,” Shannon muttered as she turned her gaze to her right and then her left, scanning for the opponents Baker had warned them about.  “We’ve not come this far to lose you now.”  
  
“To the left, Lieutenant!”  
  
Shannon grunted at Nichols’ warning and in one fluid motion she turned and sent a shockwave down what used to be a hallway, a wicked smile playing at her lips as she watched the debris scatter and assist her efforts with the attack.  Shots began ringing out then and Shannon realized she was going to owe Baker yet another drink.  The pilot had been right on the nose - again.  “Failure it not an option!” she called out to her squad then as the battle began to unfold before them.  


* * *

 

Part of the beauty of the _Normandy_ came with her smoothness of flight.  The near silence inside the ship, save for the general mechanical hum that could be heard, even felt at times, beneath all other sound, but at least reassured the crew that all was well.  Between this and having the best pilot in the entire galaxy at the helm, it was a sign that all was right in their world at any given time no matter what the actual danger out there was that they were about to face.  
  
As he lay there in the medical bay, Doctor Chakwas working quickly and capably between both him and Liara to stop bleeding, stabilize conditions and determine the worst of the injuries, Kaidan felt just a bit unnerved by an ever increasing _whine_ coming from the engines.  Something was happening, though what, he was not certain.  He’d lost count of how much time had passed since being brought aboard after the near miss with the Mako as they approached the Conduit that would transport them to the Citadel.  The pain in his shoulders was such that it rivaled the migraines he still suffered because of his biotic implant, which was saying quite a bit, and his leg … well, he shuddered to think what damage could have been done there, though the doctor did not seem to be as concerned about it at the moment as he was.  So maybe that was a good thing?  The doctor’s immediate focus right at this moment, though, were Liara’s injuries.  Shepard, despite the pressure that surely must have been driving her to get to the Citadel, had had sense enough to call the _Normandy_ in for an evac.  Smart move, bold even with Harbinger protecting the Conduit at all costs, but also a move that, in itself, was yet another cause for some of the pain that Kaidan was fighting through, though this particular ache was centered in his chest rather than around any of the battle wounds he’d received.  

_“Shepard ….”_

  _She was assisting him to the ramp of the Normandy before calling off to Liara who was hobbling ahead of them, both too injured to continue.  “Get him out of here,” Shepard ordered, her usual no-nonsense manner in battle actually providing a somewhat calming effect for those around her._

  _Disbelief was his first reaction.  “Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” Kaidan protested, making a move to go after her, but Liara managed to get under his shoulder, her arm around his waist just tight enough to keep him from following Shepard back down the ramp._

  _“Don’t argue with me, Kaidan,” Shepard ordered, cutting off his protest as she retreated._

  _And in that moment, his defenses, the ones he’d put into place after they had resumed their relationship to keep her from seeing his fears for her, came tumbling down.  “Don’t … leave me behind.”_

  _That caught her attention, though, and for just a moment, she turned back towards him and he saw in her eyes the truth of her feelings as well as the vulnerability there.  Retracing her steps to speak with him for just a moment, in what little privacy they could find in the middle of a raging battlefield, she reached a hand out to touch his cheek, telling him quietly, “No matter what happens … know that I love you.  Always.”  And then … she was gone, descending the ramp one last time, gesturing sharply towards Liara to pull him inside.  He barely had a chance to call after her, “I love you too.  Be careful,” but the flash of emotion in her eyes just before she turned and ran off in the direction of the Conduit signaled that she heard … just as the Normandy took off and the door closed between them._

  
Watching her run off to face the danger without him beside her hurt almost worse than the physical injuries he’d sustained, but given the extent of his injuries, and Liara’s, no other decision could have been made at the time.  Damned thing was, both of them had known it, whether Kaidan wanted to admit it openly or not.  
  
The whining sound continued to increase, the sound reaching annoyance levels that would soon be triggering one of those migraines Kaidan suffered from if something wasn’t done to stop it and soon.  The fact that it was reaching a point that it could be noticeably detected over the sounds of the medical equipment the doctor was using was a clear indication that something out of the ordinary.  In fact, Kaidan realized all too quickly then that something had to be terribly wrong.  A side glance told him that the doctor was thoroughly occupied with Liara’s injuries, and so he lurched upwards, attempting to swing his legs over the side of the bed and gain his feet.  
  
The doors to the medical bay slid open a moment later, however, and Tali rushed inside.  At the same time, the doctor’s voice could be heard chiding him, “Major, if you try getting out of that bed right now you will simply cause more damage and I have my hands quite full enough at the moment.”  
  
“Safety harnesses,” Tali told them urgently as she continued into the room, her lilting voice sounding just a bit winded even through her enviro mask.  “Joker says -”  
  
Kaidan frowned, but allowed the quarian to push him back onto the bed and secure the harness around him as the doctor quickly moved to do the same for Liara.  It was only afterwards that both the doctor and Tali moved to secure their own harnesses, taking seats nearby.  A quick glance over at Liara assured Kaidan that she was doing well enough for the moment.  Her injuries had not been quite so severe as his after all, but there _had_ been a considerable amount of blood.    
  
“... why didn’t EDI inform us?” Dr. Chakwas was enquiring when Kaidan’s attention returned.    
  
The quarian began some explanation about how EDI had suddenly ceased operating mere moments before she had scrambled down to the medical bay.  Both EDI and the communication systems were down, it seemed, and members from the flight deck were scattering throughout the ship as fast as they could to get the word out as Joker had warned them they were about to go down.  “Joker is trying to fly, to evade … something.  I came in on the discussion late, but my understanding is it’s some sort of energy beam or pulse that was generated from the Crucible.”  
  
“The Crucible?!”  
  
Kaidan felt his breath catch at Tali’s words, his eyes closing tightly as he came to understand what must have happened.  “She …,” he began, a tightness to his voice that came out in a rasping croak, but also kept him from continuing.  
  
“Shepard succeeded.”  Liara’s response was no more or less quiet than his own, but he also sensed the emotion in it.  She and Shepard had been very close as well.    
  
“So it would seem,” Tali concluded.  
  
The ship suddenly lurched hard to port, clear evidence that they were hitting some sort of resistance against _Normandy_ ’s hull.  The whine of the engines ceased then, dropping off quickly and in sharp contrast to the buildup of it in the first place, though whether this was due to a failure or Joker disengaging them for some reason, Kaidan didn’t know.  Moments later, though, the impact of the _Normandy_ landing harshly against something very solid, the restraint system surrounding him biting into his muscles with purpose.    
  
After the initial impact, the sickening crunch of metal upon rock, dirt, vegetation and whatever else they had landed upon, silence settled and surrounded them.  Kaidan’s hands moved immediately to the buckles and straps of his harness, and before either the doctor or Tali could move to stop him, he managed to scramble somewhat awkwardly from the medical bay and out into the main compartment.  “Major Alenko - Kaidan -!”  
  
“Later,” he called back to the doctor.  “I’m fine for now.”  At least, he added silently, physically.  Still some aches and pains, a pronounced limp at the moment, but the medi-gel had done its job where it could.  Kaidan dared not start prodding at the emotional injuries that still lurked and would require solitude for further exploration.  Not yet, anyway.  
  
He managed to reach the elevator to find it was still working.  Heading up a level to the Combat Information Center, he disembarked to find various members of the crew beginning to stir here as well.  A quick check with Specialist Traynor assured him that she was safe (he recalled her telling him of her first experience in battle with the safety harness and was relieved to find she had fared better this time around), and then he started forward.  His goal was to find Joker, to make sure the pilot was okay and then to find out what the hell had just happened.  As he neared the bridge, he called out, “Joker?” while ducking and dodging bits of falling debris, sparks from wires and equipment plus the occasional billow of smoke that did nothing to reassure him of the security of the ship at that moment.  
  
But before he could catch any sort of reply, Kaidan noticed that the door to the bridge was already open and that the seat beyond was … empty.  To his left then, as he approached, Kaidan found bright sunshine, fresh air and a sense of peace and calm in such sharp contrast to the events that had just occurred, that it was nearly mindboggling.  Carefully, Kaidan stepped over and around the debris lining the floors and moved to stand in the opening, lifting a hand for just a moment to shield his eyes from the brightness.  He felt himself caught for just a moment in the wonder and amazement of it all and the beauty of the scene laid out before him.  How long had it been since he’d seen a sight like this?  Before the Reapers attacked Earth?  Before Horizon?  Before he and Shepard had even met?  
  
Finally moving forward, for he could hear others making their way towards the entrance, he gingerly stepped (definitely had injured the hip, and that knee was still a bit tender) forward until he had descended to the ground below and could move to stand beside the pilot.  Briefly, they exchanged a look, both reflecting mutual amazement at their surroundings, yet tinged with sadness.  Kaidan wasn’t certain he could ask about EDI, not after the closeness she and Joker had achieved in recent months.  To do so would open a door to Joker asking about Shepard and the major was not certain he would be up to discussing that any time soon.    
  
A sound behind him caught his attention and he turned to look back to see Liara following his path.  Stepping away from Joker for a moment, he helped the asari to the ground, taking care that she did not aggravate her injuries any further.  Better that the doctor was only angry at him rather than the both of them, though a quick look up at the hatch told him that the doctor and Tali both were not far behind.  And that was when he got a good look at the _Normandy_ herself.  A sturdier ship one could never hope for, he guessed, though she too had taken a beating after that rough trip and landing.  Now, only time would tell the full extent of their damage and losses … and the length of their stay in this place.


	2. Office Work

_Only three months …._

Three months since the entire galaxy had placed their complete faith in  _her_ hands, leaving her to decide the collective fate of their existence. The need had been great, true enough, but … why her? Surely it had been too great for someone so young, and there were even those at the time who had agreed. On the other hand, the Reapers had left them with very little choice. Those in command, the upper echelon who could see beyond the past few years and back to the very beginnings of her career, understood that she had been consistent in doing what no one else could, what she had been told over and over could never be done: That she and she alone could get the job done.

And so she had.

She'd achieved the improbable and united the galaxy against a threat so great that it would have sent them all - humans, asari, turians and more - into extinction. Some races, unfortunately, had been destined to that fate because others had not heeded the warnings she had been sending soon enough. But, better late than never, many who had delayed realized when the Reapers were on their doorstep that she was the only one who could be their savior, their 'messiah' even, and she had delivered, performing one miracle after another until she had achieved the impossible. Her resume now read like a checklist:

She convinced the turians and the krogan to work together. In peace.

She guaranteed a cure for the genophage, giving the krogan the chance to survive an extinction that had been forced upon them by others, thousands of years before.

She saved the Council from one direct threat, proved to them that the other was for real, and that they needed to work together with the Systems Alliance in order to defeat the Reapers.

She convinced the quarians and the geth to work  _together_ instead of fighting each other to extinction.

And the list went on until finally, an alliance of assorted races had joined together in a coordinated attack and brought the fight to the Reapers themselves … and only one choice remained.

She stood alone now as she had that day, this time out on the balcony off the side of her office, her eyes staring out into English Bay though her thoughts traveled far beyond. Memories flooded back, taunting her, overwhelming her almost now that the threat had passed and the danger was no more. Priorities had changed. Focus had realigned. 'Real life' was all that remained now. And along with that came the inevitable - having to face the consequences of her actions. For, despite the successes, including the defeat of the Reapers, all she could think on in that moment were the losses. Those who had been with them at the beginning and had been lost along the way. Those who had adamantly refused to believe her warnings and were not prepared when the Reapers arrived in full force. The innocents unknowingly lost due to ignorance or fear.

And then there were those who had been nearest and dearest to her, to whom she had become close and considered her family over these past three years and should have survived while leaving her to take the fall …. She knew the inevitable comparisons would be made. Again, her past would be brought up. Mindoir. Akuze. And now, Citadel. Sometimes history had an eerie way of repeating itself. What was it she had once told Liara?  _People around me have a habit of getting hurt … or worse._

An insistent buzzing noise coming from inside of the building caught her attention and pulled her back indoors for the moment, a welcome break for ever depressing thoughts. Entering the building and crossing over beside the desk, she acknowledged the summons, pushing the thoughts to the side for the moment. "Yes?"

"Major, I have your morning briefing if you're ready."

Shepard sighed wearily and took a seat behind her desk. And so the day would begin. "Now would be good, lieutenant," she replied, though her heart was not really in it. On the other hand, it was better to get it out of the way before Shannon began worrying about her health and called in 'reinforcements.'

_Three months and so much had changed …._

Shepard had missed most of it, though, having only regained consciousness just a few short weeks before. The time between then and now had been spent getting back into some sort of physical and emotional shape respectable enough so that she could go to work for Admiral Hackett. With the Reaper threat now removed, Admiral Hackett had seen fit to bring her onto his staff to assist with the rebuilding and recovery of Systems Alliance forces. There were people in place - those who had managed to flee, others who had survived on the ground - but the overall numbers were severely diminished from what they should have been, and that despite the usual attrition rates one might expect in wartime. Hell,  _she_  had nearly been a casualty herself, yet again, and to be quite honest, she found herself pondering upon the rare occasion lately, why she had not been. The Catalyst had told her specifically as she was making her decision,  _"All synthetics will be targeted. Even you are partly synthetic."_ But despite that warning, Shepard had elected to destroy the Reapers because as far as she could tell, and based on discussions with high command and others over the months leading up to that final confrontation … what other choice had there been, really? What had really sealed the deal for her, though, had been her discussion with the Leviathan. The only viable option available at that time had been to destroy.

And in the end, after all had been decided, no one had been more stunned or surprised that she had survived than Shepard herself when she regained consciousness in the hospital ward.

But that did not keep her from thinking about everything that had happened. From the moment she entered the Conduit and faced off with the Illusive Man one last time to the last moments of discussion with the Catalyst, Shepard had fought a lone battle through the decision making process. Not even Anderson had been able to give her guidance at the end. The fate of humanity and every other species in the galaxy had rested solely in  _her_ hands. At that moment in time, she began to realize just why Anderson and Hackett had turned to her to lead them to that point. After all that she had gone through to get there - battles, losses, alliances made - Shepard had concluded that there could be no way to trust that controlling or synthesizing would be any more effective than destroying the Reapers. Not even with the Catalyst's predictions of future destruction, that the galaxy's children would bring them to this point yet again and the Reapers would not be there to 'save' them the next time, if such actions could even be considered as 'saving.' The Catalyst had been a tricky bastard, Shepard realized that at the time. An artificial intelligence itself, one working with and for the Reapers but was also, to her way of thinking, limited by it's own processing capabilities. He had even admitted as much, telling her that her actions had proven that his usefulness was done and that the ultimate decision now was up to her.

Shepard shuddered. So much had changed along the way, since finding that first Prothean beacon on Eden Prime and the initial fight against the heretic geth. Finding Legion and speaking with him, learning from him, watching him and the geth evolve into their own 'living' species. It had taken patience and care, but Shepard knew, as she convinced the quarians to see the geth as she did, that it had been the right one. And then there was EDI. A sad smile toyed at Shepard's lips. Between Joker's initial efforts and Shepard's direct influence, admitted to by EDI herself, the AI had finally been allowed to come into her true, fully evolved form. Discussions between them had always had a bit of an edge to them, though Shepard had not minded. Watching EDI grow had been an enlightening experience. But in the end ... Shepard had ultimately had to decide against allowing their existence in order to save the rest.

_The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few …._  Though a philosophy she had been taught from a young age, and one that guided her in her daily life and with which she fully agreed, her decision to end the Reaper threat once and for all was one that Shepard felt might haunt her the rest of her days. What was it she and Garrus had called it?  _Ruthless calculus._

The sound of the door sliding open across the room pulled Shepard's thoughts back to the present. Glancing over, she offered a somewhat subdued smile to the younger woman who was now her personal assistant. That was new too, and something that Shepard had gone around and around with the admiral on many an occasion since finding out about it. However, the man had been insistent, and given that he had seen fit to make certain she was given a promotion when brought onto his staff, and along with the promotion additional responsibilities, Shepard was hardly in a position to refuse. She might have defeated the Illusive Man and the Reapers and saved the galaxy from annihilation, but the admiral was still her superior and a force to be reckoned with in his own right. She doubted that even Anderson would have successfully talked the admiral out of a decision once he was set upon it.

"Good morning, lieutenant," Shepard greeted the woman with a slight inclination of her head towards the usual chair. Despite the circumstances and Shepard's unease with having an assistant, the two women had gotten on fairly well together since meeting the week before.

"Major." Shepard bit back a wince at the mention of her new rank. The only major she was interested in at the moment had been missing for three months and no one seemed to know why. Settling back into her chair, Shepard took a deep breath, shook off the depression that was once again actively seeking her out this morning, and prepared herself for the morning briefing. "What have you got for me today?"

Shannon began by handing Shepard a data pad containing the day's agenda. For her part, Shepard attempted to keep her focus upon the task at hand, following down as Shannon covered each item in more detail. However, not five minutes into the discussion, Shepard felt that focus waver as something the lieutenant said triggered a flashback ….

_"Commander, are you all right? I'm sure there's a way to appeal. We're under Alliance authority, after all, not the Council."_

_Shepard sat near the lockers on the old Normandy, the one that had been destroyed by the Collectors just a few short weeks later. Looking up at him, she replied, "I pushed as hard as I could. They wouldn't listen." And therein was part of the issue that would repeat itself over time and again. Even the Council didn't want to listen to the truth of things._

_"So that's it?" Kaidan challenged. "We just walk away? We let them win and damn us all?" Shepard sighed, the temptation to give into her own anger at the Council a very tempting thing. But she was the commander, so instead she drew upon her leadership experience and returned, "We'll think of something. I just need to figure things out."_

_At a time when she thought he might just turn and walk away, though, he remained close by. "If I can be of any help, let me know. I hope I'm not out of line saying that."_

_Her eyes lifted to meet his, offering a slightly softer smile than usual although his offer caught her by surprise. "I'm glad you're here. It was a frustrating trip before we were grounded." That certainly was the truth. She might be their 'fearless leader' just then, but Ashley's death was still a raw wound, open, festering and very painful._

_"You looked like you were about ready to go off on the Council. Much as they deserve it, it's good to take a step back." Shepard DID smirk at that as she glanced up at him. "I'm here for you. But we're in a rough spot, and the last thing I want to do is muddy things. Like it's all that clear to start with." She noticed a shift in his eyes then, the anger over what had happened finally getting to him, too. "Are we the pride of the fleet or not? Are we valued agents or just peons?"_

_Not wanting to pull him further into her own misery, because to be honest seeing him start in that direction was more than just a bit disconcerting, Shepard teased back, "Can't just pull out a good old-fashioned 'It'll be all right,' can you, Alenko?"_

_Pausing, he finally replied, "It's that easy, huh? Okay then. Everything will be fine, Shepard. You'll figure it out."_

_Shepard grinned and watched his eyes change slightly at the look. She also noted that he'd called her 'Shepard' and not 'Commander.' "That wasn't so hard now, was it?"_

_"I could get used to it." That caught her attention as well. "I guess we have some downtime to figure out what we are, huh?" Shepard took his hand when he offered it, and the ease with which he pulled her to her feet and close enough for them to kiss nearly stole all thought of replying …._

_Until Joker interrupted and they both jumped, automatically taking a step back from the other as if admitting some sort of guilt at standing so near the other. Then again, the message Joke relayed was important, and directly related to their circumstances at the time …._

"Major? Are you ill?"

Shannon's voice broke into the memory and Shepard's eyes closed tightly for a moment, savoring it one more time. "No," she finally replied, knowing that the woman would go and call for the doctor if Shepard showed any weakness just then. "I'm fine, Shannon. Just a bit … tired is all. The doctor said that was to be expected. Please, continue."

"If you're certain …?"

Shepard gave a weary smile. "I am." This time, she managed to keep her focus on for a bit longer, listening to the lieutenant go into detail about a meeting she would be attending that afternoon regarding efforts to rebuild the docking bays at headquarters. Shepard knew there were issues there, mostly between two parties. On the one hand, there were the groups around the city who were frantically trying to rebuild housing - for Alliance personnel, civilians, and anyone else who wanted or needed to be there. On the other hand, there were the groups fighting to reconstruct the military and political framework necessary to keep things running. It was this headache, among many others, that Hackett had tasked Shepard to assist with. After all, she was the queen of the 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' decisions, was she not?

Funnily enough, Shepard was suddenly taken back once more to a discussion she and Ashley had before their trek to Noveria.

_Chatting with Ashley down in the armory, the chief's usual haunt when aboard ship, had become as commonplace as spending a free moment in her cabin listening to music, Shepard thought. And usually as entertaining, if not more so. This particular conversation had been quite enjoyable … until the chief began asking one too many personal questions which in turn led to even more interesting responses._

_"Why didn't I see this before?"_

_Ash's response was typical: polite interest mixed with professional courtesy. "How long have you known each other, ma'am?"_

_Shepard paused, knowing the answer easily enough but trying to determine the reason for the other woman's question. She'd played chess long enough to see at least three or four moves ahead of her opponent at any given time. "Since he joined the team several months ago. I've been on the Normandy for about a year, he was assigned about a month before we were sent to Eden Prime."_

_Though her facial expression didn't change, Shepard did see a look flash behind Ashley's eyes, something along the lines of triumph? Her nerves began dancing just a bit in discomfort. "Maybe," the gunnery chief observed quietly, "he is now just feeling sure enough to say something? I mean, you do know you CAN come across as more than a little bit intimidating, don't you?"_

_Shepard was stunned speechless by Ashley's remark, but the chief's only response was to chuckle. "Come on, ma'am," she said. "Think about it from his point of view for a moment."_

_Shepard nodded, disbelief still holding her tongue still. "Not only are you a female commander of superior rank, but you are an N7. A survivor of Mindoir and Akuze. I've seen your competence in battle and in making the tough calls. You are very self assured and confident. That can be very intimidating to someone who wants to approach you in a more … personal way."_

_"But …," Shepard finally protested, "just because I survived doesn't mean I want to be alone."_

_"No one is saying that, ma'am. I'm sure that thought hasn't even occurred to him. All I'm saying is that, being confident and capable in the way that you are can make it more difficult for someone like him, someone who obviously wants to keep a clear separation between professionalism on the job and personal intimacy when off duty, to approach you about something like this."_

_Shepard swallowed hard, doubts beginning to plague her in a way she'd never really experienced before, even as she gave her full focus to trying to see it from that side of things. HIS side of things. "Okay," she finally admitted a bit reluctantly, "maybe …."_

_Again, Williams smirked. "No maybe about it, ma'am. I'd say that the fact that he is even talking to you of personal things, things outside daily operational activities, is a sign that he -"_

_Shepard sighed heavily then, silently admitting defeat. "Alright, Williams, you've made your point."_

_Turning away, she caught the smirk still playing at the chief's lips. "Good. Then my job here is done." Shaking her head, Shepard exited the armory and started back towards her cabin for some time to think … alone._

"Oh, and the medical staff have advised me that until a more permanent housing situation has been made available for your use you are to continue bunking at the medical wing …."

This announcement brought Shepard back to the present rather sharply. "What?" she protested, leaning forward just a bit and staring down at her agenda. "Now wait just a -"

"Major, the doctors simply want to keep an eye on your recovery is all. You know that Dr. Michel has expressed her concerns that you have returned to work too quickly."

"Lieutenant." It was amazing how one word, spoken with the proper tone, could become such a critical warning. However, Shepard was quick to note that the woman before her did not seemed fazed one bit. "Admiral Hackett signed off on the request, major."

"Shit." Sighing heavily again, Shepard flopped back into her chair once more. "When are you people going to realize that I am fine and -"

It hit her suddenly then, a quick moment of nostalgia, the sound of his voice. Hell, she could almost  _see_  his face right in front of her.  _"I can't lose you again …."_ Rising to her feet suddenly, Shepard's eyes darted around the room, searching every corner, every shadowed area. "Kaidan?" she mouthed, certain that the voice she'd heard had been real and not imagined or remembered.

"Major?"

Shepard blinked and glanced down at the lieutenant. Shannon was a good woman, Shepard had to admit that. And perhaps, on this, she  _did_ have a point. Shrugging her shoulders to release the tension that had settled there momentarily, Shepard gave her assistant a curt nod. "Fine. Far be it from me to argue with the admiral's orders." But even as she agreed to this, Shepard thought she could hear the echo of Kaidan's voice again … and had to wonder if perhaps the good doctor knew something she was not telling her patient.

"Very well," Shannon concluded, moving to stand herself. "And on that note, I believe Dr. Michel is here to see you."

Shepard glanced over as the door to the office slid opened again, this time allowing the friendly face of the physician to enter the room as the lieutenant departed. Managing to find a somewhat reassuring smile, Shepard gestured the doctor over to the nearby chair and retook her seat. "Good morning, doctor."

"Good morning, major," the woman replied pleasantly as she seated herself. "You left rather early today. I hope you do not mind that I stopped by to run some quick scans to determine if all is well?"

Shepard sighed. "I suppose not, doctor," she agreed reluctantly. "Though, I am beginning to wonder if you and Dr. Chakwas attended the same school of medicine."

Dr. Chloe Michel's laughter settled about them as the woman stood and used her omni-tool to conduct her scans. "I would gladly admit to this," she agreed quietly, indicating the level of respect that she had for her colleague who was currently missing in action.

After taking her seat once more, Dr. Michel asked, "So. Any issues today? The dizziness is gone? The vertigo now that you are on your feet once more? The nausea associated with it? My scans indicate that your synthetics are operating within normal parameters. The leg is not giving you trouble at all?"

Shepard nodded, though she held back on what had occurred just moments before. She wanted time to think on that before admitting to something that had the potential to pull her from active duty. "The meds you gave me seem to be keeping those issues at bay, thankfully, and the leg is giving me no trouble at all." Shepard nearly shuddered at the recollection of her first steps after being unconscious for two months. Though not nearly as long as it had been when Cerberus brought her back to life, it had been challenging. Even more so later as she found out why.

"Good. I am sorry we had to resort to a medically induced coma," the doctor continued, "but we needed to give your body time to physically heal from your injuries without any added stresses. There was a very delicate balance we had to maintain, as I am sure you can now understand."

Shepard nodded, though her attention was now being pulled to a side thought. Something that had been niggling at her, but had up to this point not really gelled into a question. "Doctor … are there any other side effects of that enforced coma?" she asked.

Dr. Michel paused for a moment, used her omni-tool to bring up relevant information, and only then did she reply, "Major, there is nothing to suggest that your reaction was anything out of the ordinary. Remember, not only were you unconscious for two months, but when you awoke once more you had the added difficulties associated with being pregnant."

A strange sense of relief washed over Shepard then, which told her just how far she had come in the past month since finding out about  _that_. Regaining consciousness and being told that yes, you destroyed the Reapers, and yes, you were alive, and no, the whereabouts of your ship and crew were not known had been bad enough, but to be told on top of everything else that you were pregnant …. Shepard had to change her whole way of viewing things from that moment forward, and like so many other times before in her life, she'd had to do it alone. More than once, the good doctor had found Shepard alone and visibly shaken as she tried to deal with all of the sudden changes in her world. "And -?"

Dr. Michel gave her a reassuring smile. "Both of you are just fine. I know we have spoken of this before, but I will remind you - minimizing your stress levels, getting plenty of rest and eating well, those sorts of things are not only good for the baby, but also help you in your recovery. Your body has been through much over the past few years, major, survived things that would have killed normal people. You must now take care of yourself to give yourself the chance to fully heal and the child a proper chance to survive."

A shudder did shake her shoulders then as Shepard adjusted her position in her chair. It was so hard to imagine, she thought with a quick glance down at her still flat belly. A smirk played on her lips then as she recalled the day that the Reapers attacked Earth, when Anderson had been escorting her to the defense council meeting.  _"You're looking a bit soft around the edges there, Shepard."_  Automatically, her hand moved to the area and gently pressed as she had done so many months before.  _If you could only see me now, Anderson …._ Admiral David Anderson. The name still brought pain as she recalled how the Illusive Man had manipulated her into shooting her mentor. But in the end, the truth had come out and Anderson had reminded her that it wasn't her fault. Though she still felt sadness at his loss, Shepard felt she finally had managed to move beyond that event. He would not have wanted her to dwell on that, anyway.

Turning her attention back towards the doctor, Shepard enquired, "Are the implants causing any problems?" A whole new set of worries were associated with that thought. So many unknowns now that it mattered most.

"No, no," the doctor quickly reassured her, leaning forward just a bit in her chair. "That was not my meaning at all, major. I only suggest that you should take things easy. Do not bury yourself in work here. Get plenty of rest. Find ways to keep from getting overly stressed. That sort of thing. It is all a matter of being watchful, major. Of being aware of what is going on around you."

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "You are behind the admiral's orders for decreased hours?" she challenged.

The doctor grinned. "Yes. And I will not apologize for that either. Major - Shepard, please. I think we know that what we want is for that child to be born and born healthy. For something so profound to come out of such complete and utter devastation …."

Shepard's exact memories of what exactly had occurred after making her decision upon the Citadel that day were vague, but even after being unconscious for two months, she had still been able to view some of the destruction that the Reapers had left on Earth. It would take a long time, years even, to recover from it. And really, when it came right down to it, how did you hide the 'bodies' of all the Reapers that had been destroyed? Months after the fact, the topic was still the lead on the news, vids of their now deathly still shells lying scattered all over the planet showing up in nearly every story. As soon as she'd been able, Shepard had spoken with Shannon, the admiral and others regarding what had happened. That was how she had found out the fate of the geth. Yet another source for guilt, Shepard attempted to mitigate the depth of it by reminding herself that there would be casualties of war in such battles. Some days it worked, some days it didn't. However, Shepard suspected that it, like so many other similar battles and outcomes, would haunt her the rest of her days.

She'd had no choice! After her discussion with the Catalyst, Shepard had known that, deep down inside, the only option that would remove the threat of the Reapers once and for all would be to destroy them. Was that not why they had been fighting all along? Ultimately, that it had been the right choice to make at that time, Shepard could not argue. No matter the unintended consequences. It had been the only practical choice to make. However, that did not mean that her choice would not haunt her, tease her, and have her periodically re-evaluating if she had made the right decision after all.

Shepard swallowed past a tightness in her throat before she could speak. "You, doctor," she finally managed to tease at last, a small smile playing at her lips as she eyed her friend, "are a romantic."

Dr. Michel laughed and smiled back at Shepard. "But of course!" she returned. "As are you, major."

Shepard blinked at that, stunned that the doctor might see her that way, her relationship with Kaidan notwithstanding. "Me?" Her snort was one of bemusement rather than derision. "I'm not sure how you can see that, doctor. I'm a marine. Tough as nails. No holds barred. I make the tough calls no one else can. I run around and save the galaxy from … well, from anything and everything practically." Shepard attempted to turn that into a joke, but she could not hold back a heavy sigh as the truth settled once more like a heavy weight around her shoulders. "Well, I used to. When I still had a ship."

Even Dr. Michel had nothing to add just then, though Shepard thought she detected a light stain of embarrassment on the woman's cheeks. "Doctor?" Shepard leaned further forward then.  _Does she know something?_ "Dr. Michel," she tried again, "Is there something wrong?"

Rising quickly, the doctor cleared her throat and made her excuses before turning to leave quickly. As she exited through the doorway, Shepard's confused gaze trailed after her … to find Shannon speaking softly on a com set. Frowning, Shepard rose and crossed the room. The atmosphere in the room had become quite strained all of a sudden, and even her assistant was beginning to act with some suspicion. "Shannon?" she called out, "Is something going on?"

The lieutenant rose and entered the office, meeting Shepard near the situation table in the center. "Admiral Hackett is on his way down, major," she announced, but otherwise did not respond to the question. "He wishes to speak with you on a delicate matter."

"Delicate?" Shepard's frown deepened. Reaching out, she caught the woman's shoulder and grasped firmly. "That sounds rather ominous. And why do I get the feeling that you are hiding something from me, lieutenant?"

"Ma'am, the admiral will explain …."

Shepard felt sudden anger building at the obvious stonewalling. What was going on? Why was this happening? She was suddenly reminded of similar tactics used by Primarch Victus just months before, only then it had been in regards to a doomsday device that had been planted on Tuchanka. She had not cared for it then, either. Though the withheld information had not directly resulted in additional and unnecessary deaths, it  _had_ hampered negotiations for a treaty between the krogan and the turians to her way of thinking. "Lieutenant …."

"Lieutenant, if you would leave us?"

Both women turned towards the door as Fleet Admiral Hackett entered the room. A quick exchange of salutes followed and within moments, Shepard and the admiral were alone. "Good morning, major," the man greeted her.

Shepard warred within herself, but ultimately protocol kicked in and she nodded. "Sir."

Gesturing towards the chairs before her desk, the admiral commented, "Why don't we sit? I suspect our discussion might be lengthy and you certainly look as if you could use the -"

Shepard did stop him there, however. "Sir, please don't say it. I'm fine. I'm alive. I'm here. I've got that at least. Just … tell me what it is that the doctor and the lieutenant weren't and -" Her voice trailed off at the knowing look he gave her then. She had been on the receiving end of that look before, by a particular asari who had probably understood Shepard's motivations even better than the commander had herself at the time. Biting her lip, she allowed her words to trail off.

"Did you leave your patience behind on the Citadel after the battle, major?" he asked quietly.

Shepard simply sighed and sat down. Whatever it was that was going on, the man was not going to be rushed or coerced into telling her before he was ready, no matter what diplomatic skills she might have picked up while uniting the various species and races of the galaxy over the past year. "No, sir."

Hackett took the seat across from her and settled in himself. "Major, I think the time has come to inform you exactly what happened after you engaged the Crucible almost three months ago. I've had orders in place to have this information withheld from you up to this point as our focus was, after your rescue, getting you healthy and whole once more."

Shepard nodded. At a loss for what to say, she simply murmured, "Thank you, sir," and hoped it would suffice. It appeared to.

"As you engaged the Crucible, I gave the order for the fleet to break off the attack and head towards the rendezvous point. We took some heavy losses in that battle, but I will admit, I was surprised by how many ships we were able to keep intact."

Leaning forward, Shepard stared at her feet and rested her arms across her thighs. "Sir, you bought us the time to make it happen."

Hackett made a noncommittal sort of grunting noise, but said nothing else to that before continuing. "As we left, we tried to keep track of every ship, taking note of those that had survived as well as those that had been destroyed. Quarian, asari, turrian, human … whoever they were, we kept an eye on them and made sure that we got each and every single ship accounted for, one way or another." Hackett too leaned forward this time, and when Shepard lifted her gaze to meet his, she suddenly felt her stomach sink as she thought she could see where this was leading.  _Dear God, no!_ "All of them … except for one."

Shepard's breath caught sharply in her chest then. "The  _Normandy_." After his nod, her eyes closed tight for a long moment. She knew the  _Normandy_ had not returned to Earth, but if what the admiral was saying was correct …. "What … what happened?" she rasped, her voice cracking as she did so. The thought of having lost them all was painful to a level she had never expected or experienced before. They were more than just her crew - they were her family.

"Flight Lieutenant Moreau waited until the last possible moment to disengage from the Citadel and leave. I suspect, given the bond between you two, that he was hoping you would make it back to the ship."

Shepard groaned, her head falling forward into her hands. She felt tears pooling in her eyes, but she willed them not to fall just yet. "Joker …." Her voice barely giving sound to the name before she heard the admiral continuing with the story.

"The  _Normandy_ broke away, engaged their FTL drives and made it to the Charon Relay in time … but it appears they were caught mid-jump by the energy pulse that the Crucible emitted. All other ships arrived at the rendezvous point but her."

The tears began to trickle out of the corners of her eyes as Shepard sat up straight. She swiped at them, and otherwise refrained from any further emotional outburst for the moment. "Where -?"

"Arcturus," he explained. "We rendezvoused at Arcturus." He held her gaze for a moment before offering her a gentle smile of condolence. "Major, we have been trying for months now to determine just what happened. Based on experiences with the remainder of the fleet at the time, if nothing else we should have communication with them if only via the quantum entanglement device that was on the ship."

She felt the ache beginning in her chest beginning to expand, a numbness following close behind. "And … nothing?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. The last transmission we had from them was from Specialist Traynor who notified us that they had entered the mass relay and were en route."

Silence fell then and Shepard felt the need to do  _some_ thing, so she rose to her feet and wandered over by one of the large windowed doors dividing the room from the balcony overlooking English Bay. Leaning heavily against it, she recalled the various times she and Kaidan had discussed the view, all the while feeling her heart break. It was  _her_  fault the  _Normandy_  was missing.  _Damn!_ This was not how she wanted the admiral to see her. "They … they shouldn't have waited on me," she rasped after another moment, the guilt starting to find purchase as the full realization began to hit her. All had been lost because of her ….

"Need I remind you, major, rumors have it that your Joker is unequivocally the best pilot in the entire galaxy?" Shepard glanced up to her left as the admiral stepped up behind her, his hand coming to rest upon her shoulder.

Shepard started to laugh, but it sounded more like a strangled sob. "Joker … started those rumors himself, admiral," she returned rather flatly.

Hackett's lips formed a semblance of a smile then. "Of course he did … but there is truth behind every rumor, and the most important truth from that particular one is that Moreau believed it himself. Why do you think Anderson asked for him to join the _Normandy_ in the first place? Why do you think we brought him back into the Systems Alliance after your time with Cerberus?" He paused for a moment too, his eyes looking out into the bay, and Shepard felt his hand squeeze gently on her shoulder. "We will give them a year," he intoned, "to make it back, to find some way to communicate with us. We will give them the time they need to fix their ship and find a way to get in touch, if that is what's needed. No final decision on their fate will be made until after that time. Be patient, major."

Strangely enough, the admission helped lift the heaviness of the weight that had settled upon Shepard's shoulders. "Sir -"

"I will link you in to any information we receive," he promised. Glancing down at her once more, he explained, "Dr. Michel did not want me to tell you this for some time given your injuries and then the discovery of your … condition." Shepard saw another smile form and could not help but return it, though she knew it was weak. "We will do what we can from here, major. The rest will be up to them. And you."

"Thank you, sir," she replied automatically, years of training overriding all other responses in that moment. She had a mission, sort of, aside from her daily duties of assisting him. And though she doubted it would be enough to distract her completely, it was a start.


	3. Do You Remember When?

  
  
  
  
The cleanup began immediately, along with a detailed assessment into the extent of the damages to the _Normandy_.  By the end of the first week, the truth of the situation finally revealed itself, and some difficult choices had to be made.  Thankfully, there were relatively few losses among the crew itself which, in the long run was not only a good thing because while no one wanted to lose a crew member for any reason, there was also another more important one: most of _Normandy’_ s crew at the moment were part of the original retro-fitting group that had been on board at the time of the Reaper invasion.  They were the ones who would know the most about fixing the ship to flying standards and give them the best chance at being able to return home home to Earth.  
  
The task before them was not be an easy one, however.  Damage sustained was significant, though some of the most essential elements had survived either intact or with minimal damage.  The drive core was spared, thankfully; as was the electrical system, other than a few specific locations that were easily bypassed and rerouted. The environmental systems also survived relatively intact.  This last did not seem to be a major concern at first, though it did turn out to be the most important for their immediate survival.  Their first night planetside, as the survivors gathered outside of the ship to assess damage and rejoice in their own survival, they soon came to realize that despite the planet being relatively ‘friendly’ as far as environmental conditions went, once darkness settled there were the local ‘inhabitants’ who liked to venture forth to feed.  No one had been lost in that first encounter, the only casualties being a few crewmembers who became, quite understandably, rather anxious about having to leave the ship for any reason whatsoever.  
  
Leadership of the group had fallen to Kaidan by default, seeing as he was the most senior ranking officer aboard ship at the moment as well as a Council Spectre, which in itself did not bother him nearly as much as he might have thought it would.  However, there were a few times that he adamantly wished that Shepard was there to take the reins because, to him at least, she seemed so much more capable at making the tough calls.  Yet, the moment that thoughts like that started to filter in he dismissed them because he _knew_ that the main reason his thoughts were heading that direction was simply to have her there, beside him, healthy and whole.  In the past, they had shared discussions regarding these types of instances, making the tough calls, and Kaidan had learned much from them.  He had the foundation from which to draw to make them and he would not flinch from responsibility or duty.   
  
As time and distance continued to separate them, Kaidan found his thoughts increasingly returning to Shepard.  If he’d had to compare it to something, he would liken it to living in a sort of battlefield where the desperate hopes he carried for her survival fought violently and quite often a losing battle with those of an inevitable dread as he realized the impossibility that she could have.  Given the damage to the _Normandy_ by the energy pulse emitted by the Crucible, and the limited information that he had been able to gather from the others about Shepard’s location at the time, logic dictated that no one person could have survived such a blast.    
  
But above and beyond all of this, Kaidan realized that he was feeling … isolated.  Separated.  Alone.  This wasn’t like it had been after her ‘death’ and the loss of the first _Normandy_ either.  Back then, it had been more dealing with loss and regrets, of things he’d wished he’d told her, of time wasted before making a move.  This time things were different.  As Shepard herself had done during their years together fighting off the Reaper threat, the need to hide his inner turmoil from everyone else aboard ship was present.  How could he do anything less when he knew he was not the only one suffering at the moment?  She had kept her personal concerns hidden away such that it had only been at the end there, when both he and Shepard had seen and acknowledged the likely outcome of events, that the shield she had used to hide her worries from the rest of the crew had started to crack and Kaidan had been able to find a way through and offer her hope ….  
  
The other thing that held him back was that Kaidan also understood everyone aboard ship was affected by her absence.  Sure, he was the one closest to her on many levels, but Shepard had a way of pulling everyone around her close, no matter their rank, making them a part of the ‘family’ that was the _Normandy_.  It was a skill he’d noticed almost immediately after joining the crew three years before when Shepard was the executive officer, but it had carried over once Anderson had handed over command.  Over time and particularly during their months apart when she had been off with Cerberus, Kaidan had found himself wondering what had trained her for that sort of thing.  
  
 _She moved against him briefly, barely a brush of skin against skin, but then the warmth of her body was slipping away, the whisper of the blanket falling against the bed, and it was enough to shake him from slumber.  Sitting up, he rubbed at his eyes until he spotted her across the room, over by the desk, her hands working absently at the buttons of her shirt.  “You weren’t thinking of leaving, were you?” he challenged quietly, shifting onto his hip and adjusting his position in case he would have to make a flying leap towards her to keep her in the room.  If there was one thing he was certain of, it was that she needed to be here, now._  
  
 _She turned, a startled look filling those deep blue eyes that captivated him each and every time they fell upon him.  Did she even know she did that?  “You were sleeping.”  A moment later, she was chuckling a bit, a light stain of embarrassment on her cheeks as she finally decided to move back to sit beside him on the bed for the moment.  She had this habit of waking afterwards and then leaving him … and leaving him to sleep as she left.  He wasn’t certain why, though he had his suspicions._  
  
 _Kaidan lifted a hand to cradle her cheek for a moment before sliding it around so he could pull her close for a kiss.  She moved willingly, though, and he adjusted his position so that he could pull her to sit upon his lap.  “Why in such a hurry?” he asked quietly, nuzzling her neck in the areas he knew she loved most.  The shiver that followed served to reinforce the accuracy of his actions._  
  
 _“I - Kaidan, stop!” she moaned softly, half-heartedly pushing at his chest.  “I need to check on Liara … and Garrus.  Make sure they’re okay.”  Her hands rose to rest lightly on his shoulders, around his neck.  He could feel her fingers intertwining loosely where they rested against his skin._  
  
 _“Something wrong?” he inquired, though with Liara he knew it was because of the loss of Thessia.  Sadly, their asari friend was now experiencing the same trauma that the both of them had upon Earth being attacked by the Reapers.  He leaned up to kiss Shepard again, noting that she didn’t fight it at all.  The noises she made, the growling, purring rumbles in her throat nearly drove him wild, though he did not press matters as he could have.  This was turning into something more than just a need to be satisfied._  
  
 _“I - no - yes … Kaidan!”  She turned on him then, pushing him back, leaning in to take charge for just a moment, and the resultant contact almost exploded into something much, much more.  When finally she pulled back, she gave him a look of frustration mixed with regret.  Her hand moving along his jaw, she leaned down until their foreheads touched.  “Garrus is under a lot of pressure right now being advisor to the primarch.  It’s hard to go from being in a position of ‘so you think you know what you’re talking about but I won’t listen’ to ‘well, you’re my expert on Reapers, what should I do now?’, you know?  Sometimes he needs an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on, a -”_  
  
 _“A friend who has been through the same sort of thing?” he suggested quietly._  
  
 _She nodded, a smile forming at her lips that he took as a sign of her appreciation for his understanding.  Kaidan was not blind, he’d been observing for years just how Shepard was able to get close to her companions, to see what their needs were, address them, and in her own way offer what she could to help them move forward.  As far as he’d been able to tell, everyone benefited from the situation.  It was one of the things he admired about her and felt made her such a good candidate for command.  His eyes searching hers out one last time, he asked with just a bit of wonder in his tone, “How do you do that?”_  
  
 _She looked confused at first, but it must have dawned on her, because she replied simply, “Because I am their commander and their friend.  And because I can.  It’s hard to explain, Kaidan, but they, like you, are family now.  And I take great care of my family.”_  
  
 _That comment struck a memory.  “Is this because of what happened back on Mindoir?”  They’d talked about her past on and off over the years, much different from the ‘public knowledge’ that was floating out and about, and he thought he could see now the way that her losses there affected everyone and everything around her.  He didn’t recall ever seeing such strength in anyone else ever before after such a traumatic incident._  
  
 _Sighing softly, Shepard turned, straddling his lap and leaning forward to rest her head on his shoulder.  He recognized the move; every time Mindoir came up in discussion she did this, and he responded as he always did, by wrapping his arms around her and holding her as close as he could.  “Not because of,” she told him quietly, “but as a direct result of.  My family and I were close, Kaidan.  My parents, my grandparents … my sister.”  He squeezed her tightly there to reassure her that all was well.  She always had difficulty talking about her family, but particularly the twin sister who had been lost in the batarian attack.  She and Kaysey had been extremely close._  
  
 _Sitting back after a moment, she looked at him and added, “I could have withdrawn afterwards, hidden away, deep inside myself, lost to everyone around me.  But I didn’t.  It isn’t what they would have wanted, what she would have wanted for me.”_  
  
 _He leaned forward to kiss her lips again, though this time there was no heated passion behind it.  “You fought back,” he observed, smiling as she nodded.  “That’s what got you through Akuze, isn’t it?”_  
  
 _She looked almost relieved that he made that connection without guidance.  “Yes, in large part.  We both saw what happened with Corporal Toombs when we found him, of what he’d turned into years after the attack,” she reminded him.  “I could have so easily become something like … that.  Vengeful.  Filled with hate.  Hunting down those responsible and murdering them without any thought but revenge.  But I never would have found any sort of peace by dishing out retribution.  I don’t forgive them for what they did by any means, but I have been able to move forward and past it.”_  
  
 _Sighing in understanding, Kaidan released his hold on her and assisted her to her feet.  Rising beside her, he gave her one last hug before lifting his hand to tuck some of her hair behind her ear and whispering, “Go talk to Garrus.  I will be here when you get back.”_  
  
It was with this in mind that Kaidan approached the bridge now.  Joker had been adamant that he would fix things up there himself, the damage not being nearly as extensive as it could have been.  Kaidan, however, knew that there were certain areas in which the pilot would need assistance, if only to shift or lift heavier things that could cause him injury otherwise.    
  
Though somewhat subdued, the greeting was typically Joker.  “Major.”  
  
“Joker.  Thought I’d stop and see if you needed help with anything.”  Kaidan was not going to let the man put him off.  Since their crash landing, the pilot had been more withdrawn than usual, his usual joking air not as obvious as usual.  And Kaidan knew he was not the only one to notice.  Tali had, as had Liara … even Garrus had noted it, and so Kaidan had decided that since now he was the one in command, he would try to establish some sort of connection with the crew, _her_ crew, as she had done before.  And therefore, Joker was his first test … and perhaps not the easiest one to attempt it with, particularly because he knew that at the end there, Shepard and Joker had been very close.  Since his return to the _Normandy_ after the Cerberus coup attempt on the Citadel, Kaidan had felt … well, not so much a chill as a heavy wariness from the pilot, and he was certain that his confrontation on Horizon still stood in between them.  
  
However, either he’d timed it just right, or Joker was in a forgiving mood, for in a very short time they had established a sort of routine between them.  Discussion, however, was kept to a minimum at first and kept in place right up until the point that a tough decision had to be made.    
  
Both men stood behind the helm, staring down at the small space available.  After several minutes of deep contemplation, darting glances back and forth at each other, and then one more hard look at the area needing attention, Kaidan commented, “So.”  
  
Joker’s sigh was very telling, Kaidan thought.  “So.”  A pause held for a moment, and then the pilot continued, though there was the strain of emotion in his voice as he spoke, “Major … I just … I can’t do it.”  
  
Kaidan nodded, but sighed softly himself.  This was about more than just their current assignment.  “And I can’t fit under there,” Kaidan observed in return, stating the obvious and purposely avoiding the more personal meaning behind the words.    
  
Another pause, and Kaidan felt a movement to his side as Joker hobbled over to the chair EDI used to sit in.  “I mean,” the pilot tried again, his hand rising to take off his cap and wipe the sweat from his brow with his arm before replacing it, “it’s so … final.  Like saying that I give up.  That there’s no hope left.”  
  
Kaidan kept silent a bit longer, considering how to respond.  He remembered Tali’s description that day, of how EDI had just suddenly ceased functioning.  Anyone and everyone on the crew had attempted to bring her back online, but to no avail.  The loss, everyone had known, would hit Joker the hardest, but apparently, no one else had realized just how close the pilot and the AI had been on an emotional level.  Shepard had known, though, and had mentioned it briefly a few times with Kaidan before the end.  “Jeff,” the use of the man’s real name was intentional, “what do you think EDI would advise you to do in this situation?”  He watched the pilot closely for his reaction, noting the shock in his face.  Whether this was due to Kaidan using his first name or the question he had posed, he was not certain.    
  
“I …”  Joker’s brow furrowed as he clearly gave the question some thought.    
  
Kaidan debated for a moment, and then added in a quiet, respectful tone, “As I understand it, there at the end EDI had pretty much evolved to the point of knowing what she wanted and for the right reasons.”  Though slow to respond, Joker finally nodded.  “And while she cared a great deal about you, … I think you and I both know that she would not want you to dwell overlong on this, but to move forward.”  
  
It was difficult to watch the man before him crumple in defeat, but Kaidan remained in place, offering what support he could, even if it was only emotional.  God knew, the situation was not much different for his own.  “I know,” Joker finally choked out.  “She … well …”  He sighed.  Carefully, he struggled to his feet and moved over to the spot where he would disconnect the last of the equipment that had connected EDI to the flight deck.  Slowly lowering himself and easing his frame beneath the hardware, he began to remove the necessary pieces.  While EDI might be lost, the equipment could be repurposed for other parts of the ship that needed repair, and EDI’s legacy could live on in spirit.    
  
Kaidan remained, handing down tools as needed, taking the pieces and parts that Joker handed up as he removed them, and after a time Joker had turned the topic, inevitably to one that included both EDI and Shepard.  “I wish you could have seen it, major,” Joker chuckled as he worked.  “The looks on the commander’s face as EDI asked some of her questions.  They always stepped out of hearing range, so I never knew what exactly they were talking about, but the commander … more often than not she would look so startled or confused or just plain surprised by what EDI was saying - it was priceless!”  
  
Kaidan managed a small chuckle too, having encountered Shepard after one such visit with the AI.  And while the memory hurt to a point, he realized that it had the power to heal as well, and so he laughed along with Joker.  “I have to admit,” he stated clearly a short while later, “the first few times I saw EDI after returning to the _Normandy_ … part of me wanted to turn and run.”  
  
Joker snorted then, amusement clear.  “Yeah, after what happened on Mars, I can understand that.  EDI never took it personally though.”  
  
Kaidan watched then as Joker maneuvered himself out of the enclosed space.  Kaidan offered him a hand when he needed it, and soon the pilot was back on his feet.  “Major … can I ask you something?”    
  
Kaidan’s brow lifted at the question, wondering why Joker seemed to be so serious again all of a sudden.  “Sure.”  
  
“Do you think the commander could have survived?”    
  
Kaidan realized then that he’d been on guard for such a question when he’d first arrived to help, but that as the time had passed, the barriers he’d had in place had lowered so that now, caught completely unawares, it was all he could do to come up with some sort of answer.  “I think,” he finally replied, struggling to speak past the lump in his throat, “that I can’t give up hope that she did.”  One of the last conversations he’d had with Shepard came to mind then.  “She worked too damned hard trying to build up hope for everyone around her - the turians and krogan, the asari, the quarians and geth, everybody, even us - and in the end she left none for herself....”  His voice did crack then.  Swallowing, he finished, “I can’t give up hope, Joker … for her, if for no other reason.  Not until we find out something more conclusive, and even then ….”    
  
Turning away from the pilot, Kaidan exited the bridge in the direction of engineering, the parts that Joker had removed from the flight deck in his arms.   _Hope springs eternal_ , his mother used to tell him.  Until such a time as he was convinced there was no room left for it, he would hold onto that.  


* * *

  
  
  
Almost three months into their enforced stay, as they were in process of completing the final essential repairs to the ship, the crew took one day off from working to remember the fallen.  They updated the memorial wall with the names of those they were certain had fallen - Samantha had been able to provide Admiral Anderson as a confirmed casualty based off her last communications with Admiral Hackett’s people - but when it came to adding the commander’s name to the wall … that responsibility fell to Kaidan.  Standing before the memorial, staring at the wall for a very long time, he carefully considered the situation.  He firmly believed what he’d told Joker just weeks before.  If he gave up hope, she would have none and would be lost.  And in the end, it was for that very reason he could not post her name upon the memorial.  Not now, anyway.  Once they reached civilization, a communication center, someplace where they could contact Earth and get an update on what had actually happened, once he had final proof … then he could make a final decision.  But for now ….  
  
Thankfully, the others had not pressed, simply shifting gears as they moved into the mess for the wake that was to follow.  Various spirits had been found stored away on the ship.  Nothing quite like a crash landing to open up ‘hidden’ spaces and reveal secreted away contents.  Food had been scrounged up as well, and it was short work before the party was well underway.  Though a somewhat subdued and sombre mood, there were moments of levity that did help.   
  
Inevitably, though her fate remained unspoken, the talk turned towards their intrepid Commander Shepard.  The stories were as varied and numerous as the number of people in the room, and in a way they were as healing as they were painful to listen to.  Kaidan found himself moving from group to group, listening in for a while, giving his own perspective on events, and attempting to maintain a somewhat neutral demeanor.  But he had to admit that this became more difficult as he stood around Garrus, listening to some of the turian’s tales.  Always one to find the humor and irony in a situation, dry as it might be, he began relating stories from the earlier years of his association with Shepard.  And what memories they brought back.  
  
Both Cortez and Vega were nearby listening intently, and soon Garrus had them all laughing.  “Seriously,” he was saying, “I must have seen my - how is it you humans say it?  My ‘life flash before my eyes?’ - each time we went out on a mission.  Next time you see Wrex, ask him.  I’ve no doubt he will tell you the same.”  
  
With a chuckle, Kaidan attempted to protest on Shepard’s behalf.  “It wasn’t _that_ bad.”  
  
Garrus snorted softly.  “Maybe I’m thinking of a time you weren’t with us,” he offered.  “Or maybe you just found a way to block those incidents out of your mind.  But you tell me how having Shepard driving that Mako was any safer than facing the enemy.”  
  
Vega was chuckling.  “I heard stories,” he admitted.  “Rumors, mostly.  Running along the lines of ‘Shepard’s lack of dancing ability is only surpassed by her skills driving the Mako.’  Or something like that.”  
  
Kaidan grinned and shook his head.   _Okay, Vega had a point there_. _Maybe._  “Well ….”  
  
“Come on, Kaidan,” Garrus chimed in, “you can’t argue with that.”  
  
“Guess it’s a good thing we didn’t have any of the Makos onboard when we left Earth then,” Cortez offered.    
  
“Yeah,” Vega returned, “or you would have spent more time fixing the thing than piloting the shuttle!”  
  
Rolling his eyes good naturedly, Kaidan departed from the group and moved on to another.  They all knew, of course, that he and Shepard had been together.  He was not trying to hide that.  But along with that, they were respectful enough of his feelings to keep the discussions as light hearted as possible.  At least while he was near.    
  
Until he began speaking with Liara, that was.    
  
He found her apart from the others, standing off by herself.  Alone.  A quick glance identified her mood as a pensive one, but Kaidan suspected that this was in no large part due to the depth of the relationship she had with Shepard.  She was good, though: he could not see any visual signs of pain or loss, though there was a sadness in her eyes that made his gut churn just a bit.  Deciding that she of all people would probably understand his actions earlier at the memorial and how much this would be affecting him without requiring him to say much at all, he decided to join her.  She would be in a similar situation herself, after all.  
  
Stepping beside her, Kaidan was not surprised at all when the asari greeted him with a slight tilt of her head.  The silence between them remained for a few moments, but it was a companionable one.  No pressure to speak platitudes or condolences, no need to search for something to be said when there really was nothing to say.  Comfort was found in shared memories of a cherished friend.  
  
A bubble of laughter broke around them from across the room, causing both he and Liara to glance over at its source.  Kaidan wasn’t certain of her reaction, but to him it felt a bit off now.  Of course, with his mood turning just a bit darker than earlier, maybe that was due more to the fact that the need to believe that Shepard was still alive was a bit stronger, but he wasn’t sure.  All he knew was that the mood around him was beginning to give off an air of utter finality and he was going to resist it as long as he could.  
  
Almost as if she had read his mind, Liara murmured, “I understand that you told Joker you are holding out hope Shepard somehow survived.”  
  
Kaidan glanced down at her, ignoring the content of the comment for the moment.  “Always the Shadow Broker, aren’t you?”  He kept his tone light and teasing.  Since the ship had crash landed, even Liara had been disconnected from her networks.  All communications to and from the ship had been and still currently were down.  The lack of contact with the outside world was a very foreign feeling for all of them.  
  
Liara offered him a small smile.  “I would hardly be worthy of the title if I couldn’t root out shipboard rumors, now would I?” she returned.  
  
Chuckling, Kaidan suddenly found curiosity forcing him to ask, “Will it be difficult for you to get your network back up and running once we make full repairs?”  The communications would be the last issue fixed, he knew, since much of what they needed to repair it was not available onboard.    
  
Liara sighed softly.  “There will be some complications, on that I am certain,” she agreed.  “I was already beginning to run into issues before we headed to Earth to take out the Reapers.  Agents not reporting in, locations going dark.  I am sure it will take some time to re-establish contact with anyone who survived.”  Tilting her head, she glanced up at him and added, “I just hope that those agents who were in place before the end are still safe.”  
  
So it was going to come around to this again after all, he realized.  Reaching out, he took her hand in his and squeezed gently, reassuringly.  “Hope is a powerful thing, Liara,” Kaidan explained quietly.  
  
Liara’s smile reassured him that he had taken the right course of action.  “That it is,” she agreed softly, squeezing his hand in return.  “And Shepard certainly exemplified that.”  
  
Kaidan managed a small smile.  “That she did,” he agreed.  He took a moment to look around the room, noting the current groupings as people talked.  Garrus and James were off on another one of their one-upmanship storytelling runs with Joker nearby giving his unsolicited, but no less welcome, input.  Tali and Dr. Chakwas were speaking with Chief Adams.  Specialist Traynor and Steve Cortez were now having a rather animated discussion of their own a short distance beyond them, arms gesticulating as they ‘talked’, some of the other engineers watching with amusement.  The only one not present was Javik, but Kaidan had spoken with the prothean briefly and thought he understood the reasons.  
  
Kaidan was startled back to the present as Liara took a step closer to him and slid an arm around his waist before leaning her head upon his shoulder.  “My mother used to tell me,” she murmured a moment later, her voice holding a tinge of sadness that Kaidan thought he could understand, “that throughout my lifetime I would have many, many good friends, but only one true friend with whom I would feel a special closeness that would transcend time and memory.”  Kaidan blinked, his eyes meeting hers again.  Asari, he knew, could live for a thousand years or so.  “Not a bondmate, but a kindred spirit, a sister if you will,” she clarified.  “I believe Shepard was that one true friend.”  
  
His smile widened just a bit as he moved his arm around her shoulder and gave her a hug.  “Knowing Shepard,” he replied, “I would say she probably views it the other way around.”  When Liara’s head lifted, he met her gaze.    
  
“Kaidan -”  
  
He shook off her protest.  “I think I can understand the nature of your relationship with her, Liara,” he assured her.  “I know Shepard cared a great deal about her friends, but some of the things she said … the depth of her concern …”  He paused for a moment and tried to find a way to explain what he meant.  “Did Shepard ever talk to you of Mindoir at all?” he finally asked.  “In detail, I mean.”  
  
Liara nodded.  “She did.  After Thessia, when I was inconsolable ….  She did not go into too many specifics, but she mentioned her family, of losing them and the entire colony.”  
  
“Did she mention Kaysey?”  
  
Liara sighed, recognizing the name.  “Her twin sister?  Yes, she did.”  
  
“It’s very rare for her to speak of Mindoir at all,” Kaidan explained, his voice lowering a bit, “but I know of only one other person to whom she’s ever mentioned Kaysey by name.”  
  
Liara glanced up at him then, ignoring the tears rolling slowly down her cheeks as she understood the point he was making.  “You.”    
  
“Yes.”  
  
They were silent for a moment, both staring down at hands still joined together.  “I … Then I can do only one thing,” Liara finally announced, “and that is hope for her as well.”  
  
Kaidan’s arm tightened around her shoulder once again as he gave her another quick hug.  For now, that would be enough.  When reality eventually intruded, when the truth finally became known, then they could decide just how to move forward with their lives, but until that time, they would keep Shepard alive with hope.


	4. Familiar Faces, Tearful Goodbyes

  
  
  
Shepard had to admit, one of the nicer things about working for Admiral Hackett was that he provided his people with the best equipment available, somehow, some way.  Granted, it wasn’t always easy, and in this particular case much of her equipment had been salvaged from ships within the fleet that had otherwise been destroyed by the Reapers or pulled from service, but the arrangement worked well enough for her.  Shepard was not quite sure if the admiral had done this especially for her (she could not think of a reason why - unless Dr. Michel had approached him again, which was entirely possible) or if other high ranking officers on his staff also received the same benefits, but she was not about to complain.  The equipment before her at the moment was somewhat similar to the layout of the war room on the _Normandy_ , if less cramped for space, and that made doing her job all that much easier to accomplish.  
  
In the center of the room was the holographic display table, similar to the one that she had used on the _Normandy_ , if a bit more aged.  It currently served Shepard’s purposes well, though, focused at the moment on the reconstruction of the Alliance fleet, both in number and quality of ships as well as manpower.  Essentially split down the middle, one side of the display showed a virtual representation of two separate dry docks, one in Vancouver and the other in London.  Each of these locations was broken down to show the ships currently in for repairs, their current status and estimated completion date.  Also running alongside of this information was data in relationship to the next wave of ships that would be brought in as the others were completed and cycled out.  It had taken a while to get the rotation system going, and certainly longer to get the communications between locations up and running, but now that it was, things were beginning to roll along quite nicely.  At any given time, Shepard could call up current data on no less than fifty ships of varying class and size.  
  
The other side of the display table was not so much a multi-dimensional virtual representation of information of what was happening as it was simply a display of current data, in this case on the number of recruits joining the Systems Alliance, their training locations, and projected statistical figures.  The majority of these new recruits were basic naval candidates.  They would be filling the ranks in the ships that departed dry docks after repairs had been completed.  The Alliance fleet had lost a great deal of personnel in the battles with the Reapers throughout the war.  Second to that, and not lagging too far behind in numbers, were the marines going through training.  At the same time that the Alliance was rebuilding, the mass relays and other travel related resources were working to the same ends.  Earth’s colonies out beyond the relays would be needing assistance as soon as contact could be reestablished, and to that end the Alliance was preparing to have marine contingencies ready to send to any or all of them depending on needs at the time.  While complete recovery for the Alliance - that is, returning to numbers as seen before the Reaper war - would take months and even years to achieve, the current influx of people, both in a military role and in more specialized roles, was encouraging.  Apparently, there was nothing quite like a war and the achievements of its heroes to encourage the young to sign up and defend their homes.  Soldiers, engineers and others were flocking to recruitment centers.  It was inspiring to say the least.    
  
Along with this information, Shepard was also keeping track of the N7 trainees.  Again, losses in this quarter had been severe, but recovering here would take longer.  The N7 program accepted only the best of the best, and while numbers were diminished, they would keep their stringent guidelines and selection process in order to find the quality they so desired.  As for tracking them, Shepard was following in large part for her own personal interest, being an N7 herself, but also in the hopes that someday she might actually see one particular name come across her board, and with it some sort of hope for the fate of the others.  
  
Shepard’s attentions at this moment, however, were on an unexpected delay in the Vancouver shipyard.  One of the frigates in for repairs and due for release in the next day or two, set to return to active duty in the fleet, had quite suddenly and unexpectedly developed a serious leak from its eezo core.  A leak that had not been noticed at first because of a ‘faulty’ alarm system.  Only a couple of workers had been injured before the issue was detected, but something about the entire incident had been screaming at Shepard since first finding out about it upon arriving at her office that morning.  Following her gut instinct, and in accordance with her supervisory duties over that particular section, she had linked herself (or at least her display) directly into the investigation and the data feeds coming out of it.  With each passing hour and new report, her suspicions were rising, and not in a good way.  A coincidence was one thing, but a series of them screamed that this was a planned attack.    
  
Because of this, Shepard was in the process of drafting a memo to alert Admiral Hackett on the details of the situation.  Her focus upon the datapad in her hands, it took her a long moment to realize that she had her own, more localized disturbance with which to concern herself.  Setting aside the memo draft, Shepard crossed the room, her concern growing as she heard voices rising loud enough to hear through the barricade.  Whatever was going on out there did not sound good.  Though she could hear raised voices, she could not make out many of the words.  Upon quietly opening the barricade, however, the situation became quite clear quite quickly.  Biting back a grin, Shepard leaned casually against the doorframe, arms crossing over her chest as she simply watched the battle unfold before her.  
  
Facing off in the reception area like two wild varren marking their territory were Lieutenant Shannon Duquesne and Urdnot Wrex, leader of the krogan and personal friend to Shepard.  From what Shepard could tell, Wrex had been attempting to get past Shannon and into Shepard’s office for a visit, but for whatever reason, the lieutenant seemed to have refused his request.  Seemingly undaunted by the krogan and his companions looming over her, Shannon was nearly nose to nose with Wrex, hands on hips, her frown just as fierce as Wrex’s scowl.  Shepard could not restrain a choked laugh, though she managed to cover it with a cough, and thereby drew the attention of the group upon herself.  
  
“Shepard!”  
  
Shepard winced slightly as Wrex’s deep rumbling voice reverberated throughout the room, leaving her ears ringing just a bit.  “I’m right here, Wrex,” she replied calmly, her eyes upon him as he turned to face her.  To Shannon, she murmured, “It’s alright, lieutenant.  He’s a friend.”  
  
The young woman finally backed off with a nod, replying, “As you say, major,” before turning back towards her desk.  To the woman’s credit, Shepard noticed, no weapon had been drawn.   _Interesting,_ Shepard mused silently, but then her attention was caught up once more by Wrex whose deep, rumbling chuckle was followed by a friendly shoulder slap that nearly sent Shepard sailing backwards into her office.    
  
“He he he.  Good to see you, Shepard,” he told her while she gestured him into the room.  She adamantly refused to rub at the shoulder until after Wrex was long gone.  It would not do to let him see what could be interpreted as a weakness.   
  
Shepard followed right behind him, securing the door after her.  “Nothing like making a ‘grand entrance,’ is there, Wrex?” she quipped.  “So, what brings you to Vancouver?  I would have thought you’d have left for Tuchanka by now.”  The last she had seen of the krogan clan leader and his warriors had been in London right before that last push to the Conduit.  
  
Shepard swore she could feel the vibrations of the krogan’s laughter rumbling through the floor.  “Wanted to make sure you were okay before we left,” he explained as he began prowling around the office.  “After that last battle, someone high up in your Alliance command thought to let me know you were still alive, though badly injured.”  
  
“Mmmm.”  Shepard turned to face him, her demeanor turning serious for a moment.  “Krogan losses?” she asked quietly.  She could ignore the references to her own condition for now.  The commander in her needed some other answers first.  
  
But Wrex surprised her by shaking his head and refusing to reply.  “Not your concern, Shepard.  Everyone of my troops knew what he was getting into, and did so willingly.  We needed the Reapers dead just as much as you and everyone else.”  
  
Shepard sighed.  He was right, but it still bothered her.  As for Wrex himself, she thought she could detect one or two new scars on his craggy face.  But he’d made it through.  That thought had her smiling.  “That we all did,” she agreed.  “Can you at least tell me if Grunt -”  
  
More rumbling, but Shepard recognized the sound and sighed in relief.  “Yeah, he made it.  Turning out to be quite the warrior, that one.  I’ve got him organizing the lot still in London as we prepare to leave.”  That announcement caused her smile to widen as Shepard recalled the tank-bred krogan.    
  
Crossing the room, Shepard opened the door leading out onto the balcony overlooking English Bay.  Wrex followed, moving to stand beside her at the railing.  “Any word from Bakara?” Shepard asked after a moment, her thoughts drifting to the one female krogan who had found her purpose in helping to save her race from the genophage.  Shepard was glad she could call the female krogan her friend.  
  
“Once since the battle,” Wrex replied.  “Since the destruction of the relays also took out the comm buoys, we’re all falling back on old technology to get messages through.  Takes longer and isn’t as reliable, but,” he gave her a broad wink and a wide grin, “krogan are better than most.  I did hear from her recently.  She’s been keeping busy - uniting the clans in our name.  Ought to make for interesting times when I get back.”  
  
Shepard’s brow lifted as she glanced at him.  “Oh?  How so?”  
  
Wrex grinned, or at least Shepard thought it was a grin.  With a krogan, you couldn’t always tell.  “Wreav might be gone, but there will be others who won’t like me sharing power with her, despite the curing of the genophage and the destruction of the Reapers.”  
  
Shepard swallowed a laugh.  She’d heard him say something to this effect before, but she also knew that he was more than capable of backing up his words with action.  So was Bakara, for that matter.  They would be quite the pair to reckon with, even by krogan standards.  “I have no doubt that you’ll both have heads rolling in no time,” Shepard commented.  “Hell, if I were krogan, even I wouldn’t be stupid enough to mess with you.”  
  
Wrex laughed, elbowing Shepard’s arm just a bit.  Though for him the move could be classified as ‘gentle,’ it still had Shepard losing her balance and taking a step to the side to regain it.  “As far as I’m concerned, Shepard, you ARE krogan.  All that you’ve done for us … yeah, the krogan will know you are in large part responsible for the changes.”    
  
“Just … no head-butting,” she commented wryly, her hand instinctively lifting up as if to ward him off from doing just that.  Wrex’s laughter was something Shepard knew she would miss when he was gone.    
  
A moment later, however, Shepard’s thoughts shifted and she suddenly had a vision of hordes of laughing krogan babies running around, all of whom were named after her.  It was something he’d mentioned in past discussions, and one that had her side glancing her friend now wondering if the krogan would actually do something like that.  While in its  own way it was an honor to think they might, she nearly shuddered when she realized they no doubt would do just that.  It was a sobering thought. “You know, Wrex, if you name your babies after me, I’m going to have to find myself a new one,” she warned.  
  
That comment set Wrex off chuckling again.  “Yeah, well … you could always change yours, you know.  I didn’t claim you as a sister for nothing.”  
  
Shepard could not resist a laugh herself then.  He had indeed claimed her as a sister after they had cured the genophage.  And she knew from experience that if she wanted to claim the Urdnot as her clan, Wrex would accept it - he’d done as much for Grunt already.  “I might just do that,” she returned with a grin.  “Urdnot Shepard.  Has quite a ring to it, don’t you think?”  More rumblings appeared to agree with her observation.  
  
Then getting back to the important issue, she reminded him simply, “It was the right thing to do, Wrex.  I have never had any regrets in that regard, other than that we couldn’t do anything about it sooner.”  At the time of Virmire, there had been no option other than to destroy the cure.  Since then, they had come a very long way and down some very troublesome paths to get to this point.  But at least now the krogan had a chance at survival.  “Any more grief from the salarians?” Shepard asked then, though her thoughts drifted towards one particular member of that species who assisted them with the cure.  Mordin Solus would not be forgotten.  Ever.  
  
“Nothing we can’t handle,” Wrex replied.  Then he sighed.  “Bakara has it right, I think,” he admitted.  “We need to focus on things other than fighting.  Change will take a while, but I expect we’ll be making some adjustments, even if I have to crack some heads together to get them to listen.  One of these days we’ll learn how to battle in the political arena.”  
  
Shepard eyed the krogan closely after that comment.  Something in the way he’d said that ….  “Planning to take it to the Council, Wrex?”  
  
This time he snorted.  “Yeah, maybe,” he agreed.  “We need more land, homes, purpose.  Who knows?  Maybe we’ll even impress them enough to get a krogan on the Council.”  
  
Shepard smiled, though she shook her head.  “They only just let humanity have a representative.  What makes you think, particularly after what happened with the dalatrass, that they would offer the same to the krogan?”  
  
“What made you think we could defeat the Reapers, Shepard?” he shot back, obviously prepared for her counter.  “What’s your Earth saying?  ‘Hope springs eternal?’  You gave us the chance to hope again.  Sure, it might take some time, but we will hold onto that hope.”  
  
Shepard found herself at a loss for words then.  She had known she offered many of the groups out there hope during the war, even if it was only something that they could focus on for the immediate future as a way to keep in the fight.  But beyond that?  “Well. … If you need support before the Council … you know where to find me.”  And be there for him and the krogan, she would be.   
  
There was a touch of sadness to Wrex’s tone then as he glanced over at her.  “I should get going.  Need to meet back up with the fleet before we leave.”  
  
Shepard smiled and led him back inside through her office.  “I’ll walk with you,” she told him quietly.  If she was reading things right, he was as reluctant as she was to part way.  As they passed through the reception area, she informed Shannon she would be back in a while.  At the same time, the two other krogan fell into line behind her and Wrex as they headed towards the exit of the building.    
  
The docks were only a few blocks away from the building, and while they walked, they discussed various things; more about Tuchanka and Bakara’s efforts there and he explained that the main reason for the delay in their departure was due to fitting the krogan ships for longer travel without use of the mass relays.  For her part, Shepard told him the little she recalled of her time in the Citadel at the end and then of waking up in the hospital some two months later.  She also talked a bit, at least in general, of her new job and Wrex countered with what he expected to find when the krogan arrived home.  Upon finally arriving at the docks, Wrex told her, “If you ever decide to go off saving the galaxy again, Shepard, stop by Tuchanka.  Might be that I need a break from all the politicking that will be going on.”    
  
Shepard laughed.  “Somehow, I don’t think Bakara will agree to you leaving her behind with all the children you are counting on!” she returned as she watched him depart, he and his companions boarding the shuttle that would take them to their ship.  Even after they were long out of sight, she stood there, simply staring off in the distance for a time, wondering if she ever would see him again.  She had met some extraordinary people during her time serving on the _Normandy._  It would be a shame if they could not stay in touch.  
  
Since she was so close, Shepard decided to visit the shipyards and personally check up on the investigation into the frigate mishap.  Try as she might to push her concerns aside regarding the incident, there were still issues bothering her that she wanted to personally look into.  It was late in the afternoon when she finally chose to return to headquarters in order to follow up with her memo to Admiral Hackett on the situation.  However, as she was crossing the lobby towards the elevators, she heard someone shouting out her name and paused to identify her hailer.  Turning, it took Shepard a moment to recognize the woman.  “Lieutenant Sanders!”    
  
Kahlee, slightly out of breath from rushing over, nodded.  “Yes, major,” she gasped.  “Thank you for waiting.  I had hoped to catch up with you at some point, I just didn’t realize I’d be running to do it!”  
  
Shepard smiled and gestured towards the elevators.  “I was just heading back up to my office.  We can go there and chat, if you like?”  
  
But Kahlee shook her head.  “Actually, I was heading out to find some dinner.  Care to join me?”  
  
Shepard hesitated, but finally agreed when the rumbling grumble of her stomach indicated that it was indeed time to eat.  Pausing only a moment longer to use her omni-tool, she sent Shannon a quick message that she would be leaving for the day.  Moments later, she was following the headmistress of Grissom Academy out of the building.  “I hope you don’t mind,” Kahlee told her as they walked along, “but there’s a great sandwich shop around the corner.  One of the things I missed while being stationed at the academy.”  
  
Shepard smiled.  “Fine by me.  Trust me, anything I don’t have to fix for myself will be just fine,” she joked.    
  
When they arrived, the place was humming with activity but they were able to find a table soon enough.  After they had ordered their meal, Kahlee turned towards Shepard and smiled.  “I have been hoping for a chance to thank you in person, major,” she explained.  “The students still talk about your timely rescue and the opportunity you afforded them to assist in the war.”  
  
Shepard chuckled.  “Well, they certainly helped,” she pointed out.  “And the assistance they gave during the battle for Earth afterwards was crucial.  I even spoke with Jack about it.”  
  
Kahlee’s smile widened.  “I will be sure to let them know that you said that.  But you know, one of these days I am ask you for the story behind your acquaintance with Jack,” she admitted.  “For now though, I’ll simply tell you that she has a way with the students unlike any other professor I’ve known.”  
  
Shepard nodded, her smile widening.  “We’ll just say that life taught her that, shall we?”  
  
Kahlee chuckled.  “Sounds about right, from what I know.  But aside from that, I know that without her direct interaction and influence with the kids - well, they would not have been nearly as prepared to help with the war effort.”  
  
After a pause, Shepard asked, “So, are you heading back to Grissom then?  I would imagine you’d have an influx of biotic students after your students’ successes in the war.”  
  
Kahlee chuckled.  “Not to Grissom right away.  Until the mass relays are fixed, it just won’t be a practical location, unfortunately.  We are, however, establishing a branch of the academy on Earth for that very reason.  Those who survived and can get here, others who have decided to join us, that sort of thing.  We will do what we can to keep things going for them.  If not quite ‘normal,’ as close to it as possible.”  
  
Shepard found herself intrigued by this idea.  “I think that’s a great idea,” she agreed.    
  
Their meal arrived soon after, and as they began eating, the discussion inevitably turned towards others, including mutual acquaintances.  “So tell me,” Kahlee was saying, “how did you and David first meet?”  
  
Shepard’s smile was bittersweet.  Thankfully, Kahlee had not asked about the circumstances surrounding Anderson’s death.  Shepard still had dreams about that, though she knew good and well that responsibility and blame fell directly upon the Illusive Man.  “I met Anderson when I was … almost seventeen, I think,” she explained.    
  
Kahlee’s eyes widened just a bit.  “Oh!  I’d forgotten … it had to have been after Mindoir.”  
  
Shepard nodded.  “Yes.  For over a year at that point, the Alliance had been sending me from one group to another to recount my experiences, attempting to determine what exactly happened, that sort of thing.  During one of these transfers I ended up on a ship where Anderson was the captain.  He found me in the observation lounge, staring out at the stars and just struck up a conversation with me.  Before I knew it, we’d become friends.”  
  
Kahlee smiled.  “David had that way with people,” she agreed quietly.    
  
Shepard took a bite of her sandwich before adding, “It was because of him that I enlisted in the marines when I turned eighteen.  Some years later, after what happened at Akuze, he found me again.  We talked, and later I was offered the chance for N7 training.  I found out during training that Anderson was responsible for that, too.”  Sitting back, Shepard shook her head lightly.  “He was an amazing person and one I’m glad I could call friend.”  
  
Kahlee nodded.  “David could see things in people that they didn’t necessarily see in themselves,” she explained.  “If I had to guess, knowing him as I did, he probably first saw something in the way you managed to survive Mindoir and it was that which sparked his interest.”  Shepard nodded.  She’d figured that one out years ago.  “And once David took an interest in a person, he kept after it.”  
  
Shepard sighed.  “He was a good commanding officer,” she told Kahlee quietly, “and great friend.  I always knew I could turn to him if I needed to.”  
  
Conversation gave way to silence then as the two women ate, their thoughts drifting back to their personal associations with the man.  When they parted company after the meal, it was with the promise of staying in touch.  Shepard knew Anderson would never be replaced, but having Kahlee around, someone else who had known him, someone else Shepard could call friend, that might be just a way to help remember him.


	5. Truth Among the Lies

  
  
  
  
The prevailing darkness of this particular meeting location had her nerves on edge as she approached slowly and with extreme caution.  Timing was everything, she supposed, and with the destruction of the Reapers such a recent traumatic event for all involved, well … _Talk about atmosphere._  To top things off, a fine mist was falling, dampening everything around her - pavement, buildings, the piles of rubble that remained - just enough of a sheen to give that added sense of foreboding.  It all grated on her nerves like salt on an open wound, just as she supposed it was meant to do.  Though initial contact had been brief, she had gotten the sense that they knew what they were about.  This was not new to them.  It would not do to mess with them in any way, particularly the wrong way.  
  
Stepping gingerly around the remnants of God-only-knew-what, she continued on towards her destination.  In all truthfulness, she didn’t want to be here.  Not one bit.  However, given the circumstances, she really had no choice.  That particular option had been taken from her the moment they had found her estranged mother, her only living relative.  Had she been of a more mercenary personality, she might have just called their bluff and walked away, uncaring of what happened to someone she’d not seen or spoken with since before the war.  But that was not her way, and so she had agreed to meet.  They had known how to get to her.  
  
Although it was quiet, that did not necessarily mean there was a lack of sound surrounding her.  She could hear the soft echo of water dripping off of something, presumably splashing into a puddle below.  The wind, too, was drifting around her, she could both feel it as it brushed against her face and her hands, the only skin she had exposed at the moment, as well as hear the soft whistling as it maneuvered around metal beams and concrete barriers.  Her footsteps, though she tried to keep them near silent, also could be heard, each step echoing very loudly in her head.  
  
What on Earth had she been thinking?  
  
“That is far enough.”  
  
The sudden injection of a deep but otherwise indeterminable voice into the area had her gasping for breath in surprise, jumping and turning in the direction of the sound even as her hand rose to press against her chest in the universal reaction to fright.  She squinted some, searching for the person who had spoken, but she could see no one in her line of sight.  “Where … where are you?” she called out, her voice wavering in a display of the fear she would prefer to keep hidden, but found herself unable to do.  
  
“My location at the moment is irrelevant.  You are the object of this discussion.”  
  
She blinked.   _Object_?  What odd terminology to use.  “Wh-what do you want from m-me?”  She bit her lip then, hoping the pain and pressure from her teeth as she bore down would help her stop the stammering.  This wasn’t helping her cause at all.  
  
There was a pregnant pause and she closed her eyes for a moment, focused in on her hearing, trying to determine if she could identify his location.  She thought she heard footsteps nearby, maybe even a hoarse whispering, but she was not certain.    
  
“We want your cooperation.”  The simplicity of the statement was lost in the finality of his steely tone.  It brooked no argument.  
  
She swallowed convulsively.  “It … it doesn’t have to be like this,” she called out again, desperation doing strange things to her thought processes.  Was she actually trying to negotiate with them?  “I … I will help you.  Willingly.  Just -”  
  
“Your mother will remain where she is until we have what we want.”  
  
She swallowed again.  The voice, so heavy and harsh, was unrelenting.  She sighed.  There would be no other way around this it seemed.  “What sort of … cooperation?  What is it that you want from me?”    
  
Another pause.  She continued to scan the area, wishing she had thought to bring something - a flashlight, some sort of thermal scanning device, _any_ thing to help her identify the location.  The stress of this not knowing would be the death of her.    
  
“It is quite a simple assignment.  All we want is information,” the voice explained reasonably.  “You have a connection with someone in whom we are very interested.”  
  
She felt a frown pull at her face then.  Instinct began screaming at her then, heavily hinting that this deal was a no win situation for her.  “I am in contact with many people,” she countered.  “Please be more specific.”  There!  She’d had the gall to stand up to him, to actually _demand_ something.  She could turn now and flee ….  
  
“Major Shepard.”  This time, there was no hesitation in his response.    
  
And just as quickly, she felt herself deflate, all sense of accomplishment gone.  Blinking, she heard a soft gasp slip past her lips.  “But … but why?” she asked, astonishment clear in her tone.  “What could you possibly -”  
  
“You do not need to know our reasons, only that we want the information.  And if we do not get it ….”  Left hanging as it was, this last became a threat.  
  
This time, it was she who paused.  He was right - the reasons were not important at the moment.  On the other hand, she would need more specifics before she could even hope to start satisfying … or misleading them.   _Now there’s a thought_ , she mused silently.   _I should be capable of doing something like that, right?  Of leading them in the wrong direction for an extended length of time?_  “What sort of information do you require?”  
  
Another delay.  
  
“I … would need guidance,” she added logically, carefully, “or I might not give you what you are needing.”    
  
And still she waited.  Venturing forth once more, she hedged, “Can you not simply take the information from what is already out in the public record and -”  
  
“No.”  The voice was clear, adamant.  “We need more specifics.  Locations at any given time.  Schedules.  Security around her.  Opportunities.”  
  
She bit her lip again.   _Opportunities?_  This did not bode well at all.  “What is it you intend to do?”    
  
She heard heavy steps this time to her right.  Turning, she found someone dressed in heavy armor approaching her, and instinct had her backing up several steps.  “Our intentions are none of your concern.  The issue is a private matter.  Your assistance will merely aid us in it’s proper conclusion.”  
  
It was then that she realized the voice was coming from a communicator that was being held out by the armored person standing before her.  So, she was not even speaking with a live person, but a voice being filtered and projected.  However, as her eyes lifted to his face, she saw the visor rise and behind it, eyes that certainly were real enough, so she knew that there was a live person there at least.  Presumably one who would convince her in any way necessary to assist with their request.  Swallowing again, she managed, “But you … you can’t.”  
  
“You dare to tell us what we can and cannot do?”  
  
The armored body took a threatening step towards her and she cringed.  “No!  What I mean is … the major … she … she is pregnant.  You will endanger the child.”  
  
This time the pause was lengthy, and she supposed that if the person with whom she was speaking had been standing before her, she would have been able to see them rethinking the situation.  Or at least, she hoped that would be the case.   _Call this whole thing off!_  
  
“The child …”  
  
She nodded, fear holding her tongue this time.  When she saw the armored man pressing a button, she realized that he must be communicating with the disembodied voice.  “The child is healthy,” she added quickly.  “And … unique.”  There.  Something to distract them perhaps?  Take their attention away from Shepard herself?  
  
“Unique?  What do you mean by this?”  
  
Then again, maybe not.  “The child is showing signs of being biotic,” she explained.  
  
A snort of derision.  “That is nothing new.  Human biotics are a credit a dozen these days.”  
  
Wringing her hands together, she struggled to make the choice.  She needed to get free of this situation somehow.  If she told them the truth, would they let her go?  “The child … is showing very strong biotic signs in the womb,” she explained.  “There is talk around those who are in the know that this could be the first non-asari natural biotic ever in the sense that its powers will be naturally and unusually strong enough to not require implants of any kind to enhance them.”    
  
Hesitation.  Did they understand what she was saying?  Was she even making any sense?  From all that she’d heard, she knew this situation to be the likely case.  Never before had any child, aside from an asari, been born with such strong biotics that they did not need an implant to assist with their control and usage of such skills.  She had seen some of the information on Shepard’s child.  She had worked with asari biotics before.  There was something similar there, something that could not be ignored, though how exactly it had come about she did not know.  But at the moment, her first and foremost concern was, would this information be enough to dissuade these people from harming the major?    
  
After the destruction of the Reapers, Shepard had become a symbol for humans and other species alike, a hero who had saved the entire galaxy despite momentous odds against her.  To take her now, to harm her, or even worse, would be demoralizing for many people, herself included.  And now, the Alliance had Shepard assisting with their recovery efforts.  
  
Finally, after an indeterminable length of time, the voice returned.  “For now, you will return to your position.  Your goal will be to keep contact with Major Shepard for us, ensuring that she and her child remain in good health.  Nothing is to happen to her.  Is that understood?  You must see that she is protected at all costs.”  
  
She swallowed, sensing that something had changed.  “I -”  
  
“Do you understand?”  
  
“Y-yes.  I understand.”  
  
“Good.  Your mother will remain our permanent guest to ensure your continued cooperation.  Now go.”  
  
Turning, she started to walk away, though she did overhear the man’s voice saying (presumably to the armored delivery boy), “... meeting.  Our objective has changed.  New tactics and strategies will become necessary.”  Shuddering, she began to realize that she had not dissuaded them in the least, simply altered the nature of their mission.  Dear God, what had she done?

* * *

  
  
They waited until they were certain she was no longer within hearing range before speaking again.  “What if she won’t cooperate?”  
  
There was a moment of silence as this question was considered before the reply was issued.  “She will.  She has no choice.  With the mother under our ‘protection,’ she will have no other option but to do as we ask.”  
  
“And this … child?”  
  
Another pause.  “This new development will need to be considered and carefully evaluated, but it has the potential to move us forward.  In the meantime, complete your assignment there and then return to base.  We have some planning to do.”  
  
“Affirmative.”  
  
The communicator was silenced after that, slipping easily into the pouch at his waist before he turned to follow.  He might be armored, but he knew how to travel quietly when necessary.  And with this meeting out of the way, he now had only to meet with the other agents already in place to confirm contact arrangements, funneling of supplies and the like.  The Systems Alliance might think they were now safe from them, but they would soon find out that they were still a force to be reckoned with.  A smile curved at his lips behind his helm.  And the one person responsible for their downfall would finally pay for her meddling.  On that day, he would be leading the toasts to his fallen comrades in arms.  



	6. Pay Grade

  
  
  
  
“Sir, I’m still not sure I fully understand why you brought me onto your staff.  I would think I’m more suited to being out in the field, or at least out on patrol, than behind a desk.”  Being out on patrol would at least give her the illusion of being involved on a more active basis, unlike the office where the closest she came to being involved in a mission was walking across the street to get lunch each day.  
  
One of the disadvantages to being assigned to this desk job was the necessity of weekly staff meetings and additional impromptu ones at the whim of Admiral Hackett.  Not that the man abused her time at all, she noted silently.  Far from it, actually.  He seemed quite content to just sit back and let Shepard do her job as she saw fit which, she supposed, was what he had always done where she was concerned.  Certainly it had been his operating procedure during the Reaper War.  But then again, she mused as she waited for his response, she had been out ‘in the field’ at the time, making alliances, obtaining resources and trying to find a way to defeat the Reapers.  Now, she was reduced to simply pushing numbers around and writing reports.  And while she understood the necessity for such things, Shepard knew that her strengths lay beyond a desk and datapad.    
  
“Major, I understand your concerns and your reluctance to accept this new position,” the admiral announced, “but the fact of the matter is quite simple: there are specific reasons for your current assignment.”  
  
Shepard sighed.  Of course there were.  The military had reasons for everything.  And yet …  Shepard looked over at the admiral, wondering just how it was one man could sound as if he was saying so much when in reality it was very little?  “Those being, sir?” she asked, hoping he would clarify.  If there was some sort of agenda that she was being manipulated towards, she wanted to know what it was sooner rather than later.  
  
The admiral, to his credit, was being quite patient with her today.  This meeting had started as a reaction to her latest report regarding the update on the fleet but had meandered off on a side topic.  She knew him to be a busy man.  As the highest surviving ranking officer in the Alliance, it had fallen to him to start the process of returning things to normal.  Shepard was honored that he thought her worthy enough to be a part of the team to assist with this process.  Apparently, he must have felt the same towards her, at least in some regard, because he would make time to stop by Shepard’s office to see her in person regarding such things.  Shepard understood that and appreciated it, but she was at a point where she could not keep her silence any longer.  This was something that had been building for weeks, and while perhaps not quite on the same level of respect and understanding with her than Anderson had been, Shepard was aware that the man before her now would listen as long as she did not waste his time.    
  
Besides, after saving the galaxy from the Reapers, she deserved a straight answer, didn’t she?  
  
From his position over beside the holographic display where he had been examining her tracking information, the admiral now turned to face Shepard who was standing, her hip leaning against the edge of her desk, arms crossed over her chest as she waited.  She thought she detected a flash of amusement in his eyes, but she was not positive.  He was a difficult man to read at times, but that he had a sense of humor, she knew without a doubt based on stories related to her over the years by Anderson.  That he would elect to display it here at this time, was not so certain.  
  
“First and foremost,” he began, his voice taking on that same tone as he had during her mission debriefings during the war, “I need your assistance, major.  You have proven time and again that you can get the job done, no matter what it takes.  I need that, the Alliance needs that.  Especially now.  Until our fleet is rebuilt, until the mass relays are repaired and travel routes reestablished, we will be vulnerable.  Yes we are currently allied with the rest of the galaxy, but you and I both know that, despite our victory against the Reapers, we still have enemies out there.  Having you on my team and assisting with the process makes this happen much more quickly and efficiently.  Plus there is the simple fact that you are able to achieve as much as you are with relative ease compared to anyone else on my staff even at your current rank.”  
  
Shepard sighed and nodded at that last.  She had wondered at that as well, though she did not question him about it here.  She was the most junior member of his senior staff, and yet despite this she was getting the job done.  Not that the others weren’t, but in a situation where reputation and appearance could be just as important as the actual progress, it did give her an advantage over the others.  As for her success, well, there were benefits to being a hero, she supposed.  But that did not change the fact that she disliked being stuck behind the desk.  
  
“On that note, had I been able, I would have requested you to be promoted two pay grades.”  
  
Shepard had to wonder at her sudden need for air.  Had she taken a blow to the midsection?  Stunned by this announcement, she could only stare at him in disbelief.  If he promoted her too far up the chain of command, she’d likely never see a ship again except through a window while it was in port.  “Sir -”  
  
“However, that will have to wait for now.”  
  
She sighed softly.  Thankfully.  At least this way she had potential to get back out on a ship again.  Right?  Damn, she hoped so.  
  
“Keep in mind, major, you have worked yourself into quite the position.”  
  
Frowning, Shepard challenged, “I’m not sure I understand what you mean, sir.”  
  
A smile cracked his features this time.  “You are in the unique situation,” he announced and Shepard felt the heavy weight of a ball of dread as it formed in the pit of her stomach, “of being the most qualified to take up as Earth’s representative to the Citadel when it is operational once more.”  
  
Had she not been leaning against her desk, Shepard thought she might have fallen over in a crumpled heap onto the floor just then.   _Earth’s representative …._  Dear Lord, was he mad?  “I’m sorry, sir,” she finally managed, struggling to get her head to work again after such an announcement, “but … you want me to do what?”  He couldn’t be serious … could he?    
  
“Relax, major,” he assured her as he crossed the room.  “It will be some time before this is all set into motion.  And in the meantime -”  
  
Shepard still felt as if she’d taken a blow to her midsection, as winded as she was just then.  “I know, admiral, but … you’re telling me that you want me to … I mean ….”  Was he saying what she thought he was saying?  That she was being groomed to take up Anderson’s old position?  The one Udina had held until his involvement with the Cerberus coup attempt?  They wanted her to become a politician?!  
  
“Shepard.”  
  
She found herself looking up at him, the importance of what he was telling her now seeping in as he used her name instead of her rank.  The admiral was a stickler for protocol, and quite deservedly so as given his rise from the enlisted ranks to his current position of fleet admiral.  But this ….  “Sir, I -”  
  
The admiral guided her to a chair so she could sit.  The fact that she moved without argument probably told him more about her current state than anything.  Taking her seat, she noticed her hands trembling.  “As I said, this is in the works.  It is something that will happen down the road, but your service record is beyond reproach.”  
  
Shepard swallowed tightly before looking up at him again.  “Even after -”  
  
He cut her argument off before she could get started.  “Yes.  You saved the galaxy, major.  Despite the difficulties, you managed to convince the other races, some of whom had been at odds with each other for hundreds of years, that we had to work together to defeat the Reapers.  Those are hard facts to argue with.”  
  
Alright, he had a point there, even she had to admit that.   _Damn the man_!  
  
“And though they were slow to react, Alliance Command did recognize the truth of your warnings.  But that was then, and we are talking about the future here.  For now you need to focus on two things.”  Still stunned, Shepard struggled just to focus on his words at the moment.  “First and foremost of those is regaining your health.  Dr. Michel is keeping me informed, by the way,” he warned lightly, “so don’t assume I am not in the know.”  Shepard sighed.  She had pretty much figured that part out, but having him confirm it just sealed the deal, so to speak.  At least before she had the illusion she might be able to find ways around it.    
  
“Aside from that, look at what you have done in the six weeks you’ve been at this.”  He gestured towards the display table.  “Your organizational abilities speak louder than anything, major.”  
  
 _Nooooooooooo!_ a voice inside her head screamed.  “Yes, sir,” came her somewhat meek reply as he took the seat next to her.  She’d damned herself with her abilities, hadn’t she?  She suddenly felt the need to pinch the bridge of her nose, but she held off while the admiral was present.  Sighing, Shepard had a sudden memory of speaking with Garrus right before that last push through London.   _“We’ll retire to someplace warm and tropical and live off the royalties from the vids.”_  If only!    
  
“Now, do you have any other specific questions or concerns, major?”  
  
Shepard bit her lip and thought for a moment.  He’d thrown her for such a loop, it was hard to regain any thoughts she might have had earlier.  “Sir, you mentioned the Citadel.”  She still had horrific memories of what she’d seen there during that last battle.  She wasn’t certain she ever wanted to return knowing what it had been used for at the very end.  “What do we know about recovery efforts there?”  
  
The admiral was silent for a moment, choosing his words carefully.  “As I’m sure you have guessed, many did not survive the Reaper take over of the Citadel when the Illusive Man tipped them off.”  
  
Shepard shuddered lightly.  So many innocents would have died that day.  How many had been people she had known personally?  The Councilors?  Commander Bailey?  Civilians she had met and helped over the years?  And all because the Illusive Man had managed to stay one step ahead of her until the very end.  “The Council?” she ventured at last.    
  
Admiral Hackett nodded.  “Yes, C-Sec was able to evacuate the Council.  Their current location is not known, but it is believed that they are now en route to Earth to supervise the reconstruction efforts on the Citadel.”  
  
“That might take some time,” she mused, though no less thankful, “if they are having to rely on FTL to get here.”  A sudden recollection of something Wrex had told her before he left for Tuchanka returned.  “Urdnot Wrex mentioned that the comm buoys went down with the mass relays, but that he’d been in contact with Tuchanka via older means of communication.  Have we had any success in contacting other worlds?  Any of our colonies?”  
  
“Some,” the admiral admitted, “though not nearly as many as we would like.  The problem is simple: in order to go back to the old way of doing things, you have to have people who remember the old ways and who have equipment that can be repurposed.  With each day that number is growing.”   
  
Leaning back in her chair, Shepard struggled with a half-memory.  Something from talking with the Catalyst, though she was having trouble centering in on it.  So much of that conversation was still a haze in her mind.  Whether due to the strangeness of it all or simply the pain from the severity of her injuries, she would probably never know.  Hackett must have noticed her effort, however, as he commented, “Something troubling you, major?”  
  
Her eyes narrowing into a frown, she fought harder to retrieve the conversation.  It had been something … important.  “There was something that the Catalyst said,” she admitted quietly.  “Something I can’t quite recall.”  Lifting a hand to her temple, she began rubbing in gentle circles, a technique she often used for headaches, to see if it might help her make the connection.  “He told me … he said something about the damage to the relays.  About how the damage to them would be severe, but that it would be simple enough for those who knew how and had the training, to fix it.”    
  
The admiral nodded, and Shepard found reassurance in that simple movement.  “We have several teams evaluating and beginning reconstruction efforts on the Charon Relay right now,” he explained.  “While I’ve not seen any specifics yet on their efforts, what little I have heard back from them supports that theory.”  
  
“So, our focus will be upon getting the comm buoys up and running first?”   
  
Shepard watched him nod, though he said nothing else for a moment and she had the strangest sensation that he was withholding information from her.  She knew him well enough to understand that he would not share any information if he did not want to, though.  Instead, turning the topic, she asked, “Just one more question, sir: Anything new on the _Normandy_?”  
  
The admiral rose to his feet.  “Not yet, major.  Remember, it’s only been a little over three months.  Give them time.”  
  
Shepard stood and saluted him, though she felt dissatisfied with this response.  “Yes, sir,” she returned as she walked him to the door.  Stepping through into the reception area, the admiral returned a salute to Shannon, who rose the moment the door opened, and then turned to leave with one last comment.  “Keep me updated on those ships, major.  And congratulations on a job well done.”    
  
Shepard nodded.  “Thank you, sir,” she replied as the door closed behind him.  It took a moment for the entirety of the conversation she had just had with the man to hit her, but once it did, Shepard turned to face Shannon.  “Next time,” she told the lieutenant dryly, “you meet with him.  That was mostly your report, after all.”  
  
Shepard saw the lieutenant smirk slightly.  The younger woman appeared to have as dry a sense of humor as Shepard herself.  One of the many plusses Shepard had noticed in working with the lieutenant over the past few weeks.  “Ma’am, I just helped organize the information you gave me,” she commented.  “The admiral would hardly be interested in the likes of me for discussion.”  
  
Shepard snorted softly.  “Oh, I don’t know about that,” she mused softly, almost absently.  “You should hear what he has in store for me....”  


* * *

  
  
As she returned to her seat behind her desk, Shannon found herself wondering if the major had any idea how readable her face could be at times.  Right now, Shannon noted a mixture of disbelief and wonder.  Though she would not admit it openly, the lieutenant had found a way to monitor the conversation in Shepard’s office without anyone being the wiser.  Well, except for Admiral Hackett, but then he’d been the one to suggest it to her in the first place.  As he’d reasoned, a little bit of deception was well worth it if it helped the lieutenant to anticipate her superior’s needs, right?  At that moment, based off of what Shannon had overheard in this conversation, and knowing her mentor’s current state of health and mind, Shannon thought she might have the perfect distraction in mind.  “Major, might I have a moment?”  
  
Eyeing Shepard’s body language closely, Shannon was relieved that, despite the weary sigh, the woman seemed open to further conversation.  “Of course.”  
  
Good.  She had her attention.  Now, how to do this without giving away more information than she wanted to just yet.  “I had a thought, if you’re interested,” she began.  After all, the major was a sharpshooter?  Why not make the offer?    
  
“Oh?”  
  
“I was going to head down to the shooting range this afternoon,” Shannon explained.  She offered a lopsided smile as she added, “To keep my proficiency up.”  
  
This appeared to catch the major’s interest.  “Oh?  Up for recertification soon?”  
  
Shannon nodded, though that wasn’t quite true.  She’d passed her recertification just before hostilities had begun the year before.  But Shepard didn’t need to worry about that, not if this gave her a way to get out and relax some.  “With the end of the war and everything, and being given a desk job, well … I think I should brush up a bit.”  
  
Shepard’s smile was a warm one and Shannon felt just the smallest twinge of guilt for deceiving her.  “No harm in that,” she agreed.  
  
“I was going to meet some friends, too.  We all fought together during the war.”  Shannon wondered if she was laying it on a bit too thick.  The only plus she had at the moment was that she knew Shepard had no clue as to the role that Shannon and her squad had played in the major’s rescue.  The doctor still wanted that kept quiet for now.  “Would you like to join us?  I mean, I don’t think it would go against your current medical orders to take shooting practice and then go out for dinner, would it?”  
  
Shannon watched Shepard closely, hiding a smile when she saw the major debating the idea.   _Please,_ she thought.   _Please say yes.  The others have been bugging me for weeks about meeting you now that you’re well again …._  And really, it would be a nice change of pace, right?  
  
“Alright, lieutenant,” Shepard finally agreed.  A quick glance at the clock had both women smiling.  “Let me change into something more appropriate for the shooting range and I’ll be ready to go.”  
  
Shannon grinned.  “Yes, ma’am.”  While Shepard returned into her office for a few moments, Shannon used her omni-tool to message the others, alerting them to the change of plans and reminding them that they were to make no mention of their part in Shepard’s rescue.  Once assured of this, she closed down her computer and grabbed her things, by which time Shepard was exiting the office.  “Ready, ma’am?”  
  
Shepard’s smile seemed almost excited then.  “Lead on, lieutenant.”

* * *

  
  
The idea of taking a weapon in hand once more, even if only to practice with, was something that Shepard was a bit startled to find quite so enticing.  But while many might claim it was because of her chosen lifestyle, or the stress of the past three years or so, Shepard felt it was truly something that dated back to her childhood when her father had taken her out and taught her how to use a weapon for the first time.  Her experiences handling one of any sort had come at his hands, teaching his daughter to protect the farm from various intruders, most of which were four-legged wild animal variety.  He’d also instructed her in no uncertain terms that weapons were not to be used on humans or other alien species except as a last resort.  Over the years, even after joining the military, Shepard had kept this in mind and it had gone a long way towards shaping her peacemaking abilities.  There had been those who expressed their surprise when, knowing of her experiences on Mindoir, finding her willing to assist batarians in need; still others could not seem to get past how she could work with Cerberus after they had been behind the attack against Shepard and her company on Akuze.  But Shepard, to her credit and through her experiences, had learned how to separate the personal from business; though it did occasionally come at a cost.  Just what that cost was, no one, save for a few very close friends, ever was allowed to witness.    
  
Garrus Vakarian had been one of the few to spot it almost immediately, particularly during the Reaper War, and had helped her to find ways in which to deal with it.  One of the more unique methods he’d used had been to take her to the top of the Presidium for a shooting match, to finally sort out ‘once and for all’ which of the two of them had been the better shot.  Friendly banter, light hearted laughter and even a bit of somewhat professional competition and showmanship had done wonders to improve her state of mind at that point.  Shepard had never forgotten that outing and doubted she ever would.  Now, as she lifted her pistol and sighted the target, the memories settled about her, providing comfort and focus.    
  
Though there were differences between weapons, Shepard had selected a pistol to shoot with this day.  How she missed her M-98 Widow, but that had been lost in the last push towards the Conduit in London.  There were other sniper rifles available at the range for use, but she knew better than to give it serious consideration.  Given her current condition, Shepard figured she shouldn’t be using such a weapon anyway.  She could almost see Dr. Michel standing before her, arms crossed, shaking her head in disapproval at Shepard for even considering such an idea.  So instead, she was relying on the M3-Predator.  For someone like herself who could only rely on weapons for defense in combat, not having any biotic talents, she felt nearly naked with only a handgun.  That being said, however, she managed to comport herself more than adequately, managing an overall rating of 95% … to her companion’s 96%.  Not too bad for someone who hadn’t touched a weapon in over three months.  
  
Glancing over at the lieutenant as she switched out the empty clip for a fresh one, Shepard commented, “Proficiency testing, hmm?”  
  
The lieutenant could not hold back a smirk as her companions snickered.  Shepard for her part, just chuckled.  It was a distraction and a good one at that, she had to admit.  She would probably later thank Shannon for her efforts to that end.  But for now, feeling the return of that old competitive nature that had spurred her and Garrus along, she offered, “One more clip?”  And in this particular competition, she would _not_  be pulling her shots!  
  
“Age before beauty, major,” Shannon quipped and took a step back.  
  
Shepard snorted.  “Disrespectful kids,” she muttered good naturedly while tossing them a grin, “the lot of you.”  Their laughter assured her they had indeed taken it in jest.  
  
A short while later, Shepard was returning the pistol to the sergeant in charge of the range and turning to face the others.  “Well, lieutenant,” she commented casually as she and the others departed the range, “it would seem there is more to this story than you are telling me.”  
  
The lieutenant had the good grace to blush just a bit, though she kept her smile in place.  “I’m not nearly as good a shot as my brother was,” she replied.  “He was insistent that I learn in order to protect myself during the war.”  
  
Shepard noted that the others became more quiet than they had been to that point, which suggested to her that they had known the lieutenant’s brother as well.  Shannon had said that they’d fought together during the resistance to the Reapers.  That would explain a lot.  “Well I am sure that he would be proud of all you have accomplished,” she returned quietly.   _Was.  Well, he wouldn’t be the first brother killed in the war._  
  
Shannon nodded.  “He was,” she replied.  “It was hard to deny when I had to save his sorry ass time and again.”  Shepard watched the other woman closely for any signs that the conversation was taking too dark of a turn, but the lieutenant seemed to be faring well enough.  “Brothers can be a royal pain sometimes,” she added.  “Especially when they’re younger than you.”  
  
Shepard chuckled.  “I can imagine,” she agreed lightly.    
  
The others began offering their own insights into being brothers then, older and younger, and Shepard found herself quite entertained as they made their way to the nearby establishment for their meal.  The place was an old style tavern, Shepard noticed, and as such did not draw the same sort of clientele that the more modern bars and dance clubs did.  No loud music, but plenty of company surrounding you.  Camaraderie.  It was a nice change up from some of the places Shepard had visited over the past few years.  They found a large table near the back and settled themselves in.  It became apparent quite quickly to Shepard that her companions knew the owner, a grizzled older man named Ryan, as without even asking he began sending food and drinks their way.    
  
For the most part, Shepard sat back for the remainder of the evening and simply observed.  Shannon and her friends had stories aplenty from their experiences during the war, and Shepard found listening to them to be an eye-opening experience.  She was reminded of the time at _Purgatory_ , early on in the Reaper War, when James convinced her to buy drinks for some of the non-coms who, he pointed out, were intimidated by her reputation.  Though she hadn’t noticed it, explaining to James that she was a soldier just like them, the interaction she’d had with the marines during that visit had made it beyond clear how they had felt.  Not only had the move brought her down to a level where simple soldiers could relate to her, but she had learned a thing or two from them in return.  It was a lesson she would not forget.  
  
By the end of the evening, as their tab came due (at a considerably lower amount than Shepard had expected) and credits were being tossed into the pile, Shepard heard one of the privates, Nichols she thought his name was, making a toast.  “To those we lost, to those we found and to those who remain.”  Shepard raised her glass with the others, though it was clear that the words meant something of more personal significance to them.    
  
They shared a cab back to headquarters where the group finally broke apart for the evening.  Shepard bit back grins and giggles as the slightly inebriated enlisted men attempted to salute her, returning the gesture quickly so as to keep injuries to a minimum.  Then watching as they tottered off together in the direction of one of the many temporary barracks, Shepard glanced over at Shannon.  “Lieutenant,” she announced, her tone becoming a bit more serious for the moment, “I want to thank you.”  
  
Shannon, Shepard noted, seemed surprised.  “You do?”  
  
Shepard nodded.  “You aren’t the first officer to see things a bit more clearly than her superior.  Thanks … for making me take a break.  For allowing me to step back and see things from another perspective.”  
  
Shannon smiled back.  “You’re welcome, ma’am.  I’m glad you enjoyed it.  I know they,” she gestured loosely in the direction her friends had taken, “got a kick out of it as well.”  
  
As Shepard turned towards the medical wing, she noted that Shannon was following along, either as an escort or because she was not finished speaking.  Whatever the case, it didn’t bother Shepard.  She’d enjoyed the evening and learned a thing or two that she had not known before.  Rather productive outing, all in all.  

 


	7. Paperback Writer

  
  
  
Disruption of sleep was nothing new for him.  Kaidan had faced this issue numerous times over the past few years, particularly as he’d risen in rank and shouldered the ever increasing weight of responsibility and the tough calls that went along with it.  There was an old saying, _It’s lonely at the top_ , and he thought now he could understand just what that meant.  It was something he had witnessed in others as well, most recently during the Reaper War.  How many times had he and Shepard spent time together with him later waking to find himself alone because she ‘hadn’t had the heart’ to wake him after one of her nightmares?  He’d tried to convince her otherwise, but given her stubborn nature, she’d not changed her ways.  And she thought _he_ was the stubborn one?  
  
Rising from the bed now, Kaidan stretched his arms over his head in an attempt to loosen the tightened muscles of his shoulders to something more tolerable.  Though he was fully recovered from the injuries received on Mars the year before, the muscles there had the tendency to stiffen up on him occasionally, almost as a reminder of how close he’d come to death.  A subtle hint perhaps of what was at stake now?  Whether the case or not, he knew that he’d give almost anything to find some sort of distraction, something to keep him from worrying about whether or not the repairs to the _Normandy_ that they had just about completed would be enough to make them safely space worthy once again.  Concern about how they would make their way back to Earth, and what they might find there when they arrived.  Panic at the thought of stopping along the way and finding out specifically what had happened to end the war and whether or not Shepard had survived was sure to drive him insane.  
  
Sighing, Kaidan began rubbing the back of his neck then, padding over to the nearby desk to sit.  Though it had been agreed among the others that he take over Shepard’s cabin for the duration, it remained her desk still, a chess set, the few datapads and other items laying atop the surface reminders of the days leading up to London.  But aside from all of this, he knew that the lower right hand drawer was where she often kept a bottle of whiskey for the times when he would stop by for a drink.  He wondered if there might still be one there.  He didn’t think they’d finished off the last bottle, and one drink usually was just enough to help him relax so that he could sleep at times like this.  Take the edge off, so to speak.  Seating himself in the chair, he reached down and tugged at the handle.  With the smallest bit of resistance, it opened and he leaned over to find ….  
  
Kaidan reached inside and grasped the bottle, the weight of it indicating that it was still half filled.  But as his hand moved to wrap around the container, retrieving it out of the drawer, he felt something else inside there shift against his hand.  Reaching back inside, his fingers brushed against some sort of … material he thought?  But there was a stiffness to it.  The moment he had it in hand, he realized what it was, of course.  The shape, weight and feel of it was more than recognizable, though he’d not seen one like this in quite a while.  Pulling the item into his line of vision, he noted that it was indeed a book, leather bound, aged and worn.  Tucked into the spine, he found an ink pen.  In a day and age when most communications were made via computer, vid comm, datapad or other electronic means, to find such a thing was a bit rare indeed.  To find it in Shepard’s desk normally would have been even more so, except that Kaidan seen it before.  Shortly after she had taken over command of the _Normandy_ , he’d visited her in her cabin to find her writing in it.  It was a journal, she had explained to him.  The book had been given to her by Anderson upon her completion of N7 training, a small thing that was meaningful only between the two of them.  But it would have been lost when the _Normandy_ went down, wouldn’t it?  
  
A cursory scan told him that the book had suffered some physical damage over the years: burnt edges, scorch marks and even what looked to be water damage had wrinkled the bottom and side edges of the pages, giving the book a peculiar warped look.  Curiosity pricked at him, but it didn’t take him long to realize that it must be the original journal and that she must have found it when searching the remains of the _Normandy_.  And while he’d not seen her with it during the Reaper War, she had told him once about finding the _Normandy_ ’s crash site while working for Cerberus, about collecting up the dog tags of those lost.  If she could find dog tags, she could find a book, right?  
  
Opening the front cover, Kaidan found it was dated and contained a brief inscription from Anderson.   _“The past will always be yours, Shepard.”_  That made him smile a bit.   _Sounds like Anderson_ , he thought.  He’d also heard Shepard say the same thing many times over the years.  How appropriate that he found it in here, of all places.  
  
Rising, Kaidan moved over to the more comfortable couch nearby, grabbing the bottle of whiskey, a glass and the book to take with him.  He sat and poured himself a measure of the liquid, then sat back with it and the book in hand … and began to consider.  He’d told Joker and Liara that he was holding out hope that Shepard was still alive.  That had not changed at all, but realistically, Kaidan understood that the chances of it being so were slim to none.  After all, the energy pulse that had caused them to crash land on this planet had come from the Crucible, docked at the Citadel.  To make that happen, Shepard would have had to have been on board at the time, wouldn’t she?  Wincing at the thought, Kaidan took a long pull from the drink in one hand while staring at the book he held in the other.  This was, in all likelihood, the last true connection he would ever have to her.  Were the circumstances different, he would not even be considering the idea.  A very private person himself, he was respectful of others’ as well.  But he missed that connection to Shepard.  Needed it.  Craved it, even.  Would there be any harm if he took a look into her private and innermost thoughts held within these pages?  They could provide him with some sort of guidance, if nothing else; perhaps even comfort for a future which most likely would not include her.    
  
Another long pull of whiskey and Kaidan could feel the warmth of the liquid spreading throughout his entire body.  Tension began to ease, muscles began to relax, and yet still he hesitated.  He and Shepard had declared themselves to each other, more or less, before that last battle.  Had it been solely due to the darkness of an unknown future looming over them?  Kaidan rejected that idea almost immediately, at least where he was concerned.  What he’d avowed to her had been growing from the moment they had first met four years before.  And though she had found comfort with someone else for a time, he didn’t hold that against her.  He knew he couldn’t really blame her for that as he’d shut her out at the time, allowing the pain and anguish at having lost her grow and fester into something that had ultimately pushed her away more certainly than her ‘death’ had once they’d found each other again.  They’d since forgiven each other, each by their own admissions, and he’d certainly believed her at that time.  And before that last battle, he’d _known_ she loved him.  Believed it beyond any doubt.  Reveled in it even.  He’d made certain that she knew where he stood at the time as well.  
  
The last of the glass now empty, Kaidan set it aside and took the diary in both hands.  Holding it in his left, he ran the fingertips of his right over the cover, the connection a poor substitute for having her in his arms, yet it was all that he had.  Sighing heavily, he flipped the cover open once more, eyes falling to the quote again.  “The past will always be yours,” he murmured softly, his index finger running over the words.  This was her past, another link for them to be together.  Decision made at last, he sat back and opened to the first entry.  
  
The first few pages established more than just her usual, concise organizational techniques, he noted.  Beginning the day she had received the book, he lightly traced the writing on the page with his fingertips.  It should surprise him, he mused, that someone with such a strong and tough warrior demeanor as Shepard constantly exhibited could display a much softer and more graceful side simply through the lost art of handwriting, particularly in this day and age.  How she had ended up with such an elegant hand was either sheer luck, or a teacher with a lot of patience in her youth.  Perhaps, both.  
  
Kaidan skimmed through the first several pages, observing her reaction to the days following her successful completion of N7 training and receiving her first orders.  In each of the mission descriptions, he found abbreviated anecdotes of events, quotes from people whose names he did not recognize but clearly meant something to her, and assorted notes regarding ideas for successful leadership.  While occasionally displaying her own opinions of things, for the most part, they were simply a written record of actions that had occurred.  After a time, though, he began to notice a change, beginning roughly around the time she joined Anderson aboard the _Normandy_ as his XO.  Shortly after this, he found an entry dated around the time of his own arrival.  Her take on those events had him chuckling a bit as he continued to read.  Clearly, he had not made nearly as much of an impression on her as she had on him at the time.     
  
From that point forward, he found himself reliving events from her perspective as she related the series of events beginning at Eden Prime: Her thoughts on Nihlus, the Council Spectre sent to observe her and decide if she was worthy of becoming the first human Spectre; of Matriarch Benezia and the Rachni queen on Noveria; of the Thorian and the Geth on Feros; of facing down Saren on Virmire.    
  
Kaidan sat forward at this point, his finger hesitating over one particular entry as he read.  
  
 _Today was one of those rare days when I found myself wondering if it would not have simply been better for me to have died on Mindoir with my family, or even during the attack on Akuze, which, I suppose, is an indication of just how bad things went for us on Virmire.  Due to ‘circumstances beyond my control,’ I was forced into a situation that no one in a position of command ever wants to face, nor should they have to, really, in my opinion.  And yet, it’s one that inevitably occurs: Today, I had to make the tough call._  
  
 _I understand all too well that it’s the fluidity of the battlefield that ultimately causes these situations, but today …  When did it start to go wrong?  When was the point where I could have made the call that would have kept this from ever happening in the first place?  I never saw it!  Was I blind?  Did I miss it somehow?  Was it just not there?  In the end, I could save one person or the other, but not both.  So help me God, no matter how long I live, or how many years I am in command, I will never learn to accept the loss of someone serving under me.  Never!  The day that I do is the day that I will take my own life, I swear this.  There is no excuse that it should have to be this way!_  
  
 _Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams.  Soldier.  Friend.  With no hesitation or regrets, she gave her life so that we all could live to continue the fight against Saren, against the Reapers.  None of us will forget her sacrifice._  
  
 _After we left Virmire, I spoke with Kaidan.  He took Ashley’s death hard; confusion or guilt, maybe both, playing it’s part in his understanding of the choice I made, I suspect.  I hope he realizes it was not a decision I made lightly or without considerable difficulty.  I understand his position well enough, though, having been there myself over the years.  No one likes being the survivor in such a situation.  Survivor’s guilt is one of the worst feelings in the galaxy.  I did what I could to help him understand that it was not his fault that he survived and Ashley didn’t.  That the only one to blame in all this was Saren.  I can only hope that he believed what I told him, or at least found some solace in it.  I meant every word of what I told him, too, as selfish as it might sound.  The bomb was more important to get into place, the objective had to be completed.  Had Kaidan and Ashley’s roles been reversed, and Ash been the one setting the bomb, Kaidan would be the one I would be mourning right now._  
  
 _Sadly, I have a sinking feeling that before this confrontation with Sovereign is finally over, I will be mourning many more comrades-in-arms._  
  
Kaidan felt a tightening in his chest as he thought of Ashley.  Closing his eyes, he thought back.  It had been … what?  Three years since that day?  Shepard had been right where he was concerned at least: it had taken him a long while to move past what had happened, how it had gone down.  Despite his talk with Shepard that day, he had felt the guilt for a long time after.  However, with time and distance, and her support, he had finally been able to put it into perspective.  Or so he had thought.  When faced with Shepard’s death some months later, after all that they had been through and their relationship becoming more than just friends, losing her and the _Normandy_ had been downright devastating.  Though he had felt no blame or guilt in connection with Shepard’s death, he _had_ felt regret.  So many things between them had been left unsaid or undone.    
  
Glancing down at the pages before him, Kaidan began reading again.  He smiled as she described her growing confusion concerning her feelings for him, glad to see that despite their initial meeting he had come to mean as much to her, apparently, as she had to him.  It was somewhat humbling to realize this, particularly after events that followed.  The next entry that grabbed his attention, however, was dated well over two years later, a gap that was caused by the destruction of the _Normandy_ by the Collectors and the loss of its commanding officer.    
  
 _Today I found the crash site of the Normandy.  So many were lost that day, but they will never be forgotten.  It’s been over two years and I still remember that day like it was yesterday ...._  
  
 _Two years.  Why is that still so difficult to grasp?  Miranda told me that Cerberus took two years to put me back together.  I have to admit it’s hard for me to believe that they could do that, let alone would - except that I am sitting here, all these months later, writing this.  My hand is moving across the page, the ink is forming words, my thoughts are being transformed onto the page before me.  And it wasn’t just me being rebuilt either.  The Normandy has returned, bigger and better than ever.  I’ve no doubt that these ‘gifts’ come at a cost, though, and were not made out of the goodness of the Illusive Man’s heart.  What he ultimately has in mind for me, I have no clue, but instinct is screaming at me that I should be on guard.  Instinct is what has kept me alive for so long before, so I will take that to heart._  
  
 _I was delighted to find some of the new Normandy’s crew members are people whom I know and can trust, so I’m not quite so alone as I had thought I might be.  Joker, of course, has his own unique view on the situation.  What I would do without him around, I don’t know.  And then there’s Dr. Chakwas.  Now there was a sight for sore eyes when I visited the medical bay that first day on board.  We spent a while catching up, and she related what had happened to most of the crew after the loss of the SSV Normandy.  Between her and Joker, I think I’ve accounted for everyone.  There are faces I would dearly love to see right now, to have my old team back together once more, working side by side, but I know that will not be.  I only hope that at some point I can reconnect with them, let them know that I am alive and … well enough, I suppose._  
  
Kaidan sighed.  So, she had thought of the _Normandy_ and her crew back then.  Guilt twinged just a bit, though he pushed it away.  He and Shepard had moved beyond that now.  There was no reason to look back or dwell on it.  He skimmed over other entries including a reunion with Garrus, another with Tali; of finding others such as Zaeed, Thane, Samara, Mordin, Grunt and Jack; and of dealing with Jacob and Miranda.  Kaidan felt a sorrowful smile pull at his lips.  He’d met Jacob and Miranda, both former Cerberus agents by then thankfully, and the asari Justicar, Samara.  He’d heard stories of Jack and Zaeed, as well as Mordin and Grunt.  Thane he had met under an entirely different set of circumstances.  He thought that if not quite friends, they had at least been on a mutually respectful standing by the time of the drell’s death.  Kaidan found it interesting how the love of one woman could bring the two of them together in such a way.    
  
He paused briefly before the reading the next entry.  Glancing at the date, he realized it would be their reunion on Horizon.  He had told her, many months later, that if they forgave it, they would move beyond it.  For himself, it had worked.  Up until now, he could only wonder at how well she had handled it both at the time it happened and then later.  Mentally preparing himself, Kaidan began reading.  
  
 _Of all the people I might have run into today on Horizon, the one I least expected to see was the one who found me.  Kaidan.  Fate saw fit to throw us together once more.  To hear the sound of his voice, to see his achingly familiar face after so long - I began to hope …  But then, I suppose I should have expected him to be upset.  It was unrealistic to think that he wouldn’t be, really.  And truth be told, he had every right to be.  I should have reached out sooner, tried to contact him and the others._  
  
 _But when could I have done so?  Since Miranda woke me, so much has happened so quickly.  How do you talk to people you were once so close to and say, “Oh, by the way … I’m not dead”?  Especially to someone you care so much about?  Love, even.  I loved him before, still love him now, though I know I hurt him badly.  And while I can’t blame him one bit for his reaction … that doesn’t make it hurt any less for me.  He’s moved on, or so he says.  Between that and the bitter anger I heard in his voice in regards to my current association with Cerberus, even though it’s exclusively to examine the threat by the Collectors, I suppose I have my answer to the question about any future with him: none.  I suppose it’s just as well.  But how long will it take to learn to let him and the pain go?  Will that hollow ache and emptiness always be there?_  
  
Kaidan nearly cringed.  He recalled Horizon with clarity, how he’d shut her down so harshly.  Shock, surprise, disbelief that it could be her.  But it had been and for the briefest of moments he’d begun to hope … only to find out that she was working for Cerberus.  After all they had been through together, to find her working for them had been the harshest blow, and he’d reacted on instinct by allowing his pain, anger and confusion free rein.  Months later, and quite rightly, he’d accepted the blame on that and apologized to her.  He was just thankful that despite what had happened she’d been willing to forgive him and try again.  
  
Finding entries referring to her efforts to assist her companions with personal issues, including the drell, Thane Krios, Kaidan read on.  This was almost as difficult for him to read as Shepard’s take on their reunion at Horizon, but read it he did, wanting to understand her better.  Somehow, the drell had reached out and touched Shepard in a way that Kaidan had not been capable of at the time of Horizon.  It was not difficult for him to identify her growing feelings for the man, of his love and respect for her in return, and there was pain to be found there in the recognition, but Kaidan forced himself to continue reading.  He found himself comparing Shepard’s insights to his own of the man that Kaidan had met and befriended at Huerta Memorial Hospital.  All these many months later, Kaidan still felt as if he came out lacking, which he supposed was something he would always have to deal with given how those events had played out.  
  
 _Thane has started calling me ‘siha,’ a reference to the warrior-angels of one of the drell goddesses, he tells me.  I must admit, to hear him describe it - well, it gives me a certain strength and courage I’ve not felt for a very, very long time.  Maybe ever.  His faith in me is something I wish I could share with the others, to impart that same strength to them.  It’s a powerful and heady feeling.  And yet … I know I love him.  I can’t help it, not when he is so open and forthcoming with me.  He accepts me for who I am, he believes in who I will become.  He seems to understand my purpose, even when I am lost trying to do so.  He says he will remain beside me for as long as he is able, which is all I could ask for, really.  Kepral’s Syndrome, from what I understand, is not one of the more forgiving of diseases._  
  
 _I am so confused right now, though!  The love I have for Kaidan is so different than what I feel for Thane, yet both can exist at the same time?  How can this be?  I will admit, I have been very fortunate to have two such men in my life when I needed them most.  And while I don’t think I will ever completely lose what I feel for Kaidan, I can feel it … diminishing, maybe?  Mellowing?  Finding its own place to remain as my feelings for Thane grow._  
  
Several entries later, Kaidan found another reference.  
  
 _I had a message from Kaidan shortly after seeing him on Horizon, but I dreaded opening it after the way we parted.  I suppose it was cowardly of me, but I wanted to remember our time together as it had been, not tarnished by more harsh words and accusations.  If that makes me a coward, so be it.  But today, as we prepare to take on the Collectors, I could no longer avoid it ... and as a result, I’m not quite certain how to take it.  I thought … Well to be honest, I don’t know what I thought after Horizon.  I guess I believed we were done.  He was so harsh, so angry.  I guess I thought that he would never forgive me, that he had indeed moved on like he had said.  Is that why I was able to move on as I have?  But now, to find out that Kaidan does still care … Could I have read him so wrong on Horizon?  Did I misunderstand what he was saying to me at the time?_  
  
 _I don’t know what to think.  But then, there isn’t much I can do about it anyway.  Not at this point.  I believe Kaidan understands that.  I do wish I could speak with him, though.  To hear his voice again, to share my thoughts on plans and tactics before a mission like we used to before heading out.  But I suppose to do so would just get his hopes up again, and especially given the danger of our current assignmnent and on whose behalf I am leading it, that wouldn’t be fair to either of us._  
  
 _We are ready to head to the Omega 4 Relay.  We can’t wait any longer, not when the lives of the Normandy’s crew are at stake.  According to EDI the Reaper IFF is ready to go.  God knows what we will find on the other side … or if we will even survive the trip.  But, I have faith that our journey will lead us home once more._  
  
Again, Kaidan found that a part of him wanted to close the book there, to put it back where it had been and to somehow forget what he had read to this point.  At the time he’d written her the message after Horizon, and knowing her as he had, he had realized that she would be planning to try something, _do_ something.  It was her nature to take the fight to where it would do the most damage.  The Collectors had been a serious threat, one that needed to be dealt with before more colonies were lost.  And Shepard was not one to back away from a challenge.  The fact that her own crew had been abducted would have been the final deciding factor.  
  
Rising to his feet, Kaidan returned to the bed and crawled beneath the sheets, propping up the pillows behind him.  Unconsciously deciding that he was committed to reading this through, he settled in to make himself more comfortable as he did so.  Returning to the book, he continued forward in time.  Where he’d expected some sort of detailed information regarding the Collector base attack, however, he did not find it.  He found some brief descriptions of events, a list of names that he suspected might have been losses during the mission, half sentences and fragments that really made no sense to him and, he supposed, could have been some sort of shorthand or code.  Had he not warned her to be careful around Cerberus?  As he recalled, she had broken with Cerberus and the Illusive Man right after destroying the base and returning through the Omega 4 relay.  It had taken some months, though, before she and the ship re-appeared, surrendering herself over to the Alliance after following up on a few additional missions along the way, not the least of which included the destruction of the mass relay in the Bahak system and the destruction of a colonized asteroid.  Hindsight being what it was, though, he knew he should have recognized her return for what it had been.  Instead, he’d focused on what he saw as a betrayal, her collaboration with Cerberus.  
  
 _Though I expected it would come to something like this - Hackett certainly gave me fair warning after the Bahak incident - being grounded is more than a little frustrating.  It would seem that all of my efforts over the past couple of years were for naught as no one is listening or preparing.  Though under the guise of being for my own protection from the batarians, being restricted to the detention center and ‘relieved of duty’ has simply erased me from sight and mind of the Alliance, it would seem.  No saluting.  No rank to identify me.  Not even access to Alliance information so that I can continue looking for evidence into the Reaper situation.  I have essentially become a stain - an embarrassment to be locked away until such time as someone sees fit to either release me from my duties completely or pull me back into things.  At this point, I’m not certain which I would prefer!  After years of being deployed out in the field, it is hard to get used to soft beds and hot food.  Something about it just seems … wrong._  
  
Kaidan could not hold back a chuckle at that.  It was something they all had joked about over the years, certainly during their time on the _Normandy_ together.  ‘Soft beds and hot food are for civilians!’  On the other hand, there was another old saying that went something along the lines of, ‘once a marine, always a marine.’  He read forward some more then, noting with interest her comments about Vega serving as her sort of watchdog while on restricted duty.  When Kaidan finally caught up with their next reunion, he found himself almost hesitating again.    
  
 _The attack we all feared and dreaded finally arrived.  So much that could have been done ahead of time - SHOULD have been done - has not and we were woefully unprepared for the event.  But then again, the things I saw today … how could anyone truly prepare for something like this?  By some miracle, Anderson and I were able to escape from HQ and make it to the Normandy.  But once there, he sent me off, reinstating my command and sending me on a mission to the Citadel to get the Council to assist us.  And while I awaited this day for so long, the thought of leaving Earth behind in its time of need is repulsive.  However, as Anderson was quick to remind me, I have my orders.  Sadly, though, I do not foresee assistance being obtained quite as easily as he might wish or hope.  Instead, he will remain behind to lead resistance against the Reapers.  God watch over them all.  They will need it._  
  
 _We received a message en route to the Citadel from Admiral Hackett who had us land at the Prothean archives on Mars.  Apparently, he and Liara have been working together searching through the archives for something - ANYthing - to help in our cause while I was incarcerated.  At least someone was thinking forward!  Thank goodness he sent us there.  On arrival, we found Cerberus attacking the facility, their operatives after the same data we were wanting.  In the end, we wound up with most of what we needed, or so Liara told me (I have to trust her on this as she is the expert in this field), but it came at a very steep price._  
  
 _Kaidan, who managed to escape Earth with us on board the Normandy, was severely injured.  To be truthful, as I write this sitting here beside him in the med bay, I am fearful that he will not last long enough for us to reach the medical services available at the Citadel.  Liara has done what she can for him, but without a doctor on board, our capabilities are limited.  I can only hope that we get to the Citadel in time.  The thought of losing him again …  No.  No, I won’t go that route.  Not unless I am forced to, and even then I might not be able …._  
  
Kaidan read Shepard’s interpretation of the data that Liara had briefed her on, the plans for the Crucible that had been sent on to Admiral Hackett for construction.  It had been a monstrous undertaking, but they had done it.  With supplies, specialists and hope, they had built the thing that had, ultimately, thrown the _Normandy_ off course while in the relay, landing them here.    
  
He continued on, reading of her efforts to broker an agreement between turians and krogan (what fun THAT must have been, he mused, recalling messages they had exchanged on this topic), of finding a cure for the krogan genophage, and of plenty of other, smaller missions that, though they seemed useless or inconsequential, he knew to be just as important as the larger ones.  Kaidan smiled at Shepard’s dislike of political brokering, but had to admire her ability to get the job done.  She claimed she was ‘only a marine’, but she had managed what seemed like miracles at the time in a manner and with such leadership skills that made it appear all too easy a task to accomplish.  
  
 _We arrived at the Citadel for a meeting with Councilor Valern who had concerns regarding Udina and his loyalty only to find Cerberus attempting to take control and destroy the Council.  So much happened, it’s hard to decide how to summarize it.  Ultimately, Udina was the Cerberus connection to the attempt, though I’m certain I will never understand his reasons.  It’s hard to determine the when, why and how when your suspect is dead._  
  
 _What I do know is that I hope to God I never have to draw my weapon on someone I love ever again.  The panic I felt in that moment … Well, I can only hope Kaidan never saw it.  I would prefer to come across as hard, cold and calculating than for him to know that I was deeply terrified.  But he listened, thank goodness, and I did not have to face the repercussions of that particular fear.  Maybe having Liara and Garrus with me helped, I don’t know.  Familiar faces, remembered missions, trusted friends perhaps?  Later Garrus asked me if I would have been able to do it, to eliminate Kaidan if he’d refused to listen to reason.  I had to be honest with him, as honest as he always has been with me.  If we use ‘war’ as an excuse to kill even our friends, we are lowering ourselves to murder.  Plain and simple.  End of story.  But Garrus was right - it doesn’t make it any easier to do the job._  
  
 _And … Thane.  He gave of himself willingly, unflinchingly to protect Councilor Valern; and now my lovely drell has gone across the sea.  I fear that one day all too soon I will be meeting him there, though I will admit to being greatly conflicted in this regard.  For as much as I love Thane - his love completes me in ways that I never expected and I hope I was able to return in some comparable measure for him - I now know that the love I have for Kaidan never left.  Funny how looking down the sight of a weapon at someone you love can cut through all the haze and help you see the truth to things._  
  
 _Is it wrong that I say that now?  With Thane so recently taken from me?  I do mourn him.  Kaidan knows this.  Hell, he found me at my lowest and weakest point today … and, as he reminded me, on or off the battlefield he had my back.  Is it any wonder that I still have feelings for him?  If I take time to examine what I feel, I can only describe it as so much more than what it used to be, and the need to be here with him now is stronger than ever …  Thane, I wish I still had your guidance and wisdom in such matters.  You always could see them so much more clearly than I …._  
  
 _But then again, I suppose, time and circumstances are against us and honestly, I have no idea how Kaidan even feels anymore.  He told me back in the hospital that he still cares, but we haven’t had time or opportunity to discuss it in any detail.  On the other hand, he has decided to join the crew of the Normandy now, to which I must admit no small delight at the prospect.  This will give us some time, at least, to be around each other once more, to decide where things should go between us, or even if they should.  If nothing ever develops out of this, at least I have him beside me once again in battle.  He is a hell of a soldier and I can’t imagine completing this journey without him.  As for the rest, I will tell him what I feel, I think.  Sooner rather than later, if I can work my nerve up.  I do not want any further misunderstandings between us.  We lost too much time after Horizon.  Whether we have weeks or months or years together, I want him to know._  
  
Kaidan sighed.  They had finally found a way to communicate over time, he remembered, openly admitting their feelings for one another, yet it had taken longer to get to that point than either of them, it seemed, would have liked.  But once they had, their relationship had taken on a new dimension.  It had almost been frightening, he recalled.  So much had been at stake at the time, intense pressure to find anyone and everyone who could possibly assist in the war, and to not know if it had been enough.  He’d willingly told her of his feelings, truthfully unable to hide it any longer, but he had kept a small portion of himself aside, hidden.  Shepard had been dealing with so much at the time, he hadn’t wanted her to worry about him, hadn’t wanted to distract her from her duty.    
  
 _So much is at stake now, and I can see that we’re nearing the end.  Soon it will be time to face the Reapers and let destiny decide the final outcome.  Kaidan came by this evening, ‘for five minutes’ he said, though I knew as he walked in that he wouldn’t be leaving right away, which is not entirely a bad thing.  He has changed so much from when we first met, hiding his own frustrations and concerns and quick to reassure me that we’ve done all that we can to prepare.  I wonder if he realizes how much I’ve come to depend on that, on HIM in times like this?  He says I’ve built hope for everyone by the things I have done, and yet I often feel afraid.  Have I done enough?  Can we win this or am I leading everyone to their deaths?  Will this be Akuze all over again, only on a much grander scale?_  
  
 _Hope.  Hope is a very powerful thing, I guess.  Not only have I built alliances, but so many who would not have had faith before have joined our cause simply because they say that I have made them BELIEVE that we can win.  I’m still not quite certain how that is possible, but who am I to argue with what they believe?  We have a krogan-turian alliance that grows stronger with each battle.  The salarians, the asari, the quarians and the geth have joined.  Volus, elcor, rachni, some of the blood-thirstiest mercenaries from the Terminus system, former Cerberus - hell, I even managed to convince some of the surviving batarians to join our cause!  If our combined efforts cannot take down the Reaper threat, then maybe we should be doomed to failure this cycle._  
  
 _But before we can face the Reapers, we have some unfinished business to take care of.  The Illusive Man must be dealt with for all of his interference along the way, and I am hopeful he still has the information on the Catalyst that Kai Leng stole from us at Thessia.  We must know how to use the Crucible in order to proceed.  Humanity, and all other species in the galaxy, deserve the chance to live in peace once more.  Cerberus, the Illusive Man in particular, seems bent on destroying that, but not for long.  Not if I can help it._  
  
Kaidan recalled that night before the attack upon the Illusive Man’s headquarters.  The cracks in Shepard’s self-confidence had shown more clearly that night than ever before, though he had been the only one to see them at the time.  From her account, however, he’d been able to give her the support she had needed.  That alone was humbling, and a testament to how far their relationship had developed over the years.  Despite trials and tribulations, they had found their way together.  
  
The attack on the Illusive Man’s base had almost thrown her again, he recalled.  When EDI had suggested Shepard view some surviving vids regarding the Lazarus Project, he’d first not understood.  Not until all three of them had heard just how severe the damage initial damage to Shepard had been.  Both he and she had been moved by the term “clinically dead,” though when she began doubting herself, that she was who she was supposed to be, he’d been quick to reassure her that she was indeed Commander Shepard and certainly real enough for him.    
  
 _In a few hours, we will land on Earth and take the battle to the Reapers at last.  The Catalyst, according to the information found at the Illusive Man’s base, is the Citadel, of all things.  Unfortunately, the Illusive Man has once again beat us to the punch, and in the process has alerted the Reapers to our plan.  What already was a dangerous plan to start with has now multiplied into something almost unfathomable.  I still hope and pray that our losses will be kept to a minimum, but the realist in me knows I will be seeing the names of many a friend added to our memorial wall when all is said and done._  
  
 _This is it - everything is in place, we are committed to the cause.  I have been more than fortunate in the people who have helped me along the way.  I will never forget them, nor their dedication to our ultimate goal.  I hope and pray that somewhere, somehow, Ash is watching down over us, guiding our efforts.  That Thane and Legion are alongside her, assisting.  That Mordin, God love his singing salarian soul, will be with us in spirit otherwise someone else might ‘get it wrong.’  I have faith in my friends, in our plan, in our troops, though I know many will not return.  I can do nothing but lead them to their destinies.  God willing, we will all return here afterwards, crack open bottles of whatever beverage we can find, and drink ourselves silly offering toasts to the fallen._  
  
Kaidan noted that there were a few blank lines beneath this, almost as if this had been Shepard’s final entry, but in the lower corner of the page, he found an arrow pointing to the next.  Curious, he turned it and found one last entry, directed specifically at him.  His breath catching, he read:  
  
 _Kaidan -_  
  
 _My dearest love and best friend.  If you find this journal, I have no doubt that you will begin reading through my thoughts over the past few years.  I sincerely hope that you do, at any rate.  In these pages I have tried to express my innermost thoughts, truths and beliefs as I knew them to be at the time they were written.  The good times, the hard times and everything in between.  I entrust them to you for safekeeping, my heart; you are the one person who knows me best and with whom I would trust my soul for all eternity.  Know that I will do my damnedest to find my way back to you after this battle, Kaidan.  I want a future with you, with us together.  We can travel the universe side by side as Council Spectres, righting the wrongs and generally upholding all that we have come to find over these past few years is dear.  It certainly sounds a damn sight easier than defeating the Reapers, don’t you think?_  
  
 _Kaidan, should the worst happen, I want you to know that I will always love you.  You have become such a part of me that I cannot imagine us not being together in some way.  Know that I will always be with you, watching over you, holding you close.  One way or another, we will be together.  As Anderson reminded me not too long ago, I’ve already died once.  Fate had its chance and failed to take it.  You, my love, had a very close call too.  We have both paid our dues and I believe that means we will be allowed the chance to live in the peace we have helped to create.  At least, that is my hope, one that will help guide me through this._  
  
 _Until we are together once more, know that I love you.  As you told me: Until the end of time._  
  
 _Shepard_  
  
Kaidan reverently closed the book and set it aside, heels of his hands rubbing away tears he refused to allow to fall.  They had come so far together.  So damned far.  With one last, lingering view of the journal, Kaidan settled back in to try and sleep.  God willing, they would be together again, and soon.  


	8. Hunting High and Low

  
  
  
_“Shepard.”_  
  
 _“Hmmmm?”_  
  
 _“Don’t you be falling asleep on me.”_  
  
 _Shepard murmured incoherently, even to her own ears, her face burrowing into the softness of the pillow as she tried to avoid a more indepth reaction to the request.  She was tired, after all._  
  
 _“What was that?  I didn’t quite catch -”_  
  
 _“I said, I’ve no doubt that you have other ways in which you can wake me!” she grumbled a bit more loudly and grumpily in his direction over her shoulder.  She was rewarded by the feel of his weight, his strength, as it moved against her back while he leaned in close enough to nuzzle the base of her neck.  She moaned again, this time in appreciation.  If there was anything that Kaidan knew it was how to make her senses feel alive and alert, especially when all she wanted to do was sleep._  
  
 _“No doubts about that at all,” he assured her softly near her ear a moment later.  The rumble of his voice, the warmth of his breath, the scent that she knew unequivocally to be his - all tantalized her senses into a full state of awareness._  
  
 _She could feel the smile on his lips as they pressed close in to the side of her neck, casually nipping and sliding down to the juncture with her shoulder.  Dammit!  “K-Kaidan!” she managed to gasp at last, but just barely, her senses heightening quickly._  
  
 _But just as suddenly as he began, Shepard felt him roll off of her.  He did not go far, his hands lowering to her hips, tugging gently there.  “Roll onto your back,” he encouraged.  Grumbling softly in protest, Shepard ignored the request.  She was quite content as she was._  
  
 _“Shepard ….”  His voice was hazy now, his touch not so solid, but she heard the teasing in his tone all the same.  “You’ll squash the baby ….”_  
  
A sharp gasp pierced the silence of the room as her eyes flew open.  The problem became noticeable immediately - she was lying on her stomach, and the resulting pressure was not helping the ache in her lower back or the pressure against her bladder.  With a reluctant sigh and a groan of dismay that the dream had been simply that - a figment of her imagination - Shepard shifted her arms beneath her for better leverage and proceeded to rise from the bed.  A glance at the clock told her it was too late to go back to sleep, yet early enough to get a start on her day.  Another sigh and she finally rose.  First things first.  
  
Necessities finally removed from the equation, Shepard padded back through her bedroom a short time later, pausing only long enough to pull a robe from the closet, before heading towards the main part of the flat.  Cinching the belt at her waist, habit had her scanning the room for anything out of the ordinary, though she knew it to be safe.  It wasn’t a bad place, she supposed, and certainly larger than her cabin aboard the _Normandy._  However, it was more evidence that she was definitely land-based now, something that still rankled just a bit with her.  She was a marine, a soldier.  Duty dictated that she be out where she was needed.  But according to Admiral Hackett that need had her grounded for the immediate and foreseeable future.    
  
“At least it’s not the hospital wing,” she murmured quietly as she turned towards the kitchen.  How she had managed to get released from there and quartered in this building was beyond her, though she suspected that Admiral Hackett, or maybe even Shannon, had been responsible.  Had they sensed her growing restlessness?  The frustration at having to remain under constant view of the medical staff?  Thankfully, and timing being everything, one of the first buildings to complete the reconstruction process after the defeat of the Reapers had been the Systems Alliance headquarters, followed quickly by several housing units for its commanding officers.  That Admiral Hackett had promoted her was one thing, but Shepard knew well enough that _this_ honor probably had more to do with what she had done during the Reaper War than anything else.  She had not risen in rank all that much, after all.  
  
A short while later, breakfast made and eaten, dishes now cleared, Shepard suddenly found herself with time on her hands and looming uncertainly before her.  It was Friday, and under normal circumstances she would have dressed and headed across the bay to headquarters.  But that had been before Dr. Michel had cornered her the day before, with Admiral Hackett in tow no less, and insisted that Shepard ease back on her work schedule.  Arguing that Shepard was working too many hours, allowing herself to become too stressed in the hours that she did work, and all the while threatening to have Shepard’s living quarters returned to the hospital wing, the admiral had, with no small delight Shepard had noted, provided her with new written orders not a half hour later specifying that she would now be expected at work on certain days of the week and that if she exceeded the maximum time allowed at the office, as specified by Dr. Michel, he would not hesitate to carry through with the good doctor’s threat.    
  
Which now left Shepard in quite a dilemma: what was she to do with herself now?  She had an extra long weekend stretching out before her, duties not to be resumed for five days, and then her even more restricted work schedule would begin.  The hours that lay between now and when she could return seemed to be taunting her, and nothing specific came to mind with how to spend it.  At varying points over the past few years, she might not have argued with this command, might even have agreed with it, but the simple fact was that now that she was being _forced_ to take time off, alone, and she had no idea how to fill the time.    
  
Pondering her options, Shepard prowled around the apartment, fidgeting just a bit, feeling panic rising even more.  That gave her pause, and she tried to determine just why she was feeling so out of sorts … until she realized that the jittery, skittish sensations she was feeling in the pit of her stomach were not actually nerves from the thought of having time off and alone, but rather movement from the child she was carrying inside of her.    
  
Freezing all motion, Shepard glanced down, her waistline only the slightest bit extended more than normal, sudden fear and nerves now taking over as she stood in the center of the apartment.  Suddenly, it had become real for her in a way that it had not been before this point, and in that moment of recognition and acceptance also came an urgency she’d not felt in a long time.  For the first time in almost twenty years, she felt an almost desperate need for her mother’s presence in her life.  Or her grandmother.  Hell, she’d take her father and her sister, if allowed, and run with that if she could, but she knew none of it was to be.  And because of that, she felt the first pricklings of panic reaching out and trying to take hold.  
  
Hands rising to cover her face, she attempted to find some sort of calm and solace in the ways that Liara had tried to show her over the years through thoughts and meditations.  Thane had expanded upon those lessons during Liara’s absence, and Shepard had made some progress.  Not normally a meditative sort of person, the fact that she could stop and think and actually attempt to do this was an indication of the success she’d had, she supposed.  A warmth in her chest began then, memories of her former lover returning for a moment.  Despite the power and strength of what she felt for Kaidan, there would always be a place in her heart for Thane.  And Kaidan, God love him, had finally begun to understand this in those last weeks and months before the assault in London.  Whatever jealousy there might have been, even after Thane’s sacrifice to save the salarian councillor, had gone.  He had understood.  
  
Shepard’s hand lowered to rest over the child for a moment, ignoring the tears that rolled down her cheeks.  She’d loved them both, for very different reasons, and both would always hold a special place within her.  The child, though unexpected, would give her a chance to continue to have connection with at least one of them, though she suspected that influences from them both would become apparent in the way that she raised the baby.  
  
 _“Just don’t let him become an assassin ….”_  
  
Shepard gave a strangled laugh as she ‘heard’ Kaidan’s voice interrupt her thoughts.  Usually what she would hear were memories, though this she could quite easily imagine him teasing her about.  Wiping tears away, Shepard turned slowly around the room once more.  She needed to _do_ something.  Go _some_ where.  Keep busy, talk to people, a distraction of some kind ….  Shepard stopped suddenly, turning sharply after a moment and heading towards her room as the idea began to take form.  A few moments at her closet had a bag packed in short order and civilian clothing out to wear.  A quick message to Shannon at the office alerted her assistant that she was going to be out of town for a few days, but that she would be reachable.    
  
The hunt for the information, however, took nearly twice as long as the packing.  She had a vague idea where she had put the data pad, but it still took her several extra minutes to sort through the piles of messages and greetings and other assorted clutter on her desk before she had it in her hand.  Once this was accomplished, she was out the door, thoughts looking forward for the first time that day.  
  
Shepard made her way the few blocks to the outbound shuttle station, locating and then paying for passage to the BC interior.  Kaidan had once told her that his father’s family held land out there, that his mother had hidden out at their orchard during the Reaper invasion.  One of the first things Shepard had done upon returning to work was to have Shannon locate information on Kaidan’s mother for her, including her exact location.  The intention had been that once work settled into a routine, Shepard would go out, visit with her and let her know what she knew about Kaidan, his whereabouts and so on.  However, once Shepard had been given the information, she had set it aside, suddenly plagued with worries about how to approach the woman.    
  
Until today.    
  
Once the shuttle was moving, Shepard pulled out the dossier on Kaidan’s mother and began reading.    
  
 _Katryn Alenko_  
  
 _Age: 58_  
  
 _Marital status: widow (husband rejoined Alliance, MIA during Reaper conflict, presumed dead)_  
  
 _Current residence: BC interior, northwest of Merritt_  
  
 _Other:  Lives alone at Alenko family orchard, day laborers assisting during season; Refuses to leave orchard and return to Vancouver since death of husband during Reaper war.  Views anyone on land without permission to be trespassers and will be dealt with.  Feisty and quite capable of defending herself. **_  
  
 _**Major Shepard - Mrs. Alenko pulled a gun on the Alliance officer sent out to verify this information.  No harm done to either party.  SBD_  
  
With a small smirk at the added comment from Shannon, Shepard tucked it away into her bag.  This was going to be a longshot, she knew, but it was currently the only valid option that she had.  Besides all that, Shepard owed it to Kaidan, to check up on and meet his mother, though what exactly she would say to the woman regarding her son’s current location and status she had no idea.   _One thing at a time,_ she reminded herself.  
  
It was mid-afternoon when Shepard finally approached the orchard.  Walking down the road that appeared to lead to the main house, she took a good look around at her surroundings.  Unlike the city, it appeared that the level of destruction caused by the Reapers had either not touched this area, or had been very minimal.  She recalled that it had taken some time before the Reapers had started spreading out across country, their initial focus having been on the larger population centers.  But with the war now four months past, there were signs of life and growth from the grass to flowers to even the birds singing in the trees.  The trees themselves looked healthy enough, Shepard noticed, though perhaps not quite as advanced for the season as they should be.   
  
That observation gave Shepard pause for thought as she climbed the steps to the door of the home and rang the bell.  It was nice to know that some of the basic agricultural lessons her father had taught her so many years before had held this long.  What had been the old saying?   _You can take the girl off of the farm, but she’ll always be a farmer’s daughter?_  
  
“May I help you?”  
  
The voice when she heard it was almost what Shepard had envisioned for Katryn Alenko.  Turning slowly to face the woman who had walked up from around the corner of the building, Shepard felt her breath catch at the sight before her.  Kaidan apparently took after his mother in looks, from skin tone to the dark wavy hair and chocolate brown eyes.  Though Shepard suspected that the father’s influence had been in bone structure, she had absolutely no doubts that the woman standing before her now was indeed Kaidan’s mother.  And in that discovery, she found reassurance.  Offering a small smile, Shepard apologized, “Mrs. Alenko?  I’m sorry to intrude upon you without any warning, but my name is -”  
  
“Oh my!”  Katryn gasped as she stepped closer, her hands tossing aside a rag that she’d been cleaning them off with.  “You … you’re _her_!”  
  
Shepard blinked in confusion for a moment.  She had been _very_ careful before leaving Vancouver to dress in civilian attire and wear her hair down in a different style than usual so as not to alarm or frighten the woman.  As long as Hackett continued to hold out hope, Shepard would try to do the same.  However, to be told in such a fashion and adamant tone that she was known by someone she had never met in person … well, Shepard felt the hackles on the back of her neck prickle just a bit.  “I’m sorry …?”  
  
Chuckling, Katryn gestured to two nearby chairs.  “Please,” she announced as she led the way over, “let’s sit, and I will start again.”  
  
While Shepard had no doubts that this was Kaidan’s mother, instinct and events of the past three years had her guard remaining up and on alert as she moved to take a seat.  Once settled, Katryn turned towards her.  “I apologize if I startled you, Commander, but after everything, … to find you of all people on my doorstep was a bit of a shock, I must admit.”  
  
Shepard blushed lightly.  “I should be the one apologizing,” she returned.  Gesturing vaguely towards her clothing, she continued, “I did not come out here in any official capacity and had thought to remove any sense of worry from our meeting by remaining out of uniform.  Apparently, I misjudged the situation.”  
  
Katryn smiled warmly.  “Commander -”  
  
Shepard broke in gently and corrected, “Actually, it’s major now.”  
  
Katryn’s smile widened.  “Congratulations, major, though I must admit I’m a bit surprised they did not promote you further after all you did to save the galaxy.  However, the Alliance being what it is ….”  
  
Shepard chuckled.  “Please, don’t give Admiral Hackett any more ideas,” she joked.  “He’s already removing me from the duties I prefer!” _And has other plans in the works._  
  
Katryn chuckled then and settled herself more comfortably in her chair.  “Sadly, that is the way of things when you advance in rank,” she agreed.  Shepard noticed the woman’s eyes darken just a bit and recalled Kaidan mentioning that his father had been in the Alliance, well before the war with the Reapers.  Katryn would know, probably.  However, in the blink of an eye practically, the smile was back in place as she asked, “Now then.  I will admit to a certain level of curiosity.  Why would the famous Commander Shepard,” Katryn winked at Shepard then, “you’ll have to forgive me since that is how I know of you from my son, but why would you of all people come all of the way out to the interior of British Columbia to find me?”  
  
Shepard nodded as the woman admitted that she might err and refer to her as commander, but Shepard didn’t mind.  In fact, she found a sort of comfort in hearing the title, the one she had held for three years and more.  But then she found herself hesitating over how to reply to the question.  “I … I am not here in any official capacity,” she restated slowly.  Another pause before she decided to skip over the more specific information she had regarding the _Normandy_.   _Not unless she asks_.  “My doctor has ordered me to ‘slow down’ at work and managed to convince Admiral Hackett to enforce this.”  
  
Katryn grinned.  “Am I to take it then that you are a ‘go get ‘em’ type of person?”  
  
Shepard blushed just a bit.  “I do prefer actively working to achieve whatever ends I am seeking, yes,” she agreed.  “I am a marine, after all.  But after the last three years ….”  
  
The older woman nodded sagely.  “You find it difficult to know how to cut back, to relax.  That is understandable.  Mikhail used to be the same way.”  
  
Again, Shepard noticed the weight of loss settle over Katryn.  Swallowing tightly, she asked, “Mikhail?”  
  
“My husband.  Kaidan’s father.”  Katryn offered Shepard a gentle smile that was filled with sorrow.  “I don’t know how much you know -”  
  
Shepard bit her lip.  Leaning forward a bit, she admitted quietly, “Kaidan told me that you and his father were on your way out here the day the Reapers attacked.”  
  
Katryn nodded.  “That we were.  Thankfully, we were near the end of our journey, and the Reapers had no reason to come out here … then.”  She sighed and sat back.  Eyes closing for a moment, Shepard wondered if perhaps this had been a bad idea ….  “Mikhail brought me here, made sure I was safe, contacted the neighbors and the help and made arrangements for us all to watch out for each other … and then headed right back to Vancouver to join up with the Alliance.  That was the last time I saw him.”    
  
The grip on her lip with her teeth tightened as she saw silvery tracks of tears rolling down Katryn’s cheeks.  “I’m so sorry.”  
  
Sad though it was, the smile Katryn gave her then still had a certain strength to it that Shepard had to admire.  “No need,” she replied.  Rising to her feet, she glanced around them and added, “Why don’t we head indoors?  We can make some supper and talk and get to know one another a little better.”    
  
As Shepard nodded and rose, she found Katryn had taken a step closer so that their eyes were about level.  “And you can tell me about yourself … and my son.”  Startled and caught completely off guard, Shepard’s only response was a sharp gasp, to which the woman chuckled softly and led the way inside.  “Rest easy, commander,” she assured her.  “I won’t pry into the details.  But I will admit to a certain level of curiosity after several messages that I received from my son over the past few years in which he mentioned you specifically by name.”  
  
They walked through the house towards, presumably, the kitchen and Shepard found herself scanning the area with quite a bit of interest.  Little things, big things, any things that could give her a hint to the woman, and perhaps even her deceased husband, to help her understand Kaidan better were noted.  The home was modest enough, decorated with a certain earthy charm that Shepard found delightful and slightly reminiscent to her own childhood home, and within a short time she was feeling quite at ease.  Once in the kitchen, Katryn gestured her over towards a seat on the opposite side of the workspace, which Shepard took as she watched Katryn begin preparations.  They talked about minor things during this time, nothing world shattering or startling - when sharp objects were in hand, it was best to keep things light.  Once the meal was in the oven cooking, Katryn turned toward Shepard and the woman who had brought down the Reapers suddenly felt as if she might be facing an even tougher challenge.  “So.”  Shepard swallowed.  Nothing good ever came from a discussion that began this way, right?  “Kaidan told me that you were a colony kid.”  
  
Shepard did her best to hide the wince, but as Katryn’s gaze was focused on her face, she suspected the woman saw it anyway.  “Yes,” she replied softly.  “Mindoir.”  
  
Katryn nodded sympathetically.  “I remember hearing about what happened there.”  A soft sigh and a shake of the head.  “I remember that day all too well, witnessing Mikhail and Kaidan react to the news.”  
  
For the moment, Shepard found herself distracted in a completely unexpected way.  Over the years, people had mostly focused on the fact that she had been one of the very few survivors of the batarian slavers’ attack.  It suddenly occurred to her to wonder how others who had had no direct connection to the colony had taken the news.  “Tell me, please?” she murmured.  When Katryn looked at her, Shepard offered a tentative smile.  “I’m used to being asked things like, ‘How did you survive?’ or ‘How do you feel being the only survivor?’  I must admit, until now, I’d not given much thought to how others outside the colony might have reacted to what happened there.”  
  
Nodding, Katryn took a sip of her wine.  “Well, keep in mind, too, that our reactions had the Alliance slant to it.  Mikhail was torn, I think.  Both he and Kaidan were outraged, downright furious.”  She looked over at Shepard and smiled.  “I think, had I not found them out in the orchard at the time, I might have had a wall or two to patch up inside the house when telling them.”  
  
Shepard blinked.  That was different from what she had expected.  She didn’t think she’d ever seen Kaidan give into anger like that before, at least outside the field of battle.  He’d only mentioned one other time in his past that he’d done so, but that had been long before Mindoir.  “Violent?”  
  
Katryn shook her head.  “Outraged.  Mikhail took it particularly bad, I think, because he had just been recalled from the colonies and assigned to Vancouver for the homestretch of his career.  I think he would have preferred to remain out there, on active duty rather than behind a desk.  And Kaidan ….”  
  
Shepard watched Katryn closely as she paused here.    
  
“I suspect,” Katryn finally continued, “that those events might have been in large part what gave my son some focus in his life when he needed it and eventually guided him to joining the Systems Alliance a few years later.”  
  
Shepard pondered this for a moment in silence.  “Kaidan told me about his experiences at Jump Zero,” she admitted quietly.  “I have to admit, I admire him for the way he was able to come to the Alliance after that.”  
  
Katryn smiled.  “He had to do it on his own terms, commander.  Hearing about Mindoir, knowing that, had he stayed in his training he might well have been stationed there for that attack or at least with the troops that came in after, well ….”  She chuckled.  “Hmm.  Kaidan was always as stubborn as his father.”  
  
Shepard felt a grin pulling at her lips then.  Had she not accused him of being stubborn on more than one occasion?  “So that’s where he gets it from?”  Katryn’s look had Shepard laughing aloud.  “I see.”  
  
Rising, Shepard began wandering around the small alcove connected to the kitchen.  There were several shelves along the wall here, a desk with a computer, data pads, the usual sort of clutter one might expect to find in an office space.  But there were other things, small nicknacks, and a picture of the Alenko men standing together out in the orchard.  Lifting this, Shepard stared down into the faces of Mikhail Alenko and a younger Kaidan for a long time.    
  
“I was sixteen,” she finally began, her eyes still memorizing the details of Kaidan’s face as she spoke.  She knew him to be three years or so older than her, and judging by the picture she held, it could have been from around that time.  “My family were agriculturalists on Mindoir.  Parents, grandparents … my twin sister, Kaysey.”  Shepard heard the catch in her tone, but found it not to be quite so bad as the last time she had spoken of her sister.  There was still the ache of loss, of losing a part of herself, to be sure, but the severity had lessened over time, and suddenly had Shepard wondering how and why.  But that would have to wait for now.  “The harvest had just ended, and as we did at the end of each season, we gathered in town to celebrate.”    
  
Turning slightly, she sought out Katryn.  “Any reason for a party after months of dedicating yourself to the fields, right?” she joked.    
  
“That makes perfect sense,” Katryn agreed.    
  
Swallowing, Shepard felt her eyes shut as she related the next bit.  She’d only told this part to a few other people over the years, and it was still very painful to relate.  “They attacked in the middle of the celebration.  No warning, out of the blue.  At first, no one realized what was happening … we were farmers, simple folk, not trained soldiers.  We hadn’t thought to have anyone on watch.  We’d never had to before.”  
  
Eyes opening, Shepard turned towards the nearby window that offered a view of the mountains in the distance.  “They … they planned it well, going after the younger ones first, taking as many as they could.  Killing those who were older and harder to adapt as slaves.  I was told later they killed more than they took for slaves.”  Stepping closer, Shepard leaned forward until her forehead touched the glass pane.  The coolness it offered helped keep her grounded.  A moment later, a hand on her shoulder squeezed, offering additional support.  “I was dancing with a boy from school when it started,” she whispered painfully.  “In the confusion that followed, I managed to get away from the batarians, but only after seeing him taken.  I ran for cover, thinking to find my sister, my parents, my grandparents ….  I made it to the edge of town, but when I looked back ….”  She couldn’t put words to the utter death and destruction she had seen then.  To this day, she was not certain if it had been a rocket or several grenades that had destroyed the square and the people corralled there so completely.  All she knew was that at times, she could still hear the screams ….  
  
“You did the right thing,” Katryn offered quietly.  
  
Shepard lifted a hand to wipe at the tears on her cheeks.  “I know that,” she replied, “but it doesn’t make it any easier to know that I -”  
  
“No, it doesn’t,” Katryn interrupted, “but often things happen as they do for a particular reason.”  
  
Shepard nodded.  She was astute enough to realize what Kaidan’s mother was driving at.  “I ran,” she finally continued, her voice hardening just a bit as she tried to regain her composure.  “I ran all the way back home, grabbed my father’s gun, some ammunition and then prepared to head back out to try to find some help, someone … _any_ one.”  A side glance assured her that Katryn was still nearby.  “I looked out a window before leaving the house and saw some slavers heading towards our home.  They weren’t going to leave any of the outlying areas empty, I guess.”  
  
“Ah.”  
  
Shepard sighed.  “So, I ran again.  My father taught me to use his gun when I was younger,” she admitted, a little pride surfacing at the memory.  “Thankfully, I didn’t need to use it often, but I was as good a shot as he was by the time I was twelve.  Somehow, I managed to stay away from the patrols until I eventually ran into some Systems Alliance marines the next day who had been sent into the area to help, but the batarians were just dug in too well.  When the Alliance evacuated the colony, they took me with them.”  
  
Shepard felt Katryn’s arm slide around her back then, offering more silent support.  The next couple of years had not been easy for her, Shepard recalled, as she’d been shuttled from one department to the next in the Alliance to tell her story, to discuss what had happened, to figure out where to go and what to do next.  She’d been offered treatment as well, both physical and mental.  But then she had met Anderson and their friendship had developed into a strong bond, and that had done more to help her heal and move on than anything.  Later, it had been he who suggested she consider joining the Alliance as a marine.  Upon her eighteenth birthday, she had enlisted and not looked back.  
  
“It takes someone with a lot of inner strength and courage to survive something like that as you have,” Katryn observed.  
  
Shepard snorted softly.  “Not really,” she replied.    
  
Katryn’s brow lifted in a questioning manner that Shepard recognized all too well.  Biting back a grin, she wondered what other mannerisms Kaidan had learned from her.  “Answer me this then,” Katryn challenged as she stood just a bit straighter.  “Did you join the Alliance to hunt down the batarians and destroy them for what they had done to you?”  
  
Shepard blinked.  The thought had never crossed her mind.  “I was angry,” she admitted.  “Probably spent the first year and a half after I was rescued feeling that way, but I think a lot of that also stemmed from the never ending questions and shuttling around and such as they tried to find everything out that they could.”  She sighed.  Looking back, it seemed so clear now.  “And then I met Admiral Anderson.”  A smile then as she looked over at Katryn.    
  
Katryn returned the look.  “I met him once,” she admitted.  “He was a very interesting man, and Kaidan seemed to like serving under him.”  
  
Shepard nodded.  “He tended to see the potential in people, guide them in the directions they needed to take.  A sign of a true leader.”  She sighed.  God, she missed him.  They’d gone through so much together.  And then, at the very end, … well, that was yet one other thing she would not dwell on.  It had not been her fault but the Illusive Man’s.    
  
“I understand he was responsible for bringing you and Kaidan together?”  
  
Something in the woman’s tone and inflection had Shepard blushing.  “He was responsible for having Kaidan brought on board the _Normandy_ , yes,” she agreed, her thoughts drifting back.  “I’d been there for … oh, almost a year by then I think?  Anderson followed my career, tracked me down after Akuze and nominated me for N7 training.  He used to tell me he liked keeping track of his ‘investments.’”  She offered Katryn a lopsided grin.    
  
Katryn chuckled.  “Well, I have to admit, after Mindoir, I would have expected them to believe that Akuze would send you over the edge.”  
  
Shepard frowned.  “Yeah, maybe,” she murmured, glancing outside again.  A buzzer went off across the room and Katryn stepped away for a time, but Shepard decided to continue with the story.  “It certainly gave me a healthy respect for thresher maws, that’s for certain.”  
  
Katryn’s groan sounded as if it had a shiver in it, and Shepard couldn’t blame her.  “I don’t know how you did it.”  
  
Pushing away from the window, Shepard walked back into the main part of the kitchen to find Katryn serving up their meal.  Taking a seat, she offered, “My parents and my grandparents did a good job of teaching me to not dwell on the past.  ‘Things happen for a reason,’ they told me, like you were suggesting before.  Granted, I doubt they had the events of Mindoir or Akuze in mind at the time, but there you have it.”  She took a bite of the savory dish and could not hold back a soft moan.  It had been so long since she’d had a home cooked meal.    
  
Katryn smiled.  “Your family sounds very practical.”  
  
“You could say that,” Shepard replied, a smile in her tone.  “I think it was that whole frontier mentality.  Hard work, doing what you had to to get the job done, working past any difficulty that came your way.  I was fortunate to have them in my life long enough for that to sink in.  Though, I will admit, I’ve seen instances over the years where vengeance might have been a preferable option to diplomacy, I usually opt for the latter whenever possible.”  
  
Katryn gave her a long look then as she ate and Shepard had to wonder what the woman was thinking.  It was not long, however, before she found out.  “So … Mindoir, Akuze, N7 training.  Is that why the Alliance turned to you when the Reapers began to threaten?”  
  
Shepard sighed.  Now there was an interesting question that had been nagging at her since Eden Prime.  “To be honest, Katryn, I think that was more of a fluke than anything,” she replied.  “I had been offered up as a candidate for the first human Spectre, and one of their agents was supposed to observe me in action, evaluate my abilities.  So, we were sent to Eden Prime.”  Though she was certain the classification of that mission would no longer be an issue, Shepard kept the details to herself.  “Needless to say, things did not go quite as planned.”  
  
As their meal concluded and they switched to clean-up mode, their conversation shifted to lighter topics once more.  Shepard asked for and received stories of Kaidan in his youth and found comfort, as well as plenty of amusement, in both the stories and the woman relating them.  “I swear to you, commander, having a boy for a child is a curse for every mother!” Katryn teased.    
  
Shepard grinned.  They ended up on an impromptu tour of the house, after Katryn begged Shepard to stay for a few days, offering her Kaidan’s room, and Shepard agreed.  Having moved to his room, Shepard found a baseball on one of the wall shelves upon entering, and this evolved into a tale of nine-year old Kaidan and learning the game … and breaking windows in the process.  “My parents might have argued that it was twin teenage daughters, Katryn,” she returned lightly.  “Of course, it wasn’t baseball for us, but boys.”  
  
Katryn grinned.  “Well, you have me there, commander, I will admit.”  
  
After a few more pleasantries, Katryn left Shepard alone in Kaidan’s room for the night.  Now alone with her thoughts, Shepard was suddenly faced with his presence surrounding her.  For the first time since destroying the Reapers, Shepard felt slightly overwhelmed.  Talking about her past with Katryn this evening had been a double edged sword.  While having to face her past in a way that she had not done in a very, very long time and on a more thorough level than ever before, the process, with Katryn’s guidance, had allowed Shepard to see certain things that she had either taken for granted over the years, or simply had pushed to the back of her mind for the longest time.  In retrospect, she could see how the lessons her family had taught her in her youth had guided her to become the person that Anderson had seen so clearly when he looked at her.  At the time, Shepard had simply been focused on the job at hand, doing what needed to be done.  Now, it was a bit more daunting to look back and review.  
  
As she sat in the bed, curled up beneath the sheets and laying on the pillows that she knew had once been Kaidan’s, Shepard began to recall events from the past three years that had also guided her.  One of the clearest had been Liara asking her how Shepard could manage to keep going, even when times grew desperate.  Back then, Shepard’s response had been immediate, but firm.  The question had arisen again, some months later, but Shepard had given the same response.  Her friends, her _family by choice_ , were the ones she focused on, the ones she swore to protect, in whom she found faith and comfort, kept her remembering the reasons for leading them, making the difficult decisions, fighting to give them and the rest of the galaxy hope for a future.  Shepard’s hand tiredly moved to rest above the child within her, then.   _There is a reason for everything that happens,_ she recalled her grandmother telling her over and over.   _And while we don’t always know these reasons at the time, they eventually become clear.  There is no sense in dwelling on what cannot be changed, only looking forward to the future and moving forward to meet it head on.  Take what you can from your past, learn from it, but always move forward._  As Shepard drifted off towards slumber, she could not help but wonder if this was in part why, despite the odds, she refused to admit that the _Normandy_ could be permanently lost.  


* * *

  
  
The weather had turned cold overnight, but Katryn insisted that Shepard take one of the sweaters that had belonged to Kaidan so many years before in order to keep herself warm.  Secretly pleased with this turn of events, Shepard donned the garment, smirking softly at the time upon discovering that even at the age of nineteen his upper body had been nearly twice the size of her own.  Sleeves rolled, the looseness of the sweater at least served to keep her current condition hidden for a while longer, though Shepard knew that before returning to Vancouver she would be telling Katryn.  The woman had welcomed Shepard so willingly, how could she not share the news?  
  
They were walking through the orchard, Katryn giving Shepard the full tour, pointing out places where the Reapers had moved in, describing the last days of the war and how she and others managed to stay safe from harm.  “There is a very deep bunker,” she explained, gesturing in the direction of the mountain range to the west.  “With the eyes and ears of the resistance watching out for us, we were alerted and many of us fled there for protection.  They were never able to break through.”  
  
“I’m glad you had a place to go,” Shepard told her, wondering just what it must have been like for her during that time.  Had they encountered trouble along the way?  Or had they had enough time to simply flee with what they could?  Turning her attention back towards the trees then, Shepard stepped towards one and took a moment or two to examine it more closely.  “Your orchard seems to have recovered quite nicely,” she observed quietly.  
  
Katryn nodded and smiled.  “And I suspect, based on what you have told me, that your father would be quite pleased to know his daughter remembered enough about farming to be able to recognize that so easily.”  
  
Shepard blushed.  “Yes,” she agreed, “I think he would at that.”  Sighing, she continued to walk along beside Kaidan’s mother.  “There was a time when I thought I’d follow in his footsteps, you know,” she admitted.  “Kaysey wanted to be a teacher and work with children, but me?”  Taking a deep breath of fresh air, she finished, “There’s nothing quite like being out of doors and working with nature, not against it.”  
  
Katryn looped her arm through Shepard’s then, to her surprise, but she did not pull away.  A flash of memory hit her then, as they continued down the path.   _When this is over?  I’m going to be waiting for you.  You’d better show up._  A gentle weight settled upon her then as she recalled saying goodbye to Kaidan in London.  A soft sigh as she recalled his response.   _Don’t get me wrong.  I’m going to fight like hell for the chance to hold you again …._  She certainly hoped he was still fighting out there, somewhere, trying to come home.  And all the others.  They still had things to talk about, memories to share … a family to raise.  
  
“Commander, are you ailing?”  
  
Katryn’s words brought Shepard back to the moment and she glanced over at the woman.  “I’m sorry,” she murmured, “just … thinking.  Remembering.”  
  
Katryn’s arm tightened around Shepard’s.  “I recognize that look, you know,” she said softly.  Taking a deep breath, she finally asked, “Can you tell me anything at all about what happened to him?”  
  
Shepard shook her head.  “Unfortunately, no,” she replied.  “It isn’t because of military secrets or anything,” she added quickly, “but that we just … we don’t know.”  She proceeded to explain to Katryn all that she knew about what had happened with the _Normandy_ after the battle.  “Katryn, I wish I could -”  
  
“Don’t, Shepard,” the older woman reassured her, for once not using her old rank in place of her name.  “It’s alright.  I understand what you must be going through.”  
  
Shepard snorted softly.  “Kaidan and I had finally found a way to move on, put the past behind us,” she whispered brokenly.  “I don’t know where it would have taken us, but ….”  
  
“Hmm.”  Shepard heard the sound and turned back.  “The last message I had from Kaidan, he told me that the two of you had worked out your differences.  He sounded so hopeful for the future, too.”  
  
Shepard sighed.  “I spent so much time trying to bring hope to others,” she managed.  “Kaidan realized before I did that I was in need of it there at the end, too.  I -”  She wiped at her eyes a moment before continuing.  Hand lowering to rest over her midsection, she whispered, “I can’t believe that he isn’t out there, somewhere, trying to come back to us.”  Halting, she unlinked their arms and turned to face Katryn.  “There is another reason I came out here to see you,” she admitted at last.  “I mean, I came because I wanted to, because I wanted to meet you and talk with you about Kaidan and all, but … I also wanted you to know that I’m carrying Kaidan’s child.  No matter what happens, a part of him _will_ survive.”  
  
Shepard was not quite sure what to expect from Kaidan’s mother given the suddenness of her announcement, but when the woman reached out and just took her hands, squeezing them tightly for a moment, Shepard felt relief.  “Oh!  This is wonderful!” Katryn exclaimed, finally moving closer to give Shepard a hug.  “Is this why the doctor has you on limited duty?”  
  
Shepard nodded.  “In part, yes.”  
  
“Is everything alright then?”  Excitement was clouded for a moment by worry.  “I heard the stories about what happened up on the Citadel in that last battle.  Are you well?  Should we head back to the house -”  
  
Shepard was feeling a mixture of amusement and sympathy as Katryn’s reactions seemed to be jumping back and forth between excitement and concern.  “I am well enough,” she replied.  “The doctor has a few concerns, but most are related to my recovery from my injuries and how they might affect my carrying of the baby.  Otherwise, I seem to be fine.”  
  
Katryn caught her arm once more and Shepard was suddenly being hauled back in the direction of the house.  “Well, we must get you back inside and resting!”  
  
Shepard groaned.  “Katryn -”  
  
But Katryn clucked softly and chided, “Now, commander, let me tell you a thing or two about being pregnant.  First, you should take every opportunity to rest up - trust me, you will be thankful for it later when such opportunities are very few and far between!”  As they continued on, Shepard rolling her eyes upon occasion as Kaidan’s mother continued on with her advice full steam, and in Katryn’s excitement, one thing became quite clear: Shepard was no longer alone.


	9. Close Calls

  
  
  
Her daily routine well under way, Shepard could not help but reflect back upon her usual morning visit with Dr. Michel.  Started in the days following Shepard’s return to work, Dr. Michel had begun showing up as the major’s day was about to begin in order to run medical scans.  What had started as a minor annoyance for Shepard and a way of monitoring Shepard’s progress for the doctor had evolved into a friendly routine, conversation and the sharing of a morning cup of tea.  Looking back on it, Shepard would have had it no other way, she supposed.  A time where she could share with the doctor any concerns or questions about her recovery, or even fears regarding her pregnancy, the doctor also used it as a way of gathering stories regarding Shepard’s many companions throughout the Reaper War, most notably in regards to Garrus Vakarian.  While not a complete surprise (Shepard had noticed as far back as during her hunt for the Collectors that Dr. Michel had developed more than a simple curiosity in regards to the turian), Shepard found it quite amusing that the doctor still seemed to have an interest there.  Just this morning, his name had come up as the good doctor had reflected upon seeing a box of turian chocolates recently which had caused her to think of him.  Now, as she surveyed some of the new data on the display in front of her, Shepard paused for a moment, memories drifting back upon her last conversation with Garrus, just before the battle in London.  Eyes lifting upwards, she now whispered, “If you’re up there, have one for me, old friend,” before turning back to the job at hand.  
  
With Shannon’s assistance, and some technological finagling Shepard was still uncertain of (that was why she’d had Kaidan and Tali around, right?), the datafeed from a third drydock, this one located in Japan, had been brought online and fed into her current display.  There were hints that a fourth site would soon be online as well, at Luna Base, but that linkup was not yet established.  For the most part though, operations were moving along quite smoothly, with the occasional disruption due to accident or mishap.  The incident involving the frigate in the Vancouver yards had finally been categorized as ‘accidental,’ though Shepard still considered it suspicious in her book.  
  
Today, however, Shepard and the lieutenant were busily preparing another monthly update for Admiral Hackett.  To that end, any and all incidents involving ships or troops were being detailed to give the admiral the best possible information with which to work.  Realistically, Shepard knew that it would take years for the Systems Alliance to rebuild to pre-war levels.  Equipment, soldiers, even infrastructure - all needed overhauling after the damage sustained at the hands of the enemy, whether it be Cerberus or the Reapers.  Two months into her new position, though, Shepard was able to find some areas for optimism ever mindful that, at this part of the process, one took it where one could find it.  The situation was improving, slowly but surely.  And while this was a completely different side to the military than she was used to, her experience out in the field allowed her the opportunity to direct their replenishing resources in a much more efficient manner than if run by someone lacking that sort of knowledge and experience.  Though she loathed the idea of becoming a behind-the-desk-paper-pusher, Shepard could admit, if only to herself, that if she had to have a desk job (on which both Dr. Michel and Admiral Hackett insisted, at least for the foreseeable future), this was one of the more interesting and challenging ones to have.  There was also the added benefit that it appeared to be right up her alley.  
  
“Major,” the lieutenant broke in, disrupting Shepard’s thoughts, “the _Zhukov_ is about to depart.”  
  
Shepard glanced over and offered the other woman a warm smile.  “Let’s take a break and watch,” she suggested, setting her datapad aside and leading the way out onto the balcony.  One of the benefits to this office location Shepard had discovered early on was its positioning in relationship to the ships entering and exiting the dry docks in Vancouver.  Whenever possible, Shepard found herself taking a page from Flight Lieutenant Cortez’s book.  Her shuttle pilot had introduced her to the peace and calm one could find from simply watching the ships flying by.  Aside from the beauty of seeing large, unwieldy objects moving with such fluid grace, it gave Shepard immense satisfaction to see one leaving, finally fixed, whole, and once again fit for duty, and was yet another reminder of why, despite her occasional protests to the contrary, she continued working at this job.  Glancing over at the lieutenant, Shepard commented, “One success at a time, hmm?”  
  
Shannon nodded, but she remained facing the scene before them.  The _Zhukov_ was an Alliance dreadnought.  The sheer size of the ship nearly took Shepard’s breath away as it left port, and that was after having seen it up close and personal in the docks.  She could understand all too easily how the lieutenant could feel speechless at that moment.  “This,” the younger woman finally managed in a near breathless tone, “this is … amazing!”  Shepard nodded her agreement.  Realistically, while she found just as much satisfaction no matter the size of ship completed, she understood that there was a certain majesty in seeing one of the larger ships depart.  In addition, the _Zhukov_ was one of the few dreadnoughts to have actually survived the war, having taken most of its damage during the last battle for Earth.  Shepard could still recall with clarity the day that the Reapers had attacked.  As she and Anderson had made their way through the rubble towards a location where the _Normandy_ could get to them to evacuate, she had seen one of the larger ships take a direct hit over English Bay.  The relative ease with which the ship had been destroyed by the Reapers had been disheartening to say the least.  The fact that the _Zhukov_ had survived the battle and only needed repairs was nearly a miracle.  
  
Once the _Zhukov_ cleared the docks, it was only a matter of minutes before it was able to gain enough lift and speed to ascend upwards.  At least, in theory.  When Shepard glanced at the clock upon their return into her office, she was a bit surprised to realize that it had taken the ship the better part of three-quarters of an hour to depart.  Shannon noticed as well, commenting, “I would have thought despite its size it would have moved more quickly.  Perhaps it’s not quite as fit as they thought?”  
  
Shepard opened her mouth to reply when the reason suddenly occurred to her.  Shaking her head, she replied, “Actually, quite the contrary, lieutenant.”  Shannon gave her a quizzical look then, and Shepard bit back a smile.  “The _Zhukov_ was showing off, boosting morale if you like,” she explained.  Reaching for the datapad she’d been using earlier, she concluded, “Her departure was as much for the people on land as it was the crew on the ship.  We lost so many during the war, and she was the first capital ship, at least here in Vancouver, to return to active duty.”  
  
The lieutenant’s eyes widened a bit as understanding settled, and this time Shepard did smile.  “Now then, lieutenant, shall we continue?  And don’t forget, I fully intend to direct Admiral Hackett in your direction if he comes down to sing our praises again after this report.”  Shannon’s lighthearted laughter gave them an easy atmosphere in which to work.  
  
It also left them completely off guard for what came next.    
  
Shepard was in the process of bringing up the statistical details on the recruits when she heard the door to the office open unexpectedly behind her.  Before she could turn, to see who the newcomer was, however, she heard Shannon beginning to protest.  Something in the lieutenant’s tone alerted Shepard, and in the end, that was what saved her.  As she turned towards the commotion between the two, years of battle-trained instincts had Shepard dropping and rolling to cover nearby as a pistol shot landed in the leg of the table near where she had been standing but moments before.  Landing in a crouched position around the corner of the display table, her eyes began darting around the room to assess the situation, but more importantly to search for something that she could use as a weapon with which to defend herself.  What she would have given to have been armed with a simple pistol at that moment!  However, no one had even considered any necessity for weapons in an office setting now that the war was over, especially when security was such that any use of weapons in unauthorized locations (such as an office) should have set off alarms.  Too late, Shepard realized that her current dilemma was her own fault for not having challenged the rule when she could have.  If there had been one thing she had learned in all her years as a marine, it was that the unexpected was always possible.  Fleetingly, and not for the first time in her life, Shepard found herself wishing she had some sort of biotic ability.  It would have come in very handy just then.  
  
As her eyes scanned the room, Shepard noticed Shannon confronting her opponent, a pistol now drawn in defense, and Shepard decided to use that distraction as cover for a change of position.  Her surprise at finding her assistant armed was minimal given their current situation.  All she knew was that the chances of getting past the two of them without being detected so she could call for assistance was not good.  However, opportunity was giving her the chance to find a more defensible location.  Or so it seemed.  It was as she turned and started moving in the direction of her desk that Shepard heard the door to the balcony opening … just as another armed intruder burst into the room, his weapon drawn and aimed directly at Shepard.  His relative position had Shepard almost directly in his line of fire.  Had she been in armor, it might not have concerned her as much, but the dress uniform she had taken to wearing at work offered very little in the way of protection.  And still, she had no weapon.  
  
“Shepard!”  
  
Shannon’s voice rang out in alarm, indicating that the lieutenant had noticed the change in her situation.  Following immediately afterwards, and with some surprise for Shepard, she recognized the singularity that was tossed up in the general direction of the balcony intruder.  While the attack did not hit the man directly, it was positioned between him and Shepard in such a way that it gave Shepard some maneuvering room to use to get to safety.  Reacting quickly, Shepard moved past the singularity, retracing her steps towards the display table.  As she arrived, she noticed that the first intruder lying prone on the floor, Shannon now moving to take on the second.    
  
Shepard remained silent for the moment as Shannon faced off with her opponent.  Still searching for something to use in her own defense, Shepard was turning towards a shelf of binders and datapads when she felt something clasp around her ankle before tugging sharply, catching her completely off guard.  Unprepared for the interference, she felt her leg give out beneath her, sending her tumbling face first towards the floor.  Again, instinct and years of training and battle experience had her arms moving quickly into position where she could catch herself, but she still landed belly first and with force enough to whack the side of her jaw against the floor.   
  
Experience had Shepard attempting to roll away from her opponent, but the man whom she had thought down just moments before was more resilient than either she or Shannon had given him credit.  His hold on her ankle loosed, but before Shepard could scramble away, her head was being yanked backwards by a hand taking firm hold of her hair.  He rose to his feet then, pulling her along with him while growling at her to cooperate.  It was then that Shepard felt a sharp pain slice across her lower abdomen.  Her body reacting without any instruction, Shepard doubled over, only to have her head yanked back once more.  And in that moment, as her fight or flight instincts kicked in, all she could think was that she was going to lose the only thing she had left of Kaidan, the one thing that was helping her focus on recovering from her battle injuries all alone.  Any and all concerns over the past few months since discovering her condition melted away in a single moment as Shepard realized it didn’t matter if she thought she was prepared for this or not - she wanted this child, and she would defend it in any way that she could.

* * *

  
  
Shannon heard Shepard’s cry of alarm just as she was in the process of permanently eliminating the second attacker.  Turning back, she found Shepard caught somewhere between standing and kneeling, her head pulled back at a painful angle and the man that Shannon had believed she had incapacitated earlier, behind it all.  Not hesitating, Shannon turned towards him, her pistol which had taken down the second intruder still drawn and armed, now coming to bear on her original opponent.    
  
“We’re leaving,” he warned her angrily with a harsh tug on Shepard’s hair, “or she’s dead.”  
  
Shannon saw pain flash behind Shepard’s eyes, but to the major’s credit, she did not cry out.  “You won’t make it out into the hallway,” Shannon returned steadily, hoping that the silent security alarms that were supposed to trigger had done so.  She was a bit concerned that there had been no response as of yet, though she knew that perhaps it had not been as long as it seemed.  Eyes shifting from the attacker’s to Shepard’s, Shannon was caught by the firm look she found there.  Still silent though Shannon could see the pain etched in her face, the look Shepard was giving Shannon was one of authority, of instruction.  Left fist tightening, Shannon could feel the biotic energy gathering there.  The plan had been to keep Shepard from knowing of her biotics for as long as possible, though after her earlier use, Shannon realized it was now a moot point.  Besides, an order - and that was clearly what Shepard was giving her - was an order, and Shannon knew better than to disobey a direct order from a superior officer.  The lieutenant just wished that she had a bit clearer understanding of what those instructions were. Seeing that she didn’t, however, Shannon made a command decision, silently praying it was the right one.  
  
“You’re going to ensure that we do,” the attacker now sneered, yanking on Shepard’s hair once again.  He was close to the door and had to turn away for just a moment to open it.  As he did so, Shannon noticed Shepard collapse into a dead weight, dropping to the floor.  The attacker was unprepared, and if Shannon read him right, startled by this, but it gave her a window of opportunity in which to act.  
  
The lieutenant had several options available to her in her biotic arsenal, but seeing as she had to worry about Shepard being caught up in it as well, she opted for one that would incapacitate the attacker and Shepard both, but give Shannon the opportunity to assist Shepard from it before dealing with the attacker.  As she had done before, the singularity was directed with precision, catching both individuals in it’s field.  Shannon was moving as soon as the attack left her fingertips, reaching out and clasping Shepard’s arm, pulling her free just moments later before any severe damage could be done.  Assisting Shepard off to the side, Shannon helped her to the floor, stammering, “Major, I -”  
  
“It’s alright, lieutenant,” Shepard assured her, her breathing a bit ragged.  However, she was coherent enough to reach for Shannon’s pistol while adding, “Go on and call for security.  I’ll keep an eye on him.”  
  
“Yes, ma’am,” Shannon replied out of instinct, turning to race across the room towards Shepard’s desk to make the call.  She’d be damned if she’d leave Shepard alone in the room.  Not when this person had proven he could survive the battle.    


* * *

  
  
Shepard remained alert, her eyes focused on the man as the biotic attack dissipated and dropped him to a prone position upon the floor.  He seemed to be unconscious, though he’d succeeded in fooling them that way before.  Shepard would have preferred to step in to check for a pulse - after all, given any injury he’d previously sustained, this latest attack could well have killed him - but she did not dare do it on her own, even now armed.    
  
And then another sharp, cramping sensation sliced across her belly and Shepard felt her earlier fears returning, much more intense than before too as the adrenaline that had been sustaining her appeared to be wearing off.  Biting her lip, she glanced over towards Shannon who was now returning.  “Shannon -”  
  
“Security is on the way,” Shannon assured her.  “I called for Dr. Michel, too.”  
  
Shepard sighed in relief.  “Thanks,” she murmured, though she thought her voice sounded a bit shaky.  
  
Apparently, the lieutenant thought so too because she was suddenly kneeling beside Shepard and searching her for injuries.  “Are you alright, major?”  
  
Shepard opened her mouth to reply, but no words came out.  She had no idea if she was or wasn’t.  The pains she’d been experiencing frightened her, that was true, and certainly they seemed to have something to do with the baby, but beyond that, she did not want to panic, nor cause Shannon to do so.  Instead, she gestured with the pistol, waving it at the body nearby.  “Check him,” she finally managed.    
  
Shannon moved quickly, rolling the man over until she could feel for a pulse and check his breathing.  “I don’t think he’s got much time,” she called over her shoulder.  “His breathing is very raspy and his pulse is very fast.”  
  
Shepard rose then, approaching slowly.  The man still was not responding, so she nudged at his leg with the toe of her shoe.  “Wake up,” she ordered sharply.  The man groaned, indicating he still had some life left in him yet.  Kneeling down, Shepard reached down to shake his shoulder.  “Who are you?  Who sent you?” she demanded.    
  
Another groan had Shepard rising quickly and backing off a step, just to make certain she was out of arm’s reach.  “M-more,” he rasped, his voice taking on a strange, hollow like sound inside the helmet he wore.  “More … will … come ….”  
  
And in that moment, Shepard felt a different fear hit her hard though she did her best to not let it show.  “Who?” she asked, her voice sharpening just a bit more.  Shannon, she noted, was shaking the man’s shoulders now, attempting to get him to respond.  “Who will come?  Who are you?”  
  
This time the raspy voice just mumbled something unintelligible, both women exchanging looks to see if the other had understood.  Shortly thereafter, they heard a last breathy exhalation as he finally expired from his injuries.  Shepard felt rather bewildered just then.  While she felt relief that he was no longer an active threat against either of them, she still had no clear answers as to who was after them.  
  
The sound of a door opening from the other side of their current location had Shannon rising immediately, moving to push Shepard to the side and out of harms way as she lifted her pistol towards the intruder.  Even though both women knew that help was on the way, Shepard found it a bit reassuring to realize that the lieutenant would not be caught off guard again.  Shannon called for the new arrivals to identify themselves, which they did quickly before the door was opened to allow them in.  Dr. Michel and one of her assistants followed right behind a team of security personnel whom, Shepard was relieved to see, made a beeline for Shannon.  Shepard was in no mood at the moment to deal with them just yet.    
  
Dr. Michel was speaking to her before Shepard realized it, and it took her a long moment to bring her focus onto the doctor now that the immediate concerns of attack had passed and the adrenaline was wearing off.  Aside from the cramping she’d been experiencing, Shepard was now feeling slightly shaky at the thought there was some new and unexpected threat.  “Come, major,” Dr. Michel was directing her as she and her assistant each took one of Shepard’s arms and guided her away from the door, “you should sit down for a moment.”  
  
As they crossed the room, Shepard explained to the doctor what had occurred during the attack.  She began to seat herself where directed, but paused mid-way down as she experienced another of the cramps, though admittedly not as intense as they had been earlier.  When she alerted Dr. Michel, the physician began using her omni-tool to run some scans while her assistant assisted.  Throughout it all, Shepard fought back the urge to panic.  It wasn’t easy, but years of being a well trained marine helped.  Then there was the experience of facing off against multiple Reapers by herself.  Surely that had to count for something.  Taking a deep breath, Shepard held it for a moment before releasing it slowly, a trick she had learned years before from her sister when nervous about giving a presentation in school.  Over time, Shepard had come to realize that it helped in other situations.  Like being the only survivor of a thresher maw attack.  Or facing off against a giant talking synthetic who wanted to destroy your race and the rest of the galaxy.  Shepard shuddered as she shifted into a more comfortable position.    
  
“Major, please sit still,” Dr. Michel chastised lightly, “or my readings will be inaccurate.”    
  
“Sorry, doctor,” Shepard murmured apologetically, turning to glance across the room in an effort to distract herself.  In that moment, she began to realize just how unlikely this situation should have been.  How many times should she have died along the way?  That she had done so once was a moot point at the moment since she was alive once again, but still.  So many deaths along the way, of friends and families and innocents ….  Shepard’s eyes narrowed and her thoughts paused as she noticed the security team preparing to dispose of the bodies of the two attackers.  Rising quickly and ignoring Dr. Michel’s continued protests, Shepard called out, “Where are you taking them?”  
  
Shepard saw Shannon turn to give her a quizzical look.  “We’re disposing of them,” was the reply from one of the security people.  
  
“Is something wrong, major?” Shannon asked.  “Standard security protocols -”  
  
Shepard shook her head and turned back to the doctor for a moment.  “Doctor … would you be willing to check them over?  Amongst other things, see if there’s anything to indicate who they were working for?”  Shepard wasn’t holding her breath over that one, but it didn’t hurt to be thorough.  She recalled all too clearly the mission to the Mars archives after Earth had fallen to the Reapers where she, Liara and Kaidan had discovered how Cerberus had altered the bodies of its agents, a fact that had later been confirmed.  If Cerberus had done that to their own, other groups certainly could as well.  
  
The doctor hesitated a moment Shepard thought, but she was soon nodding and replying, “Take them to the medical wing.  Dr. Winslow can show you where to put them.”  Looking over at Shepard, she continued, “It might take some time, major, but I will see what there is to find out.”  
  
Shepard nodded and sat once more.  “If anything,” she added.    
  
The sound of the door opening once more had everyone turning and some even drawing their weapons which, in the end, made for an interesting and briefly tense moment when it was realized that the newcomer was only Admiral Hackett and some of his personal guards.  Again, Shepard rose from her seat.  Dr. Michel’s sigh of frustration, however, had her pausing.  But it was Admiral Hackett who spoke first and the concern in his tone was hard to miss.  “Major, what’s the situation?”   
  
Shepard straightened and began to give him an update.  It took several minutes, and all the while the doctor and her assistant continued their examination, but Shepard simply ignored them.  She had business to attend, and by focusing on that, she felt it was helping her to calm.  When finally she concluded her summary, Shepard met Hackett’s gaze.  “Are you alright, major?” he asked while glancing over at the doctor for verification.  
  
“The major is fine,” the doctor replied.  Giving Shepard a stern look, she added, “After what you went through, some discomfort is normal.  However, if you experience more symptoms I fully expect you to come see me.”  
  
“I will,” Shepard promised.  Shannon stepped over then to escort the doctor and the security team from the office, holding the door for them as the bodies were removed.  All in all, as she turned her attention back towards the admiral, Shepard could not help but reflect on how surreal the experience had been.  
  
Hackett’s bodyguards followed those departing the room, presumably to take up positions outside the door and give them some privacy in which to speak, Shepard realized.  Seating herself, Shepard was thankful that the admiral took the one beside her.  “And you thought having a desk job would be boring?” the man asked, displaying the deceptively dry sense of humor that Anderson had often insisted to Shepard that Hackett had.  
  
Shepard snorted softly.  “Only if I’d been armed beforehand,” she tossed back.  Sighing, she leaned back and ran her hands over her face.  “Admiral -”  
  
“We dodged a bullet there, Shepard, no doubt about it,” he observed quickly.  “I’m sorry.”  
  
His apology caught her off guard, though she only nodded in acknowledgement.  Leaning forward once more, she asked, “Perhaps it’s time to review our security protocols?”  
  
He was silent for a moment, but eventually he nodded.  “Obviously, if armed intruders can break into your office in such an unexpected manner something needs to be done somewhere.  The investigation into what happened is already started.  I think I will leave an analysis of the overall situation and suggested improvements to you and Lieutenant Duquesne.  That is,” he added, giving her a knowing look, “if you think you can handle the extra work.”  
  
Shepard bit back a grin, offering only a slight smile instead.  “I think we can handle it, sir,” she agreed.  
  
“In the meantime, do we know anything about who these people were?”  
  
Slowly, Shepard rose to her feet, feeling the need to move around the room.  She wasn’t certain why, but she was still feeling a bit anxious about the whole incident.  However, focusing on it, reviewing it, debriefing with the admiral about what had happened would all go a long way towards settling things, she hoped.  “It’s too early to be sure,” Shepard explained as she crossed over to disengage the tactical display table.  There would be no further work on the report today.   
  
“From what little I know so far, it almost seems like something a group like Cerberus would try,” the admiral observed.    
  
Shepard nodded immediately.  There was no denying that her thoughts had traveled down that road as well.  “I can’t argue with you there, admiral.  Their tactics weren’t exactly the same, but they were close enough to suggest more than mere coincidence.  And I suppose it’s possible some cells could have survived the war.”  Which was a truly sobering thought.  
  
Hackett looked over at her and their eyes met.  “I think it’s safe to say that whoever these people were, you were their target.”  
  
Shepard nodded.  That too had crossed her mind.  “Yeah, they made that obvious enough.  But … why?”  
  
“Revenge?  With the Illusive Man gone, it could be something as simple as that, I suppose.”    
  
Shepard shook her head at the admiral’s suggestion.  “That seems almost too easy,” she mused, searching for other possibilities.  “And that is based on the assumption that they are a remnant of Cerberus.”  
  
“Shepard, you are responsible for the loss of the Illusive Man,” the admiral pointed out, lifting a hand to keep her from speaking when she would have interrupted.  “Whether he took his own life or not up on the Citadel is not the issue right now.  All of the news vids out there have tagged you as the person responsible for his demise.  And we know how these people operate.  Remember, there have been rogue cells in the past, going off on their own without the Illusive Man’s approval.  Who is to say this isn’t one of them?”  
  
Shepard couldn’t deny that point.  “Benning,” she murmured and was not surprised when the admiral nodded.    
  
“Yes, Benning.”  He then rose and moved to stand beside her.  “And while we still don’t know for certain that it is Cerberus, I think we can safely say that if it’s not them, it’s a group like them.  We need to prepare for anything, major.  Never underestimate your opponent.”  His eyes narrowed and hardened just a bit she noted.  “And if they’ve tried once and failed, they might just try again.”  
  
Shepard sighed but nodded.  “Yes sir,” she acknowledged.  “I just wish we knew why.”  
  
The door to the office opened then and Shepard glanced over to see Shannon returning.  Before turning to leave, the admiral clapped a hand on Shepard’s shoulder.  “You and me both, major.”  Nodding over at the lieutenant, he began exiting the room, pausing a moment at the threshold to add, “In the meantime, major, you are authorized to undertake whatever security precautions, both here and at home, that you find necessary.”  
  
Shannon and Shepard shared a quick look before Shepard asked, “Any?”  
  
Hackett nodded.  “Any.  If you run into any obstacles whatsoever, you are to invoke my authority in the matter.  I want it clearly understood that I take attacks upon my people as a serious offense.”  
  
The grin she’d been holding back now slipped through.  “Aye aye, sir,” she replied before saluting him quickly as the doors closed behind his retreating form.  
  
“What … did I just walk into?” Shannon asked once the admiral was gone, her own hand lowering from her salute.  
  
Shepard gave her a warm smile.  “How about we head to the practice range and I explain along the way,” she offered.  “But first, I think you and I need to have a little chat.”

* * *

  
  
Shannon swallowed back any nervousness at Shepard’s request for a ‘little chat.’  She suspected that, after today’s attack, any pretense of hiding her abilities and her reasons for being assigned as Shepard’s assistant might be done.  Falling into step beside her superior, Shannon nodded and followed her out of the office.  “What would you like to know?” she asked, opening up the discussion.  Might as well open it up and see what came out of it, though she would keep to the admiral’s original orders as much as possible.  
  
They headed down the hall towards the elevators and Shannon found herself surprised at how ‘normal’ everything seemed despite the earlier disruptions.  She knew the security details were frantically investigating and finding ways to shore up the protocols until such time as permanent changes could be made, but you couldn’t see it in any obvious manner at the moment.    
  
“Well, for starters, you’re not just my ‘assistant,’ are you?” Shepard commented.  
  
Shannon hesitated for just a moment, trying to determine just what she should and should not tell the woman.  “I was assigned to you as such, yes,” she replied.  “And my strengths lie in the administrative side of things.”   _Just not only there,_ she added silently.  
  
Keeping an eye on Shepard as they entered the elevator, Shannon reached over to close the door early to keep others out.  She did not necessarily want outsiders intruding upon this conversation.  For her part, Shepard did not seem fully satisfied with Shannon’s answer.  That almost made Shannon smile.  Truly, she would have been disappointed if Shepard had left it at that.  “Alright, let me ask you this then,” the major continued after a moment’s thought.  “Were you brought on board because of your administrative skills, or for other reasons?”  
  
Shannon felt a brow lift in question.  “Define other reasons,” she returned.  
  
Shepard’s eyes narrowed a bit.  “Don’t play games with me, lieutenant,” she warned, her voice taking on a bit more of what her friends had often teased her was her ‘commanding presence.’  “After what happened today, I’m hardly in the mood.”  
  
Shannon nodded.  “Yes, ma’am.  I’m sorry, I was only trying to determine what you were referring to is all.”  The doors slide open a moment later, though, and Shannon held her tongue until she and Shepard were turning down the hallway leading towards the firing range.  Thankfully, the halls here were fairly empty.  “Admiral Hackett asked me personally to be your assistant, yes.  He felt that my administrative skills and style would be a good match for your requirements.  But aside from that, I am a marine, ma’am.”  She tossed Shepard a slight smile.  “And Alliance marines are well trained, are they not?”  
  
“Apparently, in more ways than one,” Shepard muttered.  Shannon held back the laugh that wanted to break free.  Unless the major challenged her on specific skills, Shannon was not going to admit to anything.  The admiral had advised her to keep it as quiet as possible for as long as possible in an effort to keep Shepard as safe as possible.    
  
“So, you’re biotic then?”    
  
Shannon nodded.  “Yes, ma’am.”  
  
They entered the range then, pausing only to retrieve their weapons and ear protection before moving to the far end.  “Weapons proficient, too,” Shepard commented then.  
  
Shannon nodded again.  “In small arms, yes,” she agreed.  “I can manage an assault rifle in an emergency, but I’m not nearly as good.”  
  
Shepard moved forward first to expend her clip at the target downrange.  As she did so, Shannon watched, observing her technique, her stance, anything and everything that might offer an advantage to her own style.  Shepard’s reputation with the sniper rifle was very well known, even if Shannon had not been to the range with her before and seen it first-hand.  But that said, she had also noted it appeared to carry over to other weapons.  Glancing to the far end of the range, Shannon could now see clear evidence of that in the cluster of holes centered in the ‘chest’ and ‘head’ of the target.  Had Shepard taken to practicing since their last challenge? she wondered.  Shaking her head in silent admiration, Shannon prepared herself for her turn.  As she stepped forward and took her place, she heard Shepard comment in a deceptively casual tone, “Lieutenant, I don’t like being kept in the dark about certain things, particularly when it comes to security.  Secrets can get people killed.”  
  
Before lifting her arms and taking aim, Shannon glanced back over her shoulder at Shepard.  She nodded her agreement, but still held her tongue.  The admiral had been insistent, after all.  “Need to know, ma’am,” she finally explained, hoping that would resolve the issue for the major.  And while Shepard looked as if she might protest for a moment, Shannon noted a reluctant acceptance cross her features as she nodded once.  Facing forward once more, Shannon loosed her clip at her target.  The results were not nearly as impressive, she thought, but they were respectable enough.    
  
Shepard seemed to agree as she stepped forward to observe and then gave Shannon a smile and a nod.  “So then, lieutenant, up for a rematch?”  
  
After the events of the day, and realizing that they both needed some sort of outlet, Shannon couldn’t help herself.  “Why not?”  
  
As Shepard stepped forward once more, switching out targets before taking her stance, she suggested, “Loser buys dinner?”  
  
Shannon should have been intimidated by the smile that crossed Shepard’s lips then, but she wasn’t.  Offering her own grin in return, the lieutenant replied, “Challenge accepted, ma’am.”  
  
  
  
  


	10. Long Overdue

  
  
  
  
Thankfully, upon approach and in no small part thanks to Specialist Traynor’s talents, the _Normandy_ was able to establish a primitive sort of communications with the Alliance forces as they entered Earth’s atmosphere guaranteeing that at the very least they would be able to dock without fear of being shot out of the sky.  Once docked, however, no one was more surprised than Kaidan himself to find that upon securing the vessel for boarding, Admiral Hackett was waiting on the other side of the bulkhead door.  Boarding the _Normandy_ , the admiral greeted Kaidan and his crew.  “Major Alenko.  Welcome back.”  Kaidan saluted the admiral quickly and then welcomed him aboard.  “Thank you, sir.  It’s good to be home.”  
  
One thing became clear quite quickly as the impromptu inspection began: The return to land and civilization after so many months away would be a bit of a cultural shock, but it was one that was welcomed by every crew member.  Kaidan led the admiral through the ship, taking a quick tour to speak to some of the crew and welcome them home.  Though a bit unusual, it served as a reminder to all the crew onboard that their arrival home, though late, was very much appreciated.  During this time, the admiral also brought them up to speed on what had been happening since that last battle.  Though speaking in somewhat general terms, they were alerted to certain difficulties that had arisen due to the destruction of the Reapers, not the least of which was the extensive damage to the mass relay system.  
  
The discussion continued, the admiral taking the time to respond to each and every question that was raised, something that Kaidan felt perhaps indicated the level of relief that the _Normandy_ had finally returned.  At one point someone, though Kaidan was uncertain who it was who did so, finally asked the one question that they had all been tiptoeing around since the admiral’s arrival: What had happened to Commander Shepard?  It was only then that the admiral clarified that not only had the destruction of the Reapers been complete, but that Shepard had indeed survived the battle.  Time seemed to stand still for Kaidan for a very long moment as the shock at finally hearing the news that he had been hoping to hear over these past months sank in.    
  
The admiral made preparations to disembark the _Normandy_ a short while later and Kaidan walked with him.  “Sir,” he finally managed, the haze of his relief finally beginning to fade, “might I ask -”  
  
Hackett maintained a straight face, Kaidan noted, though he thought he could see the man’s lips twitch slightly at the corners.  “Headquarters,” the admiral announced before reciting a floor and office location.  “I would appreciate it, major, if you would let her know of your return.  Call it a personal favor, if you will.  She has been a mite distracted from her duties these past few months.”  
  
Kaidan nodded, straightening to attention and giving a quick salute while biting back the smile that wanted to break free.  That sounded positive.  Didn’t it?  “Absolutely, sir.  Consider it done.”  
  
Once the admiral had left, Kaidan backtracked inside the heart of the ship to find Liara and Garrus.  “I’ll be ashore for a while,” he told them without explanation.  Was there any need to, really?  
  
Before Garrus could say a word, Liara smiled at Kaidan and returned teasingly, “Go on.  You’re a bit behind schedule and have kept her waiting long enough, don’t you think?”    
  
Not needing further prodding, and oblivious to the chuckles around him, Kaidan exited the ship.  Only once along the way did he ask for directions and that was at the exit of the yards simply to guarantee he had not misunderstood the admiral’s directions.  Within fifteen minutes, he was entering the building and five minutes after that, her office.  He barely registered his surroundings as he made his way through, other than to identify that he’d found the proper floor for her office and then the right suite.  Totally and completely focused, he allowed tunnel vision to lead him.  
  
However, as he entered the reception area, Kaidan came to a sudden halt as he received his second shock for the day in the recognition of the woman sitting behind the desk.  “Shannon!”  
  
The lieutenant’s head snapped up at the sound of his voice, eyes widening and a smile spreading across her face.  “Major Alenko!”  Rising, she saluted him before hurrying around the desk.  “Oh, thank goodness!” she murmured, glancing over her shoulder at the closed door to the office.  “We were beginning to think the worst when the _Normandy_ never reported in!”  
  
Though he wanted to explain what had happened, to ask after her and her brother and other members of Biotics Division, Kaidan’s eyes followed Shannon’s towards the door.  This had to be taken care of first.  “Is she ….”  
  
Shannon seemed to understand as she smiled warmly back at him.  “She is, sir.  Would you like me to -”    
  
Kaidan shook his head and immediately turned towards the door.  Now that he was here and she was almost within sight, nothing was going to stop him.  “Let me surprise her,” he returned, stepping through the doorway.

* * *

  
  
Shepard stood out on the balcony, a cup of tea cradled between her hands.  The morning was cool, but the warmth of the drink she held seeped into her hands through the ceramic of the mug.  Despite Shannon’s protests regarding the lack of security if she remained out here, Shepard refused to be intimidated into changing her work routine because of a group of thugs.  After all, she’d taken down Reapers on her own, right?  Shepard was fairly certain that the group that had attacked them several weeks before were a leftover cell of Cerberus, their style of combat and tactics were quite similar, after all, though she was trying to be patient and reserve any official judgement until after Dr. Michel’s report on the one body that she had been given to examine.  It made planning defenses against further attack a bit more limited when a specific identity couldn’t be made, but at least they had some strong ideas from which to work.  
  
Shepard took a moment to sip at the drink, her thoughts drifting back to the day of the attack.  One attacker had entered via the balcony, the other from the main part of the building.  Security footage, they discovered later, had been tampered with and so it remained uncertain how either of them had managed to get onto the grounds in the first place.  In response, security patrols around headquarters had been increased in number and frequency.  Admiral Hackett had been livid to find out the shortcomings of what security was in place at that time, and had authorized numerous improvements.  One unexpected benefit to this near disaster, Shepard mused, was the firming up and strengthening of her relationship with the lieutenant.  Shepard believed that the two of them had come to a much better understanding about their current arrangement as a result.  Though Shannon had not quite admitted it openly, Shepard was fairly certain that the young woman was more than just a simple assistant.  Her skills the day of the attack were evidence enough of that.  Additionally, since that day, Shepard and the lieutenant had started frequenting the shooting range on a daily basis.  In line with that and with Admiral Hackett’s approval, Shepard now carried a pistol on her person at all times.  She vowed never to be caught unprepared or unarmed like that ever again.  
  
Sighing softly, Shepard took another sip of her tea.  She found her thoughts drifting towards Kaidan as they often did when she surveyed the view of the bay before her.  As she thought of him, she felt a soft smile play on her lips, feeling her worries ease up just a bit.  One of the things she missed most about him was the way in which he could help her relax.  He only had to be in the same room and she would feel any tensions ease up.  Half the time just something as simple as his smile would give her enough of a boost to get through whatever was troubling her at the moment.  It was more than just the sound of his voice or his physical presence nearby, though.  He understood her, connected with her on levels and in ways that the others didn’t.  He understood how she thought about things.  They had come so far together in this past year or so before the Citadel.     
  
She ignored the breeze as it played with the few loose strands of hair she’d tucked behind her ear earlier, allowing it to fly about and tickle her cheek.  Instead, she closed her eyes and allowed her thoughts to focus solely on him.  She desperately wished she’d hear something from him.  About him.  Admiral Hackett’s insistence that the _Normandy_ had survived having finally taken root, she adamantly refused to believe he was dead.  After all, was she not proof herself of the inaccuracy of such reports without firm evidence?  And it wasn’t just Kaidan she was concerned about, either.  She had heard nothing from or about Liara, Garrus, Tali, Joker … all of _her_ crew.  For in her mind, the _Normandy_ would always be her ship.  Someday, she intended to prove that to Admiral Hackett as well, and find her way back home. More of a smile pulled at her lips then.   _See if you put me on desk duty again, Admiral!_ she mused in silent amusement.  
  
Her concentration was broken briefly as she heard the door to the office open behind her, but she did not turn as she allowed her thoughts to drift a bit more.  It did not take more than a few seconds, however, for her to realize that something was not quite right, her focus now suddenly pulled to the situation currently surrounding her.  She heard quiet footsteps moving throughout her office, just loud enough for her to catch.  When the person did not identify themselves upon entry though, a habit that Shannon had taken to.  Since the attack on the office two weeks before, this was particularly true if Shepard was out of view of the doorway when the lieutenant entered.  Stiffening slightly, Shepard felt a jolt of adrenaline surge through through her system.  Instinct had one hand reaching for her pistol as she considered her options.  Shannon would have, without any doubt or hesitation, identified herself by now, so Shepard was certain this was not her.  No one else was allowed entry inside unless they managed to convince the lieutenant to let them in.  In such a case, the lieutenant would announce the visitor before they entered.  And yet, no identification whatsoever had been given this time.  The only logical conclusion that came to Shepard’s mind just then was the idea that somehow, some way, the Shannon had been incapacitated.  Shepard’s grip on the pistol tightened just a bit more.  
  
The steps were closer now, and Shepard was preparing herself for the confrontation.  Cup in left hand, the liquid still hot enough to at least burn for a moment or two if thrown in the face, and pistol securely in the right, she altered her stance just enough to react defensively.   _If Shannon is down, I’ll find a way through_ , she reasoned, wishing she had her armor as the tactical cloak she often used while on missions.  It would have been perfect cover for her movements.  She made a quick mental note to check into that for future use.  She also considered using her omni-tool to call Admiral Hackett or the security office or even Kahlee Sanders, if necessary, though to do so would signal to the person behind her that she was onto them.  Eyes half closed, all focus on the footsteps approaching, Shepard attempted to time her shift just right so that -  
  
“Shepard?”  
  
Shepard’s breath caught in her throat, eyes flying open as recognition of this particular resonant baritone was instantaneous.  All thoughts of what she’d been about to do fled, cup and pistol falling from now nerveless fingers.  Slowly, she turned, searching to find the proof that _this_ time the voice had been real and not just imagined.  And there, not five strides away from her in the middle of the doorway he stood.  “Kaidan.”  The stunned surprise in her tone was evident even to her own ears, and as she took a couple of halting steps towards him, she noted he did the same.  But it was he who closed the distance between them first, meeting her quickly, and for the longest moment she could only stare up at him, her eyes drinking in his presence.  She felt his arms slide around her, holding her close, tightening around her to leave no doubt that he was indeed very real.  Finally lifting a hand, she allowed her fingertips to run across his face, tracing his jawline, feeling the rough scratchiness against calloused fingers.  “My God,” she breathed in wonder, “you’re really -”  
  
He didn’t allow her to finish, leaning in just enough to silence her with an almost desperate yet very thorough kiss.  Shepard met it with one of her own, holding nothing back from the contact.  Words were not necessary just now.  When finally he lifted his head, instinct had Shepard leaning upwards, their foreheads touching for a long moment, their eyes locked in silent communication.  She held the look as his hand reached up, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, moving to trace some of the new scars on her face.  Shepard did not flinch away, instead leaning into his touch.  He knew her for who she was.  No scars or other marks would change that for him.  Sighing softly in contentment, she murmured his name again.

* * *

  
  
Knowing her as well as he did, Kaidan recognized the signals that Shepard was sending just before she called out his name in recognition.  For some reason, she had been preparing for an attack.  Rather than have to face her across the barrell of a gun for a second time in his life, the memories of the same at the Citadel nearly a year before still fresh enough in his mind, he called out to her instead.  Her reaction was all that he could have hoped for and more.  Watching the comprehension in her eyes as she realized it was him, hearing the way she said his name - the surprise and hope and joy in it - all was reinforcement that things had not changed between them since the last time they had been together.  The fact that she willingly met him and held him just as tightly as he held her also helped.    
  
Now, as he surveyed the face before him, he began noticing the little things, subtle changes from the last time he had seen her.  A new scar creasing her brow over her left eye, still slightly pink and advertising is newness.  Another mark along her right cheek, as if something sharp had caught the skin there and torn raggedly.  Her hair, in it’s usual bindings, yet with some loose strands framing her face and giving it an added softness he didn’t recall from before.  Leaning over, he kissed her again.  “I don’t think,” he finally told her when he thought he could manage speaking without his voice cracking, “that until right now I realized just how badly I was hoping you had survived.  Shepard -”  
  
But she cut him off by placing her fingertips over his lips.  “I told you,” she whispered hoarsely, her voice trembling just a bit as it had that day in London, “that I would be here … waiting for you.”  She gave him a shaky smile before moving her fingers along his cheek.  “Took you long enough to get here, major!”  
  
Kaidan groaned and pulled her close again, savoring the feel of her in his arms, the emptiness that now was filled.  “Yeah,” he agreed, “about that ….”  But whatever he’d been about to say trailed off.  From the first, as he’d pulled her close, he’d identified a slight, well, awkwardness between them.  It wasn’t an emotional distance this time like it had been on Horizon and afterwards, but rather a physical one and he’d not been able to put a name to it.  Until now.  As he stood there holding her, one arm around her shoulders to keep her from pulling away, the other trailing down her arm to lift it so he could kiss her palm, a move he’d only ever used with her and one that he knew she enjoyed, he finally placed what the difference was.  Eyes lowering, he began to take note of additional changes since he’d last seen her.  Changes he’d missed the first time when he’d simply been drinking in the sight of her, alive and whole and standing there before him, living and breathing.  It took him a moment, but Kaidan slowly returned his gaze to meet hers, swallowing tightly as he ventured in what he hoped was a light tone, “So … uh, getting a bit … soft around the edges while I was gone, hmm?”  Shepard had told him months before how Anderson had teased her about that during her the six months she’d been relieved of duty before the Reaper War.  
  
Kaidan watched as her cheeks reddened just a bit, her head ducking away from his almost immediately, but he reacted quickly.  Lifting a hand, he put light pressure beneath her chin in an effort to convince her to not look away.  She struggled against his touch for the briefest of moments, but when he kept the pressure there, she gave in and did as he asked, her blue eyes rising once more to meet his.  “Kaidan, I -”  
  
“Don’t,” he insisted quietly, leaning in to kiss her forehead, arms tightening around her more protectively now.  “You don’t have to explain.  I’m … I’m not upset or anything,” he struggled for the words he wanted then, “just … surprised, I guess.”  Now it was his turn to redden just a bit.  “This just … Shepard, it never even occurred to me as even being a possibility.”  It was a weak excuse, he knew that, but it was the truth.  Probably because of the constant danger they had been in at the time.  Certainly because they’d never thought any further ahead than surviving the next mission.  Outside of that, all he’d focused on was being with her, making up for lost time, showing her how much he cared for her, just loving her while they’d had the chance to do so while quietly accepting the fact that either one or both of them could die at any given time.  

* * *

  
  
Shepard wanted to laugh when he joked with her about becoming soft, but she didn’t because she was afraid it would turn into hysteria.  And while she wasn’t ashamed to be carrying his child, she did feel a bit of embarrassment that this was the manner in which he had to find out about it.  Not that she’d given much thought about how she would tell him if given the chance.  “I didn’t think of it either,” she pointed out.  Instinct had her reaching out and taking his hand in hers before lowering it to rest over the slight swell that was their child.  “But afterwards, it was all I had left of you and ….”  Swallowing tightly, she looked up at him again.  “It hasn’t been easy,” she admitted quietly.  “There have been times along the way that I wondered if maybe I’d lost my mind in deciding to go through with this.  I mean, think about it - me?  A mother?  I’m a marine through and through.”  Sighing, she offered him a crooked smile.  “No N7 training or Council Spectre status or even fighting against the Reapers prepared me for anything like this, you know?”  She sighed softly, hoping he would understand.  “But then when I nearly lost the baby, I felt … well, I found myself terrified.  Afraid I’d done something wrong, blown my one chance.  Desperately wanting to make it right again.  I -”  She took a deep breath and tried again.  “I want this child, Kaidan.”  
  
He looked down at her then, her eyes searching his deeply as she gave him time to absorb all she was telling him.  “I’m glad you kept it,” he told her sincerely, his hand moving to cradle her cheek as he leaned in to kiss her again.  The contact offered reassurance.  But as he straightened, she saw him frown.  “Wait - what do you mean ‘nearly lost the baby?’”  
  
Shepard grimaced a bit, her hand moving to press lightly against his chest.  Of course he would have picked up on that.  “It’s a long story,” she murmured, “and I will tell you about it, I promise.  But the baby is fine.  I am fine.  I just ….”   Sighing again, she leaned over to rest her head against his shoulder.  Relief and reality were warring with each other and doing a number on her just then, leaving her feeling exhausted and vulnerable.  “I guess I’m just scared.  And that’s hard for me to admit, Kaidan.”  
  
His arm tightened more, a hand moving to the back of her head, pressing her close.  She felt a smile tilt at the corner of her lips.  She recognized the move, he’d done it numerous times when he’d held her before.  Reassurance.  Reminding her she wasn’t alone.  A silent promise of protection, even though most of the time they both knew that it was a moot point.  They were well trained soldiers.  Either one of them could protect the other just as easily.  But having missed that over the past few months, Shepard now pulled the feelings close and held onto them tightly, searing them into her memory.  Never would she take them for granted again.  
  
“I would have been here sooner, had I been able,” he murmured near her ear.  Shepard could only nod against his chest in response.  She didn’t blame him.  What had happened had been out of his control.  But ….  “At least now you don’t have to be alone.”  That comment made her smile in appreciation.  Glancing up at him then, she saw something flash behind his eyes just before he added quietly, “Unless you want to be.”  
  
“What?  No!” she protested instantly, squeezing his hand tight in her own.   _How can he think that?_ she wondered.  “Kaidan, I ….”  A sudden memory hit her then and she searched for a way to explain it so he would understand.  “Remember when you took me out for dinner on the Citadel?  Your ‘sanity check’ I think you called it?  For my birthday?”  She saw him nod.  Shifting so she could lift both hands to rest on his arms, she squeezed again, making certain he was listening to her.  “Remember how you told me what you wanted then?”  Again he nodded.  “You asked me what I wanted, and I told you.  I wanted us to be together then.  I still do.  Now.  Forever.  Us.  Not because of the baby, but because of _us_.  I’ve missed you, Kaidan.  There was an emptiness, like after Horizon only worse, and I kept hoping ….”  She paused to let her voice settle for a moment.  “Well, it’s been difficult at times, to say the least.  But you of all people know me best.  You understand me like no one else does.  When I’m with you, I feel complete.  Whole.  I want to be with you.  I want _that_ with you.”  She paused again, for just a heartbeat, and then tossed his own words back at him.  “What do you want?”  
  
He pulled her close, one hand sliding up into her hair and the other settling at her hip.  “I want that too,” he announced firmly.  “Until the end of time, remember?”  
  
Shepard sighed in relief, not that she had expected his feelings to change, but relief nonetheless.  They held onto each other in silence for a few long moments then, taking in all that had happened in the past few minutes.  Shepard had to admit that felt like a completely different person than she had been earlier that morning.  It probably shouldn’t have surprised her just what effect having him there with her, beside her, would make, but it did.  But this was one surprise she could accept quite easily.  
  
After a while, though, curiosity returned.  Tilting her head back up at him, Shepard asked, “Can you tell me what happened to the _Normandy_?  Where have you been?”    
  
Kaidan released his hold on her and took a step back before running a hand through his hair.  With a heavy sigh, he told her, “I’m still trying to figure that out, Shepard, but from what Joker told me we got caught mid-jump in the mass relay after your Crucible fired.”  He turned back to face her.  “We overshot the rendezvous point with the fleet and ended up crash landing somewhere.  Tyr, I think, in the Aasgard system.  We lost a few crew members along the way, but for the most part we were intact.”  Shepard watched him closely as he shook his head and gave a soft snort of disbelief.  “God love him, Joker managed to get us down without too much damage to the _Normandy_.  If I hadn’t already known what an exceptional pilot he was, I certainly would have after that trip.  Since then, well, we spent a couple months simply working on the basic repairs to get us space worthy again.”  His next look was apologetic.  “Unfortunately, our communications systems went down completely.  Made docking procedures today interesting, if nothing else.”  
  
Shepard blinked back her relief at his words.  And while she wanted to make a small quip in regards to his last comment, especially given how recent events at headquarters had probably tightened up security procedures, something else grabbed her attention first.   _Not many losses_.  Based off of her conversation with the Catalyst, Shepard was pretty certain she could make a good guess at who one of those losses had been, and she felt her gut clench just a bit at the thought.  “Kaidan … EDI?”  
  
The headshake told her enough.  “We lost EDI almost immediately, from what I understand.  That’s what made Joker’s flying so remarkable - he did it all by himself.”  
  
Shepard shuddered, turning away from him.  “I … The fault was mine,” she whispered, hands lifting to cover her cheeks.  Dear God, she would have to face Joker now, admit to him her role in the loss of the AI that he’d come to care so much about.  “The Catalyst … he told me, when advising me on the options I had available, that if I destroyed the Reapers I would destroy _all_ synthetic life.  He even,” she glanced over at him, felt her face pale just a bit, “told me that my life would be forfeit because of the synthetics Cerberus used to put me back together.  Why it wasn’t in the end, I don’t know.”  
  
She watched him approach once more, reaching out to pull her close again.  She heard him mumble something, but could not decipher it.  Instead, she lifted her head from his shoulder and glanced up.  Gesturing towards the sofa along the far wall, she asked, “Should we sit?  We’ve a lot to talk about.  Might be more comfortable over there.”

* * *

  
  
Kaidan kept an arm wrapped around her waist as he led her across the room to sit.  So much had happened in just a short time.  The admiral’s announcement that Shepard had survived and then having visual proof.  The realization that he would become a father in a few more months.  The knowledge that he could have and probably should have lost her that day, so easily and not even known it.  How much more could he take?  Seating himself, he guided her down beside him, holding her close.  “There’s so much I want to tell you,” he murmured near her ear, “and so much I want to hear from you.  I’m not even sure where to begin.”  
  
Shepard chuckled just a bit at his words and Kaidan frowned.  “What?” he asked.    
  
Reaching up, she ran a hand down his cheek again.  “Before you do anything else,” she told him while lifting her arm and pressing some buttons on her omni-tool, “you need to contact your mother.  Tell her you’re safe.  She’s been worried about you, Kaidan.  We both have.”  
  
She didn’t allow him the chance to hesitate, and within moments his mother’s familiar voice could be heard.  “Shepard, is that you?  How nice to hear from you!  Will you be visiting this weekend?”  As Shepard replied, Kaidan just listened to the voice.  He’d not actually spoken to his mother since before the Reapers attacked, relying on quick messages via second and third hand parties during the war.  To hear her voice now was almost like being in a dream, taking him back to a time when life had seemed much simpler.  And safer.  Shepard, though, seemed to understand this.  She remained beside him, her other arm wrapped around him as she spoke.  “Sadly, no, Katryn.  I won’t be able to get away just yet.  But I do have some news for you.”    
  
Kaidan glanced down to find Shepard glancing up at him then as she spoke, the look in her eyes encouraging him to take over.  Finding his voice, he managed, “Hey, mom.”  
  
For a brief moment he wondered if something had happened at her end of things as it became very silent.  But then he heard a soft sniffle and her shaky voice returning, “Kaidan!  You’re home?  You’re safe?  Oh my goodness!  I need to sit down!”  As she began rambling off at a rapid pace, Kaidan found himself smiling down at Shepard, rolling his eyes once or twice during the somewhat one-sided conversation that followed.  It had always been like this when his mother was startled by something: rapid fire questions and nonsensical ramblings until she found her balance once again.  It was her coping mechanism and he recognized it for what it was.  While he waited, periodically attempting to answer a question as he could maneuver a word in edgewise, he felt Shepard’s arm tighten around him, amusement dancing in her eyes as they both sat there.    
  
After a time, Katryn finally settled and the real questions began, some of which were more difficult to answer and deal with than others.  Kaidan had known his father was MIA during the war, but to hear how his mother had survived on her own afterwards was particularly difficult for him, though he could admit to a certain level of pride that she had done so well on her own.  Katryn then began relating the story of meeting Shepard, and Kaidan managed to hide the amusement he felt in seeing the woman beside him squirm just a bit.  To watch the tough as nails N7, survivor of Akuze and Council Spectre in such a position was a bit out of the ordinary, to say the least.  Kaidan realized he must have misjudged his reaction, however, when Shepard elbowed him in the ribs at one point during the discussion of Katryn trying to teach Shepard how to cook one of his favorite meals.   
  
As their call finally began to wind down, Kaidan assured Katryn, “We will come out to visit you soon, Mom.  I promise.”  
  
“See that you do,” she replied, the smile in her tone.  “Oh, and Kaidan?”  
  
“Yeah, mom?”  
  
“Welcome home, son.”  
  
The call finally completed, Kaidan sat back once more, his arms still around Shepard as he thought over the conversation.  His mother was alive and well having survived on her own, safe.  It had taken the sound of her voice, the conversation between them to lift the heavy weight of worry that he hadn’t realized was holding him down so much until then.  Kaidan knew his mother was tough - he’d witnessed her facing off against all sorts of things over the years.  But against Reapers?  Well, if not quite something he could visualize, at least it was something he didn’t have to worry about any longer.  And Kaidan found that he wasn’t surprised Shepard had gone out to meet her, either.  Thoughts drifting to the orchard for a short while, memories from his younger years flooding back for a time and with them, he felt almost overcome by a sense of healing.  Anderson’s quote in Shepard’s journal returned to him then as well.   _The past will always be yours._  He would have his memories of his father and the knowledge that, when the worst was happening all around him, he had protected his family as well as he could and done what he needed to do.  It was something Kaidan had always admired in his father, and he hoped that he would be able to measure up to the man some day.    


* * *

  
  
Several times during the conversation between Kaidan and Katryn, Shepard had started laughing not with amusement so much as delight at being able to reconnect the two.  She recalled all too clearly the times that she and Kaidan had spoken about his parents, seen and heard the concern in his tone as he worried about them after the Reapers had attacked Earth, empathized with him when he’d learned that his father had been listed as MIA.  Though she knew he would now have to deal with the reality that his father had been declared dead, she was very thankful she’d been able to give him the chance to speak with Katryn.  And as she had done in the past, she would be there for him to help him through with the rest.  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted when he squeezed her tight and asked, “So, I know we have a lot to talk about and all, Shepard, but I was wondering if maybe you’d want to go out and visit the _Normandy_ first?  See everyone there?”   He gave her a smile of encouragement.  “Everyone else was worried about you too.”  
  
Shepard was startled and, to be quite truthful, suddenly very nervous.  Pushing away from him, she sat up and began fidgeting with her hands.  She couldn’t put a reason to it other than the fact that she just _knew_ she would have a lot of questions to answer, and she wasn’t certain she had the answers yet to most of them.  As she looked over at Kaidan, however, Shepard felt herself calming just a bit.  She did miss her team - her _family_ \-  and she wanted to see them.  To know for herself that they were alive and well.  To hear their voices.  To talk with them about what had happened.  “Yes,” she finally managed, offering him a smile as she rose to her feet.  He followed suit, and keeping his arm around her they exited the office.  Shepard notified Shannon that she would be gone for the remainder of the day and was not surprised in the least when the lieutenant gave her a knowing grin, feeling a light heat rush to her cheeks as a result.  Shepard suspected that she might be on the receiving end of such looks for the foreseeable future.

* * *

  
  
It was a fluke, really, that Shepard’s departure was even noted by one of their own.  She’d only been in this wing of the building for an unscheduled meeting.  But as she was hurrying down the hall, the door to Shepard’s office had opened and she had seen two people exiting.  Surprise caught her as she recognized Shepard’s companion.  She had not yet heard that he was back.  Interesting.    
  
A quick glance at the time assured her she had a few minutes to spare before the meeting was to take place, and so she turned as casually as possible and began to follow after the pair.  Neither noticed her, they were too busy talking to each other to notice much going on around them.  And she wasn’t going to try anything anyway - that was up to those in charge to decide the when, where and such.  No, she was simply hoping to find out any bit of extra information that might keep her controller happy.  So far, it seemed as if the information she had been providing was doing its job, or at least keeping her cousin alive.  She’d spoken to him a few weeks before and was fairly certain that it had indeed been him.  Could it be possible that a little something extra might help her cause?  
  
Taking a chance, she made the assumption that the pair were leaving the building and took the elevator down to the lobby.  There, she caught up with them again before watching the pair exit through the main doors.  Crossing the room, she didn’t have to even leave the building to see that they were turning towards the docks.  Another interesting tidbit.  After her meeting, she would find a way to check the docking records to see if indeed the _Normandy_ had returned to port.  But in the meantime, she had this meeting to attend.  


	11. Reunion

  
  
  
  
Passing through security at the docks was surprisingly slow on the return, until Shepard stepped forward and cleared Kaidan through.  He thought to ask about it, but was quickly distracted as he noticed a slight hesitation in Shepard’s approach to the docking bay where the _Normandy_ sat.  Concerned, he offered, “You know, Shepard, we don’t have to do this today.  We can wait -”  
  
“No,” she insisted firmly, though it was more for herself than for him.  Putting it off would not change anything, right?  “It’s alright, Kaidan.  I’m just  ….”  She felt his arm tighten around her waist, his hand solidly at her hip.  She found it to be oddly reassuring.  “I guess I’m just … a little nervous.”  
  
Kaidan frowned.  “I’m not sure I understand,” he admitted.  “Why would you be nervous?”  
  
Shepard sighed.  How could she explain it?  “So much has happened,” she replied.  Sighing again, she stopped walking and turned towards him.  “You are their captain now, not me.”  
  
Kaidan shook his head.  “No.  That was temporary,” he told her.  “We all know who the rightful captain of the _Normandy_ is.”  
  
While the idea made her smile, Shepard felt the truth hit her squarely then.  “No, Kaidan, I’m not.”  Looking up at him, she tried again.  “I’m pretty much grounded with this new position on Hackett’s staff … and for other reasons.”  
  
Kaidan lifted his hands to her shoulders and squeezed lightly in reassurance there.  “I think we can talk you back onto the ship, you know,” he murmured.  “Now that the _Normandy_ is back, you don’t think Hackett will reassign you?”  
  
Shepard sighed again, stepping closer as he tightened his hold for a moment.  “He has plans for me,” she muttered.    
  
Kaidan chuckled, pulling her back to his side again as they began walking the rest of the distance to the ship.  “No doubt,” he replied.  “I think he might be picking up where Anderson left off.”  
  
Shepard groaned.  “I’m afraid you’re right!”  The off-hand remark was meant mostly as a joke, but behind it there was just the slightest hint of some other emotion.  It wasn’t fear per se, but more of a lingering trepidation.  Shepard had yet to explain to Kaidan what the admiral had told her the plans for her future contained so she realized he could not as of yet have a full understanding of her concerns in this regard.  Then again, based off of what Dr. Michel had been telling her from the moment she regained consciousness, it could just be that she was worrying over nothing as her hormones were thrown completely out of whack by her pregnancy.  At this point, Shepard wasn’t sure which would be the more accurate diagnosis for the situation.  
  
To keep herself from traveling further down that path and the inevitable heartburn that could result from it (both literally and figuratively), Shepard redirected the conversation to another topic.  According to Kaidan back at the office the only real casualty of this entire situation had been EDI.  But Shepard found herself wondering about her other friends, some of whose physiology had different needs than the majority of the crew on the ship.  But Kaidan reassured her that all was well, that both Garrus and Tali had survived easily enough thanks to Shepard’s forethought.  Shepard blushed a bit at that.  There had been times over the years when her crew had teased her about her planning for any contingency.  Perhaps the only one who had really understood was Dr. Chakwas who had to do something similar in her planning for what medical supplies to have on hand at any given time.  But plan ahead, Shepard had.  Call it an overinflated survival sense learned from experience, but ever since Mindoir, Shepard believed in being prepared for any possible contingency.  During the Reaper War, she had made certain when emergency food supplies were being stored away on the ship that some of them had been fit for dextro-based life forms.  Liara had teased Shepard that she had a bad case of ‘worrywartitis’ at the time, but Shepard had just kept silent.  She could live with that if it meant her crew was prepared.  
  
They arrived at the hatch a short time later and within moments, they were stepping on board the ship.  For the first time in months, despite the concerns she had voiced just moments before, Shepard felt as if she was truly arriving home.  Kaidan must have picked up on her reaction somehow, because his arm tightened around her for a moment before he released her, allowing her to step inside the ship on her own.  This was important for her and he understood that.  
  
Shepard glanced to her left, but found the door to the bridge closed.  Not wanting to face Joker just yet anyway, she accepted that and turned to her right instead.  With each step further into the _Normandy_ , she felt the fear and hesitation and nerves that had been dogging her trip over to the docks dissipate further.    
  
“Attention on deck!”  
  
The call to attention caught her off guard, though Shepard realized she shouldn’t have been.  To her right, she noted one of the marines on duty, standing at attention.  Before she could say anything, however, she heard murmurings and whispers drifting around the command center as people began to realize what was happening.  “As you were,” Shepard called out, giving the crew the chance to continue on with their duties.  Those who had not glanced over in her direction yet, she noted, now did with the return of a familiar voice, and every single face had a smile upon it.  Shepard could not help but return it.   _I am home._  
  
Kaidan now stepped just close enough to lean in and ask quietly, “Where would you like to go first?”  
  
“Honestly, is Javik around?”  After their last conversation together in London, Shepard found herself needing to speak with the prothean in person.  She had concerns for him but also found that she understood so much more because of her experiences.    
  
“Actually,” Kaidan replied, leading her around the communications display in the center of the room, “we stopped by Eden Prime on the way back to Earth and he asked to remain there.”  
  
Shepard could only glance up at him in surprise, anything she might want to say forgotten.  She felt a bit sad, having hoped to see the Prothean again before he might go off to fulfill the plans he’d told her about.  A moment later, though, her thoughts were interrupted by a startled gasp.  “Command - err, sorry,  Major Shepard!”  
  
Turning back, Shepard couldn’t stop a small smile in reaction to the startled expression on Samantha Traynor’s face.  “Traynor,” Shepard acknowledged.  “Good to see you.”  
  
“And you, ma’am!  Welcome aboard!”  
  
“Thanks.”  Shepard started to turn back towards Kaidan, to try to reply to his question again but the door to the war room opened and Shepard found another familiar face entering.  Reaching out a hand to touch Kaidan’s arm, she heard him chuckle softly as she stepped forward, the smile on her face widening further.  But honestly, she couldn’t help it.  “Tali ….”  
  
“Shepard!” Tali’s lilting voice rang out in surprise.    
  
Kaidan stepped back to watch in silence.  He wanted to talk with Shepard more about her initial hesitations, which seemed to have fallen to the wayside for the most part, but he was beginning to suspect that it might be awhile before that could happen.  Instead, he turned towards Traynor.  “What’s our status?” he enquired, having left instructions with the specialist for the communications systems to be looked into before anything else while he was gone.    
  
“Slowly but surely, major,” she told him, outlining for him in more detail what had been done so far and what still needed doing.  “From the sounds of it, we should be back up and running at one hundred percent in a couple of days.  But, at least we can get into direct contact with the docks now.”  
  
Kaidan chuckled again, reminders of the adventure that their approach had been returning to the forefront.  “By the way, Traynor,” he told her, “excellent job on the way in.  I hate to think what might have happened if you hadn’t been able to convince them we were who we said we were.”  
  
Samantha smiled back at him.  “Thank you, major.  Morse code always interested me,” she explained easily.  “I’m just thankful someone at the other end understood it as well!”  
  
Kaidan nodded his agreement before stepping away towards Tali and Shepard.  “Go on and find Liara,” Kaidan heard Tali saying a moment later.  He stepped over beside the pair, nodding a greeting to Tali who returned it.  “I think she’s down in her ‘office.’”  
  
Shepard laughed and nodded.  “Right.  I’ll do that.  Talk with you later, Tali.”  
  
Kaidan led the way over to the elevator that would take them to the deck below.  “All good so far?” he asked quietly.  
  
Shepard nodded, a slight tilt of a smile still playing at the corner of her lips.  “Yes,” she agreed, though even she knew she still had a ways to go yet.  They rode down in companionable silence, and Shepard held that close for added comfort.  They were back together, back aboard the _Normandy_ , and things were almost … right.  But these would be memories she would hold close and never take for granted, ever again.  
  
When they exited the elevator on the crew deck, Shepard turned immediately to her right thinking to head to Liara’s cabin.  But as she came around the wall of the elevator, she heard the strains of a very familiar rumble.  Kaidan nearly walked right into Shepard as she stopped suddenly, only avoiding her at the last second by taking a quick step to her left.  “You okay?” he asked.  
  
Shepard nodded.  “Yes.  Just … surprised.”  Though she was speaking directly to Kaidan, her eyes had found and met the turian’s and not a breath later she heard him calling her name.  Smile growing wider, she crossed the mess area to speak with him.  “Garrus.”  Eyes locked onto his face, Shepard wondered at the look she saw pass behind his blue eyes.  At the best of times, it was difficult to read a turian, that much she knew from personal experience.    
  
“Well,” he began, straightening just a bit and facing her, “I guess this is …”  
  
Shepard grinned recalling their last discussion before the battle in London.  “Just like old times?” she finished, echoing her reply from back then.  Both chuckled.  
  
Garrus took a moment to look her over, head tilting just a bit as he noticed the formal uniform and new rank insignia.  “I thought you were going to retire?” he commented dryly.  “Some place warm and tropical, as I recall.  Vid royalties and all that?”  
  
Shepard snickered softly.  Those had been his words, not hers.  “Nah,” she returned easily.  “Would’ve been too quiet without you around acting insubordinate all the time.”  He laughed, she noted, and as he did, she gave him a long look as well.  It was then that she noticed some of the new scars he had, some of which definitely looked serious.  From that last battle?  Unable to hide a slight shakiness in her tone, she murmured, “You going soft on me, Vakarian?”  
  
Garrus gave her a knowing look that on any race but a turian might pass for a smirk.  “It’s nothing,” he assured her.  
  
But Shepard knew better than that.  Glancing over at Kaidan, she commented, “Nothing, he says.”  Kaidan smiled at her, recognizing what she was attempting to do.  Turning back to face her friend, Shepard demanded lightly, “Who’re you trying to impress, Garrus?”  
  
“Impress?” he echoed disbelievingly.  “Who else is there to impress out there but you, the unsinkable Commander Shepard?  When you take down the Reapers single-handedly and survive to tell the tale … that puts you at the top of a very elite list of one.”  
  
It shouldn’t have surprised her, Shepard knew, but it did.  Their friendship had been based on mutual trust, admiration, with a heavy dose of competition thrown in just for the fun of it.  Now, as she looked up into his eyes, she saw a respect that she had always known was there, but the intensity of it told her so much more.  “Garrus -”  
  
His hands coming to rest on her shoulders, he turned her to face him directly.  “Don’t scare us like that again, Shepard,” he warned, his voice a bit deeper, a touch more emotional than she’d ever heard it before.    
  
Shepard blinked.  “Me?” she retorted, feeling a bit of her normal self returning just then.  “I wasn’t the one who disappeared without a word for five months!  If you’d all wanted to take the _Normandy_ for a joyride, all you had to do was give me the word, you know?” It was enough to get them and the other crew members who had come forward at the sound of her familiar voice laughing then.  Glancing around, Shepard recognized the familiar faces and smiled warmly in acknowledgement.  Again, she was struck by how good it felt to be home.  
  
“Shepard!”  
  
The voice that rang out this time was not unexpected given that the med bay windows were not shuttered at the moment.  Turning, Shepard offered her friend a smile.  “Dr. Chakwas,” she greeted warmly.  Immediately, Shepard noted that the doctor pulled out and began using her omni-tool to run scans, an occupational hazard that Shepard often teased her about.  “Is now really the time, doctor?” she asked, knowing full well what the woman would find in her results.  Apparently, her words were just in time as the doctor’s startled eyes flew up to meet Shepard’s.    
  
“Yes, of course you’re right, Shepard,” the doctor returned and her lack of use of rank with Shepard’s name indicated just how startled the woman actually was.    
  
And there, Shepard noticed, hobbling up right behind the doctor, was Joker.  Shepard had thought he was on the bridge, but apparently he’d been in the med bay.  “Joker,” she murmured quietly, a sad smile tilting at her lips.  
  
“Command -” he began, but Shepard waved him off.  This was going to be difficult enough as it was.  Particularly with everyone who was now standing around them.  “Shepard,” he finally settled on, giving her a nod.  
  
Stepping forward, she spoke in a soft voice, “Thank you.”    
  
Joker seemed startled by this, as if he didn’t expect such a thing.  “For what?” he asked, incredulity and confusion marking his tone.  
  
“For making the tough call,” she replied.  “I know you didn’t want to leave.”  Admiral Hackett had made that clear enough.  The silence between them remained as it became clear that Joker wasn’t quite certain how to respond.  After another moment, Shepard added a bit more quietly, “I’m sorry.”  
  
Joker met her gaze then, and each held the other’s for a long moment.  Shepard could see him struggling with something, most likely what had happened to EDI, but there was nothing else she could think to say to him at that point.  It became clear after another minute or two that he didn’t have anything either.  All he managed then was, “As you say, Shepard,” before turning to hobble off towards the elevator.  Shepard assumed he was returning to the bridge.   
  
A hand at her shoulder then had her attention turning.  Glancing up, she found it was Kaidan and she took heart in the strength of his touch.  “Why don’t we go see Liara,” he suggested quietly.  Garrus, Shepard noted, was nodding, and Dr. Chakwas added, “I agree.  I can speak with you at a later time.”  
  
Allowing Kaidan to lead her away from the others, Shepard sighed.  She needed to have an in-depth discussion with Joker.  She knew it.  She suspected the pilot knew it too.  But now was not the time.  The door to Liara’s cabin opened a moment later, startling Shepard as she’d not been paying much attention as Kaidan knocked and asked for permission to enter.  Stepping inside, Shepard was pleased to see that some things had not changed.  Though some of the monitors were still dark as if not turned on, many of them were back up and running, the data feeds pouring their information across the screens.  To an untrained eye, it looked a jumbled, garbled mess, but Shepard had been around Liara and the Shadow Broker enough to recognize in a loose sense, if not the details, what was going on around her.  As for the woman herself ….  
  
Liara rose from her desk on the far side of the room and crossed to meet them halfway.  “Shepard,” she greeted, a huge sigh of relief in her tone.  “Thank the goddess you’re alive!”    
  
Shepard noted a quick look between the asari and Kaidan then, and had to wonder at it, but a moment later, she forgot all about it as Liara stepped closer and pulled Shepard into a hug of welcome.  Chuckling softly, Shepard returned the hug and teased lightly, “Was there ever any doubt?”  
  
As they took a step back from one another, a glimpse of Liara’s teasing nature broke free as she returned lightly, “Only in how long it would take before we saw one another again.  At least this time it wasn’t years.”  
  
Sighing, Shepard nodded.  “Agreed,” she replied.    
  
“And what is all this?” the asari continued while gesturing towards Shepard’s uniform.  Giving her friend a slightly arched look, she commented, “It looks as if the admiral has pulled you into his inner circle.”  
  
Shepard groaned.  “Don’t remind me … please!” she begged.  Attempting to change the topic, she gave Liara a more serious look.  “Are you well?  The last time I saw you ….”  Her eyes slid over to meet Kaidan’s afterwards.  Both had been injured when last she had seen them.  When she had called the _Normandy_ to evacuate them from the battlefield.  Sending them off had been one of the most difficult choices she’d ever had to make.  
  
“I am fine,” Liara assured her quickly.  Having seen Shepard’s gaze travel between her and Kaidan, she added, “Dr. Chakwas was her usual, efficient self.”  
  
Shepard nodded, relief again washing over her.  This time it hit so quickly that she felt light headed.  Kaidan stepped closer when he realized something wasn’t quite right.  Sliding an arm around Shepard’s back, he glanced over at Liara and nodded towards the asari’s bed.  Liara reacted immediately, moving to Shepard’s other side as they both escorted her to sit.  “Shepard, are you ill?” she asked, wondering if perhaps the doctor should be sent for.  
  
Taking a seat, Shepard shook her head, and instantly realized that was a mistake.  The room began to spin around her even more with that movement.  “No,” she muttered, leaning forward to rest her arms against her knees.  “Just a bit … dizzy.”  
  
Liara sat beside Shepard then, glancing over at Kaidan a moment later.  “Should we send for the doctor?”  
  
But Shepard was quick.  Reaching out, and with more strength than they might have thought she had at that point, her hand wrapped tightly around Kaidan’s wrist.  “No.  It’s okay.  I’ll be fine in a moment.”    
  
Kaidan knelt before her then, a hand lifting to tuck some of her hair behind an ear.  “Are you sure?  I mean, you are -”  
  
Shepard tilted her head towards him as she lifted her fingers to cover his lips.  Once she was certain he would remain silent, her hand slid down to cradle his cheek as she offered him a soft smile.   “I am fine,” she promised.  “I just need a moment is all.”  
  
“Hmmm.”   
  
The asari’s murmur caught Shepard’s attention quickly.  Recognizing the sound for what it was, Shepard turned her head to glance over at her friend.  “That doesn’t sound ominous at all, now does it?” she teased, feeling a bit better already.  Straightening, she noted that Liara was giving her the same sort of considering look that Garrus had given her in the mess.  Lifting a brow in response, she mused, “Oh boy?”  
  
Liara was startled for a moment, but she hid it well.  Though familiar with the human colloquialism, Shepard using it just now and in such a context had the truth suddenly jumping out in front of her.  Giving Kaidan a quick yet considering look, she turned back towards Shepard and returned easily, “Or girl, I suppose.  You tell me.”  
  
Shepard straightened, her eyes meeting Kaidan’s for a moment.  In this uniform, her condition was not so easily noticeable unless it was, like Kaidan had done back in her office, pressed against her.  The surprise must have shown in her face, though, because Liara quickly commented, “I’m a very good information broker, remember?”    
  
Kaidan chuckled.  “She has you there, Shepard,” he teased, his hand catching hers and squeezing lightly as it fell from his face.  “That she does,” Shepard admitted reluctantly but with a smile.    
  
Liara scooted to sit a bit closer to her friend then and leaned against her arm in a manner similar to when they had both shared her memories right before that last battle in London.  “I suppose this is one of those future secrets we agreed to share with each other?”    
  
Finally giving in to amusement, Shepard chuckled.  “It won’t be a secret for much longer,” she promised.  Lowering her hand, she smoothed the material just a bit until her bump became more obvious.  At nearly five months along, the child was finally beginning to make its presence more noticeable.  Glancing over at Kaidan, Shepard commented, “Shall we go down and see Cortez and Vega?”  
  
Liara sat back up.  “You should,” she advised.  “James will be leaving the ship soon.  He received a message that he was to report for N7 training.”  
  
Kaidan stood and pulled Shepard up beside him.  “Then we’d better get moving.”  
  
Liara followed them as far as the doorway.  Giving Shepard one last hug, she murmured, “We can talk more later.”  
  
Shepard smiled warmly.  “I will look forward to it,” she promised.    
  
As they walked towards the elevator, Shepard glanced up at Kaidan and asked quietly, “It’s not _that_ noticeable yet … is it?”  
  
Kaidan refrained from comment just then as a couple of crew members passed them, exiting the lift.  Pulling Shepard on board alongside him, he closed the door and selected their destination before turning to face her.  Lifting a hand to her face, he brushed her hair back and leaned in to press a light kiss to her cheek.  “Not yet, no,” he agreed, “especially to those who don’t know you as well as some of us.”  
  
Shepard’s eyes darted up to meet his, concern in the way he had phrased that last, but the elevator was coming to a halt at the shuttle bay and she had no time to press him further.  Instead, she stepped off first, a smile forming at her lips as she spotted both James Vega and Steve Cortez sorting out Vega’s gear.    
  
Apparently, someone had alerted them to her arrival as she saw Vega look up in their direction.  “Command-” he began, but he noticed the change and corrected himself before she could say a word.  “Major.”  Straightening, both men saluted her.    
  
Shepard rolled her eyes.  “Really, Vega?” she teased, coming to a halt near enough that she could take the hand he offered in friendship.  “After all we’ve been through?”  She followed suit with Cortez.   
  
“Alright, Lola,” Vega tossed back.  “Just figured I’d start practicing.  Old habits die hard, you know that.”  
  
Shepard snickered softly and flashed the N7 recruit a grin.  “They’ve been warned about your lack of deference,” she teased.  She found herself smiling as he chuckled.  She’d forgotten just how much she missed his banter.  “Think you’re ready for this?”  
  
Vega nodded emphatically as he continued loading his gear into a crate.  Some he was taking, some would remain behind.  “As ready as I’ll ever be,” he replied.  “And having had you as my training officer hopefully will count for something.”  
  
Shepard swallowed back a laugh.  “Mmhmm,” she managed.  Turning towards Cortez, she asked, “And how are you, Steve?  Last I heard from you your shuttle had gone down.  You okay?”  
  
Cortez nodded.  “A few bumps and bruises,” he admitted.  “Nothing lingering, though.  I think my pride was wounded more than my body.”  
  
Shepard’s smile returned.  “Well, your pride needs to remember it was going up against the Reapers,” she reminded him.  “If all it suffered were some bumps and bruises, I think you can safely say you came out the winner in that battle.”  
  
“Yes, ma’am,” he agreed.  
  
After speaking a bit more, Shepard and Kaidan finally broke away and returned to the elevator where they decided to head up to Shepard’s cabin for a time.  A few minutes later, as she entered the room, Shepard hesitated only the briefest of moments as she took in the familiar surroundings.    
  
Door closing behind them, Kaidan guided Shepard down the few steps to sit on the couch.  “All good?” he asked, pulling her to sit beside him.  
  
Shepard sighed softly and leaned against his shoulder, nodding.  “All good,” she agreed.   _Except maybe with Joker_ , she added silently.  But that would have to wait awhile, she supposed.  
  
Eyes drifting around the room, she noted a few changes, things that did not belong to her but she knew were his, a few things moved around to other places.  “Made yourself at home, did you?” she teased, tilting her head just a bit so she could see his face.  Was that a light blush she saw on his cheeks?  
  
Kaidan chuckled.  “The others suggested it,” he explained.  “As I recall, Garrus’ comment was along the lines of ‘you spend more time there than any of the rest of us.’”  
  
Shepard laughed and hugged him.  “Sounds like Garrus,” she murmured.    
  
Rising, Shepard began to prowl around the area slowly, re-familiarizing herself with things.  Kaidan watched from his position on the couch.  Shepard was about to rejoin him some time later when she caught sight of a familiar item on the nightstand beside the bed.  A small smile playing at her lips, she walked over and took it in hand before returning to sit with Kaidan.  “I see you found this,” she commented softly as she leaned against him, lifting the book between them.  “Did you read through it?”  
  
“I thought about it for a long time,” he admitted, reaching to take the book and her hand in his.  “At first, I didn’t want to invade your privacy by reading it.  But then I decided it might be the only thing I had left of you.”  
  
Shepard turned a bit more to face him.  Leaning up, she kissed him lightly on his lips before murmuring, “I’m glad you did.”  
  
Tossing the book onto the table before them, Kaidan turned and pulled her onto his lap.  Wrapping his arms around her, he reached up to run his fingertips over the new scars he’d noticed earlier that day, trace the shape of her cheek, run his fingers over her hair.  Part of him wanted to apologize for the way things had developed between them.  For not being there for her, for not trusting her when she needed him to.  But another part of him realized that they had moved well beyond that and to bring up the past would only hinder their present.  They had found a way to move beyond the past, there was no sense going back there.  Instead, he leaned into brush a light kiss against her temple.  “I am too,” he replied.  
  
They sat that way for a time, neither knowing just how long, until a knock sounded at the door to the cabin.  After a quick glance at Shepard and her nod of approval, Kaidan called out admittance.  Turning, they both found Samantha approaching, datapad in hand.  “Major, I -” she started, then realized that she needed to correct herself before confusion set in.  Offering a slightly embarrassed smile, she continued, “Major Alenko, sorry.  I’ve a message for you here from Alliance Command.  Nothing requiring immediate attention, but it does need a response.”  
  
Sighing softly, Shepard rose to her feet with Kaidan’s assistance.  As she stepped away from him, he took the message in hand.  “It’s alright, Traynor,” Shepard assured the specialist.  “I need to be leaving soon anyway.”  
  
That caught both Traynor’s and his attention.  “Hey, now,” Kaidan protested, setting the datapad aside as he quickly reached for her hand before she moved too far away, “you’re not leaving without me.”  
  
Shepard quirked a smile at him.  “I didn’t figure I would be,” she returned, her hand squeezing his reassuringly before gesturing him back to his duties.  Turning then towards Traynor, she added, “I do need a favor though, if you don’t mind.”  
  
Samantha nodded.  “Of course, major.  Name it.”  
  
“If you would, please gather everyone down in the mess.  I need to brief them on something before I do leave.  Is Vega still aboard?”  
  
Again, Samantha nodded.  “Yes, ma’am.  I’ll see to it right away.”  
  
Once Traynor had left the cabin, Shepard turned back to Kaidan.  “All good?”  
  
Rising, he nodded.  “Like Traynor said, nothing requiring immediate attention.  It can wait.”  Falling into step beside her as they left the cabin, he asked, “So, what’s this briefing about?”  
  
Shepard offered him a somewhat apologetic smile.  “Business, I’m afraid,” she admitted.    
  
“That sounds rather ominous,” he observed.  
  
Shepard sighed.  “I hope it’s just overreaction,” she replied, though more than just a little afraid that it wasn’t.  “But better safe than sorry, as the saying goes.”  
  
They arrived to find nearly everyone gathered.  As they waited on the last few arrivals, Shepard greeted those crew members she’d not yet re-connected with.  Those few who were on duty and could not come to the meeting were connected via intercom.  “Joker, you there?” Shepard checked before she began.  This was one message she wanted everyone clear on.  
  
“Aye aye, ma’am.”  
  
“Right then.”  Turning to face the group, Shepard began by repeating her earlier greeting.  “Now that you all have returned to Earth, I’m sure you’ll be anxious to go ashore and make contact with family and friends.”  She saw a few nods among the group.  “To that end, there is something I think you should be made aware of.”  That brought a few heads back to look at her.  “While the war is over and the recovery process is now well underway, you should all be aware that threats still exist.”  
  
Shepard began working her way around through the group as was her way when talking with them.  She liked to be in amongst them, seeing their reactions up close and in person whenever possible, no matter the size of the group.  “Almost three weeks ago,” she explained, “there was an armed attack on Alliance headquarters here in Vancouver.”  The collective gasp had her nodding once.  “The attack was directed at a specific target,” she continued.  “No one was harmed.”  That wasn’t really a lie … was it?  “But it did generate some security changes as a result.”  
  
“Who was it?”  
  
Shepard glanced over at the yeoman who had asked the question.  “We do not have a firm identification yet,” she admitted.  “However, there are some very clear indications that it could be the remnants of Cerberus or a group that is very much like them.”  
  
For a long moment, the room was silent, but that soon gave way to a cacophony of excited chatter.  Shepard, now on the far side of the mess from Kaidan, glanced over at him to gauge his reaction.  Unsurprisingly, she found his eyes seeking out hers and when they met they held for a long moment.  When the noise began dying down some, he raised his own and asked, “Who was the intended target?”  
  
Shepard did not hesitate as she replied, “I was.”  Another silence.  Finally breaking eye contact, she began looking around at the others once more, moving around the room once again.  “I don’t know if you’ve all heard, but the Illusive Man is dead.  He died that day on the Citadel, by his own hand.  Believe it or not, the man did have a conscience once he realized that the Reapers had indoctrinated him.”  There were some looks of disbelief, and certainly more than a few comments to that end, but Shepard let it pass.  “The theory we are working on at the moment is that whatever remnants there are of Cerberus have gone active and are after me in a fit of revenge.  The news broadcasts since the end of the war have not specified the Illusive Man’s exact cause of death, simply saying that he was there, as was I, and leaving it to the listener’s interpretation.”  
  
“Precisely what you might expect from them,” a male voice muttered, though Shepard did not see who had spoken.  “Exactly,” she agreed.  “The reason I am telling you this is twofold.  First and foremost, security at all Alliance locations has been increased.  Do not be surprised if you have to jump through more hoops than usual to leave base or enter a building.  Just bear with them, please.  In the end, it is for your own safety.”  Surprisingly, there was not much protest from the group and Shepard had to wonder if this was more because they simply were needing the break no matter what was involved or something else.  
  
“The other thing to be aware of,” she continued a moment later, “is that you could all become targets, too.”  When heads turned towards her, she nodded.  “At the time of the attack, I was the only ‘live’ target who was associated with the raids on Cerberus during the Reaper War,” she pointed out.  “Now that the _Normandy_ is back in port, she and her crew could become potential targets.”  And that thought scared Shepard more than any other, though she would be loathe to admit it aloud.   _Once their commander …._  
  
Taking a moment to look around at them each individually, Shepard gave them her final request.  “I know you will want to head into town.  You all certainly have earned your shore leave.  All I ask is that you be aware of your surroundings.  Go in pairs or larger groups if you can.  Be alert.  Stay smart.”    
  
Turning back to face her closest friends once more, she sighed softly, but she did smile.  “Alright, mother-henning done for today,” she announced.  There were a few chuckles to that, but all in all they seemed to take her announcement in stride.    
  
The area began to clear out, several of the crew members approaching Shepard to speak with her briefly as they seemed to move en masse towards the elevator.  She took the time to speak with them, her interest and concern for each of them the same as for any other member of her crew.  As the last of them left, Shepard heard a deep rumble behind her commenting, “Never a dull moment around you, is there Shepard?”  
  
She tossed Vega a grin.  “You think this is bad, you might want to rethink N7,” she teased.  Then more seriously, she added, “Good luck, James.  Keep me posted.  And watch your back.”  
  
He shook her hand first before offering her a smart salute.  “You bet, Lola.”  
  
Shepard noticed Garrus and Tali walking off together as she turned to face Liara.  “They’re still together?” she murmured to her friend, though a smile played at her lips at the thought.  
  
“So it would seem, despite Tali’s continued protests to the contrary,” Liara replied with a smile.  Demeanor turning more serious, she asked, “Are you alright?  It can’t have been easy facing off against Cerberus unexpectedly like that.”  
  
Startled by her friend’s insight, though she knew she shouldn’t be, Shepard could only stare at Liara for a long moment.  “I’m fine,” she finally restated, “though Shannon might argue that.”  
  
Liara frowned.  “Shannon?”  
  
“My assistant and, apparently, designated bodyguard,” Shepard explained.    
  
“Hmm.  And you think it’s Cerberus who is behind this?”  
  
Shepard hesitated.  She really was not wanting to get into too much detail about the attack just yet.  Another couple of weeks, and the full results of the investigation would be in.  However ….  “If I had to compare it to anything, I would have to choose Cerberus.  I’m not sure I can explain it, Liara.”  Her eyes drifted over to meet Kaidan’s as he joined them.    
  
The asari nodded.  “That’s alright, Shepard,” she returned.  “As soon as I’ve finished re-establishing my data feeds, I will see what I can find out for you.  We’ll find you an answer soon enough.”  
  
A moment later, Liara was heading back towards her cabin, leaving Shepard staring after her.  “Not ominous at all,” Kaidan commented wryly while moving beside her.   
  
Rolling her eyes, Shepard offered a somewhat dry smile.  “Not at all,” she replied before falling into step beside him as they started towards the elevator.  “All in all, a rather normal day aboard the _Normandy_ , don’t you think?”    
  



	12. Home Sweet Home

Shepard sat on the countertop nearby, a willing accomplice if he would but ask, but Kaidan had apparently decided he was going to prepare the meal all on his own.  Eyes rolling just a bit, a slight if somewhat over exaggerated sigh of exasperation passing her lips, he just chuckled and began searching the small room for the things he would need.  Most, he found on his own, though the few things he could not he did ask and Shepard teased him mercilessly by adopting her usual commanding presence as she directed him.  This he rewarded her for afterwards, but what began with tickles and squeals of laughter (she was too ticklish by far, but the resulting smile on his face made it worth every moment of agony) evolved into heated touches and kisses.  Though a delight to have that part of their relationship returning so easily, a sort of grounding element in a world that seemed to have shifted precariously out of balance with his sudden reappearance in her life, Shepard was thankful when Kaidan used the excuse of fixing their meal as an excuse to stop.  It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested by any means, just concerned due to her current condition and some of the recent issues that had evolved out of the attack at the office, issues that she still had to discuss with him.  
  
Though Kaidan outwardly appeared oblivious to the concerns she kept to herself, Shepard suspected that he had picked up on it.  He’d already been retreating as she’d brought her hands up to push him away at the time, making some joke about their meal not making itself.  He did lift her back up onto the countertop, though, which Shepard could not help but find amusing.  “You do realize,” she teased as he gave her a sharp side glance to keep her in place, “there is a perfectly good and, I might add, comfortable chair right over there?”  She lifted a hand to point at the barstool positioned less than three feet away and on the other side of the counter.   
  
“You’re fine where you are,” he insisted, reaching for a knife, the cutting board and several vegetables as he set up a workspace on the countertop right next to her.  
  
Shepard sighed again, releasing a puff of air from her lips to blow some of her loose hair away from her eyes.  “I am in the way here,” she pointed out.    
  
“Not from where I’m standing,” he returned.    
  
She made some non-committal type of noise before offering, “You know, if you let me sit over there, I can help you.”  
  
Kaidan’s chuckle was warm and reassuring.  “Give me a break, Shepard.  I’ve been thinking about doing something like this for a while now,” he explained, expertly slicing an onion in half, peeling it and then dicing it up in small pieces before sliding it into the pan on the stovetop and adding a bit of oil.  He glanced over at her quickly.  “For you, and not because I was marooned for several months on some strange planet.”  
  
Shepard could not hold back a smile at the thought that he’d wanted to cook for her.  It was a sweet idea, and certainly one that sounded intriguing.  Though her mother and grandmother had taught her the basics of cooking years before, Shepard had not pursued it much after leaving Mindoir.  Not so much because of the memories associated with the experiences, but rather due to the changes in her situation and lifestyle.  There really had been no need for it when there was someone in the mess preparing their meals for them.  “I’m guessing your mother taught you?” she asked after snatching a bit of carrot to chew on.    
  
Kaidan nodded, smacking the top of her hand lightly as she reached for another piece.  Her yelp was half mixed with a laugh as she retrieved her ‘injured’ limb.  “Yeah.  After Jump Zero, when I went back home.  I think mom found it to be a way for us to … I don’t know, re-connect, maybe?”  
  
Shepard nodded.  That she could understand, especially after meeting Katryn.  Then, eyeing him again, she offered, “You realize, your mother has been helping me, too.”  Granted, it had only been a time or two and certainly not a full meal, but nonetheless ….  
  
“Yeah.  Not happening, Shepard,” he returned, pausing in his motions so he could step over in front of her, leaning in until they were face to face, nose to nose.  Seated as she was on the countertop, her height matched his almost perfectly.  Swallowing past a growing tightness in her throat, Shepard kept her eyes on his, dropping only at the last moment to his lips right before he closed the distance between them.  It was a quick hit and run before he returned to his meal preparations, and to be honest she was too stunned by the maneuver to really notice his departure immediately.  By the time that she did, he was standing beside her again and she was struggling to catch her breath.  “Just sit there,” he ordered with a lazy half smile, “relax and look beautiful.  That’s how you can help me best at the moment.”  
  
Apparently, he could keep her silent with comments like that.  But while she might appear calm and collected outwardly, inside she was in emotional turmoil at his observation.  Oh, she figured he found her attractive for various reasons.  Hell, he’d hinted in the past at some of them, not the least being the ‘risky stunts’ she had pulled along the way during their fight against the Reapers.  But for him to tell her she was beautiful?  That was something new … something more permanent and invested.  Something that scared the hell out of her … sort of.  
  
Or perhaps she was reading too much into it.  After all, she’d spent the majority of the past three months or more wishing for him to be back, hadn’t she?  And she was glad he was safely returned, of that there was no doubt.  So where then, and why, did she even have any doubts?  
  
After a few minutes in which Kaidan continued chopping up vegetables and placing them into the pan, all of which was in companionable silence, she heard him starting to speak again.  It took her a moment to gather her scattered thoughts, and when she was finally able to focus, she realized he was commenting on the music that she had turned on earlier.  Drifting lazily through the apartment, it made for a calming influence for the emotional struggle Shepard now found herself in.  Apparently, doctors orders had been right in this case.  “I’m sorry,” she finally managed as her head cleared a bit and Shepard was able to focus once more.  “What was that?”  
  
Kaidan glanced over at her, his hands still stirring the ingredients in the pan.  “I was just asking about the music,” he clarified.  “You alright?”  
  
Shepard nodded, not surprised when he reached a hand over to catch hers, squeezing gently.  “Just a bit … distracted,” she returned, hoping the hesitation wouldn’t sound out of place.    
  
Kaidan’s brow lifted a bit.  “Oh really?”  
  
She grinned.  Taking the initiative this time, she lifted a hand so her finger could trace the line of his jaw lightly, smiling as she felt him shudder just a bit beneath her touch.  Apparently, she could still make him react too.  That was a comforting thought.  It was nice knowing she wasn’t alone in all this.  Voice dropping just a bit, she teased, “You can be an evil distraction, you know.”  
  
Kaidan chuckled.  “Can I now?”  He turned off the burner, setting the pan to the far side of the stove before taking a step closer to her.  “And here I thought I was just helping you relax.”  
  
Shepard’s snort of laughter was quickly muted as he kissed her again.  “That’s what the music was for,” she told him cheekily as he pulled back a moment later.  That seemed to catch his attention, she noted and watched as his eyes narrowed a bit in confusion.  “To help me relax,” she clarified.    
  
“Ah.  Well, whatever it is, I like it,” he admitted.  He paused, his head tilting just a bit as he listened.  It wasn’t anything he was familiar with, though he thought he could hear a bit of familiarity in the instruments being used.  It reminded him of some of the things his mother used to listen to when he’d been a child living at home.  The sort of music she’d play when he’d get one of his migraines.  Not too harsh, soft strains of violins and cellos, things like that.  
  
Shepard kept her eyes upon him, noting his sincerity.  “I do too, surprisingly,” she admitted.  “Shannon recommended this one, actually.”  Then with a wry pull of her face, she explained, “Dr. Michel made mention one morning at the office that I should listen to ‘soothing music.’  When I told her the sort of thing I usually listened to - you remember, like we’d hear at the clubs and such - well,” she chuckled here, “I thought the doctor was going to have a fit.  Shannon stepped in to smooth things over, I think.”  
  
Kaidan chuckled as he stepped back over to his preparations, transferring the cooked items into a baking dish.  He then moved to add the other ingredients.  Shepard chose to hop down then, thinking to actually go sit on the chair like she had proposed earlier, but Kaidan immediately turned towards her.  “Hey, where do you think you’re going?” he murmured while settling a hand around her waist and pulling her back.    
  
Shepard laughed.  “Kaidan, I’m in your way -”  
  
“Never.”  
  
Eyes glinting with amusement, they drifted up to meet his.  “That’s sweet,” she told him softly before challenging, “but have you ever sat on the counter for more than five minutes?  It’s rather uncomfortable.  Especially when pregnant.”  
  
Apparently he was willing to accept that reason, his hand releasing her after giving her a sound kiss first.  “Alright,” he agreed.  “But no further away than over there.”  This was accompanied with a gesture towards the stool she’d suggested earlier.  
  
Moving quickly before he could change his mind, Shepard slipped around the outer edge of the counter and sat.  It took her a moment to realize that he’d finished with his meal preparations and that he was now working on making her a cup of tea.  As he handed it over, she smiled.  “Thanks.”  Taking a careful sip, she realized he’d found one of her favorites, the flavor of cinnamon and spices dancing over her tongue as a result.  “So tell me,” she commented a moment later, setting the mug on the counter before her as she watched him, “what happened after you and Liara left the battle?”  It was something she had wondered about periodically since waking up in the hospital months later.  Had they been upset with her?  Were they okay now - physically?  Mentally?  She recalled seeing so much blood on both of them at the time, and Kaidan had been resistant to the idea of leaving her alone to fight even though he’d been hobbling off on an injured leg.  Liara had suggested that all was well, but ….  
  
Kaidan remained where he was with the counter between them as he leaned against it while drinking his own tea.  He paused for a moment to reflect back to that time.  “It wasn’t easy to watch you leave like that,” he admitted quietly.  “I’ll admit to being angry.”  
  
Shepard flinched slightly at his words.  “Kaidan, I’m sorry ….”  
  
His eyes met hers quickly.  “No,” he insisted.  “I wasn’t mad at you, just … frustrated, I guess.  I don’t know.  Angry that I couldn’t be there when you needed me.  And after what happened at Horizon the year before, well ….”  
  
Shepard searched his eyes for a long moment.  “To be honest?” she told him, “I’m glad you weren’t there, Kaidan.  What came next … well, it wasn’t good.”  Though she still had trouble remembering parts of it, she did recall enough to recognize that she was very glad none of the rest of her team had been there.  She suspected that had they been, many would not have walked away as she had, perhaps becoming victims at the hands of the Illusive Man like Anderson had or worse.  
  
“Yeah,” he agreed reluctantly, “I get that.”  Sighing softly, he took a drink.  “You have to realize, Shepard, once we were onboard, well, it was hard to figure out exactly what was happening down there.  Garrus and Tali went up to help in the CIC.  I think, actually, it was Garrus who convinced Joker it was time to leave, there at the end.”  
  
Shepard nodded.  That she could envision that all too easily.  Garrus had a natural leadership quality about him.  
  
“Liara and I were helped to the med bay by James and EDI.  It was EDI who kept us informed of what was happening, or at least as much as she could.  Just as we were reaching Dr. Chakwas, EDI relayed a broadcasted message from the ground forces telling us that no one had made it into the Conduit ….”  
  
Shepard winced, her eyes closing tightly as she recalled the moment just before that as Harbinger’s energy beam had hit nearby and sent her flying to the ground.  As she’d regained consciousness, she still wasn’t certain how much time had passed, she recalled seeing Harbinger leaving while hearing the voices of Alliance troops in her communicator as they’d bemoaned the fact that the troops had been completely wiped out.  That no one had made it to the Conduit.  It had been those words that had finally broken through the haze surrounding her and become her focus to get up and continue on.  “I remember,” she murmured.  
  
Moving, Kaidan leaned across the counter, his hand joining one of Shepard’s, fingers twining together.  “I didn’t want to believe it,” he told her.  “Couldn’t.”  Lifting her hand in his, he turned it so he could kiss the palm.  “If I had, well, it would have been admitting that I’d lost faith in you.  You’ve done some amazing things these past few years, Shepard.  How could I not believe that you’d find a way to survive, you know?  That and, well, I just - I couldn’t lose you again.”  
  
Shepard offered him a warm smile then, her hand still in his, pressed against his cheek now.  “I know,” she replied quietly.  “I’m so sorry -”  
  
“No,” he insisted, releasing her hand and leaning over until they were face to face, the only thing between them the steam rising from her cup of tea.  “You don’t need to apologize,  Shepard.  I might not have liked it, letting you go like that,” he told her sincerely, “but I understood it.  You needed to finish this.  You were the only one who could.  I can see that now.  I’m sorry if I made it rough on you with my reactions to it all.”  
  
Now it was Shepard’s turn to silence him.  Fingers resting over his mouth, she shook her head.  “You didn’t,” she replied, “and by that point, Kaidan, I knew you well enough to realize the truth behind what you were saying.  It’s hard to watch someone you love go through things like that when all you can do is stand back and watch.”  She offered him a partial smile.  “I know it took me a long while to realize that, probably because of my past.  I’ve been known to be pretty -”  
  
“Stubborn?” he supplied, a knowing grin on his face.  
  
Shepard chuckled, feeling the weight of sorrow lifting from her shoulders.  “Independent,” she countered.  “I’ve been on my own since I was sixteen.  Survived things most people wouldn’t.  Hell, I’ve died and come back to life.”  Her smile became slightly lopsided as she recalled that incident.  “I’m not an easy person to love, you know.”  
  
The warmth of his smile was enough to reassure her that he disagreed with that statement.  “Can’t prove that by me,” he insisted.  
  
Her smile strengthened.  “You’re biased, major,” she teased.    
  
“Maybe,” he acknowledged reluctantly.  “But only a little bit.”  
  
Laughing, Shepard stood and reached for her tea.  She led the way over to the sofa in the adjoining living area, taking a seat and watching him follow.  They had time while the meal cooked, they might as well be comfortable.  Scooting closer to him once he was seated, she sighed softly and leaned over to rest her head against his shoulder.  She was not surprised when he turned and reached to pull her onto his lap, holding her closer.  And it felt so right, too.  
  
“You’ve heard me talk about what happened to us,” he murmured near her ear, “but you’ve not told me about your experiences.  Do you want to talk about it?  Do you even remember?”  
  
Shepard nodded, closing her eyes for a moment before she began speaking.  Where to begin?  “The last thing I remember was making the choice that would destroy the Reapers once and for all,” she explained quietly.  “There were other options available, but I couldn’t justify them.  This was the only way to ensure that the Reapers were no more, and could not in any way come back again to attack.”  She felt his hand come up to stroke her hair as she spoke, and she allowed the movement to soothe her worries; worries that had occasionally snuck up on her and tried to convince her she should have made a different decision.    
  
“You did what you had to do,” he reminded her.  “Anderson and Hackett both trusted you to make that decision.  So did the Council and the other races.  Whatever choice you made, Shepard, for whatever reasons, was the right one.”  
  
“Thank you.”  Her head resting against his chest now, she simply stayed that way for a long moment, finally feeling at peace regarding her choice.  “I don’t remember what happened next,” she finally continued a few minutes later, her voice still low and soft.  “The first thing I recall was waking up in the hospital … only to find that two months had gone by.”  She looked up at him again.  “But at least it wasn’t two years this time, right?” she quipped, hedging a small smile.  “From what I have been able to piece together, a team was sent to the Citadel to find me and bring me back here.  I don’t know if they were expecting to find me alive or dead, just that they were to bring back … something.  But they found me alive and evacuated me to Vancouver.  At that point, Dr. Michel and her team took over, placing me in a medical coma so my body could heal.”  
  
“Hmm.  She’s a good doc,” Kaidan acknowledged, his thoughts recollecting on how she had helped him in his recovery not more than a year before.  After a hesitation, he ventured quietly while tracing his hand up and down her arm, “A lot of damage?”  
  
She nodded.  “I guess?”  She glanced up at him and shrugged slightly.  “I was unconscious at the time.  Before the end, I remember … blood, cuts, bruises … trying to move and falling over because my legs wouldn’t work properly.  Pain beyond anything I’d ever experienced before ….”  Her voice trailed off as she thought back.  “But when I woke, the worst of it was gone.  Just enough aches and pains to remind me I was alive.”  Alright, it had been more than just aches and pains for a while, but Shepard was used to that by that point of her life.   
  
Kaidan wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her against his chest firmly.  The thought that he’d come so close to losing her again in a similar manner to the way he had after the loss of the _SSV Normandy_ left him feeling more than a bit apprehensive in that moment.  The added fact that he would have known nothing about it until now caused him to shudder.  
  
“And then,” she continued, a hint of amusement in her tone, “things became _very_ interesting.”  
  
Kaidan looked down at her.  “Oh?”  
  
Shepard met his look and nodded.  “I woke up and came face to face with the doctor.  That was probably the only thing to go well just then, too,” she added.  “She told me about my injuries, and I took that in stride, I guess.  I mean, you name it, I’ve probably survived it over the years, right?”  She saw him smirk but he nodded his agreement.  “Broken bones, gunshots, grenade fragments … the Prothean beacon.  But then … she dropped the bombshell.”    
  
He looked confused for a moment, but she saw his eyes change the minute he realized what she meant.  “The baby?”  
  
Shepard nodded slowly.  “And oh my God, Kaidan, I thought I really must have died and ended up … I don’t know where.  Talk about an unexpected surprise!”  
  
Kaidan could not refrain from chuckling.  He could imagine all too easily what her reaction had been.  Had he not felt the same sort of emotions the other day when they’d reunited?  “No running away though?  Tearing out of the hospital and running pell mell for someplace other than there?”  
  
Shepard shook her head while laughing softly.  “No, though I suppose Dr. Michel might have been prepared for that.  The good doctor was smart to tell me while my leg was still in a cast, my arm still connected to an IV, my body still rather weak from an enforced pharmacological coma.  I was ‘tied down’ so to speak, and couldn’t go anywhere.  As it was, it took me nearly a month to get up and moving out of that bed after I regained consciousness.”  
  
“You must have had a lot of time to think,” Kaidan observed.  As he spoke, he shifted his hands to lower around her waist, one hand coming to rest over their child.  While he had accepted this for the most part (it had been surprisingly easy to do, too), he found it was still somewhat shocking to think that in just a few months he would be a father.    
  
“I did,” she agreed, her own hands coming to rest over his.  She was surprised at how reassuring his touch was just then, indicating his acceptance of the situation.  It certainly was helping her feel more calm and at peace than she had been before his return.  “I think I may have sat there looking like a fish out of water, though.  I seem to recall the doctor laughing at my reaction.”  Her smile widened.  “Before I could really process it much, however, Admiral Hackett showed up and things became even … stranger.”  
  
Shepard paused then as the buzzer in the kitchen alerted them that the meal was ready, and she shifted so Kaidan could rise and take care of it.  She followed him back to the other room, setting places at the counter for them to eat, and it wasn’t until they were seated and enjoying the meal that their conversation continued.  “How do you mean, ‘stranger?’  You’ve fought Reapers face to face and won,” Kaidan reminded her.  “Hard to get stranger than that.”  
  
Shepard gave in to a soft chuckle before she responded.  “Everything is relative,” she pointed out.  “For starters, the admiral announced that I had been promoted.  That in itself wasn’t so bad, I suppose, though my immediate reaction was to think I’d lost the _Normandy_ because of it.”  She glanced over at Kaidan.  “I didn’t know then that she was missing, you see.”  He nodded.  “He also explained that along with the promotion I was to join his staff, to help with the rebuilding process for the Alliance.”  Setting her fork aside, she turned to face Kaidan directly.  “Me.  The one who took down the Reapers.  A desk job.  Tell me that’s not crazy, right?”  
  
Kaidan couldn’t hold back a laugh.  “On the other hand,” he countered gently, “who else would know _exactly_ what was needed out there, hmm?”  
  
Shepard’s eyes narrowed a bit in a playful, mockingly angry manner.  “Don’t you start too,” she threatened while reaching for her fork again.  He just gave her his best ‘who me?’ blank look in return.  Snorting softly, she took a bite of food before continuing.  “What I didn’t realize at the time was that he and the doctor had teamed up,” she explained.  “He knew that I was pregnant.  Dr. Michel, if I understand things right, convinced him that given the seriousness of my injuries, plus the fact that I was pregnant, it was necessary for me to be kept ‘out of the field,’ as she put it, and on ‘restricted duty.’”  Shepard sighed.  “I have a sneaky suspicion that there is more to it than that, though.”  Certainly if what the admiral had told her recently was any indication.  “I am becoming concerned that my days of ‘active’ duty are done with.”  
  
“Perhaps once you’ve had the baby he’ll change his mind?” Kaidan suggested.  “I mean, there’s no doubt that your skills are better utilized out on a mission compared to behind a desk.”  
  
Shepard half thought of telling him about the admiral’s plans for her, but then decided against it since she really had nothing other than the admiral’s word on it.  There would be time enough for that discussion to happen, and she would certainly need to be promoted at least another pay grade or two before she would be of an appropriate rank for the position … right?  “Maybe,” was all she would say to that for the moment.  
  
Their meal soon completed, Shepard rose to assist with the dishes, but Kaidan soon had her sitting back down again as he took over.  Frowning, Shepard crossed her arms, standing in the middle of the kitchen, her eyes shooting somewhat antagonistic daggers in his direction.  “You know, Kaidan, I am pregnant, not disabled,” she warned.  
  
But he didn’t seem to mind that her anger had been sparked.  “Enjoy it while you can,” he suggested with a grin tossed in her direction, apparently heedless of whatever her reaction might be.    
  
“Pfft.”  Turning, she crossed the room and sat back down on the sofa, reaching for a book to read while he cleaned up.  
   
But Kaidan apparently still wanted to talk, calling over to her, “So tell me how you met my mother.”  
  
Shepard had to laugh then.  How was it he could diffuse her moods so easily?  Or was it that her moods had more to do with her pregnancy now than anything?  The doctor had told her she would have mood swings on occasion.  At any rate, she explained to him how she had decided to go out and find Katryn one weekend, following yet another ‘ambush’ by the admiral and the doctor at work.  In the process, she detailed how she had thought she was presenting a non-military, non-threatening approach.  “I was in civvies, honest,” she told him, watching him cross the room to sit beside her now that the dishes were done and drying.  “But she apparently saw straight through me.”  
  
Kaidan laughed.  “Of course she did,” he countered.  “Dad was Alliance as well, remember.  Then me.  She was used to seeing us, in uniform and not.  And Shepard trust me, whether you are dressed in civilian clothing, fatigues or a dress uniform, there’s no missing your military bearing.  Mom probably knew from the moment she first saw you.”  
  
Shepard sighed, but she had to nod her agreement, especially now that she had gotten to know Katryn better since that first meeting.  “I suppose,” she allowed.  “And at least she wasn’t upset with me not having any information on your whereabouts.”  
  
“Nah,” he told her, draping an arm around her shoulders, “she wouldn’t do that.  She might not like the military at times for all the hoops it might put her through when trying to find out about me or something, but she understands the process.”  
  
Shepard nodded.  That, she had to agree upon.  “Your mother has been a Godsend, Kaidan,” she told him quietly.  “I honestly don’t know what I would have done had she not accepted my presence so easily.”  
  
Kaidan’s smile turned a bit sheepish.  “She might have known who you were,” he admitted, “or at least in terms of how important you were to me.  I did tell her about you, after all.”  
  
Shepard smiled and tilted her head to kiss his cheek lightly.  “I know,” she admitted.  “She told me as much.  But honestly ….”  Sighing, Shepard struggled for a way to explain herself.  “Kaidan, I know you know about my background … but until this,” she gestured towards her waistline, “I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation where having my mother around was as … important to me.   I think that’s part of why I decided to go see Katryn.  To let her know, at least, that she’d be a grandmother, but also to have someone - or so I hoped at the time - to talk with about it all.”  
  
Kaidan tightened his arm around her and leaned over to kiss her forehead.  “I’m glad you did, Shepard,” he told her quietly.  “Thank you for thinking about her, for checking on her.”  
  
Turning to face him more directly, Shepard slid her arms around his waist  “I should be thanking you,” she murmured quietly, brushing off his gratitude.  She would have visited Katryn regardless of whether or not she and Kaidan had been involved, and she suspected he knew this.  It was just the way she was as commander.  One of the many things she would do to go that extra step for her crew.    
  
“And why should you be doing that?” he challenged.  
  
“This was nice,” she explained, turning the subject.  “The meal, I mean.  I didn’t know you knew how to cook like that.”  She could admit that it had been something well beyond her own capabilities.  
  
Kaidan chuckled, his hands settling around her hips, pulling her more snugly against him.  “This is nothing compared to how I can -”  
  
As much as she would have liked to let him continue that thought, Shepard felt the ever present concerns that had been dogging her every step since the attack in her office.  She _had_ to think of the baby, had to do whatever it took to give the child a chance at survival.  She might have been a bit of a reluctant mother when she first found out about it, but the attack had proven to her just how much she did want this child.  And deep down, she thought Kaidan would understand that.  “Kaidan -”   
  
His hands moved to take hers in his, lifting one up to hold against his cheek.  “Relax, Shepard,” he advised gently before shifting so he could lift her into his arms.  Then rising to his feet, he turned towards the bedroom.  “All I want to do right now is lie in bed with you in my arms.  I’ve missed sharing that simple closeness with you.”  
  
Sighing softly, Shepard rested her head on his shoulder.  “That we can do,” she agreed.  He did understand, and it was one of the many things she loved about him and had missed over these past five months.  As for the rest of it … that could come later.


	13. Narrow Escape

  
  
“Now that you’ve had some time to re-acclimate yourself, major, I thought it might be a good time to bring you up to speed with what’s been happening during your absence.”  
  
As the admiral spoke, Shepard sat back and silently took in her surroundings.  If there was one thing she disliked about Admiral Hackett’s office it was the lack of access overlooking English Bay.  Two floors up from her own suite and on the opposite side of the building, his office sported large paned windows where Shepard’s office had a door and a balcony.  Though the windows gave the office the illusion of being larger, Shepard still felt caged in.  Almost to the point of feeling the hairs on the backs of her arms rising.  Not to mention the memories it brought back of the day she’d been called before the Defense Committee and the Reapers had attacked.  It took a great deal of effort on her part to suppress the urge to shudder at _that_ memory.  
  
“I’m ready for whatever orders you have for me, admiral.”  
  
Kaidan’s ready reply broke into her thoughts and had Shepard rolling her eyes, but at least it was a distraction from the direction her thoughts had been taking just moments before.  “You might want to be careful with how eager you sound,” she commented dryly and in a tone intentionally loud enough for the admiral to overhear.  “You haven’t heard what he has planned for me yet.”  Shepard met Kaidan’s curious side glance with a look of her own, brow lifted slightly as if to say, _You think I’m kidding?  You know me better than that by now._  
  
The admiral chuckled softly for a moment, but otherwise his amusement was kept well hidden.  “As long as you’re not attempting to turn in your resignation,” he told Kaidan while glancing pointedly at Shepard, “I think you will have no concerns with your assignment, major.”  
  
Shepard sniffed lightly.  She and Garrus might have joked about retiring after the battle in London, but when it came down to it, even after all she had been through, when the opportunity had arisen and she had tried to do just that the admiral had flat out refused to accept it.  He had ignored it, bringing her onto his personal staff and giving her a promotion instead.  And _then_ he had begun making plans for her future.   _Or did that happen before?_ she found herself wondering.  
  
“Major Alenko, you are hereby officially given command of the _Normandy_ ,” the admiral continued then, his words causing Shepard’s breath to catch in her throat.  Memories of her last meeting with Jacob, before the end of the Reaper War, haunted her in that moment.  At the time, he had commented that Shepard’s first commitment and love would always be the _Normandy_.  While she had not openly reacted to his words, she had seen the truth in them … to a point.  But now that command of the ship was being taken away from her, _her ship_ , she wondered if perhaps she hadn’t given her friend enough credit for his insight at the time ….  
  
“Additionally, I think it’s both safe and prudent to assume that you and Shepard,” she turned her attention back towards the admiral at the mention of her name, “will retain your Spectre status until otherwise noted by the Council.”  
  
Shepard nodded at this announcement, but remained silent and speechless.  She was still in a state of shock.  Her ship, and she would always think of the _Normandy_ as hers, was being taken from her and given to someone else.  Granted, she had no problems with Kaidan taking command, after all he’d certainly earned the right to command, but still … it was _her_ ship!  Her home, her family, everything she was revolved around the ship and its crew!  
  
“For the moment, the _Normandy_ will remain in port until all repairs are complete, and that includes any of the necessary retrofits from the last time she was docked.”   _Well,_ Shepard mused silently, _that should give me some time to visit whenever I want at least …._  She could sneak down for a ‘surprise inspection’ or with the intention to check on other ships in drydock, perhaps.  Hell, she might even be able to ….  
  
“When General Shepard is in need of the _Normandy_ for a mission, major, I’m sure you and your crew won’t mind serving as her flagship for the duration?”  
  
Shepard felt the world around her suddenly skid to a halt right before her eyes.  Breathing in sharply, she leaned forward in her seat, eyes darting up to meet the admiral’s.  “Sir?”  She paled just a bit and it was suddenly difficult for her to catch her breath.  And … had her voice just squeaked?  
  
“I told you we had plans for you, Shepard,” was the mild-toned response.  
  
“But … but you said you’d give me time!” she protested, rising quickly to her feet.  As if on autopilot, her mind as distracted as it was by his news, she began pacing around the room and ended up in front of the windows she’d only moments before decided she despised.  “I’m … I’m not ready for this!”  She chanced a slightly unnerved glance over at Kaidan who looked thoroughly confused.  She couldn’t blame him, really.  She hadn’t even had time to tell him of those plans yet.  She could only imagine what he was thinking in that moment.  She was going to have to do quite a bit of explaining this evening it seemed.  
  
“You still have time,” Hackett informed her calmly.  “But you’ve earned this promotion, Shepard.”  
  
 _But I don’t want it!_ a voice in the back of her head screamed silently.   _I’m a field commander!_ Shepard groaned and covered her face with her hands.  “I wasn’t even used to being addressed as ‘major’ yet!”  As protests went, it was a weak one, yet it was the only one she could give voice to just then.  
  
“We live in very interesting times,” the admiral observed.    
  
Shepard snorted.  “Yeah.   _That’s_ an understatement.”  
  
The admiral continued as if she hadn’t interrupted him.  “And you, better than anyone else perhaps, understands that in terms of our rebuilding process.”  
  
Shepard stared down at her hands in her lap, fingers twisting and twining together.  They had lost good people at all levels during the war.  Foot soldiers, officers and everything inbetween.  But it didn’t change the fact that she knew she was better suited to being out in the field than behind a desk.  
  
“Think of it as a formality, Shepard,” the admiral added when her head began shaking back and forth in silent protest.  “Now you have a rank that fits your reputation.  And, if it helps you continue to get the job done ….”  
  
Shepard sighed, her shoulders sagging just a bit in defeat.   _But I want to be out there!_ her heart screamed.  “As you say, sir,” she reluctantly replied.  With each promotion, she could feel herself being pulled further and further away from where she knew she belonged.  But, what could she do?  

* * *

  
  
The call for him to meet with the admiral concerning his future had not caught Kaidan completely off guard.  He’d half been expecting it ever since the return of the _Normandy_ to Earth the week before.  What _had_ surprised him somewhat was when the admiral had asked Shepard to join them.  This was only the smallest of surprises though, as Kaidan knew the two had a fairly strong relationship as evidenced during the Reaper War.    
  
With the chain of command in complete disarray after the initial Reaper invasion, as the dust started settling, it became clear that Hackett was the most senior surviving admiral.  Between Hacket and Anderson, the two admirals had led the three-front war effort as best they could.  And it had worked.  But most people knew, even the admiral had admitted it, that it had been Shepard who had led them to victory.  Out in the field.  Making the tough calls.  Locating the resources and equipment they had needed.  Fighting on the battlefield and in the conference room.  And Kaidan and the others who had assisted Shepard in this process had made certain that the high command did not forget this.  
  
Plus, there was always the increasingly obvious fact to anyone who bothered to look that whatever the future had in store for Kaidan would inevitably involve Shepard, and vice versa.    
  
But at this moment, Kaidan had to admit he was a little bit … confused by Shepard’s somewhat panicked response to the admiral’s words.  It was clear that the relationship between the admiral and Shepard was just as strong as ever, but why was she so adamantly refusing that she was ‘ready?’  She was ever the confident, self-assured commander.  He would have thought that if anything, her experiences during the Reaper War and the years leading up to it would have prepared her for almost anything no matter what challenges fell her way.  Therein lay part of it, he supposed, realizing that he was out of the loop due to the _Normandy_ ’s extended absence.  However, he had caught onto the bit about Shepard being promoted.  Again.  His confusion lay in the ‘whys’.  Why was she protesting this?  It was well deserved, she should know that.    
  
On the other hand, in the week since his return how much of their time together had he and Shepard spent sorting out the confusing nature of their current relationship?  Other than to reassure the other they wanted to be together, they’d not discussed any sort of future.  Falling into familiar patterns, they’d spent most of their time like they used to do - just being together, enjoying the fact that they had survived,  talking about some things but usually those that were minor by comparison to the overwhelming hugeness of ‘what comes next.’  Perhaps it was just a way they could mentally and emotionally catch their breath now that the danger and uncertainty of the war had passed.  The big decisions could come later, after the shock and newness and realization that they had _survived_ had settled more securely around them.  Right?  
  
So as they both remained in conference with the admiral, discussions (at least career-wise) of what came next going on around them, Kaidan made a mental note to make some time for him and Shepard to sit down and really _talk_.  Hopefully, whatever came out of today’s meeting would give them some sort of framework to build around.  And if it didn’t, well, they would find a way.  

* * *

  
  
As the conversation shifted gears and turned more towards the current status of the rest of the crew of the _Normandy_ , Hackett allowed himself a moment to sit back and simply observe the pair before him, but more specifically his newest general.    
  
When Anderson had approached Hackett all those years ago about the young woman who had been rescued from Mindoir, one of few survivors of a batarian slaver raid that had killed friends of theirs as they’d tried to assist the colony, Hackett - who had just been promoted to Captain at the time - had silently wondered at Anderson’s reasoning, but he had not refused the man.  By that point in time, Hackett and Anderson had known each other for a few years and become good friends.  The naval officer was well aware of some of the marine’s more quirky traits.  On the other hand, there hadn’t been anyone he would have trusted half as much to have his back on a mission or on shore leave together either.  Their relationship was one built out of general acceptance and mutual trust that had done nothing but strengthen over the years of their friendship.  It had come as no surprise to Hackett when Anderson had approached him about Shepard that first time either.  Based off of what he had known from naval reports as well as his friend’s observations, he’d supported Anderson in his idea to encourage the young woman to join the Alliance.  After meeting her himself some months later, Hackett had seen in her what Anderson had known: an inner strength and determination that went to levels above and beyond most other soldiers.    
  
Her character had been put to the test once more within a few years.  Hackett still recalled the day Anderson contacted him regarding the outcome of the mission on Akuze.  The call had come before it was known that Shepard had survived, the only reports from that time indicating that the entire unit had perished in the thresher maw attack.  But within a day, Shepard had found a way, reported back to her superiors and was extracted from that God-forsaken battlefield.  It was only later that Anderson had filled him in on the details.  But from that moment forward, Hackett too was firmly in her corner.  This one was special.  She had promise.  Potential.  She was a natural leader for whom the future had much in store, if she made the right choices.  Little did they know then just how much.  
  
So, when Anderson sought him out a few months later requesting a second recommendation for Shepard’s admission into the N7 program, Hackett had not questioned nor hesitated.  Shepard had not disappointed, either.  In a program where respect from your fellow soldiers was given simply for attempting the first level of training, let alone completing the entire course, Shepard had excelled.    
  
Outwardly, it had been Anderson who followed her career, giving her whatever guidance had been necessary, directing her towards her future.  When her name had come up for discussion to be presented as a candidate for the first human spectre, Hackett and Anderson both agreed, finally convincing Udina that she was the best choice.  Again, she’d gone on to prove herself more than worthy of the position, despite the challenges that had been thrown her way and the choices she’d made.  Had he been asked, he would have admitted to feeling a tremendous sense of loss upon hearing of her death over Alchera.  He and Anderson had gotten together afterwards and shared a drink to her memory, mourning her.  However, when rumors of her return had begun surfacing many months later, Hackett had not been surprised.  Even from beyond the grave, the woman continued to impress.  That was why he’d approached her when he’d needed assistance on both a personal and professional level.  That, plus he’d needed to see for himself that the _real_ Commander Shepard had indeed returned.  
  
Both Hackett and Anderson had watched out for her during that time, throwing up roadblocks to questions, misdirections to searches for information, and outward refusals to cooperate with Alliance-led investigations into Shepard’s doings.  She’d needed time to do what needed to be done, what the Alliance either couldn’t or wouldn’t do.  Though in the end it had held her back from promotion and nearly destroyed her career, in the long run it had proved to be the right course of action.  What came afterwards had merely reinforced that.  
  
Hackett knew good and well that nothing would get done with Shepard incarcerated.  Even if it was for her own security.  There had been too many questions still remaining from the upper levels of command regarding her association with Cerberus for all of those months to let her anywhere near anything that could even remotely be associated with preparations.  After a brief consultation with Anderson, Hackett had quietly done what he’d could.  By the time of the Reaper attack, it had been too late.  Hell, even at the time of the destruction of the Alpha Relay it had been too late. But at least Shepard had been alive to save the galaxy from certain destruction.  And save it she had done.  Against all odds.    
  
The call to send the team to the Citadel after her once the Crucible had fired had not been purely a professional call.  He could admit that, but only to himself.  With Cerberus gone, the Reapers destroyed, and victory secured, the galaxy had needed to know one way or another what had happened to their hero.  The idea had occurred to him long before the fleets had arrived and the attack upon London had begun, however, and he had planned accordingly.  It had been Anderson’s suggestion to send Lieutenant Duquesne’s team, certain that the connection between the spec ops squad and Major Alenko would only provide added incentive.  Hackett had been impressed by the squad’s performance, too.  Not only had they acquitted themselves well, finding Shepard alive and bringing her back for treatment, but they had managed to do so under fire and against unknown adversaries.  In some ways, Hackett found Duquesne reminding him of a younger Shepard, and that was in large part why he had partnered the lieutenant with Shepard later on.  And the relationship developing there supported his decision.  Though he kept much of his association with the lieutenant hidden from Shepard - he knew she was not fond of the idea.  She’d made that more than clear over time - Hackett would  not have done it any other way.  With the doctor concerned about Shepard’s health and the Alliance’s desperate need to replenish its ranks, having the lieutenant in place to provide him with information on Shepard’s status was simply a move to keep everyone concerned satisfied.  
  
Except perhaps Shepard herself.  
  
Hackett periodically glanced over at the general as he and the major continued speaking.  Shepard had quieted her protests for the moment, but he could see from her fidgety movements that she was still agitated.  How long would it be before she started protesting again, he wondered.  Not that he didn’t blame her.  He understood all too well her desire to be out in the field as opposed to behind a desk.  He had no doubts that she would be finding ways and reasons to be visiting the dockyards over the coming weeks and months, perhaps even going out on test runs as the _Normandy_ came back into full service.  This caused a slight tilting at the corner of the admiral’s lips.  To be honest, he would be rather disappointed if she didn’t.

* * *

  
  
Hackett had planned on the meeting taking most of the afternoon.  Aside from debriefs and discussions over personal orders and assignments, there was a need to discuss the future makeup of the crew of the _Normandy,_ including promotions and replacements.  In this, the admiral was relying on both Shepard and Alenko to assist as they had been the ones to observe their comrades in action.     
  
The only indication of a problem came with the sudden rising of voices in the lobby outside of the admiral’s office late in the afternoon. However, before contact with the admiral’s assistant could be established in order to discern the details, the doors slid open and a heavily armed team of security personnel escorted by Lieutenant Duquesne entered the room.  Shepard realized a moment or two before the others just what was happening as Shannon tossed a pistol towards her followed by three spare ammunition clips.  Catching them one at a time, she pocketed the extra.  Eyes meeting, her hands moving automatically as they loaded and armed the weapon, Shepard demanded, “Again?”  If there was any good thing to come out of this sudden crisis, she supposed, it was that it now gave her something specific on which to focus.  All concerns and worries from earlier faded to the background. _This_ was who she was.  
  
Shannon divested one of the security guards of their weapon and handed it off to Kaidan.  While the major took the weapon in hand and armed it, Shannon turned towards Shepard and nodded.  “Yes, ma’am.  Multiple squads this time.  Every floor of the building.  Still trying to sort out how they got in, but it looks as if they have someone on the inside.  More importantly, they don’t appear to be leaving _any_ thing to chance this time.  They’ve brought in engineers, mechs, heavy guns.  We need to evacuate now.”  
  
Shepard glanced over at the admiral though her question was directed at the lieutenant.  “Are we certain I am their target?”  
  
Again Shannon nodded.  “Ma’am, they were overheard instructing their people to take you alive.”  
  
Shepard was about to reply to this when the sounds of various weaponry, soldiers shouting and other assorted signals that a battle had been engaged could be overheard outside the thick outer walls of the admiral’s office.  “Go,” Hackett ordered while reaching for his own pistol from the inside of a nearby desk drawer.  Then turning towards Shannon, he ordered, “Get her out of here, lieutenant.  Now!”  He rose and followed the contingent of security guards who began leading him in the direction of the reception area.   
  
“But … sir!” Shepard began protesting.  
  
Her words were cut off almost from the start.  Turning back to face her, the admiral’s tone brooked no argument.  “General, we don’t have time to discuss this as a committee!”  
  
A moment of fire broke through then, reminiscent of her defiance against the Reapers.  “I am not a committee!”  But her protests went unheeded as the admiral was gone, the door closing behind him.  Turning back, Shepard had a moment of deja-vu as the echo of the admiral’s words were eerily reminiscent of Admiral Anderson’s the day the Reapers had attacked.   In the end, it took a firm grasp of her upper arm and a hard yank from Shannon before Shepard could actually turn and move.  But to where?  They were now sealed into the admiral’s office, and without balcony access, there was no way for them to escape ….  
  
“This way, general,” Shannon instructed as she led the way across the office.  Kaidan moved to follow behind the two women.    
  
“Where are we going?” Shepard queried as she followed behind.  All she could see was an empty wall ….  
  
Shannon paused by a nearby computer terminal and punched in an access code.  Moments later, what had been an overlay image to appear as the surface of an unadorned wall shimmered as it disappeared and the metal framing of an elevator door appeared behind it.  Startled, Shepard’s steps faltered just a bit as she came to a stop.  “What the …?”  
  
Shannon pressed another button that opened the door before turning to usher in both Kaidan and Shepard, following  quickly behind them.  Inside, she pressed another series of access codes into the control panel and within seconds, the lift began descending.  The trip did not take long and within minutes, they were slowing to a halt.  As the doors opened before them, Shannon stepped off first, placing herself between Shepard and whatever, if anything, might be in front of them.  Kaidan moved to follow quickly, leaving Shepard to bring up the rear.    
  
All was relatively quiet before them as they stepped into the long hallway.  As they moved along, it became clear to Shepard that it was meant to serve one purpose only.  Escape.  The only sounds around them at the moment were the mechanical whirrings and groanings emitted by the ventilation systems above them.  Still on point, Shannon led Shepard and Kaidan down the passageway about a hundred yards or so before it began curving to the left.  Tracked lighting along the left wall provided just enough illumination for them to see from as they hurried along.  
  
The left curve began a series of twists and turns, but always the path before them continued on as a singular hallway.  No access panels or doorways could be found as they moved.  “This leads directly to the docks,” Shannon explained, pointing ahead of them as they neared an exit.  “It will bring us out near the _Normandy_ , but we’ll still have to make a run for it.”  
  
“How did you -?” Shepard began, but Shannon shook her head sharply once.  “Later, general,” she promised.  “Right now we need to get you on board the ship before they figure out where you’ve gone.  All things being equal, Security should have already alerted the _Normandy_ ’s crew of an immediate departure once we board.”  Another access code was entered then to open the barricade.    
  
The next few minutes were some of the longest that Shepard thought she might ever have remembered experiencing.  With Shannon still leading the way, Kaidan now moved to Shepard’s side as they eased their way out of the access hall and onto the docks.  It was at this point that the decision to holster their weapons was made.  From all appearances, the people they were now encountering were the normal dockworkers and Alliance military personnel who were supposed to be on site, but Shepard couldn’t help but feel a bit edgy.  Senses now hyper-aware of her surroundings, her eyes continuously darted around, constantly on guard for any surprise that might be launched at them.  And while they no longer had weapons drawn, the threesome was still moving in formation.  It was a somewhat surreal experience for her, being thrown back into a combat situation after so many months away from it.  
  
Their arrival at the docking bay housing the _Normandy_ only added to this.  Upon approach, Kaidan took the lead as a squad of armored and armed marines met them, clearly having been put on alert.  Boarding the ship, Kaidan instructed the marines and Shannon, “Take her to the med bay.  I’ll be along in a moment.”  
  
Shepard frowned and began to protest.  “Kaidan -”  
  
He turned to face her for a brief moment.  “Think about it, Shepard,” he told her.  “Centrally located, easy to defend, and you know that Garrus and Liara will be nearby to assist if necessary.  Plus,” he added, voice softening just a bit as he lifted a hand to stroke her cheek softly, “Doctor Chakwas can make sure you’re both alright.”  
  
Shepard’s frown deepened in frustration, but she sighed and reluctantly nodded.  Of course he’d chosen arguments she could not dispute.  But before she could reply to him in any way, he was turning away, joining Joker on the bridge and calling out instructions.  
  
Beside her, Shepard noted that the squad of marines had moved onboard and now surrounded her as the hatch closed behind them.  At this point, they began to split off.  Two remained forward near the hatch while the rest began escorting Shepard and Shannon further into the heart of the ship.  Upon arriving at the elevator, two more remained with the women while the rest insisted upon descending and taking up stations near the access doors on the floors below.  Again, Shepard wanted to protest, feeling an urge to rant and rage at the insanity of it all, but the soldier in her refused to allow this.  She might have been out of the field these past five months, but years of training were difficult to break.  While they waited, Shepard took a moment to glance around the CIC.  Though it appeared to be a bit short staffed at the moment, the room was still bustling with activity as preparations for departure were made.  
  
The sound of the elevator doors opening and Shannon’s hand at her elbow guiding her onto the lift had Shepard returning her attention to her more immediate situation.  But as she stepped forward, an automatic glance to the left had Shepard’s eyes connecting with Traynor’s as the specialist returned to the CIC from the war room.  Where Shepard might have expected to see surprise or some other startled response to the increased activity, instead she found calm acceptance and understanding.  Shepard couldn’t help but smile at the younger woman.  Traynor had come a long way since suddenly finding herself a research tech flying off to face the Reapers unexpectedly.  
  
The elevator doors were closing when Shepard noticed Kaidan entering the far side of the CIC and heading in their direction.  However, guessing he would be focused on setting their course via the galaxy map first, she didn’t try to hold the lift for him.  He would be along soon enough.    
  
The trip down to the crew deck took twice as long as usual simply because once they arrived the marines riding with them were determined to make them wait until they were satisfied that the area was secure.  Only then did they lead Shepard in the direction of the med bay.  As the group rounded the elevator shaft and the entrance to the med bay came into sight, Shepard was startled to find Garrus and Liara both armed and standing there waiting for her.  Moving into step with Shannon, they escorted Shepard into the med bay while the marines moved into position outside the doors.  The sound of the doors closing behind them was lost then as sound of the _Normandy_ ’s engines began firing, a sound that did more to alert her to how long it had been since she had been on board the ship than anything else.  Could she have forgotten it so easily?  
  
Shannon’s voice broke into Shepard’s musings then, however.  “Dr. Michel!”  
  
Shepard turned to find the startled physician rising from a seat beside Dr. Chakwas.  Shepard had to admit to some degree of surprise as well, but she managed to hide it better.  “Hello, doctor,” she greeted the woman with at least a semblance of normalcy.  Or at least what had been accepted as ‘normal’ in the past.  Nodding over at Dr. Chakwas, Shepard smiled a greeting at her friend.  Well, this had the potential to make things even more interesting.  
  
“Come on inside, Shepard,” Dr. Chakwas’ friendly and familiar tone greeted her.  “I understand you’ve had a bit of excitement on your way over.”  
  
Whereas Shepard might have demurred and changed the topic then, Shannon was having none of it and took up the relation of events as she knew them so that the two doctors, Liara and Garrus could be brought up to speed.  Rolling her eyes and sighing softly, Shepard crossed her arms until Dr. Michel brought out her omni-tool and began running scans.  Sighing again, Shepard reluctantly submitted herself to the tests and as patiently as she could bided her time.  


	14. Situation Normal ....

  
  
  
Shepard remained seated upon one of the med bay gurneys long after Dr. Michel was finished with her examination.  Both doctors, as a matter of fact, had taken to running scans, checking her pulse, listening to her lungs and generally examining their patient in any and every conceivable way (considering certain individuals who remained inside the med bay during this exam, their efforts were somewhat limited) until finally satisfied that a) Shepard had suffered no undue stress or aftereffects from the events of the afternoon leading up to her arrival aboard the _Normandy_ and b) the baby, too, was doing quite well.  It was only after this that they turned their full attentions back toward Shannon who was still detailing what had occurred from the moment the first call had come through up until their arrival upon the ship.  Shepard, for her part, decided she was too tired to try to stop the younger woman and eventually lay down, curled up on the bed as best she could where she promptly fell asleep, the adrenaline that had carried her through the last few hours finally taking its toll upon her.  
  
Liara was the first to notice, though not right away.  She, like Garrus who was standing nearby, was caught up in Shannon’s story.  Making mental note of each and every detail, prioritizing in her head, planning her ‘attack’ for when she returned to her datafeeds so that she would know how to guide Glyph’s searches and direct her own research, by the time the asari glanced over in the direction of her friend, she found her to be fast asleep.  In fact, Liara was about to interrupt the others with the suggestion that they move their discussion outside of the med bay when the door behind them slid open.  As if on cue, she, Shannon and Garrus all spun on their heels, arms rising, pistols suddenly in hand and aimed at the newcomer.  Within seconds though, their arms were lowering together as Kaidan entered the room, arms raised in self defense.  “Well,” he observed with a cross between a smile and a frown of consternation, “thanks for that.  I think.”  
  
Liara chuckled and holstered her weapon.  “You _did_ ask us to be on guard if you remember,” she teased lightly, though she kept a somewhat professional look upon her face.  Gesturing towards Shepard with her head, she added, “Would you like us to escort her to your cabin?  You and the lieutenant here have much to discuss I think.”  
  
Shannon nodded.  “Sir, there are certain things you should be made aware of, and sooner would probably be better than later.”  
  
Kaidan’s eyes followed Liara’s head tilt and hesitated for the briefest of moments.  Turning to face the turian and asari a moment later, however, he nodded.  “If you wouldn’t mind.  I’ll meet you up there later.”  
  
Garrus elbowed Liara’s shoulder lightly then as he told her, “That’s fine by me,” he announced, “but _you_ are going to be the one to wake her.  Last time I tried waking her from a sound sleep, she nearly took my head off and _that_ was with her Widow out of reach.”  
  
Liara chuckled again.  “If she was dreaming about the Reapers at the time, I don’t blame her one bit,” she retorted, leading the way over.    
  
There was the slightest moment of hesitation before Garrus reacted.  “T’soni, did you just compare my looks to a Reaper?”  
  
Kaidan shook his head, struggling to hide growing amusement.  Shepard had told him of that near mishap shortly after his return to the _Normandy_ following Cerberus’ failed coup attempt upon the Citadel.  Whether it had been a warning or just a friendly exchange of information regarding their mutual friends and the current situation onboard the _Normandy_ at the time, he’d never quite figured out.    
  
Turning towards Shannon and both doctors now, though, he gestured the women towards the doorway and out into the hall.   _Business first._  “Why don’t we go sit down for this discussion,” he suggested.  “I don’t know about you, but I could use a bit of a break after all that excitement.”  Which really was, he knew, just an excuse.  But he wanted to speak to all three of them regarding what had happened today and previously.  “But I want to be brought up to speed on _every_ thing,” he added, giving each one a pointed look.  “All of it.”

* * *

  
  
Shepard groused and grumbled at having her nap interrupted, but she couldn’t say she was surprised.  After all, she was on board the _Normandy_ , wasn’t she?  When had she _EVER_ gotten a decent rest over the past few years (alone time with Kaidan notwithstanding)?  Overcome by a jaw cracking yawn as her eyes opened and identified the culprits responsible, Shepard reluctantly attempted to move into a sitting position.  
  
“Come on, Shepard,” Liara’s soft voice encouraged as she stepped forward to assist her sleepy friend to her feet.  As Shepard found her balance, the asari wrapped an arm around her waist to give her added support.  “You will be much more comfortable up in your own cabin.”  
  
Shepard’s only reply was to mumble something unintelligible.  She’d been quite comfortable where she’d been, but she didn’t bother pointing that out.  Likely they wouldn’t believe her anyway.  
  
“Don’t go making me carry you up there,” Garrus warned as he followed behind them.    
  
Though the threat in his turian rumble was real enough, she supposed, Shepard disregarded the potential for occurrence as negligible.  “I wouldn’t do that,” she mumbled, leaning against Liara as they started towards the door.  “Not unless you want to find your Mantis in pieces later.”  His threat might be real enough, but hers was a promise.  A quick glance at his eyes assured her he was well aware of that too.  
  
Garrus chuckled and led the two women out the door.  “That’s okay, Shepard.  It’s about due for some calibrations anyway,” he returned.    
  
A soft sigh of exasperation from Liara, however, brought the banter to a quick end.  That it _had_ woken Shepard up enough to get her moving was conveniently ignored by all parties involved.  Once they were in the elevator, Shepard straightened a bit more.  Lifting a hand, she ran it through her hair while turning her head to her left to hide another yawn.  “Stop at the CIC,” she announced to her companions drowsily.  
  
Liara and Garrus exchanged a quick look.  “Not happening, Shepard,” Garrus informed her.  His own voice had taken on a slightly more commanding tone.  It was one that Shepard was familiar with and certainly took notice of.  
  
“Shepard,” Liara broke in, noting that Shepard’s eyes were now taking on a look of someone who was preparing to fight things out to get her way, “we did tell Kaidan we’d escort you to your cabin.”  
  
Shepard sighed.  “I need to talk with Joker,” she told them quietly.    
  
Again, Liara and Garrus exchanged another look.  “Shepard,” Liara cautioned, “now might not be the best time.”  
  
Garrus nodded.  “Let’s get someplace safe first, then you two can talk.  In the meantime, you can catch some more of that shut eye you started back in the med bay.”  
  
Shepard eyed them both for a long moment, but she didn’t put any further argument forward.  Rubbing at her eyes, she just nodded her agreement.  Maybe it would be better to ensure they were well away from danger before she approached Joker.  They did have a lot to discuss, and from past talks, she knew Joker could react … emotionally.  No doubt any discussion involving what had happened after the triggering of the Crucible would do the same.   _It’s not everyday you tell the best pilot in the galaxy you were responsible for the death of his girlfriend, right?_  
  
They arrived at the cabin after a few minutes and both escorted Shepard inside.  “Go lie down,” Liara advised as she crossed the room to take a seat on the couch below.  Garrus, however, remained on the upper level, completely distracted by the model displays.  “We’ll stick around for a while.”  
  
Shepard sighed.  “Liara -”  
  
Liara grinned at Shepard and reached for a nearby blank datapad, laying her pistol beside her and within arm reach.  “Go on, Shepard.  We can talk later.”  
  
Another yawn caught her and Shepard had to give in.  “Fine,” she muttered before crawling beneath the covers and pulling the blanket over her shoulders.  She was nearly asleep by the time her head hit the pillows.

* * *

  
  
Kaidan remained with the doctors and his former student for a lengthy discussion.  They began with the incident from today, but eventually Shannon brought him up to speed not only on the first attack that had taken place shortly before the _Normandy_ ’s return to Earth, but also of she and her team’s mission to track Shepard down on the Citadel and rescue her after the Crucible had fired.    
  
“What do we know about these people who attacked you on the Citadel?” Kaidan asked Shannon.  “Are they Cerberus?  Are they the same ones who attacked you at headquarters?”  
  
Shannon shook her head.  “I don’t know, sir.”  She looked over at Dr. Michel for a moment.  “The doctor was in the process of examining the bodies of the two from the attack at our office.”  
  
Dr. Michel nodded.  “Indeed I was, major,” the doctor replied, taking her cue from the lieutenant.  “Sadly, there was little information to gather from them.  Nothing to indicate any sort of allegiance to any group in particular.  They looked like normal, average, everyday sort of people.”  
  
Kaidan sighed and took a sip of his coffee wishing it was something just a bit stronger just then.  “ _Could_ Cerberus have survived?” he mused absently after a moment.  He had a vague recollection of Shepard having a conversation with the Illusive Man along those lines while they had been attacking the station at Cronos.  What was it the Illusive Man had told her?   _Cerberus is not just an organization, not just people - it’s an idea.  Something that will live on_.  Or something along those lines.    
  
“Anything is possible, major,” Dr. Chakwas told him, breaking into his thoughts.  “Remember, their organizational methods involved a confederation of smaller cells stationed in many places around the galaxy.  Even after the attack at Cronos and the destruction of the Illusive Man himself on the Citadel, it is theoretically possible that other cells have survived.”  
  
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” he replied, voice filled with resignation.  Now was not the time to have to deal with Cerberus … again.    
  
“Well, whoever it is,” Shannon added, “I’d say from their actions, they seem to want Shepard alive.  From the way I see it, that’s an advantage for us.”  
  
Kaidan sighed.  “Possibly,” he agreed.  It certainly was preferable to outright wanting her dead, at least.  “Any idea to motive, though?  Clearly, this is something more than just vengeance.”  He glanced at each of the women.  Each one shook their head negatively.  Sighing again, he pushed back his chair and rose.  “Alright then.  At least this gives us something to start with.”  Running a hand through his hair for a moment, he turned to face Shannon.  “Let me bring Liara up to speed on what you’ve already told me first, but I think it would be worth the two of you sitting down to discuss this in more detail.  See if anything else comes up from it.”  
  
Shannon nodded.  “Yes, sir.”  
  
Turning to incorporate Dr. Michel into his next comments, he added, “I believe we have a couple of free beds in the crew quarters.”  
  
Dr. Chakwas nodded and rose to her feet.  “I’ll show them, major.  You have a ship to run.”  She gave Kaidan a knowing smile then before turning to lead both Shannon and Dr. Michel away, and Kaidan could only chuckle.  He had a true comrade-in-arms in Dr. Chakwas as had been proven many a time over the past few years.  

* * *

  
  
  
When Shepard awoke next, she felt slightly disoriented which left her wondering just how long she had been asleep.  The lights in the room had been dimmed except for the area on the upper level around the desk, and there was no sign of Liara or Garrus.  Frowning, Shepard shifted her hip some and sat up, hands moving to rub sleep from her eyes.    
  
“Hey there.  Sleep well?”  
  
Shepard blinked in surprise when Kaidan suddenly rose and emerged from the upper level.  Apparently, he’d been using the computer at her desk.  “You … you’re .. here.”  She sighed and rolled her eyes as he chuckled.   _Brilliant deduction, Captain Obvious_ , she chastised herself mentally while slipping out from beneath the covers and rising to her feet.    
  
Kaidan needed only a few steps to stand beside her.  “So are you,” he returned with a teasing smile.    
  
“I didn’t see you up there,” she explained as she felt his hand at her hip pulling her close.  Despite the danger they were in at the moment, this was definitely an improvement over the last five months of being alone.  Yawning, she reached over and wrapped her arms around his waist while resting her head against his shoulder.  “What time is it?”  
  
“Not too late,” he replied.  “But you did turn down dinner in favor of sleep.”  Shepard groaned softly.  Just then, her tummy rumbled, adding its own disappointment.  “On the other hand, I think we can remedy that with leftovers,” he amended as he turned to lead her out of the cabin.  
  
Though the meal was over, food stowed away and the majority of crewmen back at their posts, Shepard did notice a few stragglers hanging around.  This in itself wasn’t unusual, but what caught her off guard as she and Kaidan moved around towards the table was the sight of Joker sitting there.  Alone.  Shepard’s footsteps hesitated only a half step before she suggested quietly to Kaidan, “Would you get me something, please?  I’ll … seat myself.”  
  
His arm around her waist, Kaidan squeezed lightly before glancing over at the pilot.  The two men shared a look before Kaidan turned and made his way over to the kitchen.  Shepard waited just a moment for him to step out of earshot before seating herself across from Joker.  “I hope I’m not intruding,” she murmured as she settled herself into the chair.  
  
Joker shrugged.  “No skin off my nose, Shepard.”  
  
Shepard winced slightly at the almost acerbic tone to the pilot’s voice.  Or was that just her imagination?  The worry because she _knew_ they needed to talk, and yet she was very wary of doing so.  Was he angry because she was alive and EDI wasn’t?  Or was it because of something else?  Sighing, Shepard sat back in her seat, silently brooding over an ever increasing list of worries.  She averted her eyes as she did so, not wanting to make Joker feel any more uncomfortable than he clearly was at that moment.  However, it didn’t take long to realize that this was, perhaps, the wrong course of action; especially once Shepard observed the almost jerky, irritation-filled motions of Joker’s fork as he stabbed at his food in an attempt to get it onto the fork to eat.    
  
Eyes lifting, Shepard met the greenish-hazel gaze of the pilot.  “Joker … -”  
  
Joker set his fork down and pushed the plate to the side as he faced her.  “Commander, I’m sorry.”  
  
Shepard blinked in surprise at his words.   This was not what she had been expecting.  “Wait … what?”    
  
Before she could add anything else though, he continued, “I tried to stay … I should have been there for you.  After the Crucible, I mean.”  
  
Shepard frowned as she struggled to recall the details that she’d been told.  “I was under the impression that Admiral Hackett ordered you to leave.”  
  
Joker’s snort of derision was typical.  “Well, yeah … but since when does that ever mean anything?” he challenged.    
  
“Joker -”  
  
“Look, Shepard … seriously.  When has that ever mattered?  Following that argument, by all rights you should have evacuated the first _Normandy_ with the others, not come up to the bridge after me.  But you didn’t.  You were there for me … making sure I got my sorry ass into an escape pod.  Losing your life over some decision that shouldn’t have had to been made.  All I’m saying is I should have done the same for you.”  
  
And in that moment, Shepard saw in his eyes the guilt he still carried from that day over three years before.  No matter how many times they had discussed it since then, Joker still felt to blame for what happened to her.  “Jeff ….”  Reaching across the table, Shepard opened her hand towards him.  She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t take it.  
  
“Don’t,” he choked, emotion deepening his voice for a moment.  “Just … Dammit, Shepard, it was the only way I could return -”  
  
“No!”  She didn’t raise her voice at all, but the effect was still the same.  Joker’s head snapped back just a bit, his eyes lifting to meet hers.  “You didn’t owe me one single thing, Joker, except to keep the _Normandy_ and all on board safe.  If you hadn’t left, the _Normandy_ would have been destroyed again.  You made the right call.”  
  
Shepard sat back then, her hands retreating to rest on the table directly in front of her.  After a moment, her fingers began lacing and unlacing together, a nervous gesture she rarely demonstrated.  “Actually, if anyone should be apologizing … it should be me,” she told him after a moment.  Their eyes still locked on one another, she could see his confusion as the frown passed over his face.  “EDI,” she added quietly when he opened his mouth to speak.  The mention of the AI’s name had him sitting back as well.  “I’m the one who made the call that … killed her.”  It was a struggle for her to admit that even now.  EDI had been someone special to Joker, yes, but she had also been a good friend to Shepard and the rest of the crew along the way.    
  
“What?”  The confusion remained, and it took Joker another minute to respond.  “But you … how … you weren’t even here,” he finally protested.  “And trust me, Commander, I know how you and EDI -”  
  
“Jeff,” the use of his proper name gave him a clue to the seriousness of her words, “I had a choice to make.  Up there, on the Citadel.  I was given several options and I chose to destroy the Reapers.  End them once and for all.”  
  
“I thought that was the mission all along,” he returned.  “I mean, it wasn’t like we were going to sit down with them, have tea and talk things out peacefully now, was it?”  
  
Shepard nearly choked on a strangled laugh, but in the process, she felt unshed tears beginning to fall.  That seemed to spur him into further comments.  “Look, Shepard, after that attack on the Illusive Man’s headquarters?  EDI and I talked.  I mean, _really_ talked.  And during that time, she told me what she’d told you before.  She said she’d ‘risk nonfunctionality’ for me.  For me!  Can you believe it?”  
  
“‘To the death,’ she told me,” Shepard whispered, recalling her conversation with the AI.  “She cared about you, Joker.  I know that.  But -”  
  
He shook his head.  “No ‘but,’” he insisted.    
  
Shepard sighed heavily, more tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes.  Across the room, she saw Kaidan glance her way, a look of concern there, but she shook her head once to reassure him.  “Jeff, you don’t understand,” she tried again.  “The choice I made … it was what killed her.  If I chose to destroy the Reapers, I would in turn destroy every synthetic being in the galaxy.  All the Reaper-based technology.”  She felt a tightness in her chest because she knew this was the sticking point.  “I was supposed to die too.  Because of my synthetics.”  
  
The silence weighed heavily between them for a few moments.  “But you didn’t.”  
  
Shepard shook her head.  “No.  I didn’t.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  Swallowing tightly, Shepard rasped, “All I know is that my decision was … just as devastating as the genophage, if not worse, because I willingly chose to -”  
  
It was rare for Joker to move quickly, forcefully and without forethought given his medical condition, but he could do it when necessary as evidenced the time when the Collectors had attacked the _Normandy_ and taken the crew back during their days with Cerberus.    
  
“Stop it,” he ordered her, leaning across the table towards her, voice rising in anger and emotion.  “Just stop.  You did what you had to do, Shepard.  All along, you’ve talked about making the hard choices and then gone ahead and made them.  Without hesitation.  You made the choices that no one else could or would make.  Those life altering ones that affect more than just a few people or a few colonies and such.  It’s why you survived Mindoir and Akuze, it’s why you came back from the dead to lead us into battle.  Anderson and Hackett both trusted you to do that.  The turians, krogans, even the asari and salarians - _everybody_ \- put their faith in you to do just that.  In the long run the Council knew you were the only one who _could_ do that.”  
  
Shepard stared at him a long moment, only vaguely aware of Kaidan returning to her side with a tray of food.    
  
“Am I angry and upset that EDI’s gone?  Hell yeah.  I miss her like crazy, and some days are worse than others.  But, after talking with her, getting to know her, _being with her_ , I learned a few things along the way, and I know for a fact that she’d be the first one to tell you that you did what you had to do.  ‘ _The needs of the many ….’_ ”  
  
Shepard cringed slightly, the old saying taking on an entirely new meaning now given the choice she’d made.  “‘ _Outweigh the needs of the few,’”_ she finished.    
  
“That was one of the last things we discussed, you know?”  He straightened then, taking a step back from the table.  “And we took a long time talking about it, both learned a thing or two from each other too, I think.”  The redness in his cheeks from his outburst was beginning to fade, a sign that he was finally winding down.  “It doesn’t make it any easier to accept her loss, but it _does_ help knowing how she felt.”  His eyes focused sharply on Shepard then.  “Don’t doubt yourself or your decision, Shepard,” he added, an almost pleading sound to his voice now.  “I have to believe it was the right one.  I have to believe she died for a ‘greater good.’  If I lose that -”  
  
“Jeff -”  
  
“You both have to believe that,” Kaidan broke in, hoping that by interjecting his own opinion it wouldn’t do more damage than good.  “And I think, deep down, you both do.  Shepard, you know your choice saved the rest of the galaxy.  What was it you told me you and Garrus called it?  Ruthless calculus?  You know it was the only choice you could make.  Trillions of beings across this galaxy now have the chance to rebuild and live their lives again because of you.”  
  
Shepard found herself nodding at Kaidan’s words, but she could not find her voice to speak.  Giving Joker one last look, she managed a half-hearted smile to which he responded with his own semi-smirk.  If nothing else, it was a start.  “I’ll be up on the bridge if you need me,” the pilot finally told them before turning to walk away.  Shepard remained silent as she watched him hobble around the corner towards the elevator.  
  
“Shepard.”  The sound of Kaidan’s voice pulled her attention back to him as he sat down beside her, gently pushing the plate of food before her.  “You have to stop doubting yourself.  You made the right call.  The only call you could make under those circumstances.  End of story.”  
  
She sighed.  He was right.  She knew he was right.  And normally such a decision wouldn’t have affected her so badly, but the enormity of this one ….  “But …”  
  
He reached over and grasped her chin lightly in his hand, holding it firmly until she would look at him.  “But nothing.  We both know these decisions are never easy, no matter how many we make, but we just do the best we can.  And you did that.  Let it go,” he advised before leaning over to place a light kiss on her cheek.  “Let it go and move on.”    
  
Taking a deep breath, Shepard held it for a long moment in which she closed her eyes.  Finally exhaling slowly, she allowed the last of her reservations to fade with it.  “You’re right,” she replied quietly, turning to look over at him as she reached for her fork.  “Thank you.”  The smile he gave her then was nothing less than reassuring and certainly welcome just then.

* * *

  
  
After finishing her meal, Kaidan insisted Shepard go relax while he cleaned up.  When she started protesting, claiming that she could clean up her own mess, he pointed to the fork he had brought with him to use in sneaking a bite or two of the meal for himself.  “I had some too,” he reminded her, “so it’s my turn to clean up.”  
  
Shepard simply rolled her eyes at him and wandered off, albeit a little undecided as to where to go exactly.  As she neared what had once been Kasumi’s cabin but now housed the lounge area, she could overhear exuberant voices through the door.  After the events and stresses of the day, she was rather reluctant to join the others and so she turned to head back down the hall to the opposite side of the ship.  She found the starboard observation deck was empty and much more inviting given her current mood.  As she stepped over to the large window, the familiar sight of stars and planets in the distance, she could feel herself relaxing more so, perhaps, than she had done since the last time she’d been aboard, and along with this she felt an immeasurable sense of peace filling her.  
  
The soft whooshing behind her of the door opening was the only indication of Kaidan arriving to join her some moments later.  “Feeling better now?” he asked as he walked up behind her, arm sliding around her waist and settling on her hip.    
  
Shepard sighed and nodded.  “Much,” she replied though her eyes remained focused on the stars beyond.  Part of her wondered where the _Normandy_ might be headed, but she supposed that Kaidan would tell her when he was ready.  “Although,” she added, a bit of her old humor seeping back in as she teased, “if you’d wanted to get married, all you had to do was say so.  No need to kidnap me and run off to elope like this.”   
  
Kaidan chuckled, his arm tightening a bit around her.  Reassured that her mood was improving, he returned in kind, “Ah, but where’s your sense of adventure?  Liara may have written your name in the stars during the war, but I always wanted to give them to you.”   
  
Shepard tilted her head so she could look up at him, a grin widening across her face.  “That’s a start, I suppose.”  She squeaked for the second time that day as he began tickling her ribs lightly for a brief moment before pulling her close and just holding her beside him.    
  
Though their current situation was a serious one, she knew that they could tease each other about this, especially as the up and down again nature of their relationship to this point went a very long way to reminding her of one very important fact: they were together now, the future before them.  No matter what came their way, they could face it together.  And like she had told him, it was a start.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	15. The Game is Afoot!

  
It was the cold that woke her.    
  
Of the many things Shepard enjoyed about being with Kaidan again, it was the extra body warmth he brought with him when they were lying together in bed that was one thing she could admit to appreciating more than some of the others.  Shepard was always cold.  Never failed.  She’d taken to wearing her N7 hoodie aboard ship at all times because she got tired of the crew teasing her about the goosebumps on her arms.  That had begun almost right after rescuing the Primarch off Palaven.  Even _he_ had noticed, querying if the presence of such things was common for humans.  Later, EDI had offered to adjust the _Normandy_ ’s environmental settings which Shepard had refused.  No one else was having the issue, there was no sense in changing things.  Dr. Chakwas had off-handedly suggested knitting her a sweater, and while it had taken some months (and Shepard had conveniently forgotten the incident), one had shown up in her cabin shortly after the mission to Gellix.    
  
Kaidan hadn’t noticed at first after his return to the ship, which in all honesty hadn’t really surprised Shepard.  He’d been focused on other things - the mission at hand, his parents whereabouts, the safety of his biotic students, etc.  It was only later, after the rebuilding of their relationship that he remembered.  One of the first times they’d kissed, _really_ kissed and her hands had slid beneath the edge of his shirt, he’d almost yelped at the touch of her ice cold hands against his ribs.  On the other hand, it had also facilitated the speed with which their relationship had grown from that point forward.  
  
But now, back together once more, for Shepard his warmth also served a secondary purpose.  It had not taken her long at all to become used to having him wrapped around her, an additional blanket of sorts to keep her warm as they slept.  Usually, at least while on land, they had risen at the same time as the other, not wanting to be apart a moment longer than necessary after their separation.  But on board the _Normandy_ , where he was now the commanding officer and had to perform his duties as such at times when she might otherwise be asleep, it served as a sort of alert system for her in the sense that whenever she became overly chilled (which she inevitably did when lying in bed alone, no matter how many blankets he placed over her) and would wake up as a result, she knew without a doubt that he was no longer there.    
  
Yawning as she opened her eyes, it took only a quick moment for Shepard to realize she was completely alone within the cabin.  That was both a blessing and a curse, she supposed as she moved to rise from the bed, but it did give her a chance to catch a quick shower and clean up without undue distraction.  And if Kaidan was anything these days, she mused with a soft chuckle, he was _definitely_ a distraction.  
  
At least that was the plan ... until she discovered the dilemma she was in.  
  
Wrapped in a large fluffy towel (Alliance logo embroidered on the edge), old habit and familiar surroundings had Shepard automatically reaching for fatigues and t-shirt as she searched through her ‘closet’ (sad title, that, for such a small space that housed not only her clothing now but Kaidan’s).  The first inkling’s of any problem came when began pulling on her t-shirt.  While she had always preferred them to be a bit loose in the neck and shoulder area, which ultimately meant the next size up from her standard size, Shepard soon realized that the shirts she’d spent the entire Reaper War wearing would no longer work for her.  Given her current situation  and the changes to her body, she could barely get the damned thing over her chest let alone low enough to cover the bump that was now growing with each passing day.  And while she did find some humor in the situation (wouldn’t Kaidan be laughing if he could see her now, right?), she also felt a bit of frustration as she found herself in the unenviable position of having to figure out something suitable to wear until they could dock in a location that might have something more appropriate for her condition.  Sighing, Shepard struggled out of her old shirt and set it aside, her thoughts searching frantically through all possible options for a solution.  
  
In the end, she opted for one of Kaidan’s t-shirts.  It wasn’t a perfect solution by any means, but for the moment it would work.  Thankfully, though a snug fit, her fatigues rode low enough on her hips that Shepard found she could still fasten them.  But these, too, would soon become an issue.    
  
Once her wardrobe issue had been resolved, Shepard found that she still felt a bit chilled.  She didn’t even bother to reach for her N7 hoodie, knowing that if her t-shirts didn’t fit, the hoodie wouldn’t either.  That thought left her feeling just a bit down, but she tried to focus on another solution instead.  Pacing around the cabin, tapping her chin with her finger as she thought, it took only a few moments before a memory of that first day out from the Citadel after the Reapers had attacked to start teasing her brain.  Pausing her steps, Shepard turned and stared at the closet area, recalling that she had been stowing away the clothing she’d picked up on the Citadel since she’d basically left Earth with just the clothing on her back.  During the process, she had come across an N7 hoodie tucked away in the back of the storage area.  The size of the thing indicated it had been intended for Anderson and had been far too large for Shepard’s uses at the time, so she’d stored it away in the bowels of the engineering department with other things from the cabin she wouldn’t be needing.  But now …?  Shepard sighed as she wondered just where things might have gotten moved in the past few months during the _Normandy_ ’s absence.  Was it too much to hope that things might have been left where they had been placed before?  The ship had crash landed, of course.  Things would inevitably have been shifted around from that, in addition to the fact that as they had focused on fixing the ship, things could have been moved, removed or even dumped if necessary.  
  
Well, there was only one way to find out.  Exiting the room and calling for the elevator, Shepard absently rubbed at her arms with her hands while waiting.  Best to begin where she remembered it being, right?  First stop would be Jack’s old bunking area below engineering.  
  
Some time later, success having finally been met (the crates had never stood a chance when she was on a mission!), Shepard ventured back up to the crew deck with the express purpose of scrounging up something to eat.  As had occurred the night before, she’d missed the main call for breakfast, but this time at least she was able to hunt through the kitchen for something on her own.  She found a few leftovers, some from breakfast, others from the night before, but ultimately, Shepard decided upon a couple of quick sandwiches and a cup of tea which she ate quickly.    
  
Feeling somewhat accomplished for the morning, Shepard then turned her attention to the situation at hand.  Kaidan had briefed her last night regarding the nature and results of his chat with Shannon and the doctors, as well as informed her that sometime today he hoped that the crew could have a strategy session of sorts, but that might depend on what additional information was dug up and how quickly it could be compiled.  In an effort to promote that sort of action, though, Shepard decided to pay Liara a visit as she knew that her Shadow Broker friend would be one of the main sources for the gathering of such information.  
  
Once she realized who was knocking at her door, Liara was quick to give Shepard access to her cabin, pulling over a chair and insisting Shepard sit as she worked on rewiring some of her datafeeds.  Muttering protests that she was hardly an invalid, Shepard finally gave in and took the offered seat when it became clear that Liara would not take no for an answer.  
  
“Things getting back to normal for you then?” Shepard asked as she watched her asari friend maneuvering around one of the many computer banks in her room.  The thing was huge, though Shepard was aware that it was for the expressed purpose of processing and sorting all of the information contained in her datafeeds.  
  
Liara glanced over her shoulder at her friend and tossed Shepard a quick grin.  “Define ‘normal,’ Shepard,” she teased lightly.  “Ever since meeting you back on Therum, I think I’ve had to rethink the definition of that word.”  
  
Shepard chuckled.  “You might have a point there,” she agreed with a warm smile.  Settling a bit into the chair, Shepard tilted her head slightly to the side as she surveyed her friend.  “If we call chasing after Saren and the geth ‘normal’ -”  
  
“Or the taking on the Shadow Broker,” Liara interjected.  
  
Shepard nodded, shifting in her chair so she was facing backwards, able to rest her arms on the back of the seat and her chin against the back of her arms.  “Or taking on the Reapers.”  
  
“One at a time, no less.”  
  
Shepard sighed.  “Yeah.  Definitely might need to rethink that definition,” she agreed in the end.  Liara offered her a slightly amused smile then, and though Shepard was curious about it, she didn’t pursue that line of thought just yet.  “Seriously, though ….”  
  
Liara sighed and stepped back from the processor for a moment.  Turning to face Shepard, she replied, “Technologically speaking, I have most of my datafeeds back up and running now, yes.  The trick will be getting in touch with those agents who have not heard from me in many months.  I’m sure they all have their own ideas as to what happened to the Shadow Broker.”  This last was spoken with a broad wink.  “And it is possible there might be a sort of power vacuum out there trying to be filled.”  
  
Shepard rolled her eyes.  “No doubt,” she replied dryly.  But then again, such was the nature of the business, right?  “Something else to add to our list of things to do, perhaps?”  
  
“As if we don’t already have enough, hmm?”  
  
There was a moment of silence between the two before both began laughing heartily.  “I think that answers the ‘back to normal’ question, don’t you?” Shepard asked when she could breathe again.  Liara’s smile indicated her agreement.  
  
As Liara continued on about her business, she asked quietly, “How have you been?  Really?  I’m sure it couldn’t have been easy for you to survive the events on the Citadel and then find yourself all alone afterwards.”  
  
Shepard nodded, a wave of emotion catching her off guard just then and keeping her from speaking.  Trust Liara, one of the few who knew her best, to get to the crux of the issue immediately.  “It … was,” she finally managed.  “At first, I felt … lost?”  She looked over at Liara, her eyes narrowing as she struggled to find the right words to explain.  “But then I started to find things to focus on.  My recovery.  Admiral Hackett wanting me to help him with the rebuilding of the Alliance.  Things like that.  I still was alone, _felt_ alone, but when I was busy, well … at least it took my mind off it?”  
  
Liara nodded.  She paused again for a moment and walked over to stand in front of Shepard.  “I don’t know if he’s told you,” she said quietly, “and I certainly hope I’m not breaking any confidences by telling you this, but the major - Kaidan … he never gave up hope that you’d survived.”  Blue eyes met blue and Shepard sat up a bit straighter.  “His hope for you gave us hope too.”    
  
Shepard nodded, unable to speak for a moment.  Though Kaidan had not come out and told her as much, she could quite easily see him reacting this way.  He was the sort of person who needed proof before making a firm decision about something.  And after what had happened over Alchera, and their meeting on Horizon … well, she could understand the need he might have to wait until he was absolutely certain.  “I hoped too,” she whispered, her voice wobbling just a bit.  “Hackett refused to believe the _Normandy_ hadn’t survived.  He would always point that out whenever I might start to question how long it was taking.”  Sighing, Shepard looked away briefly.  “I kept up hope for everyone during the war,” she murmured, not noticing Liara’s small nod from beside her.  “I had to.  We would never have been able to win if we didn’t have it, you know?”  She glanced at Liara this time who nodded again.  “But once that was over, after everything … I guess I was just so tired.  It was hard to keep hoping on my own.”  
  
“So Hackett helped.”  
  
Shepard nodded.  “And others.  I ran into people I knew, some I’d helped during the war.  Miranda and her sister, Oriana.”  Shepard chuckled and shook her head in amusement.  “Remind me to tell you about that meeting sometime.  Kasumi came to visit.  Diana Allers, too.  And every time I spoke with them, it helped.  I even tracked down Kaidan’s mother.  That helped a lot.”  Sighing, Shepard waved her hands in front of her in a vague sort of manner.  “No use dwelling on it, right?  That’s past.  Time to move forward.”  Her lips pursed just a bit, eyes narrowing as she added, “Time to find out who’s behind all this.”    
  
Liara nodded, moving back to work on the computer as Shepard changed topics.  “Your Shannon came to speak with me earlier,” she commented as she finally finished the last bit of the wiring.     
  
Shepard stood and followed Liara over to the computer.  Leaning against a set of nearby shelves, she kept her eyes on what Liara was doing as she replied, “ _My_ Shannon?”  
  
Liara chuckled and glanced up over her shoulder.  “Your assistant, if you prefer.  Or perhaps more accurately, your bodyguard?”  
  
Shepard sighed.  “Yeah.  Something like that.  Hackett brought her on board when he promoted me and gave me that desk job.  Said she was there to help.”  
  
Liara’s hands paused for a long moment over the keyboard, her head tilted downwards.  For a moment, Shepard wondered if Liara was ill.  “Liara …?”  
  
“She did do that, yes,” Liara murmured, her fingers suddenly working again, almost too quickly now as if to make up for the lost time a moment before.  
  
Shepard frowned in confusion.  “Liara, what’s going on?”  
  
“It’s nothing, Shepard,” the asari interjected.  If Shannon hadn’t already explained her situation to Shepard, it wasn’t really Liara’s place to say.  “Anyway, what I was trying to say was that she came by, at Kaidan’s request I gather, to share the details known about the people who attacked you.  Based on her information, I’ve been able to put out a few inquiries so far, but I’m still waiting to hear back.  I’m trying to locate some of my more reliable sources in the field, though.”  
  
Shepard nodded, her eyes more on her friend than what she was working on.  Something had clearly bothered Liara about what had happened, but Shepard was not certain what that had been, except that it had something to do with Shannon.  Had the two not gotten along well?  “I know you’re doing your best,” she returned.  Then with a smile, she concluded, “And I can’t argue with that, can I?  Not when I have the Shadow Broker herself working for me?”  
  
Liara grinned.  “Are you suggesting there is a conflict of interest there?” she teased.  
  
“Absolutely not!” Shepard declared insistently.  “In fact, I can’t think of anyone who would be better suited to assist in this matter.”  
  
Rising, Liara placed a hand on Shepard’s shoulder and squeezed.  “Then it’s a good thing for you that the Shadow Broker considers you a good friend.”  
  
“Indeed.”  
  
“Anyway,” Liara continued while gesturing towards the door, “Kaidan has decided he wants to have a strategy session with everyone anyway.  Bring everyone in on the details, get everyone on the same page, see if anyone has other viewpoints not already expressed.”  
  
Shepard’s brow lifted at this.  “Oh?  Right now?”  A moment later, before Liara could answer, a light beeping at her wrist informed her she had a text message on her omni-tool.  A quick glance gave her all the information she required as she and Liara exited the room.  “Apparently.”

* * *

  
  
Shannon found her way to the war room easily enough.  Not only had Major Alenko briefed her on the location, but Samantha Traynor had found her on the crew deck a short time before the meeting was to begin, offering to show her the way.  Shannon had agreed, and during the short trip they had started talking.  Samantha put her at ease right away, and Shannon found that she had to admit the woman was fun to talk with.  Of course, their discussion evolved into a brief exchange of amusing anecdotes regarding Shepard curtailed only as they entered the war room and found some of the others already gathered.  With hushed promises to finish the conversation later, they moved into position around the display table.  
  
A short while later, everyone finally gathered, the meeting began.  Seeing as he was the acting ship Captain, Major Alenko began the briefing with their current status.  “Our departure from Vancouver was noted,” he explained, “there’s no way around that.  However, the official explanation is that we are being sent out to check on the status of the Charon Relay.”  
  
“I assume that is a ruse?” Garrus asked.  At Kaidan’s nod, he continued, “Are we well enough equipped at the moment to at least make that ruse seem plausible?”    
  
Kaidan shrugged.  “Technically, the _Normandy_ was slated to be in port for the next couple of months for upgrades and such.  How much of that was actual time for upgrades versus time for personal leave for the crew, I’m not certain.  While it isn’t exactly standard protocol to yank a ship out of scheduled maintenance for something like this, we all know that the _Normandy_ isn’t just ‘any other ship.’”  
  
“Damn straight!” Joker’s voice added emphatically from over the intercom.  Shannon noted that everyone around her chuckled a bit and some of the tension in the room seemed to ease with the pilot’s words and obvious sense of pride.  
  
“If this is a ruse then,” the quarian, Shannon couldn’t recall her name at the moment, interjected, “what will we really be doing?”  
  
Shannon observed the major flash the woman a smile.  “We are starting out in that direction,” he explained.  “Once we get there, we hope to have a better idea of the overall situation and can plan where to go from there.”    
  
The major then glanced over at Shepard who took a few steps forward.  Eyeing the woman who was her boss, Shannon found herself worrying.  Shepard looked tired, a little drawn perhaps.  Certainly she had a look of impatience and frustration just now, but given the topic of the discussion, Shannon could understand this all too easily.   
  
“We do not yet know who these people are,” Shepard explained, “but they have a striking resemblance to Cerberus in some of their training, tactics, and how well armored and armed they are.  For now, we should assume that they have the same mobility, despite what happened during the war.”  She took a long look around the room.  “The Illusive Man once told me that Cerberus was an idea, not just the people who worked for them.  We cannot discount the possibility that they do still exist in some capacity.”  
  
“Even after we took them out at Cronos?”   
  
Shepard shook her head.  “We damaged them, yes,” she explained.  “And later, when the Illusive Man committed suicide, yes the head of the snake was severed.  However, we know people managed to survive.  Aside from those who escaped Cronos, we know that there were other cells around the galaxy in many locations.  We cannot, and I emphasize this, _cannot_ dismiss this.”  
  
Shannon could tell that the general was getting herself worked up by the way that her voice began wavering just slightly with the force behind her words.  But there was nothing she could do to offer support except for nod her agreement with her words.  Thankfully, it seemed that Kaidan had picked up on it, for he reached out and laid a hand on the back of her shoulders.  Shannon thought she could almost see Shepard ease up just from his touch.    
  
“Sorry,” Shepard murmured, stepping back from the display, hand rising to her forehead then.  “If you need details on the methods and means they have employed recently, Shannon can inform you.”  It was a bit disconcerting to suddenly have every set of eyes in the room suddenly focused on her, but Shannon simply nodded once indicating she understood.  At the same time, she was not surprised to notice that Dr. Michel had casually made her way around the display to the general’s side.    
  
Taking up the lead once more, Kaidan told them with a quick smile over at Liara, “We currently have our resident researcher doing her level best to find out more information on these people.  Hopefully, by the time we reach the Charon Relay we will have some leads to help guide us.  In the meantime, we need to pool what information we do have, make certain everyone is on the same page and start developing potential plans of action.”  
  
They spent the better portion of the next hour going over the known facts which, granted, were few and far between.  Shannon did, however, take the time to detail each attack as specifically as she could.  Questions were asked and she answered them to the best of her knowledge.  Finally, as she wound up, Kaidan glanced around at the others.  “So to sum up … what do we _know_?”  
  
Garrus was the first to reply, the talon of one of his hands rubbing along his scarred mandible as he did so.  “They obviously have some sort of military backing and training.  This last attack proves that, if nothing else.  It was organized and much larger scale than their first attack.  We also know that they learn from their mistakes.  Strategize.”  He glanced over at Shepard.  “They might have had you this time had the Admiral not had that exit route.”  
  
Shannon’s eyes were upon Shepard as she nodded, though she thought she could also see the other woman trembling just a bit.  It had been a near thing, and certainly one that neither of them had considered when revamping the security procedures after the first attack.  
  
“The thing I want to know,” Liara interjected, “is the why.  Why are they doing this?  Why now?  They had two months while Shepard was in a coma.  Why not attack at the hospital?  Or right afterwards?  What do they hope to gain from going after her now that she’s mobile and has assistance?”  
  
There was a moment of silence before several people began speaking all at once.  “Revenge?” Tali suggested.  “Payback for the attack on Cronos?”  
  
“Or for the death of the Illusive Man,” Garrus added quietly.    
  
“Whatever the reason,” Kaidan interrupted, “we know that Shepard appears to be their main focus of attack.”  
  
“And they want her alive,” Shannon reminded them all.  All eyes were upon her again with this announcement.  “I overheard them reminding their soldiers of that during the attack yesterday.”  
  
Again, the room fell silent for a time.  “Kidnap?” Garrus mused, his talon rubbing against his mandible again, his eyes focused on Shepard, but Shannon could see that he wasn’t actually looking _at_ her.  “Heh.  That’s different.”  
  
Kaidan frowned, his eyes narrowing in on the turian.  “How do you mean?”  Shannon glanced across at Shepard and though she couldn’t tell for certain, she thought the general had paled just a bit.    
  
“Think about it,” Garrus explained.  “You want revenge for what you feel is a wrong against you, or in this case your people.  The easiest way to go about that, especially with limited resources available, would be to send in a strike team meant to kill.”  
  
“Maybe they knew Shepard wasn’t easy to kill,” Tali suggested.  “After all, if she didn’t die after firing the Crucible, would they have better luck?”  
  
“If they are Cerberus, then they would know more about how Shepard was brought back to live two years ago too,” Liara pointed out.  “They would have an advantage in knowing what would work and what wouldn’t.”  
  
Shannon was fairly certain the discussion was beginning to take a toll on Shepard now.  Certain that Shepard seemed so pale now because of the discussion, Shannon wasn’t surprised when Kaidan moved up beside her, his arm sliding around her waist.  That the general gave in and leaned against his shoulder, her head coming to rest there, her eyes closed, told Shannon more than she needed to know really.    
  
Garrus sighed.  “That’s possible, of course,” he agreed, “but likely too abstract of a thought for a group intent upon revenge.  That’s more an emotional response.  What do you humans call it?  A ‘gut reaction?’”  The others nodded.  “Remember, I know a thing or two about vengeance.”  Shannon felt a bit lost by this comment, but the head nods from the rest of the group indicated that most of the others understood the frame of reference.    
  
“So … why would they want her alive then?” Shannon asked.    
  
Garrus turned to face her, their eyes meeting.  “I can think of a couple of reasons, none of them very reassuring.  First, and this is a longshot but based on Tali’s observation, if they knew they couldn’t take down Shepard in a frontal assault they might take her away to dispose of later.  Second, they are well aware that Shepard is a hero.  A living legend and a symbol of the Alliance and the Alliance’s success in the war.  It’s possible that they want to use her in some way to counteract that and to re-establish their own position in the galaxy.”  
  
“How?” Samantha asked.  
  
“Oh, they could force her to record some sort of message or perhaps force her to do something that might show her and the Alliance in a bad light.  Something along those lines, I would think.”  
  
Shannon frowned.  She’d seen and heard of plenty of examples like that throughout the years in her history classes in school.    
  
“But wouldn’t that just trigger an Alliance attack against them?” Traynor continued.  “I would think it would make their situation more difficult than it already is.”  
  
Shepard’s sigh could be heard throughout the room.  “No,” she murmured wearily, straightening just a bit.  Turning to face the others, she clarified.  “They know Admiral Hackett wouldn’t send in the big guns in a situation like this.  They might expect a small team, or a group like you all to come after me, but they know that we can’t spare the troops or the ships for something larger.  We’re still rebuilding.”  Shannon saw Shepard biting her lip, her eyes lifting to meet the turian’s.  She was waiting on something.  Shannon had seen that expectant look before, had even been on the receiving end of it.  “There’s another reason?”  
  
Garrus nodded, eyes solemnly holding Shepard’s.  “Yes.  They want to take revenge by destroying you and your world completely.”  
  
“Wouldn’t they be doing that already?” Shannon asked.    
  
It was Dr. Chakwas who spoke up this time.  “In a sense, yes.  However, I think what Garrus is referring to is something more than just a physical manifestation of revenge.  If they were to kidnap General Shepard, what better way to gain revenge than by either killing or taking her child from her?”  
  
Garrus nodded.  “It’s definitely a more personal form of revenge.”  
  
“So, what do we do then?”  
  
All eyes turned towards Kaidan and Shepard.  “For now, we continue on towards Charon,” Kaidan announced.  “If we receive any information before we arrive, we can re-evaluate then.”    
  
“Joker?” Shepard spoke up.  “When you entered Sol on the way home, was there any activity on Charon you could see?”    
  
“Nothing obvious,” he replied.  “But then again, my eyes were lookin’ towards home, so I wouldn’t say I looked closely.”  
  
“Right.  Thanks.”  She turned to glance up at Kaidan before shaking her head.  
  
“Any other questions?” Kaidan asked.  When he received no answer, he added, “Dismissed.”  Exiting the room with the others, Shannon ended up following them all down towards the mess.  She had some serious thinking to do in regards to this situation, and the best way she’d found over the years to help her focus was coffee.  After this meeting, boy, could she use a cup!

* * *

  
  
Once everyone but the duty officers had left the war room, Kaidan turned towards Shepard.  “You okay?” he asked.  
  
Shepard sighed and stepped beside him again, her eyes drifting to look at the display of the solar system on the display before them.  Though he wrapped his arms around her and she was well aware that their current behavior was breaking several regulations, she did not pull back.  After all, the admiral himself had all but given them his blessing to their relationship when he’d sent her off to the _Normandy_ with Kaidan, had he not?  “I’ll be fine,” she told him quietly.  “It’s just … a little disconcerting to find that even though the war is over, there are still people after me and mine.”  She lifted her head to look up at him.  “I don’t like this.”  
  
His hand lifted to cradle her cheek for a moment before he lowered it once more.  “I can’t say I do either,” he agreed.  “But I think it’s safe to say we have a head start on them?”  
  
“Hmm.”  Shepard shook her head a bit.  “I would like to think that, yes,” she told him.  “But if we do, we take a chance that they can catch us off guard again.”  
  
“True.”  
  
They turned to exit the room together, walking past the conference room and through the security checkpoint, now turned off since the war was over, and into the CIC.  They headed towards the elevator next and before he turned away, he asked, “Where are you going?”  
  
Shepard shrugged.  “I don’t know,” she replied honestly.  “It’s strange being on board and yet not being the one in charge, you know?”  She gave him a small smile at this, resigning herself to the fact that she was not the ‘Commander’ any longer.  “Not having any specific duties is a bit strange.”  
  
“Can you still work on things for Admiral Hackett from the _Normandy_?”  
  
“I don’t know,” she replied.  “So much of what I needed relied upon constantly updating data that I don’t think it would be a practical arrangement for the ship.  Especially,” she added, “if we’re supposed to be hiding the fact I am here?  If anyone hacked the feeds, they’d know exactly what it was for and that I was involved.”  
  
As they waited for the elevator to return to their level, Shepard reached out and squeezed his hand.  “Don’t worry about me,” she told him.  “I’ll find something to do.  I’ll make myself useful, even if I have to force Garrus to let me help with calibrating the guns.”  
  
Kaidan chuckled as he squeezed back.  The turian was never going to live that down, was he?  “I’m on duty for another eight hours,” he told her.    
  
Shepard managed a wider smile this time.  “I know.  Come find me then.”  When the elevator opened, she leaned up, kissed his cheek and then stepped inside.  “Start in your old haunt,” she suggested as the door slid closed.  Kaidan simply chuckled before turning back towards the heart of the CIC.    
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	16. Tomfoolery

  
  
There were times of late, random though they might be, that Shepard could not quite decide if she was being overly nostalgic or not.  Reminiscing over discussions with certain companions with whom she’d worked over the past few years.  Recollections of events, both on and off ship.  Friends both living and gone.  Especially those who had been taken before their time.  Ashley.  Mordin.  Thane.  Legion.  Anderson.  She missed them.  Each of them.  Dreadfully.  Ashley’s straight-forward practicality.  Mordin’s non-stop, over-analytical analysis with a flair for the musical.  Thane’s steady, abiding presence, always there to lean upon and guide with a loving hand.  Legion’s open-minded willingness to give of himself.  And Anderson.  He’d been such a large influence on her life since meeting him when she was seventeen.  Somewhat of a father figure, friend, mentor … hell, he’d been there at so many times during the past sixteen years when others couldn’t be for her ....  
  
Sighing in exasperation, her thoughts definitely headed in a downward spiral for some reason, Shepard rose from the sofa and tossed her datapad to the side.  She needed a distraction.  She’d taken to staying up in the cabin alone of an evening in an attempt to focus her thoughts onto the situation currently staring them in the face, an attempt to see if she could remember any additional details that might help them figure out who was behind this, but this clearly seemed to be backfiring for her.  And she knew Kaidan was beginning to worry, though he hadn’t come right out and said it yet.  Memories were a fine thing, but when so many of those focused on those with whom she could no longer interact except in her mind, well, it was time to seek out the living.  Wasn’t it?  It was clear that her focus was not where it needed to be in order to get the job done.  
  
This decided, the question then became, where should she go?  Kaidan was off duty, Shepard knew this with a quick glance at her omni-tool, and had told her he would head down to watch the poker game that usually sprang up of an evening between some of the other crew members.  When Shepard had asked if he was going to join in (after all, Vega was no longer aboard, he stood half a chance of winning now), Kaidan had remained non-committal in his reply.  “We’ll see,” was all he said before kissing her and leaving the room.  
  
That had been a couple hours before.  Wondering if the game was still going, Shepard decided it was as good a destination to begin with as any, and certainly would allow her to sneak a snack from the kitchens in the process.  A few minutes and two apples later, Shepard entered the portside observation lounge.  She was a bit surprised by the number of people still there and the card game still well underway and looking like it might continue on for quite a while.  Walking over, she leaned against the wall and asked before taking a bite of the apple in her hand, “So, who’s winning now that Lieutenant Vega is no longer here to fleece the lot of you?”  
  
“Toss up,” Joker replied while reaching for the cards Shannon had just dealt.  “It’s been going back and forth all night.”  
  
Dr. Chakwas reached for a nearby glass of what Shepard suspected might be the woman’s favorite serrice ice brandy and chuckled while looking up at Shepard.  “What Joker is trying so hard not to tell you, General, is that he’s having an ‘off night.’”  
  
Shepard bit her lip to hide her laughter.  Joker was known to have a terrible poker face.  “Is there any other kind for him?” she couldn’t help but tease.  
  
“Now to be fair,” Samantha broke in as she lifted her own cards before Joker could protest, “he did win one hand.”  
  
“Two people does not a poker hand make,” Garrus returned.  His eyes lifted to meet Shepard’s then and she could see amusement hidden there.    
  
“I won fair and square,” the pilot protested.  Tossing some chips into the center of the table, he added, “Didn’t I, Traynor?”  
  
Shepard thought she could see the girl’s lips twitching just a bit, but to her credit, the comm specialist simply nodded her agreement while peeking at her hand.  Tossing her own chips into the middle of the table a moment later, she murmured, “Call.”  When Samantha’s eyes rose, Shepard grinned knowingly as her brow lifted in question.  The specialist’s cheeks flushing just a bit suddenly gave Shepard the answer she sought.  Samantha had _let_ Joker win.  Just as Shepard had allowed Garrus to win their shooting match so many months before.    
  
Chuckling, Shepard told them, “Well, have fun,” before turning towards the rest of the room.  She found Kaidan seated on the couch nearest to the wall separating the card players and the rest of the room, his eyes focused upon a datapad in his hands, and Tali sitting over by the stereo listening to some music.  Sliding into the seat beside Kaidan, Shepard murmured, “Anything interesting?”  
  
Kaidan glanced down at her as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her close.  As Shepard’s head came to rest on his shoulder, he couldn’t hide a smile of contentment.  “Depends on your interests, I guess,” he replied.  Tilting the datapad so she could see it, he added, “It’s that book on military philosophy I bought the other day.  The one you recommended.”  
  
“Ahh.”  Shepard nodded her recognition of it, recalling the fun they’d had going shopping together that day.  It had been an interesting experience, to say the least.  Sure, they’d done stuff like that together before, but mostly on the Citadel and during the time they’d been after Saren and the geth or the Reapers, when their shopping had been more geared towards the ongoing war.  This time, it had been something much more personal, and certainly more fun.  It had also been a very enlightening adventure for the two of them.  
  
“I’m a bit surprised Liara’s not here,” Shepard murmured after a bit, her eyes drifting back towards the table where the poker group certainly seemed enthused about their game.  “She always did like a good game.”  The asari had also been one of the few who could outwit Vega upon occasion.  
  
Kaidan chuckled.  “Oh, she’s been in and out,” he explained.  “She played a few hands then left about a half hour before you came in.  I’d imagine she’ll be back in a little while.”    
  
“Hmm.”  
  
A loud groan from the direction of the table caught their attention then as they looked to find Dr. Chakwas grinning like the proverbial Cheshire cat, reaching over the table with both arms as she pulled her winnings towards her.  When Joker reached over to ‘assist’ her with stacking her chips, she good naturedly (and lightly) bat his hand away.  “Don’t you even dare, flight lieutenant,” she ordered.    
  
More guffaws and chuckles resounded while Samantha reached for the cards and began shuffling.  Eyes still upon the group behind her and finding herself suddenly very curious, especially given how expertly the comm officer seemed to be sorting the cards at the moment, Shepard called over, “So, Traynor, just out of curiosity, how do your poker skills compare to, say, your ability at chess?”  Shepard suspected she knew the answer.  
  
Samantha, to her credit, kept her smile even but focused on the cards before her.  “Come now, General,” she returned with a slight challenge in her tone, “I can’t be giving away all my secrets.”  
  
Shepard snorted softly as Garrus called out, “Are you certain you won’t join us, Shepard?”  
  
“Now more so than ever,” she told him, her attention falling back to the datapad and its owner beside her.    
  
“What was that all about?” Kaidan murmured absently near her ear.  
  
Shepard smiled but shook her head.  “Later,” she promised.  “I’ll tell you all about the chess match that I should have won.”  Shepard was not surprised to hear a soft, feminine chuckle behind her.    
  
Feeling rather relaxed finally, her earlier nostalgia fading away for the time being, Shepard allowed her thoughts to drift.  It did not take long for her to start slipping in and out of a light doze, particularly with Kaidan’s hand rubbing lightly against her arm as he read.  Finding herself in quite a comfortable position, she had nearly fallen into a deeper sleep when another roar from the group at the card table roused her.  Blinking back momentary confusion as she struggled to sit up, Shepard was not paying attention to the conversation at hand until she overheard, “... shouldn’t really be that difficult to figure out, should it?”  Yawning, Shepard recognized Garrus’ voice.  
  
“That depends,” Traynor interjected.  
  
“What could it depend on?” Joker asked.  “She has to have a first name, doesn’t she?”  
  
Shepard struggled to sit up straighter, distracted only when Kaidan tightened his arm around her.  Glancing up at him, she saw a twinkle in his eyes.  “Just listen,” she heard him whisper, amusement clear in his tone.  Nodding, she ceased her movements and did as he suggested.  
  
“There’s no law that requires someone to have a first name,” Shannon argued reasonably.  This was followed by the sound of poker chips clinking together on the table.  “Call,” she added a moment later.    
  
“Do you seriously believe that she doesn’t have one?” Joker challenged.  “I mean, come on.  I know I go by Joker, but most people know that isn’t my real name.”  
  
“It isn’t?” Shannon tossed back at him with a grin.  She laughed at the look he gave her.  
  
“I think you’re blowing this all out of proportion,” Samantha mused just after.  “Fold.”    
  
“No, Joker has a point,” Garrus returned, siding with the pilot this time.  “All we’ve ever called her by is her last name or her rank.  I find it hard to believe her only name is ‘Shepard.’”  
  
Shepard nearly choked at his words, but no one at the table seemed to notice her response.  They were clearly too involved in their debate.  Sitting up on the couch now, Shepard gave Kaidan a look of incredulity before turning to face the poker players.    
  
“Doctor,” Joker was now saying, “surely _YOU_ must know what her first name is.  You’ve served with her longer than any of the rest of us.”  
  
Blue eyes lifted to meet green and Shepard was suddenly reminded of the last time that she and the good doctor had shared a drink together during the Reaper War.  The woman had, granted while under the influence, waxed philosophic regarding the use of Shepard’s first name.   _To use your first name would disrespect those you fight for and defend_ , or something along those lines.  It was difficult for Shepard to recall, having been slightly inebriated herself at the time.  “Indeed I do,” Dr. Chakwas commented while tossing some chips into the pile.  “Call.”  
  
Joker paused in his commentary for just a moment as he glanced at his hand.  Tossing in his own chips, he continued, “Fine, fine.  I’m in too.”  Then turning back towards the doctor, “Well?  Out with it, doctor!  You _are_ going to share, aren’t you?”  
  
The doctor eyed Joker for a long moment, cards lying face down on the table, hands folded together and resting beneath her chin.  “Joker, do you not understand the concept of doctor-patient privilege?” she enquired.  
  
Shannon turned her hand face up so her companions could see.  “Three of a kind,” she announced.  Sure enough three tens, a five and a two were present.  
  
Joker snorted in response to Chakwas’ comment.  “All we’re asking for here is her name,” he protested, eyeing Garrus who was next to flip his cards.  “Her first name.  That doesn’t fall under the whole ‘privilege’ thing!”  
  
“Straight,” the turian announced.  He gave Shannon a sympathetic look as she eyed the better hand.  “Joker, you’re next.”  
  
Joker flipped his hand over.  “Well?” he asked again, unable or unwilling to keep from needling the doctor.  “Full house,” he told the others.  “Read ‘em and weep.”  Shepard noted he seemed to be quite pleased with himself at the moment.  But she could sense something in the doctor’s attitude that the pilot had not seemed to catch onto just yet.    
  
“Her first name,” Dr. Chakwas announced then, leaning forward and speaking in an overly loud hushed whisper, “is ‘Commander.’  Or, rather,” she quickly corrected herself, “‘General.’  And that is all you need to know.”  Sitting back and managing to keep a straight face, she and Shepard exchanged another look, Shepard smiling but nodding her head slightly in thanks.  “And as for my cards, I’m afraid all I have is two pair,” the doctor continued a moment later.  Fully facing the group at the table then, she ignored Joker’s whoop of delight and flipped over her cards two at a time.  “Two red kings and two black kings.”  
  
For the briefest of moments, there was total silence in the room.  Shepard felt her breath catch in her chest at what had just happened.  A second later, however, laughter broke out, chuckles from all participants, including Joker, reverberated around the room.  Biting her lip, Shepard now felt safe enough in turning her attention back to Kaidan.  “ _You_ remember my first name, don’t you?” she murmured quietly as she snuggled back up at his side.    
  
His chuckle was reassuring, as was the moment he took to nuzzle the hair around her ear with his nose as he whispered, “I most certainly do.  But I save it for special occasions.”    
  
Shepard grinned and turned so that their lips could meet briefly in a kiss.  “Good.”  
  
The voices behind her continued chatting on, mostly good natured ribbing of Joker for his loss and congratulatory exclamations for the doctor.  Shepard for herself settled back against Kaidan, content to drift off into slumber once again.  But this time, as she actively forced herself to relax, she could hear the voices switch gears.    
  
“Well, if we can’t figure out her name,” Joker observed, “perhaps we should come up with a list of names for Shepard junior.”  Shepard could have sworn she felt Kaidan’s arm twitch against her side just then, hear a soft hitch in his breathing at the pilot’s words.  “After all,” he continued, “we can’t let her follow suit with her own kid, can we?”    
  
As the debate rose yet again, Shepard slowly drifted off to sleep, a small, secretive smile forming on her lips.  She’d not spoken to Kaidan about it yet, but she already knew the name of her child, depending on if it was a boy or girl, and she knew he would be pleased with the choices.  But that could wait until later ….


	17. Test Flight

The _Normandy_ ’s arrival at the Charon Relay was timed well in the long run.  Where they normally would have found the device up and running, the element zero core brightly lighting the gyroscopic rings as they rotated, there was nothing but dark stillness.  However, there were some signs of life.  Joker slowed the ship’s approach speed and Traynor was able to make contact with the reconstruction crew that had been aboard the relay for the better part of four months now, receiving updated information on the progress made so far.    
  
The _Normandy_ and her crew spent several days there observing progress and discussing with the engineers and others aboard the device what equipment and resources might still be required to complete the reconstruction.  This information was relayed back to Earth, directly to Admiral Hackett’s office.  In the meantime, Tali, Garrus and Kaidan and some of the _Normandy_ ’s engineers were shuttled over to the main structure by Cortez so that they could see and examine the progress for themselves and provide whatever expertise they might have on the matter.    
  
After the fifth day Kaidan returned from one such visit to find Shepard in the observation lounge staring out at the relay itself a datapad in hand though currently unused.  “There you are,” he commented quietly while entering the room.  
  
“Hmm,” she murmured as he took a seat beside her.  “Here I am.”  Taking the time to lean over against his shoulder, she continued to stare quietly outside the window.  
  
“Everything okay?” he asked, wrapping his arm around her.  He’d noticed over the past several days as they’d remained in orbit with the relay that Shepard had withdrawn somewhat, distancing herself from him as well as the others.  He suspected whether she knew it or not it had more to do with the uncertainty of their next plan of action.  They were trying to give Liara’s contacts just a bit more time to report back, but so far, no information had been received.     
  
Shepard sighed while taking a moment to simply enjoy the feel of his arm around her.  He was worrying again.  She hated that she was causing him to do so.  But their arrival at the Charon Relay had had an unexpected result for which she’d not been prepared:  Guilt.  
  
At the time she’d stood atop the Citadel, her discussion with the Catalyst complete, her decision made, Shepard had focused on the one goal for which they had been fighting all throughout the war: the destruction of the Reapers.  She’d understood the Catalyst’s warnings of repercussions, accepted that it would most likely result in her death and the deaths of others, but the Catalyst had assured her (at her prompting) that things would be able to be rebuilt.  Some things, at any rate.  
  
The one thing she’d hadn’t taken into full consideration was the cost that would have to be paid in order to achieve victory.  
  
At the time she had willingly sacrificed any thought of a personal future in order to reach the ultimate goal: the destruction of the Reapers, the freedom of the galaxy from such a threat in future.  She’d understood that there would be losses - how many times had she and Garrus discussed the ‘ruthless calculus’ of war during those months?  It was an abstract concept, but one that was not lost on her.    
  
However, at the time of her decision, the only thing she had literally seen was what was right before her eyes: the triggering mechanism that would make it all happen.  She hadn’t actually envisioned the future and what possible end results might be.  The actual lives lost.  The physical destruction of communication and transportation relays.  It had been her fault that the _Normandy_ had ended up crash landed, stranded for months.  How many others had suffered the same fate simply by being in the wrong place at the wrong time?  Ships going down?  Communications systems destroyed.  How many worlds had been cut off from trade routes vital to their survival?    
  
“How could I have done this?”  
  
A strong grip on her shoulder had Shepard turning to face him and she realized then that she’d spoken the words aloud.  “Shepard, don’t.”  She felt tears spring to her eyes then.  He knew how she thought.  Understood the way her thought processes worked.  He could read her on a level no other person ever had, though in her youth her twin had, and more recently Thane had come very close.    
  
“Kaidan, I -”  
  
“Don’t,” he insisted, his hands moving to cradle her face and force her to look up at him when she would have turned away.  Though his touch was gentle, she could do nothing but comply.  “You made the right choice,” he reminded her.  “You made the _only_ decision you could under the circumstances.  No matter which one you made, there would have been casualties.”  
  
Pulling back from him, she felt a sob working its way up her chest.  Why she was having such a violent reaction to all of this right now, she was not certain, but the guilt and grief had latched onto her for the time being.  She lurched to her feet and stumbled over to the window, staring out at the Charon Relay as she did so.  “Kaidan, you … you don’t understand,” she rasped, her hands pressing against the glass.  She heard him rise, felt him step up behind her, but he did not block her in, did not touch her just then.  “I … I should have died,” she choked out.  “I was _prepared_ to die!  If it meant no one else would have to suffer … then I would have given myself willingly!”  
  
She felt his arms slide around her from behind now, holding her upright, offering her support.  He did not argue against her words, though, which was a relief.  They’d had this discussion before.  She wasn’t ranting to him like this to upset him, to remind him of what almost had happened, of what they would have lost out on.  She knew he understood.  No, she was trying to sort it all out in her own head once and for all, to her own satisfaction, to be certain she had made the right choice for everyone in the galaxy, not just herself or for him.  “Why?” she pleaded in a soft keening wail as she turned in his arms to face him, her hand rising in a fist to pound weakly at his shoulder.  “Why didn’t it take me?  Did I do something wrong?  Is there still something out there to face?  Does the Reaper threat still exist out there?  Somewhere?  Was it …,” she gulped, “was it all for … nothing?”  
  
Kaidan’s arms tightened around her, one hand coming to rest at the back of her head, pressing it to his shoulder.  “I wish I had answers for you, Shepard.  More than you will ever know, if only so you could find some peace of mind.  But I don’t.”  He paused for a moment in which all that could be heard was their breathing, his calm and controlled, hers still slightly ragged and uneasy.  “All I can tell you is this,” he finally continued.  “You were spared for a reason.  I would tell you that reason if I could, but I can’t.”  Bending his head a bit he placed a kiss atop her head.  “I can’t say I’m sorry you survived, you know that.  Maybe it’s selfish, I don’t know.  But what I do know is that you are the strongest person I know.  Have known.  Ever.  That there is a reason you survived, whatever it is, I have no doubt.  And I will be here to help you, by your side.  Every step from here forward.  As long as you will have me.”  
  
Shepard slid her arms around his waist as she sobbed, his words hitting home.  “I can’t,” she whispered after a time.  “I can’t do this … without you.  Not anymore.”  
  
“You won’t have to,” he promised, arms tightening around her.  Not if he could help it, anyway.    


* * *

  
  
“Well, what’s the verdict?”  
  
Kaidan leaned his hip against the side of Joker’s seat, arms crossed as he stared at the open and constantly updating displays before the pilot.  He could read them well enough himself, hell back in their early days together he’d been the man’s copilot.  But now, serving as captain of the _Normandy_ , well, this was a bit different.  He valued his team’s input and experience.  When he asked a question, he seriously wanted their input.  Thankfully, they seemed to understand that.  Right now, it meant more than anything to him, too.  Not just because having the mass relay working again would ease things up for the Sol system, or that it should re-establish some primitive comm buoy systems and the like for communication with the rest of the galaxy.  Mostly, though, it was because of what he planned to do next … and the lives that might be put into danger if he made the wrong choice.    
  
He heard footsteps behind him, recognized the soft booted steps as they entered the bridge.  As if he needed a reminder just how important this decision was ….  
  
“Looks good to me, Major,” Joker replied.  “I mean, there won’t be as much direction behind it, that’s for sure, but it’ll get us out of the system at least.  Possibly all the way to the Exodus Cluster. I just don’t know.”  
  
“And if it doesn’t?” Kaidan asked.  “What then?  A repeat of last time?”  
  
Joker glanced up over his shoulder at Kaidan, an astonished look crossing his face.  “Seriously?  Did you just ask me that?”  When Kaidan’s serious look didn’t fade at all, the pilot lifted his hands in surrender.  “Fine, fine.  Have it your way.  Whatever happens, major, we will be fine.  Remember, you’ve got the best pilot in the entire galaxy flying the best ship money can buy.”  
  
A soft snort from the doorway reminded Kaidan she was standing there and both men turned to look in her direction.  Finding a smirk pulling at her lips, Kaidan wasn’t surprised when she commented dryly, “Absolutely no ego involved at all, is there, Joker?”  
  
Joker grinned up at Shepard.  “No ma’am.  None at all.”  
  
Kaidan sighed.  Shepard seemed at ease enough with Joker’s comments, yet she hadn’t been here the last time.  Granted, last time they’d been trying to outrun the Crucible too.  So maybe what Joker was telling him was accurate after all.   _What about_ ….  “Would waiting another couple of days make much difference?” he asked.  Though that would be taking a chance too.  They still didn’t know if the people after Shepard at the moment were able to follow them through the relay just yet … assuming they went through.  
  
“Nope,” Joker insisted, right hand lifting and pointing at one of his screens.  It appeared to be a timetable of sorts.  “Look, Kaidan,” he continued, the use of Kaidan’s first name telling him just how sure of himself Joker was at that moment, “it’s going to take months to get the relay back online completely.  We’ll have just about as much luck right now as we will two months from now.”  Green eyes met brown.  “Four months even.  I can _do_ this.”  
  
Kaidan didn’t dare glance over at Shepard just then.  For starters, it would undermine his authority as captain of the ship if it even looked as if he was openly looking for Shepard’s guidance.  Plus there was the fact that most of his concern was centered around her safety and that of their child.  He was concerned about the entire ship, there was no question of that, but having Shepard on board now simply upped the ante for him personally.    
  
“Do it,” he finally ordered, his sigh echoing just slightly in the enclosed area.  “How long until you’re ready?”  
  
“Give me fifteen minutes.”  
  
“Right.”  Now Kaidan turned towards Shepard and walked with her back out towards the CIC.    
  
“Eden Prime?” she asked.  
  
Kaidan wasn’t a bit surprised by her question.  “Yeah.  I figure the colony is still there - we _did_ stop there on our return just a few weeks ago - they have to have something we can provision with, right?”  
  
She nodded.  “Sounds reasonable.  God knows, we left in such a hurry … we need to stop somewhere.”  
  
“Hmm.”  As they entered the CIC, he turned to face her, asking, “Will you do me a favor, please?”   
  
Shepard glanced up at him and searched his face for a moment.  He saw concern in her eyes.  Concern for him, knowing her, though why exactly she’d be concerned for him at that moment he wasn’t sure..  However, he couldn’t hold back a small smile from forming in return which softened his face just a bit.  “Anything,” he heard her murmur while noting she smiled back at him.    
  
“Go buckle in somewhere,” he murmured, lifting his hand to touch hers briefly.  Just a quick brushing of skin, the back of her hand, the feeling a reminder to him that she really was here.  “Just to be safe.”  
  
She opened her mouth, presumably to protest, and he could see that she wanted to by the look in her eyes.  But she surprised him by closing her mouth once more and nodding instead.  Leaning over, she kissed his cheek and replied, “As you wish,” before turning away to walk off.  His first thought was that her easy acceptance should have worried him, a warning that there would be, at the very least, a heated discussion about this later.  But just as quickly as the thought popped into his head, it left as he realized it was much more simple than that.  She trusted him.  He trusted her.     
  
After watching Shepard step onto the elevator on the far side of the CIC, he turned back towards the cockpit and stepped up beside Joker’s seat once more.  “Ready to do this?” he asked.  
  
Joker chuckled.  “You don’t have to ask me twice ….”

* * *

  
  
The jump via the mass relay went as well as could be expected, he supposed.  Though Joker had been correct in his assessment that there would still be issues with making accurate jumps from point to point, they did manage to make it to the Exodus Cluster.  A bit beyond, even.  They arrived easily enough, slipping easily and safely back into normal space, but the momentum gained from the device had them overshooting their intended destination.  Again.  Just like the previous time, minus the crash landing.  From the moment they entered the system, Kaidan was in contact with Traynor and several of the other specialists on board to identify their current location.  From that point on it was simply a matter of adjusting their navigation systems with the updated coordinates and waiting.  
  
Once assured that all was well, if a little bit off track, Kaidan went in search of Shepard.  He found her in their cabin a short time later.  “Hey,” he called out as he entered the quarters.  As usual, he found her seated down below.  A few quick steps had him beside her in no time.  
  
Glancing up from the datapad in her hand, Shepard offered him a smile as she rose from the sofa and stepped over next to him.  “Hey there.  All good?” she asked.    
  
He nodded.  “Sort of,” he clarified.  “Joker was right: they still need to make adjustments.”  
  
Shepard’s brow arched in question.  That didn’t sound good.  “Overshot or undershot?” she asked.  Either way, it would add some time until their arrival at Eden Prime.  
  
“Overshot.”  
  
Shepard sighed, but nodded.  They’d ended up in the Asgard System then.  It was a two day trip between Asgard and Utopia at FTL speed.  “Well,” she murmured, giving him a smile of what she hoped came across as encouragement, “it could be worse.”  When he gave her a questioning look, she grinned and added, “The _Normandy_ could have crashed again.”  
  
Kaidan groaned and moved to sit down, pulling her down beside him.  “Not funny,” he muttered, even though he was chuckling softly along with her.  “Once was more than enough for me.”  
  
“Indeed.”  Shepard fell into the sofa beside him, quick to lean up against him.  “So,” she murmured, smiling a bit as his fingers began stroking up and down her arm in an absent fashion, “we’re going back to Eden Prime?”  
  
“Hmm.  Yes.”  Kaidan glanced down at her.  “Are you alright with that?” he asked suddenly.    
  
Shepard blinked.  “Kaidan, this is your ship,” she reminded him gently.  “You’re the commanding officer.”  
  
“And you’re the ranking officer,” he returned.  Turning sideways to face her, he added, “Besides, I should have discussed this with you before since this entire ‘trip’ is to keep you safe.”  
  
Shepard sighed softly.  “Okay, we clearly need to work on the communications thing again,” she observed lightly.  “If that’s all that’s bothering you -”  
  
Leaning forward, Kaidan lifted his hand to cradle her cheek, to tilt her head so that she was looking at him.  “Eden Prime has a lot of memories associated with it for you, both good and bad.  For all of us even,” he told her quietly.  “I didn’t take that into consideration when I set it as our destination.”   
  
Shepard lifted her hand to cover his.  “Kaidan, it’s fine.  Really,” she assured him.  “It makes the most sense, I understand that.  I will grant you, there are plenty of reasons I might have avoided stopping here, but seeing as ‘beggars can’t be choosers,’ we’re lucky to have a colony we can reach at all, right?  I assume we’ll land at Constant?”  He nodded.  They had their best chance for luck at the capital city.  “Good.  Better chance of finding supplies,” she mused.  Pulling from his touch, she shifted so she could sit with her back against the sofa, a move that did nothing to hide her current condition.  Lowering a hand to flatten the material over her waist, she added, “Like … finding me appropriate clothing I can wear?”  
  
Kaidan blinked.  “What?”  Her amused smile told him she wasn’t taking the fact he’d not noticed as a personal affront, which was good.  But it was only now that he really gave her current wardrobe a good look.  He supposed he’d just taken it all for granted - the N7 hoodie, the t-shirt and fatigues.  It had been her usual wardrobe during the war, so why wouldn’t it be now?  But the closer he looked, he could see the differences from before.  The hoodie that was too wide across her shoulders and had the sleeves cuffed up twice at her wrists, that didn’t so much hide her condition rather than just obscure it.  The oversized regulation t-shirt she wore below that was beginning to stretch around her waist, but not too badly yet.  He could see the ever growing bulge there, a thought that had a silly grin forming across his lips as he absently reached down to pat it.  Lifting his eyes to meet hers, he felt a bit of heat at his cheeks as he murmured, “Sorry.”  
  
Shepard giggled and quickly moved closer to him, turning, resting her head on his shoulder and moving his hand so he could rest it flatly against where their child slept.  At the moment, her ‘bump’ was still small enough that his hand nearly covered the entire thing, but she knew that would change soon.  Both doctors had assured her of that.  “Don’t be silly,” she told him.  “Anyway, I’ve managed so far, but I’m going to be hitting the point soon where I won’t be able to.  It would be interesting if we were to stay out longer and I didn’t have other options, maybe.”  He rolled his eyes at her teasing tone.  After a soft chuckle at his expense, she sighed and snuggled closer to him.  “I just hope I can find something that will work,” she explained.  “I’m not … used to this.”  She waved her hand vaguely above her, clearly referencing her pregnancy.  
  
“Hmm.”  Kaidan had to admit he liked having her beside him like this.  He’d always found the closeness they shared to be something incredibly special between them.  He hadn’t been certain after their separation just how quickly they might be able to find that again, though.  Last time it had taken a long while to return.  But this time ….  “Have you tried asking Dr. Chakwas or Dr. Michel?” he enquired.  “They might be able to help.”  
  
Shepard smiled and he could feel her lips moving against his neck as they curved.  “I will later,” she promised.    
  
They sat that way for a time, in companionable silence.  After a while, Kaidan thought perhaps Shepard had fallen asleep, her breathing had taken on a very steady rhythm, that it had synced with his own was only a secondary observation.  He was surprised then when she spoke up, asking, “Kaidan?  After Eden Prime, what are we going to do?  We can’t keep running pell mell across the galaxy like this.  We need a plan.”  
  
He found the image that thought presented amusing and chuckled softly.  “Why not?” he teased.  “It’s not like we’ve ever really gone into any large mission with a plan of action, right?  ‘Here’s your goal.  Here are a few places to check for details.  Go get it done.’”  His voice had dropped as if he were imitating someone issuing orders to them, but at least it got her laughing again.    
  
“True enough,” she agreed with a chuckle.    
  
“I’ll contact Hackett,” Kaidan assured her a moment later in a more serious tone.  “See what he has to say.  In the meantime we’ll see if Liara can come up with any leads.  Who knows, maybe we’ll find out something while we’re on Eden Prime.”  When she turned to look up at him, he noted the skeptical look on her face.  “What?” he challenged reasonably.    
  
Sighing, she replied, “Eden Prime hasn’t exactly been the safest place to visit the past few times we’ve been there.”  
  
Though silently he had to admit she was right, Kaidan didn’t voice this thought.  Instead, he tightened his arm around her and promised quietly, “This time, it will be.”  And he knew he would do whatever it would take to guarantee that for her.


	18. Back Where It All Began

The arrival of the _Normandy_ in the capital city of Eden Prime, even as devastated as it had been during the war, was apparently cause for celebration for those who remained.  Landing procedures, at least after the initial moments of shock and confusion at a ship from Earth arriving, finally were sorted.  Once it became clear that it wasn’t just _any_ ship but the _Normandy_ , word spread like wildfire so that by the time the landing party was ready to disembark a mass of civilians were lined up along the landing platform waiting to greet them.  
  
Under any other circumstances, this might not have presented any worry to the crew of the ship.  After all, they understood that the celebrations were as much a way for the populace to express their thanks for all that had been done during the war as it was an opportunity to show their appreciation to the woman who had led the way through it all.  However, given their hasty departure from Earth and the reasons behind it, extra precautions were put into place and what once might have been the norm was now shuffled aside.  Consultations ensued with Shepard, Garrus, Liara and a few others, and it was eventually decided that the majority of the crew wishing to go planetside would do so through the main hatch, and thereby distract the civilian delegation waiting on them outside the doors.  At the same time, Shepard (complete with tactical cloak) would disembark through the shuttle bay doors accompanied by Garrus and Shannon.  Eventually, all parties would meet up in the marketplace where they would break into their individual groups and continue on as if nothing was out of the ordinary.     
  
As a quickly devised plan, it worked well enough for their purposes, and within a half hour Shepard found herself once more beside Kaidan … as well as Liara, Shannon and Garrus.  While in any normal situation she knew this would be a likely pairing for an outing on shore leave, Shepard knew full well the intent was more for protective purposes rather than a social outing.  
  
They walked through the marketplace, and Shepard was quick to note the recovery progress that had been made throughout the area after the devastation sustained during the Reaper War.  With Liara leading the actual questioning, Shepard took the time to listen into the discussion with several of the shopkeepers.  From their comments, it appeared that most of the damage and strife had come at the hands of Cerberus, despite their interest being focused on the other side of the planet.  It had only been near the end of the war that the Reapers had shown any interest in the system.  The damage that had been done was quickly being rebuilt, though, and after the capital city had become a refugee site for many who had fled the Citadel right before the Illusive Man and the Reapers had occupied it, it was being expanded as well.  
  
Before disembarking the _Normandy_ , every crew member had been briefed to listen out for news from other worlds.  They had been lucky to make it this far, true enough, and certainly would bring news of Earth and its recovery to those willing to listen, but on the flipside of that was the potential for information from other colonies and homeworlds, no matter the location or species.  For some, particularly Garrus and Tali, this might be the first time they would be able to hear something about the fates of Palaven and Rannoch.  
  
After initial inquiries had been made, however, top priority for Shepard became finding clothing that would fit.  Liara and Shannon were all too eager to assist with this process Shepard noted.  Liara she had expected this from, Shannon not so much but she found she wasn’t really surprised by it either.  Kaidan and Garrus simply rolled their eyes (that _had been_ expected) and made disgruntled noises (mostly Garrus) but they remained close by.  While Shepard was content to find just a few comfortable looking outfits that might last throughout the remainder of her pregnancy (not knowing if, when or where they’d be able to stop again), it ended up being Liara and Shannon who badgered her into finding additional clothing appropriate for her current ‘station.’  
  
Shepard blinked in confusion.  “My ‘station?’” she echoed.  
  
Shannon and Liara nodded in unison.  “Of course,” Liara was quick to pounce.  “You are a Council Spectre after all.”  
  
“Not to mention a war hero and decorated General in the Systems Alliance,” Shannon added.  
  
Shepard frowned at the two women.  “What does that have to do with anything?”  
  
Shannon glanced at Liara and the asari back at the human before both started giggling softly.  “What?  I mean, I know the importance of it, yes, but really ….”  
  
Swallowing back amusement, Liara handed over a dress to Shepard.  “Shepard, you will need to have more formal things you can wear.  Especially now that you won’t even have your Alliance dress blues.”  
  
“But … Liara, this isn’t business or a pleasure cruise we’re on.  I’m on the run from people trying to kill me!” Shepard protested while taking a step backwards from the item that Liara was trying to hand her.  It wasn’t that she disliked dresses, per se (not that she was a _huge_ fan either, just indifferent most times.  She always ended up feeling overexposed in them.  Though that one Kasumi had her wearing on Beckenstein hadn’t been bad), but rather she really preferred wearing comfortable clothing.  Things that helped keep her warm were a bonus.  “It’s highly unlikely that I’ll be attending any formal functions!”   
  
“You’re still a Council Spectre,” Shannon reminded her.  Liara nodded her agreement.  “If nothing else ….”  
  
Shepard gave both of them her best, _You have got to be kidding me if you think I’m wearing a dress like that as a Council Spectre,_ look.  “No.”  
  
“But, Shepard!”  
  
“Absolutely not.”  
  
“Just try it on?” Liara encouraged.    
  
“How in the _hell_ am I to act like a Council Spectre running around in something like that?”  Shepard could feel her irritation rising now.  
  
Garrus chuckled as he wandered over to join them.  “Personally, I’m not sure I want to see you running in your current condition anyway,” he commented.  
  
It was at this point (or perhaps it was the soft growling sound Shepard made in the back of her throat - the one he knew meant that the potential for an explosive outburst was nearing) that Kaidan realized what was happening and wandered over to investigate.  He took one look at Liara and Shannon, a quick scan of the dress (he had to admit, he thought it might look good on Shepard, the color was one that complimented her eyes) and then an appraising look at Shepard.  “Why not just try it on?” he suggested evenly.  When Shepard gave him a somewhat withering look, he just smiled and added, “Where is the harm in trying it?”    
  
Sighing in exasperation, Shepard grabbed the dress with little grace and stalked off to the changing area.  The two women giggled again, but Kaidan knew better than to look at them.  Turning back towards Garrus who had moved back to stand near the doorway, he just shook his head and stepped away.    
  
Five minutes later, and against her better judgement (she’d been in this situation before with Liara involved and she could just _see_ it going down that same path - the only people missing were James, Chakwas, Tali and Traynor), she rejoined them.  “So … there,” she announced, clearly unimpressed with the garment.  Tossing her hands in the air, she allowed them to fall by her side, the soft slapping sounds as they hit material-clad legs catching everyone’s attention along with her tone.    
  
Turning, Kaidan caught her gaze first - the warning look she shot him was definitely on the aggressive side of things he noticed - and for the first minute, they just stared at each other and he didn’t really see the complete picture.  It was only after he blinked, eye contact breaking, that he felt his eyes widening in surprise, an appreciative smile pulling at his lips as he took it all in.  Why she hated wearing a dress so much, he could only guess at, but on the few occasions he had seen her in more formal wear, he’d found her to be quite beautiful.  
  
“Shepard,” Liara breathed, all teasing gone from her tone, “you look -”  
  
Shepard’s eyes narrowed in on her friend.  “Yes?”  The hard edge to her tone was one they all recognized as her ‘no nonsense, I’m giving you a direct order’ sort of tone.    
  
“Stunning,” Kaidan broke in to finish.  Liara’s nod assured him he’d found the proper descriptive.  “I like it,” he added with a smile.  She seemed surprised when her eyes found his again, but he simply nodded once in encouragement.    
  
“Oh, … Shepard,” Shannon breathed, her hands rising to cover her mouth as her eyes widened.  She’d been instructed to not refer to her boss by her rank while on land and the lieutenant had nearly blown it just then, only managing to catch herself at the last minute.    
  
Shepard turned towards Garrus.  Brow lifting in slight challenge, she murmured, “Well, Vakarian?  Might as well make this obvious attempt at railroading me into this purchase a unanimous one.  What’s your input?”  
  
Garrus met her challenge with a slight flare of his mandibles, a turian sign of a grin.  “Hell, Shepard,” he replied dryly, “I don’t even know what ‘railroading’ means.”  Shepard’s eyes darkened, but Liara and Shannon both just giggled.  Kaidan, wisely, turned away to hide his amusement.  “What I _do_ know is that if I answer that question, then I’ll just have to find a new hiding place for my rifle.  Best to just keep my mouth shut this time.”  
  
Shepard turned away, eyes rolling.  “Lame, Vakarian,” she murmured.  
  
“Judicious,” he returned.  “If there’s anything I’ve learned from you over these past few years, it’s how to pick and choose my battles wisely.”  
  
There was a moment of absolute silence in which Liara, Shannon and Kaidan all turned towards the turian, startled by his response, and their eyes darted back and forth between Shepard and the him, unsure of what her reaction might be.    
  
Shepard snorted in amusement.   “Alright, I’ll give you that one,” she muttered before turning back towards the changing room.  
  
“Wait!” Liara called after her, hurrying over to hand her a couple of other items.  “Try these too.”  
  
While Shepard continued searching for an appropriate wardrobe, Kaidan glanced over at Garrus.  “Nice save,” he commented mildly.  
  
Garrus chuckled.  “Thanks.”  
  
Kaidan walked back towards the doorway to glance around outside for a minute.  Eyes flitting over the scene before him, he surveyed every little detail, classifying it as friendly or otherwise.  Old instincts had kicked in, sure, but it was more than that.  So much more was at stake this time, and he wasn’t going to take any unnecessary chances.  
  
The sound of soft footsteps moving beside him had Kaidan glancing down.  “Lieutenant,” he murmured, eyes still checking out the market place.    
  
“Sir.”  Shannon remained at attention, but her eyes, too, had moved to follow his outside.   
  
After a moment, Kaidan commented quietly, “You never have told me what happened to Nick and Drew.”  He saw her flinch, just the slightest twitch at the corner of her eyes, but it was enough for him to understand.  Sighing, he added, “I’m so sorry.”  
  
Taking a deep breath, Shannon glanced up at him.  “We’ve all suffered losses,” she told him matter-of-factly.    
  
“Some of us more than others.”  
  
Shannon sighed.  Hand lifting so she could pinch the bridge of her nose, she murmured, “They were on a recon mission.  Supposed to be meeting up with someone in the Boston area.  As far as we can tell, their contact was indoctrinated.  Betrayed them.  I still don’t know if ….”  
  
“Oh, God.”  Kaidan groaned at the implication of her words.  “Shannon, stop,” he urged.  “Don’t relive it.”  
  
She shook her head and gave him a sad smile.  “I’ve … learned to live with it,” she replied.  “I miss them terribly sometimes, but I have years of memories I can pull from when I need them close.”  Taking a deep breath, she held it for a long moment before releasing it.  “The Admiral asked for me specifically, you know,” she finally told him in an attempt to change the topic.  
  
“Oh?”   
  
She nodded.  “Not that I would have refused an order for a mission or anything, but I didn’t take it because of him.”  
  
Kaidan felt a smile starting to tilt at the corner of his lips.  “Why then?”  
  
“Any of us would have done,” she informed him.  “After the stories you told us?  The missions?  We did it for you, sir.  And for her.”  The smile she gave him then was more complete than a few moments before.    
  
“Thank you.”  He was about to add more when he heard Shepard and Liara behind him.  Both he and Shannon turned to find the two going at one another yet again.  When Shannon giggled, Kaidan glanced down at her.    
  
“Are they always like this?” she asked.  
  
Kaidan had to chuckle.  “No, not always,” he assured her.  “And don’t let it fool you.  They’d give their life for each other.”  
  
Shannon nodded solmenly.  “That much is clear.”    
  
“Oh, just get it all then, why don’t you?” Shepard finally groused, hands tossing in the air again.  “Jesus, Liara … why do you do this to me?  Why do I _let_ you do this to me?”  
  
While Liara tried to respond to that, Kaidan murmured to Shannon, “I think perhaps we’d best move on to another shop.”  Giggling, Shannon nodded and moved to pull the two apart.  Kaidan followed and managed to direct Shepard to the side while asking Liara to have arrange for the purchases to be sent to the ship.  Necessities attended to, Kaidan slid an arm around her waist and led Shepard towards the door and outside into the fresh air and away from the shop.  After a few minutes, he asked, “Better now?”  
  
Shepard sighed heavily before dropping her head against his shoulder.  “Sorry.”  
  
He chuckled softly.  “It’s okay,” he told her.  “Next time I’ll just send someone to do your shopping for you.  How’s that?”  
  
“Oh, God,” she groaned, eyes closing and heat rushing to her cheeks.  “I just made an ass out of myself in there.  Didn’t I?”  
  
Kaidan tightened his arm around her.  “No, not really.”  When her eyes shot open and she looked up at him, he added lightly, “Well, not much anyway.”  
  
“Oh, you!” she exclaimed, punching his shoulder.  
  
“Ow!  Hey, no beating on the ship’s captain!” he protested with a laugh.  
  
“I outrank you!” she returned cheekily.  
  
“Then no beating the father of your child.”  
  
Shepard snorted softly.  “Alright, I’ll give you that one -”  
  
The quickness with which her words trailed off had Kaidan’s instincts actively shifting to a full state of alert even before she Shepard stiffened beside him.  Eyes scanning around, he could see no sign of a threat, but he still signalled Garrus with a double tap to his communicator, a signal they’d arranged before leaving the _Normandy_.  “Shepard …?”  
  
“Oh dear God ….”  
  
Her whispered voice trailed off which only served to increase Kaidan’s concern but then she surprised him even further by pulling away from him.  “Shepard, wait!” he called after her, but she was moving quickly.  Garrus caught up to him a moment later, Liara and Shannon close behind, and all four trailed after Shepard as she moved through the crowded market square.    
  
“What is she doing?” Garrus asked.  
  
“No idea,” Kaidan replied.  “We were talking one minute and the next she just … took off.”  
  
They saw Shepard slow down suddenly as she joined a small group of people on the far side of the square.  As she reached a hand out to touch a shoulder, Kaidan heard Garrus grunt softly beside him before putting his weapon away.  “It’s okay.”  
  
Kaidan frowned.  “What do you mean, ‘It’s okay’?” he demanded, though he now could tell that the person to whom Shepard was speaking was a drell, and he certainly didn’t seem to be threatening in any way that Kaidan could tell.  Kaidan had not met many drell, and the only one he’d known on a personal level of any sort had died during the war.  This one had different coloring, so far as he could remember.  Thane’s had been darker shades of green whereas this one seemed to be more of a bluish-green ….  
  
“I mean,” Garrus repeated calmly, “that it’s okay.  I know him, Kaidan, and so does Shepard.  This is ….”

* * *

  
  
Shepard smiled as he turned to face her.  “Kolyat!  It is you!”  She saw the look of surprise that in both his facial expression and the way in which he pulled back from her a half step, but it disappeared just as quickly as it had arrived.  
  
“Commander Shepard,” he greeted her.  “What an unexpected pleasure.”  
  
Shepard chuckled.  Hand reaching out, she gently touched his arm.  Smiling sadly, she commented, “You sound just like your father at times, Kolyat.”  
  
He covered her hand with his own then, patting gently.  “I will take that as the compliment I know it to have been,” he replied.  Glancing around them, he asked, “I am surprised to see you here.  Did you come alone?”  He looked her over head to toe as well.  Dressed casually, not armed.   
  
“That,” she told him, “is a rather long and complicated story.  I am not alone, no.”  Looking up at him, she met his gaze.  “Would it be possible for us to get out of the open some place?  We have a lot to discuss, but I don’t like being exposed like this.”  She glanced over her shoulder quickly, caught a glimpse of Garrus and Kaidan nearby and relaxed somewhat, but she still felt as if she was tempting fate.    
  
“I would like that, Commander, but I am what you humans call ‘on the clock’ at the moment?”  
  
Shepard could not hide her amusement at the use of the expression and chuckled softly.  “I understand,” she assured him.  “I tell you what.  How about joining us on the _Normandy_ for dinner this evening?  There will likely be a few familiar faces there you will know.  And we can trade stories.  You tell me how you came to be here of all places and I will tell you about the journey that has brought me here.”  
  
Kolyat nodded.  “That will be acceptable,” he agreed.  “But for now I must go.  Until this evening.”  With a slight bow that reminded Shepard a great deal of Thane, she watched him turn and depart.    
  
Soft booted steps alerted Shepard that Kaidan had neared.  “Are you alright?”  
  
Turning towards him, Shepard smiled.  “That was Kolyat Krios,” she told him quietly.   “Thane’s son.”  
  
Kaidan nodded.  “Garrus told us.  Are you sure you don’t want to speak to him longer?”  
  
Shepard shook her head.  “He says he’s working at the moment.  I didn’t want to keep him too long.  However, I did invite him to dine with us this evening.”  She glanced up at him.  “He and I need to talk.”  
  
Kaidan nodded again and moved into step with her as she turned back towards the center of the marketplace.  “I understand.” he murmured.  

* * *

  
  
“Commander Bailey asked if I would assist in evacuating those civilians who could leave,” Kolyat explained later that evening.  “We escaped the Citadel right before the Reapers arrived.”  
  
Shepard sat back on the sofa as she listened to him speak.  Garrus, Liara and Kaidan were there as well as Dr. Chakwas and Dr. Michel.  After sharing their meal, they’d settled into the lounge for drinks and a more relaxed atmosphere for sharing stories.  “And Bailey?” Shepard asked quietly.  “Did he make it out?”  
  
Kolyat shrugged.  “I honestly do not know, Shepard,” he replied.  “The plan as I understood it was for him and some of the C-Sec team to lead the Council to safety.  My ship made it here before the mass relays were destroyed and all contact with any of the outer systems was lost.  You are the first to have arrived since the mass relays were destroyed.”  He paused for a moment, then asked, “Does that mean the relays are now repaired?”  
  
Shepard and Kaidan exchanged a quick look.  “Not exactly,” she replied.    
  
“We came through the Charon relay,” Kaidan explained, “but it dropped us into the Asgard system.  As for other relays, we don’t know yet.  This was our first attempt at leaving the Sol System.”  
  
Kolyat nodded.  “I understand.”  
  
Shepard watched him closely.  “Are you wanting to leave Eden Prime, Kolyat?”    
  
He gave her a long, considering look.  Shepard searched his face, attempting to read him as she had Thane, but Kolyat … he apparently had learned how to mask his reactions even better than Thane had.  Or perhaps it had just been too long since she’d tried reading a drell.    
  
“I have been content here,” he explained.  “Assisting the humans with rebuilding the colony, helping the refugees find new homes.  All of that has been … rewarding in its own way.”  
  
Shepard smiled and shifted in her seat a bit.  “But?”  
  
He actually gave her a small smile.  “But, I find myself with a sort of … mission, I guess you could call it,” he explained.    
  
Shepard blinked in surprise.  “A mission?  What sort of mission?”  To be honest, she wasn’t even certain what Kolyat could have become involved with that might give him a ‘mission.’  
  
“Perhaps I’ve worked around Commander Bailey too long,” he admitted.  “Or maybe it was the stories my father told me of your adventures together.”  
  
Garrus interrupted here with chuckle of wry amusement.  “I can imagine,” he murmured as all eyes turned towards him.  “What?  We did have some interesting times then.”  Glancing over at Shepard, he added, “Didn’t we?”  
  
Shepard smiled back at him and nodded her agreement.  “That we did, my friend.  That we did.”  
  
“They might have been interesting from your perspective,” Dr. Chakwas protested, “but I seem to recall some rather intense moments in the med bay as a result of them.”  
  
Shepard shuddered lightly as several of those ‘rather intense moments’ came back to mind.  Garrus after being hit in the face with the gunship rocket, especially.  A strong grip at her shoulder pulled her attention back to the present before it could fully leave, however, and she turned to find Kaidan scooting just a bit closer, his touch helping keep her in the present.  Offering him a warm smile, she lifted a hand to briefly settle over his.  Sighing, she glanced back over at Kolyat only to find him watching her intently.  “What sort of … mission is this?” she repeated.  “If you don’t mind my asking.  Is it something Commander Bailey had you working on?”  
  
Shifting forward in his seat, Kolyat clasped his hands together and tilted his head to look over at Shepard in a thoughtful manner.  Shepard found it to be slightly disconcerting to recognize the father so clearly in the son simply because of these actions.  “Not exactly.”  There was a hesitation present that alerted Shepard to the seriousness of the issue at hand.  “This is a decision I made on my own.”  
  
Leaning forward, Shepard reached out to touch Kolyat’s arm.  “Is there some way in which we can help?” she asked.  
  
Their eyes met and held.  “Possibly.  I am not even certain where I would begin, to be honest.  All I know is that there is a danger out there and something must be done.”  
  
Liara spoke up then, having remained quietly in the background, listening.  “Why not share your story with us?” she offered.  “Between us, we might be able to offer suggestions as to an appropriate path for you to follow up with it.”  
  
Musing silently for a moment, Kolyat finally nodded once, firmly, and then began speaking again.  “Several days ago, I was assisting with a shipment at the docks.  While we do not see much interplanetary trade at the moment, our networks with other outposts here on Eden Prime are resuming their normal trade patterns.”    
  
“A good sign,” Garrus commented.   
  
“Indeed,” Kolyat acknowledged.  “The transport ship itself was nothing remarkable.  Most of its crew, too, seemed quite ordinary.”  
  
Shepard glanced over at Liara, the asari nodding back at her almost imperceptibly in response.  The Shadow Broker was taking notes, it seemed.  
  
“Between the crew and those of us working the docks that day, the ship was unloaded in an efficient and timely manner, all items being taken to the nearby warehouses for sorting and distribution later.  It was after this had been completed, with the workers and crew members beginning to head off to share a meal together after a long day of work; I remained to finish up some final tasks.  As I was closing up one area of the warehouses, I heard voices.  I thought perhaps one of the crew members found himself lost, but when I moved closer, I realized he was speaking with someone.  I overheard them discussing something about ‘making contact,’ that ‘the target has not yet arrived on planet,’ and that they were to ‘await further instructions’ before acting.”  
  
When he stopped speaking, the room was silent but for the sounds of the fans in the ventilation system.  Shepard was the first to react, though, turning to face Kaidan, her lower lip pulled between her teeth.  He knew that look, had seen it many a time in the past.  Reaching out, he quietly slipped his hand next to hers until their fingers laced together.  “Do you recall any more details, Kolyat?  Anything that might indicate who they were or what actions were requiring them to wait instruction?” he asked after a moment.  Glancing over at the drell, he added, “It’s very important.”  
  
“Of course, major,” Kolyat replied.  As the drell settled in to what Shepard knew to be a somewhat trance-like state (it was the closest description Thane had ever been able to give her to describe it), she felt a chill crawl across her skin for a moment.    
  
 _“Metal scrapes against metal, the sound echoing throughout the warehouse … a shrieking call of a wild bird is heard in the distance … hushed voices, wind pushing against skin with heat and hint of an approaching storm …_  
  
 _“Did you find it?”_  
  
 _“No one saw me.  I made it in and the message was sent.  No one is the wiser.”_  
  
 _“And a reply?”_  
  
 _“We are to wait.  Instructions will be forthcoming.  They left the system through the relay.  It’s only open to one destination at the moment.  We have time on our side.”_  
  
 _“Silence returns, not even the wind moves now._  
  
 _“Did you hear something?”_  
  
 _“Let’s get out of here.”_  
  
 _“The scrape of metal as doors slide shut and electronic locks engage …”_  
  
Kolyat blinked several times as the memories left and he returned to the present.  Glancing over at Shepard and Kaidan, he asked, “Was that of some assistance?”  
  
Shepard felt the shudders return in full force then.  Biting her lip, she managed to keep the panic to herself, at least for the moment, but she was not surprised when Kaidan’s hand tightened around hers.  “They know,” she whispered.  “Dammit to hell, they _know_.”  
  
Kaidan nodded at Kolyat, reaching over to pull Shepard closer so he could put his arm around her shoulders.  “It was, Kolyat.  Thank you.”    
  
After a moment, Kolyat spoke again.  “If I may … I can see that the information has troubled Shepard.  Might I know why?”  
  
When no one else spoke up, Shepard took a deep breath.  “It is a very long story, Kolyat,” she told him in a tone that betrayed much of the weariness and fear she was experiencing just then, “but the basic problem is that someone is after me.  They’ve tried twice now in the past few months to kidnap me -”  
  
Liara broke in.  “Three times, Shepard.”  
  
Startled, Shepard glanced over at her friend.  “What do you mean three?  There’ve only been two attacks.”  
  
“Shannon hasn’t told you about your retrieval from the Citadel, has she?”  This time it was Kaidan who spoke.  
  
She shook her head.  “What would she know about -   Wait, Shannon was a part of that?  She told you that?”    
  
Kaidan nodded.  Dr. Chakwas added, “I was there when she told Major Alenko, Shepard.  From what I understand, though, Admiral Hackett had ordered her to keep it quiet.”  
  
Liara nodded.  “That’s what she told me as well.”  
  
Shepard sighed.  “Fine then, _three_ times, a group we believe to either have links to or be the remnants of Cerberus has attempted to take me.  After the last attack, we escaped on the _Normandy_ and only _after_ we were on board did we decide to attempt to use the Charon relay.”  Shepard rose then feeling the need to pace around the room.  
  
“How long ago did you overhear these two, Kolyat?” Garrus asked.    
  
“No more than three days.  After they left, I followed them for a time, but they both returned to their transport which left town that evening.  I have seen no sign of their presence since.”  Kolyat’s eyes followed Shepard’s movements as he asked, “I can attempt to find out further details by contacting the dockyard if you would like ….”  
  
Garrus and Liara exchanged a look before the turian replied, “That won’t be necessary.  If they wanted to hide and wait, they would be all settled in by now.”  
  
“Dammit!”  The hissed curse was followed close after by the sound of glass hitting the wall and shattering to the floor which brought everyone’s focus on Shepard.  Though rare for her to display her temper in such a manner, she had been known to show it upon occasion.  While the others made excuses to leave the room, Kaidan rose and walked over to her, leading her away from the bar and other potential missiles.  Guiding her back to the sofa while murmuring to her softly in reassurance, Kaidan encouraged her to sit once more and moved beside her again.  
  
Door closing, Kolyat turned towards them.  “Shepard, I apologize if my words have brought -”  
  
“No.”  She sighed heavily, hand rising to press against the bridge of her nose for a moment.  “Kolyat, no.  It isn’t that … not entirely, anyway.”  Head lifting finally, her hand lowering, she met his gaze and told him, “We need to talk.”  
  
He nodded once.  “As you wish,” he replied.  
  
Kaidan asked her quietly, “Should I leave you two?”  
  
Again Shepard sighed.  “Perhaps it would be best for now,” she replied.  “Thank you.  I’ll find you later.”  
  
Kaidan rose and exited the room, but Shepard’s eyes focused on Kolyat’s reaction.  It was as she’d feared.  When the door finally closed and Kolyat turned back to face her once more, Shepard spoke.  “I have a few things I need to explain to you,” she told him quietly.  
  
Kolyat shrugged as he sat back in his seat.  “It was my father you were tied to, Shepard, not me.”  
  
Shepard felt the muscles at the corner of her eye twitch just a bit.  “I would like to explain so that you might understand, Kolyat.”  
  
There was silence for a time, and Shepard thought she could see the younger man fighting some internal battles.  She suspected she knew where they would take him - Thane had told her much about his past, his family, the regrets he had in the decisions he had made, especially those where his son had been concerned.  It was part of why he’d turned to her when he needed assistance to keep Kolyat safe.      
  
“If you feel you must, I will listen.”  
  
Well, that was something at least.  Hands in her lap, Shepard could not keep them from wringing together as she spoke.  “Your father and I met at a difficult time,” she told him quietly, eyes downcast and staring at her hands.  “He’d been in his ‘battle sleep’ for ten years and I, well … I’d been ‘dead’ for two.  The circumstances of my return were not to my advantage, either.  My ship was gone, my crew - my _family_ \- was scattered.  I tried to make contact and was turned away each time.  Your father and I met just after I’d been reunited with someone I’d cared deeply about.  It … didn’t go well between us.”  
  
Kolyat shifted slightly then, but it was enough of a distraction to leave Shepard pausing for a moment.  Eyes lifting to meet his again, she continued, “Your father and I found comfort in friendship together.  Over time, that evolved into something … more.”  She sighed.  “We understood the challenges of being what we were in a life that wouldn’t or couldn’t accept us for who we were.  We both had a job to do, goals to reach.  But hand in hand with that, we both had regrets.”  She offered him a smile then.  “I’m glad I was able to help him resolve some of his.”  
  
Kolyat nodded but still remained silent.  
  
“Your father was a good man, Kolyat,” she told him quietly.  His nod assured her he agreed with her words.  “Despite who and what he was, he had a kind, considerate nature.”  
  
“And you loved him.”  
  
Now it was Shepard who nodded.  “I did. Very much.  That aside, you should know that I was open and honest with him from the start.  I told him of my past, and he accepted it.  Just as he told me of his.  Kolyat, your father understood me - probably better than I ever fully gave him credit for - and he was there when I needed him most.”  She felt a smile pull at her lips as she recalled, “He started calling me ‘siha,’ but he wouldn’t tell me why or what it meant at first.”  She sighed.  “I do not regret my time with him.  Not one bit.”  
  
“But you moved on to be with the major after he was gone.”  
  
Shepard did not shy away from the bitterness and anger she heard in Kolyat’s tone then.  “No,” she assured him quickly, “I did not.  Not right away.  Kolyat, I mourned the loss of your father.  Kaidan knew this.”  She sighed.  “I had made my choice to be with Thane as much as I could, as best I could, until his death.  Your father knew I would never, _could_ never, stop loving Kaidan.  I loved both of them, but I chose to be with your father.  Thane respected that.  He even went so far as to befriend Kaidan while they were both at the hospital.  He volunteered to watch out for Kaidan, to ensure his safety from any of my enemies that might target him.  Did you know that?”  A reluctant nod.  Shepard leaned forward a bit.  “After Kai Leng killed your father, Kaidan respected my grief.”  Taking a deep breath, she continued.  “It was months before Kaidan and I became involved again.”  Shepard noticed Kolyat was no longer looking at her but down at his own hands.  “Kolyat ….”  
  
“Shepard, if you loved my father, how can you be with someone else?”  
  
Shepard sighed.  How could she put this so he would understand?  “Kaidan is my Irikah,” she told him simply.  “I never asked your father to let go of her -”  
  
“She was dead!  He’d let go of her years before!” Kolyat insisted harshly, and in that moment, Shepard saw that there was still part of that young boy who had been so alone when he lost his mother, still trying to understand.    
  
Gently, she murmured, “Thane never let go of Irikah, Kolyat.  Never.  And that is something I would not have asked him to do.”  Kolyat’s head lifted so their eyes met.  “He loved your mother so very much, and you as well.  He understood he’d made mistakes.  He regretted that he would not be able to fully make it up to you before his death.”  
  
She watched as Kolyat’s shoulders shuddered as he sighed.  “Shepard -”  
  
“Don’t say anything,” she urged.  Rising, she crossed over to sit beside him.  “Not just yet.  There is something else you need to know, Kolyat.  As much as I loved your father, I do still love Kaidan … and I’m carrying his child.”  
  
Another sigh.  The silence between them dragged on for a few long moments.  “I’m so sorry if this makes it difficult for you,” Shepard told him after a while.  “I -”  
  
Kolyat shook his head.  “You have given me things to think about,” he admitted.  “Views I had not thought of before.  Some of it is difficult to accept, but … I will try.”  He turned to face her.  “I owe you and my father that much.”  
  
Shepard sighed softly.  “Thank you,” she whispered.  Then, her thoughts returning to the situation at hand, she asked, “Will you come with us when we leave Eden Prime?”  She wasn’t sure she should ask, but given his earlier comments, she couldn’t not make the offer.  If he did travel with them, even for a short time, it opened up the potential for a multitude of issues, not the least  of which would be contention between him and Kaidan.  
  
“I will,” Kolyat agreed.  “I - I will need a few days to put things in order, though.”  
  
Shepard nodded.  “My understanding is we will be here two, maybe three days.  If you need longer, I’m sure we can make adjustments.”  
  
“That should be sufficient,” he replied.  Rising, he offered her his arm and asked, “Perhaps right now, though, you could show me around the ship so that the chances of my getting lost are minimized?”  
  
Smiling, Shepard nodded.  “That can be arranged I think.  And if you like, we can set you up in your father’s old quarters ….”  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay - I actually had this chapter ready a few days ago. While I've had this particular chapter in mind for nearly five months now, little did I know how difficult it would be to actually write it - the end part, anyway. I hope I did justice to the characters!


	19. Ups and Downs

After their unexpected flight from Earth on board the _Normandy_ , one of the few personal things Shepard had been able to retrieve and keep with her had been some of her private messages that were still on her account.  With Traynor’s assistance, and a bit of quick thinking to hide Shepard’s tracks from anyone who might have been watching or tracking her movements.  As a result, several messages that Shepard had saved over the weeks and months since awakening from her coma had been ‘rescued’ to datapads, now safely stored in the captain’s cabin.  Occasionally, Shepard would retreat to the privacy of the cabin and spend time with the messages, rereading them over and over again as if they were old friends offering comfort.  Which, in some, sense she supposed, this particular group of messages were.    
  
After Wrex and the krogan had departed Earth, Shepard messaged Urdnot Bakara.  It had been a simple thing, telling her friend that Wrex and company had _finally_ left Earth and were headed back to Tuchanka (or perhaps it had been more of a warning that Bakara would soon have her hands full again).  Much to Shepard’s surprise, the message had made it through rather quickly, and within a week she’d had a reply.  Strong, encouraging and respectful with just a touch of Bakara’s sassy nature included, Shepard had found herself laughing for quite a while at her friends’ words.  But the best part about the communication had been that it rekindled a friendship that had started under trying circumstances at best and strengthened.  This had been in no large part thanks to a mutual friend and the view that it was time for things to change for the better, a sentiment both women had shared.  Shepard had no doubts that Mordin Solus would have appreciated that the two women were still in contact with each other well after the end of the Reaper War.  She could almost hear him saying, _Someone else would have gotten it wrong …._  
  
From that moment forward, Shepard tried to maintain a fairly regular schedule of communication with Bakara.  Or, at least as ‘regular’ as the intermittent nature of their communications would allow.  Both realized that without the reliability of the comm buoys, it would be difficult.  Opportunity allowed them to share many things, though after Wrex’s safe return Shepard did warn her friend that he was all _her_ problem now.  Bakara’s reply had given Shepard one of the first true smiles since the end of the war.  And then, during a time when Shepard had still felt so uncertain of what the future would bring, Bakara had offered her simple but heartfelt words to guide her along the way.  The stack of datapads was ever growing, but Shepard refused to delete any of them.  There were times when these were all that she had to help her through the most difficult of times.  
  
 _(dated three months after the Citadel)_  
 _[From: Major Shepard, Alliance Navy]_  
 _[To: Urdnot Bakara, Tuchanka]_  
  
 _My friend:_  
  
 _I am sure by now that Wrex has told you of our success against the Reapers, in large part thanks to the efforts of the krogan.  Fortune was indeed in my favor the day that he and I met so long ago on the Citadel.  He will not tell me the extent of the krogan losses in the final battle, though given the nature of the battle I know they must have been steep.  I have no words to offer you and your people that can even come close to expressing my personal grief in that regard.  Just know that my thoughts are with you all._  
  
 _I saw Wrex before he left Earth with the rest of the krogan for their return journey to Tuchanka.  Making one of his usual ‘grand entrances,’ I believe he took great delight in harassing my assistant, though both would be loathe to admit it.  However, I did escort him to his ship and made certain that it left with him aboard.  All things being equal, Tuchanka shall be welcoming home its’ battle worn leader and warriors in a short time, and he will then be all yours to deal with!_  
  
 _One thing I did not tell Wrex, and I am hesitant to mention here except that I know you will understand.  You and I - we understand the fickle nature of existence, I think.  Possibly more so than any others given our background experiences.  Bakara - that final battle nearly took my life - again.  That in itself is not so much what I find to be problematic, but rather the news I was given later.  I am pregnant.  After so much death and destruction, after all the loss and pain during this war … I find myself carrying life within me._  
  
 _I will admit to you and you alone - I am conflicted.  One moment I am thrilled beyond belief, and the next … I am terrified.  I came so close to losing this.  I still could, from what the doctors tell me.  And it frightens me, Bakara.  More than anything, more even than fighting the Reapers.  Yes, you read that correctly -  the seemingly unstoppable, unflappable Commander Shepard is now a jumble of fear and nerves and confusion.  Can you imagine?  I hope this does not disappoint you, my friend.  (Just don’t tell Wrex!)_

* * *

  
_[From: Urdnot Bakara]_   
_[To: Major Shepard]_   
  
_Shepard:_   
  
_You are more than correct in your assumption that I would understand.  What I can tell you is this: Fear is completely natural and even a healthy thing.  Like a soldier, it keeps us aware and alert, prepared for any challenge that might be tossed in our direction.  It also forces us to go against our natural instincts and hope for the best even though we know how fragile that hope can be._   
  
_You are strong, Shepard.  I have seen this myself, I know this to be one of the many attributes that Wrex admires in you.  That all krogan admire in you.  When you have a worthy goal and you are focused on it, you allow nothing to stand in your way to accomplish it.  If you need reminders of this, simply ask the turians, the salarians, the asari, the quarians or the geth, even the krogan.  Do not let the doubts make you waver.  And should you need to borrow from our strength to help sustain your own, do not hesitate.  You know what needs to be done.  How to do it.  Let nothing stand in your way._   


_~ ~ ~_

  
_[From: Shepard]_   
_[To: Urdnot Bakara]_   
  
_Bakara:_   
  
_Your faith in me is humbling, I will admit, but at this moment it is something I desperately need.  I know much of my reaction is due to my current situation, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.  You are one of the few I feel I can trust enough to tell these things.  For that I am grateful._   
  
_When Wrex reaches you, he can explain this in more detail, but as I know you saw from your time aboard the Normandy, the crew, my people … like the krogan, they are my clan.  My family.  And since the end of the war, they have been missing.  No one has heard from them or seen them since that last battle.  As the days pass, I have tried to bury myself in work, to hide from the reality that waits at every turn to remind me how alone I am now.  It is strange - never before have I let this affect me so much.  Not even when, as a child, I lost my family to batarian slavers and ended up alone.   A solitary existence was something I grew used to.  But when I joined the Normandy, became a part of her crew and then her captain, things changed.  I changed.  I find myself now unwilling to go back to that solitary existence I used to have._   
  
_My doctor says my pregnancy is responsible in large part for the … extreme fluctuation of my emotional reactions to things these days.  I truly hope that is the case.  There are times I do not feel like myself, or the self I used to be at least.  No doubt, Wrex would rescind his offer of ‘adoption’ if he were to know the truth!_

_~ ~ ~_

  
_[From: Urdnot Bakara]_   
_[To: Shepard]_   
  
_Shepard:_   
  
_Remember:  If change does not come today, there is always tomorrow._   
  
_Upon his return, Wrex told me of the fate of your Normandy.  I remember my time spent aboard her, of meeting your crew.  Do not lose hope, my friend.  If there is anything I took away from my time there, it was the undeniable fact that your crew - your clan - would do anything for you and even more.  I know not if you saw it, certainly not as an outsider like I would have, but I firmly believe that they will not give up hope until they are safely returned home to you.  Your destinies are intertwined._   
  
_As for Wrex, well, I’ve no doubt he will be too busy with things on Tuchanka to notice any departure from normal._   
  
_Have faith, my friend.  Be strong._

_~ ~ ~_

  
_[From: Urdnot Wrex]_   
_[To: Shepard]_   
  
_Hey, Shepard._   
  
_Bakara no doubt told you we made it back to Tuchanka.  Now we’ll see about rebuilding our home.  Already, things are starting to change, and for the better.  I wish you were here to see it.  We owe this to you, Shepard.  And be assured, I won’t let the krogan forget that._   
  
_Bakara also tells me that you and that pyjack of yours are expecting a new little warrior.  Good.  Maybe you can name yours Mordin and Bakara will think of some other name for ours!  Just be sure to let him know when he’s back that if he doesn’t treat you right, he’ll have all the krogan after him.  That oughta keep him in line.  Hehehe._

* * *

  
Kaidan wasn’t sure what he expected to find when he entered their cabin that evening, but it certainly hadn’t been Shepard sitting in the middle of their bed, legs bent together like a pretzel while surrounded by multiple datapads.  That in itself wasn’t so unusual, he supposed.  He could recall finding her like this during the Reaper War, if not on the bed than at her desk … or the couch … or wherever she happened to be standing at the time.  But at first glance this evening, he noted that she looked out of sorts and for all the world as if something horrible had just happened.  He could tell that she’d been crying, an unusual enough event for her that it had his gut twisting in nervous anticipation.  “Shepard?”  He descended the stairs quickly, concern marking his every movement, and seated himself beside her on the bed.  Hand rising to tilt her head towards him, he met her gaze and asked, “Are you alright?”  She smiled and nodded immediately, but he saw more tears trickling down her cheeks.  “What is it?” he asked again.    
  
When she shifted, turning so she could lean against his shoulder, he adjusted his position to wrap his arms around her.  “It’s … nothing,” she murmured a moment later.  “Well,” she quickly amended, “nothing out of the ordinary, anyway.”  
  
Kaidan frowned.  “What do you mean, ‘nothing out of the ordinary?’”  
  
Using a sleeve of her hoodie to wipe at her eyes, he noted that her smile seemed to strengthen a bit.  A good sign?  He hoped so.  “Dr. Michel says my hormones are all out of whack because of the baby … I’ll cry at the silliest things anymore.”  She sniffed again and gestured towards the datapads.  “Like this.”  
  
Kaidan’s frown deepened.  Reaching out, he took hold of the datapad currently in her hand and turned it so he could scan the contents.  “Mordin, huh?” he mused softly as he read.  Then he groaned as he reached Wrex’s warning for him.  However, seeing as Shepard began laughing softly in response to his reaction, he glanced down at her.  “He’s worse than having an older brother,” he muttered in mock irritation.  Shepard just grinned in response.  “Who are the rest of these from?”  
  
Shepard sighed as she reached for one of the other datapads.  “You never got a chance to meet her, but these are from Urdnot Bakara.  She’s Wrex’s …,” Kaidan saw her frown for a moment, “wife?  Partner?  Mate?  I’m not sure what you’d call her, exactly.  Anyway, she’s good for him.  Sensible.  Smart.  Downright incredible.”  Meeting his gaze, he saw a flash of something mischievous behind her blue eyes.  “Damned good with a shotgun, too.”    
  
Kaidan couldn’t help but laugh at that.  But as he saw the hint of sadness returning, he lifted a hand to her cheek, gently asking her to stay when she might have pulled away.  “Then why are you crying?” he asked.  “Is there something wrong?  Is everyone alright?”  
  
More tears welled up, and she closed her eyes tightly for a moment, but she didn’t pull away which told him she was willing to talk about it.  “Nothing wrong,” she finally told him, her eyes opening once more.  “I just … Bakara is amazing.  She’s been through so much … and came out the stronger for all the pain and hardship she’s had to endure over the years.”  Kaidan felt a shudder quake through her shoulders.  “She and I talked … quite a bit, actually, while Mordin was working on a cure for the genophage.”  
  
Kaidan tightened his arms around her then, pretty certain he knew where this conversation was headed.  The genophage was something they’d learned about - in school, in basic and all through his years with the Alliance.  Hell, even Wrex had given them all a thing or two to think about back when he’d been on the SR1.  His views at Virmire had been clear enough, too.  Clear enough that it had taken every ounce of restraint that Kaidan had had at the time - and Ashley too, he was sure - to not use force to get the krogan to back down from Shepard.  Thankfully, things had finally resolved themselves in a somewhat civilized manner.     
  
Shepard sighed again and Kaidan glanced down at her.  “She is an incredible woman.  Strong.  Insightful.  Determined.  I miss her.”    
  
Kaidan heard a wistfulness in her tone and squeezed her shoulders gently.  “Sounds quite a bit like someone else I know,” he told her.  He almost laughed at the startled expression that crossed her face then.  She sat back and he released her, but she didn’t go far, instead electing to turn and face him.  When she opened her mouth to speak, he reached out and squeezed her hand to keep her silent.  “She reminds me of you, Shepard.”  
  
Shepard blushed, eyes dropping to stare at their joined hands.  “Maybe … before,” she replied quietly.  “Certainly not now.  Look at me … I’m a wreck!”  
  
Kaidan leaned over and kissed her lightly.  “You aren’t a wreck,” he argued.    
  
She snorted softly, lips pursing together as she argued, “Well, I’m certainly not the marine I used to be.  I don’t like this, Kaidan,” she added, her voice dropping to a mere whisper.  “It’s not … me.”  
  
“I hate to be the one to remind you,” he told her, only the slightest hint of amusement in his tone, “but despite your cybernetic implants and all, even you are human like the rest of us.  You’re entitled to reach your limits once in awhile, you know.”  
  
“Pfft.  Maybe once per lifetime,” she countered while making an attempt to appear disgruntled.  
  
Kaidan’s brow lifted a bit.  “Is that your way of saying you only want one child then?” he asked.  “Because I suspect that this sort of thing would repeat itself with each one we have together ….”  
  
Shepard groaned.  “Let’s get through the first one first, okay?”  She glanced up at him, their eyes meeting and holding, and in that moment Kaidan realized something important.  Shepard hadn’t backed away from the idea of something more permanent between them, of having a larger family together.  Kaidan knew they still had a lot to talk about, to sort out between them … but she hadn’t shied away from it.  That was a start.  And also a sign that she was returning a bit to her normal self.    
  
Glancing down at the message from Wrex again, Kaidan tapped the edge of the datapad lightly with his finger.  “Should I be worried about this, do you think?” he ventured.   
  
Shepard chuckled.  “Well, that might depend,” she hedged.  “Wrex _did_ sort of adopt me as his sister after I helped cure the genophage ….”

* * *

  
  
Shepard had to admit that talking with Kaidan about some of this had helped her feel more settled.  She’d purposely not approached him for several reasons.  He’d been on duty, and as such she didn’t want to offer him any sort of distraction.  There was also the fact that she knew her behavior to be irrational, inexplicable, and would no doubt cause him worry and concern, something else she didn’t want.  So, she’d thought to stick it out alone, as she’d been doing in the weeks leading up to his return, hiding out in their room and trying to find solace in the words she’d so often found herself returning to.  It concerned her how strange it was that her emotions could get so caught off guard by the strangest things these days, fluctuating from one extreme to the other and then back again, all in a very short amount of time.  But as she’d told him, both doctors had assured her it was normal.  Frustrating, perhaps, but normal.  It would likely pass once she had the child and recovered.  
  
Yet, just as quickly as she’d dropped into this mood, Kaidan had managed to pull her from it.  Well, she supposed it had been a combination of him and Wrex, especially considering that the grimace Kaidan was pulling at the moment was in reaction to Wrex’s message.   _Kaidan and Wrex_ , she thought with fondness.  One of the first squad combinations she’d come to rely upon on the SR1 back when they were chasing after Saren.  Interesting times, to say the least.  They’d come so far since then ….  
  
“Great … an overprotective older brother with a loaded shotgun …”  
  
Shepard’s grin had started to widen at his comment, but she suddenly found herself distracted as the baby within her shifted.  One hand rising automatically to rest over the area, she reached for Kaidan’s hand with the other and brought it over so he could feel.  He seemed to catch on immediately and she could feel his hand pressing close to their child.  “My God,” he breathed a moment later, voice filled with wonder as his eyes remained glued to the movement beneath his hand.  “That’s … it’s … how …?  Does that hurt?”  
  
Shepard would have laughed at his reaction if she couldn’t admit that she was feeling that same sense of awe just then.  The baby had only begun moving around more frequently in the past few weeks, and it was something she still hadn’t quite gotten used to yet.  But that sensation of feeling something alive … inside you … moving … growing … and knowing it would eventually be a small person she could hold ….  “No, it doesn’t hurt.  Not really,” she replied.  “Just feels … odd, I guess.”  Her eyes met his and she smiled.  “I’m sorry.  I don’t quite know how to explain it.”  This was only the second time it had happened with Kaidan nearby, and the first in which he’d been able to react fast enough to feel it.    
  
But apparently, that was all he needed to hear as he leaned over to kiss her tenderly, his hands moving to frame her face.  Resting his forehead against hers, he whispered, “Just so long as you’re both okay.”  
  
Shepard’s smile softened, she felt tears threatening again, but she did not pull away from him.  “We’re fine,” she assured him.  “Just fine.”  A moment later, however, she did pull away and moved to her feet.  “Let me move these,” she told him while gathering the datapads together.  “It’s late.  We can lie down and get some slee - ….”  
  
From one moment to the next, Shepard suddenly noticed her vision blur.  It startled her, to say the least, and in the shock of the moment, she barely noticed that her grip on the datapads had loosened, the lot of them dropping from her fingers and back into a heap upon the bed.  Seconds later, she was dropping down beside them.  She heard Kaidan call out her name, his voice sharp with his concern.  He was beside her a moment later, arms around her, offering support, trying and failing to identify the problem.  “What is it?” he asked.    
  
 _Good question_ , she thought in response.  “I … my ….”  She frowned, hand rising to press at her temple.  “I’m not sure,” she finally managed.  She blinked a few times, the blur finally fading as quickly and unexpectedly as it had arrived.  Tilting her head, she glanced over at him.  “It’s okay,” she told him, reaching a hand out to caress the worried expression from his face.  “I’m okay.  I was just a bit … dizzy.  It happens sometimes if I stand too fast.”  Which, granted, was the truth insofar as it went.  However, Shepard was smart enough to realize that what had just occurred was not quite the same thing.  Whatever it had been, though, was gone now, and she was feeling better.  She made mental note of it and resigned herself to asking one of the doctors later about the incident.  For now, she just wanted to lie down with him and rest.  
  
Kaidan helped her to her feet again.  Shepard was thankful to realize that whatever had affected her vision did not seem to be repeating itself.  Standing next to Kaidan, she glanced up, smiling reassurance at him.  “I’m alright,” she repeated, willing the worry she saw in his eyes to fade.    
  
“Maybe you should let Dr. Michel check you out to be sure?”  
  
Shepard shook her head.  “Really, Kaidan … I’m fine now.”  She took a long look around the room, satisfied when the blurring did not return.  “It was a brief thing.  Just dizziness, like I said.  It’s happened on and off since the beginning.”  Reaching over, she slowly retrieved the datapads.  No sense in moving too quickly and having a repeat, right?  Finally setting them aside on the nearby desk, she turned back to face him.  “See?  I’m good now.”  Shepard nearly laughed aloud then, recognizing the look of consternation that was growing in his eyes.  “Tell you what,” she told him as she stepped closer, arms sliding around his waist as she leaned up to kiss his cheek.  “I will go talk to her about it in the morning.  Okay?”  
  
“Promise?”   
  
Shepard nodded solemnly.  “Promise.”  
  
He sighed softly then, relenting, and Shepard was glad to see him relax again.  “Alright,” he finally agreed.  “Morning then.”  Arm around her, he guided her to the bed.  “In the meantime,” he added as he took a seat beside her, “I think the baby and I need to have a discussion on how she is to treat her mother from here on out.”  
  
Two things had Shepard’s breath catching for just a moment.  The first was the bright eyed look of mischief she saw light behind his eyes.  Shepard knew Kaidan to have a very wicked, if somewhat subtle, sense of humor, one that she had been privileged to view upon rare occasion, and partake in with him a few times as well.  The second thing that caught her attention was his reference to their child as a daughter.  Shepard herself had not given the sex of the baby much thought to this point.  All she cared about was that the baby was healthy.  But the thought that Kaidan thought they might be having a daughter had Shepard’s heartstrings tugging just a bit.    
  
Unable to keep the smile from her face, Shepard reached out and grabbed his hand, tugging on it to pull him off balance as she moved to sit back against the headboard.  His grin widening, she watched him collapse down beside her, turning onto his side so he could run his hand over her baby bump.  “Going to give her a stern talking to, are you?” she teased, the smile obvious in her tone.  
  
Kaidan nodded while attempting to maintain a serious expression … and failing miserably.  “Absolutely,” he replied.  “Going to let her know who’s boss around here.”    
  
He glanced up at her then, brown eyes meeting blue and holding.  In that moment, Shepard could read his mind, her smile widening as she said, “Me?” at the same time he said, “You.”  Laughing, the two curled up beside one another and settled in for the rest of the evening.  


	20. What Dreams May Come

  
  
The shuttle bay was relatively quiet, which meant, thankfully, that relatively few people were around.  Not that it bothered Shannon to have an audience while she worked out … much, anyway.  Nick had been more the entertainer than she had been, but being around him her entire life she’d grown used to it.  Then again, from the time she’d been young, if and whenever she used her biotic powers she often had received looks from strangers who hadn’t quite known what to make of it.  So really, a few pairs of eyes on her as she ducked and dodged and weaved her way around the punching bag was no big deal.    
  
Most especially since it gave her the opportunity to think about things, to sort out ideas, to come up with plans and strategies on how to help out Shepard the best she could, particularly now that Shepard had been reunited with her old crew, those whom she trusted implicitly and were now in position to take a larger part in her protection and thus leaving Shannon in the dust, so to speak.  Which was okay, Shannon supposed.  She was a newcomer on the ship.  The odd one out.  The unknown factor.  She would have to prove herself to these people as she had been doing to Shepard since they’d started working together.  But it didn’t always make things easy.  Even the newest member of the crew would be in a better position than she currently was, right?      
  
Shannon had been there the afternoon when Shepard had reunited with the son of her former lover, so when it was made known that Kolyat Krios would be joining them on the _Normandy_ for a while, it really came as no surprise to her.  She’d never met a drell before, and to this point hadn’t had much of a chance to talk with him yet, though she had nodded greetings at him a few times.  Oh, and there’d been that one time the night before when she’d helped redirect him back to the crew deck where his room was.  She could understand getting turned around like that easily enough.  The _Normandy_ was a large enough ship to get lost in if you weren’t used to ships at all.  The same had happened to her the first few days aboard.  Hadn’t Samantha done the same for her and helped her find her way?  
  
At some point, though, Shannon realized she should to speak with Kolyat.  Learn more about him, about his people, perhaps even about his father who had been very close with Shepard before his death.  But for now, that could wait.  They only had one day left on Eden Prime in which to make their final preparations before they departed.  Which reminded her … she had a few things to take care of today too.  She’d probably best get herself in gear so she’d have time to do them.  
  
So wound up in her thoughts did she become that Shannon completely lost focus on the punching bag … and it struck back in retaliation.  As unprepared for it as she was, the solid hit to the gut put her flat on her backside quickly.  Grumbling softly to herself, mostly in embarrassment at being so obviously caught off guard, Shannon slowly rose back to her feet.  
  
“Careful there, Lieutenant,” Cortez called from across the shuttle bay where he was working in the armory, “that bag has been known to hit back when you least expect it.”  
  
Wiping at the sweat along her brow, Shannon groused good naturedly, “ _Now_ you tell me!”  
  
Cortez chuckled.  “Our illustrious Mr. Vega once had it beat into submission, but with his departure from the _Normandy_ , well, I guess it’s decided to try to take back control.”  
  
Chuckling, Shannon cautiously resumed her previous activities.  “Well,” she bit out as she threw a left, “I guess I just … need to show … it ... who’s boss then.”  
  
Within minutes, she was back into her groove, relaxation from the feel and flow of her motions returning once more.  The next time the bag moved unexpectedly, Shannon was prepared for it.  Steve had just started calling out a warning (which also told Shannon that he’d been watching her for a while) just as she caught the equipment in a stasis bubble, holding it in place before it could give a repeat performance.    
  
“Nice,” Cortez told her with a nod and a grin.  
  
Wrist wiping at her brow again, Shannon grinned back easily at him.  “If I’m training I should train in all areas, right?” she reasoned.  
  
Stepping over to the bag, Shannon caught it as the stasis bubble wore off.  In the background, she heard the elevator arrive, but she paid it no mind.  Instead, she focused on cleaning up after herself, planning to head back up to the crew deck, hit the showers and then run into Constant one last time before their planned departure the next morning.  Shouldering her duffle, Shannon turned towards the exit and noticed then that Steve was talking with Kolyat Krios.   _Must’ve been on the elevator_ , she realized as she walked over to join them.    
  
“I was told that you could help supply me with any weapons and armor I might require,” Kolyat was explaining.  
  
“That I can do, Mr. Krios,” Steve told him.  “If you provide me a list of the items you prefer, I will do what I can to make sure we have them on hand for you.”  
  
Shannon saw Kolyat nod politely.  “Thank you.  I will do that as soon as possible.”    
  
And then, Shannon had a bit of a start as the drell turned towards her, suddenly, in a move so gracefully quick and silent that Shannon’s breath caught in her lungs some seconds after she realized what had happened.  “You are Shepard’s assistant, are you not?” Kolyat asked.  
  
It took Shannon another moment to catch her breath back enough to reply.  Nodding, she managed, “Yes.”  Straightening, she added, “Lieutenant Shannon Duquesne, though since we’ve joined the _Normandy_ I’m not sure just how much assistance I have been.”  
  
Steve chuckled.  “Don’t sell yourself short, Lieutenant,” he told her.  “I’ve been in on some of those strategy sessions.  The information and insight you’ve provided has been very valuable.  And,” he added with a wink, “you were watching out for her when we couldn’t.  That goes a long way in many of our books.”  
  
Shannon blushed, embarrassed by the man’s praise.  “Uh .. thanks.”  Turning back to Kolyat, she informed him, “I’m heading back up to the crew deck if you were wanting to talk.”  He’d made it sound almost as if he was wanting to speak with her, but she couldn’t be certain.    
  
“Of course,” Kolyat agreed, turning to follow her onto the elevator.  He chose not to speak again, she noted, until the doors had shut behind them.  “Lieutenant, you are aware that my father and Shepard were close?”  
  
Shannon glanced over at him and nodded quickly.  “I am.  And from what Shepard has told me, she holds your father in high regard.  She cared for him a great deal, I think.”  
  
“Hmm.”  Kolyat remained silent for a moment before continuing.  “Lieutenant ….”  
  
The doors opened to the crew deck then and they both exited the elevator, moving away from the area and out of the main pathway to avoid foot traffic.  “Yes?” Shannon asked once they were, relatively, alone once more.  Glancing up at his face then, Shannon noticed (and not for the first time) just how serious a demeanor he had.  Though he was not smiling at all, and certainly not laughing, she suspected that most of what was making her feel this way was the coloring patterns that marked his features.  She had no doubt that if she’d met him under completely different circumstances that her initial reaction would probably be avoiding him or finding a way to get far away from him lest he decide to do her harm.  What was that old saying her brother used to tell her?   _Don’t judge a book by its cover._    
  
“Since I will be traveling with the _Normandy_ crew for a time, I was thinking that I might be able to be of some … service,” he announced.  “I am not trained as my father was,” he quickly admitted, “though I do have some biotic skills and I am able to handle a pistol well enough.”    
  
Shannon offered him a smile.  “I suspect that the General would be accepting of your offer, Kolyat,” she told him.    
  
He gave her one solemn nod.  “Might we speak together sometime then?” he continued.  “I would like to hear your information of the attacks against General Shepard as you saw them take place.  Perhaps it might assist me in determining ways in which I might be of the most assistance.”  
  
Shannon’s smile widened.  He might not be trained as a warrior, if she was understanding him correctly, but he clearly knew how to think along those lines.  “Of course,” she agreed.  “Just let me know when would be a good time for you.  In the meantime,” she glanced down at the chronometer on her omni-tool and winced, “I should be getting on my way.  I have some last errands in town I need to complete today.”  
  
Kolyat nodded at her one last time.  “I will look forward to our discussions, Lieutenant.  Have a pleasant day.”

* * *

  
  
_Though she did not recognize her exact location, Shepard still felt a strong sense of deja-vu.  There was a hazy vagueness to her surroundings.  An overwhelming foreboding sense of evil embedded in the walls around her, the very air she breathed.  Something about it was striking a nerve, and striking it soundly.  She could see others standing around her, no one really close yet all of whom appeared to be ready for battle.  Friends and allies definitely, but the faces were not those of anyone she knew personally.  All were in armor, and had weapons drawn, yet there was no indication of any enemy having been sighted.  Glancing down at herself, Shepard found that she was not in armor, nor did she have a weapon.  It was only then that she noticed someone across the way waving frantically at her to catch her attention.  Following their movements, she realized they were giving her direction.  “Over there,” the motions were telling her.  And so she started moving in that direction._   
  
_But as she made her way across, Shepard noted that the haziness was following around her, sticking close like a cloying fog.  She still had no clear sense of where she was or where she was headed.  There were still others around her, but the further back she traveled, the fewer battle-ready soldiers became and yet an ever increasing number of those who were unable to defend themselves, mostly women and children.  Frowning as she made this realization, Shepard turned and attempted to communicate with one of the soldiers, thinking at the very least to obtain a weapon, but she was brushed aside.  Refusing to accept the situation as it was, she began searching around the area for weapons, ammunition, anything that might be used for defense.  But still, nothing._   
  
_Shepard felt the memories of the first attack at her office returning then, niggling at the back of her mind like a worrisome pest.  Alarmed at this thought but still with no clear indication of who might be the opposition and seeing no one in their immediate vicinity to suggest that security was in place to protect them, Shepard broadened her search.  Somewhere, she had to find a weapon.  Someone had to protect these people._   
  
_Further and further back she followed the halls, noting as she traveled that the numbers of civilians around her was still increasing.  Not only that, but it now appeared that they were being corralled, separated out into various groups.  And still, Shepard could not see or hear who was doing this.  No sign of who this ‘enemy’ might be, for that was how she thought of them.  The overwhelming sense that something evil was behind it all weighed heavily upon her, but still she could not identify the source._   
  
_This time when she turned to continue on, though, Shepard felt her stomach sink.  She could not move.  She had seen this before during battle, when Liara and other biotics had used this tactic.  Shepard was frozen in a stasis field of some sort, not even able turn her head or shout for help.  Around her, the scene began to change and she realized that she was being led away.  Swallowing back the panic, she made further efforts to fight it, but to no avail._   
  
_They were fast approaching a ship, she could see, though she did not recognize the type or class.  It was then, as her captors slowed their pace to allow those ahead of them board first, that Shepard was able to see who the other prisoners were.  All appeared to be pregnant women, most who appeared to be in their latter stages.  There were at least three ahead of her, and she assumed even more would be on board.  The panic began to break free then, a fine trembling running through her body as she realized just how vulnerable she was without intel, a weapon or any other way to defend herself or those around her from an unknown enemy … and none of her friends were nearby to assist her …._

~ ~ ~

  
When he arrived at the cabin, Kaidan entered as quietly as he could.  The last thing he needed at the moment was Shepard becoming suspicious of his activities.  Not when he was trying so hard to surprise her.  And the fact that he was not currently on duty when he should be would most definitely have provoked her curiosity streak.  Thankfully, however, Samantha and Shannon seemed to have things well in hand which only left him to having to look things over periodically.  Two days seemed a rather short time to pull this all together, but it was important, and the two women were determined it would be done properly.  So was he.    
  
Arriving now in their quarters, Kaidan found Shepard sleeping soundly.  Wary of disrupting her rest, he finally opted to stay to work on his reports anyway.  Despite her protests to the contrary, and additional input from both Dr. Michel and Dr. Chakwas, concern and worry for her had him a bit on edge, particularly since they still could not seem to find out anymore about those who were after her.  Kolyat’s information had given them something else to check into, but they had yet to hear back from any of Liara’s agents on its import, if there was even any at all.  In the meantime, Kaidan had ordered a doubling of the watch guards until they departed Eden Prime the next day, just to be safe.  Mercifully, all had been quiet so far.  
  
Seated at the desk, Kaidan allowed his eyes to drift over to where Shepard slept, feeling a small smile toy at his lips as he watched the steady rise and fall as she breathed.  Moments such as this reminded him of just how damned lucky he was.  With all they had been through in the past few years, with all the chances for things to have gone wrong, and in many cases had, the realization that they were finally together was one that had the potential to overwhelm him still.  Shepard, too, he knew often had similar thoughts though she attempted to hide it from them all.  Kaidan knew that it was beginning to wear on her, though.  Which was why times such as this, where she could rest peacefully and without worry, were so important.  Even if she was unaware of it, he still had her back as he had promised so many months before.    
  
He was loathe to admit it to Shepard, not wanting to give her further cause to worry (and he knew that she would like a dog with a bone), Kaidan was still quite concerned after the attacks at Alliance headquarters.  Shannon’s detailed account of the first attack frightened him more than he wanted to admit, even to himself.  The thought of Shepard being unarmed, a target with no way to defend herself.  Thank God Admiral Hackett had seen to having Shannon on Shepard’s staff at the time!  The previous attack, too, during Shannon’s mission to retrieve Shepard from the Citadel had him on edge.  Though there was not evidence enough to connect that earlier attack with the more recent ones, coincidence was not something Kaidan would openly disregard, a trait he’d learned from Shepard.  And though they still waited on reliable intel from other sources to support their conclusions, Kaidan was adamant that the coincidences be taken as real threats.    
  
Kaidan glanced down at the datapad before him.  In it he was sorting through any and all information they had gathered so far, attempting to organize it all from the nature of the attacks to any logical (and not emotional) suppositions to motive for Admiral Hackett.  Liara was hopeful that some of her reestablished Shadow Broker contacts would be reporting in soon, but for now all they had was guess work.  
  
Some moments later, it was the sound of a whimper from the bed that pulled Kaidan’s attention from the composition of his message.  Setting the datapad aside, he rose from the desk and descended the steps to move beside Shepard on the bed.  As his weight settled on the mattress, her eyes flew open, wild shock and fear evident as a gasp slipped past her lips.  Reaching out, he placed a hand on her upper arm, tightening just briefly enough for her to recognize he was there, as he murmured, “Hey there.  Everything alright?”  
  
Her eyes closed almost immediately, and he felt her shudder, but she nodded firmly in affirmation.  “Yes,” she whispered, though she did roll over onto her other side to face him, “just … bad dream.”    
  
Kaidan moved into a seated position, his back against the headboard, before reaching to pull her over beside him.  She came willingly enough, resting her head against his shoulder as she settled.  “I’m here,” he reminded her gently.  “If you want to talk.  Or not.  Your choice.”    
  
“Thanks, but ….”    
  
Kaidan didn’t press.  They both understood each other well enough to know when to share certain things with the other.  “Whenever you want,” he told her quietly.  Shepard’s arms around him tightened, but she remained silent, choosing to focus on calming her breathing it seemed.  Kaidan, for his part, just held her, rubbing small circles along her back, threading his fingers through her hair, massaging her shoulders.  After a while, he thought she might have fallen back to sleep except for the fact that her fingers were tracing random patterns across his arms and back.  

~ ~ ~

  
Reluctantly, Shepard finally pushed herself back into a seated position.  Lifting a hand to tuck some of the long dark tresses behind an ear, she asked, “Shouldn’t you be in the CIC?  I thought you were on duty this morning?”  
  
His chuckle was warm and soothing, one of the many things she loved about him.  “I am on duty, yes,” he agreed.  “However, I can just as easily draft a message to Admiral Hackett up here as I can down below.”  
  
Shepard laughed softly, her lips turning into a smile.  “I suppose you can at that,” she replied.  For a long moment, she considered telling him about the dream, but ultimately decided against it.  He had enough worries on his plate.  No sense in adding her overactive imagination to the list, was there?  Leaning towards him then, she pressed a light kiss to his lips.  “And who am I to argue?”  
  
She gasped softly when Kaidan moved suddenly, quickly and with intent, a chuckle of delight escaping as he pressed her back against the pillows she’d been resting against just minutes before.  “Well, now,” she teased recognizing the glint in his eyes as he leaned towards her, “I thought I said I _wasn’t_ arguing?”  
  
Kaidan chuckled in return.  “Perhaps I misunderstood,” he replied as he neared.    
  
Shepard giggled.  “Perhaps you -” she began, but her words were cut off as he captured her lips with his, a fierceness behind the action that had a thrill of delight shuddering through her almost instantly.  It did not take long before he had her gasping for breath once more, but at least this time it was in response to an enjoyable experience.  When she did not protest, she felt his hands begin roaming, gently but with purpose, which only added fuel to the fire between them.  For the first time in a very long time, Shepard felt her concerns and worries fade.  Dr. Michel had insisted on her last visit that both she and the child were fine, as long as she continued to find ways of relaxing and relieving stress.  That Shepard had had the good grace to blush as the doctor had started specifying some of the acceptable ways to ‘relieve’ the stress had only made the visit that much more memorable ….  
  
“Major Alenko, sir!”  
  
Traynor’s voice broke through the moment as effectively as if Garrus had dumped a bucket of ice water upon the both of them.  Blinking in momentary confusion, Shepard could only stare up into Kaidan’s eyes as he, too, struggled, albeit reluctantly, to return to reality.  After a moment in which he cleared his throat, he called out, “Yes, Traynor?”  Shepard lifted one of her hands to her lips then as she struggled for the second time that day to recover herself.  
  
“Sorry for the interruption, sir.  But the colonial governor of Eden Prime has arrived and is requesting your presence.”  
  
Shepard swallowed back a laugh as Kaidan’s eyes closed and he groaned.  As he sat up once more, she followed suit, whispering, “Now you know what I went through those last few months leading up to London!”  The look he gave her then forced the chuckle free but it was his hand that slid beneath her t-shirt and tickled at her ribs that had her squealing in protest a moment later.  
  
“On my way, Traynor,” Kaidan responded to the specialist.  “Please have him escorted to the conference room and then ask Garrus and Liara if they would join us.”  
  
“Yes, sir.”  
  
The comm system went silent then and Kaidan glanced over at Shepard.  Sighing, he reached out to caress her cheek with his hand while admitting, “That was not quite what I’d intended.”  
  
Shepard covered his hand with her own for a brief moment.  “I know,” she replied softly.  Then releasing him, she murmured, “Go see what he wants.  I’ll be around later.”  
  
She watched him rise then, hands moving to straighten his uniform, but it was the look he gave her that had her brow lifting in question.  He seemed almost … startled by her response?  Rising and rounding the bed to stand in front of him, she asked, “Everything okay?”  
  
That snapped him out of his mood it seemed because he immediately nodded.  “Yeah, sure.  I’m good.”  He brushed her cheek with one last kiss.  “I’ll be back later,” he promised before turning to leave.  Shepard watched him hurry out of the room, his sudden shift in manner and mood a bit disconcerting, mostly because she wasn’t certain what had caused it.  However, having the cabin to herself now meant that she could take her time readying herself for the day, and she intended to use every single minute.

~ ~ ~

  
Shepard had just finished drying her hair and was trying to decide on what to wear for the day when she heard a knock at the door.  Deciding her robe would be enough for the moment, she called out, “Enter,” before turning towards the door and moving to see around the wall.    
  
“Hello, Shepard.”  
  
“Liara.”  Shepard offered her friend a smile.  “Come on in.  What’s up?”    
  
The asari smiled.  “Looks like I got here just in time,” she noted, nodding towards Shepard’s current state of undress.  “Kaidan wanted me to alert you - the governor will be staying to take the evening meal with us.”  
  
Shepard sighed.  “Seriously?” she asked, dropping to sit on the edge of the bed for a moment.  Her eyes narrowed a bit, suspicion kicking in.  “You aren’t just saying this to get me into that dress you and Shannon conned me into buying, are you?”  
  
Liara actually looked shocked.  “Would I do such a thing to you, Shepard?” she asked, hand rising to settle for a moment at the base of her throat.   
  
It took a moment of silence before both women burst into laughter.  “Yes!” they echoed over each other’s giggles.    
  
“In all seriousness though,” Liara continued a moment later, “Kaidan did ask me to pass this along.  The governor apparently would like to meet you.”  She cleared her throat, dropped an octave and intoned, “The ‘Great Commander (We corrected him quickly in that regard) Shepard.  Honored War Hero.  Savior of the Citadel and the entire galaxy ….”  
  
Another sigh.  “Christ,” Shepard muttered as she shook her head, “it’s going to be like this from now on, isn’t it?”  
  
Liara moved to sit beside her on the bed offering her a smile of reassurance.  “What do you mean?”    
  
Shepard tilted her head to glance over at her friend.  “From now on I’ll be some … figurehead … a symbol or icon, I suppose, of the defeat of the Reapers.  I won’t ever be able to go back to just being a soldier, will I?”  
  
Liara slid an arm around Shepard’s shoulders and squeezed tightly for a moment.  “Is that what you really want?” she asked quietly.  
  
“Liara … it’s what I am,” Shepard replied.  “I’m not the type to just … sit around and do … I don’t know.  Nothing.  Talk.  Negotiate.  I’m no diplomat.”  
  
“Your actions during the war proved otherwise,” Liara reminded her.    
  
Shepard’s lips pursed together.  “I did what needed to be done to end the war,” she replied.  “That’s it.  But Hackett … he’s as much as told me that the Alliance wants me to take up some role on the Citadel or something ….”  She sighed again and covered her face with her hands which muffled her next words.  “I don’t think I’m cut out for this.”  
  
Liara hugged Shepard tightly again.  “Sure you can.  You’ve done it before.”  
  
“But that was the war!”  
  
“No, Shepard, it wasn’t just that.  It was you.”  Liara turned to face Shepard, pulling the other woman’s hands from her face, squeezing them tightly.  “It was your skill and abilities as a leader that got us there.”  Squeezing Shepard’s hands again, she continued, “All that aside, though, I think this evening will just be a bit of … what is the word you humans like to use?  Schmoozing?”  
  
Shepard had to bit her lip quickly to keep from laughing aloud.  It didn’t work.  She started with a soft giggle and soon Liara was laughing with her until they both ended up leaning against each other and gasping for air.  “‘Schmoozing,’ huh?” Shepard challenged when finally she could draw a deep breath.  
  
Liara’s chuckles gave way to an amused smile.  “I believe that’s the one,” she agreed.  “I overheard James using it once and ….”  
  
Shepard rolled her eyes.  “Okay, I see your point,” she admitted.  Rising to her feet, Shepard crossed over to the closet and pulled out the dress that she’d been convinced to buy several days before.  Turning to face Liara and holding it up against her, she asked, “This isn’t too flashy?”  
  
Liara chuckled again.  “Shepard, please.  At least give me _some_ credit for knowing what looks good?”  
  
“Um … yeah.  I guess you do have me at a disadvantage in that department.”  Shepard recalled the time during the war when Liara had convinced her to ‘dress up’.  In the end, it had all worked out very well, if Kaidan’s reaction and been any indication to go by.  “Alright … as long as you promise not to make me look too … I don’t know.  Too tarted up.”  
  
Liara’s snort of amusement did have Shepard laughing.  “You manage your makeup fine, Shepard,” Liara assured her.  “I’ll help with the rest.  Have you considered leaving your hair down?”  
  
Though it taxed her in patience (just a bit) and pride (more than a bit), Shepard allowed Liara free reign in assisting.  A short while later, standing before the mirror, Shepard found herself absolutely speechless.  Liara had insisted on leaving her long black tresses down where the fell into soft curls that nearly reached her waist.  The sides, she’d swept back, twisting them a few times before clipping them to the back center of her head where the remainder hung with the rest.  A few loose pieces framed her face and accented the blue of her eyes.  True to her word, Liara had left Shepard to her own choices for make up, and that combined with the hairstyle had Shepard staring in awe at her reflection.  “I .. how … oh my ….”  
  
Liara grinned from the side.  “You are a beautiful woman, Shepard,” the asari reminded her, “and a formidable opponent on any battlefield.  What you need to remember is that there are all sorts of armor and weapons to fit those varying battlefields.”  
  
Shepard chuckled softly.  “Yeah, Kasumi tried to teach me that once,” she admitted.  “Guess I wasn’t really paying attention then.”  
  
“Well, I’m glad you are now.”  Liara led the way back into the main part of the cabin.  “And that dress … it looks very nice.”  
  
Shepard glanced down at the dark amethyst colored garment for a moment before smiling tolerantly over at her friend.  “I guess I should thank you and Shannon for talking me into it, shouldn’t I?”  
  
Liara chuckled.  “Maybe,” she agreed teasingly.  “In the meantime ….”  She made a gesture to have Shepard spin around in a circle.  As Shepard moved, the skirt flared out a bit, but settled back almost immediately to hang just below her knees.  With the empire waistline, it was virtually impossible to tell that Shepard was even pregnant, except for those that already were in the know.  “Almost perfect.”  
  
Shepard stepped into her shoes while echoing, “Almost?”  Turning back, she recognized the glint in Liara’s eyes.  “What are you up to?”  
  
Liara smiled and reached into a pocket.  “Seeing as you are now a general and about to go into battle, I thought perhaps you might want to … dress things up a bit.”  Extending her hand, she allowed a silver chain to slide down, hanging around one of her fingers, a small pendant at the bottom.    
  
Shepard gasped softly as she recognized the pendant.  “This … this is ….”  
  
“A prothean beacon?  Yes.  I found it among my things recently.  I’d completely forgotten that my mother had given it to me when I was younger.”  Liara offered a slightly sheepish smile.  “Not that it would have helped us in any way,” she added, “but I thought it might be appropriate given all that has happened and since we are on Eden Prime and all ….”  Shepard nodded.  Carefully, Liara hooked the chain around Shepard’s neck.  “There,” she finally proclaimed with a bright smile.  “You look perfect.”  
  
Shepard snorted softly.  “I don’t know about that,” she murmured, “but I do thank you for your help.”  Sighing, she took one last look at herself before turning to face her friend.  “Now, where are we supposed to go for this thing?”  
  
Liara led the way out of the cabin, explaining the whole while.  “Since there will be some other dignitaries in attendance,” she explained, “and the entire crew was invited, they decided to set things up in the shuttle bay so that there would be room.”    
  
Shepard frowned.  “The shuttle bay?”  
  
Liara grinned.  “I stopped by there on the way up here.  Surprisingly, it works quite well.”  
  
“I’ll take your word for it then.”   
  
The elevator arrived then and the stepped inside.  “So, anything I need to be aware of before meeting the governor?”  
  
Liara shook her head.  “Not really, no.  He’s rather new to the position, taking over after the end of the war.  He’s been fairly effective in assisting with the recovery of the planet since.  Beyond that, he and the other dignitaries - mayors from several of the nearby towns and villages I believe? - are simply glad to see that the mass relay is working once more.  Even,” she added, “though it isn’t at full speed yet.”  
  
Shepard nodded.  “Yeah, that might take a bit more time,” she agreed.    
  
The elevator began to slow, and Shepard glanced over one last time at Liara.  “Anything else?”  
  
The doors slid open then, and Shepard turned to watch her step as she exited the elevator … coming to a sudden and complete halt just outside as she took in her surroundings, the import of what she was seeing before her dawning on her suddenly.  She felt Liara’s hand slide around her arm quickly, squeezing gently as she moved up beside her friend.  “Only that … you might not want to leave your future husband standing at the altar all alone,” she added quietly before releasing her.    
  
Shepard felt a moment of panic, the breath escaping from her lungs in a sudden rush as she felt the eyes of the entire crew turn towards her.  “My God …,” she whispered.  
  
Garrus stepped over beside them then, taking up Liara’s position to Shepard’s right.  “I understand it’s a bit of a tradition for human females’ fathers to give them away when they get married,” he murmured softly, his mandibles flaring into a smile when she tilted her head up towards him.  “Or some other family member.  I hope you don’t mind the … insubordination or the presumption, but since your father couldn’t be in attendance, and you _are_ kind of like a sister to me … well ….”  
  
Shepard could barely speak.  “Garrus,” she whispered tightly, hand lifting to cover her lips as she struggled to hold back tears.    
  
“Is that a yes?  It’s always hard to tell with you, you know?  Thankfully, Wrex isn’t here to argue with me over it.  I don’t know that I could survive a krogan headbutt nearly as well as you did.  Of course, if you’d rather, I could step aside and allow Cortez or -”  
  
Shepard threw her arms around him, hugging him close for a moment.  “Stop, you great big, turian … idiot!” she hissed with just a hint of laughter just then.  “Of _course_ I want it to be you!”  She glanced up at him and smiled.  “You’ve been with me from the beginning, Garrus.  Who else would it be?  Thank you.”  She turned back towards Liara who was preparing to step away.  “Both of you.”    
  
Taking a deep breath, Shepard stood straight and tall, smoothed her hand over the dress and then looped her arm through the one Garrus offered.  “Alright,” she told them after a moment.  Her eyes finally rose and met Kaidan’s across the room, noting that the nervousness she had first noticed there after stepping off the elevator now seemed to have settled into relief.  “Let’s do this.  I think I’ve kept him waiting quite long enough, hmm?”  


	21. Last Honest Woman

Kaidan had known it would take some time for Liara to convince Shepard to join them.  He’d been quite specific with the asari - Do not, under any circumstances, let Shepard know what was _really_ happening.  He had no worries that Liara would give it away, though.  Not really.  After all, her skills with deception, wordplay and intrigue had improved considerably since taking over duties as the Shadow Broker.  Secretly, Kaidan couldn’t help but wonder if she might be able to give asari commandos - some of the best in the business - a run for their money these days.    
  
In the meantime, Samantha and Shannon had banished him to the medbay to get himself dressed more appropriately (he had snuck out his dress blues the day before) while they and the rest of the crew worked as quickly (and quietly) as possible to prepare the shuttle bay for the coming festivities.  Thankfully, both women had thought to bring Cortez into the loop two days before when Kaidan had first hatched the idea, and the fighter pilot had readily agreed to arrange things as compactly as possible in the shuttle bay so that there would be space available so that by the time the word came to decorate, even though there was a very short window of opportunity available, with all hands on deck it would be achieved in record time.  When he arrived less than an hour later, Kaidan had found himself amazed at the speed and efficiency with which it had been accomplished.    
  
From that point forward, it had just been a waiting game.  An interminable waiting game, Kaidan realized belatedly.  Time seemed to slow for him, and though he suspected it was really only minutes involved, he had flashes of a thousand differing scenarios playing through his mind during his wait.    
  
Somehow she’d found out about the whole thing and refused.    
  
Perhaps she was being her usual, stubborn self?    
  
Or, maybe Liara was unable to talk her into wearing that dress she’d bought in town a few days before (which really didn’t matter, he decided then and there, as he knew he’d marry her in whatever she was wearing at the time, even if it was her N7 hoodie and fatigues).    
  
Standing in the middle of the shuttle bay, trying to make small talk with the justice of the peace that the governor had sent to perform the ceremony at Kaidan’s request, it was all Kaidan could do to not begin panicking.  Which was odd when he stopped to think about it because he was not one prone to panic.  Out on a mission, whether in his Alliance or Spectre capacity, he was steady as a rock.  Level headed.  Decisive.  The only times he’d ever really come close giving in to panic, come to think of it, had revolved around issues involving him and Shepard specifically ….  
  
But then the elevator doors had opened and he’d lifted his head, eyes finding and meeting hers immediately.  He’d seen the shock there, felt his gut churn wildly for the briefest of seconds when he saw the brief panicked look in her eyes, but it soon settled when it became clear that her reaction was not a negative one.  He watched her exchange words briefly with Garrus and Liara, but their eyes soon met and held once more, and the look in them this time had him smiling back at her.    
  
Garrus led her towards him then, arm in arm, and though Kaidan couldn’t hear their words (he could see their lips moving), he suspected it was the same as it always had been.  Light, easy, friendly banter with just a hint of sass.  The way things between them had been since their days back on the SR1.  Despite the way events had played out at Horizon and for a while after, whatever Garrus’ opinions might have been then, he was now solidly behind Shepard and Kaidan being together.  Though Kaidan knew his friendship with the turian was not nearly as close as it was between him and Shepard, Kaidan felt comfortable enough that he could call Garrus a friend and would trust him to have his back in battle and out.  What more could a man ask for, right?  And the way Kaidan viewed at it, it was reassuring to know that Garrus had been able to be there for Shepard when he himself hadn’t been able to, either by choice or fate.  
  
Garrus led Shepard to a halt right in front of Kaidan then, and the two men exchanged a quick look.  Though he still had trouble reading the turian’s expressions at times, Kaidan thought he detected a slight smirk in the way Garrus flared his mandibles before placing Shepard’s hand in Kaidan’s.  Turning to face Shepard, though, Kaidan immediately put everyone else out of his mind for the moment.  He needed to talk to her, just to make absolutely certain that this was what she wanted, and though he would have preferred not to do this in front of a crowd, due to the circumstances behind the situation, he’d left himself with little choice.    
  
But then Shepard surprised him, as she so often did.  Taking one step closer towards him, she leaned in, stood up on her toes and placed a soft kiss on his cheek while whispering, “So … you _were_ planning to elope after all.”  
  
Kaidan couldn’t help it … he laughed.  “I wanted you to know,” he told her quietly as his other hand came to rest over the top of the one he currently held, “ _needed_ you to know just how much you mean to me.  You always will.”  
  
He saw a flicker of emotion behind her eyes then, heard it in the husky tremble of her voice as she whispered, “Kaidan, I -”  
  
But he cut her off with a squeeze of her hand.  “Like you said back in Vancouver - this isn’t because of the baby … this is because of _us_.  No more separations.  No more wondering.  No more not knowing.”  Sighing, he lifted a hand to trace the curve of her cheek.  “Shepard, you complete me in so many ways I can’t even begin to describe.  Will you marry me?”

~ ~ ~

  
It didn’t surprise her in the least that they’d all moved to sit together as a group, Samantha realized while watching Shepard and Kaidan turn together and approach the justice of the peace.  Actually, it was pretty much the same group that had been there that night at the poker match, with a few additions.  She frowned.  Come to think of it, that had been the match in which Joker had started in on ….  
  
“Hey, you suppose now we’ll finally get to find out what her real name is?”  
  
“Joker!” Dr. Chakwas, Liara and Tali hissed in protest.  
  
“What?” he protested.  Leaning over towards Garrus, he added, “I bet you a hundred credits we find out.  I mean, come on!  They’re getting married - it’s all official like!  She’d _have_ to use her full name, right?”  
  
Garrus sat back and crossed his arms, shaking his head.  “Too steep for my blood,” he replied.  When Tali hit his arm a moment later, he protested with a soft grunt.  “What?”  
  
“Behave yourself,” she told him.    
  
“Hmmf.”  
  
Joker turned towards Dr. Chakwas then.  “Come on, Doc.  Yay or nay?”  
  
But it was Dr. Michel who spoke up.  “Joker!” she admonished lightly.  “You would bet on the General?”  
  
Cortez chuckled from his position seated behind her.  “Ma’am,” he told her quietly, “Joker would bet on almost anything.  He has to come up with his poker money somehow.  He certainly doesn’t win it at cards.”  
  
While the others chuckled and Joker gave Cortez a hard glare and replied, “Har har har,” Samantha just sat back in her chair smiling.  She dared a quick look at Shannon sitting beside her and the two smiled quickly before looking away lest they begin giggling.  As they had been the one to arrange the ceremony, and had been present during the poker game when this whole topic had first come up, they both knew how it would end.    
  
Samantha lifted a brow at Shannon then and the lieutenant nodded.  “I’ll take that bet, Joker,” Shannon murmured.    
  
“All right!” he nearly whooped before he suddenly seemed to hesitate.  Eying her for a long moment, he ran a hand thoughtfully over his bearded chin.  “Wait, wait, wait.  You - you’re one of those spec ops people, right?  One of Alenko’s specially trained biotics students?”  
  
Shannon snickered softly, but nodded.  “I am.  Helped me survive the war on Earth, too.”  
  
Samantha watched as Joker’s shoulders sagged just a bit.  “Yeah, _and_ you and Traynor helped put this together … which means … you know whether or not …  Shit.  Never mind.  I’ll just -”  
  
“Shhh!” Liara chided softly.  “You’re missing the ceremony!”  

~ ~ ~

  
  
The ceremony was short, sweet and very meaningful - for Shepard and Kaidan, obviously, but also for those who were in attendance.  For those crew members who had been with the pair from the beginning, back when they’d begun with a hunt for Saren while serving on board the SR1, it felt like the appropriate closure to the beginning of a lifelong adventure together.  For those of more recent acquaintance, it was a reminder of how life could be full of obstacles, and despite all that things could turn out better for them on the other side.  But for all of them, it was definitive proof that there could be hope found in all things, and that hope was a strength all unto its own.  
  
Vows made, rings exchanged, ceremony completed, it didn’t take long for chairs and decorations to get moved to the side so that the _real_ celebration could begin.  And begin it did.  Food and drink had been catered by several of the businesses in town, some of whom had, thankfully, had dextro-based foods and drink available.  Toasts were soon made, a cake had been procured and was shared with much laughter from the guests as the bride and groom made a mess of things.  And then the music began. It wasn’t long before shouts for the ‘first dance’ began to echo throughout the shuttle bay.  
  
Kaidan glanced down at Shepard, her fingers still laced through his as they had been since the end of the ceremony, and he grinned.  “So,” he murmured quietly, “do we show them?”  
  
Shepard chuckled.  “We don’t want to ruin their morale now, do we?” she countered lightly.  But when he started leading her out into the open space that everyone had cleared for dancing, she didn’t protest.    
  
Kaidan pulled her into his arms, lowering one hand to her hip and taking her hand in his while she matched up against him.  “Is that why you did it?” he asked suddenly.  “To keep up morale?”  
  
In the seconds before the music started, Shepard gave him a wide grin and a broad wink.  “Some things are worth sacrificing for the good of the crew, don’t you think?”    
  
The music began then, strong notes of a piano tapping out the tune accompanied by a bass beat at first before the rest of the band chimed in.  Shepard’s surprised eyes met his and held, recognizing the song from the first few notes.  “You didn’t!” she gasped in astonishment.  The laughing, “You did!  You hacked my music!”  
  
It was Kaidan’s turn to grin.  “What can I say?” he returned.  “You have good taste.  Now, you ready to do this?”  
  
Shepard heard some catcalls from the crowd as she and Kaidan began moving, but she ignored them, her attention completely focused on her husband.  As the song continued, the lyrics started filtering through, and Shepard felt her smile widening.   _How appropriate_ , she thought.   _Being a colonist certainly makes me a small town girl.  He’s close enough to a city boy …._    
  
Kaidan watched her face as she listened to the music and followed his guiding steps.  He knew, better than the others did, that Shepard did indeed know how to dance.  She’d simply chosen for the longest time to hide it from everyone around her.  And while she might have written it off as a morale booster for the troops, Kaidan thought he knew better.  He remembered her descriptions of the batarian attack on Mindoir when she was sixteen, that she’d been dancing with a boy at a festival in town at the time ….  
  
The music picked up a bit in momentum as the song transitioned into the second verse, and Kaidan moved Shepard into a spin.  He heard the laugh in her voice as she returned, her hand finding his shoulder once more, and spoke loud enough for the others to hear, “Feeling a bit adventurous there, Major?”  
  
Kaidan chuckled.  “Ready for anything,” he replied.  More catcalls from the crew at his words, some comments to the effect of hoping that he had steel toed shoes on, but he, like Shepard, ignored them.  Moving quickly, he began a series of more intricate dance steps, some spins, rapid movements in the open space around them.  Shepard followed perfectly, her eyes holding his the entire time as she matched him.  When the moves picked up in momentum and difficulty, she followed easily, step for step, beat for beat, occasionally adding her own intricacies in a step of a foot here, a twist of the hips there.    
  
The stunned silence surrounding them was enough to have her smiling.  “Think maybe we ought to pull them in before they fall over in amazement?” she asked jokingly.  
  
Kaidan laughed.  “Why not?” he agreed, releasing his hold on her then.    
  
Shepard grinned and turned to face her crew.  A quick glance had her identifying her new partner, and it was almost as if he’d expected it, his eyes lighting up as they met hers.  “Steve, come here,” she called to him, crooking her finger at him.    
  
Shepard was delighted to find him a willing enough dance partner as he joined her, moving into position in a smooth motion and picking up where Kaidan had left off.  “You’ve been holding out on us, Shepard!” he admonished gently.  “I think I knew as far back as that party on the Citadel that you were hiding something.”  
  
Shepard laughed.  “You were the only one who noticed then,” she agreed as she recalled some of the less than flattering teasing regarding her abilities on the dance floor.    
  
His chuckle held quite a bit of amusement.  “Well, perhaps the only _other_ one,” he agreed while tossing a pointed look in Kaidan’s direction.    
  
“Point.”  
  
They danced for a few more moments before Steve pulled her back and told her in a somewhat serious tone,  “Congratulations, Shepard.  I’m glad you’ve found some happiness out there.”  
  
Shepard’s breath caught for a moment, her heart squeezing almost painfully as she recalled exactly what Steve had lost.  But looking into his eyes, she realized he was giving her his heartfelt blessing.  Smiling, she replied, “Thank you, Steve.  That means the world to me.”    
  
After another turn or two around the floor, Shepard passed Steve off to find himself a new partner and turned her attentions towards Garrus.

~ ~ ~

  
Shannon stood off to the side, watching both her commanding officers with a slightly wistful smile across her face.   _How long has it been?_ she wondered silently, mentally counting the months back.   _Over a year, probably closer to two_.  She and Drew had married quickly in those early days of the war, out of desperation more than anything.  With the arrival of the Reapers on Earth, they’d done what was necessary to formalize their marriage, knowing full well that the chances of one or the both of them surviving would be next to nothing.  Just an afternoon, an hour or so ceremony before the judge with her brother as witness as they decided to join themselves together for whatever time they might be allowed.  But it had been enough.  By the evening, the three of them had been on the run again, searching for a place to hide, a direction to go, somewhere they might be able to actually join in and fight for their home.     
  
A jostling of her shoulder had Shannon turning to her left to find Kolyat stepping next to her.  “You seem … troubled, Lieutenant,” he told her.  “It was my understanding that events such as these were to be celebrated with an overabundance of joy.”  
  
Shannon felt the smile turn true as she laughed.  “They are, Mr. Krios,” she assured him.  
  
“Please, it’s Kolyat,” he interrupted.  “‘Mr. Krios’ was my father.”  
  
Shannon was watching him closely as he spoke and saw the flash of emotion across his face.  For the moment acting as if she’d seen nothing, she continued, “Very well, Kolyat.  Then you must call me Shannon instead of Lieutenant.”  His nod was his only reply.  Turning to face the dancers again, she murmured just loud enough for him to hear, “My apologies if this is too personal and I am intruding, but … from what I know of your father, from what Shepard told me, I think he would be happy for them.”  
  
She felt him stiffen slightly, but he remained as he was standing beside her.  “My father was a difficult man to understand at times,” he finally admitted.    
  
Shannon snorted softly and glanced over at him.  “So was mine,” she assured him.  “I’ve no doubt that if he survived the war, he still will be on occasion.”  
  
Kolyat seemed surprised by her words.  “You’ve not heard from him?” he asked.  
  
Shannon shook her head.  “Not for a number of years,” she replied.  “As much as I cared for and loved my father, I was not able to see him much while I was growing up.  When my brother and I were sent off to a special school for our biotics … well, it’s been a while.  I tried to find out what happened to him during the war, but so far no luck.”  She glanced over at him, her smile fading a bit.  “I’ve attempted to track him down, registered his name with the refugee centers and such, but, well ….”  She shrugged.  
  
Again Kolyat nodded silently.  And then, “I suppose that I am fortunate then in knowing what happened to my father.  To know that others cared about him.”  
  
Shannon smiled again.  “And you, I expect,” she added.  “I know Shepard had me searching for your whereabouts after the war ended, too.”    
  
“She is a good person,” Kolyat agreed.    
  
Shannon nodded.  “One of the best I’ve ever known,” she replied.  “And considering our relationship has only been for a few months, well, that says something I think.”  
  
“More than you might realize.”  Kolyat straightened then, his eyes glancing out on the dance floor as people moved around.  “I think perhaps you were right in your earlier assessment, Shannon,” he acknowledged.  “My father would be happy for them.  He certainly would not have wished them ill.”  Turning then, he added, “At the risk of embarrassing myself in front of you and the others, would you care to dance with me?  Maybe that way we can properly honor Shepard and the Major’s union.”  
  
Shannon’s laughter was warm but she took his offered hand.  “It would be an honor, Kolyat,” she agreed while allowing him to lead her out onto the floor.  

~ ~ ~

  
After several dances with varying members of the crew, Liara decided to take a well deserved break in order to catch a breath and recover herself.  No sooner had she obtained a glass of wine and moved off to the side, well safe from the dangers of being run into by any stray dancers, she heard a familiar sound over her shoulder and felt a smile pull at her lips.  “Glyph,” she murmured, “I am taking a few hours to enjoy myself.  Work can wait, can’t it?”  
  
“Of course, Dr. T’Soni,” the VI’s mechanical sounding voice droned on, “but your instructions were to be informed the moment any information came in regarding the data that Kolyat Krios provided and -”  
  
Liara raised a hand, cutting the drone off.  “Never mind, Glyph.  You are correct.”  Sighing softly, she set her glass aside on the table.  As entertaining as the party was, it would have to wait for a while it seemed.  “Why don’t we go and take care of this first.  Then perhaps I can rejoin the festivities afterwards.”  
  
As they crossed the room, Liara became thoughtful for a moment.  “Glyph,” she murmured while waiting for the door to open, “remind me to speak with Kolyat later.  If this information is as good as I hope it to be, he might make a good agent to put into place out there.”  
  
“Noted, Dr. T’Soni,” the VI replied.  

~ ~ ~

  
Feeling slightly winded after yet _another_ dance, this time with Engineer Adams, Shepard allowed the man to lead her away from the dance floor to get something to drink.  “Thank you,” she told him as he handed her a non-alcoholic beverage before guiding her over to a table where they found both doctors seated.  Taking her own chair, Shepard grinned over at the two women.  “Enjoying yourselves, ladies?” she asked, unable to refrain from grinning just from sheer happiness.  
  
Dr. Chakwas laughed and Dr. Michel smiled.  “It is quite a festive occasion,” Dr. Michel replied, face slightly flushed from all the excitement.  “It has been a long time since I have attended such an event.”  
  
Dr. Chakwas snorted her amusement.  “From what I hear,” she teased, “you have the crew in an uproar.  How could you have hidden your dancing talents, Shepard?”  
  
Shepard chuckled.  Leaning in, voice lowering to a conspiratorial whisper, she replied, “It was all in the name of morale, doctor.”    
  
The laughter was beginning to die down when a shadow fell over Shepard. Tilting her head to her right, she found herself glancing up at her husband.   _Husband!_  “Come on, _wife_ ,” he groused good naturedly while taking her hand in his and tugging gently.  “Dance with me again.”  
  
More laughter, a weak attempt at a protest from Shepard, but she rose to her feet beside him.  As they turned to walk away, Shepard heard Dr. Michel call out, “Enjoy yourself, General!  This qualifies as ‘relaxing’!”

~ ~ ~

  
Winded, Samantha dropped gracelessly into a chair at a table where Gabby, Ken, Shannon and Kolyat were already seated.  Shannon was quick to hand over a drink for which the specialist was eternally grateful.  Offering a silent toast, she tossed back a substantial amount of the beverage before commenting, “Whew!  The General sure knows how to host a party, doesn’t she?  And … the dancing!  Who knew!”  
  
Shannon laughed, sipping at her own drink.  “I must admit,” she offered, “I’m not quite certain why it was such a shock to you all.”  
  
Ken and Gabby exchanged a quick look with each other before they and Traynor burst into fits of alcohol-enhanced giggles.  “Trust me, Shannon,” Samantha told her, “you’re better off not knowing!”  
  
Gabby nodded emphatically.  “From what I’ve heard … it was horrendous!”  
  
“And to think, she did it on _purpose!_ ” Ken exclaimed.    
  
“For morale, you dolt!” Gabby returned, though she softened her words with a grin.    
  
Shannon and Kolyat both chuckled now.  “It apparently worked well?” Shannon offered.  
  
Traynor grinned.  “Too well,” she agreed.  Then she sighed softly.  “You’d think I’d have learned by now … that woman is too sneaky by half!”

~ ~ ~

  
Shepard found him turning away from a group of people and moved in quickly, her hand sliding into his and lacing their fingers together quickly.  Leaning up near his ear, she whispered, “When can we escape?”  
  
Kaidan chuckled softly.  “That anxious, are you?” he teased with a knowing smirk.  
  
She rolled her eyes, but the smile remained in place.  “Let’s just get out of here, okay?” she countered.  “I’m ready for some ‘alone time’ with you.”  Truth was, she was utterly exhausted, a fact that Dr. Chakwas had noted and commented on just a few minutes before, which ultimately meant that Dr. Michel found out and the two had cornered her, reminding her that yes, it was her special day and all, but she still needed to relax and take care of herself and the baby.    
  
Kaidan, though, understood because they had found him around the same time to point that fact out to him as well.  Pulling Shepard’s hand close, he brushed a kiss across her knuckles then scanned the shuttle bay quickly.  Most everyone was distracted by something or someone.  “Come on,” he murmured, hand tightening around hers just a bit, tugging gently at her arm as he started towards the elevator.  “We may be able to get away before anyone -”  
  
No sooner had he started to point this out than several shouts came from across the room.  Shepard started laughing as Kaidan tugged at her hand a bit more desperately, but she kept her steps moving forward.  “Hurry!” she hissed at the lift as he fiddled with the elevator call, only vaguely wondering why it wasn’t already waiting for them, but too happy to care.    
  
A moment later, the doors opened and Kaidan stepped in through the doors, pulling her along with him.  Still laughing, Shepard leaned over, peering around the edge of the door, waving at the others who were now gathering and waving back, cheering at them, shouting their congratulations and generally wishing them well.  As the doors closed, she straightened, turning to face Kaidan, her smile meeting his.  “We are very fortunate in our friends,” she murmured quietly as she stepped closer to him.  
  
Kaidan nodded, hands wrapping around her waist as she leaned against him.  “We are indeed,” he agreed.    
  
The several minutes spent traveling up to the captain’s cabin were spent in silence, only broken when the doors finally opened once more.  Then, in an unexpected move, Shepard glanced up to note a mischievous glint in his eyes in the half second before he bent over to lift her into his arms.  “Kaidan!” she gasped, arms flying around his shoulders to steady herself, “What are you doing?!”  His chuckle was warm, deep, and incredibly sexy, she thought, but it didn’t distract her from searching for an answer.  “Kaidan?”  
  
Stepping off the elevator, Kaidan paused at the door to the cabin.  “I’m carrying you over the threshold,” he explained.    
  
Shepard gave him a skeptical look.  “You’re … what?”  
  
“You’ve never heard of this?” he queried, turning slightly so he could use his elbow to trigger the door.    
  
Shepard shrugged.  To be honest, she’d not paid much attention to wedding customs over the years.  Sure, she’d had friends who had married and such, but since leaving Mindoir, it just hadn’t been something she’d put much focus on, not that it had been then either.  “Can’t say that I have.”  
  
The door opened, but Kaidan remained still a moment longer.  “It’s an old Earth custom, just one of those good luck traditions,” he explained.  “Something that’s happened for centuries and all.  And,” he added with a grin, “I figured after all we’d been through together, it couldn’t hurt for a bit of luck, right?”  
  
Shepard nodded.  “It couldn’t hurt, I suppose,” she agreed.  
  
Taking that as her ‘permission,’ Kaidan stepped into the cabin then carefully set her down on the floor once more before leaning over to give her a lingering kiss.  “That wasn’t so bad, now, was it?”  
  
“Only,” she murmured softly against his lips, hands moving to work at the closures of his uniform jacket, “if you don’t get out of this and soon.”  
  
Kaidan grinned down at her.  “Is that an order, General?” he teased, though his hands moved to assist her.    
  
“Only if it needs to be, Major,” she replied as she began pushing the jacket off his shoulders.  

~ ~ ~

  
 _Act casual.  Act normal.  No one knows.  No one …._  
  
It had taken time … an inordinate amount of time to get back into contact with them.  From the moment they’d left Earth, she’d been worried.  What if they did something to her mother?  Harmed her in some way because they thought she’d run away from them?  What if …?  
  
But today … well, that had been unexpected.  Before this afternoon, it hadn’t been possible to find a way to contact her ‘employers.’  To be seen in the city would have made her known to others.  Other who could be questioned, who could speak out against her of their own free will.  So she’d waited.  Bided her time.  Prayed to God that no action would be taken against her mother as a result.  But then, _finally_ , she’d lucked out.  Not during the ceremony, brief as it was.  That would have been too big of a chance to take.  No, she’d managed to break away during the festivities that followed.    
  
The party was for everyone on board, it seemed, though she knew there were still guards on duty.  Most of them, though, were stationed at the hatches to the ship.  A couple in the war room, just in case an important message came in, and one inside or just outside the entrance to the Bridge, Engineering, AI Core, Life Support and the Main Battery.  It had made things tricky, but she’d managed to find a way around it.  And no one had been any wiser.  
  
Her initial contact had been brief.  A simple coded message to alert them to the fact that she was still around, onboard the ship, and still near the General.  After their acknowledgement of the situation, she had sent another coded message, this one an update of Shepard’s current situation.  She’d even managed to include a bit regarding today’s festivities.  The thrill of danger - the time spent waiting for a second reply - had nearly turned her into a nervous wreck that time, but by the time she’d rejoined the party in the shuttle bay, she’d composed herself well enough that no one had noticed anything out of place.  And now that she had some reassurances that all was safe and well with her mother, she could focus back on the job at hand.    
  
Hopefully, their next port of call would be easier to report from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Shepard and Kaidan are dancing to is "Don't Stop Believing," by Journey.


	22. In With the New

Residual celebratory after effects aside, the _Normandy_ and her crew departed the next morning relatively on time.  If the groom was able to rise and get himself to his post on time, then everyone else on board certainly could.  Or so the theory went.  If anyone happened to be a few minutes behind schedule, though, it wasn’t Kaidan who was pointing it out.  He was too busy gratefully accepting the cup of hot coffee Specialist Traynor had thoughtfully had brought up for him to notice any latecomers.  

 

For her part, Shepard rose within an hour of her husband’s departure ( _Husband!_ Now that might take a little bit of getting used to!), that whole lack of warmth thing proving to be more than just a bit of a wake up call for her.  She washed and dressed quickly before making her way to the crew deck.  Those of the crew not currently on duty were doing well to make their way to the mess area, she found.  Though no one seemed all that chipper (Shepard made a mental note to find out just how late the party had lasted after she and Kaidan had left), for the most part they did seem to be managing to warily eat their way through the meal and eventually on to their posts or, in a few rare cases, back to bed or even the med bay until the worst of the hangovers and stomach upsets had passed.  

  
Several members of the least affected of the crew, whom Shepard suspected had been on guard duty during the majority of the celebration and therefore had missed out on most of the drinking, were brave enough to sit with her for a time while she ate.  Their conversation while not very lively, was certainly polite and congratulatory enough, a fact made real when they saluted the general before departing for their stations.  

  
She was making her way through a second round of breakfast seated by herself when Shepard heard a familiar rumbling voice behind her.  “How can you possibly be up at this Spirits-cursed hour?”

  
Shepard chuckled and grinned as Garrus took a seat beside her.  “What’s wrong, old man?” she teased.  “I don’t recall you having this much trouble after some of our celebrations last year.”

 

Garrus snorted before taking a drink from the mug he held.  Though she’d never ventured into what he drank of a morning (Turian coffee?  Tea?  Something else?), it had served its purpose for him over the years aboard the _Normandy._  This morning, however, it seemed even _that_ wasn’t going to help her friend start his day off right.  “That’s because you were having the same trouble,” he countered with a groan and then a wince.

 

Shepard chuckled.  That part was probably true.  Yesterday, especially with both doctors in attendance, Shepard had been very careful about what she’d consumed and how much.  It was amazing how much better she could feel for it the next morning.  Or maybe it just seemed that way relative to his current condition.

  
Rising to her feet, Shepard nodded towards the kitchen area.  “Come on,” she encouraged him.  “We’ll get some real food in you.  It’s got to help.”  

 

Garrus followed her, but refused to comment regarding his thoughts on eatingl.  Instead, he stared at her tray and frowned while asking, “Just how much have you eaten?  Is this your second trip back?”

 

Shepard chuckled.  “Third,” she admitted.  At his look, she retorted, “What?  I’m hungry!  I _am_ eating for two here, you know!”  She patted the bump, now made even more obvious in her new clothing.  She swore there was something about wearing maternity clothing that seemed to advertise her condition more than she felt was necessary.  But at least the clothing was comfortable.

 

“Two krogan, maybe,” Garrus replied off-handedly before ducking the half-hearted swat Shepard tossed in his direction.  The immediate groan was the only indication that he’d moved just a bit too quickly.

 

Setting her tray aside, she ran her hands over the swell, tilting her head to the side as she smiled down at it.  “Ignore him,” she advised the child within while patting it gently.  Though, she had to admit, even if silently, it did seem a bit larger than before.  Maybe he had a point?  “Your Uncle Garrus is just a bit -”

 

“Uncle?”

 

Shepard bit back a laugh as she glanced over at him.  He truly seemed shocked by her choice of words.  “Well … why not?” she asked easily.  “I mean, you _did_ just give away the bride yesterday, as I recall.  You _must_ be family, right?”  

 

When Garrus seemed at a loss for words, Shepard peered just a bit closer.  It was then that she realized just how … overcome he actually was.  “Hey, Garrus,” she murmured, stepping closer and reaching out to touch his arm, “you okay?  You don’t mind, do you?”

  
His eyes widened, then closed quickly, sharply, as the light must have been too bright for his eyes.  “Mind?” he finally managed.  “No!  Not at all!  I just …  I mean, I hadn’t given it much …  You know, Shepard, you really should give ….  Damn.”

  
He was saved from having to try to explain any further by Liara’s arrival.  A quick glance assured Shepard that her asari friend seemed to have survived the worst of the day before well enough, though even Shepard had to wonder if the slightly off shade of her usual blue was an indication that she’d had just a bit too much fun.  “Shepard, good.  I was hoping to find you.”

  
Shepard sighed.   _Then again …._  Shepard supposed it said something for the closeness of their relationship that she could tell by her friend’s choice of words and the tone in which they were said that something was wrong.  Eyeing the tray she’d yet to refill, she decided to go for a cup of tea instead.  Instinct was screaming at her that whatever it was Liara was about to bring to her attention would have another round of bacon and eggs settling as a cold lump in her stomach afterwards.  

 

“Alright,” she replied while reaching for a mug and the tea kettle before hunting down the tea bags.  “What’s up?”  A quick glance over at Garrus reassured her he was sticking around for this conversation as well.  Apparently, he’d caught Liara’s tone too.

  
“Yesterday, during your celebration, I received some information from one of my agents back on Earth,” Liara explained quietly.  She gave Shepard a quick smile.  “This is neither the time nor the place to discuss it, as I’m sure you’re well aware.  But if you’d like, we can pull everyone together in the conference room and I can update you there.”  

  
Garrus straightened then, murmuring, “I’ll tell the others,” before turning to leave.  Shepard watched him walk away without comment while listening as Liara continued.  “I’ll have Glyph coordinate the displays with the conference room.”

 

Shepard sighed.  “Right.”  Lifting a hand to rub at her right temple, she cursed the slight discomfort already starting to form there.  It was just as well she hadn’t been drinking last night, it seemed, though it appeared she would still end up with a nasty headache.  “I’ll meet you up there in a few minutes.”  She damned well was going to get her cup of tea before she headed up there.  At this rate, she was going to need it.  

 

~ ~ ~

 

Okay, so maybe she hadn’t been as far into her cups the night before as she _could_ have been, Shannon thought, but she’d certainly enjoyed the celebration just a bit more than maybe she had intended.  A more laid back and relaxed opportunity to speak with some of the other members of the crew she couldn’t have asked for, though, and they had certainly been welcoming in their assessment of her as far as she could tell.  Conversation, dancing, all of it had been fun and quite enlightening.

 

But today …. today, Shannon was paying the price.  A long, hot, steaming shower had helped somewhat.  Breakfast, not so much, as she’d had to dash for the ladies room not too long after making the attempt.  She’d met Dr. Michel in the hall a short while later and the doctor, thankfully, had been willing to offer assistance.  After a brief side trip to the med bay, several painkillers and two bottles of water later, Shannon thanked the woman and headed out to start off her day.  Or, rather, re-start it.

 

It was at that point that Shannon ran into Shepard, almost literally, as she came around the corner of the med bay and into the mess hall.  “Good morning, General,” she managed, hands thrown out automatically to keep Shepard from losing grip on the mug in her hand.

 

“Good morning, Lieutenant,” Shepard replied, moving beside Shannon.  Shannon tolerated the quick visual inspection and attempted to straighten in the process, but she knew she’d failed as she winced when the light caught her eye and a blinding flash of pain streaked behind her eyes.  Shepard’s soft smirk only confirmed it.  “Enjoyed yourself yesterday?”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Shannon managed.  

  
“Good.”  Shepard gestured towards the elevator.  “Time to get back to work then.”  They entered the elevator and Shepard pressed the button for the CIC.  “We’re about to get some updated information from one of Liara’s sources,” she explained.

  
Shannon nodded and stood straighter.  “Yes, ma’am.”  She wasn’t certain just how much assistance she’d be able to provide at this point, but she would make the effort.  It was her job, after all.

 

The lift doors opened then and Shannon stepped off, following Shepard around in the direction of the War Room. She nodded briefly at Samantha as they passed and then nearly tripped over some wiring while turning towards the security checkpoint.  Frowning slightly, Shannon couldn’t help but wonder if it was just her imagination, or if the normally dim lighting in the CIC wasn’t just a bit more subdued than usual today ….

 

When Shepard turned into the conference room, Shannon followed, yet the moment she entered the room she felt out of place.  The others greeted her politely enough - Liara, Garrus, Tali - but Shannon still felt … extraneous.  Her hesitation must have showed because Shepard glanced over at her and offered her a friendly smile, gesturing to the space beside her at the table.  Quickly and quietly, Shannon moved into place.  

  
“Kaidan will be here in a minute,” Garrus told Shepard and Shannon saw her nodding.  “Something about wanting to make sure Joker didn’t launch any suicide missions while we were in conference.”

 

Shepard chuckled.  Shannon gathered that this must be some sort of inside joke by the look exchanged between the two, and therefore remained silent.  

 

A soft groan from the opposite side of the table caught Shannon’s attention then and she as well as the others turned towards it.  With only the slightest hint of amusement in her tone, Shannon heard Shepard ask in a cheerful and chipper tone, “Doing alright over there, Tali?”

 

The quarian responded with some muffled comments, concluding with a rough and raspy sounding, “Bosh’tet!”  Whatever it meant (Tali was the first quarian Shannon had ever met), it seemed to set the others chuckling which in turn set Tali to muttering and mumbling once again.  However, this all ceased the moment Major Alenko arrived.  

  
“What do we have?” he asked as he entered the room.  Nodding his greeting to everyone, including Shannon, he walked around to stand on Shepard’s other side.

  
Liara pulled up her omni-tool and pressed a few buttons.  The lights of the room dimmed just a bit and an image projected against the far wall.  “One of my sources back on earth was able to provide me with this.  It’s been taken from one of the bodies from the last attack.”

  
Shannon frowned as she looked at it.  Sadly, the image itself was not of good quality, the graininess masking any finer details, but she could tell that it was of a body clad in armor that had quite a bit of damage to it.  As a secondary thought, Shannon noted the damage seemed to have been caused by a shotgun.  Beyond that, though, it was difficult to make out any distinctions other than it was the same armor as those who had attacked them back on earth.  

 

“It’s … different,” Shepard murmured, eyes narrowed and focuses on the image.  

 

“Same colors, different paint scheme and design,” Garrus agreed.  

 

Liara nodded.  “I think we can safely assume, as you’ve been saying all along, Shepard, that this group does have some affiliation with Cerberus.”

 

Kaidan shared a look with Shepard.  “And therefore, they are clearly after Shepard.”

  
“Yes,” Liara agreed.  “So it would seem.”

  
Shannon’s attention turned back to the image for a moment.  She’d seen Cerberus armor before, during training, and granted this _did_ look like it, but there was something about it not sitting right.  As Garrus had pointed out, the paint scheme was different, but as had been pointed out during her training, there were different cells of Cerberus.  It was feasible that the armor designs would have varied from cell to cell.  She ignored the conversation around her for the moment, though, actually leaving her position beside Shepard and moving towards the image to see it better.  It was something else that was nagging at her.  Something she couldn’t quite put into words just yet.  

 

As she passed the turian, he asked, “Something the matter, lieutenant?”  It was enough to bring her out of her fog and notice that the room around her had become silent, all eyes upon her.  Blushing, she dropped her gaze and stammered, “I’m sorry … It looks different … but I thought I recognized it from somewhere ….”

 

Shepard’s brow lifted in question.  “Go ahead,” she encouraged.  “At this point, we’re open to any and all suggestions.”

 

Shannon met the general’s gaze for a long moment, felt a wave of reassurance at the encouragement there and nodded.  “Yes, ma’am.”  Stepping up beside the picture, Shannon used her finger to outline a specific area.  “Liara, is there a way to get a better image of this area?” she asked.

  
The asari frowned and fiddled with her omni-tool for a moment.  Shannon took a couple of steps back, waiting.  The area requested was brought back up, about fifty per cent larger than before, but it was the clarity of the image Shannon was after.  Again, due to the graininess of the image it was difficult, but whatever Liara had done made it so that she could somewhat see the design.  

 

“That’s … new,” Garrus observed.  When Shannon glanced over at him, she saw him tilting his head to the side as if to get a better look at it.  The others did the same.

 

For herself, Shannon nodded.  “That’s not the Cerberus logo,” she pointed out.  Though done in a similar style, the black and gold markings that had been so symbolic of the group in past had been replaced by design with the colors reversed.  This time, however, the design was one that looked to be T-shaped in gold, lined on the outer edges by black, the ends open and the gold running beyond the edge of the black.  The rest of the armor seemed about the same as before.

 

“The letter T?” Tali mused.  Glancing over at Shepard, she attempted to inject a bit of levity to the moment by teasing, “I sincerely hope you aren’t thinking that I am behind this, Shepard.”

 

Shepard chuckled.  “Nah,” she returned with a warm smile, “the colors don’t suit you.”

 

In that brief moment, Shannon managed to catch just a glimpse into the unique bond that Shepard had with her friends.  To know that she was allowed to witness it let alone be a part of it was humbling indeed.  

 

Turning her attention back to the image, Shannon began chewing on her lower lip.  She wished she could figure out what it was that was niggling at the back of her brain about it, but whatever it was, it was stubborn and refusing to cooperate.  

 

“So, I’m guessing it’s safe to assume they’ve changed their name,” Garrus commented.  

  
Liara nodded.  “I think that is a safe assumption, yes.  But my source told me that, whatever name it is they have chosen, none of the few captured prisoners taken were willing to openly admit.”

  
“Why be so secretive?” Kaidan mused.

  
Liara shrugged.  “That, I don’t know.”

  
“You’d think they’d _want_ people to know who they are,” Tali pointed out.  “Cerberus certainly wasn’t afraid of announcing themselves to the world.”

 

Garrus grunted his agreement.  “Maybe they’re just waiting for the right moment.”

 

 _… the right moment …._  Shannon gasped as something finally clicked.  Spinning quickly on her heel, she turned to look at Shepard.  “Maybe,” she announced quietly, “they’ve missed their opportunity for just that moment on three occasions recently?”

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

Shepard felt a chill creep and crawl down her back at Shannon’s suggestion, but there was no denying she was onto something.  Somehow finding a steady voice, she managed, “So they want to use my capture as their defining moment?”

  
Liara nodded.  “It makes sense.  Capture the mythical Commander Shepard.  They could get their revenge in any manner of ways, many of which we discussed last time.  And no matter what the outcome - whether the Alliance came to your assistance or not - they would have achieved the notoriety they were after, thereby establishing their credibility as a replacement organization for Cerberus.”

 

Shepard swallowed tightly, attempting to downplay the utter terror her friend’s words were triggering.   _If_ things were normal, this would never have been an issue.  She would have simply grabbed her gear, her companions, and they could have taken the fight to the enemy as they always had done in the past.  But this time around ….  

 

Glancing over at Kaidan, Shepard could see he recognized the precarious nature to the situation too.  As long as she was pregnant, fighting back would be more difficult, and the thought of taking the fight to the enemy was simply out of the question.  No amount of N7 or Alliance training, or her Spectre status would help her here.  Which meant that for the next several months, at the very least until the child was born, they would have to be constantly on the defense, having to watch their backs and worry.  

 

Try as she might to hide her concerns from him, Shepard realized she must have failed at some level when Kaidan took a step closer towards her and pulled her hand firmly into his.  “We will find a way,” he promised quietly.  “Remember, you’re not alone.”

  
His words had tears forming quickly thereafter.  Squeezing his hand in return, she could only nod in response.  

  
“So,” Garrus asked then, providing a much needed diversion to Shepard’s way of thinking, “what do we do next?  Where do we go?”

 

Liara turned to face them.  “My source suggested we head to the new Citadel.  The reconstruction effort is well underway above London,” she explained, “and he implied that there is a potential new source waiting to meet us with further information there.  Important information.”

 

Shepard could feel the weight of the unasked question settling over the room, but no one seemed to be willing to ask it.  Sighing in resignation, she composed herself and gave voice to the one thought she knew they all were harboring.  “But will it be safe for us to return to Earth so soon after the last attack?  Especially,” she added, her hand coming to rest over the baby, “now.”

 

“I think so,” Liara returned almost immediately.  Facing Shepard, she continued, “Think about it:  They won’t be expecting us to return so soon after we just made a point to escape the system.  That should buy us some time.  Confusion can be our ally in this case.”

 

“And your source?” Tali queried.  

 

Garrus nodded.  “Tali has a point.  Can you be so sure your source isn’t corrupted?”

  
Liara gave them a reassuring smile.  “My source is unimpeachable,” she promised.  

 

Shepard frowned.  It wasn’t often she questioned Liara about her sources, but given how things had been playing out over the last few months, she couldn’t just risk things as she might have once done.  She opened her mouth to challenge her friend when Liara met her gaze, her eyes narrowing just a bit as she added, “Shepard, trust me.”  And just like that, Shepard sighed and gave in.  What else could she do?  Liara was the Shadow Broker.  She had the security and safety of her agents to consider.  But she was also a trusted ally and friend.  If there was anything Shepard was certain of, it was that the asari would not allow any harm to come to Shepard or the baby, or any of the rest of the _Normandy_ crew for that matter.  

  
“Alright,” Shepard agreed after another moment.  Glancing up at Kaidan, she caught his slight nod of agreement.  “I guess we’ll head back to Earth then.”  Turning to him, she managed a small smile while squeezing his hand again.  “We probably should check in with the Council, too.  Let them know we’re still around to, you know … do Spectre-y type things?”

  
Shepard couldn’t help but smile after Kaidan actually chuckled.  It was worth it to be just a bit silly about it all so she could see the increasing worry there leave his eyes for just a moment.  Despite his protests to the contrary, the worry should be hers and hers alone to focus on.  “Agreed,” he replied while releasing her hand.  “I’ll go set our course on the galaxy map.  If there’s nothing else?”  This was accompanied with a glance towards Liara.

  
The asari shook her head.  “Though I will accompany you.  I should get back to my office to see if any further word has come in.”  

 

~ ~ ~

 

They’d passed through the security checkpoint before Kaidan spoke again.  “I can’t believe she fell for that without comment,” he observed.

  
Liara’s smile had a bit of a wily aspect to it.  “I am good at what I do,” she replied easily.  “I can fool even Shepard once in awhile.”

  
Kaidan chuckled as they neared the elevator, though he knew it probably had more to do with the level of worry Shepard was currently facing than anything else.  While they waited, he asked in a subdued tone, “So … you obviously wanted to speak to me.  What’s up?”

  
“I’ve had further word from this source,” Liara returned just as quietly.  She really didn’t want to speak of this here, with the rest of the crew and the potential for one of them to overhear so close at hand, but she had no choice.  Kaidan needed to know.  “It came in during the meeting.  It has been suggested, in a very vague sort of a way, that this Cerberus group might have a mole placed on board the _Normandy._ ”

 

Kaidan’s eyes widened in shock at that announcement, his breath audible as he inhaled sharply and suddenly.  “How vague?” he demanded.

  
Liara shook her head.  “Very, I’m afraid.  There was nothing my source could provide as a back up to this claim.  From all I could gather, it is what you and Shepard might call a ‘gut instinct.’”

 

Kaidan sighed.  As much as he didn’t want to believe that it could have happened, he knew well enough that it could have at some point.  But without proof ….  It wouldn’t be good for morale if they were to start a witch hunt of sorts onboard the ship, either.  Sighing again, he nodded.  “Alright.  We’ll just … keep an eye out then, I guess.  Until we have something more solid, at any rate.”

  
Liara nodded her agreement.  “Should I tell Shepard about it?  The others?”

  
“No,” Kaidan insisted immediately.  “Shepard doesn’t need the added stress.  She has enough to handle for right now.  As for the others … the fewer people who know, the less likely something like this can be found out by the rest of the crew.  For now, we’ll just sit on it.  But,” he added, his eyes meeting hers, “if you hear anything more solid -”

  
“You will be the first to know.  I promise,” she agreed.  The elevator arrived then and she stepped inside.  “Hopefully, it’s just a false alarm.”

  
Kaidan stepped back from the door, nodding.  “Thanks, Liara.”  As the doors shut, he turned towards the galaxy map, ascending the steps there so he could set their destination.  

  
“So,” Traynor’s voice broke through his thoughts as he began to dial in their course, “where are we off to next?”

 

Kaidan completed his task and turned to reply when he heard Joker’s voice break in over the comm.  “Um, major?  Are you serious about this?”

  
Kaidan chuckled while giving Traynor a smile.  “Yes, Joker, quite serious,” he replied.  “We’re heading back home.  Again.”  He noted the thunderstruck look on Traynor’s face.  “Well,” he added, “not exactly ‘home’, but close enough.”

  
“Close enough, huh,” Joker countered.  “Let’s just hope it’s not ‘close enough’ so that we end up losing the ship again, alright?”

  
Traynor broke in this time, giggling slightly while giving Kaidan a cheeky grin and replying, “Don’t worry, Joker.  I have my new toothbrush.  We’ll be good to get on board in an emergency.”  

 

“Fine, fine!”  The click of the com going off was barely heard by either as Kaidan and Traynor’s amusement got the better of them just then.

  
  
  



	23. New Citadel

  
“Ahhhhhh!”

 

Kaidan bolted awake, jolted by Shepard’s sudden cry.  Alarm and adrenaline warring through his system, he felt her jerk beside him suddenly, pulling away and in that moment, his sleep-filled brain interpreted it as an attack.  Instinctively, even as he was still trying to fight his way to a wakeful state, his biotics flared, literally ready on hand.  “Shepard!”

 

Turning, he found her curling into a fetal position, or as much of a one as her current state of pregnancy would allow, arms grasping frantically at the calf of her right leg.  “Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!” she whimpered, pitch scaling upwards with each word indicating her increasing level of pain.  Kaidan thought he saw a tear rolling down her cheek as well.   _What the hell?_

 

Reality finally settled around him after another moment and he reined in his biotics before reaching over to touch her as reality started to take shape.  “Shepard,” he called again, softer this time, arms closing around her as he sought a way to help even though he didn’t know the problem yet.  “What’s wrong?”

 

She continued whimpering softly, which only served to emphasize to him that she was in a very high level of pain.  Of all the people he knew, she had the highest tolerance for it.  To hear it so clearly in her tone right then nearly had him cringing.  After another moment or two, he heard her gasp, “Cramp … leg...”  

 

That was enough to get him moving into action.  Rolling over, he positioned himself so that he could take her leg in hand, set the pad of her foot at his shoulder and began to press both leg and angle of her foot forward with it.  Between bent knee and flexed foot, he hoped all potential cramping areas would be relieved.  At the same time, though, he also began massaging her calf with one of his hands, gently pushing hers away from it.  “Just try to relax,” he murmured encouragingly.  They’d had this happen before, occasionally after a difficult mission where they’d spent far too long in the field and returned aboard ship completely spent, muscles protesting over exertion and strain.  This had been one method he’d used to help her cope before.  He hoped it would do the same this time.

 

From his position over her now, he could see her eyes in the dim lighting, see that the pain seemed to be registering with more intensity than he’d ever seen in her before.  “Just try to relax, love,” he murmured.  But the continued look of pain in her eyes had him worried.  Maybe it was something more this time?  Something left over from her injuries from the Citadel?  Something tied in with the baby?  He didn’t have a clue and that lack of understanding was now warring with panic and an imagination that wanted to get carried away with itself.  He had to fight to maintain his composure.

 

Pausing his actions for a moment, Kaidan pressed a button on his communicator.  “Doc?  Yeah, it’s Kaidan.  Shepard’s in a lot of pain at the moment - yeah.  No, her leg.  Yeah.  Okay.  Our cabin.  Right.  See you soon.”  

 

The moment he finished his call, his hand returned to massaging Shepard’s calf again.  All the while, he continued to press the leg forward, foot flexed, knee bent, gently trying to stretch the muscles.  “Doc will be here soon, Shepard,” he told her quietly.  “She said she’d bring something to help.”  Shepard only nodded, head turning to the side, hands fisting into the sheets beside her, but he could still see the pain in her eyes.  He hoped that Doc would hurry.

 

~ ~ ~

 

When she arrived at the door to the Captain’s cabin, Chloe found it unlocked so she entered without knocking.  The worry she’d heard in the Major’s voice had her concerned enough to forgo normal protocols and courtesy.  “Major?  General?” she called out as she moved inside.

 

“Over here, Doc,” Kaidan replied.

 

Chloe crossed through the cabin quickly.  When she came to the steps leading down, she spotted them, noticed the Major’s efforts to assist Shepard.  “Good.  That is good, Major,” she murmured as she approached the bed.  Setting a syringe to the side on the nightstand, she triggered her omni-tool and started scanning Shepard.  During the process, she explained, “Let me do a scan, make certain there is nothing else behind this.”  She didn’t think it would be a blood clot.  At least, she _hoped_ it wouldn’t be anything that serious, though if it were, between herself and Karin they could certainly handle it.  On the plus side, so far to this point Shepard’s medical checks had all been routine.  But given her previous medical history and recovery from injuries, Chloe wanted to be sure.

 

As she ran her omni-tool over Shepard, she saw the woman’s head turn, eyes meeting her own.  Giving her a reassuring smile, she was quick to add, “Everything is fine, Shepard.  Just try to relax, hmm?”  Another swipe with the omni-tool.  Finally, Chloe nodded and closed her scanner.  “Good.  It is only a simple cramp.”  She reached for the syringe she had set aside earlier.  

 

Reaching over to push up Shepard’s sleeve, Chloe prepared to give her patient the injection.  Shepard, glanced down and then back up at the doctor.  “What ...?”

 

Chloe smiled.  “A painkiller with a boost of potassium,” she assured her.  “Later we can go over other things you can do to prevent this from recurring.”

 

The only indication Shepard gave that she’d heard was a slight nod as she turned her head again, wincing as the needle poked through flesh.  Chloe moved quickly, recalling Shepard’s particular dislike of needles.  “There we go,” she murmured a moment later as she pocketed the spent syringe.  “All done.”  Turning towards Kaidan, she added, “Major, you can ease up the pressure now.  Slowly, please.”

 

He did as asked, finally setting Shepard’s leg down on the bed.  “Thanks, Doc.  Sorry about the late night call.”

 

Chloe smiled at him as she turned to leave.  “Nothing to worry about, Major.  I was on duty in the med bay.  This was more exciting than the medical journal I was reading, trust me.”  With another smile, she excused herself and left.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Shepard was grateful that the painkiller worked as quickly as it did.  Though there was still an ache in her leg, the worst she’d ever experienced by far in her life, it was beginning to ease off.  Enough so that when Kaidan came back to bed, Shepard was able to roll over and face him with a semblance of a smile.  He climbed into the bed, sliding beneath the covers and pulled her close.  Sighing, she curled up against him.  “Thanks,” she murmured.  

 

She could feel his smile against her forehead.  “Better now?”

 

“Getting there,” she replied.  “Hopefully by morning I’ll be good as new.”  

 

She felt his arms tighten around her.  “Here’s hoping.”

  


~ ~ ~

 

The trip through the relay on the return to the Sol System was uneventful, and it was a relatively short time before the _Normandy_ had Earth lined up in its sights.  At the same time, however, there was a heightened sense of readiness on board.  Though it had seemed longer, it had only been a matter of weeks since they had fled Earth in an effort to protect Shepard from those who were after her.  With that in mind, the crew were determined to maintain that sense of security for her as they returned.  

 

Of course, they would not be landing _on_ Earth per se, but the Citadel itself.  Or, rather, _New Citadel_ , as people had taken to calling it.

 

The cleanup and reconstruction had begun almost immediately after the war had ended, even without the presence of the Council at the time to advise.  Miraculously (or not) the army of keepers that had once serviced the Citadel still remained and when the first crews returned to start their assessment for reconstruction, it was discovered that the keepers had already started the process.  And, though the actual reconstruction of the entire Citadel would take years, even decades, for the most part things were going well.  With the arrival of the Council and additional teams from council and non-council races, the process was stepped up.  The first area to receive attention had been the trading districts of the Presidium.  From there, reconstruction efforts were gradually fanning out among the rest of the wards.  

 

As the _Normandy_ approached, preparing to dock in its usual berth, it was hard to miss the signs of recovery all around them as they passed.  Shepard quietly entered the bridge as Joker was pulling the ship into dock, Kaidan standing behind him, arm leaning against the pilot’s chair.  Both men were staring out through the windows, seemingly entranced.  Shepard couldn’t blame them either.  

 

“That’s it,” the pilot announced a moment later.  “We’re docked.”

 

“Good,” Kaidan told him.  “You staying on board?”

 

Joker snorted softly.  “After what happened during shore leave last year?” he challenged.  “Hell yeah, I’m staying on board.”

 

Shepard bit her lip to keep from laughing.  It was about that point that Kaidan turned and spotted her.  “Hey there.”

 

She grinned.  “Hey.  Ready to face the Council?”

 

Guiding her off the bridge, he leaned over to murmur in her ear while giving her belly a pointed look, “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

 

Shepard laughed as several of the others arrived including Tali, Liara, Cortez and Garrus.  Brow lifting in question, it was Tali who commented, “We thought you might like a bit of … company, Shepard.”  Shepard didn’t need to glance at Kaidan to know that he was behind this.  And to be quite honest, she found she didn’t mind.  

 

As they exited the ship, Cortez moved up to Shepard’s left.  “I’ll be checking on procurement possibilities while ashore, too,” he told her.  

 

Shepard nodded.  “Good.  Let me know what you come up with.”  A quick glance over at Tali and Garrus had her asking them, “Will you both be trying to reach your families during this visit?”  They hadn’t had time, after all, during their last trip to Earth.  Hopefully, comm buoys were beginning to get up and working now that the Charon Relay was somewhat repaired.

 

“If there’s time,” Garrus replied after exchanging a look with the quarian.  Tali’s nod of agreement was quick and firm.  

 

“Our first stop, though,” Liara reminded her, “should be the -”

 

Liara’s sudden cessation in the middle of her sentence had Shepard turning to find out what the problem was.  Ahead of them, at the gateway between the dock and the Citadel itself stood a team of guards dressed in C-Sec uniforms.  Armed with C-Sec weapons.  Shepard felt a frown forming and did not fail to notice as her companions, husband included, shifted their positions as well.  Though unarmed for the most part (per Kaidan’s standing order, no matter their departure point any crew member going ashore should be armed with a pistol at the very least), with Kaidan and Liara directly in front of her, Garrus and Cortez to either side and Tali behind, Shepard felt safe enough.  

 

“General Shepard?”

 

Shepard noted a woman stepping from behind the group of guards, unarmed, dressed in the standard C-Sec fatigues with which Shepard was familiar.  “I’m Shepard,” she called back.  She took a step closer, nudging her way between Kaidan and Liara.  

 

The woman took another couple steps closer as did Shepard.  Finally, pausing to offer a salute, she spoke again.  “Captain Meghan Dennison, General.  C-Sec.  I was asked to watch for your arrival.”

 

Shepard’s eyes narrowed.  “Asked by whom, Captain?” she queried.  No surprise when Liara and Kaidan moved in close once again.  Had she not been so focused on the stranger before her, Shepard might have smiled.

 

“By the Council, ma’am,” Dennison explained.  Signaling the guards behind her, they separated so that Shepard and her group could pass through.  “While they would like to meet with you, they are rather busy at the moment.  I have been asked to let you know that Councilor Sparatus _will_ see you in about an hour at his office.  This is the navpoint.”

 

It took all her willpower for Shepard to keep from laughing aloud.  Was this not always the case when she was needing to see the Council?  Apparently, things had not changed much with the end of the Reaper War.  “Alright.”  She glanced at her omni-tool, saw Kaidan’s light up at the same time as well.  “Please inform the Councilor we will meet him there at that time.”  

 

“Thank you, General.”  

 

Dennison turned to leave, guards moving to follow, when Shepard called out, “Captain, I have a quick question, if you have a moment.”

 

Dennison turned back around.  “Of course, General.  How can I assist?”

 

Shepard sighed softly.  It was a silly thing, really, but for some reason it felt important to her.  “Commander Bailey.  I was told he was in large part responsible for saving the Council before the Reapers arrived on the Citadel.  Do you know what happened to him after?”

 

Dennison’s smile reassured Shepard that the man had at least survived the end of the war.  “He’s been … promoted,” she replied after a moment in what could be described as choked laughter.

 

“Do you know where I might find him?  I’d like to speak with him if possible.”

 

“I’m afraid he’s tied up in meetings today, General,” Dennison replied, her smile fading a bit.  “But I will tell him you were asking after him.  I’m sure he’ll make time for you on your next visit.”

 

Shepard nodded and did not stop the woman and her troops as they walked away this time.  “Well,” she heard Kaidan murmur beside her, “that was interesting.”

 

Shepard chuckled.  “Yes,” she teased back, looping her arm through his, “I noticed you thought so.”  Liara giggled softly beside her as well.  “So then … we have an hour to kill before meeting with Sparatus.  Any thoughts on how to kill the time?”

 

“I have my own appointment to keep,” Liara reminded her, “but I hope to meet back with you at Sparatus’ office afterwards.”

 

Shepard eyed the asari for a moment.  “You’re not going alone, are you?” she asked.  

 

Liara smiled and patted her friend’s arm.  “I’ll be fine, Shepard,” she reassured her.  

 

“Liara -”

 

“I will be fine.”  

 

“I’ll go with you if you like, ma’am,” Steve spoke up.  “I have a few places I need to check out along the way as well.”

 

While Shepard still hesitated, Liara simply smiled and nodded, taking the chance as a way to placate her friend and still get out of the situation without any additional tagalongs.  “That will be fine, lieutenant,” she told Cortez.  “Shall we go then?”

 

Before Shepard could say a word, the two walked off, leaving Garrus, Tali and Kaidan with Shepard.  “That still leaves us with the same question as before,” Kaidan reminded her.  

 

Shepard sighed.  What else was there to do?  “Alright, let’s go check out the Presidium,” she told him, glad to see Tali and Garrus both were nodding in agreement.  

 

“If your leg is up to the extra walking?” Kaidan asked.

 

Shepard glanced at her leg, flexing it lightly.  There was still a bit of an ache there, but nothing that should hinder her.  “I’m good,” she replied.  As they walked through the docking area towards the elevators, she added, “Hmm … if nothing else, maybe we can find someplace on the Presidium to get something to eat?  I’m wanting something … but not sure what.”

 

“Now, Shepard,” Garrus’ voice rang out with just a hint of warning and both he and Shepard began to laugh, recollecting their conversation in the mess just a couple days before.  

 

Kaidan frowned down at her.  “What is that all about?” he asked.

 

Shepard grinned and leaned up to kiss his cheek.  “Nothing,” she assured him.  

 

“Shall I contact the krogan embassy?” Garrus quipped as he and Tali prepared to exit the elevator before them.  

 

Shepard just snorted softly and tightened her arm around her husband’s.  “I’ll explain later,” she promised quietly.

 

They exited the elevator onto the Presidium, Garrus and Tali leading the way and scanning the area for anything (or one) suspicious.  It was both unnerving to have her friends doing this on her behalf and reassuring at the same time, Shepard thought.  After all they’d been through together during the past few years, she knew any of them would give their lives to protect her, just as she had done for them.  But to actually see them doing it … that was a bit unnerving.  Knowing they would do it was one thing.  Knowing they felt they _had_ to do it was another altogether.

 

But the area presented no threats that they could tell and they entered as separate couples, spending a while simply walking around, examining the new storefronts and identifying old vendors who had returned.  At one point, Shepard finally spotted a store selling a variety of food items and managed to secure a small package of sweets that the sales clerk assured her were quite delicious.  

 

“We should probably head to Sparatus’ office now,” Kaidan observed in mild amusement as Shepard tucked away the package after taking a small bite.  

 

“Oh my,” Shepard hummed distractedly, “this is so good!”

 

“Shepard?” Kaidan tried again.  “The Councilor?”

 

Savoring the last bit of the confection, Shepard glanced up at him guiltily.  “Um, right … Councilor.  Lead on!”  

 

~ ~ ~

 

Liara stood a ways back from the rendezvous point, leaning against the wall, arms crossed.  Cortez stood beside her in the shadows.  “You’re certain this contact of yours is safe to meet like this, ma’am?” he asked quietly, pistol in hand and at the ready.  

 

Liara chuckled softly.  “Cortez,” she murmured in reply, “for starters, my source is beyond reproach.  Then add in the fact that this is a liason between us ….”

 

Steve blinked back surprise.  “You … lied?  To Shepard?”

 

Liara glanced over at him, brow arched in question.  “I did no such thing.  All I said is that I had an appointment to keep.”

 

He sighed.  “True enough,” he agreed, albeit reluctantly.  The thought of misleading Shepard had his gut twisting tightly into knots.  

 

“Besides,” Liara continued, “I wanted to do some … checking.  Shepard didn’t need to be here for that.”

 

Another sigh and a soft grunt of agreement with that.  They were standing on the Silversun Strip, or at least what was left … or rebuilt of it, depending on your point of view.  “I’m surprised she didn’t suggest coming down here herself,” he admitted as he surveyed the area.  

 

“I suspect she knows the extent of the damage.  Perhaps she didn’t want to take it any further than a general knowledge of ‘everything was destroyed.’  Hopefully, they’ll soon be rebuilding her block of apartments.”

 

He was about to add his thoughts to that when they both heard soft, cautious footsteps approaching.  Straightening, he nodded at Liara that he would remain in the shadows while she met with her contact.

 

“Dr. T’Soni?”

 

Steve heard Liara gasp softly and felt his hand automatically tighten around the grip of his pistol.  “Steve,” Liara called out quietly, “it’s okay.”  She took a few steps forward then, a smile crossing her features.  “Kahlee?”

 

Kahlee Sanders stepped further into the little bit of light that was available.  Smiling, she replied, “Yes.  Oh, I’m so glad it’s you!  When Admiral Hackett asked me to meet you like this, I had to admit I was a bit nervous.”  She glanced around, eyes falling on the area that had once housed the Tiberius Towers.  “There are a lot of memories here.”

 

Liara smiled in sympathy and greeted the woman with a warm handshake.  “I’m glad you overcame the awkwardness,” she replied.  “And I thank you for it as well.”  Then more seriously, she asked, “How are things back on Earth?”

 

Kahlee sighed.  “It’s hard to judge,” she replied truthfully.  “To be honest, not much came out of the bodies that were examined before Shepard left.  We had a few more after that last attack, but again, not many clues.  However, there are a couple of things we’re pretty certain of now ….”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“General Shepard,” Sparatus greeted her, hands reaching for hers, mandibles flaring in the turian equivalent of a smile, “how good to see you again.”

 

Shepard nodded, her own smile widening.  “Councilor,” she murmured.  “I had feared that you might not have escaped before the Reapers took over the Citadel.  It was only recently I learned that you had managed to escape.”

 

He nodded and guided her and Kaidan into his office towards some chairs.  “Yes.  Commander Bailey was, as you humans say, quite ‘on the ball’ that day.  He has proven to be as exceptional as you in saving our lives.”

 

Shepard shared an amused look with Kaidan as they sat on a sofa together.  “The others are well then?” she asked.

 

Sparatus nodded as he took a seat.  “Yes, they are.  I have been asked to pass along their congratulations on a job well done in regards to ending the war.  By the time we heard what happened, we were well away from the Sol System.”

 

“I understand,” Shepard told him.

 

“I was asked to also convey their assurances that both you and Major Alenko would be retaining your Spectre status, although,” he added, amusement clear in his tone, “I suspect you might be requiring some time off from your duties fairly soon?”

 

Shepard rolled her eyes, but Kaidan chuckled.  “Councilor,” he interrupted, leaning forward but giving Shepard a fond smile as he did so, “I think you and I both know that not much will slow her down.  But for the moment, it is safe to say that any assignments you might have for either of us will be considered joint operations.”

 

Shepard gasped softly.  They hadn’t really had a chance to discuss this much yet in detail, though Shepard had been quite prepared to fight for a chance to stay actively on duty as a Spectre for as long as possible.  But now it sounded almost as if Kaidan was agreeing to that without argument.  

 

Sparatus laughed in return.  “Given the difficulty still in traveling from system to system, in addition to your own personal concerns at the moment, I suspect that the list of assignments at this point will be rather short.”  

 

At this point, Sparatus glanced over towards the doorway where both Tali and Garrus had taken up positions.  “Vakarian, before I forget.  I was asked by Primarch Victus to let you know that both your father and your sister are alive and well and back on Palaven assisting with the reconstruction efforts there.”

 

Shepard caught the look of surprise in her friend’s eyes, noted also the quick look Tali gave him, the small touch of his arm before falling back again.  If Shepard had to guess, she’d say that any concerns that Garrus had held might have been shared with the quarian over these past several months.  “Thank you, sir,” Garrus finally replied.  “And … when you speak with the Primarch, if you would extend my thanks to him as well …?”

 

Sparatus nodded.  “Of course.”  Turning back then to face Shepard and Kaidan, the councilor continued, “Now, I understand you wished to see the Council as a whole, Shepard, and I understand the reasons.  Your Admiral Hackett has briefed us on your situation.”

 

Shepard nodded and sighed.  “I wish I could say it was unexpected,” she told him, “but given all that has happened over the past few years, I think that would be a rather naive reaction.”

 

“Indeed.”  Leaning towards them, Sparatus lowered his voice.  “I don’t have much information that will help I am afraid,” he began, “but I do have a lead you might be able to follow up on.”  He lifted his arm and pressed a few buttons on his omni-tool which resulted with both Kaidan’s and Shepard’s omni-tools lighting up.  “This is the name of someone down in the warehouse district.  He is a contractor working on the reconstruction here on the Citadel.  It was brought to the Council’s attention that he might have some information that would assist you in your investigation into your attackers.”

 

At her look of confusion and surprise, he added, “The human Councilor asked that I pass this along with his greatest wish for your success in tracking down and eliminating this threat to your personal safety.”

 

“Human Councilor?” Kaidan echoed.

 

Shepard blinked.  “I … I was under the impression that humanity had no Councilor at the moment.”  She blushed then as she recalled Admiral Hackett’s plans for her future.  

 

Sparatus chuckled.  “Well, I doubt that he likes the title much,” he agreed, “but humanity’s representative has proven himself quite worthy of the title.  He has also agreed to fill in the position until you are ready to take over the duties.”

 

Shepard’s eyes widened.  He knew.  Which meant, the rest of the Council knew.  Which meant ….  “Wait … _who_ has agreed?” she asked.

 

Before an answer could be given, the sound of the door opening had everyone turning.  Moments later, as Shepard rose in stunned silence to her feet, she felt a grin pull at her lips.  “Bailey?!” she gasped, stepping around the furniture and crossing the room to greet him.

 

“Shepard, I swear this is all your fault!” he groused with his usual bluntness, but tempered with a smile.  When she neared, he reached for her hand, pulling her close into a quick hug.  “Damn,” he murmured near her ear, “you had us all scared there at the end.  Glad to see you back up and at it!”

 

Shepard laughed aloud and hugged him back.  “Okay, I’ll admit this is one position I never thought I’d ever see you in!” she teased, hands gesturing to his more formal dress.  

 

“It’s only temporary, believe me,” he protested.  “Even Admiral Hackett told me not to get used to it.”

 

Shepard snickered softly before regaining some of her composure.  “Bailey … I’m not sure just how soon I’ll -”

 

He reached out and patted her hand.  “Not to worry, Shepard,” he told her.  “The other Councilors and I have come to an agreement regarding my status.  I have a group of capable advisors.  We all are well aware that the position will ultimately be yours once the threat to your security is resolved and,” he gave her swollen belly a pointed look, “certain other issues.”

 

Shepard gave him a warm smile.  “Thank you,” she told him quietly.  

 

“Now then, I assume that Councilor Sparatus gave you the name of the source who hopefully can assist you?”  Shepard nodded.  “Good.  I don’t know how much he’ll be able to help, but it’s something at least.  Hopefully he’ll be worth the aggravation it took to find him in the first place.”  

 

Shepard smirked.   _You can take the man out of the C-Sec office, but you can’t take the investigator out of him_ , she mused.  “Thank you.”

 

Kaidan stepped forward then, shaking Bailey’s hand.  “We should probably get going then,” he told them.  “We’ll need some time to track this person down after getting Shepard back to the ship ….”

 

“The ship?”  Shepard challenged in sudden irritation.  “Do you honestly think I’m going to let you go gallivanting off to talk with -”

 

“He won’t be going alone.”

 

The door had opened so quietly that Shepard had not heard Liara and Cortez return.  Sighing, Shepard crossed her arms and faced her husband and friends.  “If you think -”

 

“I believe,” Sparatus interrupted, “that this is where Councilor Bailey and I excuse ourselves.  “Council meetings and all,” he added before the two men turned and left the office.  That it was his own office he was leaving was not lost on the people remaining.  

 

“Dammit!”

 

“Shepard, you know it isn’t safe,” Kaidan told her quietly.  “Go back to the ship.  Steve and Tali will escort you safely,” the two nodded firmly, “and Liara, Garrus and I will go speak with this contractor.  When we return, we’ll brief you on what information, if any, he has.”  Stepping closer to her, he took her hand in his and squeezed.  “Please,” he added in a voice only she could hear, “I need to know you’re safe.”

 

She did her best not to roll her eyes.  “Kaidan -”

 

“Please?”

 

“Come on, Shepard,” Tali urged as she moved into position on Shepard’s right hand side.  “We should go back and brief Shannon so she’s aware of what’s happening.”

 

“I agree,” Steve added.  

 

Shepard’s eyes narrowed at the increasing feeling of frustration as everyone seemed to be wanting to treat her as if she was made of fine porcelain all of a sudden, afraid that the slightest thing would set her off or give her a bad reaction or …

 

“Fine!” she finally huffed, tossing her hands in the air.  “Fine … we’ll go back to the _Normandy_.”  Turning sharply to face her husband, she added fiercely, “You had _better_ come back without incident or I swear …!”

 

Kaidan chuckled and leaned over to kiss her briefly.  “I’ll be back before you know it,” he promised.  “ _We_ will,” he amended a moment later and saw her frown soften somewhat.  “Go brief Shannon.  Tali’s right - she needs to be kept up to speed on this.  And if there’s still time after that, go see Dr. Michel for that information for your leg cramps, okay?  We don’t need a repeat performance tonight.”

 

Shepard sighed but nodded.  “Okay.”  She stood there and watched him, Liara and Garrus turn to leave.  She was beginning to suspect that situations like this would happen with an increasing frequency, whether she was pregnant or not.  Particularly once she took over as humanity’s representative on the Citadel and he was still serving in the Alliance.  She should probably start getting used to it now, she supposed.  

 

Turning back to Cortez and Tali, she murmured, “Alright then, let’s get back to the ship.   _Idle hands are the devil’s playthings_ , after all, hmm?” she quoted.  She heard Cortez laugh, thought she heard Tali offer a confused grunt, but in the end, Shepard didn’t bother to explain.  She just needed to get back to something distracting so she wouldn’t worry about Kaidan.  If briefing Shannon was the way to do it, so be it.

  



	24. A Rose Is A Rose (What's In A Name?)

Upon their return to the Normandy, Cortez excused himself claiming his duties as procurement officer required his attendance in the shuttle bay to coordinate deliveries.  Shepard and Tali then went in search of Shannon, intending to bring her up to speed on the latest from their time ashore.  They found her and Traynor in the mess relaxing with a cup of coffee and, without much fuss, Shepard agreed to sit with them.  Traynor was sharp as a tack, as the saying went, and Shepard valued her for her dedication and loyalty as well.  Perhaps the comm specialist could offer some insights that the others couldn’t.  It was worth a try, and God knew Traynor had done so in the past.

The discussion, however, brought no new insights this time.  Realistically, it had probably been too much to expect given the little information they had to go on, but Shepard was not one to waste opportunities that crossed her path.  And besides, it felt good to have Traynor in on things again.  So as their chat eventually digressed into recountings of old stories, many of which were brought up by Tali and Traynor specifically to give Shepard a difficult time, Shepard managed to counterattack by sneaking in a few of her own for Shannon’s benefit regarding the comm specialist … including the one about the judicious use of a toothbrush to gain entrance into the Normandy.  Shannon’s wary reaction to this particular tale eventually had them all laughing and it was only when Traynor finally admitted the truth of the matter that the lieutenant realized it was indeed a true story.

Hours passed and they were still in the mess chatting away when the others returned to the ship.  Liara found them first while on her way back to her quarters, but the moment Shepard caught her friend’s glance, she could see that something was not quite right.  With a small tilt of her head to Shannon and Tali, the three excused themselves from Traynor and approached the asari before she reached her cabin.  “Liara,” Shepard greeted her.  “What’s up?”

Liara’s sigh was a heavy one and the look she gave Shepard suggested the news she had was even weightier.  “Let’s meet up in the conference room,” she suggested.  “Kaidan and Garrus will meet us there.”  When Shepard’s eyes narrowed just a bit, Liara added, “Things did not go quite … as expected.”

Shepard sighed.  This did not bode well.  “When have they ever, right?”

“Exactly.  You three go on ahead.  I’ll meet you up there in a moment.”

The three women agreed, departing the crew deck for the CIC.  Meeting Kaidan as they were exiting the elevator, Shepard found reinforcement for her belief that something had gone wrong in the dark look lingering in his eyes.  Together, they passed through the security checkpoint on the way to the conference room.  “Everything okay?” Shepard asked quietly as Shannon and Tali went before them.

She looked over in time to see him shake his head once, his lips pursing together, but otherwise he remained silent.  Lovely, she thought.  Not that she hadn’t believed Liara, of course, but if Kaidan was having a reaction like this and refusing to talk about it (which, she knew, could have as much to do with the fact that they had several marines standing nearby too), her earlier sense of foreboding returned with fervor.

They found Garrus already in the conference room when they arrived.  With all of them present then save Liara, Kaidan closed the door and started filling in the details.  “That contact we were given?”  Shepard met his look and nodded.  “We arrived to find him dead.”

Shepard sighed.  She heard Tali mutter in frustration nearby as well.  Shannon said nothing.  “Damn.  Any clue as to why?  Who might be behind it?”  She glanced over at Garrus.  As former C-Sec, he was used to looking for more subtle clues that the others could have missed.  “Anything at all?”

The turian shook his head.  “Sorry, Shepard.  There was nothing.  Could be because they were that careful, or could be because we arrived too late.  I think it’s probably pretty safe to assume that our new friends are behind it, though.”

Shepard nodded again.  “Too much of a coincidence for it not to be related,” she agreed with a grimace.  “But ... damn!  Can their influence already extend to the Citadel?”  

“If we are talking about remnants of Cerberus,” Liara interrupted as she strode into the room, “then we cannot overlook the fact that they could and probably would have the leftover pieces of an infrastructure already in place.  As I recall, EDI informed us of how they operated in cells, did she not?”

Shepard bit her lip but nodded one last time.  And really, they couldn’t afford to underestimate their opponent either.  Glancing over at Kaidan, she asked, “When do we leave?”

He shrugged.  “I had planned this evening, but I received a message from the Council while we were there.  They want to see me tomorrow.”  

Shepard’s eyes widened a bit.  “But not ... me?”  She couldn’t keep her voice from hitching a little at the thought that the Council might be going over her head and cutting her out of assignments already.

“The message came from Sparatus,” he assured her quickly.  “I think it’s safe to assume he’s mentioned to the others that we’ll be working as a team for the next little while.”  He reached out and squeezed her hand.  “I won’t let them exclude you,” he promised.  She returned the touch absently, though she appreciated his words.  Already she was wondering if the Council was going to treat her as they had always done - with barely a second thought to her ideas and concerns.  The last time they had done so it had resulted in a poor defense against the Reapers when they arrived.

“That’s good though,” Liara broke in, her eyes catching Shepard’s.  “That will give us some time to finish stocking up on ... necessities.”

The phrasing of that last was not lost on Shepard.  It had been the same when Liara had suggested that Shepard visit with the volus, Barla Von, regarding troops willing to coordinate with the war effort during the Reaper War.  Did Liara have something similar in the works now?  Straightening, curiosity piqued, Shepard asked, “And this is something you’ll be needing my assistance with?”

Liara chuckled.  “Absolutely.”

Shepard sighed softly before offering a smile.  Leave it to Liara to find a way ....  “Alright.  I guess I’ll be helping you then.”

“Wait a minute,” Kaidan protested, arms folding across his chest.  “We’ve got a contact who’s clearly been murdered for reasons we can only speculate on,” he exchanged a look with Garrus who nodded his agreement with the assessment, “but likely seems tied to the group of terrorists wanting to get their hands on you, and yet you’re planning to go wandering around the Citadel in plain sight?”  

Shepard gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.  “I will be fine,” she told him.  “I’ll be with Liara.  If things get really tense, she’ll just ... flay them with her mind or something.”  It took all of her focus to say that with a straight face, though she did hear a sort of strangled laugh escape Liara, but Kaidan did not seem to be either amused or reassured by this.  “We’ll be fine,” she told him.  “Look, if you want, we’ll take Tali with us, too.”

“Better yet, why don’t Garrus and Tali shadow you both,” Kaidan countered.  “The more the merrier, right?”

Shepard’s brow arched in a mixture of amazement and incredulity.  “Seriously?  That’s your argument?  Because remember, I do still know how to defend myself at the very least.”

“When you are armed,” Shannon added from across the room.

Shepard frowned.  Glancing over her shoulder, she warned softly, “Lieutenant -”

But Kaidan cut her off.  “No.  I’m not taking a chance, Shepard.  Not now,” he replied, his voice dropping with the intensity behind the words.  She turned to face him again.  “I can’t.”

Liara stepped closer to Kaidan then, eyes meeting his and conveying her reassurances.  “We won’t be going far, Major.  I can assure you of that.  And the parties involved ... well, I have been led to believe they have vital information.”

Shepard kept her eyes on her husband for a long moment.  She could tell this wasn’t easy for him and she certainly understood the reasons behind that.  It wasn’t that she necessarily wanted to go out and become a target, but from Liara’s reaction just moments before, Shepard was sensing that her presence would be needed.  Finally, and though he seemed reluctant, Kaidan did nod once and backed off his stance.  “Fine.  Do it.  Just ....”  

He glanced over at Shepard and she saw it all in his eyes.  “I’ll be careful,” she promised.  “Nothing will happen.”

~ ~ ~

“Are you ready, Shepard?”

Shepard glanced out of the door to the bathroom where she was pulling her hair back into a long braid.  It was a look she’d mastered as a teen to keep it out of her face while completing chores or participating in sporting events at school, but it had been years since she’d worn her hair that way on a regular basis.  Between military requirements and the fact that it was just easier to twist it all up on top of her head, plus it would have been a constant reminder of her childhood, it had been quite a while since she’d last worn it this way.  There was also the added benefit that almost no one knew what she looked like with her hair down, so the added camouflage was a bonus.  “Just a moment longer,” she called out to Liara, a hair tie caught between her lips and teeth as her hands finished weaving the plait.  She was rapidly tying off the end when Liara came into view.  “There, now I’m good.  Shall we?”

Liara smiled.  “Of course.”  

The two exited the cabin, door whooshing closed just after Shepard grabbed a sweater and started pulling it on.  “So,” she asked as they stepped onto the elevator, “where’re we headed?”

Liara chuckled.  “It’s a surprise,” she teased lightly.  

Shepard snorted softly.  “Why should I allow you to do that when I don’t get surprise you at all?” she countered recalling the incident when she’d attempted to catch Liara off guard by identifying who her father was.  Liara, of course, had known all along.  

“That’s more a question of skill and ability, wouldn’t you say?”

Shepard gave the asari a flat stare at the subtle, yet teasing, insult.  “Watch it, T’Soni,” she warned in a mock threat.  “I know how to kill Reapers up close and personal like!”

Managing to keep a straight face (though Shepard was unsure how she managed it) Liara returned, “It will take more than that to be successful against the Shadow Broker.”  Their delighted giggling had more than one pair of eyes following their passage through the CIC a few moments later as they made their way to the main hatch.

Their journey lasted only about fifteen minutes, and though the path they took was on the convoluted side of things, mostly due to the current state of reconstruction aboard the Citadel, Shepard soon realized that the distance traveled was not all that far just as Liara had reassured Kaidan.  As for personal security, both women had armed themselves with heavy pistols in addition to Liara’s biotics.  Really, it was as safe as they could be given the circumstances.

They were arriving at a different docking bay, Shepard noticed.  Still the same ward as the Normandy, but a number of bays away.  “Liara,” she murmured, “how much further?”

“Not too far,” Liara replied.  The area they had entered was much more crowded with construction and workers than the Normandy’s berth.  “Should be just around the next corner.”

Shepard nodded.  That was a good thing, actually.  She’d had the nagging feeling for most of their journey that they were being followed, though the few times she had managed to glance around them, she’d not seen any evidence of it.  Then again, with the chaos of most of the Citadel under reconstruction, it would be much easier for someone to follow and remain out of sight.  That thought suddenly had her memories returning to Kaidan’s concerns from the previous day.

They turned the corner a few moments later, and Shepard casually glanced back one last time.  Still, she could see nothing out of the ordinary and no one who appeared as if they didn’t belong, though that didn’t do much to calm her concerns of the moment.  In all the confusion, it would be all too easy for someone to remain hidden from sight ... or to blend in.

“Here we are,” Liara announced, opening a door to what looked to be a C-Sec office.  

Shepard turned her attention towards her friend ... and the nearly empty room beyond.  But who she saw inside had her smiling widely and forgetting her current concerns.  Moving into the office quickly, Shepard stepped over to hug the woman standing there.  “Miranda!”

“Shepard,” she returned with a smile.  

When Miranda stepped back, she glanced down at Shepard’s now obvious bump and grinned.  Shepard frowned back at her as her friend opened her mouth to speak.  “Don’t start,” Shepard warned.

Miranda simply gave her a, Who, me? sort of look before gesturing off to her left.  Shepard’s gaze followed ... and softened when she spotted who was there.  “Oriana!”  Shepard gave the younger woman a quick hug too.  

The younger woman smiled back.  “Hello, Shepard,” she greeted her.  

Shepard glanced over at Liara then.  “This was your surprise?”

Liara nodded.  “In a manner of speaking,” she clarified.  “Miranda did contact me indicating she had some information of importance to pass along.  I just figured that you wouldn’t mind accompanying me to obtain it.”

Miranda chuckled.  “And with your abrupt departure from Earth, Ori was left feeling a bit put out by -”

“Randa!”

Shepard laughed.  “Nice try, Miri,” she returned, “but I’m a little more clever than that.”

Miranda grinned.  “Indeed you are, Shepard.”  There was a bit of hesitation then and Shepard could sense something was troubling her friend.  Liara seemed to catch on too and indicated a side room that was empty.  Removing themselves there, Miranda began speaking once the door was shut.  “As I’m sure you’ve guessed,” she said quietly, “a reunion was not the main reason I contacted Dr. T’Soni.”

Shepard nodded.  “I seem to recall you agreeing to look into a ... few things for me the last time we met,” she countered.  Miranda nodded.  “You’ve found something then?”

Miranda snorted softly, her eyes filled with a cynicism that Shepard knew was always there, but had not seen for a long while now.  “That’s a bit of an understatement,” she replied.  Glancing over at Liara, she added, “Your Shadow Broker is not the only one who has connections these days.”  Liara nodded, but said nothing.  Turning back to Shepard, Miranda continued, “I’ve found out a few things.  Nothing concrete, unfortunately, but it might give you something to work from.”

Oriana stepped forward then and handed a data drive to Liara.  “This has all the information I was able to find,” Miranda explained.  “Basically what it boils down to is this:  The group that is after you is former Cerberus.  Like I mentioned to you before, Shepard, there is a power vacuum, an internal struggle going on.  However, one person is coming out on top it seems.”

Shepard sighed.  “Damn, that was fast.  Do you know who it is?”

Miranda shook her head.  “I don’t even have a name for the new organization for you yet, let alone it’s leader,” she clarified.  “However, I can tell you this.  The majority of information I found indicates they are after someone or something they keep referencing as ‘Messiah.’”

Shepard blinked and glanced over at Liara.  “Messiah?”

The asari’s eyes narrowed a bit.  “Hmm.  I’ve seen that name in some of my feeds,” she admitted, “but I did not associate them with anything connected to Cerberus or to you, Shepard.  I’ll backtrack once we’re on board again, see if I can’t make any firmer connections.”

Shepard nodded.  “Alright.  But I’m more curious as to why ‘Messiah.’”  Turning back towards Miranda, she asked, “And you’re certain this is connected to me?”

Miranda nodded.  “I am.”  She gestured towards Liara.  “The specifics are on that data drive,” she explained, “but I think you’ll agree it’s aimed at you.”

“You did save the galaxy from the Reapers, Shepard,” Oriana pointed out.  “Could it not just be a reference to that?”

Liara nodded.  “It could be that simple, yes,” she agreed.  

Shepard sighed, rubbing at her temple where the first twinges of a headache were forming.  “We can’t underestimate them,” she insisted.  “If there’s one thing I took away from my experiences with them -”

“Shepard, stop,” Miranda insisted, hand rising to rest on Shepard’s shoulder.  “We aren’t underestimating them.  We’re just taking it all under consideration.  Remember, with someone new leading them, they will have a different way of looking at things, different philosophical outlook, if you will.”

“True enough ....”  Shepard allowed her voice to trail off as she caught the sound of the door opening in the outer room.  Raising her hand for the others to remain silent, she moved over beside the open door to this room, flattening herself against the wall.  Reaching for her pistol, she pulled it out.  A hand at her shoulder had Shepard glancing back at Liara who was giving her a rather intense look just then.  Shepard didn’t have to work at it to realize that the asari was probably wanting to exchange positions with her, particularly after the promises she had given Kaidan the day before.  But to be truthful, Shepard was of no mind to switch.  She knew how to protect herself, armed or not.  Shaking her head, she turned to glance around the corner of the doorway.  She felt a slight tingling sensation as Liara’s hand tightened around her shoulder and a minor blurring of her vision as her friend extended her barrier field to include her in it.  Despite the seriousness of the situation, Shepard tossed her friend a smile of thanks.

The sound of someone moving around out in the outer office became more distinct.  Shepard focused on the sound, trying to identify the location of the source, but she wasn’t having much luck.  A glance at Miranda across the way, Oriana tucked safely behind her, didn’t add anything either.  Miranda’s eyes were scanning the area furtively as well.  

“General Shepard?” a somewhat familiar voice called out.

Surprise caught Shepard off guard and it took her a moment before she could respond in any other way.  Liara reacted first, her hand lowering, the barrier field surrounding Shepard diminishing.  As for Shepard, she finally lowered her pistol and moved out so that she could be seen clearly.  “Kolyat?” she called back.

And suddenly, with the phasing shimmer that indicated he had been cloaked, the drell came into focus.  Shepard sighed in relief.  “What are you doing here?” she asked, reaching out a hand to force Miranda’s gun down.  “He’s with us,” she murmured.  When Miranda caught her eye, she added, “Thane’s son.”  Thankfully, that was enough, and Miranda obediently lowered her weapon.  Though Miranda had not been on that particular mission, Shepard had told her about it afterwards.

“My apologies for frightening you,” the drell explained as he stepped closer.  “The Major was insistent that I watched out for your safety.”

Shepard managed a slightly shaky laugh as she moved closer towards him.  “Kaidan put you up to this?” she asked.  Figures.  Well, that isn’t Kolyat’s fault, now is it?  “Thank you, Kolyat.  I will make certain to have a word with my husband about his overprotective nature later, but I appreciate your discretion and your willingness to do this.”

Kolyat nodded.  “As the Major reminded me,” he said quietly, “my father would have approved of this.”

**S** hepard gave him a warm smile as she felt a small tug at her heartstrings, all thoughts of future arguments with Kaidan over this incident leaving.  Leave it to him to find the one argument she could not counter.  “Indeed,” she agreed.  Turning back to the others then, she waved them out.  “We should probably be heading back soon,” Shepard observed a moment later as she glanced over at Liara.

The asari nodded.  “I agree.”  Turning towards Miranda, she added, “Would you be willing to stay in touch with me?  Through your previous channels is fine.”

Miranda nodded.  “I can do that,” she replied.  “If I hear anything more specific I will let you know.”  She waved Oriana up beside her then and the younger woman handed over a small device.  Turning back to face Shepard, she handed the thing to her.  “This should hook into your personal terminal, Shepard.  It connects to only one other device - one similar to this that is located on our terminal.  It is highly encrypted, undetectable and in all other ways untraceable.  Ori created it so that we would have a way to contact one another in assured privacy when necessary.”

Shepard took the device and gave it a quick look over.  “Thanks.  I’d like to think it won’t be necessary, but ....”

Miranda nodded.  “Right.  ‘But.’  At any rate, better safe than sorry.”  Miranda paused for a moment, her hand rising to rub along her jaw in a move that Shepard recognized.  She waited patiently for her friend to continue.  “Stay safe, Shepard,” Miranda murmured, taking a step closer and briefly settling her hand over Shepard’s belly.  “Both of you.”

Shepard met Miranda’s gaze and held it for a long moment.  She covered her hand briefly, patting it gently.  “We will, Miri,” she promised.  To Oriana, she added, “Take care of your sister, Ori.  Okay?”

Oriana chuckled.  “When she let’s me, Shepard.  When she let’s me.”

“Right then,” Miranda broke in with a brisk nod.  “We’ll be off.”

Shepard turned away from them as the two exited the room, door whooshing shut behind them.  Sighing, she shook her head sadly while pocketing the device.  Liara noticed as well.  “What’s wrong, Shepard?”

“Oh, just thinking,” she murmured.  

“About?”  Liara nodded to the door and they began to exit, this time with Kolyat uncloaked and right beside them.

“About the unfairness of life,” Shepard explained.  Then she shook her head, the mild melancholy that had settled over her for the moment dispersing with the movement.  With a small laugh, she added, “Don’t mind me.  Let’s get back to the Normandy.  We’ve got a lot to do.”

****  
  
  



	25. Omega

The information provided by Miranda proved to be quite valuable in the end.  Despite not being able to identify the name of the left-over Cerberus group or its current leader, there were pieces of information here and there that Liara was able to match up with some of her sources.  Information and connections that might have otherwise gone unnoticed.  Granted, no major breakthroughs were uncovered, but every little bit was a help in completing the much larger puzzle.  It was a chilling thought that information like this might have been overlooked without Miranda’s input, but Shepard trusted her friends and her crew and she knew that if there were any connections to be made, they would be.  And if it wasn’t necessarily ‘in time,’ then she also knew they were more than capable of finding their way out of any given situation.  

In the end, though, Miranda’s information also provided them with a new destination.  The only question was, with the state of the mass relays, could they actually get there?

Upon Kaidan’s return to the ship, Shepard sought him out to discuss their next move.  But there was an edginess in his body language as she approached him, a wariness as if he expected her greeting to be anything but pleasant, so she elected to refrain from commenting on his recruitment of Kolyat for the time being.  He had been right, after all, in that the call he’d made would have been something of which Thane would have approved.  She couldn’t fault him for that.  Plus, they had other, more important things to discuss first.  

“So,” Shepard commented as they rode the elevator up to their cabin, “what did the Council want?”

Kaidan chuckled.  “I told you I wouldn’t keep you out of the loop,” he teased.  “You have absolutely no patience, do you?”

Shepard smirked and leaned up to kiss his cheek.  “I waited for you, didn’t I?”  The elevator door opened then and she scurried out before he could try any form of retaliation.

Laughing, Kaidan followed her into their room, descending the stairs to take a seat on the bed, back up against the headboard, pulling her down to sit beside him.  She moved willingly enough, snuggling up against his side, head resting on his shoulder.  “Actually,” he told her, “they just wanted to talk to me about our journey to Eden Prime.  At this point, with so many of the relays still being worked on, I think they just wanted an update on how things were going in that respect.”

Shepard nodded.  It made sense.  With  most of the relays down, it was difficult to stay connected to the Council worlds and colonies and keep apprised of the situations out in the rest of the galaxy.  “So ... no mission request then?”

He shrugged.  “Oh, nothing too specific.  Just a ‘see where you can get to’ sort of instruction, ‘keep us informed,’ that sort of thing,” he explained.  His hand lifted to play with the tail of her braid in a semi-absent manner as he spoke.  “Councilor Tevos pulled me aside afterwards,” he added with a smile.  

Shepard glanced up at him, curiosity getting the better of her.  “Oh?”

“Mmhmm.  Said she’s looking forward to the day you both can work together on the Council.”  His smile widened.  “I think she’s finally taken to heart that you are someone whose thoughts and opinions are quite ... astute?”

Shepard laughed.  “That or a certain Shadow Broker has convinced her, maybe,” she teased.  She sighed after a moment.  “It would be nice to think that they might actually start paying attention to me upon occasion instead of dismissing my ideas when they don’t want to believe them.”  Shepard found herself a bit surprised that there was still some bitterness there after all this time.  

“It will be a whole different sort of battlefield for you,” he observed.  “Think you’ll be up to the challenge?”

Her eyes met his.  That was a question she had been asking herself on a daily basis since Hackett had informed her of the ‘plans’ in store for her.  Ultimately, she knew it would come down to her own decision.  But Hackett knew her well enough to realize that her dedication to duty would most likely have her following his guidance.  “Good question,” was the best she could respond with just now.

Their conversation continued and she brought him up to date regarding the meeting she and Liara had with Miranda ... and of Kolyat’s appearance.  Kaidan sighed.  Though she didn’t make any accusations, he was prepared for her irritation and ire ... and mildly surprised when it wasn’t forthcoming.  “Did Miranda identify her sources?” he asked after a moment.

Shepard shook her head.  “Not that I know of, no.  Liara has the information.  She’s going through it now, cross checking it with what she has found out through her own sources.”  She sat upright then, hmming softly as a memory returned.  Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the device Oriana had given her.  She gave him a run down on it before asking, “Would you install this please?”

He eyed the device in his hand then his wife carefully for a moment.  “Shepard ... I know you trust her, but ....”

Shepard steadily held his gaze.  “I do, Kaidan.  With my life.”  Reaching out, she squeezed his free hand.  “And our child’s.  Look, I know you have concerns, not the least of which revolves around her past connection to Cerberus, but ... well, you were there with me at Horizon when we found her and Oriana at Sanctuary.  You _saw_ what she did there.  She’s not working for them.  Hasn’t since the Collector base.”

He was quiet for a moment, a moment in which she tilted her head to catch his gaze.  “Hey, I thought you weren’t going to doubt me any more,” she murmured.  There was no accusation, no confrontation involved, just concern.

Sighing, he nodded.  “It isn’t you I doubt,” he replied.  He knew Miranda well enough, he supposed, from her visits during the Reaper War.  But that had been then, and this was just ....  There was so much more at stake now.  And, as Shepard was wont to point out on occasion, he _could_ be stubborn, especially when it came to those he loved most.

Shepard move back to his side, leaning over to hug him tightly.  “Give her a chance, Kaidan,” she urged quietly.  “And I can promise you, she would do nothing to risk me or the baby.  Especially, the baby.”  

Reluctantly, Kaidan nodded, hoping he wouldn’t come to regret his decision later.  “Alright.  I’ll install this later, after dinner.”  He glanced over at the clock.  “Speaking of which ....”

As if on cue, Shepard’s stomach rumbled its own alarm of sorts.  Laughing, she rose from the bed and waited for him to join her.  “You know,” she teased lightly as they exited the cabin together, “these days, my appetite almost rivals yours.”

Kaidan chuckled.  As they boarded the elevator, he reached over and lightly rubbed the palm of his hand over the swell of their child.  “Well you _are_ eating for ....”  His voice trailed off as his eyes widened, darting up to meet her amused look.  “Wow!  She’s ... getting stronger!”  

Shepard chuckled.  “That’s one way to put it,” she teased back, her hand coming to rest beside his.  Lightly prodding, she managed to get the baby to move again.  The way his hand twitched, she knew he had almost yanked it back in astonishment.  Fully laughing now, she patted the back of his hand before straightening.  “Come on,” she told him as the doors opened to let them exit onto the crew deck, “let’s get something to eat.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

She was a workaholic, she knew it.  She’d accepted that fact many years before, possibly as far back as when her mother had given her her first history book.  But with so much out there to do, to learn, to see ... how could she be any other way?  It was part of why she had been so socially awkward upon meeting Shepard, she supposed.  There were times that, if she thought back on those first visits, after her rescue from Therum, she found herself blushing at the recollection of just _how_ awkward she’d been.  Only four years had passed, just a drop in the bucket as far as she was concerned, a blink of an eye even, but she had changed so much since then.  

Except when it came to work.  She might once have been an archeologist, but life as the Shadow Broker though outwardly different still had quite a lot of similarities.  Including the ability to keep her interest so focused that she often forgot things like ....

“Dr. T’Soni.”

Liara sighed and sat back from her desk.  “Yes, Glyph?”

“You asked that I remind you of the dinner hour.  As of this notice, I have reminded you five times already this evening.”

Liara bit back a laugh.   _Nope.  No differences at all_ , she mused silently as she rose to her feet.  “Thank you, Glyph,” she told him as she reached for a datapad and headed out of her room and into the mess hall.  

Though the dinner hour was late and the majority of crew members had come and gone, Liara was thankful to see both Kaidan and Shepard still seated at the table.  Of course, she knew that Shepard had taken to remaining in the area longer of a mealtime, not so much out of necessity as many might think given her increased appetite, but as a way to stay in touch with her crew.  Whether it was for five minutes or an hour, Shepard was making the effort to be there for them.  Not that she hadn’t always been.  Liara suspected that some of what was driving her friend these days was the lack of ... well, duties to perform.  With the captaincy of the ship belonging to Kaidan now and her current physical condition keeping her from most ‘missions,’ Liara had the sneaking suspicion that Shepard was, to put it quite bluntly, bored.

Grabbing a tray and serving herself, Liara soon made her way over to the table to sit with her friends, a group that now included Garrus and Shannon as well as both doctors and engineer Adams.  Taking her seat, she set her datapad aside and began eating as the others carried on with their discussion.  Listening closely as she ate, Liara was able to deduce that the conversation was revolving around Shepard’s current activity levels.  A quick glance at her friend had the asari almost choking on her food, the exasperated look in Shepard’s eyes an obvious tell to her opinion on the matter.  “Doctor,” she was saying, addressing her comments to Dr. Michel, “I would hardly call my level of activity as ‘overdoing’ anything when I am doing absolutely nothing at all.”

As the discussion continued, Liara cast a side glance towards Kaidan who, she found, appeared to be focused quite intently upon the doctor’s words.  When Dr. Chakwas appeared to be backing up Dr. Michel’s concerns, Liara frowned.  This was unusual, from what she’d observed to this point.  Unless, of course, Shepard really was not taking things easy enough ...?  She darted a quick glance over at first Shannon and then Garrus who either didn’t seem to understand the significance of the conversation or were hiding it well.  

“Look,” Shepard cut in, eyes settling upon everyone around her individually before she ended up facing both doctors and continuing, “I understand your concerns, and I do appreciate them.  However, the fact remains that I am not under any undue levels of stress at this time for the simple fact that there is nothing for me to be doing that stresses me out.”  She sighed and flopped back against her seat.  “Except for conversations such as this.”

Liara was thankful she’d yet to reach for her glass at this last muttered comment, knowing full well she would have choked on a mixture of laughter and water.  

“There were reasons your work levels were restricted back in Vancouver, General,” Dr. Michel reminded her.  “Being back on the _Normandy_ may put you in a position to be more active, but that does not mean -”

Shepard’s eyes narrowed then and Liara darted another glance over at Kaidan.  Their eyes met briefly and he nodded.  He, too, had recognized the warning signs.  Moving a hand to settle over one of Shepard’s upon the table, he interjected, “Doctor, we will see that she relaxes as much as possible.  But I think it safe to say that, Shepard knows full well what her limits are.”

Liara nodded.  “And I believe,” she added, speaking up for the first time during the conversation, “that I can speak on behalf of the rest of the crew when I say that we will ensure to the best of our ability that she will take it as easy as possible.”  Garrus and Shannon both nodded quickly, though Liara knew full well that it was a pointless reassurance because Shepard, being Shepard, would do as she damned well thought was best.  And in the end, she was usually right.

The table cleared out somewhat after that discussion came to an end, leaving only Garrus, Liara, Kaidan and Shepard.  It was when Garrus asked their next destination that Liara turned her full attention to her friends.  “Now that, I might have some direction on,” she told them as she gave Kaidan a pointed look.  His eyebrow lifted in a familiar questioning move.  Smiling gently, she glanced over at Shepard.  “I have been led to believe that we might find some answers on Omega.”

Garrus stiffened just noticeably beside her, and Liara reached out to lightly touch his hand.  Shepard’s eyes, she noted, widened.  Kaidan’s too.  He’d been around, after all, when Shepard had gone off to help Aria retake the asteroid from Cerberus the previous year.  Shepard pushed her food tray aside and leaned in towards Liara then.  “Aria?”  

Liara nodded.  “Or, maybe not Aria specifically, but I was given information that some of the solution may be there.”

“Shit,” Kaidan muttered, “can we even get there?  I mean, we know a few of the relays are fixed well enough, but all of them between here and there?”

Garrus nodded.  “Good question,” he agreed.  

“You’re certain about this?”  

Liara glanced over at Kaidan after he asked.  “Would I bring it to your attention if I wasn’t?” she challenged.  

He sighed.  “Sorry.”  She was correct on that count, of course.  Rising to his feet, he leaned over and kissed his wife’s cheek.  “Alright then.  I’m heading up to talk with Joker about this and start plotting our journey out on the galaxy map.”  After another moment’s hesitation, he looked back at Liara and asked, “I don’t suppose you have any information on the relays?  Anything further out, I mean?  It would be nice to not feel like we’re going into this blindfolded.”

Liara nodded her agreement.  “I will do some checking for you as soon as I’m finished here.”

“Thanks.”  

Garrus sat back as Kaidan left and murmured, “So, T’Soni, what is so interesting about Omega that has you dragging us there?”

Liara gave him a sly smile.  “And here I was just figuring you might want to relive your days as Archangel,” she teased.  

Garrus rose, murmuring, “Huh.  Guess that means I’d better make sure the old gal is in good working order.”

Liara glanced over at Shepard then, chuckling softly as she saw her friend roll her eyes.  “Still?” she queried.

Shepard nodded.  “I think he’ll have to be buried with that Mantis, I swear,” she replied.  “So then ... going to clue me in?”  Liara gave the woman a pointed look, noting as she did that Shepard’s eyes widened.  “Miranda’s sources?”

Liara nodded.  “I’m not quite sure who or what it is we are after,” she replied, “but it is on Omega.”  Leaning in towards her, she murmured, “Why don’t we take this discussion where it can’t be overheard, hmm?”

Moments later, the two entered Liara’s quarters and Glyph’s greeting echoed throughout the mess hall behind them just before the doors closed, ensuring the privacy they required.

 

~ ~ ~

 

The relays were found to be in surprisingly good repair as they traveled further away from Sol, and the trip from the Citadel to Omega took them just under two weeks to complete.  Shortly after Liara’s assurances that the relays were well under reconstruction and from what she could tell, most were in some sort of working order, Kaidan conferenced with Joker as to the best route to take.  Once set into the galaxy map, it was just a matter of time until their arrival.  However, that did not mean that there was nothing to do during the rest of the trip.  It was during this time that Liara gathered as much intel as she could to prepare them for what was ahead.

“The information I was given leads me to believe that we will have two destinations,” the asari explained to the group the day before their expected arrival.  

“Two teams then,” Tali observed.  

Liara nodded.  They were in the War Room this time, the 3D holographic display giving them a detailed look at Omega much in the same way that Aria’s bunker had done during their retaking of the asteroid.  Shepard found herself staring at the display, eyes caught on one particular location as she tapped her lips with her index finger.  She knew that area all too well, and Liara had briefed her ahead of time.  This plan had, after all, been of her making.  “Liara and I will head to _Afterlife_ , while Kaidan, Garrus and Tali head here,” she finally announced, eyes still focused on the display, hand moving to point out the general location.

“Seriously?”

Shepard sighed, eyes closing for a moment.  She had known this moment would come, known that he would adamantly protest against her leaving the ship, but only she could do what needed to be done in this situation.  “Seriously,” she replied quietly.

“Shepard -”

She turned to face Kaidan, eyes narrowed slightly, darkened with purpose.  “Kaidan, if we’re going to get you, Garrus and Tali access here, it _has_ to be me,” she insisted.  “Aria’s made it clear in the past - she has issues with members of my team.  Why do you think she only took me with her when it was time to go up against Cerberus and retake Omega?”

“Kaidan,” Liara pointed out, “of all the places on Omega, _Afterlife_ is perhaps the safest place for Shepard to be.  Despite what we all know goes on there, the people do recognize that it was Aria who gave it back to them, and that Shepard assisted with that.  We’ll be alright.”

There were several minutes of silence in which Shepard and Kaidan stood simply staring at the other, communicating silently.  Finally, Shepard reminded him quietly, “It _has_ to be me.”  

“You aren’t Mordin, you know.”

Garrus’ quiet rumble in response to her words caught Shepard’s attention and she turned to face him.  So.  He was going to side with Kaidan then.  “Garrus ….”

“No, Shepard,” Tali interrupted, “he’s right.  Kaidan’s right.  With you leaving the ship, it puts you in unnecessary danger.”

Shepard sighed heavily.  Moving around the holographic display, she reached the area highlighted that would be the target for Kaidan, Tali and Garrus.  Pointing at it again, she challenged, “How the hell do you think you will be able to get in here, hmm?” she demanded, frustration and a bit of irritation more noticeable now in her tone.  “Into the ‘belly of the beast, so to speak?  Do you think the Talons are going to just let you waltz into their territory, no questions asked?”

“Talons?”

Shepard turned to face Shannon.  “Mercenary group.  They took over control of much of Omega from the Blood Pack, Blue Suns and Eclipse after the plague ran through in 2185,” she explained.  “They were an ally during the retaking of Omega last year and now, more or less, run the place.  And,” she added, turning back to face the other three who were now moving in closer to eye the display, “seeing as I’m the one who brokered the alliance between them and Aria at that time, they will most likely listen to my request without outwardly refusing it.  Me.  No one else.”  Her eyes met Kaidan’s again.  “They _owe_ me, and I intend to collect.  I have to do this if we’re going to get you in and out of there.”

The silence that followed was rather tense until Shannon spoke up.  “Sir?  I can go with them if you like.”

“No.”  Shepard’s voice was strong, solid, insistent this time.  Her eyes were locked on Kaidan’s and she saw the moment he was about to protest, watched as he swallowed tightly, as if about to open his mouth to do so … but the words never came.  “You know this is the only way,” she told him a bit more softly then.  “If anyone other than Liara and I go, it will come across as an overly aggressive move.  Hell, it could provoke the type of reaction we’re specifically trying to avoid.  We need them to agree to our request.”

It was another long moment before he responded, and Shepard watched as he shifted his gaze from her to the map.  She recognized that furrow of his brows, the narrowing of his gaze.  He was considering all the options before he spoke this time.  “So, you and Liara go to _Afterlife_ , and Garrus, Tali and I head here,” he pointed towards the display, “for … what?”

Liara pulled up a close up of the Talons territory, a single building highlighted and flashing.  “Your contact lives here,” she explained.  “Goes by the name ‘Goliath.’”  There were a few chuckles at that and more than one pair of questioning eyes turning in her direction.  “Hey,” she countered, “blame Miranda, not me.  At any rate, Goliath apparently owed Miranda a favor, and the information provided suggests that it’s good.”

“What information is that?” Garrus asked.

Liara shrugged.  “Details weren’t provided in the data I was given.  However, Miranda assured me it’s well worth it.  This particular contact … well, I’ve been led to believe that Goliath owed Miranda a life debt.  The fact that you’re being sent in to retrieve the information would suggest that it’s very sensitive information.”

Shepard folded her arms across her chest and leaned a hip against the display.  “Any more questions?”

“What about me?”

All eyes turned towards Shannon then.  Shepard opened her mouth to speak, but Kaidan beat her to it.  “I need you here, Lieutenant,” he explained.  He darted a quick look at Shepard who nodded.  “If for some reason this all shifts hard to port, I need you here to contact Admiral Hackett immediately.”  Not that there’d be much that could be done given travel constraints, but the Admiral would need to know.  

Shepard nodded her agreement.  “We need at least one person who knows what’s going on aboard.  Just in case.”  

Shannon seemed to sigh then, Shepard noted, but she didn’t argue the point.  How could she, really, when both Shepard and Kaidan were telling her no?  

“Besides,” Garrus added as he walked over to give the young woman a pat on her shoulder, “Someone has to keep Joker out of trouble.  No telling what he might do if left to his own devices.”

Shannon laughed softly.  “Somehow,” she replied, but at least it was with a smile and a hint of mischief, “I doubt he’s going to let anyone get close enough to steal his ship while on Omega.”  Clearly, someone had told the younger woman what had happened the year before while on shore leave on the Citadel.  Shepard chuckled and darted a quick look over at the others.  Kaidan was smiling, Liara looked as if she was about to choke and Tali had her hand raised as she coughed into it.  

With the meeting breaking up afterwards, Shepard wasn’t surprised when Kaidan made his way over to her.  She’d expected it, actually.  “I do hope you intend to go armed at least,” he commented mildly as she focused on turning off the displays and returning things to order.

“My Paladin only,” she returned.  “I’m serious, Kaidan.  I’m taking a chance as it is going with Liara.  The only reason I think I’ll get away with it is because she, like Aria, is an asari.  The rest of her … background isn’t general knowledge.”  She turned sharply, suddenly, bringing herself face to face, nose to nose with him.  “And don’t even _think_ of sending Kolyat after us this time,” she added.  She was uncertain how else she could stress to him the need to keep things as low key as possible.

Kaidan caught the stress beneath her tone.  As much as he wanted to do just that, though, he wouldn’t.  She’d clearly be expecting him to do that now.  Besides, as much as he didn’t want to admit it to himself, he _did_ trust her.  Completely.  “I won’t,” he promised.  

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Do I even want to know where you’re hiding your pistol, Shepard?” Liara asked as they approached _Afterlife_.  Thankfully, upon arrival the _Normandy_ had been allowed berth at a docking space nearer the club.  It made for a longer hike for Kaidan, Garrus and Tali, but that would probably work to their advantage anyway, buying Liara and Shepard time to speak with Aria and, hopefully, be directed to the new leader of the Talons.  

Shepard giggled.  “Probably not,” she countered teasingly.  She gave her image a cursory glance in the reflection on the nearby storefront window.  The dress she’d chosen to wear was similar to the one she’d worn for the wedding, but was in shades of black and blue.  Beneath it, she had on a pair of stretchy leggings, and she’d chosen some mid-calf boots this time instead of the heels she might have worn in such a outfit.  The boots, actually, had a second purpose.  It was on the inside of her right one that she had the Paladin hiding at the moment.  Her left boot held a spare clip.  And though Kaidan had voiced his doubts about the speed with which she could retrieve her weapon if needed, she gently reminded him that this was only a precaution and the only ‘weapons’ she really needed to have at the ready were words.  

When they approached the club, they found the customary long line of people waiting to enter trailing out and around the corner.  Though they did not recognize Aria’s security personnel, as they approached, Shepard and Liara were ushered inside without any hesitation.  Shepard gave Liara a questioning look, but Liara simply shrugged.  Aria had her sources throughout Omega.  No doubt she was fully aware of their arrival.  

Inside _Afterlife_ , Shepard found that things had not changed much if at all since the last time she’d been here.  Well, before Cerberus had taken over Omega, that was.  Bright lights, loud music, crowds of people - it was all the same, yet not.  Shepard nodded towards the back of the club.  Leaning over towards Liara, she announced, “The Queen of Omega is holding court back there.”  

It took some time to make their way through the crowd.  As they did, Shepard scanned the area, taking in what she could along the way.  Outwardly, it seemed much the same as when she’d visited after being resurrected by Cerberus.  But, beneath it all, she could sense something different.  Aria’s tactics during the retaking of Omega had been harsh and, at times, ruthless.  She’d made her dissatisfaction with Cerberus quite clear, uniting the people against them in order to retake control.  But once retaken, things had gone back to the way they’d been before, only now with the Talons playing a larger role.  

“Well, well, look who’s fallen back into my little corner of the universe.”

Shepard could have had her eyes closed and still recognized the ‘hand in the velvet glove’ sound of the asari’s voice.  “Aria,” she greeted with a nod.  “I see things are … back to normal around here.”

Aria sniffed, hand waving off her security personnel who had stepped over behind Shepard and Liara as they approached.  “Omega is not without some change, Shepard,” she returned vaguely.  “And obviously, it still has some draw for you.  Or are you here to stir up something as you usually do?”

Shepard climbed the stairs to seat herself near Aria.  “I’m here on business,” she agreed in a neutral tone.  “And, wasn’t it you who once told me that if I have business on Omega, I would have to go through you first?”

A long moment passed in which the two simply evaluated the other, neither giving anything away.  After a time, though, Shepard thought she could see a slight tilt at Aria’s lips though she doubted she would ever admit to it.  “Interesting,” the asari murmured before rising to turn and face the rest of the club.  They were separated by a glass wall, but Shepard recognized the move for what it was.  “I don’t suppose this has anything to do with rumors I’ve been hearing of attempts against your life?”

Shepard glanced over at Liara who shrugged slightly.  “In a roundabout way, yes,” Shepard agreed.  “It doesn’t affect you directly … yet.”  That had Aria turning back to face her for a moment.  “My people need to meet with a contact.  That contact lives within the heart of Talon territory,” she explained.

“And you need me to tell you who is running the Talons these days so you can arrange to get your people in and out of there without incident,” Aria concluded, facing outwards again.  

“Yes.  I’d like this to go as smoothly as possible.  After all,” Shepard added with a decided mischievous tone, “I’m not here to fuck with Aria, hmm?”

It took a moment, but soon a soft chuckle began.  Aria moved back to sit near Shepard.  “You always were more clever than you looked,” she replied.  “Bray, get me Andros.”  

Moments later, the holographic image of a turian dressed in Talons colors appeared before them.  “Aria,” he greeted her neutrally.  “And … Commander Shepard?  Well, this is a surprise.”

Shepard nodded a silent greeting while letting Aria take the lead.  “Shepard has a request for you, Andros.”  

He turned his attention towards Shepard then.  “For me?  How interesting.  How can I help you, Shepard?”

“I have a group of people headed to the Fumi District to meet with a contact.  I am simply requesting that they be allowed unhindered access,” Shepard explained.

Andros appeared to consider this for a moment.  “Granted,” he finally announced, his hand waving off to the side.  “Anything else about this I should be made aware of?”

Shepard held back a sigh of relief.  Shaking her head, she told him, “At this point, no.  If anything comes of it, I will pass it along through channels.”  Which, of course, meant Aria first.  

Andros nodded.  “That is acceptable.  Pleasure doing business with you, Shepard.”  A moment later, the image disappeared.

Shepard remained seated though.  She had no doubt Aria would have some sort of comment over what had just happened.  The look on the asari’s face was all she needed to see.  Aria was not amused.  “Tell me, Shepard,” Aria nearly growled, “why I should let you leave so easily after that?  Do you have any idea what he’s going to think by the way you -”

“Aria,” Shepard rose and faced her, “these people after me … they appear to be remnants of Cerberus.”  She couldn’t fail to miss the bristle of tension in the asari’s shoulders at that news, but at least the irritation from a moment ago had been redirected.

“And?  You think they’ll come after me?  To Omega?  Again?”  The derision in her tone gave her opinion about _that_ idea.

Shepard shrugged.  “At this point, it’s difficult to say.  Right now, I think they’re only after me.”

Aria snorted.  “I can’t imagine why,” was the dry response.

Shepard sighed, hands moving to flatten the dress so that Aria could see her condition clearly.  The shock in the asari’s eyes was enough to let her know that she’d not guessed beforehand.  Eyes met and held.  “They are after me and mine, that much I know for certain,” Shepard said quietly.  “Vengeance?  Most likely.  And if that’s the case, then those I was associated with along the way, those who helped me or whom I helped against them, could become targets.”

Aria eyed Shepard closely.  “Why did you tell me this and not Andros?” she asked, curiousity evident in her tone.

Shepard managed a short laugh.  “Once my team is back aboard the _Normandy_ , I will be alerting him as well.”  She turned to leave then, pausing once to glance back over at Aria.  “I may not be the best Skyllian Blitz player in the galaxy, Aria, but I know how to win.”

As Shepard and Liara left, they could hear laughter behind them.  Shaking her head, Shepard wondered at Aria’s sense of humor sometimes.  Nudging Liara’s arm lightly, she murmured, “Let’s get something to eat while we’re here, hmm?  I’m starving.”  They had the time now, didn’t they?  

 

~ ~ ~

 

A soft beep at his omni-tool caught Kaidan’s attention.  Glancing down, he caught the brief message from Shepard as it flashed.   _Plan A is go._  He responded quickly before nodding at Garrus and Tali.  “Let’s go,” he told them.

The trip through the Fumi District wasn’t long, or perhaps it just seemed that way since they met no resistance, a clear indication that the Talons were going to uphold their word.   _At least on the way in_ , Kaidan thought.  The return trip would be the telling factor, though.  

They found the location easily enough, and their summons was answered quickly.  But to their surprise, it was a petite, elderly woman who responded.   “I’m looking for Goliath?” Kaidan hedged after the woman had greeted them.  

Chuckling, she nodded.  “Come inside, please,” she told them.  She led them into a room off to the left.  “How can I help you?”

Kaidan glanced over at Garrus who shrugged.  “We were sent by -”

Her eyes seemed to brighten.  “Miranda!” she gasped.  “Oh, good.  She sent someone for the information.”  Turning away, she scurried across the room very quickly for someone of such an advanced age, Kaidan thought, but with an ease and grace that suggested a lifetime of activity, if nothing else.  She opened a cabinet door and retrieved something before retracing her steps.  Taking Kaidan’s hand in hers, she lay the item in his palm and closed his fingers around it.  “Be careful with that, young man,” she warned, her finger bouncing at him for added emphasis.  “That has very important information in it.”

Kaidan ignored Tali’s soft giggle and nodded to Goliath.  “Yes, ma’am,” he promised as he tucked the data disk into a pouch at his waist.  

“I always knew she’d do this, you know,” Goliath continued, leading them back towards the door.

Kaidan saw Garrus frown.  “Knew who would do what?” the turian asked in confusion.  

The woman turned and patted Garrus’ arm.  “You’ll see,” she promised with a nod in Kaidan’s direction.  “It’s all in there.  Oh!  And tell Miranda that I found some additional information and added that too.”  She sighed wearily, her head shaking back and forth.  “They should be ashamed of themselves,” she muttered as she reached for the door to open it.  “Talking like that so openly, and right in front of me!”  She leaned out the doorway, glanced around for a moment and then gestured them out.  “Better go while you have the chance.  And be a dear, will you?” she asked Kaidan as he exited.  “Tell Miranda thank you for me.  I’ve owed her this for a very long time.”  The door closed behind him before he could respond.

“Well,” Tali mused a moment later as they began to retrace their path out of the district, “that was rather … interesting.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Garrus replied.  “I still want to know who did what, though.”

Kaidan thought about the data disk tucked away.  “We’ll find out once Liara has a chance to look through this, I suspect.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Target is reacquired.”

He waited in the shadows, eyes locked onto the two forms as they slowly made their way back to the docking area.  He’d been lucky, spotting them inside _Afterlife_ as he had.  Being off duty, he didn’t have his gear on hand, but he was able to communicate with those in command, even if he didn’t have a weapon or his armor.  He’d had a momentary fright, though, as the human and asari departed the club and he’d lost their trail for a few minutes.  But he’d caught up with them easily enough.  Neither appeared to notice him, either.

“Direction?”

“They appear to be heading back to the ship,” he murmured quietly.  Without his armor, he had to remain further in the shadows than he might have done had he his tactical cloak available.  A shout behind him had him pulling backwards, ducking down behind a stack of crates near a wall.  “Hang on.”

He waited for the rush of footsteps to pass by before he dared glance over.  “Appears they had two teams on ground,” he finally murmured through his commlink.  “Second one just caught up to them.  All are now heading onto the ship.”

Another hesitation as he waited for a response.  However, it was during this pause that he suddenly felt nervous.  As the group began boarding their ship, he noticed his primary target hesitate.  She turned, after a moment, and when her eyes seemed to narrow in just where he was, he thought perhaps he’d been made.  He was evaluating any possible escape routes should she suddenly draw a gun and start firing on him when he finally received a reply.  “Head back to base.  Do not let them see you.”  

He hesitated, holding his breath, afraid to even whisper a reply while she looked at him, but then she turned away and entered the ship.  He sat for just a moment longer before responding, “Understood.”  After another five minutes waiting - _Just in case_ , he reminded himself - he managed to maneuver his way away from the docks and back to the streets of Omega.  

 


	26. Straight On 'Til Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note - much of what I describe in this chapter (as far as the facility goes) is purely from my imagination based off brief mentions in the ME Wiki and a bit of research into Europa on Wikipedia. Hopefully, it makes sense!

_Nerves_ , she thought, hand rising to rub at her temple while she waited.   _It’s just nerves._  But it was more than that, and she knew it.  Sighing, Shannon paced back and forth, up and down the hall leading between the CIC and the bridge.  She’d been at this almost from the moment Shepard and the Major had departed with their teams.  It began as a supposed check-in with Joker, just to get his take on things, to see if he was noticing something the others had not.  After all, he’d been here before too, right?  Afterwards, she’d returned to the CIC, spoken with Samantha who, bless her, had been as reassuring as possible - _“Relax, Shannon, Shepard and the others have been through much worse than this before!”_  

It hadn’t helped.  Within ten minutes, she’d been back up at the bridge, staring out at the docking bay beyond.  This roaming, pacing, agitated pattern continued for what seemed like hours, each and every moment of it grating roughly against her.   _If anything happens to her, Admiral Hackett’s going to have my ass in a sling_ , she mused at one point.  She was supposed to be … oh, hell, why try to hide it anymore?  She’d basically been assigned to Shepard to be her private bodyguard after the attempt when Shannon’s team had retrieved Shepard from the Citadel.  Hackett had insisted upon it and at that time, had briefed her on what he expected.  Feeling both awed at such responsibility and honored at the opportunity, Shannon had accepted immediately.  

But the nature of things had changed with their flight from Earth.  Back aboard the ship, Shepard now had more than one person to watch out for her safety, pretty much putting paid to Shannon’s role.  And yet, she’d been included in Shepard’s ‘inner circle’ investigating who all was behind this.  Until today.  This time, both Shepard and the Major had excluded her from this mission, and _that_ was what was eating at her.  

_Why?_ she wondered, her steps increasing in speed as she roamed.   _Did I do something wrong?  Are they displeased with the job I’m doing?  Did they -_ She froze mid-stride, eyes taking on a deer-caught-in-a-headlight look, a pain starting deep in her chest and slicing its way upwards.   _Have they figured out who I really am?_  

“Lieutenant, are you alright?”

Shannon was facing away from the CIC, unaware of anyone’s approach until she heard the soft voice beside her.  Unable to hide it, she jumped, breath catching as she struggled to find her own voice to respond.  “S-sure, doctor,” she managed after a moment.  Turning, she gave the woman a smile.  “Sorry … my mind was … elsewhere.”

Dr. Michel’s smile was reassuring enough, as was the touch of her hand against Shannon’s forearm.  “Relax, Lieutenant,” the doctor told her quietly.  

Shannon offered a weak smile.  “I’ll try, doctor.”  Then a frown.  “What are you doing up here?” she asked, stress making the question much more blunt than she had intended, but the doctor only chuckled.  Shannon hoped that meant she hadn’t taken offense.  

“Both Specialist Traynor and Flight Lieutenant Moreau called down to the med bay,” Dr. Michel explained.  “Said you seemed ‘out of sorts’ and asked if there was something either myself or Dr. Chakwas could do to help.”  

Shannon glanced back over her shoulder at Sam, nodding when the Specialist smiled in her direction.  Turning, her eyes drifted forward to the bridge, but Joker was busy with his instrument panel.  But for that moment, Shannon felt the anxiety fade, if only a little.  It really seemed as if Shepard’s friends were willing to include her among their community.  “Thank you, doctor,” she murmured, “but I think I’m good now.”

Before she could say another word, Joker’s voice rang out in her direction.  “Lieutenant, here they come!”

_Oh, thank God!_

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Problem?”

Shepard hesitated at the steps into the ship, a peculiar prickling sensation running across her shoulders.  She’d had the oddest sensation that someone had been watching them just before they’d entered.  However, she hadn’t spotted anyone out there ….  

“No,” she replied, accepting Kaidan’s hand as he pulled her inside.  “Just … felt like someone was watching us.”

Kaidan half thought to step back outside, to verify for himself, but the hatch was already closed.  Whatever it was, real or imagined, they were now separated from it by the hull of the ship.  As he glanced down at her, he found her smiling, clearly diverted by something.  “So?” she asked in a rather expectant tone.

He found himself blinking in confusion for a moment.  “Oh!” he breathed when he realized what she was after.  Reaching into the pouch, he pulled the data disk and handed it to her.  “Let’s take it down to Liara,” he told her.  “I have the most incredible story to tell you about Miranda’s contact, Goliath.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Liara sat back from her computer and rubbed at her eyes.  She’d been at this for … what?  Nine hours now?  A soft snore from the bed caught her attention and she glanced over to find Shepard lying there, still asleep.  Smiling fondly, Liara stifled a yawn and turned back to the screen.  After the first hour, and Shepard’s refusal to leave until they knew what exactly they had, Liara had insisted her friend lie down at least and try to get some rest.  That way, if either of the doctors discovered she was there, Liara could pass it off as ‘forcing Shepard to relax.’  While reluctant, Shepard had agreed.  It took another hour before sleep finally did catch up with the general.

The problem with the information, Liara had discovered, was that the encryption on the disk was incredibly complex.  Even her best decryption programs were having difficulties with it, and if someone out there had a more complicated system than the Shadow Broker, she needed to know about it, right?  How to crack it.  How to adapt it so she could use it for her own work.  Find out who was behind it ….

Kaidan had dropped by to assist for a time after he and Joker had set a course taking them out of Omega.  As they were uncertain just yet _where_ they were headed, they were simply flying around the system stealthed until such time as they could set a flight path.  But in the meantime, and especially after Shepard’s comments to him regarding the thought that they’d been followed, they were taking no chances by staying docked on Omega.  But this encryption program had thrown him for a loop too, Liara discovered.  Between the two of them, they should have been able to deal with it readily enough.  And yet ….

The sound of her door opening had Liara glancing over to find Kaidan entering her quarters again.  This time, she noted, he did not come empty handed.  “I brought you some coffee,” he told her quietly, handing over a mug.

Liara sighed.  Why she loved this stuff was beyond her, but Kaidan had discovered that little fact early on back on the SR1.  It was one of the things that had helped ease their friendship down this path.  “Thank you,” she murmured, pulling the drink close so she could take a deep whiff of the rich aroma.  “Mmmm.”

He chuckled briefly, his eyes darting over to glance at Shepard before moving to the screen in front of the asari.  “Any luck yet?”

Liara sighed.  “So far, the only thing I’ve found are some recent notations,” she announced quietly.  She pressed a button and a short annotated list appeared on a separate screen.  “It looks like a list of some sort, but it was added later, and with less thorough encryption.”

Kaidan stepped around Liara to move closer to the display.  Frowning, he began reading the list.  “Byrn … Deantha … Norak ….”  He frowned and glanced over his shoulder down at her.  “What is this?”

Liara stood then and moved beside him.  It was clear by the look on her face that she, too, was perplexed.  A moment later, another piece of information was added as the encryption was broken.  Startled, she actually gasped.  “Zaeed Massani?”

“They sound like names,” a sleep-filled voice mumbled, catching both Liara and Kaidan’s attentions.  Turning, they found Shepard rubbing the remnants of sleep from her eyes.  “Morning,” she added with a small smile.

Kaidan moved to help her to her feet.  “Morning,” he murmured before pressing a kiss to her forehead.  

“What did I miss?”

“Not much, I’m afraid,” Liara replied.  She nodded towards the monitor.  “As you can see, all we have is that list.”

Shepard stepped around Kaidan and took a quick look.  The first three meant nothing to her, separately.  But combined with the last one ….  Covering a yawn with her hand, she mumbled, “Try cross referencing them with lists of known mercs.”

Liara frowned.  “But … why would ….”

Shepard shrugged.  “Liara, I see four things here, one of which I recognize,” she explained.  “The one I recognize is a name.  Either the others are also names, or they could be places I suppose, though none sound familiar to me.”  She turned to Kaidan and asked around another yawn, “What was it you said Goliath told you about this?”

Kaidan ran his hand across his chin as he thought back.  “She called it ‘additional information.’  Said that they ‘should be ashamed of themselves’ for talking openly in front of her, or something like that.”  

Shepard frowned this time.  “Did you see Zaeed on Omega at all?” she asked.

“No.  I mean, it was crowded and all, but nothing out of the ordinary … which in itself was strange, I suppose,” he mused.

Shepard shook her head.  “Not really,” she told him.  “Andros would have made certain you encountered no resistance after I spoke with him.”  She continued to stare at the list, or at least the one name she recognized on the list.  “Zaeed,” she murmured softly, “what are you up to?”

“He’s probably just a part of the reclamation process on Omega,” Liara observed.  “Maybe he decided to assist the Blue Suns in that regard?”

Shepard yawned again.  “Maybe,” she hedged, though deep down she knew that wouldn’t be the case.  Turning, she reached for Kaidan’s mug of coffee.  When he resisted, she pouted.  “Aw, c’mon, just a sip?”

Kaidan frowned.  “And have the doc all over my case?  No, thank you.”  

Liara reached for her mug just before Shepard did.  “Nope,” she countered, pulling it close.  “Kaidan’s right on this one.”

“Dammit,” Shepard muttered.  Another yawn.  Mornings were too damned difficult as it was.  “Fine, I’ll go make my own then -”

Kaidan grasped her wrist and pulled her close in a move so quick that Liara could tell Shepard was surprised simply by the soft gasp she let escape.  Turning away, the asari retook her seat, smiling to herself as Kaidan kissed his wife.  “You’ll have tea,” he announced a moment later, “and I’ll make it for you just to be certain you don’t try anything sneaky.”

Liara managed to keep from laughing aloud until the door had closed behind the couple, but it was a close call.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Liara’s got something.”

Shepard glanced up from the datapad she was reading to find Kaidan rising from his desk.  “Oh?” she asked, setting it aside and moving to join him.  A moment later, the tell-tale beep of her omni-tool alerted her to the same fact, as well as a request to meet in the war room.  Reaching for her hoodie off the back of the nearby chair, she nodded at him.  “Let’s go.”

The trip down was brief, and as they stepped off the elevator, they found Shannon waiting on them.  The first thing Shepard noticed was the frown on the Lieutenant’s face.  “That bad?” she asked.

“I doubt you’ll like it much, General,” she returned as she fell into step beside them.  

“You’ve been briefed then?”

Shannon blushed but nodded.  “I was speaking with Dr. T’Soni when the breakthrough came,” she explained.  “We had a brief discussion.  Enough of a one to know you’ll likely not be … happy.”

They arrived at the war room to find Liara speaking with Tali and Garrus, as expected.  However, Shepard was surprised to find Kolyat there as well.  Nodding her greeting as she stepped inside, she lifted a brow at Liara.  “It would seem that our drell friend, here, has no small skill with decryption,” Liara explained.

Shepard turned towards Kolyat.  “Puzzles have always intrigued me, General,” he announced mildly.  

Shepard gave him a small smile.  “I’m glad they have, Kolyat.  Welcome aboard.”

Liara pressed a button on her omni-tool and the room darkened a bit, a small projection of a portion of the galaxy map forming before them.  It took her but a moment to identify it.  “Sol System again?” she queried.

Liara nodded, pressing yet another button which zoomed into one of the planets.  “In particular, Binary Helix’s _Nautilus_ facility on Europa.”

Shepard glanced over at Kaidan, but he shrugged.  Clearly he had no ideas on this.  “But that facility has been abandoned for years.”

“So we were led to believe,” Liara replied.  “After the incident where the scientists were rescued by the Alliance, the facility became what you would call a ‘ghost town.’  However, I did some checking and cross referencing, and found that not only did some of the scientists return, but this time they were supported by Cerberus.”

Shepard stiffened at that announcement.  Binary Helix was known for genetic engineering and biotechnology.  If Cerberus had their hand in that particular area ….  She felt a strong, supportive hand on her shoulder and knew without looking up that it was Kaidan.  Sighing, she moved just enough to lean against him for a brief moment.  Though she couldn’t give a specific reason, this news was making her skin crawl.  The scary thing was, they still didn’t have a direct connection to _them_.  

Liara spoke up again, almost as if she’d read Shepard’s thoughts.  “The decryption is still incomplete,” she explained, “but I think we have sufficient evidence to suggest that whatever we’re after is there.”

“Can we even get into the facility?” Shannon asked.  When eyes turned towards her, she pointed out, “Well, it’s supposedly an Alliance facility now, right?  But if Cerberus was able to get in and use it … how do we know if it’s even accessible anymore?  And even if it is ….”

“Relax, Lieutenant,” Garrus broke in as Liara pulled up the schematics of the facility.  “Between all of us here, we’ve hacked into tougher places than this.”

Shannon blinked and looked over at him.  “Oh, I’m not worried about that part of it,” she assured him with a smile.  “What I meant was, do we want to go in here blind?  Binary Helix had their hands in a lot of different pots, but even I remember that included genetic engineering … biotechnology, and god only knows what else.  If they’re now working for Cerberus, or were, rather, and Cerberus is _known_ to be humanity first … and even then, they’ve got a grudge against Shepard … well ….”

Kolyat’s voice rose then.  “You’re thinking it’s a trap, Lieutenant?”

Shannon nodded, thankful someone was following her logic.  “Yes.”

Shepard straightened and folded her arms across her chest while considering.  “So … you don’t trust Miranda then?”

Shannon shook her head.  “That is not what I’m saying at all, General.  I know you trust her, and that’s enough for me.  I can’t say I’ve had the time to get to know her well enough to form an opinion either way in that regard as I’ve only met her the one time she came to your office.  What I _am_ saying is that the information we’ve received, and yes, through her sources, is just a little too convenient.”

“I think I have to agree.”

Shepard glanced over at Tali.  “I thought you were beyond this,” she murmured.

There was a moment’s hesitation before Tali spoke again.  “I have nothing against Miranda, Shepard.  Not any longer.  You know this.  But, I think Shannon is right.”

Sighing, Shepard lifted a hand to press the bridge of her nose, applying pressure to the headache she could feel forming.  “What other choice do we have?” she countered.  “We’ve walked into situations worse than this before -”

“No.”

Shepard sighed.   _Not right now, please!_ she told him quietly.  “Kaidan -”

“Absolutely not.”

Apparently, he wasn’t going to receive her silent message today.  “Look -”

“No.”

Frustration eating away at her now, Shepard pounded her fist on the table before her.  “Dammit, Kaidan, I can _do_ this!”

The room became entirely too silent, she thought, but she ignored that now as she turned to face him.  “I will not be excluded simply because -”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Kaidan had once told Shepard that she was the greatest challenge of his life.  Damned if she wasn’t proving that just now.  But he had to get her to understand that she had to think of more than just herself at that moment.  He stepped towards her then, a dark look in his eyes warning her that he was bound and determined to win this argument, no matter the cost.  “Will you please, for one moment, stop being so damned stubborn and think about the risks involved?” he challenged.  “You are a target, Shepard.  Face it, accept it.  You are also nearly seven months pregnant.  It’s becoming more difficult for you to move around with any sort of ease, let alone be in a battle situation.  You know this!  And if we are going into a situation where there could be biological as well as physical threats to you?  Will you please, for the love of god, just stop and consider that you’re not the only one you are putting into danger with this?”

He thought maybe he’d finally reached her when he saw her features pale.  Somehow, he’d managed to get around that stubborn streak and reached the logical, practical commander inside.  Reaching out, though, he was slightly shocked when she took a step back from him, remaining out of proximity.  Eyes meeting, he saw a sharp edge there, a look that told him she’d far from given up her end of things, one that promised she would fight this.  “Dammit, Shepard!” he hissed.

“We’ll avoid all the obvious reasons why I should go,” she told him, hands moving to settle at her hips in a stance, “and skip straight to the mandatory ones.”

Now it was Kaidan’s turn to feel the blood leave his face as she continued, “You need my gun.”

“We don’t,” he countered.  “Would I like to have it there?  Of course I would.  That goes without saying, and you know it.  But we don’t _need_ you.  What we _need_ is for you and the baby to be safe.”

“Liara, bring the floor plan up again.”  Kaidan couldn’t help but notice that Shepard had not turned to face the display, but was keeping her eyes glued on him as she gave her instruction.  She was making a point.  Reminding him, all too clearly,  of who and what she was.  And damn it all … she was right.  The moment he scanned the display, he realized what she her argument would be.  He groaned.  “No,” he insisted, though his tone was not nearly so assured this time.

“Garrus on the left, me on the right.  You, Tali, Liara, Shannon and Kolyat down the middle.”

“No.”

“Garrus?”

Kaidan glanced over at the turian who seemed somewhat startled to be called into this discussion.  “Spirits, don’t be pulling me into your domestic disputes,” he protested.

“Tell him.”  Two words.  Not even a command so much as a request, but the exasperated sigh was enough to tell Kaidan which side Garrus would come down on.  And thing was, Kaidan couldn’t blame him one bit.  

“She’s right, Kaidan.  We can provide the covering fire you’ll need to get in and out of there.”

He sighed.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to admit that he’d lost this round, though a part of him certainly did want that and probably would find a time to challenge her yet again … but later, when they were alone, not in front of the others.  “I’ll go set our course,” he told them a moment later, turning to leave the room without another word.

 

~ ~ ~

 

The doors had closed by the time Shepard reacted, following after him.  He had a good head start, though, and she didn’t catch up to him until she entered the CIC.  Instinct had her heading to the elevator and going up to their cabin, deciding to wait for him there.  They needed to talk.  She knew that just as she understood his concerns and reasons for not wanting her to come along.  If they were the only concerns involved, she probably would have agreed with him and stayed behind.  But there was more to it than that, and they both knew it.  To not go would be irresponsible.  She just hoped he would understand.  

Entering the cabin, Shepard’s eye was caught by the blue light blinking near the computer.  Realizing what it was, she stepped over and pressed the button.

A moment later, a familiar voice could be heard.  “Shepard?”

“I’m here, Miranda.  What’s up?”  

“I’ve received what Liara’s been able to decrypt so far,” Miranda returned.  “Shepard … that facility ….”

Shepard sighed.  “I know.  We believe it’s a trap,” she admitted.  

“Yes, I agree,” was the ready response.  

There were a few moments of silence, and then, “Miri … do you know anything about a Cerberus connection to the facility?  From your side of things, I mean.  Is there anything more you can tell us?”

“I don’t.  I’m sorry,” Miranda replied after a moment.  “You know I would, Shepard, if I did.  You also know how Cerberus was broken down.  I was not a part of that project, nor was anyone I knew.  I never even knew of its existence until Liara sent me this information.”

“I know.  I just was hoping … We want all the information we can get before we go in there.”

“I know you do, I just wish I could help more.  It’s just that .… Wait … what?  What do you mean, ‘we?’  You can’t be serious!”

Shepard blinked.  “Of course we’re going in.”

“But … you … Shepard, you can’t!” Miranda protested.  “For heavens sake, think of your child if not the rest of your crew!  You know damned well what the Illusive Man was like!”

Shepard sighed.  “Do you honestly think I’d go if there was no other way?” she countered.

“Yes!  Dammit, Shepard, I swear you have this ‘hero complex’ thing down to an art form, and it needs to stop!”

That had Shepard laughing softly.  “Well, you know, there’s the whole surviving whatever hell can be thrown at you during one lifetime aspect,” she retorted, “plus the N7 training thing, and the resurrection bit - by the way, did I ever thank you for that part?  If not, consider this the formal thanks - and, oh yeah, the whole ‘savior of the galaxy’ bit too.  It kind of makes me uniquely qualified, you know?”

“Dammit, Shepard, this isn’t a joke!  It’s not funny!” Miranda insisted.

“Miranda.”  Shepard sighed.  This was not how she’d wanted to have this conversation with her friend.  She’d hoped for a face to face discussion where she could count on seeing reactions as much as hearing them.  “Stop, please.  I promise you, I won’t take any unnecessary chances.  Okay?  I fully intend upon having Aunt Miri spoiling my child rotten over the years to come, alright?  Who else is going to teach her how to do all the girly things I don’t know, hmm?  It’s part of that ‘troubleshooting space divas’ code, isn’t it?”  

There was a soft snuffling sound from the other end of the conversation, and Shepard was afraid for a moment that she might end up in tears, too.  However, the feel of a familiar hand upon her shoulder, squeezing just tightly enough to remind her he was there, helped to ground her.  Reaching upwards, she covered his hand with hers.  “Look, I’ve got to get going, okay?”

“Aunt Miri?  You’re sure about that?”

“Absolutely.”

A soft sigh.  “Alright.  Just … be careful.”

“I promise.”

There was no sound as the call disconnected, just the flashing blue light going off.  Only then did Shepard rise to her feet, turn and walk into the arms of her husband.  “Kaidan ….”

“You know,” he murmured quietly as he just stood there holding her, “you scare the hell out of me sometimes.”

She sighed.  “I’m sorry.  I just -”

Placing a finger beneath her chin, he tilted her head so their eyes could meet.  “I suppose it’s one of the reasons I love you so much,” he finished.  “Just … promise me, you’ll stay back.  Let the rest of us do the more difficult stuff.  Okay?”

She nodded as his hands dropped to press against her belly.  She actually found it easy to make that decision, surprisingly enough.  “Kaidan, I -”

He leaned in to kiss her.  “I know,” he murmured.  “I love you, too.”  Then, straightening, he guided her over down below to sit on the bed.  “Now, in the meantime, you need to rest … because you know the moment one of the docs hears about this ….”

Shepard groaned, but she allowed him to pull her onto the bed with him.  “Okay, okay,” she agreed as he wrapped his arm around her, “maybe this one time I will ....”  She was asleep before she could hear Kaidan’s soft chuckling rumbling through his chest.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Well, _that’s_ certainly something you don’t see every day.”

Shepard, somehow, managed to keep her composure as she adjusted the altered armor.  As armor went, it didn’t look as if it would hold up in a stiff wind, let alone a firefight, but all it had to do was offer some extra bit of protection.  Just enough to keep her safe, at a distance.  “Go ahead, laugh it up,” she countered, her tone suggesting anything but.  She was quick to note that most of the others did, though … except for Garrus.  That was enough to warn her that he was up to something.

Kaidan stepped up beside her first.  “Is your tactical cloak working in this getup?” he asked.  He and Garrus had been working on it almost the entire journey to rig something together that would help protect her and the child.

Shepard fiddled with her omni-tool and pressed a button.  “How’s that?” she asked as the familiar shimmer settled over her.  

Kaidan took a step backwards, then around her.  “That should do -”

“Your bump is showing,” Garrus told her mildly.

Shepard hit the button on her omni-tool once more to shift back to normal before retorting, “Watch it, Vakarian, or you’ll end up with your own bump to worry about.”

Garrus chuckled.  “You know, Shepard,” he mused, “if we moved that bump up to your shoulders, we might be able to fit you in some of Grunt’s old armor.  You’ve been adopted by clan Urdnot, after all … we could pass you off as a krogan.  Problem solved.”

More amused chuckling echoed throughout the shuttle bay.  Shepard simply snorted.  “My voice isn’t deep enough,” she replied.

“Yeah, but you headbutt something fierce.  I can bear witness to that.”

Shepard’s eyes rolled.  “Garrus ….”  

Liara, though, actually giggled.  “So can I,” she chimed in.  

Shepard tossed a ‘not helping’ warning look at her asari friend before glancing over at Garrus again.  “You know, Garrus,” she replied mildly, stepping over to the armory to pull out her two favorite sniper rifles to make her selection, “if I were you, I’d be more worried about my aim.  I seem to recall the last time we were on a mission together, I had twice as many headshots as you.”

“Last time we were on a mission together,” he reminded her, “you -”

“Ninety-six, Vakarian, and that was _before_ the conduit run.”  She selected the Valiant lifting it quickly to check the sight before shouldering it and turning to face him.  “Add in over a thousand Reapers and ….”

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighed.  

Sensing the bantering was dying down, Kaidan stepped over.  “Right.  Let’s get this show on the road then.”  

 

~ ~ ~

 

The flight down was a quiet one, each preparing for what might come next in their own way.  Garrus, as was his wont, stood near the back of the shuttle, eyes focused on a distant spot along the far wall of the shuttle.  Liara sat beside Shannon, both biotics sitting similarly, staring down at the floor beneath their feet.  Kolyat, surprisingly to Shepard’s way of thinking, sat on the far side of the shuttle, still and silent.  His father had always reminded her of an animal on the prowl, even when still, but with Kolyat it was the same and yet … different.  Tali had taken the copilot seat this time, and as Cortez didn’t seem to mind it allowed Kaidan to sit with Shepard, legs brushing against the other, fingers tangling loosely together.  

The facility itself had been built beneath the ice shelf on Europa.  At one point early on, permanent access to the facility had been attempted via a transport system traveling beneath the icy crust, but after the evacuation of the moon and the people there, the system had been abandoned.  For the purposes of this mission, they would enter through the ice sheet at a precise location, with the assistance of the shuttle’s guns clearing a path, after which they would make their way to the docking bays that had been the main access point of the facility years before.  The trick would be in seeing if the old equipment in place for venting the ocean beneath the surface from the shuttle bay once they landed still worked.

As always, the flight in was as smooth as Steve could make it.  They landed in the docking bay easily enough, landing as close as they could to the main entrance point.  Surprisingly enough, access to the venting procedures was gained, thanks to Tali’s expert assistance at hacking the system, and after only a short waiting period, the area had been cleared.  

As the team began gathering, donning their environmental gear and exiting the shuttle, Kaidan stepped into the cockpit.  “Steve, be ready to leave at a moment’s notice.  There’s no knowing what we’ll find in there.”

Cortez nodded.  “Yes, sir.”

Shepard waited for Kaidan before stepping out of the shuttle.  “Ready?”

Kaidan nodded.  “As I’ll ever be, I suppose,” he murmured, stepping down and moving to take the lead.  Shepard remained in the back of the group with Garrus.  According to the schematics they’d examined back on the ship, the area they were heading towards was only a short distance inside of the entrance.  A long narrow hallway led into a larger, more open space which had been the main laboratory working area.  Beyond that were smaller labs, and above was a central control area.  Everyone had their assignments for this mission.  Garrus and Shepard would remain near the entrance, keeping an eye that no one exited the facility if indeed anyone was there.  Tali and Kaidan would head up to the main control room to see if they could access any information from the main database housed there.  Shannon and Liara would examine the main laboratory for anything pertinent to their investigation while Kolyat ventured (while cloaked) further into the smaller labs beyond.  This was, of course, all dependent upon the level of resistance they encountered.  

Arriving at the main doorway, they found the door closed and locked.  While Tali worked at unlocking it, Garrus and Shepard moved into place.  Shepard was just reaching to engage her tactical cloak when Kaidan laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed.  Glancing up, she met his worried gaze.  “Stay safe,” he told her.  Shepard, for her part, nodded solemnly before flashing him a cheeky grin.  “Hey,” she teased, “this is me!”  

“Don’t I know it,” he muttered, turning away as she engaged the device.  The door was beginning to open as he did so.  “Right … let’s go.  Be on alert, everyone.”

The moment he stepped through the doorway, despite his deep concerns for his wife and child, Kaidan pushed it all aside and turned his focus to the mission at hand.  If there was one thing he was quite good at, it was this.  Signaling Tali towards the stairwell to their right, he glanced over at Liara who gave him a signal that all was clear in the main part of the room.  Nodding, he gave her the go ahead sign and then followed after Tali.

They moved quickly and quietly, expecting resistance and yet, finding none.  By the time he’d made it to the top of the stairs and turned to find Tali hacking the lock into the control room, Kaidan had to admit he was beginning to feel just a bit … worried.  From everything they’d been able to discover about this place, they should have been walking into a trap.  There should have been Cerberus (or whatever they were calling themselves these days) troops coming at them from the moment the door to the lab had been opened.  If nothing else, there should have been a guard posted at the control room; workers in the labs, in the control room, … someone … _any_ one …. but all they got was nothing.

Lifting a hand to his comlink, Kaidan pressed the button.  “Anyone meeting any resistance?” he asked.

“Nothing here,” Shannon returned.  

“Same,” Garrus replied.

“I am through two smaller rooms, and yet … nothing,” Kolyat added a moment later.  “Everything I’m seeing suggests that this facility is empty.”

Kaidan frowned.  “Have you found the living quarters yet?”

“Yes, but like the labs … nothing.  It is like they simply packed up and left.  I’m not even encountering locked doors at this point.”

“All I’ve been able to find,” Liara murmured, “are logs suggesting the last time the facility was in use was about … a year ago.  Before the Reaper invasion.”

“Something or someone was here,” Tali broke in.  “It’s not … dusty or dirty enough to have been abandoned for that long.”

“True,” Kaidan agreed.  He pressed another button on his comlink connecting him with the shuttle.  “Cortez, anything unusual going on out there?”

“No, sir,” the pilot returned.  “Everything is quiet.”

“Do me a favor, check in with Joker and the _Normandy_ to make sure they’re okay up there.”

“Yes, sir.”  

While he waited, Kaidan connected privately with Shepard.  “Thoughts?”

Shepard sighed.  “Something isn’t right,” she agreed, “but what exactly, I have no clue.  Tali has a point when she says it’s not dirty enough to have been abandoned so long ago.  Someone’s been here recently.”

“Maybe Shannon was right?” he hedged.  “Maybe the attack was more of a biological one?  Something airborne?”

“Maybe,” Shepard returned, “but we won’t know until we’re back on board and go through decontamination.”  And _that_ would only be if it was something recognized.  If it was some new biogenetic tactic, they would most likely be shit-out-of-luck.

Shepard heard Tali’s voice in the background and waited for Kaidan return his attention to her.  “Tali says she’s got the records of this place.  We’re coming down to check on the others.  Meantime, stay alert.”

“On it,” Shepard told him before closing the link.  Turning to Garrus, she murmured, “Tali’s done.  They’re on their way down.”

Though he adjusted the angle of his gun, peering through his scope into the larger room ahead, Shepard heard him rumble, “You know, Shepard, it’s just a little bit disconcerting to hear that voice coming from thin air.”  

Shepard chuckled.  But like Kaidan, in the back of her mind, something wasn’t adding up right.  Something about this whole setup was off.  Wrong.  But … what?

It was another twenty minutes or so before Kaidan came back on the link, plenty of time for Shepard to come up with a long list of possibilities, but she never gave voice to any of them.    “Alright, let’s regroup and get out of here,” Kaidan announced.  There was still no sign of any resistance, but they followed standard procedure as they exited, just in case.  They’d been too careful for too long to suddenly relax their efforts now.  Making their way out of the lab to the docking bay, they found the shuttle engines already warming up, ready to go once they boarded.  Their departure from the facility went just as smoothly as their arrival.  

By the time Cortez was docking the shuttle aboard the _Normandy_ , though, the toll of the mission was beginning to show.  Shepard had begun pacing the moment the shuttle broke free of Europa’s atmosphere.  They were all still in their environmental suits, would be until they made it through decontamination procedures, but her edginess was still a palpable thing for the rest of the team.  Tali and Liara both approached her, reassuring her they would get to work immediately on the information they retrieved, yet all Shepard could do was nod.  And pace some more.  She was in such a state by the time the shuttle doors opened, Garrus retrieved her weapons from the seat behind her lest she forget them.  

With both doctors on hand, the decontamination procedures went quickly and produced nothing out of the ordinary.  That in itself was about the last straw for Shepard, though.  The moment she was cleared, she exited the area and headed straight for the elevators.  Enough was enough, she wanted answers.  Kaidan caught up with her, slipping inside through the doors just as they began closing.  All it took was one look at her prowling back and forth for him to press the button halting the elevator.  “Shepard, stop,” he insisted, turning to grab her by her arms and forcibly stop her motions.  

Blue eyes shot up to meet brown, almost frantic with feeling.  “How?” she whispered.  “What was that down there, Kaidan?  What did we just … do?  Why?”  She pulled back from him and began pacing again.  “By all reasoning, that should have been a trap waiting for us.  Even I understood that when Shannon suggested it.  We all agreed.  We all prepared.  So … why wasn’t it?”

“I don’t know,” he replied calmly, “but hopefully, we’ll find something in the information Tali and Liara retrieved.”

Her hands rose and began combing through her hair, left down after the decontamination process.  Pulling at it in a nervous gesture, she turned to face him.  “I just … my instincts are screaming at me.  Something about that whole situation was … off!”

Kaidan reached for her hands and pulled them free from her hair.  Keeping them in his for the moment, he pulled her close again.  “Shepard, stop this.  I agree, the way the entire situation played out was strange, no doubt about it.  But there’s no reason to panic like this.”

She frowned.  “I’m not ….”  He watched her as her voice trailed off, her eyes dropping to where he was still forcibly grasping her hands in his, holding her still.  “Oh, god,” she whispered after another moment, “I am, aren’t I?”

Releasing her hands, he pulled her closer, still, taking a moment to wrap his arms around her and give her a hug.  “Just a little,” he informed her gently.  “Nothing too far out of the ordinary.  Besides,” he peeked down to find her daring to glance up at him, “it’s to be expected, from what I understand.”  At her slight frown of confusion, he settled a hand lightly at her waist.  The way she pursed her lips and made a scoffing noise at that idea told him much about her current state of mind, though.  Chuckling, he told her, “Convince me I’m wrong.”

But instead, she sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder for a long moment.  “So,” she began again a short time later, a moment in which she was able to take a deep breath and collect herself before standing up to look at him again, “was this all a wild goose chase then?  Red herrings to give us something to follow after rather than the real enemy?”

Kaidan’s gaze narrowed as he looked straight into her eyes.  “Mis-information to throw our scent onto another suspect?”

Shepard frowned.  “Another suspect?  Who …?”  He held her gaze a moment longer and suddenly she knew.  “No!” she insisted, stepping back from him.  A sharp negative shake of her head had her long hair flying about her shoulders, falling into her face, but she ignored it for the moment.  “I’m telling you, Kaidan, Miranda is on _our_ side!  She _will not_ jeopardize any of us, especially the baby!”  If there was one thing of which Shepard was certain, it was that.  

“How can you be so sure?” he challenged.  “After everything -”

Shepard reached out and placed a finger over his lips.  “I am absolutely, one-hundred percent certain, Kaidan,” she told him quietly.  “I can’t give you the reasons, but please, know that it’s just not possible.”  And while, if she had to admit to something, Shepard might be willing to suggest that Miranda, _if behind such a thing which she wasn’t_ , could be after the child for herself, but such attempts would most definitely come after it’s safe delivery.  However, she did not verbalize this to him; it just wasn’t worth planting that unsubstantiated doubt in his mind only to have it come back later.  

He sighed softly, but Shepard could see that, despite the reluctant nod he gave her, he was accepting her answer.  Reaching around him, she started the elevator up once more.  She was reaching to press the indicator for the crew deck level when Kaidan caught her hand and pulled her away.  “Hey!” she exclaimed, finding herself suddenly turned so that he stood between her and the call box.  

“You’re not going anywhere but our cabin to rest,” he told her.  

She frowned.  “Now, Kaidan -”

“No.  You know as well as I do that the doctors will just come and find you in Liara’s cabin, or the lounge, or Tali’s office.  Let them do the work while you rest.  Later, once we know what we have, then you get involved.”  He almost laughed when he saw her frown deepen at the idea.  “Unless, of course, you’d like to spend the next two to three months in the med bay on bed rest …?”

Shepard gasped.  “You wouldn’t!”

The elevator arrived at their cabin and Kaidan reached for her hand, tugging her gently off the lift after him.  “If it means ensuring you and the baby are safe, then yes, I most certainly would,” he informed her.  “Rest now.  I’ll even stay here with you for a while, if you like.  Just ….”

Sighing, Shepard entered the cabin alongside him and followed him down to the bed, taking a seat beside him.  “Fine,” she muttered only slightly ungraciously.  “But after I take a nap, I’m going to see Liara and Tali.”

Kaidan moved to allow her to swing her legs up onto the bed.  “We’ll see what happens then,” he promised.  “Right now, nap.”  The sudden pinging of his omni-tool had them both glancing at his arm.  Chuckling, he tilted the display towards her.  “It’s Dr. Michel, no doubt wanting me to make sure you’re resting.  Shall I tell her -”

Shepard growled and pulled the blanket up over her head.  “I’m asleep!” she huffed as he turned away to take the call.  

  
  
  



	27. Through the Looking Glass

  
  


_Shepard walked along at a comfortable pace, eyes taking in the scenery around her.  Mountains with their snow-tipped peaks looming overhead, the orchard trees blooming, fresh and vibrant scents filling the air around her.  She could not hold back a smile as recognition of the Alenko family orchard settled over her like the weight of a familiar and friendly hand upon her shoulder.  Of all the places in the galaxy she’d seen over the years, this was one of the few she was thankful to be able to call home._

_She heard a soft sound behind her and her footsteps paused mid-stride.  Turning, she saw them off in the distance, approaching at a similar casual pace, the distance covered quickly enough as she waited.  She felt her smile widen at their approach, her heart brimming with the love and joy she felt each time she set eyes upon them.  Husband.  Child.  It was then she noticed that, though not far along quite yet, she was carrying another child as well.  Children, then.  Family.  Shepard knew that if she were the crying sort, this realization would have brought tears to her eyes.  But she was a hardened soldier, unwilling to give in quite so easily as that.  At least, that was what she reminded herself even as she reached to swipe the moisture away from her eyes.  Future._

_His smile gave her hope.  Fully reaching his eyes, every time she looked at him, she felt that hope refill her, sustain her.  Hope for a future together for them, hope for their small but growing family.  Hope that somehow, some way, all the efforts they put into their work were making a difference.  For them, for their children, for the rest of the galaxy.  Still fighting the battles that the innocents could not take on for themselves._

_He stepped close enough to lean in and kiss her lightly.  She took a brief moment to lean against him and absorb some of his strength he so willingly shared with her before turning to face the squirming bundle of energy in his arms.  She took a moment to touch, lightly running a finger along the side of her face, such familiar blue eyes meeting blue, delight and joy encompassing them both.  However, though she looked like her mother, it was clear she was quite content within her father’s arms as she wrapped tiny arms around him, head dropping to rest on his shoulder even as she managed a impish grin at her mother.  Shepard glanced over at her husband who gave her a sheepish sort of grin.  There was nothing she could do but return it with a smile of her own._

_Out of nowhere, the skies suddenly began to darken around them , and Shepard realized that a storm was rapidly moving in.  She tried to speak, to suggest that they return to the main house, but no words would come from her throat.  Concern rising, she instead turned to a vague sort of sign language, nodding her head in the general direction of the house.  He agreed with a nod of his own, and they began walking in that direction, their pace much quicker than minutes before.  As they walked, though, the skies continued to darken.  Black clouds, cold biting rain, even hail began to fall around them.  The wind whipped and churned, their clothing became soaked and still they walked._

_A strange, almost tickling sensation washed over Shepard, and she glanced down to find a familiar sheen surrounding her.  Grasping his arm to stay within range, she was grateful for the protection that his biotic barrier afforded them, though with the way the storm was whirling around them, she knew it would not do much should something more substantial be tossed in their direction.  Point in case, she nearly tripped and fell as a larger hailstone landed just where she placed her next step._

_Urgency was increasing with each and every passing moment.  They needed to get inside, out of the storm, but the house still could not be seen in the distance.  A dull thudding throb at her shoulder then as another hailstone hit.  Her eyes lifted to meet his, the message in them quite clear: we are in danger out here!_

_A resounding sharp skreaking crack from nearby caught their attention, and both turned to see the large tree branch, broken off one of the more ancient trees in the orchard, flying in their direction.  Shepard felt at a loss.  With no weapon in hand, she had no way to defend her family.  With Kaidan holding the child, he could not move fast enough to use his biotics to force the branch away.  She felt his hand slide around her shoulders, pulling her down to the ground as he moved to cover her and the little one …._

_The suddenness with which the rain, hail and wind stopped around them was shocking, but Shepard moved quickly the moment she realized it wasn’t because the storm had stopped.  Upon opening her eyes, she found a barrier shield had been thrown up around them, one similar to the one that Samara had used during the assault on the Collector Base to protect Shepard and her squad from the stinging swarms.  Turning, she glanced at her husband, wondering if he’d somehow managed to learn the skill, but the look on his face proved he was as confused as she.  But if he hadn’t done it …?_

_The child looked up at her parents with bright eyes, hands clapping and a wide smile.  It took a long moment for Shepard to realize that it had been her daughter, as young and small as she was, who had protected them from the dangers of the storm.  Another quick glance at the shield indicated just how well it was holding.  But how was this possible?  Not even two years old yet, and she was displaying abilities well beyond many older children who had been fitted with their implants, let alone adults.  Fear surged inside of Shepard, grasping at her lungs and making it difficult for her to breathe.  Extending a hand to her daughter, she pulled the little one close and wrapped her arms around her as she glanced at her husband.  What was going on?_

 

~ ~ ~

 

Shepard bolted up with a loud gasp, the import of what she’d just dreamt still floating gently in that state between sleep and consciousness.  She could almost see it, reach for it, pull it out for more minute examination to determine -

“General Shepard?”

Shepard groaned as it faded away and she was brought to full consciousness with the sound of Traynor’s voice over the intercom.  Rising, she made her way over to the desk and pressed the transmit button.  “Yes?  What is it, Traynor?” she mumbled, sleep still in her voice though she was now wide awake.  A hand rose to press against the bridge of her nose, attempting to ward off the beginnings of a headache.  

“Ma’am, Aria T’Loak is trying to contact you.  I have her available in the War Room, but if you’d rather, I could transfer her to your quarters.”

Shepard considered this for less than half a second.  “Up here, please, Traynor,” she replied.  After the mission to Europa, and some of the information that Tali and Liara had filled her in on earlier, Shepard wanted to make certain she had Aria’s undivided attention.  

It hadn’t taken her friends very long to decrypt the information they’d retrieved from the Binary Helix facility.  As a matter of fact, it had taken a considerably less amount of time by comparison to the information that Goliath had given them.  And in amongst it all, there’d been that seemingly carefully placed little tidbit ….

“Aria,” Shepard called out in greeting as the line was transferred through.  “To what do I owe the pleasure of this chat?”

“Shepard,” the asari returned in what for her would be considered a pleasant tone, Shepard supposed.  “I thought to … brief you on some recent happenings on Omega.”

Shepard sighed, rising from her chair to pace around the office area.  “Is that so,” she replied a little too casually and in a somewhat neutral tone.  

“Should there be some other reason?” Aria challenged.

Shepard snorted softly.  “Why don’t you tell me?” she returned.  

There was a pause, but Shepard waited.  She knew Aria well enough by now, she could almost envision her sitting (or standing, more likely) there, considering all of her options.  “Clearly, you have me at a disadvantage, Shepard, so why not just cut the bullshit and get to the point?”

“Fine.”  Shepard stepped over beside the computer, leaned her hip against the table and folded her arms across her chest.  “Care to tell me why I’m finding data at the Binary Helix _Nautilus_ facility that leads me directly back to you, Aria?  Are you trying to send a message or are you just getting sloppy?

“What?  You come across some planted information and it suggests that you … what?  Come after me now?  And this after your warning about Cerberus ….”

“It suggests,” Shepard enunciated carefully, “that you and Cerberus, or whatever they call themselves these days, are in each others’ pockets.  That what happened on Omega with Petrovsky was a carefully crafted plot between you and the person now heading the organization, someone called ‘Persephone,’ to ultimately bring down the Illusive Man so that she could get control of the organization as a whole.”  

The quiet that fell just then was a weighty one, but Aria did not let it last long.  “You are much more shrewd than I ever gave you credit for, Shepard,” the asari nearly purred.

Shepard sighed.  “Enough of the fucking games, Aria,” she spat out.  “I don’t have the time or the energy for this.”

Whether the snorting sound at the other end was one of surprise or derision, Shepard couldn’t tell, but then again, she really didn’t care at this point.  She needed information … confirming or damning, she didn’t care, but she wanted this situation resolved so she could get back to the matter at hand.  “So … what does this mean?” Aria challenged next.  “That you think to come after me now?  Instead of continuing your campaign against your true enemy?”

Shepard chuckled, the sound beginning softly and building slowly.  “Aria,” she countered readily enough, “if I was coming after you, I would have been there and gone by now.  I think we both know each other better than that.”   _Or,_ she thought silently, _if we don’t, we respect each other’s motives at least._  

Sighing, Shepard dropped into her chair again.  “I’m telling you, Aria, someone out there is trying to target you, most likely because of our past connection.  My guess, based off of this information, would be that they want it to look as if you’re allying against me so that I will do their dirty work for them.”

“Hmm.  I’ll have to concede that point,” she agreed.  There was a long moment of silence, and Shepard wondered what the asari was thinking.  “It seems as if my timing in contacting you may have been better than I’d first thought,” she finally continued.  

“Oh?”  Shepard’s brow lifted at this.  And then Aria’s earlier words hit her.   _Recent happenings on Omega._  “What’s happened?”

“It would seem that the … friend your people were meeting with during your last visit has met a rather unfortunate end,” Aria explained.  “Andros contacted me last night.  Your ‘Goliath’ was found lying in a pool of her own blood on her doorstep yesterday.”

“Coincidence?” Shepard asked immediately.  Fumi District was, even on its best days, a far from safe area to live on Omega.  It could have been any number of people who ….

“Not according to Andros.  Though he couldn’t say who _had_ done it, he was quite clear that neither the Talons nor any of the other merc groups seemed to be involved.  He said it had the look of something Cerberus might have done, but it appeared … off, somehow.”

“Yeah,” Shepard replied quietly, “this new group has that sort of history.”  Sighing, she sat back once more, her hand coming to rest on her belly.  She opened her mouth to continue, but hesitated a moment when the child rolled beneath her hand.   _Not now, Little Bug_ , she told the baby silently while patting at her to calm her down, _Mama’s in conference._  “I don’t suppose he’s heard a name or anything for them either?” she asked, turning her attention back to Aria.

“Not that he mentioned, though I do have some … feelers out on that as well.”  Shepard thought the asari sounded just a little smug with that announcement.  “It would be nice to know who was coming after us, don’t you think, Shepard?”

Shepard chuckled again.  “Indeed it would,” she agreed.  Rising to her feet, she continued, “Alright, Aria, for now I think we ought to at least outwardly make it look as if we’re at odds with one another.”

“Buy time while preparing for the real enemy.  Hmm, I like that idea,” she agreed.  “I gave this contact information to your communications specialist.  Should you need to reach me in future, it’s the safest way possible.  In the meantime, I will initiate preparations from my end of things.”

“And if you hear anything?”

Aria’s chuckle was just as it always was, cold and calculating, which inevitably told Shepard more about the asari’s state of mind than most might think.  “I will let you know.”

“Thank you.”

“Stay safe out there, Shepard.”

“You too, Aria.”  

Reaching over, Shepard disconnected the call before turning to reach for her hoodie.  A glance at the nearby chronometer reminded her of an appointment she needed to keep.  As she stepped towards the doorway, the baby moved again, rolling and nearly throwing Shepard off balance as she tried to maneuver around the chair.  “Hey, there, Little Bug,” she crooned softly as she finally made her way to the elevator, “not so fast, hmm?  You don’t want mama falling over and squashing you!”  Stepping aboard the elevator, she signaled the crew deck.  First, she had a check-up with the doctors.  Then, she figured, she’d find Kaidan and they could have lunch or - she glanced at her omni-tool - dinner, maybe by then, and bring him up to speed on Aria’s news.  Maybe by then they would have a better idea of where to head next.  

  
  



	28. An Apple A Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with this chapter. There are times when writing Kolyat that his muse just gets very fickle with me and makes the process much more difficult than it has to be! I'm hoping we've come to an agreement now and from here on out it will be a much smoother ride.

In the end, Shepard was able to kill two birds with one stone.  Entering the med bay a short time later, she was welcomed by Dr. Chakwas immediately, but noticed Dr. Michel tending to someone in the far back, dimly lit corner of the room.  Given the potential patients in a setup like that, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on.  “Kaidan?”

“He’ll be fine, Shepard,” Chakwas assured her while leading her across the room to a better lit area.  “Dr. Michel has been giving him those treatments again and they seem to be helping with the severity of the headaches when he has them.”

Shepard’s eyes lingered on that corner of the room for an extra moment, though, before she forced herself to turn her attention to the doctor.  “Alright.  What do you need from me?” she asked.

Chakwas chuckled.  “Are you sure you’re feeling alright, General?” she teased.  “Because that right there is a major difference from the last time I gave you an examination.”

Shepard scowled.  “No it isn’t,” she countered, “because if you even look like you’re coming at me with something sharp and pointy, I’ll -”

“No sharp, pointy objects are necessary today, General.”

Chakwas continued laughing while she and Shepard turned to face Dr. Michel.  “You have to watch out for her, Chloe,” Chakwas advised with a knowing smile and a sage nod.  “She’s likely to turn and flee.”

“Hmmpf,” Shepard grumped.  

Dr. Michel grinned and chuckled softly while gesturing to the nearby bed.  “So I remember.  Now, please, just sit up here and I can begin.  This shouldn’t take long.”

Shepard climbed onto the bed, laying back as Dr. Michel brought up her omni-tool program and began her scans.  “Anything unusual to report this time?” the doctor asked.  It was her standard line of questioning whenever Shepard came for her check ups.

Shepard sighed, closing her eyes against the light.  “I don’t suppose throwing her weight around inside of me and almost tripping me up counts?” she asked, the memories of her most recent experience at the forefront.

Chakwas offered flippantly from across the room, “I suspect that might be more of a warning of what’s to come in the years ahead than anything else, Shepard.”

“No doubt.”  Sighing again, Shepard struggled to recall anything out of the ordinary since her last visit.  “Occasional headaches, odd dreams, kicking my ribcage in the middle of the night … same stuff as always, I guess.”

“And not just her,” Kaidan’s voice called from across the room.

Shepard chuckled at that.  Shielding her eyes with her hand, she opened them to catch Dr. Michel looking down at her in question.  “She apparently has quite a right hook or leg or something,” Shepard explained.  “She kicked his back the other night and woke him from a sound sleep.”

“Well,” Chakwas replied with a knowing look from across the room, “that’s quite good.  The more movement, the better.”

“Then she can kick you next time, doctor,” Kaidan grumbled.

Shepard rolled her eyes and glanced up at Dr. Michel.  “Also, weird cravings.  I found this stuff on the Citadel some time back, not sure what it was exactly, but kiddo here,” she poked lightly at her belly only to have the child do another roll, “seems to like it.  Some sweet thing I found on the Presidium.  Sort of reminded me of maple sugar candy back on Earth … but not?  I think the vendor said they were from Thessia, but I’m not positive on that.”

Dr. Michel smiled.  “Your child will have a sweet tooth, non?” she teased.

Shepard groaned.  “Probably.  My sister and I sure did when we were little.  Dad used to tease us that we’d break the bank with all the sweets we demanded.”  She sighed softly at the memory.  At least those were coming easier these days.

Dr. Michel brought her omni-tool before her, examined the readings and nodded.  “Everything looks good,” she announced.  “However, you are still showing signs of working too hard.  Your blood pressure, while still in the normal range, is higher than it should be, and the scans show some swelling around the ankles.  You need to relax more, General.”

Shepard sighed heavily as she was assisted into a seated position by Dr. Chakwas.  “Good luck with that, Chloe,” Chakwas commented.  “I doubt that Shepard even understands the meaning of the word.  Certainly not in all the time I’ve known her.”

Shepard wrinkled her nose up at Chakwas.  “What a tattler you are,” she retorted.  To Dr. Michel, she added, “Doc, I do what I can.  You know that.  And honestly, kiddo seems to be fine from what I can tell.”

Dr. Michel was not placated.  “General, do I have to put you on permanent bed rest for the remainder of this pregnancy?  You know that I -”

Shepard hopped off the bed and straightened her shirt as she returned a quick but emphatic, “Hell no!”  Then with a quick look in Kaidan’s direction, she asked quietly, “Can I see him for a minute?”

The doctor relented a bit and nodded.  “Of course.  He’ll be fine in a little while,” she promised softly.  

His back was facing towards her as Shepard approached, so she gently laid a hand on his arm to let him know she was there.  He lifted his hand to cover hers, alerting her that he was well aware of her presence.  “Doc’s getting it under control,” he murmured.  “I’ll be out of here soon.”

Shepard leaned over to kiss his temple lightly.  “Good,” she whispered softly.  “Think I’ll follow her advice and go sit on the observation deck for a while.  Find me later?  If you feel up to it?”

“Of course,” he replied.  He squeezed her hand once before releasing her.  

 

~ ~ ~

 

Shepard sat in one of the reclining chairs, soft music playing in the background, lights dimmed and most of any luminescence that was present coming from the stars outside the large-paned window.  It was a beautiful sight, and she was reminded of Samara.  The asari had chosen this room for her own during their journey together for this very view.  Shepard could appreciate it so much more now.  She also realized how much she missed her friend.  Perhaps she could try to track her down?  At least get a message to her, to let her know how things were going.

Her thoughts drifting along with the music, Shepard nearly missed the soft hiss of the door as it opened.  Opening her eyes, she spied Kolyat entering with a hesitant step.  Offering him a smile of welcome, she sat up a bit more and gestured him inside.  “Please, come in,” she told him.

He seemed reluctant at first, but he finally moved to take a seat nearby.  Shepard waited patiently.  It was clear he had something he wanted to say.  “I do not wish to interrupt -”

“You aren’t,” Shepard insisted immediately.  “I was just … resting.”  Sighing, she laughed softly.  “Dr. Michel seems to think I’m not relaxing enough.  I was doing my best to follow orders.”  Another sigh as she glanced out the window at the galaxy beyond.  “I suppose I’m not doing so well at that.”  

Turning back to face him, Shepard asked, “Is there something I can do for you, Kolyat?  You seem … troubled.”  

He pulled back a bit, a startled look crossing his face, and Shepard waited once more.  “I would not say troubled,” he finally explained.  “I found myself thinking of my father earlier.”

She smiled.  “That is good then, hmm?” she asked.  Rising to her feet, she moved to the couch to sit beside him.  “I know you and your father had little time to work things out between you, but he cared a great deal for you.”

Kolyat glanced over at her then.  “I know, General,” he returned.  “Though our time was limited, we did manage to find our way back.”  He shook his head.  “I was angry at him for such a long time.”

Shepard nodded.  “He knew that.  But,” she added, “he understood why.  He knew that much of the blame lay with him.  And, he wanted to keep you safe, protected.”  

Kolyat sighed.  “And I didn’t want to see that.”

Shepard laughed softly.  Reaching out, she patted his arm.  “Kolyat, you were a child.  Most children don’t want to see that.  They wish to believe they are right in all things, not that an elder, especially a parent, could be.”

They sat in silence again for a time, until finally Kolyat asked, “Shepard, my father used to call you ‘siha.’  Do you recall what that word means?”

Intrigued by the sudden shift in conversation, Shepard nodded, replying, “Your father told me it means ‘one of the warrior-angels of the goddess Arashu.  Fierce in wrath.  A tenacious protector.’”  She smiled warmly at him.  “I sometimes wondered if your father was overestimating what he saw in me.”

The drell smiled, nodding his head respectfully.  “The fact that you remember so clearly tells me more about the depth of your relationship with my father, I think, than anything,” he said quietly.  

“Your father was very important to me,” she replied.  “I know it’s difficult for you to accept that I have moved on, but -”

Kolyat raised his hand to interrupt.  “No, General, that is no longer an issue for me.  Please believe that.  I have seen you and the Major together, I understand now.  When you told me he was your Irikah, you were correct.”  He rose then and walked over by the windows.  “No, what I was meaning to convey is more that … I am, in some ways, my father’s son.”

Shepard rose to follow him.  “How do you mean, Kolyat?” she asked quietly.  He clearly had some point he was trying to make.  

He turned to face her.  “I have no established skill set which I can use to provide you assistance,” he explained.  “Not like my father did.  And yet … I find myself becoming included as part of your … team, more and more often.”

She smiled at him.  “You do have skills, Kolyat,” she corrected.  “Some were from your father, some are clearly your own.”

“Hmm.”  He turned back to face out the window again.  “I appreciate your support in that, General.  But my point is that … I find myself wishing to … protect.  You.  Your child.  Your husband.  Your crew whom, I have come to see and understand, are an extended family for you.”  She nodded.  “Please, General, know that I am willing to do the same.  In return for all you have done for me and to honor what you and my father once had together.”

For the briefest of moments, Shepard was unable to speak.  “You … Kolyat …”  Sighing, she turned to lean her shoulder against the wall as she struggled for words.  

“General,” he continued.  “No.   _Shepard_ , this is not because of rank or duty … this is because you once included my father in your family.  In that bond.  This is because you now do the same for me.  Without question.  Without hesitation.  Without doubt.”  He turned towards her again.  “I offer you my skills, my assistance, in whatever ways they may be of use, and in doing so I believe that my father still watches over us both.”  Still unable to put thoughts to voice, overcome by emotion, she could only nod her acceptance.  

The door behind them opened then, and both turned to find Tali entering the room.  “Oh, excuse me,” she exclaimed softly when she saw them.  “I did not know you were busy -”

“No,” Shepard called out, glancing over at Kolyat first to be certain he was finished speaking with her.  He gave her a solemn nod before turning towards Tali.  “I was just leaving,” he gave as reassurance before exiting the room.

Tali stepped over to stand beside Shepard then.  “Shepard, are you alright?  You look ….”

Shepard sighed and nodded, moving over to take a seat on one of the benches.  “I’m fine.  We were discussing Thane and … other things.”

“Ah.”  Tali moved to take a seat beside her.  

Shepard glanced over at the quarian.  “What can I do for you?”  

They sat and talked for a while, remembering old times, catching up on the months apart after the end of the war, and eventually moving onto more mundane things like music, books and other things they had in common.  Though Shepard was certain Tali had a point for seeking her out, she was in no mood to rush her.  Shepard had always given her time to her crew and friends as needed, no matter how long or short.  Tali would find her way to where she needed to be in due time.  

That time came about thirty minutes into the discussion.  “Shepard … if we’re heading back to the Citadel … I think ….”

Shepard glanced over at her friend.  There had been something in the quarian’s tone to trigger the understanding.  “Tali, are you planning to leave us?” she asked quietly.

“I really have no purpose here,” she countered.  When Shepard opened her mouth to protest this point, though, Tali cut her off.  “No, listen … you have Adams, Donnelly and Gabby down in Engineering.  And, no, we haven’t had any issues with each other.  We work well together.”

Shepard wondered if the slight flutter she was feeling in her chest was panic.  It was a very foreign feeling.  “Then what …?  I mean, you played a large part in what we found on Europa,” she reminded her.

“Pfft.  Kaidan could have managed that and you know it.  All I did was retrieve information from the data drives.”

“And,” Shepard insisted, “you were the first to make the observation that the place hadn’t been as abandoned as we were led to think.”

Shepard thought she could hear Tali sigh through the voice filter on her suit.  “Look, Tali,” she reassured her friend quickly, “I’m not going to refuse your request, if that is indeed what this is.  I’m just trying to understand why.”

There was a short moment of silence, though Tali’s fingers were rubbing together in a nervous gesture.  “Shepard, I need to try …  There’s the Fleet.  There’s your safety.  Help rebuilding the mass relays.  I just …  I think I can help more in other areas is all.”

Shepard sighed softly.  How could she argue with that logic?  “Have you spoken with Garrus?” she asked quietly.

Tali chuckled.  “Are you kidding?  He’s the one who insisted I come and talk to you.”

Shepard chuckled.  “No doubt hoping I would talk you out of it, huh?”

Tali’s laugh sounded unforced.  “Actually, he told me he understood and that if he could help in anyway to let him know.”  She glanced over at Shepard.  “You know I’m not doing this because -”

Shepard raised a hand to cut her off.  “Tali, I would not presume to think there is any other reason for your decision other than the ones you are telling me.  I trust you.  I trust our friendship.  And, like you said, there’s potential for you to be of more help out there doing other things.  For me to keep you when that is possible would be selfish of me.”

They were quiet for a time, both falling into their own thoughts.  “There are benefits of having you on the Citadel, too,” Shepard finally added.  Giving Tali a quick smile, she added, “It would be nice to have someone I know we could trust there.  Just in case.”

Tali’s laughter echoed throughout the room.  “A spy?” she teased.  

“An inside source,” Shepard countered.  

Tali snorted before nodding.  “A spy.”  They both laughed together this time, but Shepard still rolled her eyes.  “Fine then.  A spy.”

The door opened again, and both women turned to find Kaidan entering the room.  Tali rose, taking that as her cue.  “I will go begin packing then,” she teased.  

Shepard gave an overly dramatic sigh.  “Just make sure Garrus knows you twisted my arm on this and not the other way around!”

Kaidan turned to watch Tali leave before walking over to sit beside Shepard.  As he did so, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she leaned over to hug him.  “Feeling better?” he heard her ask.  

“Yeah, more or less,” he returned.  “You said something about wanting to talk to me?”

Shepard nodded.  “If you’ve got a few minutes, yeah.”  She took the better part of the next hour to go over the details of her discussion earlier with Aria.  When she got to the part about Goliath, she wasn’t surprised to see him wince.  

“Damn.  Though,” he added, “I can’t say that really surprises me.  She was acting pretty cagey when we were there.”

Shepard nodded.  “This group though,” she murmured.  She really wished she knew what they were called.  They were obvious remnants of the Cerberus organization, but there were times that their behavior was so unlike Cerberus that it was just wrong to call them that.  Sighing, she shook her head.  “I can’t help but feel there’s something more at stake here, Kaidan.  They’re going to such lengths.  I mean, why bring Aria into this?  I’d hardly call our relationship as ‘friendly,’ you know?  There’s no point to it.”

Kaidan tightened his arm around her.  “Unless they think you would eliminate her, thinking she was connected somehow?  A threat?”

Shepard snorted softly.  “Then that only proves that they don’t know me very well.”

“Or that they have bad intel,” he pointed out.  

“Or,” Shepard concluded, glancing up to meet his gaze, “they just don’t give a rat’s ass and will do whatever it takes to get to me.”  She shuddered lightly.  “I think that frightens me most out of all of this.”  This last was a whisper near his ear.

Kaidan pulled her onto his lap this time, arms as tight around her as he could make them.  “Not going to happen,” he growled firmly.  Hand shifting to rest over their child, he pressed lightly, smiling just a little when he felt the baby push back.  “We’ll keep you safe.”

Shepard sighed and nodded, her head still resting against his shoulder.  “I know,” she returned.  

“Just remember though,” he reminded her, “they’ve messed with the wrong people.”

Shepard’s smile returned then.  “That they have.”

Sighing, Kaidan sat back, arms still around her, and continued, “So then, to the Citadel?  I think I heard Tali mention something about packing when I came in?”

Shepard nodded.  “Yeah.”  She took a few minutes to explain the conversations she’d had with Tali and Kolyat before he’d entered.  “And maybe by then we’ll have some more information out of what we found on Europa?”

Kaidan pulled back and gave her a questioning look.  “You haven’t spoken to Liara then?”

Shepard looked surprised.  “Should I have?  I hadn’t received any messages.  Last time I talked to her was this morning.”

Helping Shepard to her feet, he stood beside her.  “Let’s go check with her,” he suggested.  “We can both get brought up to speed at the same time then.”

 


	29. A New Direction

Having been alerted to the impending departure of one of their companions, Kaidan contacted Bailey before their arrival at the Citadel so that arrangements could be made for Tali so that she wouldn’t have to suddenly fend for herself all alone.  Liara, too, had made some arrangements of her own and by the time the _Normandy_ was docking on the station, not only did Tali have an apartment at her disposal, but several opportunities available for employment as well as offers of assistance for efforts in trying to contact the Migrant Fleet.  Additionally, Admiral Hackett assured Kaidan that he would send an Alliance representative to meet with Tali to discuss her input on the reconstruction of the mass relays, particularly after her involvement with the Charon Relay just weeks before.  All in all, by the time Shepard was saying goodbye to her friend, she wondered if Tali hadn’t ended up in a situation much more complicated than the one she’d had before.

Tali chuckled at that idea.  “Relax, Shepard,” she told her friend.  “You know me, I like keeping busy, and having different projects to work on will keep me out of trouble.”

Shepard grinned.  “So … no trying to contact the Shadow Broker on your own then?” she asked, referencing the day they had met four years before.  

Tali laughed.  “No, I think I’ve successfully marked _that_ objective off of my list,” she replied.

They were in Tali’s new apartment, a smaller place than many, but the quarian didn’t mind.  “I’ll keep myself too busy to notice,” she promised.  

Shepard bit her lip as they walked through the rooms.  Size wise it wasn’t bad, she had to agree, but it was going to be strange leaving her friend behind when the _Normandy_ left.  She was so used to having her around for missions, or simply just to talk with.  “Tali ….”

“Shepard,” Tali interjected, reaching out and touching her friend’s arm, “we both know this is for the best.  Besides,” she nodded at several boxes that had been brought from the ship and left in the entryway, “I have my own project to work on as well.”

“Really?”  Shepard turned, eyeing the box quickly and then turning back to her friend with an arching brow.

Tali chuckled.  “Call it a … research project.”  When still Shepard looked confused and curious, Tali offered an exaggerated sigh and announced, “Without Joker knowing, I’ve taken all of EDI’s pieces and parts.”

Shepard gasped, eyes widening in surprise.  “Do you think ….”

Slender shoulders shrugged.  “I can only try,” Tali replied.  “That’s why I haven’t told Joker what I am doing.  I don’t want to get his hopes up if I can’t actually make it work ….”

Shepard reached over and gave Tali a small hug.  “I know.  On his behalf, though, I’ll thank you for trying.”

Tali laughed.  “Thanks, Shepard.”  They turned and walked to the door of the apartment where upon opening it, they found both Kolyat and Shannon outside standing guard and waiting on Shepard.  Giggling softly, Tali added, “I believe your escort is here.”

Shepard sighed.  “Oh, for the love of …,” she muttered, but she winked at Tali.  “Stay in touch, Tali.  And stay safe.”  

“I will, Shepard,” Tali promised.  As a final goodbye, Shepard watched the quarian place a hand atop Shepard’s belly and heard her murmur a few words in her native language.  “Keelah se’lai.”  

Shepard hugged her friend again nearly overcome by Tali’s gesture.  “Thank you,” she whispered tightly.  

“Oh, get out of here, Shepard!” Tali muttered in mock irritation.  “Or you’ll have me crying with you!  And the last thing I need is to worry about drowning in my own enviro-suit!”

Departing in laughter sure beat the hell out of departing in tears, Shepard decided.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Where to, Shepard?”

Though feeling a bit down about leaving a good friend behind, Shepard managed to pull her thoughts together enough to respond to Kolyat’s question.  “The Presidium.  We’ll meet up with the others at the embassy before heading back to the ship.”

The nice thing about being escorted around by Kolyat and Shannon, Shepard thought, was that they actually looked, for all intents and purposes, as if they were supposed to be there.  Shannon had donned a casual dress, one of the type similar to many of the office personnel on the Citadel, and Kolyat continued to wear his normal attire which, like his father, assisted in the blending in with most settings around him.  Shepard had finally given in and was wearing a more comfortable and loose fitting dress, though she was no longer able to conceal her condition as she once had.  The child within her had finally begun growing by leaps and bounds, and there were times that Shepard could only wonder at just _how_ she would be expected to deliver it when the time came.  As far as she was concerned, the child was too large, and she still had over two months to go!

Moving at a casual yet comfortable pace, the three made their way through the streets of the wards and the series of transports and elevators until finally arriving at the last elevator system that would take them to the Presidium itself.  But before they boarded, Kolyat subtly took Shepard by her arm and pulled her off to one side while signalling Shannon to the other as a scuffle broke out ahead of them.  At Shepard’s frown, Kolyat replied quietly, “It’s probably nothing, but best to be certain before we continue.”

Shepard nodded, moving to stand beside him in the shadowy area off to the left of the elevators.  Shannon was on the far side, eyes alert, scanning the crowds around them.  Though there was no immediate threat that any of the three could detect, it was still a sobering process and one that was leaving Shepard feeling just a little unsettled.  

The scuffle turned out to be nothing more than a small, personal disagreement between two individuals, but it took some time before the crowd dispersed.  At this point, Kolyat had decided that they should wait until they could take an elevator by themselves, and so they allowed a goodly time to pass.  In the meantime, Shepard turned to face out towards a courtyard further off to their left, admiring the cleanup and reconstruction efforts.  She and Kolyat began a quiet discussion then about the day he’d assisted Commander-now-Ambassador Bailey with the evacuation of the Citadel.  “I can’t imagine it was an easy process,” Shepard told him as she eyed the area below them.

“It wasn’t,” he agreed.  “However many people we did end up losing, though, I can at least take comfort in knowing that we were able to save many who otherwise would have been lost.”

Shepard smiled up at him then.  “Each and every day you sound more like your father, Kolyat,” she murmured.

The drell smiled and bowed his head towards her in a gesture of acknowledgement and gratitude.  “Thank you, Shepard.  That means a great deal to me.”

Turning, Shepard scanned the immediate area.  It was mostly clear now.  “Alright,” she said quietly, “let’s get this show on the road.”  

Kolyat strode over to call for the elevator while Shepard looked around and finally spotted Shannon, off to the right a short distance and apparently utilizing her omni-tool for something.  Waving at the Lieutenant, Shepard finally caught her attention to which Shannon nodded and closed up the device before hurrying over.  “Sorry, ma’am,” she murmured.  

Shannon eyed the younger woman.  “Something I need to know about, Lieutenant?”

Shannon shook her head.  “No, ma’am.  Not at this time.”

The elevator arrived then and Kolyat held it open for both women to enter.  Once satisfied, he stepped inside as well and allowed the doors to close behind them.  

The trip was not a long one, but it was quiet.  There was the standard music in the background, playing over the speakers, but by this point in her years of traversing the Citadel, Shepard hardly even noticed anymore.  Though, what she _did_ notice, didn’t really sink in until it was almost too late.  Just as the elevator began to slow, indicating it was arriving at its destination, the soft notes floating above their heads suddenly and quite sharply ceased.  It was enough of a sudden difference, even, that all three occupants glanced upwards together, acknowledging it, and yet not certain what significance it might have.  Moments later, the elevator pulled to a stop.

Per prior arrangement, the three had decided that during their travels today Kolyat would always exit first or enter last, Shannon at the other end and Shepard in between them.  This time was no different, and as Kolyat moved to stand in the doorway, Shepard shifted so Shannon could pull up behind her ….

Except that the door did not open as it should.  Frowning, for Shepard had experienced such inconsistencies with the elevators upon the Citadel over the years, she stepped forward, but Kolyat’s arm shot out.  “No, Shepard.  I can get this.”

Shepard sighed.  “Last time it did this to me, it was a -”

A sudden loud blast from the other side of the still closed door shook the elevator sharply.  Immediately, Shannon moved around in front of Shepard and pulled her to the left and behind her while Kolyat moved to the right.  The blast had managed to jostle the doors partially open, but the gap there was barely wide enough for one of them to step through individually.  

The momentum from Shannon pulling on her arm had Shepard slamming back first into the wall.  “What the hell …?” she muttered, reaching for the pistol she was carrying.  Shannon had already done the same, as had Kolyat across the carriage.  Wisps of smoke filtered inside through the opening, but not enough to cause any hindrance to breathing just yet.  

Shannon glanced over at Kolyat, nodding slightly towards the doors.  He nodded back at her, and she squatted to the ground, moving slowly, carefully, to peer around the edge.  She’d been visible for barely a second or two before pulling back, but it was enough as gunfire began spraying where her head had been not moments before.  “Shit!” she hissed.

“You okay?” Shepard asked, lowering herself to the floor beside her.  

“Yeah, they didn’t get me, but … Well, damn!”

Shepard chuckled.  “I don’t remember you being this caught off guard that attack in my office, Lieutenant,” she commented mildly.

“Sorry, ma’am!” Shannon piped up quickly.  “It’s just -”  She sighed.  “Okay, saw maybe ten of them?” she finally relayed.  “As far as I can tell, mostly armed with assault type weapons, wearing medium to heavy armor.  There might have been an engineer on the far side, but I couldn’t get a good look.”

“That is good enough,” Kolyat assured her.  Easing towards the door, he too glanced around the corner.  The shouts of voices could be heard mixed in with the gunfire and assorted other noises of battle around them.

Meanwhile, Shepard began fiddling with her omni-tool, trying to message Kaidan.  However, after repeated attempts, both verbally and written, she realized that nothing was getting through.  “Dammit,” she hissed, cringing back fully against the wall as one of the shots ricocheted just a little too close for comfort.

“What?” Shannon asked, reloading her weapon after expending a clip at the targets closest to her.  

“They’re jamming us,” Shepard explained.  “I can’t get a message out.”

Kolyat pulled back then, replacing the clip in his weapon as Shannon turned to fire.  They’d adopted an alternating rhythm to keep the line of fire as constant as possible.  Periodically, as they continued, Shannon would toss out a biotic move, adding just a bit more damage to their opponents.  And yet, they still seemed to be making slow yet steady progress towards the elevator.

“We’re running out of heat sinks,” Shannon murmured as she replaced the spent one in her pistol.

Shepard pulled two more from a pocket.  “Here,” she told the younger woman.  “But you’re right.  We need to get out of here -”

Shannon had just turned to begin firing again when she quickly threw out another biotic attack while pushing Shepard back into the corner.  “Grenades,” she hissed.  Kolyat pulled around in response and began firing as well.  Both ducked back inside just before an explosion outside of the door went off.  And just beyond the area, as the smoke cleared, they could hear one of the attackers shouting above all the others.  “The boss wants Shepard _alive_.  No more grenades!”

Shepard lifted her gaze to meet Shannon’s.  “Riiiight,” she murmured sarcastically.  “Shoot the elevator to bits to keep her alive.  Good plan.”  However, the look she exchanged with Kolyat and Shannon just then was a rather chilled one.  

Almost as if on cue, the weapons ceased firing, but that did little to reassure the three trapped inside the elevator.  Checking weapons, they prepared for a more up close and personal style of attack.  

One that never came.

It was several minutes before they realized what had happened, but in that time they had noted that not only had the shooting dropped off and eventually ceased, but so had the voices.  After several minutes, Shannon peeked around the edge of the door again.  “I’ll be … General, you _have_ to see this …,” she murmured, her tone one of amazement.  

Shepard shifted to her knees, leaning towards Shannon, peering around the woman’s shoulder.  “What is it?” she asked.  When her eyes fell upon the scene now playing out before them, Shepard actually began laughing.  “Why does this not surprise me in the least?” she asked as she struggled to her feet.  Shannon moved with her, offering her a shoulder to lean on for support.  

“Shepard?  Are you alright?” a familiar voice called out as it neared the elevator.  Even Kolyat recognized it now, though he still insisted on exiting the elevator before Shepard.  

“I’m fine, Miranda,” Shepard called, accepting Kolyat’s hand as he assisted her outside.  “Why is it you always seem to be saving my life?” she teased once she was free.  

Miranda chuckled.  “Actually, this time it wasn’t so much me as it was -”

“Hey, Shep.  I see you’re still having all the fun without me.”

Shepard’s eyes widened as she turned.  “Kasumi!”  Glancing back and forth between the two of them, and then out at the bodies of now subdued combatants surrounding the area, Shepard blinked.  “The two of you did this?  By yourselves?”

“Well,” a third voice piped up from the left, “I helped.  Some.  When Miri wasn’t being so bossy as to keep me out of things.”

Shepard knew without turning, and from the sigh of exasperation that crossed Miranda’s face briefly, just who the third person was.  “Oriana!  Good to see you’re keeping your sister in line.”

Oriana chuckled as she walked over.  “I’m doing what I can.”

“Look,” Miranda broke in, glancing quickly around the area, “this place will soon be swarming with C-Sec and others drawn in by the gunfire.  We should get out of here.  And,” she added, her tone turning more harsh, “we have a few things to discuss.”

Shepard nodded.  “We were on our way to meet Kaidan, Liara and Garrus at the embassies,” she explained.

“Then let’s get going,” Kasumi told her.  

With Shepard now surrounded by the rest, the group continued on.  The trip to the embassy wasn’t that far, and within minutes, they were entering the main reception area.  During this time, Miranda began explaining.  “We were nearby, you see.  Having lunch.  Ori and I had run into Kasumi by accident -”

“She was trying to pick my pocket,” Oriana interjected.  

“Nonsense!” Kasumi exclaimed.  “I was trying to make you more aware of your surroundings.  And I did.”

“And got a free lunch out of it!”

Miranda sighed.  “As I was saying,” she continued, “we were eating when Oriana overheard someone nearby use your name and the word ‘Messiah’ together in the same sentence.  We tried to find them without being too obvious about it, but we didn’t find them at first.”

Kasumi broke in again at this point.  “I even cloaked myself and wandered around, but nothing,” she explained.  “It was like they disappeared or something.”

“Or just got lucky,” Shepard murmured.

Miranda nodded.  “Oriana also heard them mention the embassies, and we figured that meant nothing good, so we started heading this way.  Good thing we did, too.”

“Your timing was quite good,” Kolyat agreed as they entered the office.  He held the door for the rest and once assured all were inside, closed and secured it.  No more chances would be taken today.

Miranda murmured something to Oriana who then moved to the nearby computer terminal and sat down.  Shepard glanced over at her friend who simply shrugged.  “Oriana can try to trace the call,” she explained.  “Find out who was involved.”

Shepard frowned.  “I thought you had to have a live call to do -”

“Shepard?”

The door to the inner office opened and she turned to find Liara and Kaidan joining them.  Both seemed surprised at the three additional members of the group.  Crossing the room, Kaidan asked quietly, “What’s going on?”

Shepard winced.  “There was an … incident,” she told him.  She saw his eyes widen a bit and she reached for his hand to give it a quick squeeze.  “We’re all okay.”

Kasumi had moved over to stand beside Oriana and was making some suggestions near the younger woman’s ear.  Liara, too, joined them.  Moments later, Garrus and Bailey entered the room.  “I just got word of an attack,” Bailey commented as he walked over to join them.  “You alright?”

Shepard nodded.  “It’s the same people as before,” she explained.

“Damn,” Bailey grumbled.  “Now they’re up here?  How’d they know you’d be here?”

Shepard shrugged but glanced over at Kaidan.  He shook his head.  “I don’t know.  This was sort of a last minute decision for us,” he explained.

“Okay, I’ve got it,” Oriana’s voice sang out.  Everyone in the room turned to face her.  

Kasumi was nodding, but Shepard was quick to notice that Liara looked uneasy.  “Liara?  What’s wrong?”

But the asari was looking hard at Kaidan.  “Remember my warning a while back?” she asked.

Shepard noticed Kaidan suddenly straighten.  “Yeah,” he returned.  

“It appears I was correct.”

Shepard looked between the two, back and forth.  “Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” she asked.

And then all hell nearly broke loose.  It began with the sounds of weapons being drawn and continued with louder protests.  Turning, Shepard found Miranda and Kasumi both pointing their pistols at ….

“Shannon?”  Shepard frowned.  “Okay, you are _all_ trying my patience now.  What the _fuck_ is going on here?”  It took a lot to get Shepard to a point where she’d lose her temper, but she was definitely feeling the strain just then.

It was Liara who reached out and placed a hand on Shepard’s shoulder, though her eyes met Miranda’s briefly before she began speaking.  “I think I know where this is headed,” she said quietly.  

“Shepard,” Oriana called over, “the call was traced to your Lieutenant’s omni-tool.  It was made a short while ago, just before you were attacked.”

“What?”  This time the cry came from Shannon who, despite having two pistols pointed at her was preparing to defend herself with her biotics.  Shepard could see the woman’s hand beginning to glow.  “I did no such thing!”

Liara faced her.  “Did you or did you not make a call using your omni-tool about ten minutes before you entered the elevators to the embassies?”

“I did, yes, but it wasn’t to … General, you _have_ to believe me!  It was a personal call!”

Liara shook her head.  “That’s just a little too convenient, don’t you think?” she asked.  “Keep in mind, you’ve been present for every single attack against Shepard by these people.  You had ample opportunity to contact and alert the group today.  You even -”

Shannon growled, evidence enough of her growing frustration.  “If I _am_ this … what?  Mole?  Is that what you think I am?  If that was my role, then how do you account for the numerous times I’ve helped to _save_ General Shepard?  Beginning back on the Citadel right after the attack, all the way up to now.  Plus, why wouldn’t I have taken any other opportunity to abduct or hurt her?  Or the baby?  You are making absolutely no sense!”

“Stop it!” Shepard broke in as she walked over and tried to get both Kasumi and Miranda to lower their weapons.  Neither one would, though.  “Dammit, this is ridiculous!  And Shannon’s right - she’s had more opportunities than you can account for and she’s done nothing to indicate she is on their side!”

Oriana spoke up again.  “General?  I was able to track part of the call.  I can play it back for you if you like.”

Shepard lifted a hand to press against the bridge of her nose.  “Fine.  But I’m telling you, Shannon isn’t involved in this.  I trust her.”  She gave everyone in the room a hard glare.  “With my life.”

The sound of a soft, partially whispered voice could be heard coming from the computer terminal.   _“I’m with Shepard.  We’ll meet you there in about ten minutes.”_  A short pause followed.   _“No, no one knows.”_

Shepard folded her arms across her chest and turned to face Miranda and Kasumi.  “Is that the voice you heard?”

“Hard to tell,” Kasumi told her.  “But the tracking program Oriana used is one I know, Shep.  It traced the call to your Shannon’s omni-tool.”

Shepard glanced over at Shannon who, she noted, looked a bit paler than before and seemed to be almost trembling.  “Talk to me, Shannon,” she urged.  “Is that the call you made?”

Reluctantly, Shannon nodded.  “It is … but I swear to you, Shepard, I wasn’t telling anyone to meet us to attack!”  Her eyes darted around the room to meet Kolyat’s, Shepard’s, even Kaidan’s before landing on the rest.  “That has been taken out of context!”

“I still say it’s evidence of a planned attack against you,” Miranda told Shepard.  

“Miranda, you weren’t here then, but Kai Leng managed to use a virus to manipulate the video cameras and security footage during the coup attempt.  We all know that’s possible.  Who is to say this didn’t happen here?”  Shepard was finding it increasingly difficult to come up with new arguments in support of Shannon, but she also had no doubts of the woman’s innocence.  

“I remember that,” Bailey interjected.  “It took us ages to get it all sorted and in the process any trace of his presence was wiped clean from the records.”  Crossing the room then, Bailey moved to stand beside Shepard before he turned to face Shepard.  “I agree with Shepard.  Shannon didn’t do this.”

Shepard was about to insist yet again that Miranda lower her weapon when she heard a soft, strangled noise come from Shannon.  Glancing over, she found the younger woman releasing the built up dark energy, allowing her biotic glow to disperse.  “How?” she whispered brokenly.  “How can you still believe in me?  After so long?”

At first, Shepard thought Shannon was speaking to her, but a quick glance at Bailey and she realized that she’d been mistaken.  Also, the look she found there suddenly triggered with something he’d said just a moment before.  “Wait … Shannon?” she echoed softly.  “Bailey, do you know her?”

Shannon took a step towards both Shepard and Bailey then, oblivious to Miranda’s gun as it kept her in her line of sight.  Stopping before the man, Shepard was startled to watch as he lifted a hand to Shannon’s cheek, brushing some of the loose hair away from her eyes.  It was a tender move, something one might expect of a lover or a ….  

“I should hope so, Shepard.  Shannon is my daughter,” Bailey replied.  “She and her brother Nicholas are my children.”

Shepard glanced at the Lieutenant in confusion.  “But … I thought your name was Duquesne?”

Bailey looked startled by that.  “Duquesne?” he breathed.  “You and Drew married?”

Shannon nodded.  “At the beginning of the war,” she told him quietly.  “I lost both him and Nick a few months later.”

Shepard suddenly felt all the pieces falling into place in her head then.  Turning towards Miranda, she waved her friend off.  “It’s not her,” she insisted.

“But … Shepard -”

“Shepard’s right,” Kaidan added, stepping towards Shepard and Miranda then.  “I’ll vouch for Shannon too.”

Shepard looked up at her husband.  “She was one of your students,” she breathed, another piece falling into place.  He nodded.  “Her, Nick and Drew,” Kaidan clarified.

Shepard turned back to face the father and daughter, now caught up in a tight embrace.  “That may be,” Miranda was saying, “but you can’t deny the evidence that points directly to her.”

Shepard sighed.  “And you can’t deny that anyone could have tampered with it to make it look like Shannon was behind it too,” she countered.  “We know Cerberus has done this in the past.  Hell, just recently they tried to do the same again with Aria T’Loak.  Why should we expect anything less from these people now?”

The argument was interrupted a moment later, though, as Shepard’s omni-tool alerted her to an incoming call.  Pressing the button, she, Kaidan and Miranda turned their attention to the image of Dr. Chakwas forming on her screen.  “Doctor?”  Now _this_ was a surprise.

“Shepard,” Chakwas’ voice greeted her.  “I need you to return to the _Normandy_ immediately.”

Shepard glanced over at Kaidan, but he shrugged.  Whatever was going on, he’d not yet been informed.  “Something wrong, doctor?”

“I don’t want to discuss this on an open frequency, General,” she insisted.  “But you and I … we need to talk.  The sooner the better.  I have some information that is vital for you and your child’s safety.”

Shepard nodded.  “Alright.  We’ll make our way back as soon as we can.”

“I’ll be in the med bay when you get here.”  A moment later, Chakwas signed off.

“Now what?” Shepard asked in a frustrated sigh while lowering her arm.  

Kaidan wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.  “We’ll get this sorted out,” he promised.  “But first we have to figure out how to get you safely back to the _Normandy_.”

“You know,” Garrus’s voice enjoined the conversation then, “I have an idea on that.”  Crossing the room, he glanced over at Shannon before turning to face Kaidan and Shepard.  “If you’re willing to play a little fast and loose ….”

Shepard met the turian’s gaze as she realized he already had a plan in  mind.  “Talk to me, Garrus,” she told him.  

“The way I see it, we’ve got two options, neither of which really is good.  If we go out in the open, return to the ship even with all of us together in a group like this, whoever has been left to ‘clean up’ or report back will see that Shepard is still alive and with us.”

Kaidan nodded.  “Agreed.”

“And, if we bring C-Sec into it, requesting _them_ to escort Shepard back to the ship, well, it’s essentially the same thing.  They see that their plan didn’t work and Shepard is still with us,” he continued.

“So, what you really need is some way to convince whoever’s after Shepard that the attack was successful … at least to some degree.  Right?” Bailey asked.  He still stood beside Shannon, arm around her, but it was clear he was thinking in line with Garrus.

“Exactly.”

“Well, why not do both then?” Bailey countered.  “Let them think they were successful on both counts.”

Shepard frowned.  “How do you mean?”

Bailey glanced down at Shannon who nodded and took a step back from him, straightening her shoulders.  “Use me as a distraction,” she suggested.  “Cuff me.  Bind me.  Whatever you need to do to make it look like you really believe I’m the guilty one.  That you think I’m involved.  Then take me back to the ship out in the open where they’ll no doubt see it.”

“Ohhh,” Kasumi hummed, eyes perking up just a bit.  “I think I see what you mean and I have to say, I like it.”  Walking over to Shepard, Kasumi reached out.  “Let me see your omni-tool for a minute.”  

Frowning, Shepard did so.  “What are you doing?”

“Tweaking your tactical cloak a bit.  I’ve got a code here that can make it last longer as well as hide you completely from any body scans that might accidentally give you away.”

Shepard blinked.  “You mean … you can hide all the life signs?” she asked.  Kasumi nodded.  Rolling her eyes, Shepard cuffed the thief lightly and groused good-naturedly, “So, why are you only telling me this _now_?”

Garrus nodded to the others, clearly liking what they had developed so far.  “By now, C-Sec should be on the scene.  I think we can convince them to play along by broadcasting an alert to the effect that Shepard was attacked and taken.  It should last long enough to give us time to get to the ship.  And while most of us head back, using Shannon as the bait, so to speak,” he glanced over to Shepard who smirked slightly, still amused that Joker’s protestations of over a year ago were coming back into conversation, “a couple of C-Sec officers can ‘escort’ a cloaked Shepard back using a different route.”

Bailey nodded.  “The old keeper tunnels and such should be good enough and were among some of the first areas cleared out so we’d have ways to reach all the parts of the wards.”

Shepard glanced over at Shannon first.  “Are you okay with this plan?” she asked.  She didn’t like the idea that Shannon would be considered guilty when Shepard knew that she wasn’t.  Shepard also knew it was going to take more evidence to convince her friends of that fact too.  

Shannon nodded immediately.  “General, whoever has done this to you is also framing me for it.  I’ll do whatever it takes to get the bastard.”

Shepard felt a smile pull at her lips then.  “Alright.”  Turning back to Kasumi, she asked, “Is it all set then?”

The thief nodded.  “Ready to go.  Just use it like you normally would and you should be fine.”

Turning to Garrus, Shepard nodded.  “Let’s make this happen then,” she told him.  It ended up taking about a half hour to organize, but once done they had several C-Sec officers lined up to assist.  Two would go with Shepard, using the keeper tunnels to get to the docking bays and the rest would assist the crew back to the _Normandy_ in plain sight.  It was also decided that the larger group would leave first and Shepard would leave fifteen minutes after that, just to stagger things enough so that if there was any suspicion, it might buy them enough time to disappear before Shepard actually was out and on her way.  

Just before it was time for her to leave, though, Shepard spoke with Bailey.  “I owe you,” she told him quietly.

He chuckled.  “Nah,” he countered.  “The way I figure, I owe you for saving my ass back when Cerberus tried their coup.  Call it even.”

She chuckled.  “That I can do,” she agreed.  And then, “Bailey, about Shannon ….”

He turned to face her.  “She’s a good kid, Shepard.  She didn’t have anything to do with this.  I know it.”

Shepard nodded.  “So do I,” she assured him.  “We’ll get that all sorted out.  I just wish you two could have had more time together.  I remember you telling me about not having seen them in so long.”

He shrugged.  “Yeah, it’s rough, but way I figure it - I’ve seen her, so I know she’s alive.  I’ve also heard a bit about what happened to her during that time.  We’ll catch up more later, is all.”

Shepard reached out to shake his hand.  “Thanks for your help, my friend.”  As she turned towards the doorway, engaging the tactical cloak with a press of a button on her omni-tool, she heard him reply, “Anytime, Shepard.”

  
  



	30. My Friend the Which Doctor

 

Cortez met up with Shepard as she entered the _Normandy’_ s shuttle bay and de-cloaked.  “Shepard,” he greeted her, guiding her quickly away from the open hatch where the last of supplies had just been loaded moments before her arrival.  Once safely inside, the door began closing.  “Glad to have you back in one piece.”

Shepard chuckled softly as they headed towards the elevator.  “Yeah.  Me too, Steve.  You know what’s going on?”

He nodded.  “Yeah.  The Major messaged me on his way back to the ship, told me to keep an eye out for you.”  He grinned over at her.  “Such as I could,” he teased.

Shepard grinned back.  “Uh huh.”

As they awaited the arrival of the elevator, Shepard noticed that Steve had armed himself with a pistol.  Arching her brow at him, he shrugged a bit sheepishly.  “Can’t be too careful, right?” he asked.

“Right,” she agreed with a smile, though she couldn’t help but wonder if, during their shore leave encounter the year before, he’d gotten just enough taste of being one of the ground team members that he’d take any given opportunity to do so.  He’d certainly worked well with the others at the time, and Shepard had been more than thankful to have him as a part of the team.  Right now, it was a relief to know he was prepared.  

The elevator arrived then and Shepard could not fail to notice how Steve kept himself between her and the door, just to be safe.  The door opened, allowing both Garrus and Kaidan to exit, indicating that the distraction team had arrived back to the ship safely.  Walking around Steve, Shepard moved over to hug her husband.  “No problems?”

It was Garrus who replied.  “None at all.  Shannon played her part nicely, too,” he added.  When Shepard gave him a quizzical look, he continued, “She put up a bit of a fuss.  Enough so that I ‘roughed her up’ a bit.”

Shepard’s eyes widened.  “You didn’t hurt her, did you?” she asked.  She was only slightly distracted as Kaidan took her hand and tugged her into the elevator, Garrus following behind.  Steve remained in the shuttle bay, offering a quick wave before turning back to his duties.

“Not too badly,” the turian replied.  “Trust me, the scratch wasn’t intentional, and once we were aboard and Dr. Chakwas saw to her, she was fine.”

“Garrus ….”  

“Shepard,” Kaidan intervened, “Shannon is fine.  At the moment, she’s being kept in the Observation Lounge under guard.”

“Wait … what?”  She turned to face him.  “But, she’s innocent -”

“Think about it, Shepard,” Garrus reminded her.  “We have a mole on board the ship.  Someone who reports to these bastards.  If they were to see who we’re claiming is the culprit free to move about ….”

Shepard nodded, sighing softly as she pressed two fingers to the bridge of her nose.  “No, no … you’re right.  Of course, you’re right.  I just ….”  She sighed again.  “This whole thing is getting to me, I think.”

Kaidan wrapped his arms around her for a moment.  “We’ll get it sorted out,” he promised, releasing her just as the elevator came to a stop.  “Now cloak yourself again until we get inside the medical bay.”  She was already moving to do so as he asked.

When they arrived at the med bay, Shepard was quick to note even from her cloaked form, that the blinds on the windows were drawn.  Kaidan led the way inside, but Garrus remained outside.  The last she saw of him before entering, Shepard recognized his ‘battle ready’ stance and look on his face.  It was both a relief and disheartening at the same time.   _Why must we have to defend ourselves on board our own ship?_ she wondered.

Turning, Shepard decloaked herself as she realized the only other person inside the room was Chakwas.  “Doctor.  You said it was important?”

The doctor nodded.  “Indeed it is,” she confirmed, gesturing towards one of the examination tables nearby that had also been blocked off by screens.  “Kaidan, you come over too.  Should anyone get past Garrus and enter without permission, they might believe it is you I’m giving an examination.”

Kaidan nodded and followed over, offering Shepard assistance up onto the table.  Once she’d settled, the doctor pulled out her omni-tool and began running several scans.  “I apologize for the mysterious nature of my request, Shepard,” she explained as she worked, “but something you said at your last exam has been eating away at me.  It wasn’t until yesterday that it finally occurred to me why.  I did some research, and I’ve come to a rather … uncomfortable conclusion.”

Shepard remained still upon the table, eyes on Chakwas’ face as she spoke.   She tried to fight back uneasiness at the vagueness of the doctor’s responses, but it was difficult.  Kaidan, too, must have realized it because as he stood beside her, he slipped his hand around hers and squeezed.  “And that conclusion is?”

The doctor remained silent for a moment as she switched programs on her omni-tool.  “Before I get into that, and I will walk you through my entire thought process, Shepard, so you can see how I arrived there, there is something I want you to hear this first.”  

A moment later, a rapid thrumming sound could be heard coming from the doctor’s omni-tool.  Shepard frowned slightly, glancing up at Kaidan who shrugged his shoulders.  It didn’t sound mechanical, though there was a definite steady rhythm to it.  The doctor smiled at them both and turned her ‘tool so they both could see the readings.  “That, my friends, is the sound of your child’s heartbeat.  I wanted you to hear that before I tell you what I’ve found out.  I wanted you to know that above all else, your child is well.”

Shepard began to nod, an automatic reaction of sorts, as she began to sit up, but she wasn’t even halfway upright when the significance of the doctor’s words hit her.  “‘Above all else...’” Shepard breathed.  Eyes darting to the doctor’s, she heard a tremble in her own voice as she asked, “Is … is there a reason we might think otherwise?”  She felt Kaidan’s hand tighten around hers again at her question.  

The doctor reached over and adjusted the tilt of the bed so that Shepard could sit up more, but the sound of the door opening had them all freezing their positions for a moment.  “Liara,” Kaidan told them seconds later.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” the asari told them as she approached, “but I wanted to let you know.  Both Samantha and I are running extensive checks on Shannon at the moment.”

Shepard sighed and laid back.  “Liara, I’m telling you -”

“Shepard, everything out there suggests that she is the party responsible,” Liara reminded her.  

“And we all know that information could have been manipulated!” Shepard countered.  

“Shannon went through an extensive background check when she was brought into the Spec Ops program,” Kaidan reminded Liara.  “And that’s in addition to normal Alliance background checks.  I have no doubts about her loyalties.”

“And those couldn’t have changed over the years?  Are you willing to test that by allowing her to remain around your wife and child?” Liara demanded.

“Yes!”  Both Shepard and Kaidan replied at the same time.  

There was a buzzing at Liara’s omni-tool, and when she pressed the button, an image of Samantha came up on the monitor.  Stepping around the bed, Liara turned so that Shepard and Kaidan could both watch with her.  “Did you find something, Samantha?” Liara asked.

“I did,” the comm specialist announced, “and it’s just as damning as the rest.”

Shepard sighed.  “What is it?” she asked.  

“I’ve come across a large account in her name,” Samantha explained.  “Very large.  Certainly larger than anyone of her rank and experience should have, especially given her family background, both parental and married.”

Liara nodded.  “And I’ve been able to track down some messages sent to her that strongly suggest she has been a part of this process, working for these people, since the very beginning.”

Eyes closed, Shepard covered them with her forearm for the moment as she considered this.  “Traynor,” she finally managed after a long pause, “backtrack the history of the account.  When was it created?  Who all is connected with it?”  Lowering her arm again, she glanced over at Liara.  “Do the same with her messages.  Find out when they were sent - not just the date of the message, that’s obvious, but deeper.  I fully believe she’s being set up here and I want to know who is behind it!”

The weight of a hand at her shoulder had Shepard glancing up towards the doctor.  “Calm down, Shepard,” she urged quietly.  

Shepard sighed again, but nodded.  “General,” Samantha broke in, “I’m not sure I can do that without alerting someone at the other end -”

“Whatever it takes, Traynor,” Shepard ordered.  “Invoke Admiral Hackett’s name if you must, but I want it investigated thoroughly.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Liara sighed.  “You aren’t going to give this up, are you?” she asked.

Shepard shook her head.  “Not when I think she’s being set up, no.  It just doesn’t make sense, Liara.”

“And all this ‘evidence’?”

Shepard sat forward and gave her friend a long look.  “I would do the same for any of you if you were the targets, and you know it.  I can’t do any less for her, especially when I don’t believe it in the first place.”

This time it was Liara who sighed.  “Okay, fine.  I will go see what I can find.  But you know as well as I do that if they have indeed covered their tracks ….”

“I think I might be able to provide you with some irrefutable information that will put an end to this inquiry once and for all,” Dr. Chakwas interrupted while glancing between Liara and Shepard.  

Shepard met Liara’s look and nodded.  “Alright, doctor, I think it’s safe to say you have our full attentions now.  Go ahead.”

“As I started to say earlier, there was something you mentioned during your last exam that bothered me … but I couldn’t quite figure out what it was.  Until yesterday.”

“And that was?” Shepard asked as she tried to recall the details of her last visit.

Chakwas smiled.  “I finally realized that it was the mention of that confection you liked.  The one you said was from Thessia.”

Liara frowned.  “What is this?” she asked, looking over at Shepard.

Shepard shrugged.  “Something I picked up on the Citadel that first visit we made.  It’s sweet, sort of like maple candy on Earth.  I have no idea what it’s called, though.”

Liara’s frown deepened and there was a hint of concern there now too.  “Sort of a soft, stretchy like substance?” she asked.  

Shepard’s eyes brightened.  “Yes … like taffy almost,” she added.  

Liara’s eyes shifted towards the doctor.  “ _Dirable,_ ” she murmured.  “It’s called _dirable_ and Shepard is right … it is from Thessia.”

Chakwas nodded solemnly.  “I suspected as much.”

“From Thessia?”  

The three women turned to look at Kaidan then who had, to that point, been rather quiet.  But now, his brows were knitted together in a frown.  Shepard nodded.  “Why?  What’s wrong with that?”

“Think about it, Shepard,” he said quietly.  “What is the one thing that everything from Thessia has in common?”

Shepard frowned.  She knew little about Liara’s homeworld, though she’d visited it the one time during the war.  Granted, that experience hadn’t gone exactly to plan ….  

“Eezo,” Liara murmured, eyes closing.  “There is such a huge supply of eezo on the planet, it’s everywhere … in the water, the soil ….  The asari have adapted to it, of course, and it is why we are all born with our natural -”

Shepard paled and bolted upright.  “No!” she breathed, the first edges of panic beginning to creep in as realization hit like a slap to the face.  “No, no, no, no!”

Kaidan caught her hands as the dropped to wrap around her swollen belly.  “Shepard, don’t,” he urged gently.

“But … you’re saying that I could have harmed the baby by eating something that had eezo in it, aren’t you?” she asked.

“Actually,” Chakwas broke in, her own hand extending to squeeze Shepard’s shoulder reassuringly, “I believe your exposure came much earlier.  If I recall your words correctly, Shepard, you said that this _dirable_ appeared to be something that you, and by extension the child, liked.”

“I ….”  Shepard lifted a hand and ran it through her hair, a habit she had when trying to focus in on some particular thought or memory.  “Yes … I didn’t have any negative reaction to it that I could tell,” she added.  Then she frowned.  “Which is odd considering I’m not biotic.  But … okay, if that was the case … and you think I was exposed earlier … when?”  

Sighing, Chakwas suggested, “I think I need to backtrack and start at the beginning for this all to make sense.  So if you’ll please bear with me, I will explain.”  Three heads nodded in agreement.

Crossing the room, the doctor grabbed a datapad from her desk and returned to join them.  “So, the other day Shepard made this admission and my brain began chewing on it.  It took several days before it suddenly dawned on me, as I told you.  Since that point, I’ve been going back and doing some checking.  I’ve gone through all of your medical reports, including ones that were brought on board as reference from your time on Earth.  I wanted to see if there was anything in them, anything at all that might indicate a reason for this … connection, if you will.”

Handing the datapad over to Shepard, Chakwas stood to her left, Kaidan to Shepard’s right and Liara next to him as she began pointing out her notes.  “The thing is … I found absolutely no reason to suggest a connection in the reports,” the doctor continued.  “I started back from the first examination after your body was retrieved, Shepard, and I’ve combed through everything here since … and nothing.  No reason to suggest a biotic connection.”

“But why would Shepard suddenly start craving some eezo-heavy food item then?” Liara asked.  “If anything, I would think it would at the very least make her ill.”

Chakwas nodded.  “I would have thought so too, so I did a little further research via the extranet which ultimately led me to ask you to return today when I did.”  Setting the datapad aside, the doctor faced Shepard and told her, “Shepard, you were exposed to element zero some months ago.  The child you carry has -”

“But … I wasn’t!” she insisted.  “I haven’t been … at least, not since the war and ….”

“The Crucible.”  

Shepard turned to face Kaidan, saw the paleness of his features as horrific realization came to her then too.  Being exposed to trace amounts of element zero while pregnant could be an iffy thing.  Some children survived, others didn’t or developed tumors … but that was just with ‘slight’ exposure.  If she’d been exposed by the Crucible when it fired, the amount of eezo used for that project ….  “Oh my god,” she breathed.

“Now, Shepard,” Chakwas broke in, her tone all reassurance and comfort, “remember what I told you earlier?”

“But, Karin, if I was exposed by the Crucible -”

“Shepard, calm down,” the doctor urged.  “What I can tell you is this: your child has an extraordinary number of eezo nodules, the sure indicator that it will be a biotic, right?  I would assume,” she glanced over at Kaidan as she continued, “though there are still many theories out there as the first groups of human biotics are just getting into their reproductive years, that Kaidan’s genetic disposition may have played a part in this as well.  However, when combined with the quantity of eezo that you would have been exposed to on the Crucible -”

Shepard drew her legs up as close as she could before wrapping her arms around them, her forehead dropping to her arms.  Panic was setting in.  Panic mixed with dismay and ….

The child within her suddenly rolled, whether sensing her distress or not appreciating Shepard’s current curled up, self-protective position, Shepard wasn’t certain.   _Oh, Little Bug_ , she mentally told the child, _in my ignorance, what have I done to you?_  The child rolled again, and Shepard’s hand dropped to press against it.  Another movement pressed back against her hand, and Shepard almost felt as if the child was attempting to communicate with her.  It was a sobering thought, if somewhat unrealistic.  At the same time she felt the first tears begin to roll down her cheeks, Shepard also felt Kaidan’s arms wrap around her, pulling her tight against him.  She couldn’t help but wonder what he must be thinking.

“Shepard,” there was now a hint of amusement in the doctor’s tone as well as concern, “the child is alright.  You heard that for yourself just moments ago.  I am detecting no signs of tumors, no signs of any fetal distress whatsoever … no signs of anything out of the ordinary except -”

“Except?”  Shepard’s breath was half hiccup and half panic.  “Doctor, I of all people know just how much eezo was used in the Crucible project - I was the one who delivered it all to them!”

“ _Except,_ ” the doctor continued, retrieving an earlier scan and displaying it on her omni-tool, “that she - and yes, you were correct in guessing the gender of your child - she is basically going to be the equivalent of a natural human biotic.”

“But, that’s not possible,” Kaidan murmured, his fingers tracing over familiar, if considerably higher than his own, readings on the doctor’s display.

Liara nodded her agreement.  “There have never been any cases of any races outside of the asari who have had such strong abilities that they can utilize biotics without use of any sort of implant or amplifier.”  She met the doctor’s gaze.  “That and the fact that it took centuries before the asari were even able to adapt to this condition.”

“Be that as it may,” the doctor replied, “this is exactly what the data is showing.  Time will only tell if it holds true, but I would suggest that the strength of the nodes I’m seeing are nearly equal to that of an asari.”  Closing down her display, the doctor turned to face them again.  “I’m not saying that it won’t change over time, by any means, nor am I suggesting that other factors might not play into it at some point in the developmental process, but all the evidence as of this moment suggests that your child will be a biotic of a level unseen before in human genetics.  Between Kaidan’s genetics and the eezo exposure, hell for that matter it could also have something to do with what Cerberus did when bringing you back, Shepard.  Whatever is involved, this child is … different.”

During the few minutes of silence that followed, Shepard turned towards Kaidan and moved to stand.  “I need to walk for a bit,” she murmured when he attempted to guide her back onto the table.  She remained in the room, even staying in the back half of the med bay close to where she could duck behind a curtain if the door should suddenly open, but at the moment, she needed the space to walk around … and think.

A few minutes later, it was Kaidan who spoke up and his words brought them all back to the center of the room.  “Why is it that we’re just finding this out now, then?” he asked.  

Dr. Chakwas nodded.  “Good.  I’m glad I’m not the only one to notice that,” she announced.  

Shepard felt another wave of panic hit, and this time, her vision blurred.  Still towards the back of the room, she reached out towards one of the other gurneys.  “You,” she breathed, her hand making contact and grasping onto the edge in an effort to help her keep balance, “you’re suggesting it was _kept_ from me?  Intentionally?”

Kaidan walked over to her, noticing the awkwardness of her movements.  “You okay?” he asked.

Shepard nodded, but Chakwas apparently heard the exchange and followed.  Omni-tool out quickly, she ran another scan, making several passes over her patient.  “Well, now … this is interesting.”

Shepard groaned and leaned into Kaidan.  She wasn’t feeling up to anymore surprises today, and from the doctor’s comment, she could tell that there was about to be a revelation of some sort.  “What?” she asked.

“I do believe, Shepard, that your child is attempting to … well, protect itself.”  Chakwas turned and showed Kaidan the readings.  Liara moved over to look as well.  “If I’m interpreting this information correctly, she attempted to form a barrier.”

“But … how can she?” Shepard asked.  “She’s still inside of me!”

“It would certainly seem to back up your theory, doctor,” Liara murmured.  

“That it would.”

“But why would she try that?” Liara mused.

Shepard snorted, a bit of her old, sassy self returning for the moment.  “Oh, I don’t know … the idea that I’m carrying a naturally biotic human, something never seen before, and that I’ve been lied to all these months is maybe enough to make me panic?”

Kaidan chuckled and tightened his hold around her.  “The indomitable Commander-now-General Shepard?” he teased.  “Panicky?  Sounds rather improbable to me.”

Shepard glared up at him and threw an elbow into his stomach which he took with exceptionally good grace.  “Hush, you!”

“So,” Liara continued, though she had a soft smile on her lips as she realized that Shepard would be okay if she was reacting to her husband’s teasing in such a manner, “what you’re saying is that Dr. Michel purposely did not tell Shepard that the child was biotic.”

Chakwas nodded.  “Yes.  As much as I hate to say it, as much as I hate to _think_ it, that is the only conclusion I can come to.  There is no way she could not have come across this in her exams over these past seven months.”

“But why?”

Shepard’s question hung in the air around them.  Finally, the doctor spoke again.  “I wish I could offer you a suggestion to that end, but you have others in your group who tend to think along more investigative lines.  I can only take you where the medical information takes me.”

Liara nodded.  “I think we need to call a meeting,” she suggested.  “Garrus needs to be brought up to speed, and he might even be able to reach someone at C-Sec who could assist with researching the doctor’s background activities.”

“Call him in now,” Kaidan told her.  Turning to the doctor, he added, “We’ll brief him here, that way if he has any questions for you specifically, you can answer them.  In the meantime,” he turned towards Shepard, “how are you holding up?”

Shepard’s eyes drifted closed for a long minute.  “I don’t know,” she replied honestly.  “All of this is just so … overwhelming.”

“Shepard, keep in mind, every scan I’ve done indicates your child is fine.  Please, do not worry over that,” Chakwas reminded her.  

Shepard glanced over at the doctor and nodded.  “I know, Karin, and I do thank you for that.  Really, I do.  I just ….”

Kaidan’s arms tightened around her shoulders as he leaned over to whisper just for her to hear, “We are in this together, no matter what happens.  Remember that, okay?”

Shepard finally felt a smile pull at her lips as she nodded.  “I’ll try.”

Garrus’ arrival brought the group back to focus, and this time through Shepard attempted to just stand back and listen as things were gone over.  This time, she was listening for bits and/or pieces that she might have missed the first time due to the shock of it all.   But again, it all wound up centered on one irrefutable fact:  Dr. Michel had chosen not to tell Shepard of her condition.  

“I hate to say it,” Garrus told them after the summary of information had been presented, “but I think we now know why Cerberus, or whoever they are, are after you.”

“The child?” Shepard replied.

He nodded.  “We’ve seen them pervert science in many different ways over the years,” he reminded them.  “Word of this reaching them?  Well, if they had the child, spirits knows what they could do with it.  Clone it?  We’ve seen that happen.  Enhance her abilities?  Well, we all saw what they did with Jack.  Turn her into a weapon for their own devices?  Wasn’t that what they were trying to do with you?”

Shepard shuddered uncontrollably, but nodded.  Kaidan stood beside her still, arm around her and it was this touch that kept her from bolting from the room, screaming.  “And for them to find out …”

Chakwas sighed.  “Chloe would have had to tell them.  I think it is quite clear by her earlier reports that she kept your condition private.  The only way they could have found out was for her to have told them.”

“But why?” Shepard asked.  “Oh, I know it doesn’t really matter, I suppose … at least we know who the mole is now, right?  But I just don’t understand ….”

“Well, I will admit, there are more questions I would like answers to,” Garrus replied.  “And, if we’re lucky, we might be able to … what was it you called it before?  ‘Kill two birds with one stone?’”  

Shepard nodded.  “What do you have in mind?”

“Do we know where Dr. Michel is at the moment?” Garrus asked.  

Liara shook her head.  “I wasn’t even aware that she’d left the ship, but we’ve not found her since our return,” she answered.

Garrus lifted his omni-tool and sent a quick message.  “I would suggest that we try to return things to a state where it seems as if we still believe Shannon is the guilty party.  It’s clear now that she isn’t,” he glanced around and even found Liara reluctantly nodding, “but she was willing to play along before, there’s no reason to think she won’t now.  Shepard, I’d suggest for the moment you and Kaidan head to your cabin.  Out of sight, out of mind.”

Shepard smirked.  “You’ve picked up way too many of our human idiomatic expressions, my friend,” she teased.

“Heh.  We can discuss that later,” he tossed back.  “Doctor, can we make it look as if no one’s been in here?”

“Absolutely,” Chakwas replied while gathering together her Shepard-specific research and locking it into a desk drawer before turning towards the rest of the room.  

“Liara, I think …. hang on.”  There was a soft buzz as Garrus’ omni-tool vibrated, and he turned to read the message.  “Ah, good.  The doctor is on her way back to the ship.  She should be arriving in ten or fifteen minutes according to my contact.”  Turning to Shepard, he placed a hand on her shoulder.  “Go on up to the cabin, Shepard.  One of us will come up when the time is right.”

Shepard frowned at him.  “I want to be a part of the questioning,” she announced.  

Garrus nodded.  “I know, and I have an idea for that.  But for now, let’s get you up there so Dr. Michel doesn’t see you when she returns.  Okay?”

Kaidan nudged her towards the doorway.  “Come on, Shepard.  Trust them.”

Shepard glanced over at Garrus, Liara and Chakwas.  “I do,” she told them.  “With my life.”  Only then did she allow Kaidan to escort her out of the med bay and to their cabin.

  



	31. Truth Will Out

 

The wait in their cabin seemed to be taking forever, Shepard thought.  Just how long was she expected sit there and watch the lazily swimming fish make their rounds of the over-sized tank?  Even a face-to-fin confrontation between the eel and the jellyfish would be welcome at this point, if only to break the tension!  Though she could admit that sitting at her desk, body turned to face the tank while watching said fish did help some (Chakwas would be insufferable if Shepard admitted this openly, however), the overwhelming sense of betrayal she felt continued to flare and grow and fester inside of her.  But, what else was she supposed to do?

_A natural human biotic!?_  Shepard’s eyes closed for a moment, a mixture of concern and anguish washing through her.   _What have I done to you, Little Bug?  Have I completely messed things up?  Did I endanger you in the process?  Have I -_

“Hey.”

Shepard’s attention was caught as Kaidan called to her from the lower section of the cabin.  Leaning around the corner, their eyes met around the edge of the wall.  She saw commiseration there, compassion, but most of all love and understanding, and despite all the anger and worry that she was battling at the moment, she managed a half-hearted smile.  He never failed to help her through the tough times (Horizon notwithstanding).  And in this case, he was as invested in this as she was in the outcome.  “Hey.  I’m … okay,” she mumbled, hands in her lap wringing together in movements counter to her words.  

He climbed the steps and moved over to stand before her, hands reaching for hers, pulling her to her feet beside him.  “You will be,” he promised, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close.  “Both of you.  We’ll make sure of that.”

Shepard sighed and coughed, an attempt to choke back tears that threatened again.  “Kaidan,” she whispered, arms sliding around his waist, hands tightening around him as another wave of panic hit, “what if -”

“Don’t,” he told her firmly.  Pulling back, he lifted his hands to frame her face.  “Don’t be borrowing trouble, Shepard.  Dr. Chakwas insists that all is fine, then all is fine.  One step at a time, okay?”

Shepard stared up into his eyes for a long moment, finally, reluctantly, nodding.  “One step at a time … right.”

A knock came at the door then, and Shepard stepped away from him, ducking inside the small bathroom to stay out of sight.  Just in case.  “Come in,” Kaidan called, turning to greet the visitor, and when Shepard saw him relax, she stepped out to join him.  

It was Liara.  “I have some information you should see,” she told them, handing over a datapad.  “I asked Samantha to assist me in tracking Dr. Michel’s movements as far as we know them since she’d joined us aboard ship.”

Shepard felt another sharp twinge as betrayal sliced through her.  “What did you find out?” Kaidan asked for her.

“Once our party boarded the Citadel today, she waited about fifteen minutes before leaving the ship.  I asked Samantha to see if she could track down a specific reason for this,” Liara continued, “and she discovered something more.  Ultimately, Samantha ended up having to drop Admiral Hackett’s name in order to gain access to Citadel sources.”

Shepard sighed.  Dammit!  How could she have misplaced her trust so easily?  Even Admiral Hackett had put his faith in the woman!  “Do I even want to know?” she asked tiredly.

“Shepard,” Liara said gently, “none of us wants to believe this.”

“I know, I know.”  Shepard sighed.  “Okay, hit me with it.”  She leaned into Kaidan’s side as he slid an arm around her waist then.  She had a sneaking suspicion she was going to need all the support - both physical and emotional - that she could get right now.

Liara pointed at the running list of information Kaidan held.  “Beginning back around the time we docked at the Citadel that first time,” she told them, “the doctor has been receiving messages.  Samantha thinks it could be back further than that, but she’s still checking.  Anyway, it appears that she was given an account accessible on the Citadel and eventually via her omni-tool which allowed her to bypass the _Normandy_ ’s communications systems altogether.  Messages were coded -”

Shepard frowned as she noticed some of them transcribed onto the datapad.  “Apparently, not very well,” she murmured.

Liara nodded.  “Exactly.  Plus there are some voice chats, too.  Gaining access to those records I believe was where Admiral Hackett’s name came in.”

Kaidan scrolled down the listing, pausing long enough for Shepard to scan it with him before moving on.  “All this looks to be is general information,” he observed.  “Nothing out of the ordinary.”

Shepard frowned.  “Wait,” she told him, reaching out to stop him from scrolling again, finger tracing the lines she was reading.   _Shepard and child are in good health.  All signs indicate full adaptation.  Stress levels from anticipated visit to Omega in acceptable range._  “She told them where we were going.”

Kaidan’s brow furrowed Shepard noticed but Liara’s only reaction was to nod.  “Wasn’t that also where your contact added some information to what she’d intended to give you?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Kaidan replied.  He scrolled through the rest of the information after that much more quickly.  “Damn ….”

When he handed the datapad to her, Shepard took it.  She hadn’t been able to follow as closely in the latter part of his search, but she could follow up later if necessary.  “So, what -”

The sound of another knock at the door had Shepard retreating silently into the bathroom again.  However, the moment the door opened and Garrus’ voice began to rumble through the room, she returned.  She found him handing a datapad to Liara.  “What have you found out?” she asked him.

Garrus sighed.  “Well, so far there aren’t any leads as to where the doctor went once aboard the Citadel,” he explained.  “However, one of my contacts at C-Sec told me that she was observed by one of their officers having a rather ‘hushed and intense’ conversation with two other individuals while eating at a restaurant near the Presidium.  The only reason this officer noticed her was because of a scuffle between a volus and a turian in the same area that resulted in C-Sec being called in.  He recognized her from her time aboard the Citadel when she ran her clinic here several years ago.”

“How convenient,” Shepard replied.

“Heh.  Well, from everything they were able to determine, the scuffle had nothing to do with her or the attack on you.  Just coincidence,” Garrus informed her.

“Hmmm.”  

Garrus, Shepard and Kaidan all turned towards Liara then.  “What is it?” Shepard asked.

“Samantha has found evidence that the doctor has been receiving regular credit deposits on a steady basis over the past six months,” Liara explained.  “These are substantially larger than her usual salary, too.”

As Liara continued on, Garrus and Kaidan interrupting only with questions for clarification, Shepard continued to listen.  But mostly, she was thinking.  For the moment, she forced aside her personal feelings, focusing on the bigger picture as  much as possible.  They had enough evidence against the doctor to have her removed from the ship and transported to an Alliance detention facility, but was that the right solution?  She wasn’t ‘dangerous’ per se, but she had committed a crime.  Treason, even.  

“Where is the doctor right now?” Shepard asked, actively pulling herself back into the conversation.  

Garrus turned towards her.  “She boarded about ten minutes ago and went to the med bay.  From everything I or Dr. Chakwas have observed, she is acting as if things are normal.”

Shepard thought about that for a moment.  “How are you getting your information?”

Garrus chuckled.  “Dr. Chakwas is messaging me periodically.  Dr. Michel has been playing it low key since her return, from what I gather.”

Shepard managed a tight smile, but she felt the stirrings of an idea beginning to form.  That in itself was good - having something constructive to focus on would keep her mind off the other less than pleasant aspects of their current situation.  

“Uh oh.”

Shepard blinked and glanced back at Garrus.  “What?”

He chuckled softly.  “That look on your face.  I’d recognize it anywhere,” he informed her in a mild tone.  

Shepard looked over at Kaidan and saw him nod in agreement.  “What?” she returned, only slightly defensive now.

Kaidan’s laugh was reassuring though.  “I think what Garrus means is you’re up to something.  You’re wearing your ‘I’m Commander Fucking Shepard’ look.”

Shepard actually laughed at that.  “Seriously?” she countered.  “You all can read me by my looks now?”

“Years of practice, Shepard,” Liara assured her.  

Sighing, Shepard took that brief moment to give silent thanks for her friends.  How she would have made it this far without them, she had no idea.  “Well,” she finally continued, “as it happens, I do have a plan.”

“Good,” Garrus echoed.  

“Which is?” Liara asked.

Nodding at Garrus, Shepard told him, “Bring Dr. Michel up to the conference room under the guise of Kaidan informing her of my kidnapping.”

Kaidan’s eyes narrowed a bit.  Arms folding across his chest, he asked, “Why am I already not liking this plan?”

Shepard ignored him for the moment.  “Liara, I want you to go get Shannon and bring her up here after Dr. Michel is cleared off the crew deck.”  Liara remained silent, but Shepard could see something was troubling her.  “What?”

Sighing, Liara explained, “Look, Shepard, I know that you think Shannon is in the clear now, but what is the one thing that she and the doctor have in common?”

“No.  Shannon _is_ clear, Liara.  Isn’t the proof we have enough for you?” Shepard challenged.

Kaidan shook his head.  “As far as I’m concerned, Shannon is exonerated, and she has just as much right to help in this as any of us.  They were trying to frame her, remember.”

Garrus nodded and looked over at Liara.  “I agree,” he said quietly.  

Another sigh.  “Okay, fine,” Liara gave in.  “So I get her and bring her back … then what?”

Shepard gave Kaidan a quick glance.  “Then you, Shannon and I go down to the conference room and -”

“Wait,” Kaidan broke in.  “I thought the whole point of this was to have her believe that you’d been kidnapped?”

Shepard smiled.  “Oh, it is.  I’ll be cloaked.”

“And once we’re all in there?” Liara asked.

“Then we get the truth,” Shepard told her, her voice hardening with anger.  “We need more information.  Why, when, where, how, those sorts of things.”  Another glance over at Garrus.  “I think your C-Sec training might be of some use here, Officer Vakarian,” she told him.

Garrus chuckled.  “And here I thought I’d get to play ‘bad cop,’” he quipped.  “But, yeah.  I see what you’re after, Shepard.”  He gave her a long look.  “We’ll find out all we can, I promise.”

Shepard nodded.  “Thanks.”  As Garrus turned to leave though, Shepard called out, “Oh, and Garrus?”

He looked back over his shoulder at her from the doorway.  “Hmm?”

“Be subtle.”

His snicker echoed softly around them.  “As only turians can be, Shepard,” he promised.

After he’d gone, Kaidan turned to face her, concern clear on his face.  “I’m assuming protesting your presence would do no good at this point?”

Shepard reached out to take his hand in hers and squeezed it.  “Nope.  Absolutely no good at all,” she replied softly.  “Not even worth the air you’d spend to do so.”

Sighing, he nodded … but he squeezed her hand back just the same.  “That’s what I figured.  Alright.  I’ll head down to the conference room.”  He took a step towards her first, placing a soft kiss on her lips.  “Just … be careful, okay?”

Shepard nodded, but smiled.  “Of course.”

“I’ll go with you,” Liara called after he’d turned to leave.  Facing Shepard for one last moment, she promised, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Shepard nodded.  “And, Liara?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

The asari’s smile assured Shepard that she understood the depth of meaning.  “You’ve been there for me, Shepard,” she said softly, “how can I not be for you.  I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Alone in the cabin, Shepard took a long moment to stretch, hoping to work out the knots and kinks that had tightened in her neck and shoulders since this entire thing had started earlier that day.  Next, she went to splash some water on her face in the hopes that it would help, as well.  

_How did it come to this?_ she wondered silently as she stared at her reflection in the mirror.   _What could possibly have driven Dr. Michel to do something like this?_  Memories of their first meeting, so long ago, came back to haunt for just a moment.  Her, Kaidan and Ashley entering the medical clinic, finding Garrus there … and Fist’s thugs.  Seeing Garrus make that exceptional shot without harming Dr. Michel.  And later, during the war, having the doctor at Huerta when Kaidan needed her most ….  Bracing herself against the sink, Shepard searched the reflection of the face in front of her.   _When did it all go so wrong?  Why?_  

The child within rolled gently then, catching her mother’s attention and pulling her from her thoughts.  Chuckling softly as her hands moved to react, she asked, “What are you trying to tell me, Little Bug?  Hmm?”  

A knock at the door followed by the whooshing sound of it opening preceded Liara’s voice.  “Shepard?  We’re here.”

Stepping back out into the cabin, Shepard turned to find Liara and Shannon waiting beside the fish tank.  Smiling reassuringly at Shannon, Shepard asked, “Did Liara explain what was happening?”

Shannon nodded and Shepard was not surprised to see a flare of anger behind her eyes.  “I am to still pretend I’m being blamed then?” she asked.

Shepard nodded.  “For now, yes.  Our goal is to get as much information as possible.  I doubt she has anything that might be a lead for us, but we have to be certain.”  Shepard eyed her closely.  “Can you do that for a while longer?”

Shannon scowled fiercely, but her response was emphatic.  “I can do it for however long you need me to if it means I’ll get my name cleared.”

Shepard grinned and chuckled softly.  “That it will, Lieutenant,” she assured her, “and I will lead the charge, if necessary.”  

There was a soft ping at Liara’s wrist then and Shepard glanced over at her.  “Kaidan just messaged to say that the doctor has arrived and discussions are underway,” she explained.  “How exactly do you want to play this?”

Shepard’s smile widened.  “Why don’t I explain on the way down?” she asked.  “We wouldn’t want to miss your grand entrance now, would we?”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Shepard engaged her tactical cloak before the elevator arrived at the CIC, just in case something had gone wrong and the doctor was not inside the conference room.  However, a short walk later proved that all was going according to plan as the three of them walked up to the glass walled room.  Liara triggered the door, stepping aside to allow both Shannon and a cloaked Shepard to enter before she followed inside.  While Liara led Shannon over to the table and all eyes were focused on them, Shepard quickly and quietly engaged the locks on the door.  There would be no leaving the room until she was satisfied with answers.  Shepard then crossed the room and found a position between Kaidan and Garrus which allowed her to view both Shannon and Dr. Michel clearly.  The show, as the saying went, was now out of her hands.

Both Kaidan and Garrus had, while Shepard secured the doors, brought the doctor up to speed with what had been occurring.  And though the woman had appeared slightly startled to find Liara escorting Shannon into the room, her attention had been completely upon the men or, as Shepard had noted when taking her position between them, upon Garrus specifically.  Yet one more piece of evidence from over the years to put paid to the rumor that the good doctor had a bit of ‘a thing’ for the turian.  

“Doctor Michel,” Garrus announced, “something was brought to our attention and we wondered if you might give us your input into the situation.  Your … professional opinion, as it were.”

“But of course,” the doctor was quick to reply, smile still in place, clearly not suspecting anything was amiss.  “How may I be of assistance?”

Garrus reached out to press a button, the display screen at the far end of the table behind the doctor lighting up in reaction.  The image presented was one of the attack from earlier that day on the Citadel.  Another press of the button and the image changed, this time to one of the dining area on the Presidium showing the doctor sitting at a table with two others.  And again.  And again.  Shepard kept her gaze on the doctor as Garrus proceeded.  She’d told the turian to be subtle, and he certainly was being that.  She could also see that the doctor was quickly realizing that the situation was not at all what she had first thought.  “What … how …. I ….”

The final image displayed was a shot of the _Normandy_ group returning to the ship, Shannon bound between them, C-Sec escort around them.  Turning off the display, Garrus faced the doctor.  “Those are the questions we would like answers to, Dr. Michel.  I believe you humans have a saying?  ‘The jig is up?’”

Shepard moved back a step to remain out of the way should either Garrus or Kaidan need to move around towards the doctor, but in the end, they were all clearly startled when the woman seemed to have no reaction at all save a heavy sigh of what sounded like relief and a slumping of her shoulders.  “You have it figured out, then?” she asked quietly.  

“We have,” Kaidan replied, remaining where he was.  “But we’d like to hear it from you.”

Dr. Michel nodded.  “Of course, Major.”  She was silent for a moment, one that stretched for what seemed like an eternity and had Shepard antsy by the end of it almost to the point of breaking her tactical cloak just to get the woman to say something.  But in the end, the doctor began speaking, explaining how she was approached shortly after Shepard had regained consciousness.  “They kidnapped my mother!” she told them.  “What was I to do?”

“What exactly was it that they wanted in return?” Garrus asked her.  

“They … they wanted information,” she explained.  “Schedules.  Locations.   _Opportunities_.”  She sighed again.  “Always, this word.  They would not tell me why,” she glanced over at Garrus directly, “I asked, of course.  I protested that they could not do this, that it would harm not only Shepard, but the child she carried as well.  That was when they changed their terms.”

Kaidan frowned.  “They were concerned that she was pregnant?” he echoed.  “That sounds a bit far fetched.”

The doctor sighed.  “Yes, of course,” she tried to explain again.  “I … I told them it was no ordinary child.  The baby is a biotic, you see.”

Now it was Liara who spoke up.  “Human biotics are pretty much ‘a dime a dozen’ anymore, doctor.  Why should Shepard’s child be of any special value to them?”

The doctor turned to face the asari.  “Because, like you, Dr. T’Soni, the child is a natural biotic.  No species outside of the asari has ever had that trait before.  When I pointed this out, they … changed the terms of our agreement.  No longer was it my mission to get them information to gain direct access to Shepard, but to make certain that she _and the child_ remained well.”

“You sold her out!” Kaidan growled, his fist pounding loudly atop the conference table as he stared across at the doctor.

“I had no choice!” Dr. Michel returned.  “They have my mother!”

Garrus waved Kaidan back a moment later and asked, “To what end?”

The doctor frowned.  “I’m sorry?”

“Why did they want you to make certain Shepard and her child were well?” he clarified.  “I mean, let’s face it … it’s become clear that their main focus isn’t Shepard’s welfare.”

“I … I don’t know,” the doctor replied.  “I was never told.  Any time I tried to find out more detailed information, I was told that it was none of my business.”  

“And in the meantime, you put my wife and our child in danger.”  Kaidan’s tone was rippling with anger, though he was doing well to keep it in check.  

“No!” Dr. Michel insisted.  “General Shepard is fine.  She is in excellent health for one in her condition!”

“But you never told her about the child,” Garrus pointed out.  “‘Secrets get people killed.’  I once heard Shepard blister the Primarch for that because he withheld vital information before a mission.  At the time, I could understand the Primarch’s position a bit more.  But today, I think I understand Shepard’s.  You purposely did not tell Shepard that her child was a biotic.”

“Not only that,” Liara added, “but you did not tell her the extent of the child’s biotic abilities.”

“I couldn’t!” the doctor pleaded.  “If I told her, they would have killed my mother!”

“Who is ‘they?’”  This time it was Shannon who spoke.  A quick glance at the younger woman showed a mix of sympathy and anger, but to her credit, the Lieutenant was hiding it well.  “Where are they located?”

“I … I don’t know,” the doctor protested.  “Not for certain, anyway.  I believe they are tied in with Cerberus, but to what extent?  I just do not know.  The one who ‘recruited’ me?  He was just … a body.  He ….”  The doctor frowned then, her gaze turning to face out the main window of the room.  Shepard thought she looked as if she was trying to remember something.  “He said … something about a natural biotic would be a key to rebuilding their organization.  That it would be the chance to clone ‘perfect soldiers’ or something.”

Everyone in the room gasped at that and Shepard thought for a moment she might be sick.  Releasing the tactical cloak, Shepard’s form came into view as she stepped towards the table.  “The hell they will!” she glowered angrily.  “They will not use my child as a proto-type weapon for their advancement!”

Kaidan reacted quickly, wrapping his arms around Shepard and pulling her away while Shannon, Liara and Garrus turned their attentions towards the doctor who paled at Shepard’s sudden appearance.  “Hush, Love,” he murmured into her ear as he guided her across the room.

“Kaidan -!”

“No,” he insisted.  “Let Garrus handle it from here.  Arrangements have been made, something he told me before bringing in the doctor.  She will remain on the Citadel in C-Sec custody, but out of sight and contact from others.  She won’t have any access to anyone or anything.  We’ll be able to leave with the impression that you were kidnapped intact.”

Shepard sighed, leaning heavily against him.  Suddenly, she was very tired.  “Yeah,” she murmured, “okay.”

Behind them, Shepard heard the doors to the room being opened and turned in time to see Garrus leading Dr. Michel out of the room with Shannon following close behind.  Liara approached them afterwards.  “Are you alright?” she asked Shepard.

Shepard shrugged.  “As well as I can be after all this, I guess,” she replied.  Covering yet another yawn, she offered a tired smile to her friend.  “I think I need a nap,” she murmured.  

Both Kaidan and Liara chuckled.  “Go on,” Liara urged them.  “You both deserve a rest after all of this.  “Garrus and I can,” she frowned as she considered carefully, “‘hold down the fort?’  That’s the proper saying, right?”

Shepard grinned at Liara.  “That it is,” she assured her before Kaidan led her out of the room.  

Liara returned to her quarters, intent upon wrapping up her initial investigation into Shannon and expanding the one into Dr. Michel, but she became sidetracked by a message waiting for her on her securely encrypted email.  The message was from Tali, and the quarian clearly had heard of the attack on the Citadel that afternoon.  Liara was quick to reassure her friend that all was well, that Shepard was safe, as well as explain the current state of things.  After encouraging Tali to keep up the pretense of Shepard’s kidnapping for as long as possible, she pulled up and initiated a new message and directed it to Miranda.  This one was both an update and a request, though Liara had no doubts that Miranda would be willing to help.  

  
  



	32. Reassessing the Situation

Shepard understood all too well just how lucky she was to have such a loyal crew, Dr. Michel notwithstanding.  She could rely on them for just about everything, and in the past she had.  And ultimately, her faith in her friends would go a long way to helping her recover from such a betrayal.  Though the process might take some time, Shepard had no doubt she’d eventually get there.

Exhausted by the stress of recent events, Shepard allowed Kaidan to lead her back to their cabin where she laid down for a short nap … that turned into a much longer one than she’d anticipated.  When finally she _did_ wake up, it was to find Kaidan curled up in bed with her, arms wrapped securely around her and their child, sleeping deeply.  A quick glance at the clock told her that they were in the middle of the sleep cycle.  The sharp nudge against her belly reminded her that timing didn’t matter in this case.  Rolling her eyes, Shepard slowly and carefully pulled herself free from Kaidan’s grasp and rose to her feet.  Changing into something comfortable, she grabbed her N7 hoodie on the way towards the door, pausing only for a quick pit stop along the way.  A couple of minutes later, she was on her way to the mess.

As usual aboard ship, it was never truly quiet.  Aside from the current duty shift, there were others winding down from their previous shifts or early risers preparing for the upcoming one.  That being said, there was usually always something available to eat in the mess.  Though it was empty for the most part, Shepard did happen upon Dr. Chakwas when she approached the refrigerator.  “Good morning, doctor.”

“Good morning, Shepard,” Karin greeted her.  

“You’re up early.  Anything I should know about?” Shepard asked as she moved first to put a kettle of water on to boil for tea.  

Chakwas chuckled.  “Not that I’m aware of, General,” she replied, “though I might ask the same of you.  You had a pretty big day yesterday.”

Shepard sighed.  In between pulling out leftovers from the fridge, she tossed a smirk in the doctor’s direction.  “That’s one way of putting it,” she retorted.  Using her shoulder to shut the door behind her, she turned to lay out the items she’d retrieved onto the counter.  Sighing again, she scrounged up some utensils and a food tray and began scooping out a meal.  “I laid down to take what I thought would be a short nap afterwards, but … well, I guess I overslept a bit.”

Chakwas grinned over the top of her mug of coffee.  “Indeed you did.  Then again, I’m not surprised in the least.”

“Oh?”

Leaning a hip against the counter, Chakwas kept a careful eye on Shepard’s selections.  “Even on the best of days, without a pregnancy to worry about, increased levels of stress can cause enormous strain on the body.  Sleeping is a natural way to help recover from that.  Add in the baby, and well ….”

Shepard nodded, a smile at her lips as she finished filling her tray and then returned the rest of the leftovers to the fridge.  “And then said baby decides she’s slept enough and it’s time for mama to feed her,” she mused dryly.  The resulting kick to her abdomen did not go unnoticed by the doctor.  

“Exactly!” she replied with a hearty chuckle.  “Goodness, she’s kicking quite well these days, isn’t she?”

Shepard sighed.  “Yeah.  Seriously, doc, it’s like Kaidan and I both told you during my last checkup.  She can even wake _him_ up!”

Shepard led the way over to the nearby table where she took her seat, Dr. Chakwas moving to sit across from her.  “Well, that’s all good then,” the doctor assured her.  

Shepard opened her mouth to reply, but the kettle went off before she could and she started to move in that direction.  “No, don’t,” Chakwas insisted.  “I’ll do it.  You go ahead and eat.  Doctor’s orders,” she added with a wink.

Chuckling to herself, Shepard dug into her tray.  After the first few bites, she realized just how hungry she was.  It snuck up on her, this almost murderous hunger that had her feeling as if she’d missed not one or two meals, but more like a week’s worth.  When the doctor returned, seating herself and setting Shepard’s tea within reach, Shepard noticed her laughing.  Swallowing her latest mouthful, Shepard reached for a napkin to wipe her mouth before grinning sheepishly.  “Sorry.”

“Not to worry,” the doctor assured her with a soft laugh.  “It’s perfectly normal.”

They continued to talk, mostly about trivial things, while Shepard finished her tray and then rose for another round.  Shepard paused about halfway through, her eyes lifting to meet the doctor’s.  There was a slight hesitancy in her voice, a nagging worry eating away at her that just wouldn’t quit as she put voice to the one thing that still troubled her the most out of the whole situation.  “You’re certain the baby is alright?” she asked.  

Pushing her mug, long empty by now, far out of the way, the doctor leaned forward and patted Shepard’s hand.  “Shepard, I swear to you, your child is fine.  No matter her reasons for what she did, no matter that she did not tell you when she should have, Chloe did nothing to put your child in any danger.  At least, not directly.  As for the biotics ….”  Chakwas shrugged.  “You and I both know how that works.  But from the tests I ran yesterday, I can tell you that as of this moment, your child is fine.  From here on out, I will be running those tests each visit and I will let you and Kaidan know if there is any worry.  But, for now, you need to relax.”

The cold dread that had snuck up on her had settled in her stomach, along with her meal, now sat like a heavy, cold lump.  Shepard knew Chakwas well enough, had done for quite a bit of her career, and believed that the woman believed what she was saying, but since Dr. Michel’s betrayal, there was now that constant fear of, _But what if I’m wrong again?_  In some ways, it felt almost like a repeat of Virmire, having that oppressive weight and responsibility on her shoulders with only the merest of seconds to make the right call.  A call that would decide the fate of one of her people … only this time her ‘people’ was the child growing inside of her, one that could not voice her opinion like Ashley had at the time ….

The feel of strong hands at her shoulders brought Shepard back to the present and she glanced up to find Kaidan standing there.  She could see the concern in his eyes, as well as the remnants of sleep.  It was then that she noticed he was dressed in his rumpled BDUs from the day before and his hair was in a less than his typically neat state.  A quick glance between him and the doctor and Shepard understood that the doctor must have alerted him.  She must have tuned the doctor out for longer than she’d thought.  “I’m okay,” she announced quietly.  

“Then come on back to bed,” he urged gently.  “You still have a few hours to get some more sleep.”

For the briefest of moments, Shepard considered protesting, but ultimately she knew he was right.  She was still tired.  And with her thoughts still all jumbled in a mess as they were, she knew that she would only find relative peace if he was around.  Reaching out and accepting the hand he offered, she rose to her feet.  “I think I will,” she replied before clearing her things off the table.  

 

~ ~ ~

 

As the ship departed the Citadel the next morning, Kaidan met with the others in the conference room while Shepard slept.  Sort of.  She’d woken up with Kaidan, but he’d insisted that she sleep, reminding her that if her input was needed he could message her or send one of the others to get her.  As tired as she still was (which surprised her but apparently not the doctor who, once Shepard had sent her a message of concern, advised that she sleep while she could because the moment the child arrived she would be wishing for time to rest), Shepard found she couldn’t relax enough to actually go back to sleep.  She tried reading for awhile, but that didn’t work.  She turned on the music for a time too, lowering both it and the lighting before lying on the bed and staring up at the stars through the overhead window, but no go.  She even attempted the old trick of counting backwards from one hundred and managed to get through that about four times before she finally gave up.  She was about to rise and dress, determined to join the others when she heard a familiar call from her computer.  

“Miranda, I’m here,” Shepard announced as she pressed the button and took a seat.  “What’s up?”

There was a moment’s pause, but Shepard recalled that from the last time as well.  “Shepard.  Good to hear your voice.  Are you alright?  Ori and I heard -”

Shepard smiled fondly though she knew neither woman could see it.  “I’m fine.  Dr. Michel apparently was working for them,” she began explaining.  Taking the next while to go into further detail, she answered the questions Miranda asked as best she could.  This continued for about ten minutes, finally adding that they were now trying to determine where to head next.  

“Hmm,” Miranda broke in.  “I might be able to assist with that.  I found something while helping Liara in her hunt for information on your Shannon.”

Shepard sighed, weariness of this argument returning.  “Now, Miranda, Kaidan and I both feel that -”

“Shepard, I’m not saying she was involved,” Miranda assured her, “only that I was working on that when I came across this.”

Shepard chewed on her lower lip as she considered, absently rubbing her hand over where her daughter was dancing around against her belly.  At least _some_ one was fully awake.  “Alright.  What is it?” she asked, wondering silently if she’d end up regretting this.

“I was tracking one of the messages that ultimately was tied in with the doctor,” Miranda explained, “and I got a hit finally.”

“Where?”

“Arcturus Station.”

Shepard frowned.  “But … they’ve barely begun reconstruction there.  How could they have -”

“Actually, they have more of it complete than you might think,” Oriana broke in.  “They’re still a long way from completion, but there’s some housing that’s been made available for both military and political elements.  Between them and the construction workers there, I’d estimate that there’s upwards of about three thousand people actually living aboard the station at the moment.”

Shepard blinked.  “Three thousand?”  That _was_ a surprise.  Sighing, she sat back in her chair.  “Okay … three thousand people aboard.  So what would we be looking for exactly?”

“I’ve a fair idea of where on the station the terminal is located,” Miranda explained, “though I do not have access to current schematics of the station itself.  Apparently, they’re keeping them a closely guarded secret.”

Shepard sighed, unable to refrain from rolling her eyes this time.  She suspected she knew the reason.  The Reapers had managed to get in and destroy Arcturus and a large portion of the Alliance Navy all in one blow while at Arcturus at the beginning of the war.  But keeping the schematics of the place secret wasn’t going to keep such things from happening, to her way of thinking.  If anything, it would invite people to try to steal them, or send others to investigate the new facility ….   _Secrets get people killed_ , she’d once told Primarch Victus.  It was a philosophy she firmly believed in.  “So, you need me on the ground there as your eyes,” she finally replied.

Miranda chuckled.  “Not you personally, Shepard,” she insisted.  “But a team from the _Normandy_ would help, yes.  If they can get in there and identify the location of the terminal, I might be able to track the signal back further and form a shorter list of people who could have been behind it.”

Shepard pulled up her omni-tool and sent Kaidan a quick message identifying Arcturus Station as their next destination.  Within a few moments, she received his reply.  “Alright,” she told Miranda, “we’re headed there.  Hopefully, we’ll arrive tomorrow,” she added.

“Good.  Ori’s worked up a program she’s sending you now, encrypted of course.  Have Kaidan upload it to his omni-tool and he and I will be able to converse through this same encryption program when they go investigate.”

Shepard noticed the green light flashing on her terminal as a message arrived.  Glancing over, she noted a second one follow straight on the heels of the first.  “What’s this one?” she asked.

“A message from Kahlee Sanders, of all people,” Miranda replied, “though why she thought I would know anything is beyond me.”

Shepard opened the message and glanced it over.  She groaned softly.  Jack.  Of course.  Sighing, she asked, “You found nothing?”

Shepard could hear actual regret in Mirana as she answered.  “I’m sorry, Shepard.  I’ve not heard a word from or about Jack since your party aboard the Citadel last year.  I have no idea where she might be.  You know as well as I do that she could be almost anywhere.”

Shepard sighed again.  “But, doing what?” she muttered softly.  Rereading the message, Shepard cringed as Kahlee used terms like Jack having gone ‘dark’ and hadn’t returned to assist when the biotic academy had opened on Earth a few weeks before since many could still not get to Grissom to fix it let alone study there.  “Alright, I’ll see if we can’t do anything from this end.”

There was a pause then, but Shepard could tell it wasn’t the encrypting system on their communications device this time.  “What is it, Miranda?”

“Nothing, just … Shepard … stay safe, okay?”

Shepard couldn’t help but smile.  “I’ll do my best,” she promised.

“Look, you and I both know that the threat hasn’t ended just because -”

“Miranda,” Shepard broke in gently, “I know.  Kaidan knows.  Hell, the whole crew knows and trust me, they’re just as upset about what happened as I am.  Think of it as having an entire ship full of guard dogs from here on out, okay?”  She heard a soft laugh from the other end, but couldn’t be sure if it was Miranda or Oriana.  “Look, I promise, we’ll be as careful as we can be.”

“Alright.  I’m going to hold you to that, you know.”

Shepard laughed.  “Don’t I know it,” she retorted.  And with that, she rose and disconnected the call.  

Taking the time to wash up and dress, Shepard was just about to grab Anderson’s old hoodie she’d confiscated when she heard the door to the cabin open and glanced over to find Kaidan entering.  “Hey,” she greeted him, a smile curving at her lips.  

He met her halfway across the room, catching her hand as she kissed his cheek before she could walk away.  “Hey,” he returned.  “And just where do you think you’re going?”

Shepard sighed.  “I need to go see Liara,” she explained.  “I’ll be back in a little while.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” he murmured, tugging on her hand, pulling her back over towards the couch with him.

Frowning, Shepard could only follow.  “Kaidan, what’s going on?”

He sat, pulling her to sit beside him.  As she did so, he handed over a datapad that she hadn’t noticed earlier.  Frowning, she took it in hand.  “What’s this?” she asked, scanning the contents.

“That,” he told her with some amusement, “is apparently the current list of names that the members of the crew are thinking we should name the baby.  Apparently, there’s a betting pool going around too, though I’ve not managed to get a hold of that one.”

Shepard blinked.  “Seriously?” she whispered, torn between annoyance and a wave of affection for her crew that was so intense it threatened to make breathing difficult.  

Kaidan nodded.  “I think Joker is behind both of them actually,” he added.  “From what I’ve been able to gather, he’s still a bit put out he hasn’t been able to figure out your first name.”

That actually caused Shepard to giggle softly.  “Still?” she mused as she skimmed through the list.  

“Still,” Kaidan echoed.  

Shepard set the list aside on the coffee table and turned to face him.  Reaching out, this time she took his hand into hers.  “Kaidan … that’s a very interesting assortment of names and all, but I already know what I want to name the baby.”

He chuckled softly, a knowing grin passing over his features.  “I figured you might,” he replied.  Rubbing his thumb over her knuckles, he asked, “Are you going to keep me in suspense here?”

She moved beside him, curling into his side.  “I said I know what I ‘want’ to name her, not that I was going to.  We’re in this together, aren’t we?  Your input is just as important as mine.”  She looked up at him and found surprise there.  “What?”

“Nothing,” he replied.  “I just … I guess I just assumed you’d have it all sorted out.  Like you usually do,” he tried to explain.

Shepard sighed and leaned over to hug him.  “This isn’t some battlefield mission we’re going out on,” she reminded him.  “We’re her parents.  We do this together.  Got that?”

He nodded almost immediately.  “Got it,” he assured her.  Then, “So … what name did you have in mind?”

Shepard felt a smile tug at her lips again.  Leaning over, she whispered it softly into his ear.  As she pulled back, she saw the resulting grin on his face, a brightness in his eyes and knew she’d been right.  “Yes?” she asked.

He nodded.  “Yes.  It’s perfect.”

Moving to her feet, Shepard gave him one last smile.  “Good.  Now, I really do need to go see Liara.”  She hadn’t forgotten about Jack at all.

Kaidan was up on his feet before she could take a step away from him.  He grasped her hand again to keep her from moving away.  “I think I’ll go with you.”

Shepard frowned, but did not pull her hand from his as they exited the cabin together.  “Any particular reason why?” she asked, curious.

“Does there have to be?” he countered.  Shepard’s brow arched.  Sighing softly, he gently squeezed the hand he still held.  “Just … showing appreciation,” he relented.  “I can’t … lose you.  Not now.”

Shepard’s eyes met his as the elevator came to a halt on the crew deck.  Squeezing his hand in return, she leaned over and kissed his cheek just as the doors opened.  “You won’t lose me,” she promised quietly as she shifted so her thumb could rub lightly over the ring on his finger.  “Not now.  Not ever.  ‘Until the end of time,’ remember?”

Straightening, he rolled his shoulders and then escorted her off the lift, his hand tightening briefly around hers.  “I remember,” he promised, though Shepard thought she could still hear a bit of worry in his voice.  But for now, it would have to do.

 


	33. Into Thin Air

After spending a while with Liara and making her request for a search into the whereabouts of their missing mutual belligerent biotic friend, Shepard and Kaidan exited the room.  Pausing only to take time for a quick meal, Shepard brought Kaidan up to speed with the conversation she’d had with Miranda.  She felt reassured that Kaidan appeared nearly as startled by the current state of repair at Arcturus, even though he didn’t show it with anything other than a raised eyebrow.  She also informed him of the program that had been sent to her for him to use on his omni-tool.  After their meal was complete, he led her back to their cabin and together, they both examined it.  

During the remainder of the journey, Shepard spent her time resting (more to keep Kaidan relaxed than anything after the events of the past few days).  Shepard also took some time to go through several reports that had been sent in from Admiral Hackett that Traynor had directed her way, updates on progress back home, the current status of the fleet, troops and such.  Whether this was because it had been specifically asked for or instigated from Hackett’s end of things, Shepard didn’t know, but she did appreciate the update.  Funny how much the idea of the desk position had irritated her (or perhaps daunted her would be a better description?) at first, and now she was thankful for almost any sort of distraction that made her feel useful.  

The jump from the Sol System to the Arcturus Stream went well enough.  As it happened, Shepard had been asleep at the time, though Kaidan had snuck out of their cabin and down to the CIC after being alerted  by Joker that the jump was imminent.  It wasn’t that he’d expected anything to go wrong, at least not like it had when they’d jumped to the Exodus Cluster, but then again what had actually gone right from the beginning of this mission?  Even the nature of the mission itself had come out unexpectedly.  So, was there any harm in being prepared?

But the jump went smoothly, and within a short time, they were approaching the docks of Arcturus.  That proved to be an eerie experience as well.  Visuals of the only partially restored station through the windows of the _Normandy_ allowed some of the newly reconstructed areas to show up nicely, but it was the skeletal framework of the rest of the station that sent shivers down Kaidan’s spine.  Joker, too, shifted uncomfortably in his pilot’s chair and Kaidan couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps he was feeling it too.  

“Major?” Traynor’s voice broke through the moment onto the bridge.  

“What is it, Traynor?” Kaidan called back.

“We’re being hailed by Arcturus Station security.  They want to know our intent.”

Joker snorted.  “What?  They don’t know who we are?” he asked.  “Maybe we should go for a new paint scheme or something?  Put the name on a bit bigger?  You know, one large enough so they can actually read it?”

Kaidan rolled his eyes.  “I’ll be there in a moment, Traynor,” he told the specialist.  To Joker, he advised, “Better keep us at a distance for the moment, let me see about getting us in without any battles blazing, hmm?”

“Your call, boss,” Joker called after him, “but I still say I could sneak us in there before they knew what hit them.”

“Maybe next time,” Kaidan countered calmly over his shoulder.

A quick conference with Traynor and then personal contact with the docking security officer later, Kaidan was reasonably assured that their permission to land had been granted.  Only then did he give Joker permission to move in.  On his way towards the elevator, he asked Traynor to notify Garrus, Kolyat, Liara and Shannon to prepare to dock and meet him at the hatch.  

A few moments later, entering their cabin, Kaidan was not surprised to find Shepard already awake and dressed.  “Are we there?” she asked, evidence of her sleepiness still lingering in the half yawn she spoke around.

Kaidan nodded as he began changing into his armor.  He wasn’t surprised when she joined him, moving automatically to assist locking the pieces in place.  It was routine.  “Joker’s docking us now,” he replied.  Glancing over his shoulder, he caught her eyes for a long moment.  “You aren’t going to fight me on this, are you?”

Shepard blinked, her hands faltering against his back.  “Fight you?” she echoed.  

Kaidan shrugged.  “I thought you might argue about coming along.  Like you did before on Europa.”

Shepard chuckled, her forehead dropping to rest against his shoulder for a brief moment.  “Kaidan,” she told him quietly, “I’ve told you all along, I know my limits.  And to be honest, after what we just went through on the Citadel and the fallout from that, I know I’m in no shape to go out there today.”  Straightening, she resumed moving the pieces of armor into position for him to lock into place.

Turning, Kaidan placed his hands at her shoulders so that she wouldn’t move.  Eyeing her closely, he remained silent for a short time.  Then he chuckled as realization hit.  “You promised Miranda, didn’t you?” he guessed.

Shepard smiled.  “That too,” she agreed.  

Between the two of them, they fitted the rest of his armor and soon had him ready.  A quick message was sent to Miranda to alert her that they were about to board the station and Shepard followed Kaidan out of cabin.  On the elevator, she noted the skeptical look he gave her.  Shepard only laughed, pushing hard against his shoulder with her own and nudging him just a bit off balance.  “What?  I’m just going down to see the doctor.”

The doors opened to the CIC and Shepard saw Kaidan turn to face her before he exited.  “Are you alright?” he asked, the note of concern in both his look and his voice.

“I’m fine,” she promised quietly.  “Just a regular checkup is all.  She still wants to run a few more routine tests to make up for what Dr. Michel didn’t document.”  When still he hesitated, Shepard reached out and pushed him towards through the door.  “Go on, Major Worrywart,” she teased lightly but with a reassuring smile.  “We’ll be here when you get back and everything will be quite alright.  Just wait and see.”  Their eyes held as the doors began to close, but Shepard kept her smile in place.  She was determined not to be a distraction for him on this mission.  Besides, what she’d told him had been the truth.  After a fashion.  That she still had her own sets of worries and concerns, Shepard knew the doctor was aware … but Kaidan didn’t need to know _every_ thing, did he?

The tests and scans themselves took less than an hour, but another hour was spent just talking.  Despite Dr. Michel’s betrayal, Shepard knew she could trust Chakwas.  Completely and without reservation.  That trust had been built upon both a working relationship and friendship spanning a number of years, including time spent working with Cerberus.  There were very few whom Shepard trusted that much, and most of them inhabited the _Normandy_ still to this day.  They’d been to hell and back together.  It was a bond that, in Shepard’s mind, was unbreakable.

After her visit was completed, and with Karin’s suggestion of sleep still ringing in her ears, Shepard headed back up to her cabin.  She stopped first in the CIC to check with Traynor, leaving word to be informed if anything was heard from the ground team, then stepped back inside the elevator as it took her to the top floor.  Heeding the doctor’s suggestion, and because she _was_ still tired, Shepard made her way over to the bed, lay down and curled up atop the blanket thinking a short nap might do just the trick.  And who knew, maybe she’d sleep the entire time Kaidan was gone and wake up with him walking through the door and asking for her assistance in removing his armor.  After all, she was just as good at help him out of it as well as into it ….

* * *

 

The benefit of docking with an actual Alliance run station, as Steve saw it (and even the Major when presented with the option once their destination had been known), was that not only would they be able to stock up on military supplies that they needed (some things hadn’t been available on the Citadel), but he would also get access to the pieces and parts he used to keep the shuttles operating within Alliance specs.  Such was the case at Arcturus.  Even though it wasn’t completely operational yet, Steve had been able to contact the proper authorities within the chain of command to get him access to the items he was needing.  Additionally, they sent along a mechanic to assist him.  Steve gratefully accepted the help since he was uncertain of just how long they would remained docked there and both shuttles were in need of upgrades and repairs.  

The one thing no one had counted on was the one thing that no one could see.

Every precaution had been taken from the clothing worn to keep noise to an absolute minimum, to pre-planning every single thing that was to happen on this mission since they would be virtually undetectable, even to each other.  Entrance into the ship came via the shuttle bay, open for the maintenance personnel.  Though the maintenance person was not involved, it was an opportunity for easy access that, once found out about, could not be ignored.  Once entry was made, there was a certain amount of caution that would have to be used.  After all, it would seem strange for the elevator to make sudden appearances when no one was around to call it.

That was perhaps the most nerve-wracking part of the mission.  The waiting.  The patience required.  And that was _BEFORE_ their target had been acquired.  But eventually, they gained access, invisible stowaways on the lift as it rose to the CIC.  Before it could be recalled, the button for the upper level was depressed, and their first goal was achieved.  

Upon exiting, their first realization was that the locks to the doors were not engaged.  That made entrance easier, though not easy by any means.  They had no access to what was going on behind the door.  For that matter, they weren’t even certain their target was inside the room, though from all the intel they’d received, she hadn’t left the ship with the others and it almost certainly was the logical location.  It took some time, but the doors slid open a a few moments later, allowing them access.  The room was dimly lit, and at first they both wondered if intel had been wrong after all.  However, once inside the room a few steps and their eyes adjusted to the limited lighting, they could see the form lying on the bed below.  Good.  

Now came the difficult part.

At the first sign of movement, both stopped in their tracks.  They waited until she stopped, until she settled back down, having rolled over to sleep on her other side.  Once assured she was still sleeping soundly, they moved again, closing in towards the bed.  One had a device, to be attached once she’d been incapacitated, that would make her invisible to sight as well.  But the first thing that had to occur was binding her up.  When one went for her legs, the other went for her arms ….

 

* * *

 

In that half-awake state of hazy disregard, Shepard stilled the instant she heard something out of place.  It was habit borne of life experience and necessity.  Though, this time she wasn’t certain at first what the sound had been and only much later would she attribute it to a footstep creaking on the stairs (how many times had she submitted maintenance requests over the years to have that fixed?).  Whatever it was, at that moment in time, her brain interpreted it as a threat.  The shot of adrenaline that moved through her brought her awake instantly, even alerting her unborn child that something had happened as her daughter began to move and roll.   _Not now, Little Bug, please!_ she begged silently.  Shepard cringed as she realized that she was defenseless.  She was alone, in her cabin aboard the _Normandy_ , and suddenly, for whatever inexplicable reason, felt endangered.  Trapped.  Hunted.  Threatened.  And she had no weapon nearby with which to defend herself.  Taking a very slow, deep breath, she focused her attention to her immediate surroundings, searching for any additional clues to help determine from where the danger came.

She heard another creak, not the staircase this time, but along the floor, and Shepard moved immediately, rolling herself across the bed, over Kaidan’s side and ultimately aiming to roll off the edge and onto the floor, giving herself some sort of cover in the process.  At the same time, she reached towards her omni-tool ….

… but whoever it was after her had a good enough advantage to figure out what she was doing.  She made it about halfway across the bed before a hand grasped around her ankle.  Instinct and training had her turning to face the threat, to kick out with her foot.  Even though bare, despite being only a couple of months from her child’s arrival, Shepard was strong, and much of that was in her legs.  She connected with … something, though she could not see what.  If she had to hazard a guess, by the grunting and groaning and by the way in which her foot had made contact and the almost crunching sound that was made, she would guess she found a person’s nose.  But it wasn’t enough to get them to release her.  In fact, as Shepard struggled to break free of the hold on her ankle, she felt another strong hand grasp her arm and yank it behind her.  She gasped, inhaling sharply, intending to cry out, but apparently they had been prepared for that.  Shepard fought against it violently, jerking her arms and legs around, trying to shake the hands and arms free from around her, but in the end, she could not and a cloth of some kind covered her face.  In that one last moment, before she blacked out completely (there was a strange scent on the cloth and Shepard realized it must be some sort of drug at work), all that Shepard could think was that she’d broken her promise to Kaidan.

As old fashioned as it was, the ether on the cloth did the trick and their target fell unconscious.  Only then were they able to bind her securely, attach the cloak device which synced with their own, and only then did they exit the room.  The elevator was still on the landing when they departed, doors open and seemingly waiting for them.  Moving quickly and silently, they triggered the descent to the shuttle bay before moving to the back of the car.  They stopped once, two levels down, and picked up one passenger, but they were headed to the shuttle bay as well, so in the end it actually assisted them in their escape rather than hurt them.  

Cortez glanced over as the elevator doors opened, taking a moment to wave at the crewman on cooking duty this week.  Though they’d just taken on supplies back at the Citadel, again there had been a few things that were only available on Arcturus and it seemed that this evening’s meal would involve some of those ingredients.  As he started turning his attention back to the shuttle, though, Steve frowned and paused.  Blinking, he stared at the spot for a long moment.  What had just happened?  There had been a sort of rippling effect for just a second and he could have sworn ….

“You okay, sir?” the mechanic asked.

Steve shook himself free from whatever hold had been upon him.  “Yeah,” he replied as he rubbed the back of his neck and waited another five count to see if it repeated.  When it didn’t, he turned his attention back to the job at hand.  “Yeah, I’m good.  Must’ve been the lighting or something.”  

 

* * *

 

Kaidan sighed heavily as he stepped back aboard the _Normandy_.  Pressing his fingers to his ear to trigger the communications device that connected with her via his omni-tool, he said quietly, “Miranda, is there any way we can get you patched into the conference room using this thing?  I want the whole group in on this discussion, including Shepard.”

“That shouldn’t be an issue,” Miranda replied before taking a moment to explain the procedure to him.

“Alright, give us a few minutes and I’ll be back in touch.”  Turning to the others, he asked both Shannon and Liara, “Would you go find Shepard, please?  She needs to hear this too.”

“You want me to go get those diagrams linked into the playback system?” Garrus asked.  

Kaidan sighed.  Lifting a hand to rub at the base of his neck where he could feel the beginnings of a migraine starting, he nodded.  “Yeah, probably should.”

“I will assist you,” Kolyat offered as Garrus turned down the hall leading to the larger room.  

Only then did Traynor approach.  “Everything good?” he asked the specialist.

She nodded.  “It’s been quiet,” she told him.  

“Cortez and the mechanic get done with the repairs?”

Traynor chuckled.  “Last time I checked, they were running the last set of diagnostics.  I’d say give them another twenty minutes and we should be ready to go if you need us to.”

Kaidan sighed again.  “Yeah, that might have to wait.”  The elevator signaled its arrival then, and he turned, walking with Traynor back to the galaxy map and waiting.  But where he’d expected Shepard to arrive with either Shannon or Liara, he found only Liara exiting.  “I didn’t find her.  Dr. Chakwas said she’d gone up to lie down after her exam.  I would imagine she’d be on her way down with Shannon.  No word from them?”

He shook his head.  “No, not -”

There was a crackle of static over his earpiece then before Shannon’s voice hailed him.  “Major, I think we might have a problem.”

Kaidan felt his entire body go rigid at both the words and the cold dread he heard in them.  “Define ‘problem,’ Lieutenant.”  He hoped his voice sounded calmer than he felt just then, but he had his doubts as Liara’s eyes snapped around to meet his.  

“Shepard’s not in your cabin … but the bed looks as if it’s been slept in … and there’s a bloodstain on the blanket.”

Liara and Traynor both gasped.  Kaidan turned to them, “Find Chakwas.  See if she knows anything else.  From the exam, her movements afterwards, whatever.  Also, get her up there … if there’s blood ….”  His gut was screaming that wasn’t the case.  That something _had_ happened to Shepard that would require further investigation.

To Shannon, he replied, “Lieutenant, stay there.  I’m on my way.”

Stepping into the elevator, Kaidan switched his link over to Garrus.  When the turian responded, he explained what was happening.  “I need you and your investigative skills up in my cabin.”

“You don’t think she’s somewhere else aboard ship?”

Kaidan swallowed.  “I _hope_ she is, but my gut is screaming otherwise.  That bloodstain ….”

“On my way,” Garrus promised.  “Don’t touch anything.”

 

* * *

 

“It’s not Shepard’s blood,” Chakwas informed them after taking a sample of the blood and scanning it with her omni-tool.  “Not even close.  I can also tell you, from running it against crew records, it isn’t anyone from aboard this ship.”

Kaidan and Garrus exchanged a glance.  “Damn,” the turian muttered as he turned away and started for the door.  “I’m going to go see if I can find anything on the station security feeds.”

Kaidan glanced over at Shannon.  “Go help him,” he told her.  “Ask Kolyat and Traynor to assist.”

“Yes, sir,” she replied before running after Garrus so she could catch the elevator with him.

Turning to Chakwas, Kaidan asked, “Is there anything else you can tell me, Karin?  Any sort of clue at all?”

The doctor sighed and shook her head.  “I think Garrus has it right, Kaidan.  There appears to have been a fight, an awkward one at best,” she admitted, “but still.”  She reached a hand out and placed it on Kaidan’s shoulder as if sensing despair.  “Don’t give up hope yet, Major,” she reminded him.  Gesturing towards the bed, she added, “That’s quite a bit of blood there.  Not enough to slow someone down, maybe, but certainly enough to indicate that Shepard got in a few good licks in the process.  Her N7 training will stand her in very good stead despite the advanced state of her pregnancy.  Hell, she’s defeated the Reapers and survived to tell the tale!  She has outlived all of the odds … and still survived.  I can tell you this: if she’s fighting, she’s alive.”

Kaidan felt a shudder shake through him.   _But for how long?_  Running his hands over his face, he asked, “Are you absolutely certain they want her alive?”

“Are you?  Look, everything we’ve learned about them to this points suggests that is their goal.  Kaidan, to me it is obvious that they want the child, not Shepard.  But, in order to do that, they need Shepard alive.  She has maybe two months left to go in this pregnancy, give or take.  If they try to take the child too soon, they’ll just sabotage their own efforts.  So yes, I’m as certain as I can be that she is alive.”

Kaidan nodded, climbing the steps to the work area so he could use the computer.  “I need to alert Miranda,” he informed her.  As he took a seat, he saw the doctor smirk softly as she turned to leave.  “What?”

Chakwas chuckled.  “You’ve gone from suspecting Miranda to alerting her of the change of events pretty quickly there, Major.”

Kaidan flushed slightly as he pressed the button to call Miranda.  “Shepard was pretty convincing in her arguments,” was his reply.  Turning back to the machine, he asked, “Miranda, are you there?”

“I am.  Are you ready to -”

“We’ve got a problem.”  He hated to be so brusque and cut her off, but they didn’t have time to spare.  Over the next fifteen minutes, Kaidan detailed the little bit that they knew.  Dr. Chakwas remained nearby to respond to questions regarding the blood that had been found.  

“I’m more concerned with how they could have known Shepard remained on board the _Normandy_ ,” Miranda mused from her end after the update had been completed.  “This has all the markings of a planned kidnapping.  Somehow, they knew you’d be there and they knew she wouldn’t be leaving the ship.”

“Yeah,” Kaidan agreed.  “Wait … Shepard said you mentioned you’d come across Arcturus as a lead while researching evidence on Shannon?”

“Yes,” Miranda replied.  “But I also told her that the evidence was not directed at Shannon, but Doctor Michel.”

“And you provided the the lead that sent us here ….”  Kaidan allowed his thoughts to trail off.  He could almost see a pattern there in front of him ….

“Are you suggesting that I set this all up?” Miranda demanded.

“What?  No!” he insisted.  “Not at all.”

“Now, I may be an amateur at these things,” Chakwas broke in, “but it almost sounds like you were fed some misinformation, Miranda.  Is there any chance that could have been the case?”

“I don’t see how -”

“Could your communications have been hacked?” Kaidan asked, eyes dropping to the glowing blue light at his computer that indicated a connection was established.  “Could they be listening right now?”

“Now, see here!”

“It’s possible.”  Oriana had been quiet for most of the call, remaining in the background.  But now, she spoke up.  “Any time you have technology like this, it is theoretically possible.”

Miranda’s sigh was audible.  “Damn,” she muttered.  “So you think that’s what happened?”

“I don’t see how we can think anything else,” Kaidan replied.  “They had inside information or they would never have been able to pull this off.  The _only_ person Shepard spoke to outside of the ship about this was you.  That makes me think that our little ‘investigation’ into Arcturus and the source of your information was a set up.”  He sighed.  “Which also means you both are likely now targets, too,” he added.  “Especially if they are former Cerberus agents.”  

There was a pause at the other end.  “Get rid of this device,” Miranda finally announced, though in the background, both Kaidan and Chakwas could hear the sounds of people moving, things being shifted.  “We’re going to relocate.  We’ll find some way to contact you afterwards.”

“Do you have someplace to go?” he asked.

“We will be fine,” Miranda replied vaguely.

Sighing, Kaidan murmured, “Miranda?  Stay safe.”

“That’s the plan.”

The blue light went out as the call was broken, and Kaidan removed it from the computer and set it aside for the time being.  It would be of no further use like as not, but he wanted to hold onto it in case there was something there that could help them.  Rising to his feet, Kaidan nodded towards the door to the cabin.  “Come on, doctor,” he told her.  “Let’s go see if Garrus has found anything yet.”

When they arrived in the CIC, they found most of the crew at their stations, though one of them was quick to inform Kaidan that the others were in the conference room.  “Larger monitors to watch the feeds, sir,” she explained.

Inside the conference room, they found Garrus, Shannon, and Kolyat each staring intently at separate footage.  Traynor was working some sort of magic on the equipment, but she did manage a moment to glance over at him.  “Liara’s down in her quarters, sir.  She said something about checking her resources.”

Kaidan nodded.  A moment later, the fourth wall had video footage on it.  “These are all the feeds, Major,” Traynor explained.  “We were lucky, catching onto the situation as quickly as we did.  I managed to get copies of all of the feeds for the time from when your team departed the _Normandy_ until your return.”

“Good work, Traynor,” he told her.  “Do we know anything else?”

“I spoke with security.  No one on Arcturus has seen Shepard,” Garrus called from across the room.  He hit a button to pause his feed before turning.  “It seems she literally disappeared into thin air.”

“Where is the footage showing the docking bay?” Kaidan asked.  “We’ll start there, see if we see her leaving the ship at all.”

“Over here,” Shannon called.  

Before crossing the room, Kaidan turned to Chakwas.  “Karin, could you do me a favor?  Ask Cortez to come up here.  I want to see if he saw anything since they would have had the shuttle bay open.”  It was a longshot, but an extra set of eyes couldn’t hurt.

“Of course.”

Each piece of footage was just under two hours in length.  While they waited on Cortez, Kaidan examined the piece with Shannon first, but had to admit he couldn’t see anything indicating that Shepard had actually left the ship.  Kolyat’s footage began on the other side of the docking bay, once you passed through security and led into the more open area leading into the station proper.  Garrus’ feed was from an angle showing other docking bay doors.  

The doors to the conference room slid open after a short while admitting Cortez.  “You asked for me, sir?”

Without turning, Kaidan asked, “I just wanted to see if you’d seen anything strange down in the shuttle bay over the last few hours.”  He did turn then.  “You’ve heard, I presume?”

Cortez nodded.  “That Shepard’s missing?  Yeah, doc told me.  Can’t say that I saw much of anything, sir,” he added, replying to the original question.  “Holtz and I were working on the shuttles the entire time.  Only other person I saw down there was Baker, but he was just retrieving some of the foodstuffs that had been brought on board.”

Kaidan sighed.  “That’s what I was afraid of.”

“Well, unless she’s been closed in to some part of the ship we’re not aware of,” Shannon pointed out, “she had to have left the _Normandy_ either via the shuttle bay or the hatch.”  She pointed towards the footage she and Kaidan had been examining.  “And the hatch never once opened except when you left and then returned, Major.”

“Well, I don’t see how -”

“Wait,” Cortez’s voice broke in.  Kaidan glanced over at him and saw him stepping towards Garrus’ screen.  “What’s that?”

Garrus glanced at the pilot.  “What’s what?”

Cortez blinked.  “Can you replay that?” he asked, turning towards Traynor.  

“Sure.  How far back do you want me to go?” she countered.

Cortez watched the scene play in reverse for a few moments then said, “There.  That’s good.”

“What did you see, Cortez?” Kaidan asked as he walked over.  

“I … I’m not sure what to call it,” he replied.  “It sort of reminded me of something I thought I saw earlier though.  Something sort of similar to Shepard’s cloaking skill?  Remember when she did that at the Spectre archives?  That … flickering shifting thing?”

“Cloaking …?”

Garrus muttered something in turian, a curse if the tone was anything to go by, as he turned towards Kaidan.  “We’re so used to her using it on her own, we didn’t even think to check for it as possibly being used against her will.”

Kaidan glanced over at Traynor.  “Reset each of these feeds.”  To Cortez, he said, “Show me.”

They stepped forward, Garrus on one side, Kaidan on the other, Shannon and Kolyat behind.  “There,” Cortez told them, his hand rising to point at a blurred area that was barely discernible from the space around it.  Traynor halted the feed to freeze the picture.  “I thought I saw something like that in the shuttle bay earlier.  Holtz and I were just starting to prep the second shuttle for the last diagnostics run.  Baker had just arrived to get the things he needed and ….”  He closed his eyes for a moment.  “Damn!” he muttered.  “I thought it was … I don’t know, a trick of the light?  But it could have been just like that.”

“Sir, I have the feed showing the shuttle bay doors queued up,” Traynor called to him.  Everyone turned towards that wall.  Sure enough, right about the time that Cortez had been preparing for his diagnostics test, a brief glimpse of an invisible glimmer could be seen.  They traced it through the clip to the end, switching through two more feeds before they finally were able to determine a destination.

“Damn,” Garrus muttered.  “They must have been docked on the far side of the station.”

“Yeah,” Kaidan returned, but there was a glint in his eyes now, “but just how many ships were docked over there?”

“Two,” Traynor replied.  When both men turned to face her, she offered a sheepish smile and handed a datapad over.  “Sorry, it was part of the information they sent over to help identify the feeds.”

“So, we find the one that left a short time after,” Shannon glanced at the feed’s identification markings, “1846h, then we know who took her?”

“The _Gambit_ and the _Ironside_.”  Kaidan nodded at Traynor.  “Go see what you can find about the ships from security.”

“Yes, sir!”  Traynor ducked out the doors and dashed off without another word.  

“Thanks, Steve,” Kaidan told the pilot a moment later.  “That may have been the break we were looking for.”  Returning Cortez’ smart salute, the pilot exited the room.  

Garrus moved across the room to turn off the equipment.  “We’ve lost a lot of time on this, having to search the feeds, hunt for … what is it you humans call it?”

Kaidan rolled his eyes knowing where Garrus was headed.  “A needle in a haystack?”

Garrus nodded.  “Yeah, that’s it.”  He paused for a moment, one last lingering glance at the frozen frame of the feed upon the doorway leading to the far side docking bays.  “You know, we ought to go update Liara,” he told Kaidan.  “She might be able to help with information on the ships if nothing else.”

Kaidan nodded.  “Right.  Let’s head down there now.”  He turned to Shannon and Kolyat.  “Would you two update Joker for me?  Tell him to be ready to go the minute we know where we’re heading.”

Both nodded and headed out with Kaidan and Garrus following behind.  As they waited for the elevator, Garrus commented, “Leave it to Shepard to make life an ongoing adventure.”

Kaidan actually managed a chuckle in response.  “It took you this long to figure that out?” he asked.

“I was hoping it was just a side effect of ridding the galaxy of the Reapers or something, not an everyday occurrence,” was the dry reply as the doors closed behind them.

 


	34. Ends Against the Middle

_Amaranthine._

Kaidan had stared at the galaxy map for a long time after setting their course.  This hadn’t been their first choice of destination, nor their second.  Each time they thought they’d had a break so far had ended in heartbreak instead.  And it was beginning to take its toll.  Chakwas had already approached him, concern for him on her mind.  He was the commanding officer of the ship and if he could not put aside his personal reactions to the situation, he would need to step aside.  Allow someone like Garrus to lead.  Kaidan had brushed her worries aside, assuring her that he was focused on finding Shepard, but it was clear that the doctor wasn’t buying it.  Before he asked - _ordered_ \- her to leave, she did get him to promise to at least _try_ to get some rest so that when they _did_ find the right location, he would be ready to lead the assault.  He didn’t exactly promise, but it must have sounded reassuring enough for she left without further comment.

The others, too, were noticing.  Oh, they kept quiet, and he knew they were as concerned as he was, but he also caught their eyes lingering on him just a bit longer than necessary, looks of concern and empathy haunting their gazes.  In the end, though, that was part of what helped hold him together.  Despite his own personal attachment and closeness with Shepard and his child, Kaidan was more than well enough aware that the others - Liara, Garrus, the doctor, Shannon and the rest - had nearly as much invested in their relationship with Shepard.  They were concerned for her, for the child, and wanting revenge upon whoever it was behind all of this.   _THAT_ was how he kept his focus.  

And then, finally, they caught a break.  After nearly ten days of searching, after multiple dead ends, one of Liara’s sources finally came through with more specific information that made tracking the _Gambit_ a whole hell of a lot easier.  Now, almost two weeks of hunting and scrambling around chasing whatever tentative leads they could find, they were finally on the right course.  

Kaidan just hoped that they weren’t too late.

During their hunt, they’d also received further word from Miranda.  Just a simple message, nothing that looked suspicious or out of the ‘ordinary,’ but it had been enough unlike the woman’s usual communications with them to cause Kaidan’s heart to pause momentarily in worry for her and Oriana’s safety.  Too damned many people were becoming targets now, and most of them simply because they knew or were involved with Shepard.  The potential for the absolute worst to happen was growing exponentially, and Kaidan nearly felt as if it was all out of his control.  Granted, Miranda could take care of herself and her sister quite well, that was a fact.  Kaidan had been there on Horizon during the war, at Sanctuary when they’d come across the pair facing off against their father.  At that point, he’d not known the ex-Cerberus agent very well, but Shepard had sworn that saving her was the right thing to do and so he’d done his part to help.  In the end, though, he’d witnessed Miranda in action, more than capable of dealing with her father.  Beyond that, though, and only much later during the party Shepard had held just before the very end, had Kaidan begun to realize the impact that Miranda had had upon events as a whole.  He’d sought out an opportunity or two to talk with Miranda, and while he didn’t necessarily agree with her most of the time, particularly her methods, he had admitted his appreciation for her efforts and made certain to thank her for bringing Shepard back.  The rest of his change of opinion about her had come over time ….

With the arrival over Amaranthine, Kaidan called his ground team down to the shuttle bay.  This time, he was bringing everyone he possibly could.  Wanting the _Normandy_ up and ready to go as soon as they returned, he had Cortez prepare a shuttle to get them down to the planet.  Garrus, Kolyat, Liara and Shannon all met him at the shuttle in full armor and armed not five minutes after his summons.  Kaidan had tried to convince Dr. Chakwas to join them, just in case they found Shepard requiring more advanced medical attention than Kaidan himself was comfortable providing, but the doctor had refused.  “At my age, I would only slow you down,” she said, though she did hand him a specially packed med kit that had items for treating women who were pregnant.  She also updated the medical diagnosis program on his omni-tool so that it would send the data back directly to her.  “Your skill level is more than adequate, Kaidan.  Just, go and get her, bring her back.  I’ll take the rest from there.”

As Cortez flew them down to the landing site not two miles from where the _Gambit_ had been tracked, Kaidan gave the pilot last minute instructions: _be ready for anything_.  He’d seen Cortez in action during the war, and any concern he might have had leaving the pilot behind with the shuttle never even took hold because he had seen the man in action before and knew that he could defend himself and the shuttle.  

As the shuttle landed, Kaidan turned to the others.  “I know we still don’t know much about these guys,” he told them, “but presume it’s Cerberus … or better.  Be prepared for anything.  Be aware of what’s going on around you at all times.”

With those words of caution in mind, they exited the shuttle and began the two mile hike.  Surprisingly, it did not take long and then encountered no resistance.  Within a short time, they were entering the complex.  But even here, where they _expected_ to find opposition, they found none.  That began to set off trigger warnings of all sorts, but Kaidan forced them aside.  They would take no chances on missing anything, on presuming anything.  Slowly, methodically, they began making their way through the facility searching for Shepard as well as answers.  At first, the signs were subtle.  Doors that should have been locked, weren’t.  Then they began running across signs of a confrontation.  Furniture tossed across the room or broken to pieces.  The further they moved into the complex, the more evident it became.  Blast marks from weapons began appearing on walls, floors, furniture.  Blood, too, spattered all over, consistent with the signs of violent struggle.  The message was clear:  Someone was fighting their way through.  And, as much as they might hope that it was Shepard trying to break free, they realized that the damage being done was more than one very pregnant woman could manage.  So the question remained.   _Who was it?_

When they’d first entered into the building, Kaidan had hacked into one of the computer terminals and found a layout to the compound.  Everyone in the party now had a copy on their omni-tools in case they became separated.  Using the schematics as a guide, they searched room by room, level by level, working their way through.  It became clear by the time they reached the third floor down that whatever, _who_ ever, was causing the ruckus here was ahead of them and they seriously meant business.  The body count alone just outside of the stairwell that had led down this last time had Kaidan wondering just what sort of business that might be.  The violence did nothing to identify whether it was friend or foe, but the idea that they were an enemy of the Cerberus group had him hoping if it would be someone with whom they could ally themselves.   _The enemy of my enemy is my friend._

“Sir?” Shannon murmured as she drew closer, nose scrunching as she sniffed the air.  

“I smell it,” Kaidan replied, signalling Garrus and Liara to move down the opposite side of the hall, leaving the Lieutenant and Kolyat to follow him.  There was the sharp tang of burnt ozone in the air, one sure sign that biotics had recently been used nearby.  As in _very_ recently.  

A sudden burst of gunfire up ahead of them combined with a loud roar and the immediate shaking of the walls around them had the five of them picking up their pace and moving forward quickly.  “Up ahead, to the right,” Garrus announced.  

They reached the end of the hall, slowing only so they could survey the route ahead before ducking out through the doorway and taking cover as they could.  Up ahead of them, they could see the tell tale signs of battle … and one, lone and very irate fighter taking on no less than twenty adversaries.  Garrus, lifting his Mantis to his shoulder, took a long look through his scope.  “Damn!” he muttered, glancing over at Kaidan.  “Am I seeing who I _think_ I’m seeing?”

It was more difficult for Kaidan who didn’t have the benefit of a high powered scope on his assault rifle, but as he was about to respond to the turian, a loud brash voice could be heard shouting above the sounds of fighting, “Eat this, asshole!”

Kaidan couldn’t refrain from chuckling softly.  “Yeah, looks like it,” he finally managed.   _The enemy of my enemy …._  Yeah, there was no doubt in his mind that this would turn out to be an advantage for their side of things.  Assuming, of course, that Jack didn’t take _his_ head off for allowing Shepard to disappear in the first place.

As their mutual acquaintance continued to move forward with her assault, Kaidan gestured both Liara and Shannon forward. “Watch for her attacks,” he told them.  “Whenever possible, toss in a warp to trigger the biotic explosions.  We need to help her out.”  It had been a tactic Jack had showed them during the war, one that had come in very handy throughout, as well as had been a topic for considerable discussion between her and every other living biotic in Shepard’s group.  Kaidan had lost count by the time they’d reached London just how many times that tactic had saved his or someone else on the team’s lives, but the percentage had been very high indeed.  Now it was time to offer it back to the woman who had helped inform them about it in the first place.

The stragglers were dealt with in quick fashion, and no less than four biotic explosions were used to incapacitate the majority of adversaries.  Only when it was all over and Jack was clearly stepping back from the fight and turning to face them, did Kaidan step forward.  “Holy fuck!” Jack burst out, shock clear in her eyes as they widened.  “What the hell are _you_ doing here?”

Kaidan moved forward, but he knew better than to greet her in any manner other than by responding, “Could ask you the same thing.”

Jack laughed sharply.  “Yeah.”  Then, turning, she began searching the room.  “Where ….?”  Lifting fingers to her lips, she issued a shrill whistle, and moments later, the biotic varren, named Eezo as Kaidan recalled, came bounding into the room.  The transformation that came over Jack then nearly made Kaidan laugh aloud.  “There’s my biotic badass!” she cooed, kneeling down to check him over for injuries, all the while petting and rubbing him and murmuring soft words of praise.  

Garrus walked up to stand beside them and gave Kaidan a questioning look, but Kaidan shook his head.  He wasn’t about to say anything.  If Garrus wanted to risk Jack’s wrath, it was up to him.

When Jack rose to her feet again, she looked around.  “Where’s Shepard?” she asked.  “Figured she’d be with you guys.”

“She’s been kidnapped,” Kaidan told her as the others began examining the bodies around them.  Shannon in particular seemed interested in the design on their armor.  

“Shit!” she hissed.  Then, when it became apparent that Kaidan wasn’t joking, Jack demanded while spinning around to face him head to head, “What the hell do you mean, ‘kidnapped’?”  

“Long story,” Garrus assured her, taking a step between them to avoid any unnecessary bloodshed.  “But essentially, we tracked the ship we think took her to this base.  That’s why _we_ are here.  What are _you_ doing here?”

“Goddamn Cerberus shittheads,” she snorted angrily, hand lifting to brush a few loose strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail back from her eyes.  “Several months back, I began tracking down some of the few who I still ‘owed,’ you know?  Heard some of them had survived after Shepard destroyed Cronos, figured I could do my part and finish up with the stragglers and all.”

Turning, Jack crossed the room and grabbed one of the shields that had been dropped.  The logo design was in clear sight on it.  Facing it towards the others, she continued, “Started realizing fairly quickly that Cerberus had changed their name … and fine tuned their purpose and methods.  Tartarus,” she told them, fingers tracing the T shape on the shield.  “That’s what they call themselves now.”

“Tartarus?” Garrus echoed.

Shannon turned, eyes widening in comprehension.  “That makes sense, in a way,” she announced, resulting in everyone turning to face her.  “I mean, Cerberus … that was the name from Greek mythology.  The three headed dog that guarded the gates to the underworld, ruled by Hades, right?  Tartarus is the deepest, darkest place in the underworld.  If they’re taking over, changing things around now that the Illusive Man is dead, re-defining their agenda, well ….”  

There was a moment of dumbfounded silence before Jack glanced over at Kaidan.  “Who’s your geeky companion?”

“One of my students,” he told her.  “She’s been with Shepard since the Crucible fired.”  Turning back to Shannon, he commented, “That isn’t very reassuring.  If they are associating Greek mythology with their various parts of the organization for specific reasons, that’s hinting that their intentions are even worse than before ….”

Shannon swallowed hard and nodded.  “It is,” she agreed.

“Damn.”  Garrus glanced over at Jack.  “Okay, so … you came across Tartarus while hunting down Cerberus?”

Jack nodded.  “Yup.  Crossed paths with them a few times before I realized who they were.  But then I started hearing some really weird shit.”  She sighed and shook her head.  “I should have figured it had to do with Shepard.  I bet they’re still pissed because of that whole Lazarus thing and how it ended.  Anyway, took out a few who were sent to ‘deal’ with me and found some information on them talking about some ‘Messiah’ they were after.  That’s the big mission, I guess.  To get this Messiah and return them to their headquarters.  Whatever their reasons are, it seems like it’s a big deal to them.”

Kaidan’s eyes closed for a moment.  He heard Shannon call out to him, but he waved her off.  “The Messiah ... Jack, it’s Shepard,” he told Jack.  “Or, rather, … our child she’s carrying.”

“She …. Wait …. What?!” Jack yelled in astonishment.  “You’re shitting me!”

Kaidan sighed.  “Look, Shepard is pregnant with our child.  She was at the time the Crucible fired and she was exposed to all the eezo used in the device.  Eezo exposure to a child so young, well … you know as well as I do what that does.  Only this time ….”

“This time,” Liara broke in for him, “the exposure was so vast in quantity it appears to have given the child a much stronger biotic ability than any human has ever exhibited before.”  She nodded at Jack.  “Dr. Chakwas believes the child’s biotic ability to be on a level comparable to an asari.”

Jack stood in frozen silence for a moment, her eyes darting back and forth between Kaidan and Liara.  Then, with a groan, her hand rising in a fist, she turned and threw off her anger in a wave of biotic energy aimed towards the far side of the room and a loud roaring yell.  “Fuck!” she spat out.  

“Tartarus has been trying to get her for months now,” Kaidan added.  “That’s why we left Earth.  We’ve had several confrontations, the last of which was aboard the Citadel.  This last time, just about two weeks ago, they snuck aboard the _Normandy_ while we were docked at Arcturus and they kidnapped her.”

The glowering look in her eyes would be enough to make most people back down, but not Kaidan.  “How the hell …?”

“Tactical cloaks,” Garrus told her.  “As near as we can figure, they modified one to hide her as they took her.”

“Shit,” she hissed.  “That’s … that’s really fucked up.  Man.  Okay … so the Messiah is this child ….”  Kaidan glanced over at Jack and saw her shudder, eyes hooded in anger and disgust with just the slightest hint of her biotics peeking through.  Kaidan had seen her in action before, even if it was only over at the Armax arena, but he also knew her to be as controlled as he was with his.  Until she got angered ….  “Dammit!  I’ll be fucking _damned_ if they’re going to start up this shit again!  Not again!   _NEVER AGAIN!_ ”  

Her cry echoed throughout the room, nearly painful in its volume as well as content, but Kaidan understood what was behind it.  After observing Jack the one time at the Armax arena, Kaidan had asked Shepard some very pointed questions regarding the younger woman.  In return, Shepard had told him about Jack’s background, about being a guinea pig for Cerberus and their attempts to create a super-biotic.  She’d also told him of what had happened afterwards, and Kaidan had been amazed at how Jack had managed to find a way to survive.  And right now, he realized that her instinct for survival could possibly work in their favor.  If he could get things back on track.  He hoped that would be the case.  “Your information said she’s here?” he asked instead of commenting on her outburst.

It took a long moment for Jack to pull herself back to the matter at hand, but when she did, she nodded.  “Yeah, if what you’re saying about the Messiah is true, then this facility is where they’ve got her.”

Kaidan straightened and nodded.  “Then we have a job to do,” he told the others.  

“Hey,” Jack called out, some of her old snark and attitude falling back into its proper place, “don’t be thinking you’re leaving me behind, asshole!”

Kaidan actually chuckled as he glanced back over at her.  “And waste a valuable asset such as yourself?” he countered.  “Not this time, Jack.  You can be our secret weapon.”

An almost feral grin pulled at Jack’s lips then.  “Good.  Oh, and just so you know,” she added as she moved up beside him, calling Eezo to her side, “once we’re outta here, I think I’ll be sticking around for a while.”

“Oh, really?” he asked.

She snorted.  “Yeah.  If a dumbass like you can’t keep track of Shepard, you need someone who can.  And once the kid is born ….”  She left the rest of her thought hanging, but they both knew where she’d been headed.  

Kaidan simply rolled his eyes and led the way out of the room and down the hall.  He could think of worse arrangements than to have a ‘psychotic biotic’ around to protect his child from danger.

 

* * *

 

She’d lost count of the days a long while back.  She’d tried a couple of times to reconstruct events as they’d happened, to assign some sort of weight and measurement to them, but inevitably she still came up short.  Between being unconscious in the beginning and her captors’ continued efforts to keep her that way as much as possible, there really was no way of knowing just how much time had actually passed.  Besides, they’d taken her omni-tool from her, too.  No way to check anything, no way to even hope of being able to signal anyone, even if she could figure out where she was to begin with.  No way to burn the ever living hell out of them either.  It was a distressing development, realizing she was literally quite alone and unarmed.  Then again, had she had her omni-tool, there was no guarantee she’d be able to find a way to do any of that either, as dopey and messed up as they were keeping her.  Hell, there were times when it was all she could do to remember _WHO_ she was, let alone attempt to sort out _where_ she was and find ways to try to effectively make an escape.  Waking up groggy, disoriented, hazy … reality had become a very scary proposition for her every time she opened her eyes.  Which, of course, what what they’d wanted.  Psychological warfare could be an effective tool, that much Shepard knew.  

But, over what she guessed to be the past few days, they had been allowing her to waken for longer periods of time.  That was something, she supposed, though from some of what she’d overheard by guards or whoever it was she had been able to hear walking by her room outside her door, or the few people allowed to bring her food (the same three had been bringing her three meals a day for a while now), the best she could discern was that it had more to do with the fact they didn’t want to take a chance on harming the baby by leaving Shepard unconscious all the time.  

There was another scary thought:  While unconscious, what exactly had they (and she still wasn’t certain who ‘they’ were!) done to her?  To her child?  While not set up exactly like Kaidan’s, Shepard had the basic life support scans available on her omni-tool.  It would have been nice to have it and it certainly would have been reassuring to determine these things on her own instead of worrying about them.  Yet again, Shepard realized, evidence of psychological warfare.  

However, out of this entire situation, some positives could be found … or, at least she tried to convince herself of that.  Her crew would have figured out she was missing by now.  If not right away, certainly by the time they were to leave Arcturus they would have noticed.  After that it was simply a matter of tracking down the when, where, how … all of it.  Shepard had no concerns in that regard.  No, her worries came when thinking about how long that investigative process might actually end up taking.  Generally speaking, a thorough investigation into something like this could take weeks … months even.  

Shepard glanced down at her swollen belly, her hand moving to pat lightly over the movement there.  “It’s okay, Little Bug,” she murmured softly.  Yeah, concern was a very real thing to her since she only had weeks or possibly a couple of months at most before Little Bug was due to make her debut appearance.  The thought of what would happen after that ….

Shepard shuddered and pushed the thought away.   _One step at a time_ , she reminded herself, damning the psychological warfare to the background.   _No thinking that far ahead.  One step, one day at a time._  The sound of the door opening caught her attention and Shepard, seated upon the cot they’d laid her on upon her arrival, turned towards the sound.   _One meal at a time_.  

Sure enough, it was one of the three people who were responsible for delivering her food.  ‘Tom,’ ‘Dick’ and ‘Harry,’ she’d dubbed them.  Average enough looking that she doubted she’d be able to pick them out of a lineup at a later date.  They rarely ever spoke, and when they did their voices were in such hoarse, hushed whispers it was all Shepard could do to make out _what_ they were saying let alone what they sounded like.  This visit it was Harry, the youngest looking of the three (In an attempt to make himself appear older, Dick had a mustache, or at least was trying to grow one; and Tom’s mostly (she thought) green eyes were often hidden behind a telemetric visor of some sort that reminded her of Garrus’).  As per Harry’s usual, he set the food tray on the table against the wall near the door, took the remains of the previous one, and quickly exited the room.  The only sign that he’d actually been there, aside from the food-ladened tray, was the sound of the lock engaging in the door.  Sighing heavily, Shepard struggled to her feet.  However, she did not turn towards the food.

The room she was in was, for all intents and purposes, bare.  There were no windows, no doors but the one, and the only furnishings in the room were a bed, a small sink and toilet in the far corner, and a lightweight table beside the door.  Nothing heavy, nothing that could be broken or used as a weapon or, counterpoint, for self defense.  Not even a chair to sit on to eat at the table.  The room was about as sterile and ‘safe’ as it could be given the circumstances.  

Continuing to ignore the food (Shepard suspected that was how they got her to ingest the sedatives), Shepard focused instead on walking around the room.  One booted foot in front of the other.  The exercise felt good and reminded her that, despite her current circumstances, she was still alive.  And if she was alive, she could find a way out.  She’d done this several times before, in the hopes that the added exercise would somehow flush the sedatives from her system and provide her with enough coherence to focus more on a way to escape and no one had ever tried to stop her.  Then again, they really had little reason to worry.  Carrying a baby at just over eight months along, it wouldn’t be long before she _was_ hungry again, if only because of the child.  All they had to do was remain patient.  The battle became Shepard’s as she was the one who would have to fight back the urges and needs of her unborn child.

As physically slow as she was at the moment (Shepard suspected that was due to the last dose of sedatives still wearing off), she was still coherent enough to notice conditions of her environment around her that seemed out of the ordinary.  This realization caught her off guard almost right away and the first thought that had run through her mind had been chilling indeed.  As she’d been counting off paces from one end of the room to another (she had to keep her head engaged to shake off the effects of the drugs), she felt her vision blur slightly.  Pausing, Shepard blinked a few times, rubbed a hand over her eyes and tried to push back the immediate sense of panic.  Given the sheer amount of stress she’d been under in recent days and weeks, Dr. Chakwas had warned her of some of the signs to watch for in case the stress should start affecting the child which in turn would affect her.  Blurred vision was one of them, and the thought of what it might indicate was truly frightening (though she understood it could be indicative of other things as well).  It took tremendous effort of will for Shepard not to panic in that moment.

But then it passed, and Shepard straightened up, blinking back surprise.  She resumed her walking, only to have the exact same thing happen again just a few steps later.  It was after the fourth repeat that a memory, and realization along with it, returned.  Moving a hand to smooth over her child, Shepard murmured, “It’s okay, Little Bug.  We’re going to be just fine.”  Whether it was the sound of her voice or the words that she spoke or the simple tone of voice, Shepard didn’t know, but the blurriness began to fade again, slowly.  “Your father’s a very smart man.  He will find a way to find us.  He has many very good people helping him, too.  Uncle Garrus, Auntie Liara … everyone else aboard the _Normandy._  I bet you right now they’re combing this entire galaxy looking for you and me.”  She started walking again as the blurriness faded completely, though she kept her hand resting over the baby, rubbing gently.  “Just you wait and see.  Anytime now, he’s going to come charging in here, break open that door and get us out of here safely.”  Shepard sighed.  In the ‘old days,’ she might have met him halfway, bursting down the door on her own and fighting her way to him.   

Shepard was passing the door, doing her best to ignore the tantalizing aromas of the food that had been left when she first heard a noise.  Frowning, she stepped closer to the door.  It was securely locked from the other side, no doubt about that, and there was no way in which she could see beyond the barricade, but she swore she could hear the sounds of a battle of some sort going on out there.  She paused, leaning so that she could press her ear against the door.  For the briefest of moments, she thought she could hear muted voices, voices that held a certain edge of panic, but then there was a blast or boom of some sort and she had to pull back or risk her ear drum blowing out.  Whatever it was on the other side, she evaluated it as being non-friendly, and she moved back to the far side of the room as quickly as she could.  

It was times like this that Shepard would have given almost anything to at least have her Paladin at her side.  It wasn’t her nature to sit back and wait for rescue.  She was, if anything, used to being the rescuer.  But without a weapon, she had no way to do anything but just … wait.  Hell, she’d even settle for her ‘tool if she could get a hold of it just so she could try to incinerate anyone who would try attacking, or at the very least attempt to burn out the lock so that the door would open.  But without either of those two things, she was stuck.  Empty handed.  Completely unarmed and ….

Her vision blurred again, and Shepard groaned.  “Little Bug,” she chided softly, “now is not the time to panic.  Mama is trying to think ….”

And in the space of one second, the recollection hit her solidly.  She _did_ have a weapon, such as it was, _if_ it was still available after all this time.  Throughout the latter part of the war, she’d relied upon that one biotic move learned from Aria T’Loak during the retaking of Omega.  The discovery that she had access to it had come as a shock and a surprise to her, but in the end, the result had been well worth it.  The byproduct of years of exposure to trace amounts of eezo, exacerbated by the concentrated exposure of it deep within the eezo mines of Omega had given her the unexpected, if untrained, ability to use it without aid of an implant or amplifier.  Shepard now found herself wondering.  The baby she was carrying was biotic - a _natural_ biotic - because of the huge amounts of eezo that she’d been exposed to at the time when the Crucible had fired.  Could that exposure have heightened Shepard’s ability as well?  Or at least re-supplied it, so to speak?  With everything that had happened since waking from her coma, Shepard hadn’t even given it any consideration since then.

Glancing down at her hand, Shepard concentrated, focusing all of her attention, using the manners and methods that Kaidan, Liara and later, Jack and Miranda had taught her.  It was something they’d decided to keep hidden from the rest of the galaxy as much as possible, a ‘secret weapon’ of sorts that no one outside their group would know about until it was, quite literally, too late.  A weapon of last resort ….

The tell tale signs of bluish dark energy started as a weak flickering and soon began to waver more steadily around her hand and wrist just as they had months before.  Eyes widening, breath catching in hope for the first time in days, Shepard began thinking frantically.  There was a catch.   _If_ she did this, the blast would ricochet debris around the room … and at present, she had no armor for protection.   _Cover … I need some sort of cover_ …  She decided on the table, lightweight though it was, but over on the far side of the room.  Thin and flimsy as it was, it offered some sort of protection, even if it wasn’t very good.  Moving the tray aside, she grabbed the table and pulled it backwards until she had it in position on its side on the far side of the room.  

Now the question became … did she wait for someone to arrive at her door and take a chance that they would open it or did she attempt to open it herself by using her biotic blast?  She could hear the sounds getting louder from outside but still was uncertain what she might face out there.  On her own, impeded by the advanced state of her pregnancy, it would be difficult for her to literally fight her way out of this place.  That plus there would be some recovery time needed to recharge her biotics had her hesitating.  Also, she had no protein bars or other sources of food and energy that she trusted to draw on for replenishment, and she could feel the almost painful gnawing sensations in her stomach indicating that hunger would soon become an issue.  It appeared that this might be a one time shot, certainly no more than two.  She had to make them count!

Shepard felt her vision beginning to blur again and her hand moved automatically.  “It’s okay, Little Bug,” she murmured.  Her child was reacting in fear, certainly feeding off of Shepard’s heightened adrenaline as the noises outside the room moved ever closer to her location.  It was time to do something.   _Any_ thing.  “Mama’s got this.”

But before she could come to any definitive decision as to _what_ to do, Shepard heard sounds right _at_ her door.  There was no more time to decide.  Instincts kicked into high gear.  A fresh wave of adrenaline surged through her and she began moving.  For her, though, it felt almost as if it was happening in slow motion.  The rapid increase of biotic energy in her arm and hand.  The flow of motion as she rose up to use the energy in the move that she’d seen Aria do so many times during their retaking of Omega.  Her instantaneous drop to her knees as the energy released from her fingertips, falling low beneath the edge of the upturned table, arms wrapped around her belly to protect herself and her child as much as she could even though she wore no armor.  What normally took mere seconds to do seemed to take a lifetime this time, but in the end, Shepard was aware that her aim had been true.  And as she took cover, the world suddenly speeding up once more to real time, she heard the explosive boom that went along with the move … only it seemed so much louder than before.  Had she put too much into it? she wondered.  Had she used up all her resources in that one, desperate shot?  Would she have anything left with which to protect her child now?  Shepard slowly began rising, preparing herself to face whatever came next....

 

* * *

 

The blast before them came as a surprise.  The few Tartarus fighters who remained were closest to the door and therefore were thrown farthest with the explosion.  The others were far enough away to only be jostled heavily by the shockwave of the blast.  Knocked off his feet, as Kaidan rose back up, his instinct was to panic.  But he did his best to remain calm.  As the seconds passed, realization struck.  He _knew_ that blast.  Recognized the way it had radiated outwards.  The damage pattern on what used to be the door.  God knew he’d seen it enough during the war, his last memories of it were from that last desperate fight through the streets of London.  Had he and Liara not witnessed Shepard taking out brutes and banshees with it?  “Shepard?” he called out, unable to hide the surge of emotion in his voice as he scrambled through the debris and eventually into the room itself.  

The others quickly followed suit, scrambling over bodies and rubble, carefully maneuvering their way through the now disfigured door.  Inside the room, the haze caused by the explosion began to fade, and after a moment they could see the shape of a dark head peering up over the edge of a makeshift barricade, dark tangled hair now covered with dust and debris ….  “Hey,” Shepard’s voice was a bit rough, almost raspy sounding, but there was a smile of relief there.  “Took you long enough.”  She coughed before adding, “Weren’t my directions good enough?”

Ignoring her weak attempts at humor, Kaidan quickly approached, moving around the table she’d been hiding behind and crouching beside her.  “Are you okay?” he asked, hand reaching out to run along her cheek for a moment before he began initiating the medical scans on his omni-tool.  

Shepard coughed a couple more times, shoulders shaking with the intensity, but she nodded.  “Fine,” she managed to gasp after a moment.  She glanced over at the others and ….  “Jack?!”  Stunned, Shepard began struggling to her feet.  Rather than arguing with her, Kaidan kept running his scans as he assisted her up.

“Shit, he really _DID_ knock you up!” Jack said by way of greeting as she made her way across the room.  

There was a hint of anger in her tone, though Shepard thought she could also hear wry amusement.  “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Long story,” Jack told her with a wide grin.  “Let’s just say that my timing couldn’t have been better.”  

Shepard snorted softly.  “I can imagine.”  Turning, she glanced over at the others.  “Can we go now?” she asked, weariness finally beginning to settle over her.  “Your daughter is starving and I really would like to eat at a different restaurant.”

Kaidan’s eyes found hers.  “They haven’t been feeding you?” he asked in surprise.

Shepard shook her head.  “Not that, just … they’ve been drugging me, keeping me asleep most of the time.  I think it’s been in the food.”  She watched as he started yet another scan, but she reached out and pushed his hand away.  “Kaidan, I’m fine.   _She’s_ fine.  Just … take us home, okay?”

Sighing, he nodded, lowering his omni-tool and retrieving his weapon.  Shepard wasn’t surprised when Shannon came over to her left and Jack moved to her right, leading her out afterwards.  “So tell me,” Jack commented in the most conversational tone Shepard thought she’d ever heard from the younger woman, “what the fuck was that thing you just did?”  

Shepard smiled.  “Remember that thing I did after Omega?” she asked.  “The one I showed you when we were at Armax?”

“No fucking way!”  Jack’s eyes widened in surprise. “You can do _THAT_ much damage with that move now? she exclaimed.  “Shit!”

Shepard chuckled.  “Well, I have to say this time it was a lot more powerful than before,” she admitted.  She then shrugged.  “Not sure why, though I have a few guesses.  I’d completely forgotten about it as an option, to be honest.  Until about a half hour ago, anyway.”

Shepard caught a blur of movement and a vaguely recognizable sound to her right and turned to find a familiar looking varren bounding towards them.  Glancing at Jack, she asked, “Eezo?”

Jack laughed.  “Yeah, my biotic badass made it through.  He’s been helping me out lately.”

“Doing what?” Shepard countered.  “You do realize, Kahlee’s been trying to find you.”

Jack hesitated, frowning.  “Yeah … about that ….”

They started up the first set of stairs, going slow and easy for Shepard’s sake, but Garrus quickly moved up to take position beside Kaidan so that they had the heavier guns up front if necessary.  Kolyat and Liara remained at the rear guarding that avenue.  Shepard glanced over at Jack as they climbed.  “What about it?”

Jack shrugged.  “Not sure it’s the best thing for me right now, you know?”

Shepard grimaced and halted for a moment as the baby shifted within her in mid-step.  While not technically painful, it had caught her off guard and felt … awkward.  The rest of the group halted and gave her the time she needed.  “Why not?” she asked a moment later as she started up again.  

“Too much other shit to worry about,” Jack told her.  “You know, I thought you were a marine, Shepard!” Jack taunted a moment later, clearly trying to shift the conversation back to something somewhat tolerable for her.  “Quit talking and get your lazy pregnant ass moving!”

But that didn’t happen.  A soft gasp had Shepard glancing towards Shannon.  “General,” she nodded towards Shepard’s left arm, “you’re injured!”  

Sure enough, evidence of a darkening bloodstain in the upper portion of her sleeve indicated that she had sustained some sort of injury.  Before Shepard could stop her, Shannon was calling Kaidan back down.  From her other side, Shepard could hear Jack snorting incredulously, “ _General?!_  You mean, you let them promote you?”

Shepard tossed the biotic a dark look.  “It wasn’t like I had a choice!” she hissed.  “Ouch!”  Turning back, she faced off with Kaidan who had grasped the top of her sleeve, yanking it and tearing it down off her arm.  She winced as his fingers began their examination of the area.  “Can’t this wait until we’re back on the _Normandy_?” she asked.

“No,” he replied while reaching for the kit at his waist.  

“Kaidan -”

“Just hush and let me do this.  Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded.

Shepard sighed.  “Because I didn’t feel it, okay?”  Muttering, she glanced over at Jack who stood by, arms crossed, signs of obvious amusement crossing her face.  “Oh shut up and go stand watch with Garrus or something useful!” Shepard ordered her grumpily.  To her credit, Jack did as asked, Eezo trailing after her, but the younger woman was chuckling as she walked by.

“Ow!”  Returning her gaze over to what her husband was doing, Shepard noticed he now held a large pair of tweezer-like things and was attempting to pull a piece of shrapnel from her bicep.  “Kaidan!”

He worked quickly and efficiently and within a short time had the piece of what Shepard assumed was the table she’d hidden behind removed from her arm, medi-gel applied, and was wrapping a bandage around the area to protect it.  “Flex your arm,” he instructed as he closed the kit at his waist.  Shepard did so and he nodded.  “That’ll have to do until Dr. Chakwas can look at it.”

Shepard narrowed her eyes at him.  “I am _fine_ ,” she insisted.  “I just need a good meal, a hot shower and to get the hell away from this place!”

As Kaidan moved to the front again, Jack returned, snickering, “And here I thought you were going to say ‘hot sex’ or something.”

Shepard thought she heard a somewhat strangled noise from Kaidan’s direction, but she wasn’t certain.  Meeting Jack’s gaze, because Shepard knew there was a challenge in her friend’s words, Shepard returned without hesitating or flinching, “Shower has to get steamy somehow, right?”  This time, she was positive it was Kaidan making the sound.  

“Alright, kids,” Garrus called back to them, a slight chuckle even in _his_ tone, “let’s get moving again.”

Only once, right as they were about to exit the building for the shuttle that Cortez was bringing in to pick them up, did they run into any opposition.  At that point, Shannon pulled Shepard into a protected corner and handed over the pistol she’d been carrying and two clips.  Shannon and Jack both moved into a formation that had them providing protective coverage of Shepard, with Liara moving out to assist Kaidan, Garrus and Kolyat.  Even Eezo ran out into the midst of battle, utilizing his techniques to stun and toss enemy soldiers as he could.  Thankfully, the battle itself didn’t last long.  Whether due to low reserves on the enemy’s part or the fact that Shepard’s group was just that talented, she wasn’t certain, but she wouldn’t complain either.  

Finally exiting the building, Shepard followed Kaidan and the others into the shuttle, seating herself as Kaidan called out to Cortez, “Get us out of here.”  

“Yes, sir!” Cortez replied, hands already manipulating the console and bringing the shuttle up off the ground.  A moment later, he glanced back and caught Shepard’s gaze.  “Welcome home, ma’am.”

Shepard smiled back at him.  “Thanks, Steve.”  

Kaidan dropped into the seat beside her a moment later and Shepard leaned against him, head falling to rest on his shoulder.  She wasn’t surprised at all to feel his arm slide around her back in return.  Sighing, she murmured, “So, are we having fun yet?”

“Shepard ….”

Shepard reached out for his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.  “Look, I’ll agree this was a bit more aggressive for them,” she told him quietly.  “Even the Illusive Man didn’t stoop to kidnapping.”

“I always got the impression he was the cold-hearted killing type,” Garrus mused from nearby.

Shepard managed a chuckle.  “He had his opportunities with me,” she reminded her friend, “but he never stooped to this level.  No, I think it’s safe to assume that whoever took over control of Cerberus has an entirely different agenda, and doesn’t mind doing whatever it takes to achieve it.”

There were a few minutes of silence jarred only by the rattle of the shuttle as it broke the atmosphere of the planet and continued towards the _Normandy_.  

“Damn it!”

The sudden outburst startled Shepard, but she turned towards Jack, concern in her gaze.  “What is it?”

“You’re doing it again!” Jack accused.  Leaning against the wall, arms folded across her chest, Eezo flopped onto the floor and lying across her feet, she was nearly glowering over at Shepard.

Shepard exchanged a quick look with Kaidan who simply shrugged.  “And just what is it that I am doing?” Shepard countered.

“Pulling me in, making me part of your team again!” Jack growled.  “Shit!  How do I let myself be -”

“I don’t think I’ve requested your help,” Shepard reminded her mildly.  “Yet.”

Jack’s snort was loud enough to cause Eezo to jump to his feet at full alert.  “You think I don’t know what they’re after?” she challenged, the ever present anger inside of her building up and spilling over yet again.  “You think I’m going to let you put that,” she pointed at Shepard’s belly, “kid in danger because you’re not ready for them?  I lived through it the first time!  No way in fucking way in hell I’m going to let let that kind of shit happen again to some unsuspecting kid!”

During Jack’s rant, the shuttle came to a shuddering standstill as it landed inside the _Normandy’_ ’s shuttle bay.  When Kaidan rose, pulling her up beside him, Shepard followed wordlessly.  But as they walked towards the exit to the craft, Shepard cast a sidelong glance over at Jack, a knowing smile playing at her lips.  “I guess that means we’ve got a babysitter then,” she commented to Kaidan.  Then over her shoulder, she added, “Welcome to the team, Jack,” before allowing Kaidan to lead her off towards the elevators and, presumably, the medical bay.  

As they walked through the shuttle bay, Shepard shared a grin with Kaidan as Jack’s voice behind them could be heard shouting, “Fuck you, Shepard!”

“Ahh,” Garrus commented as he followed along, “just like old times.”

Shepard could hold her amusement in no longer and gave into a laugh.  “Indeed it is, my friend.”  She watched as Jack stepped out of the shuttle finally, jogging over to join them on the elevator, Eezo in tow.  “Indeed it is.”  Jack ignored her for the trip up, departing on the engineering level instead.  But the look shared by the two just before the elevator door closed told Shepard much.  “Welcome home,” she whispered after her friend as the lift began moving again.  

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first real attempt at trying to capture Jack's character without use of in-game dialogue. Any comments or feedback would be appreciated!


	35. Pep Talk

The elevator ride from the shuttle bay to the crew deck seemed to take forever.  It was the perfect opening.  The opportunity he needed.  And yet, Kaidan said nothing the entire trip.  There was no point to it, he reasoned.  The mission objective had been achieved.  Everyone (and then some) had returned to the Normandy safely.  From this point forward, they would take absolutely nothing for granted when it came to potential attacks by this … Tartarus, or whatever the hell it was they were called, but beyond that the status quo had been re-established.  He was a soldier, a man used to doing whatever was needed to get the job done.  Of protecting those who needed it.  On top of that, he was a Council Spectre.  Any means necessary to ensure the safety the galaxy and preserve peace.

Well, the lack of peace might be forgiven if he ever got his hands directly on any of the people from the Tartarus organization.  Then again, he might be taking things just a bit too personally at the moment.  This wasn’t his normal view on things, was it?  He was the more thoughtful, considering, weighing of all options available, diplomatic type.  Usually.  On the other hand, last time he checked, his wife (an Alliance marine and Council Spectre in her own right) and child were a part of the known galaxy.  So as far as he, was concerned, and he understood that the rest of the Normandy crew would back him up on this, that made Tartarus fair game.  They’d initiated these actions, they could pay for them if opportunity ever arose.  An eye for an eye.

Assuming they could be found ….

As the doors to the medbay opened and Kaidan guided Shepard inside, he was thankful to see Dr. Chakwas waiting for them.  He guessed Cortez had alerted her of their return.  The doctor immediately pulled Shepard aside, began running her scans, speaking in her usual manner with Shepard, asking what details she could recall from her captivity.  As Shepard replied, Kaidan stood off to the side, arms crossed, listening intently, his powers of observation working a mile a minute.  Every nuance of the doctor’s movements, questions asked and responses given were catalogued and memorized.  Shepard’s reactions, replies and hesitations or subpar responses were duly noted as well.  He was determined that nothing even the slightest bit out of the ordinary would escape his notice.

After a time, Kaidan saw Shepard glance over in his direction.  Not to speak, nor silently communicate as they so often did with subtle gestures or facial expressions, but rather with just an observing eye.  She knew him well; he had no doubts she was evaluating him just as he was her in that moment.  He wondered if she could see each and every line in around his eyes caused by stress over the past two weeks.  He might appear calm, cool and collected on the outside during a crisis, but inside, he had been churning at levels unknown before this incident.  Anger eating away at him from deep inside his gut until it had triggered one of his migraines, and even then he’d continued on the hunt.  Vigilant.  He couldn’t and wouldn’t stop.  Not again.  Never again.

When Dr. Chakwas released Shepard with only the admonition to rest when she felt she needed it, Kaidan watched Shepard nod her agreement as she joined him.  “Ready?” he asked her.  Her nod was all the answer he needed to lead her out of the medbay.  

They made the rounds of the ship next at Shepard’s insistence, visiting with those who hadn’t been on the mission to retrieve her, reassuring everyone that all was well and that Shepard would indeed be okay.  ‘The proof was in the pudding,’ as the saying went, and seeing Shepard up and around and acting as if all was well went a long way towards convincing the rest.  However, it was during this time that Kaidan’s withdrawal became most apparent.  Where under normal circumstances he might have interjected reassuring comments to the crew, praise for a job well done or even gratitude for their assistance in finding her - all part of his daily routine and particularly in his role as Captain of the ship even without recent events - he instead elected to remain silent.  There were times, in past, when he’d compared his style of command to Shepard’s and found it to be lacking.  Yet, he knew his current state of mind had nothing to do with any of that.  No, this was more of a personal reaction to events, and it wasn’t really unexpected.  

Shepard knew this, too.  She’d observed it in the past.  The delayed reaction.  Once assured that all was well again and on it’s way back to normalcy, his personal reactions would sneak up and assault him, adding insult to injury, in Shepard’s opinion.  Not that she wasn’t guilty of it either, but Kaidan always seemed to be so much harder on himself.  Like she was doing now with the rest of the crew, Shepard acknowledged that she would need to spend some time talking with him, reassuring him, making certain that he believed that all would be well from here on out.  He might be the captain of the Normandy now, but he was still a human being.

But for the moment, as they traveled through the ship she took extra time stopping to speak with anyone who wished it, her focus was on making certain that everyone aboard understood that, despite what had happened, she firmly believed that all would be fine from there on out.  She trusted them as they trusted her.  Recent events would not change that at all.  She wanted it known that despite her condition or the nature of her being targeted by their enemies, she was Commander Shepard, no matter her promotion in rank.  Joker, of course, turned much of their conversation into laughter, even if it was wry and dark at times.  Cortez had a reassuring and calming presence, reminding Shepard in subtle ways that he understood so much more than most people thought at first glance.  And Jack ….  Shepard found it more difficult to bite back some of her amusement at Jack’s reaction, especially with Kaidan standing beside her, but after a few minutes of rather vocal discussion regarding security measures onboard the Normandy, Shepard felt safe in leaving her friend and Eezo to their own devices for the time being.  Only then did she turn her attention to her husband.  

Inside the elevator, standing beside one another as they rode towards their cabin, Shepard came up with her plan.  It would, she hoped, serve her well in the next little while.  All too well, she recalled incidents from over the years - the near miss with the thresher maw on Edolus; another on the Citadel, the slave-child from Mindoir whom Shepard had known from her past; two years of him believing she was dead, only to find out she wasn’t; and then the war and the oh so many near misses up to and including London.  Shepard knew exactly how Kaidan reacted each and every time.  It had begun way back, on Eden Prime, that first adventure that had started it all.  She’d known based off his reaction when she woke in the medbay after her experience with the Prothean beacon.  Of Ashley’s recounting of events planetside.  It had taken some weeks before Shepard had realized just why he’d felt that way, that he’d come to care so much in such a short time … but then again, by that point she’d had her own awakening of sorts.  Virmire had only sealed their fate, so to speak.

Shepard, in the here and now, decided to allow Kaidan to think he was in control of the situation, that it was his idea for them to head back to the cabin.  Allow him that sense of control of the situation in hopes that it might help him transition back into the normal routine aboard ship.  Once inside the cabin, Shepard followed Kaidan down to the bed where she sat first, leaving space beside her for him.  He sat; she waited.  It didn’t take long for him to speak.

“Shepard ….”

Holding her tongue for the moment, Shepard simply reached her hand over to slide into his, squeezing gently, reassuringly as she did so.  He didn’t return the pressure immediately, though she thought she felt a shudder pass through him.  Turning, she sat half facing him, eyes searching his.  Other hand raising, she pressed her palm against the warmth of his cheek, thumb brushing along his cheekbone just beneath his eye.  “I knew you’d come,” she told him quietly.  

She definitely felt him shudder this time, saw his eyes close, felt his one hand finally tightening over hers while the other lifted to pull her close enough for him to kiss her.  She met and matched his kiss, releasing her own worries and finding comfort with him.  Though there was a hint of desperation in the touch, both kept tight rein on its release.  This wasn’t about passion, but about relief and healing.

“Shepard, I’m sorry.”

She moved quickly, hand lowering to cover his lips and keep him from putting voice to the entire thought.  “No,” she insisted, resting her forehead against his, “no apologies.  You were not at fault here.  We underestimated them is all.”

He sighed and spoke against her fingers, the depth of his pain still visible in his eyes.  “We should have -”

Again, she pressed firmly to silence him.  “And we will,” she assured him.  “Kaidan, they found a weak point and exploited it.  You know damned well it’s what we would have done if our positions had been reversed, right?”  He nodded.  Sitting back, she lowered her hand so that she could hold both of his now.  “Now we know better.  We can take extra precautions from here out.”

He sighed, nodding.  “But, what if -” he tried once again.

Shepard shook her head sharply.  “No ‘what ifs,’ Kaidan.  We can’t live in a world of speculation.  In our line of work that would destroy us.  We must live in a world of decisive action.  What do we know?  What did we learn?  We won’t underestimate them again.  We will do whatever is necessary to protect ourselves against them.”  She could not voice doubt in that moment.  Not for him, the child or for herself.  He was a man who internalized his pain.  Compartmentalized.  Hyperfocused on the issue until it was resolved, in most instances.  But after that?  She did not want to remind him of her past - of Mindoir, of Akuze, of Alchera or London - she could only hope that by speaking with conviction in this moment, it would help him move beyond the present and lead him back to his usual calm, collected, determined self.  During the war, she’d once teased him, asking him what she’d ever do without him around.  She’d known the moment he’d replied that he wouldn’t lose her again.  She aimed to help keep that promise.

Tugging on his hand, she offered him a smile and began scooting further up onto the bed.  “Come on,” she urged gently.

He followed, perhaps a bit reluctantly, though she suspected he was fighting his own inner demons more than anything else in that moment.  Once he was on the bed and lying beside her, though, she rolled (awkwardly) to face him.  “Know what I missed most?” she asked, the slightest hint of amusement to her tone.  She sincerely hoped this would help put him at ease.  

“What’s that?” he asked, hand rising to touch her face, trace the familiar scars there, ease a loose strand of hair behind an ear.  

Shepard’s smile widened a bit.  “Being warm while I slept,” she replied.  “I swear, I’m never warm unless you’ve got your arms around me.”

His eyes shut quickly and she heard him gasp sharply, in pain or something else she was not certain, but a moment later when he opened them again and sought out hers, she could see that he was a bit easier than before.  “I’ve never met anyone who can be so damned cold all the time,” he teased back in return while moving his arms around her and pulling her as close as he could.  He pressed a kiss to her forehead as she snuggled close.  “Even with your sweaters.”  He smiled into her hair as he told her, “Go ahead and sleep.  I’ll stay and keep you warm.”

She slipped an arm around his waist and closed her eyes.  It was a start at least.  The rest would fall back into place on its own.

 

* * *

 

 

Shepard woke when Kaidan rose some time later.  He explained he needed to get back on duty and she quickly agreed while promising him that she would take it easy.  “I’ll go see Jack again,” she offered.  “Make certain she’s settling in okay.”  The chuckle as Kaidan left the room suggested his views on how successful that might be.

The hunt for her biotic friend began in the mess hall on the crew deck, but after a cup of (Kaidan and Dr. Chakwas) approved tea and something to eat, Shepard next set out for the the storage area below Main Engineering.  Not finding Jack in her old haunt, Shepard expanded her search, eventually working her way down to the shuttle bay.  Success at last.  Stepping off the elevator, Shepard found her friend and Eezo wandering around the open shuttle bay, apparently getting some exercise.  

Cortez glanced over the minute Shepard stepped off the elevator and he smiled in her direction.  “Hey, Shepard,” he greeted her, walking over so neither would have to yell in order to communicate.

“Hey, Steve.”  She glanced around the area.  Home sweet home.  “All good down here?”

He nodded.  “We’re ready whenever you need us,” he promised.

Departing with a smile, Shepard made her way across the open bay in the direction of Vega’s old haunt.  Most of his things had been cleared out, though she noted some of his gym equipment had been left behind.  She couldn’t help but grin at this.  It was decent gear, collected over the weeks and months of the Reaper war.  That James had liked working out, fine tuning his body and keeping in shape had not been in question, but Shepard had wondered if it had also been a distraction for the younger man as well.  A way in which to keep him from remembering what all had been left behind on Earth.  But even so, to see some of the hard earned equipment still here told her a thing or two as well.  He planned to be back.

“So,” a sarcastic yet friendly drawl began as Shepard neared, “you’re doing the whole ‘old lady’ thing now, are you?”

Shepard snorted softly in amusement.  Side glancing her friend, she challenged back, “Before I answer that question, I want to know what part of me you think is ‘old’ and what part is ‘lady.’”  

Jack’s chuckle was familiar and in its own way, comforting.  Apparently feeling restless, the younger woman stepped up and lifted herself to the bar Vega had often used for his pull ups.  Shepard wasn’t surprised by at all, though, as Jack began imitating the former lieutenant’s actions.  

Leaning back against the table, Shepard silently kept her eyes upon Jack for a while, content to observe, the only sounds around them Jack’s heavier breaths as she put more effort into her activities.  “So,” Shepard mused after a few moments, “I suppose I should be thanking you.”

Jack, in her usual manner, snorted.  “Well, I’m certainly not thanking you for dragging my ass back onto your ship,” she countered.  

Folding her arms across her chest, Shepard continued to watch her friend.  “That so?” she replied.  “And here I was thinking you came along because you missed me.”

“Hah!”  Dropping to her feet, Jack turned to face Shepard.  Her voice dropping to something resembling more serious, she added, “Look, Shepard, about how I reacted before ….”

Shepard smiled.  “Don’t worry about it, Jack.”  The fact that Shepard understood Jack as well as she did was unsettling to the biotic, but it was also reason for the tight bond between them.  They rarely if ever talked about it, though, and that was fine by both of them.  

“So.”  Jack folded her arms, her usual defensive stance when facing situations she was uncertain of.  Shepard couldn’t help but wonder if the younger woman realized how telling the action was.  “They made you a general?”

Shepard chuckled, the unexpectedness of the question catching her off guard.  “So they say,” she replied dryly.  “It was all kind of a blur since we ended up running for our lives a few minutes later.  But, you know how Hackett is.  What’s that old saying?  He could ‘talk an eskimo into buying ice cubes?’  Something like that, anyway.  Hell, he talked you into teaching at Grissom, didn’t he?”

Jack rolled her eyes.  “That was Kahlee, but yeah, I’m pretty certain Hackett was behind it.  Conniving bastard.”

It was a struggle to stop laughing, but Shepard found a way.  Her voice might sound a bit odd, but she wasn’t laughing.  The sparkle in Jack’s eyes did nothing to reassure her, though.  Adjusting her hip against the modding table, Shepard tilted her head slightly to the side as she surveyed her friend.  “Feel like telling me what had you out there?” she asked quietly.  “Kahlee’s pretty worried about you.”

Eezo came bounding over and Jack dropped to kneel beside the varren.  “What’s to tell?  Like I told your soldier-boy scout, I still owed a few Cerberus bastards, school wasn’t in session and during it all I found … new purpose,” Jack replied.  “Nothing wrong with that.”

Shepard kept her eyes on Jack even though Eezo wandered over to nudge against her hand.  Apparently, the animal remembered her from previous encounters.  Surprisingly, it hit a chord that seemed to resonate inside of her, causing her to briefly wonder if the whole becoming a mother thing wasn’t turning her a bit mad.  “I never said there was anything wrong with it,” Shepard reminded her friend after a moment.  “As a matter of fact, I was going to thank you for your persistence since I directly benefitted from it.”  Straightening, Shepard watched Jack follow suit.  

Shrugging, Jack replied, “Why?  Didn’t matter.  The others would have been there -”

“Stop.”  Her voice didn’t change pitch or volume, but that element of ‘commander’ that had always been a driving force behind Shepard and her relationships with her team members was definitely present in the command.  “Don’t you dare tell me your part in this wasn’t important.”  Stepping forward, Shepard reached out and grasped Jack by her upper arm.  When the younger woman’s eyes finally lifted and met hers, Shepard saw shock there, for the moment out-warring the anger that Shepard might try to do such a thing.  “I don’t care who was there  - Kaidan and my crew, you, an entire strike team, hell an asari commando unit.  You were there for a reason, Jack.  Because it mattered.  Because she,” Shepard dropped her hand to catch Jack’s, moving quickly to place it over the swell of her child and hold it there, “matters.  You told me the hell you went through as a child at the hands of Cerberus.  I’ve seen the results of it - in you, in what was left of Pragia when we returned.  I have felt the fear of knowing that if I’m not careful enough, that could be her fate as well.  I’ve lived with it for months now.  Wondering how to outwit them once and for all.  Hell, trying just to figure out who they are is difficult enough!  But you can’t stand there and convince me that the fact that you’d willingly go after the people trying to do that to some innocent again isn’t only revenge.  Not when you know damned well and good that it isn’t!”

Jack could only stare down at where Shepard held her hand in place.  Beneath it, she could feel the baby moving - rolling around, kicking it’s foot or hitting with its hand, she wasn’t certain which - and to be honest, it had her fighting to keep from passing out.  Not so much from fear of the baby itself or of Shepard becoming a mother or showing a maternal side that Jack had always suspected was there given how she had taken care of her team members over the years, as much as it was Shepard’s recognition of her motives.  She hadn’t known Shepard was involved at all when her mission to hunt down Cerberus had shifted to Tartarus.  All she’d known was that she wasn’t going to let them take this ‘Messiah’ and turn it into something like her.  She’d protected her students until they were old enough and capable enough to fight back for themselves.  She would do the same for this one no matter who it was, even if it meant risking her life again.  It gave her purpose.

Glancing up, Jack could see that Shepard seemed to intuitively know all of this, if she was reading her eyes right.  

“Jack … I need to ask you something.  It’s important.”  

Shepard’s voice was low, soft and there was a waver to it that Jack wasn’t certain quite how to interpret.  But gut instinct had the hackles on the back of her neck lifting.  Frowning, she muttered, “What?”

And in that next moment, as their eyes held, Jack finally saw it.  Fear.  The indomitable, indestructible Commander Shepard was afraid.  No, not just afraid.  Terrified.  In itself, it was a frightening thing to witness but Jack knew better than most.  Oh, she vaguely knew of Shepard’s background, but this had nothing to do with that.  No, this was more … this had to do with the knowledge of just how bad a place the galaxy could be, and the fact that in some ways Shepard would be helpless to protect her child because of it.  

“Shit.”  Sighing, Jack finally managed to pull her hand from Shepard’s.   “Shepard, you know you don’t even have to ask.”  Her voice was all seriousness now, any hint of her usual, explosive, ‘normal’ self gone for the moment.  Pointing at the baby, Jack managed a half laugh.  “You know I plan to see you raise her right, don’t you?”  Jack found herself swallowing tightly as she could see tears in Shepard’s eyes, but the woman was refusing to let them fall.  Damn, just how strong was she?!  

Taking a deep breath, Jack’s hoarse voice the only telling sign of how the situation was affecting her, she added, “Can’t have her growing up to be like Ramirez, now, right?  Next thing you know, she’ll be wanting fucking unicorns plastered all over her bedroom walls ….”

Shepard choked out a laugh, but she had to turn away.  After a long moment spent pulling herself together, she nodded.  “Yeah,” she rasped.  “Look, Jack -”

“I’ll get a message to Kahlee,” the biotic interrupted.  “I’ll tell her to get someone else for now.  Chances are, your kid will end up at Grissom anyway, right?  I’ll go back with her or something.  Make sure she doesn’t tear up the place and cause Kahlee any grief considering her parentage.  But in the meantime,” she tossed a small smirk over at Shepard, “you’ll be stuck with me.”

“I -”  Shepard’s voice cracked momentarily, but she managed to continue a moment later.  Her relief was palpable.  “We’ll find a way to manage, I guess.”

To get beyond the moment, Shepard finally pulled herself together and brought Jack up to speed on events that had led her to this point.  She left nothing out, beginning with waking up in the hospital after the war was over.  She went through each attack in detail, determined Jack should have as much information on tactics and strategy used as possible.  She mentioned Omega, the information obtained there, as well as Dr. Michel’s betrayal and wasn’t surprised when Jack hissed out a string of expletives as long as her arm.  She concluded with the information Kaidan had told her about Miranda.

“Jack, they’re coming after anyone associated with me.  Chances are you’d have been a target soon enough.”

Jack snorted.  “Shit, I already was,” she responded.  When Shepard looked confused, Jack remembered that it had been before they’d found her that she’d mentioned this to Kaidan.  Sighing, she began pacing and recounted her own tale.

“Right before I arrived at Amaranthine,” she explained, “I’d had a near miss.”

Shepard froze. “You did?  Where?  What happened?”

Jack shrugged.  “Doesn’t matter, does it?  I’m here, the assholes aren’t.”  Scratching Eezo’s head absently, she continued, “That’s where I first heard about this ‘Messiah’ they were after.  It didn’t take a whole lot to figure out that they’re just after Subject Zero, version 2.0, right?”

Shepard shuddered.  “Yeah.”  Her voice was choked, but she responded.  

“Anyway, so I decided to take the hunt to them.  Give them something else to worry about and, if I got lucky, maybe distract them from their true target.”

The conversation was interrupted when the communicator on Shepard’s omni-tool pinged.  “Shepard, I need you up in the war room,” Kaidan told her.  “Miranda’s checking in.”

“On my way.”  Shepard looked over at Jack.  “I think you should come too,” she said.  “You probably know the most about this group as TARTARUS and can pass that along to Miri to see if she’s got anything else to add.”

The sneer Jack gave her in response to that was only half hearted.  “You making that an order, General?” she countered.

Biting back a grin, Shepard began walking towards the elevator.  “Do I need to?  Find Eezo a babysitter and be up there in five.”

“Fine.  Oh, and you waddle like a penguin!” Jack snarked after her in response.  Shepard just smiled and kept on walking.  

 

* * *

 

 

“Miranda, I’m here,” Shepard called the minute she walked into the war room.  “Are you alright?”

“Oriana and I made it out safe and sound, Shepard,” Miranda’s image assured her.  “We’ll be fine.  How are you?”

Shepard spared a quick look over at Kaidan before responding.  “We’ll just say that they were very lucky I wasn’t at my best.”  Kaidan’s chuckle assured Shepard that he seemed to be settling back to normal.  

A loud guffaw from behind her alerted Shepard that Jack had arrived.  “Damned straight!”

“I see you have found an old friend,” Miranda observed.  

“Good to see you, too, cheerleader,” Jack commented.

Shepard struggled to hold back a grin.  She wondered if these two would ever get around to being ‘friends’ in a more conventional way.  “Actually, Miri, Jack has had several run-ins with these people and probably has the most information available on them.  Kaidan ran into her while rescuing me, you see -”

“And I decided to stick around for the ride,” Jack concluded.  

Miranda’s eyes narrowed at this announcement and immediately sought out Jack’s.  “You have a name then?”

“Tartarus,” the biotic told her.  She then repeated her explanation of how she’d come across them, her reasons for following up and why she had ended up at the base on Amaranthine where  she’d run into Kaidan and the others hunting for Shepard.

There was a moment of silence as Miranda seemed to be considering this and then she turned away, partially moving out of view on the QEC before returning.  “I’m afraid all I have is the reference to Greek mythology,” she announced.  “You know as well as I how segmented Cerberus was.”

Shepard sighed but nodded.  Not for the first time, she wished EDI was around to help them out.  Though it hadn’t been necessary to examine in detail at the time, EDI had, for a while at least, had access to the information on the structure of most of the organization.

“I will see what I can find out,” Miranda concluded.  “We’ll come up with something for you, Shepard.  Never fear.”

“Me?” Shepard countered, a slight hint of bewilderment to her tone.  “Afraid?  Miranda, if I didn’t know you any better, I’d find that insulting.”

Miranda chuckled.  “I wouldn’t dream of insulting you, Shepard.  I don’t know how long this will take,” she added, “but I’m hoping some of my old contacts are still available.  Providing that they haven’t become part of the new organization -”

“Do you have ways to check for that?” Kaidan asked.  Dr. Michel’s betrayal had made cynics out of all of them by now.

“I do,” she promised.  “From what you, Shepard and Jack have provided about the organization, it does seem as if there has been a fair amount of crossover between organizations.”

Jack snorted.  “Ya think?”

Miranda continued to speak reassuringly about her methods, but Shepard suddenly felt removed from it all.  Something Miranda had said triggered a hint of a worry … a worry that was now beginning to grow in a direction that she hadn’t even considered before.  One that was truly frightening.  “Miri … Sorry, but I just thought of something.”  She glanced over at Kaidan as he raised an eyebrow at her.  “Is there any way possible that the former Cerberus personnel could be made to cross sides?” she finally ventured cautiously.  

Miranda frowned.  “Do you have something specific in mind?” she asked.

Shepard lifted her eyes to meet her friend’s.  Swallowing tightly, she struggled to tampen down the panic that was growing alongside her now jittery nerves.  “I was thinking specifically through cybernetics.”  She heard Kaidan draw in a quick breath, saw Jack’s stance change just a bit out of the corner of her eye.  “What if they can hack them … like they did your communications device?  Somehow force people to -”

“Shepard,” Miranda broke in calmly, reassuringly, “they can’t.”

Shepard noticed that her hand was shaking as she raised it.  “What if they could somehow incapacitate me?  Stop them from working?  Harm the baby even?”  Her voice remained calm, but she could feel that inner panic strengthening.  

Shepard was unaware of the strong arms sliding around her, holding her securely until Kaidan murmured near her ear, “Shepard, don’t.”

Ignoring Kaidan for a moment, she let her eyes return to Miranda.  “You once told me you’d wanted to put a control chip inside me,” she reminded her friend.  

“But I didn’t,” Miranda reiterated.  “Shepard, they can’t do anything like that to you.  Your cybernetics aren’t set up like that - they’re designed for specific, narrowly defined purposes, all of them medically related.  There’s nothing they can do to gain access to them or to use them against you.  Besides, I’m the only one who has any information on them, and that is very secure, I promise you.”

Kaidan glanced over at Jack, noting she looked incredibly worried but also fidgety and anxious.  He needed to get both women out of here and away from this line of discussion quickly.  “Shepard,” Kaidan said softly, “why don’t we go down and discuss this with Dr. Chakwas?  I’m sure she can back up what Miranda has told you.”

Shepard’s eyes remained on Miranda’s.  “You’re absolutely positive?”

Miranda smiled and nodded.  “Absolutely,” she replied immediately and with conviction.  

Taking a deep breath, Shepard sighed and nodded.  “Okay.  I just ….”

“It’s okay, Shepard,” Miranda told her.  “I’d be worried too in your situation.  But if it makes you feel better, I’ll send all of my information to Karin and you can address any concerns you have with her.”

Eyes closing, Shepard nodded again.  As she did so, she could feel a large measure of the worry begin to fade.  “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Miranda replied.  “And in the meantime, once I find anything definitive out regarding Tartarus, I will get in touch with our mutual friend, the Shadow Broker.”

That made Shepard smile a little.  “That’ll work.  Thanks.”

A moment later, the line was disconnected and Kaidan led Shepard and Jack out of the war room.  “Speaking of our informational gathering friend,” he told them both, “perhaps it might be a good idea to get Jack to go over her story with her, too.  See if she can’t find anything else out.”

Jack snorted.  “And beat the cheerleader to the chase?” she commented.  “Hey, if it means I’m one up on her, I’m game.”  Shepard chuckled as they approached the elevator.   

“And in the meantime, Shepard and I will go and talk with the doctor,” Kaidan announced.

Shepard sighed.  She considered contradicting him, but even with Miranda’s reassurances, she knew there were some niggling doubts that remained.  For her own peace of mind, she would do as he asked.  He was, undoubtedly, right in that in that assessment.  Nodding, she agreed.  

“And Jack … thanks.”  They were stepping off the elevator when Shepard announced this, and though Jack had turned down the opposite pathway to theirs, waving her hand and muttering, “Yeah, yeah,” as she parted ways, Shepard thought she spotted a hint of a grin on the younger woman’s face.  

 


	36. One for the Money, Two for the Kill

After their most recent experience in port with the _Normandy_ , the decision to land on Noveria was more out of necessity than for actual planning or desire to visit.  With insecurities at an all time high, even after Shepard’s reassurances to the entire crew after her safe return, the ship postponed the decision for as long as possible before they finally had to concede that a stop must be made for reprovisioning of certain supplies.  The knowledge that part of their current ‘mission’ was also to check on the status of post-war reconstruction efforts was never far from their thoughts, though by this point it was not exactly at the top of their list of major concerns.  

The first noticeable signs of recovery from the Reapers on Noveria were found in the docking area of Port Hanshan where, for the most part, everything appeared to be in working order.  After receiving word from the port authority that they could land, Joker brought the _Normandy_ in with skill and ease and only minor irreverent commentary, most of which referred back to their first visit four years before.  NDC had survived the war, in some shape or form, and from information Traynor was able to gather during the arrival process, the colony was clearly functioning to near capacity … which also included the rather cryptic comments from Port Hanshan security as they landed that, despite Kaidan’s Spectre status from the Council, the landing party would be under strict adherence to abide by colonial laws and ordinances, Savior of the Galaxy and her crew in attendance or not.  Shepard found this rather amusing at the time, flashing an obvious smirk over Joker’s head at her husband as they listened to the port authority’s chatter while Joker brought them in to dock.  

“Someone clearly remembers our first visit here,” she murmured softly.

Kaidan grinned, able to find some amusement in this at least.  Both he and Tali had been along for Shepard’s initial arrival in those days.  Kaidan recalled that it had been one of the first opportunities to witness Shepard’s occasional reactionary response to authoritative bureaucrats who believed they were above the law.  “I wonder if it will come down to pulling my weapons on them in order to let us in?” he mused dryly.

Shepard rolled her eyes but chuckled.  “Mr. Integrity?” she teased.  “Pulling a weapon on the authorities?  This I might just have to see.”  She giggled at the look of mock annoyance he threw her.  “Just remember, Gianna is no longer here to smooth things over with ERCS.”

Kaidan turned to leave the bridge, but she saw that the grin was still in place.  That probably had as much to do with the current administrative arrangement of the planet as it did the fact that Shepard had no intention to disembark this visit.

 

~o~

 

_“I want you to stay aboard this time.”_

_Shepard blinked back surprise as she glanced up from the datapad she was reading.  “Alright.  I figured I would anyway,” she told Kaidan.  “I’m hardly in any condition to do any ‘shopping’ this trip.”  She frowned when he didn’t show any sign of amusement as she referenced their previous visit to Eden Prime.  Glancing over just in time, she noticed one of his eyes twitching.  Not badly, just a little bit at the corner.  There was clearly something more to his request than he was letting on.  “What’s going on?” she asked as she tossed the datapad on the table and turned to face him fully._

_“Nothing,” Kaidan insisted.  He stepped over beside her and took a seat on the couch.  “I just want to make sure you … stay safe this time.”_

_Shepard’s frown deepened.  “And why wouldn’t I be?”  she challenged._

_“Shepard -”_

_She shook her head.  “What is going on, Kaidan?”  she asked again.  “This is more than just, ‘Oh, I want to make sure you’re safe,’ and you know it!”_

_Kaidan sighed, turning to run a hand along the side of her cheek.  It took a couple of long moments, but he finally managed a reply.  “I don’t want a repeat of what happened back on the Citadel is all.”_

_Shepard opened her mouth to voice immediate protest, but she caught herself and stopped before any words could escape.  Instead, she leaned into the touch of his hand, smiling in understanding.  Even several weeks removed from her rescue, she could still hear his voice laced with that sharp edge of worry and concern that had taken over during her absence.  She was doing what she could to put it behind her, but clearly it still remained an ever present concern for him.  And really, when it came right down to it, she couldn’t blame him._

_“I will stay on board,” she promised.  “Take Garrus, Liara and maybe Kolyat with you; Jack and Shannon can remain with me and the rest of the crew.  I will even accept a watch detail at the doors too.  Good enough?”  Shepard could see he wanted to protest, watched as his Adam’s apple worked just a bit as he swallowed, but he did nod his agreement in the end.  Compromise.  That was a step in the right direction.  Besides, they HAD to reprovision the ship.  There was no way around that part.  “Trust me,” she added by way of reminder, “the rest of the crew will, no doubt, be much more aware of what is going on around them this time.”_

_Kaidan’s sigh, the momentary closing of his eyes before he looked back at her, even before he nodded his head again told her he would agree._

 

~o~

 

The visit ashore took several hours, most of which was spent at the dock loading supplies aboard the _Normandy_.  While the crew focused on that, Shepard remained in the War room with Jack, Shannon and Eezo present in addition to the usual crew on duty.  During this time, she pointedly did not think about the additional marines on watch duty throughout the CIC as well as the ones Kaidan had agreed to put on the doors.  It was ridiculous the efforts they had to go to now to keep her protected.  However much it made sense, it irritated Shepard to no end that it had to be done.  It left her feeling like Tartarus had won even though they did not have Shepard or her child.  

Irritation aside, Shepard was professional enough to find a way past the distractions and do her job.  Occupied by sorting information from incoming data feeds regarding the state of reconstruction planetside so that it could be sent back to the Citadel, she kept herself distracted almost the entire time.  And, as she predicted (or perhaps ‘hoped’ was a better way of describing it), nothing untoward happened while Kaidan and the ground team were ashore.  

They returned about an hour before their actual departure.  Deciding to debrief immediately, Shepard met with him and the others in the conference room - partly because it kept her from having to move into more open areas of the _Normandy_ before they left the planet, and partly because it gave them the space to have a more casual debrief with everyone involved in the mission.  What became clear right away was that nothing even suggestive of an attack, an abduction or anything else out of the ordinary had occurred, either on land or near the docks.  

That fact _should_ have been reassuring.  Shepard knew that.  However, she found instead that the normalcy of the situation was gnawing away at nerves she believed she had kept under control and hidden away.  Thing was, she knew exactly what it was that was bugging her.  Always before, no matter where they docked or the purpose for their visit, there had been _some_ thing just a little bit off of normal.  SNAFU was a term Shepard had come to expect on a daily basis in her life.  The absence of it in this case was much more worrisome than it’s presence would have been.  On this visit?  Here?  Nothing at all out of the ordinary?  It was almost too perfect.

“Major,” Cortez’ voice broke through as Kaidan was winding up the debrief with the others, “we’ve finished taking on supplies and are ready to depart whenever you are.”

“Everything secure down there?” Kaidan asked, more out of habit than any other reason.

“Yes, sir.  I’ve made certain of it personally.”

While Kaidan switched comm channels to inform Joker to begin preparing for departure, Garrus rounded the table and moved beside Shepard.  “Am I the only one who finds this stop to be a departure from our usual routine?” he asked quietly.

Shepard gave him a questioning look.  “What do you mean?”  So, Garrus had picked up on the oddity too.  This didn’t surprise Shepard at all.  The turian’s instincts, as a sniper, as an investigative cop, were as good as, if not better than, hers.  Right now, if his gut was talking to him, she wanted to hear more about it.

“It all seems … too easy.  Given our past visits here, this time it has all gone too smoothly,” he offered.  “It’s hard to put into words exactly, but -”

“I don’t disagree with your assessment, Garrus,” Kaidan announced as he rejoined them.  

“Oh?” Shepard mused.  Even he had picked up on it.  That was both reassuring and disturbing at the same time.  “How so?”

“I would say,” Liara mused from across the room, “that from the administrator on down, everyone was acting and reacting in an overly accommodating way to our presence.”

Kaidan and Garrus both nodded.  “Like Administrator Anoleis, but to the other extreme,” Kaidan interjected.  

Shepard frowned.  In the background, she could hear the engines revving up as Joker guided the _Normandy_ out of the docks.  “So … bending over backwards to be accommodating.  Hmm, I wonder what they’re hiding this time?”

Kaidan and Garrus exchanged a look over her head.  “Remember our first visit?” Kaidan prodded gently.  “Even though they’re supposed to be open to spectres and in the end they gave us access to the areas we requested, they still didn’t want us here.”

Shepard smirked.  “I seem to recall it being just a little … contentious as we tried to enter the port, yes,” she agreed.  Chuckling softly, Shepard shook her head at the memories which included drawing her weapon and threatening the ERCS security forces.  Later, she’d explained to Kaidan that her reason for reacting the way she had was simply because the ERCS guards had irritated her.  

~o~

_“So, you were in a mood?” Kaidan asked as he took a drink from his coffee._

_Williams, seated at the table with them, chortled.  Winking broadly at Shepard, she murmured, “Standing between me and a home cooked meal after eating standard Alliance chow for weeks?  Yeah, that’ll get me reacting the same way, every time,” before rising to her feet.  “Well, I’ve got weapons to clean and inventory.  Later, Skipper.”_

_Shepard chuckled and shook her head at her friend, noting with a passing glance that, Kaidan had taken the Chief’s comments in stride.  This late into a mission, any meal that wasn’t reconstituted military food was worth its weight in gold.  “I was in a mood, yes,” she agreed._

~o~

 

“Contentious?” Kaidan echoed dryly, although his smile was genuine.  “You have such a way of understating things.”

Shepard chuckled.  “You’re such a sweet talker, Alenko,” she teased.  Garrus made some sort of throat clearing noise which set Shepard off laughing, Kaidan chuckling and did, in the end bring them back around to the issue at hand.

Or, it would have, had the ship not made a sudden lurch sharply to the right causing everyone in the room to lose their balance and tumble to the floor.  Shepard, thankfully, had just moved back over to the table and was able to catch hold of the edge, landing hard on one knee.  Most of the others did not fare so well.  Hand rising automatically to her earpiece, Shepard signalled the bridge, barking out, “Joker, what the hell just happened?”

“Uh … kinda busy at the moment, boss,” came the brusque reply just as the ship swerved sharply in the other direction.  

Shepard held tightly onto the table as Garrus finally found his footing and moved up beside her.  His arms moved around her and grasped the table to hold them both in place on their feet as the ship swerved again.  “Kaidan?”

“I’m good,” he called back, his voice rough with the effort of getting to his feet.  “What the hell?”

Shepard shook her head, her eyes searching across the room for Liara and Shannon.  Jack, snarling all the while beneath her breath, managed to storm out of the conference room, the echoes of her creative threats reverberating throughout the space while Eezo followed gingerly behind.  

“Uh … Shepard?  You might want to get up here,” Joker announced, this time over the ship-wide communications link.  

“What’s going on?” Kaidan demanded as he reached for Shepard’s hand, giving her something to hold onto as the ship continued to weave beneath their feet.  Garrus moved to her other side and followed.  Liara and Shannon brought up the rear.

“Just get up here … like now!”

When they reached the CIC, they found the crew buckled into their safety straps for the duration of whatever was affecting the _Normandy_ in that moment.  Kaidan was tempted to have Shepard remain and do the same, but their eyes met and he saw the determination there and decided that in this instance, they would likely spend more time fighting over it than anything else.  With Garrus, Liara and Shannon all following, they had a better chance of keeping everyone on their feet … theoretically.  Unless, of course, they _all_ went down again ….

The first thing Shepard did when arriving at the bridge was to move into EDI’s old seat.  “What is going on?” she demanded.  Kaidan came up behind her, grasping the back of her chair, while Shannon and Liara took the other two open spaces.  Garrus moved in behind Liara.  No one wanted to stand too close to Joker just then.  Not when he was in the middle of guiding them through whatever this was.

Hands busily working the console in front of him, Joker managed, “Pull up the shipboard sensors, Shepard - we’re under attack by several smaller ships.  They came out of nowhere.  Right as I was trying to pull us free of Noveria’s atmosphere!”

Shepard brought up the display quickly.  Kaidan leaned over her shoulder to press another button.  “Six?” he counted.

“Is that all?” Joker asked.  “Why don’t they throw us a _real_ challenge?”

Shepard frowned as she read the data feeding across the screen.  “Who are they?  ERCS?”

“Don’t think so.  I heard a bit of chatter before, but couldn’t catch much,” he told her.  “Whoever they are, they definitely intended to target us, though.”

“I agree,” Liara called out.  She was watching the playback of security vid feeds on her terminal.  “They sound like ….  That’s odd.”

Shepard’s head snapped around at Liara’s comment.  “What’s odd?” she demanded.

“Mercs,” Garrus informed them.  Reaching over Liara’s shoulder, he pressed a couple of buttons, and the audio came up to fill the cabin.  The voices were sporadic, breaking up more often than not because of interference and static, but it was clear that the pilots of the ships had an agenda: attack and destroy the _Normandy_.  

“But … how?” Shepard demanded.  “There’s only six of them and our shielding wouldn’t allow -”

Kaidan’s hand moved to rest on her shoulder, pressing gently.  “Remember the Citadel?” he asked.  “When Cortez and Joker were -”

“When I was used as _bait_ a second time?” Joker finished.  Shepard glanced over at the pilot.  While his eyes were still on the screens before him, his hands in constant motion as he flew the ship, she recognized that he was diverting just a bit of his focus to answer her question.  “All it would take is for them to stay in or direct path … with six of them they can keep that up indefinitely.  Their goal isn’t to shoot us down, but to block us from leaving and,” he broke off for a moment and the ship lurched upwards then to the left sharply.  “And, make us run into the side of a mountain or something.”

Shepard took a moment to consider all of this.  “How do we get out of this?” she asked.  “Shoot them?”

“Been trying that,” Joker told her.  “They’re too small and too fast.  I’m just waiting for them to make a mistake at this point.”

Sighing, Shepard leaned back in her seat, eyes closing in frustration as she just sat there, her mind replaying all that they knew so far over and over.  She could only come to one conclusion.  “Great,” she bit out after a long moment, “now they want me dead.”

“So it would seem,” Liara replied.  

“I’m not so sure about that.”

Shannon’s remark had everyone but Joker looking over at her.  She was seated at the station behind Shepard and Kaidan.  “What do you mean?” Kaidan asked as he turned to face her.  

The ship rolled to their right this time as Joker continued to maneuver, but Shannon wasn’t fazed.  “Based off what we know of Tartarus so far, why would they suddenly switch tactics so drastically?” she asked.  “All along, they’ve been out to kidnap the general.  They even succeeded once.  Why would they try to switch gears now when it’s clear that they have an agenda?  The general has what they want - the baby.  If they kill Shepard now, that ruins any chance of them getting the child alive.”

“Sure takes the rest of us out of the equation though,” Joker muttered beneath his breath.

Garrus nodded.  “I see what you’re saying, Lieutenant,” he told her.  “And, I think you might be right.”  His eyes shifted over to Shepard’s.  “My guess?  Someone else has entered the picture.”

Shepard visibly shuddered, her shoulders shaking almost violently as she processed this.  “Tartarus and … who?” she asked.  “Why?”   _Who else have I made enemies of that they would want me dead?_

“That, I don’t know,” Garrus replied.  His glance over at Shannon had the younger woman shaking her head, too.  

“Let me do some checking,” Liara broke in.  “Based on the … haphazard nature of this attempt -”

Shepard snorted.  “Haphazard?”

“Whooohoooo!”  Joker’s voice broke through the discussion just then, his body language taking on an entirely demeanor.  “Eat _THAT_!”  

Shepard’s eyes lifted to the virtual windows and a smile curved at her lips as the skies of Noveria finally began fading as the atmosphere gave way to space.  Hand finding Kaidan’s, she squeezed it before moving to her feet.  Turning, she placed a hand at Joker’s shoulder and patted gently.  “Thanks, Joker,” she murmured.  “I knew you could do it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” the pilot muttered, but even beneath the scruffiness of his facial hair and the ball cap he always wore, Shepard could detect the slightest hint of a flush in his cheeks.  

Turning to face the others, Shepard nodded everyone back out of the bridge.  “Haphazard or not, Liara, see what you can find out, if anything.  And in the meantime ….”

“In the meantime,” Kaidan continued, “you might consider going to the med bay and letting Dr. Chakwas check you over.  We all took some pretty good bumps back there.”

Shepard rolled her eyes, but she didn’t flat out refuse either.  “I seem to recall you and Garrus on the floor as well,” she pointed out.  Her eyes found his and sparkled just a bit with mischief.  

But before he could respond, Traynor’s voice called out across the room.  “Major?”

Sighing, Kaidan led Shepard and the others in the direction of the elevator before moving off to speak with the specialist.  “What is it, Traynor?”

“Message from the Citadel, sir.”  Her eyes met his then glanced quickly over at Shepard before returning.  “From the Council.”

Kaidan took the datapad she handed him and scanned it quickly before he handed it over to Shepard.  “Contact the Council,” he told Traynor.  “Tell them, ‘Understood,’ then set the galaxy map for the Krogan DMZ.”  

“Aye aye, Major.”

Kaidan stepped onto the lift to join Shepard, Garrus and Liara.  “Trouble?” Garrus asked.

Shepard’s eyes lifted to meet Kaidan’s.  “Wrex is asking for assistance with an unspecified problem,” she replied.  “Coincidence?”

“Somehow,” Kaidan replied, “I highly doubt it….”

 


	37. Closer to the Edge

The journey from the Horsehead Nebula to the Krogan DMZ gave Shepard plenty of time to think.  She was used to being sent into situations with minimal information and expected to pull miracles out of thin air.  Hell, she’d _thrived_ on it for most of her career, if one looked at it closely enough.  But this time … this time was different.  This time there was more at stake than simply getting the job done.  She knew the krogan personally, had a history with them, Wrex in particular.  That being the case, she understood that he would not be requesting the Council send in two Spectres unless the situation was a serious one.  

Shepard also recognized that the Council would want both her and Kaidan going in together at their behest and utilizing some restraint in what could be promised to the krogan.  The Council was well aware that Shepard had close ties with clan Urdnot.  Her adoption into the clan was turning out to be both a blessing and a curse, it seemed.  Shepard suspected that the Council would view Kaidan’s presence, despite the fact they were married and currently serving aboard the same ship, as a way to keep any ‘uncontrollable urges’ Shepard might have in regards to her affections for the krogan in check.  

But as Shepard examined the current situation, she also recognized that this was an opportunity; one in which she could find some sort of personal purpose, if nothing else.  It was also one she did not expect that Kaidan - and given everything that had happened over the past few months she really could not blame him - would agree to her active participation in without some convincing.  

She approached him cautiously, but at the same time determined to get her way.  From the onset, however, she recognized that her arguments were falling on deaf ears.  She did not let that deter her one bit.  She was stubborn, almost to a fault (and she knew this), and very determined to get her husband to admit he needed her assistance on this mission.  As she saw it, she had everything lined up in her favor.  

To her everlasting frustration, Kaidan would not view things as she did.

“Dammit, Kaidan, I _have_ to be there with you!” she protested.  “Wrex is used to dealing with me, you know that.  So are the other krogan.  One wrong thing said and everything could -”

“Absolutely not.”  Kaidan turned to face her.  She was standing before him, hands on hips, the fire of anger turning her eyes bright, but he met her square on, arms folded across his chest.  It was rare that he ever saw her reach this level of irritation, pregnancy or no, and he had to admit it was one of only a handful of times she had ever made him the target of such, but given her current condition he also knew she tended to flare towards outbursts much easier these days.  

“Kaidan -”

He reached out and placed his hands firmly on her shoulders.  “No,” he insisted, though he kept his tone gentle.  Only a fool wouldn’t try to talk the very pregnant woman he loved down from a full blown fit of rage when she was so near her delivery date.  She looked as if she might still argue, so he lifted one hand to lightly caress her cheek.  “Shepard, the timing isn’t good,” he explained.  He knew she was well aware of this, but given her current obstinacy, he felt it necessary to remind her.  The memories of Amaranthine were still too fresh; the added hitch during their departure from Noveria as well.  “We don’t yet know the details of what we’re dealing with down there.  You know there’s a better chance for an attack planetside than up here.”

He could see her temper rising once more, the anger flaring behind her blue eyes as she refused to back down, and so he waited.  He could afford to.  This was too important.  Pulling back she turned away and crossed her arms over her chest, a clear indication she wasn’t done arguing.  

So he was caught completely off guard when he heard her mutter, “Dammit, Kaidan,” before taking two steps across the room, turning and dropping heavily onto the couch.  And just like that, she stopped fighting him.  

Following her, he knelt down beside her, eyes rising to meet hers.  “Shepard,” he murmured, his hand reaching out to touch her cheek again, “there’s just too much at risk here ….”

Shepard sighed and sat back, her hands rising to cover her face.  “No, you’re right.  I get it,” she replied, her tone muffled behind her hands though he could still hear how miserable she was feeling just then.  “I just ….”  Hands finally dropping to her lap, her eyes met his again.   

Moving to sit beside her, he pulled her close, leaning over to kiss her temple.  “Personally, I think you’re getting the better end of the deal,” he murmured into her hair.  “Just think what I’ll have to face when I see Wrex, hmm?  He’s going to give me the third degree.  And then,” he gave her a mock gasp of alarm, “parental advice!”

Shepard actually giggled and until that moment Kaidan hadn’t realized how long it had been since he’d heard that sound.  Not since before Dr. Michel’s betrayal, at the very least.  “And then he’ll probably want to get you drunk,” she told him, the humor clear in her tone as she leaned over to rest her head against his shoulder.  “Just …  Promise me, okay?  No ryncol.”  Glancing up at him, he saw the sparkle of mischief there.  “Remember that story Garrus told you during the war?”

His eyes widened as the memory came, but Kaidan nodded slowly.  “You don’t mean to tell me ….”

She covered his lips with her fingertips.  “Let’s just say you won’t like the day after and leave it at that.”  

Kaidan chuckled.  “I will definitely keep that in mind,” he promised.  

With Shepard leaning against him, Kaidan was able to relax alone with his wife for a few moments.  They still had a short while before their actual arrival at Tuchanka and he was determined to spend as much of it with her as possible.  After all they had been through together over the years, this was something he would never take for granted ever again.

A few minutes later Shepard asked, “So … what’s the plan then?”

His hand lowering to gently rub the area of her back he knew had been aching badly for her of late, he replied, “Cortez will fly us down.  I don’t want to take any chances with the _Normandy_ at all.  I’ll take Garrus, Kolyat and either Shannon or Liara with me, maybe both.  Jack will be staying with you.”

Shepard smiled tiredly.  “I don’t think anyone can convince her to leave my side just now,” she admitted.  

Kaidan didn’t express his opinion on that.  Despite the almost natural animosity between himself and the biotic, the two were in complete agreement with this current arrangement if it ensured Shepard’s safety.  “All things being equal,” he continued, “we’ll go down, attend to the situation down there, and return within a few hours.”

Struggling awkwardly back to her feet, even with Kaidan’s assistance, Shepard turned to face him directly, her hand still caught in his.  “All things being equal,” she echoed.  

Kaidan rose to stand beside her, offering a half smile.  “No more chances,” he told her seriously, hand covering hers in place over their child.  

Shepard sighed, but nodded her agreement.  “No more chances.”  

 

~ 0 ~

 

It became apparent just a short while later, that no matter the best laid out plans, they were still subject to the whims of fate.  Or in this case, the temperament of a certain Kodiak shuttle that was long overdue for a thorough overhaul.  

“I’m sorry, Major,” Cortez told him as the ground team waited patiently in the shuttle bay to board the ship, “I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

Kaidan sighed.  It was pointless to argue the whys, whens and whats when he and his team were expected planetside in just a matter of minutes.  He glanced over at Shepard who stood nearby.  She had come down to wish the team luck at their departure, and he found a part of him couldn’t help but wonder if she’d had a hand in this.  It was a foolish notion, he knew that, but the fact that it did occur to him probably meant that he’d caught onto the desperation she’d been holding on to in their earlier argument over the arrangements.     

Pressing the comm link at his ear, Kaidan summoned Joker.  “Think you can arrange a landing for the _Normandy_ planetside in about … ten minutes?” he asked.

Joker chuckled at the other end.  “Maybe more like twenty,” he countered, though in the background the sounds of buttons being pressed could be heard, “but working on it now, boss.”  

In the meantime, Kaidan turned back to Shepard.  “We need to talk,” he told her.  

Shepard lifted a brow.  “About?”

“I want extra security for you when we are groundside,” he informed her.  Jack, who had followed down and was standing nearby, nodded in agreement, he noticed.  “Jack.  Steve.  A battalion of marines …”

Shepard snorted and leaned in against his side.  “I think I can do you one better,” she assured him as they turned and headed towards the elevator.  Jack, the ground team and Steve followed close behind.  “Or maybe even hundreds.”

Kaidan’s brow lifted.  “Oh?  How’s that?”

Shepard gave him a winning smile.  “Clan Urdnot.  Wrex adopted me, remember?”

Kaidan, and several of the others he noted, actually chuckled at her words and some of the tension that had been stalking him for so many weeks bled out of his shoulders at the thought of having hundreds of krogan to watch out for her.  “Well, as they say, ‘When in Rome’ ….”

 

~ 0 ~

 

Once the _Normandy_ was on the ground and formal greetings had been made (this _was_ a Council sponsored visit, after all), Wrex and Bakara both led Shepard, Kaidan and the others to their main camp located in the Kelphic Valley.  Outwardly, not much had changed in the few months since the war ended, Shepard noticed, though from what she could tell, the numbers of krogan now camped in the valley had increased considerably since her last visit.  This could be viewed as both good and bad, depending on how one looked at it, and if all of Wrex’s current rumblings were any indication, Shepard could understand why he had requested the presence of the two Spectres on his planet.  

Politics were politics the galaxy over, it seemed.

“Are you serious?” Shepard asked in astonishment as they approached the main tent in the center of Wrex’s camp.  “They are arguing over who is going to do the physical labor required to rebuild?”

At the best of times when the krogan was in a ‘good’ mood, Wrex was difficult to read.  But now, Shepard could see the signs of fraying temper and frustration getting the better of him.  A not so subtle twitch here, a slightly more than menacing growl there, and that was with him showing considerable (and obvious to Shepard at least) effort in restraining himself.  Shepard darted a glance over at Bakara who stood beside him.  Outwardly, she was doing nothing but maintaining a solid presence.  Tall.  Straight.  A pillar of support for Wrex.  A silent partner, but one Shepard knew was her own force to be reckoned with.  Shepard had seen Bakara in action before and she had the utmost respect for her.  At the moment, Bakara offered her a smile and a slight cant of her head in acknowledgement of Shepard’s recognition, but the twinkle in the female krogan’s eyes told Shepard more than words ever could.  

“Alright.”  Shepard took a couple of slow but deliberate steps forward.  “Where are they?”

“The clan leaders are inside,” Wrex told her.  “But I’m telling you, Shepard, they won’t listen.”

Shepard squared her shoulders and stood just a bit taller.  She’d faced tougher adversaries than a few krogan leaders in her lifetime and managed to live to tell the tale.  She could do this.  Plus, she had her status as Spectre to back her up.  She was the Savior of the Galaxy.  A member of clan Urdnot.  “They won’t have a choice,” she replied, brushing past him and entering the tent without waiting for the others to decide if they would follow.  She had stubbornness and determination gained through a lifetime of experience to fall back upon.  She had this.

Several hours and two not so subtle threats of krogan headbutting later, they were still at it and Shepard was struggling to not make any obvious signs of frustration.  She’d lost count how many times she had had to fight back the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose to ward off a burgeoning migraine ….

“Clan Jeratok -”

“Clan Jeratok agreed to abide by the rule of clan Urdnot, did they not?” Shepard demanded when the warlord who led that group began protesting yet again.

The krogan almost rippled in defiance as he faced her, eyes narrowing in anger.  “We did not agree to be lowered to the ranks of _felnok_!” ***

Shepard heard a soft shuffling at her side just before Wrex stepped forward and explained, “ _Felnok_ are our ancient krogan ancestors, Shepard.  Those who came before the industrialization of Tuchanka.”

It did not take long for Shepard to understand the connection - and the insult - now.  “Those who pre-dated the more warlike society that exists today?” Shepard asked.  Wrex grunted his agreement.  Shepard, eyes never leaving the Jeratok warlord’s, continued, “So he suggests that those who improved life for the krogan have no worth.”  

“He does.”

The warlord took a menacing step towards Shepard as the other krogan in the tent vocalized their displeasure - whether at the Jeratok warlord’s suggestion or at her interpretation, Shepard did not know nor care just then.  “They and their like were responsible for the downfall of the krogan, for the genophage that followed!” the warlord bellowed.  “We will not -!”

Shepard, refusing to retreat even when the warlord was practically shouting point blank in her face, simply straightened her shoulders and glared at him.  “The time for war is over!” she returned sharply after he’d finished bellowing.  “Have the krogan not suffered enough?  Are you so stubborn and stuck in your fighting ways that you would risk the Council’s recognition of your part in the defense of the galaxy?”

“The krogan have troubles enough on Tuchanka!” another voice shouted from across the room.  “We do not need intervention by the Council.”

“You are a coward, Gelut Akdon!” another voice countered.  “The krogan should do what they do best - fight!  We can take over -”

Shepard sighed inwardly, but showed no sign of frustration that the others could see.  For hours now, the argument had been the same - many of the krogan were of the opinion that they should find new worlds on which to build their homes rather than clean up and rebuild on Tuchanka.  Those who fully supported Wrex and understood that the Council was not ready for the extent of expansion that the krogan wanted just yet (though Wrex had hinted yet again that it would need to occur sooner rather than later) had accepted the plan to rebuild here, to prove they would do what was necessary.  Those who did not agree with this outlook appeared to be searching for ways to back out of their earlier support.  And all of it together was now building into a headache of proportional size.

“What it boils down to is this,” Shepard told them.  “If the krogan are wanting off world expansion, they are going to have to prove to the Council by way of acceding to their requests and plan for such.”  Her eyes moved from one clan leader to another.  “What that means is that until you gain such an agreement from the Council, you will need to rebuild on Tuchanka.  Provide for those who remain.  Outwardly show to the Council and all who are watching that you will do what is necessary - even if that means the physical rebuilding of your cities here on Tuchanka.  Prove to them you mean it and the Council will agree.”

The warlords’ voices all began rising in protest before she even finished speaking this time.  As Shepard waited for them to calm down enough for her to get another word in edgewise, she glanced over to find Kaidan eyeing her closely.  She lifted a brow in question, but a small smile played at her lips as if to say, _Aren’t you glad I came now?_  She managed to refrain from grinning as he rolled his eyes.  Payback could be hell.

A loud and unexpected shout from outside the meeting tent burst through, quieting the chaotic rumblings and turning the heads of all within.  Shepard did not fail to notice that Kaidan, Jack and some of the others quickly moved immediately to surround her in an open sign of protection.  A moment later, a familiar face barged inside the tent.  Shepard smiled fondly at Grunt in greeting, but that fondness gave way to immediate concern as he announced without preamble, “The nursery has been attacked.  We have been betrayed.”

 

~ 0 ~

 

In the insanity akin to that of moments before that returned immediately following Grunt’s announcement, the one thing that became clear was that whoever was behind the attack - and it was most definitely an attack as evidenced by the three female krogan who had been on duty at the time and were injured in the process of taking the two krogan infants - did not appear to be directly connected with the same krogan situation Shepard and Kaidan were sent to deal with.  Be that as it may, it did exacerbate the situation.

Her voice cutting across the unsubstantiated accusations now being flung around the room, Shepard demanded, “What happened?”

Grunt moved to stand beside her.  “Our patrol was out making sure no one approached the meeting site without authorization,” he explained.  

“When we hold council meetings,” the Jeratok leader offered, “it is the warlords or their specified representatives who attend.  Any decision making - including options for violence and retaliation - are left up to them.”

Wrex nodded his agreement.  “Only decisions by the warlords or their representatives will be recognized as legitimate.”

Grunt nodded.  “Our patrol was called over to the nursery when we passed nearby.  We went inside to investigate.  Whoever did this had come and gone by then.”

Shepard’s eyes shifted first to Wrex’s then to Bakara’s and finally over to Kaidan’s where they remained locked as she asked, “What did you find there?”

“The three adult females watching the nests were down,” Grunt informed her.  Shepard’s eyes closed tightly.  “The nests of unhatched eggs were fine - no damage as far as we could tell.  We found eight little ones inside, but they seemed unharmed as well.”

“Eight?”  Shepard’s eyes opened again and flicked over to Bakara as the female krogan spoke, a hard edge to her tone.  “There should have been ten.”

Grunt nodded.  “Two have been taken.  One of the females - Gelut Trerake - was able to tell us enough.”  Turning towards Wrex and the other krogan in the room, he announced in a grave tone, “Urdnot Mordin and Jeratok Brirm were abducted.”

“Is there any indication of who was behind this?” Shepard asked as the krogan in the tent were stunned into silence.

“It wasn’t krogan,” the Jeratok warlord insisted.  “No matter what disagreements we have with one another, we would not risk the lives of the children!”

Wrex grunted his agreement.  “I have to agree, Shepard,” he told her.  “Since the creation of the genophage, the protection of our children has probably been the only thing we all can agree upon.  That did not change with the cure.”

Shepard’s stomach lurched as realization hit her.  “We were followed,” she murmured softly.  

“Or they’ve managed to hack into our communications network,” Kaidan countered.  

Shepard shook her head.  “More likely they’re at the other end,” she reminded him.  “The message to come here came directly from the Citadel, remember?”  Shepard wondered briefly if she could talk Tali into checking into that from her end of things.

“You know who is behind this, Shepard?” Grunt asked.

All krogan eyes in the room turned onto her then.  “Not … exactly,” she replied.  “And without seeing the nursery for myself -”

“Absolutely not!” Kaidan insisted.  Several of the other humans nodded their agreement with him.  “If the krogan had nothing to do with this, it could well be a trap meant for you.”

Rolling her eyes, Shepard continued as if he had not spoken, “- I couldn’t even begin to guess.  Two distinct groups have targeted me of late.  One seems to be out to kill me, the other seems to be after the child I carry.”  Shepard sighed, hand rising to pinch the bridge of her nose.  “This incident _could_ be tied in with one of them.”

Wrex’s eyes seemed to light up with understanding.  He glanced at her belly first, then nodded his head a moment later.  “This explains much,” he said.

“Oh?”

Wrex nodded again.  “Why else would your mate request the protection of clan Urdnot?”

“They want your child?”  

Bakara’s question caught Shepard’s attention and she looked over at the female krogan.  “Yes.”

“So they take ours to force you to trade your own for their return?” Grunt asked.

Shepard’s breath caught at his suggestion.  She hadn’t quite thought it out to that conclusion, but it seemed ….  “Possibly.”

Grunt began chuckling, a deep, rumbling sound that Shepard remembered well from their time served together.  “Sounds to me like we need to go bash some heads together.”

Kaidan stepped forward then and Shepard did not miss the determined gleam in his eyes.  “Lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** felnok - a word I created and has no association whatsoever with the ME world except what I have given it


	38. Warrior's Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delays in updating this story. First of all, real life has been kicking me in the teeth over the past year. Major life changes, most recently in having to redo all the plumbing in my house AND the sewer line to the street. As you can imagine, it's been difficult!   
> There is also the fact that over the past couple of months or so, I've had some major revelations for how Serafina Shepard's headcanons will evolve. There will be some major changes from what I have currently. However, her muse decided that I HAD to post this chapter (and likely finish the story) before I go ahead with those changes. Since I'm still sorting it all out, I decided to go ahead and move forward with the story.  
> This chapter originally was to be a part of the last one, but when it turned out to be a rather long chapter, I decided to break it up ... and adjust this one somewhat. So, that said, I hope you enjoy this chapter! From here on out, things will definitely be getting interesting! ;)

She had thought to help Kaidan with final adjustments to his armor, but Shepard’s fingers slipped as she struggled to tighten one of the clasps.  Hissing a soft curse of frustration, she withdrew her hand as Kaidan took over but he caught it firmly in his before she could pull fully away.  Lifting it to his lips, he pressed a small kiss to her fingertips, murmuring, “Don’t worry.  We’ll find them and bring them back.”

Shepard managed a small smile, nodding slightly, but she had to look away to hide the quick tears that formed.  When he began rubbing his thumb along the back of her knuckles in a gentle motion, she knew he’d seen them.  “Why?” she breathed softly, pain seeping into her tone.  “Kaidan, you and I both know this _has_ to be someone who is after _me._  Okay, so maybe they’ve somehow involved one of the opposing clans - wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened - but who else could it be?  Why else would they take the children?”  Sighing, she stared up into his eyes for a long moment.  “Why do they keep at this?  I can handle them coming after me, but -”

Pulling her close, Kaidan gave her as reassuring a hug as he could manage while half dressed in armor.  Brushing back the hair from her face, he tilted her face back so their eyes could meet again.  “We will find them,” he reiterated firmly.  

“But we don’t even know who it is!” she reminded him.  “It could be those mercs who seem to be out to kill me, or it could be Tartarus who want to take me alive.”  She tossed her hands into the air.  “I just …”

She dropped heavily into a nearby chair and Kaidan followed, kneeling awkwardly down beside her.  Pressing a light kiss to her forehead, he repeated a third time and in a firmer tone, “We will find them.  This isn’t your fault, Shepard.  Remember that, okay?  Whatever happens, the blame lays with them, not you.”

Sighing softly, Shepard nodded.  Logically, she knew he was right.  But given her current state, her emotions were much too close to the surface for her liking and tended to dominate of late.

“Good.”  Rising back to his feet, he finished with the catches on his armor and turned to leave.  “Grunt is going to take me to the nursery first.  I’ll run some scans, see if we can’t find a few clues to help.  I’ll keep you updated as often as I can.”

She nodded again, weariness showing in every slow bob of her head.  “Who are you taking with you?”

“Liara, Garrus, Shannon and Kolyat.  Grunt and his squad will join us.”  

Shepard offered him a tentative smile.  He’d picked a good team.  “Sounds like a plan.  I’ll be here waiting when you get back.”

Kaidan looked back at her from the doorway and flashed her a quick smile.  “I am going to hold you to that.”

 

~ 0 ~

 

Shepard’s eyes stared off into the distance well after the group departed, her body leaning heavily against the wall.  Jack became antsy almost immediately - _waiting_ was not her strong point; _doing_ was - and Wrex led her off to talk with Ratch who allowed her to try her hand versus the (still) pilfering pyjacks.  Shepard agreed with the plan when told of it, chuckling softly at the biotic’s colorful comments that could be heard echoing across the compound.  She also found herself idly wondering if Urz was still around and, if that were the case, she suspected Jack might not mind quite so much.  Hell, chances were that Urz and Eezo would become best friends … which led to Shepard shuddering at the thought of possibly finding ways to house _two_ varren on board her ship ….

Soft shuffling steps pulled her from distracted thoughts and Shepard glanced over to find Bakara approaching.  “Would you not rather sit down, Shepard?” she asked in concern.  “You look as if you could sleep for years.”

Shepard sighed, but she managed a smile for her friend.  “I am exhausted, true enough,” she agreed, “but these days my back aches so much, standing actually helps sometimes.  That and …”  Afraid to give voice to her concerns, her voice trailed off before completing the thought.

Bakara made a soft hmming sound and nodded once.  Turning, she leaned against the other side of the doorway.  “Wrex told me about what happened on the Citadel last year,” she announced, turning the subject.  Their eyes met for a moment and sparkled a bit.  “He told me about you and your Major.”

Shepard chuckled, feeling only the slightest bit of heat stain her cheeks.  “And here I thought Wrex would be upset that _I_ didn’t take him to the casino that night,” she joked.

Bakara rumbled in soft amusement.  “He was … for a time.  But you know him as well as I do, Shepard, and he certainly didn’t need the added excitement.”

Shepard flashed her friend a wider smile this time.  “Yeah.  He told me how you and the other females were keeping him busy back then.”  Bakara continued to rumble, a sound that Shepard found very soothing.  Sighing softly, her eyes returning to stare outside, Shepard asked quietly, “Tell me, Bakara … how have things really been here?”

“Clan Jeratok is not alone in their complaint,” Bakara replied truthfully and without hesitation.  “Many of the smaller clans who do not have as much weight in how things are run on Tuchanka since the end of the war are attempting to stir up discontent in an effort to prove they have strong influence.”

Shepard eyed her friend closely for a long moment.  “Is their resistance something the Council needs to be concerned about?”

Bakara remained silent, head tilting in what Shepard recognized as her ‘considering’ look.  From the moment the two met, Shepard had held the female krogan in highest regard.  She was strong - physically (just ask the Cerberus idiots who had been cut down, one shot apiece) and emotionally - and very intelligent.  Shepard had felt an instant connection with Bakara at the time, and in the months since it had only grown stronger.  Shepard had nothing but the utmost respect for her, too, particularly in evaluating these types of situations which involved other krogan.  As Bakara had once pointed out, the males were too quick to turn to violence to achieve the ends they wished.  The females, however, were smart enough to think things through before acting.

“I do not believe so,” Bakara finally replied.  “There will always be those who do not agree with those who have power, Shepard.  This is politics - you know how it works.”

Shepard’s lip curved upwards in acknowledgement.  “More than I would like on some days,” she agreed.

Bakara’s smile could be seen in her eyes.  “I can imagine.”  Straightening, Bakara nodded towards the other side of the tent where a flap fluttered in the breeze.  Shepard followed.  When she arrived, Bakara pulled the flap back, exposing the view of the central part of the camp that lay below them.  In the distance, Shepard spotted a number of krogan gathered around a larger tent.  “Despite our differences,” Bakara explained, “our grumblings and grievances, and our arguments to the contrary, the krogan have one thing that unites them.  One thing that ties us all together.”  She looked over at Shepard then.  “One person to whom we owe our eternal gratitude in achieving that.  Clan Jeratok knows this.  Clan Gelut, and all the others, too.  They may protest, saying we should remain war-like and militant, but they know where our future lies.”

Shepard’s eyes were caught as she watched members of the various clans working together.  She did not need to be told what it was they were doing - the fact that all were there in that central location was enough.  A few moments later, she spotted three small groups leading away several younger krogan, many of whom were barely old enough to walk it seemed as they wobbled along, holding tight to guiding hands.  It was a sight that had her remembering Mordin.  If Bakara noticed the few tears that escaped, trickling down her cheek, she was kind enough not to mention it.

“I am sorry to have brought danger to your doorstep.”  Shepard’s voice cracked, guilt taking the upper hand as she swiped at the moisture on her face with the sleeve of her shirt.  

The grunting noise that Bakara made and the squeeze of her hand at Shepard’s shoulder, conveyed a multitude of thoughts and reactions on that particular comment.  “Danger exists in many forms,” Bakara observed philosophically.  “And you were right to come here, of all places, when you were in need.  You are Urdnot, Shepard.  We stand together.  You are krogan.  We stand as one.”

 

~ 0 ~

 

“General?”

Shepard’s eyes snapped open immediately, her eyes searching for the voice’s owner.  Blinking away exhaustion, she straightened, responding to Cortez who was kneeling beside her of all things.  She frowned as she struggled to waken fully.   “Yes?  What is it?  Are they back?”

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.  “You made a noise that sounded as if you were in pain.”

Shepard bit her lip and tilted her head slightly as she considered.  The ache in her lower back was still present - it was _always_ present these days - but other than that …  Nodding, she leaned forward and struggled awkwardly to her feet.  She gave him a quick smile as he moved beside her, offering a hand.  “Thanks.  I think I’m good -”  

Her voice broke sharply, suddenly and trailed off as she winced, the sharp lance of discomfort slicing across her belly, causing her to gasp.  “Okay, scratch that.  Not good,” she rasped, thankful when Steve moved closer, his arm sliding around her shoulders to hold her steady.  She breathed through the wave of pain until it passed and only then straightened up again with Cortez’ assistance.  “You called it, Cortez,” she admitted.  She ran a hand across the side of her belly as the pain finished clawing it’s way through her body.  A moment later, it came to an abrupt end.  Teeth tightening on her lower lip, she hissed softly, “Dammit, not yet!”

Steve’s arm tightened around her back.  “Lean on me, Shepard,” he encouraged.  “That’s it.  We should probably head back to the ship and get you under Dr. Chakwas’ care.”

Though Shepard agreed, she couldn’t help but protest, “But I need to be here when Kaidan and the others …”

Bakara stepped up beside them, moving to hold the door open so they could pass through.  Steve nodded his thanks to her.  “I tell you what, Shepard.  Once we get you to the _Normandy_ , I’ll come back and wait on them.  Okay?  But for now, we need you under the good doctor’s watchful eye.”

“Steve -”  There was a firm plea in her tone.

“I promise,” he told her firmly, “the very minute the Major gets back, I will send him your way.”  Their eyes met and held for a moment.  “He’ll be there, don’t worry.”

Shepard sighed, but nodded her agreement at last.  “Thank you.”

The return to the ship took them a little longer than it might normally have, their steps slower to accommodate Shepard’s current awkwardness, but when they finally reached the _Normandy_ , Steve handed her over to Bakara who had followed close behind.  Before boarding the ship, Bakara spoke with one of the krogan on duty just outside the hatch, a warrior who quickly acknowledged her request.  Only then did she lead Shepard onto the ship, explaining, “You have the full protection of the krogan, Shepard.”

Shepard felt quick tears rise as full realization of Bakara’s meaning became clear.  As she had always known from the day they had first met, Bakara’s presence in Shepard’s life was a very fortunate occurrence indeed.  The time for words was taken, though, as Dr. Chakwas exited off the elevator into the CIC and hurried over.  “Come along, Shepard,” she told her.  “Let’s get you to your cabin for now, I think.”

When Bakara began to back away, Shepard’s hand darted out to grasp the krogan’s tightly.  “Please?”  It was only a word, but one that was heavy in the weight of its request.  

“Of course,” Bakara replied immediately, stepping back to Shepard’s side.    

 

~ o ~

 

Between exhaustion from the completed mission and concern that his wife was having their child without him, Kaidan barely noticed the crowd of krogan warriors parting way to allow him entrance to his own ship.  Steve was with him, keeping pace and taking arms and armor from him as quickly as Kaidan could remove the items while at the same time updating him with the latest information that the doctor had relayed.  They were rounding the corner in the CIC and heading towards the elevator when Kaidan spotted Traynor.  “Where?”

“Your cabin, sir,” she told him, hurrying over to assist Cortez with the gear.  

The ride up one floor never seemed so long before.  Even as he stepped off the elevator and crossed to enter their cabin, Kaidan still felt as if he were in some sort of mad, slow-motion dream.

The first words to greet him as he entered the cabin, however, caught him completely off guard.  “Shower first,” Chakwas ordered before he could take more than a step inside the room.

“But -”

“Major, I’ll not have you send her into a sneezing fit from all that Tuchankan dust!”

He spotted her then, eyes lifting to meet his.  She was standing, he noticed, but in her eyes he could see it all: hope, fear, pain, and now relief - _all_ of it roiling around like some violent storm behind the sea of dark blue.  He noticed the pain etched in lines and creases of her face, in the way she clenched her teeth so tightly together, he could almost hear them gnashing up here.  Always so brave, never wanting to alarm anyone that she needed assistance of any kind.  She nodded once, though, and he saw her eyes soften just a bit.  

“I’ll be right there,” he promised, turning inside the private bathroom.

  


“I … want to lie down, I think,” Shepard managed, her hand reaching out to Jack first as the door shut behind Kaidan.

Jack snorted, but immediately took her hand.  “Why do you always turn to me first?” she groused, though her actions belied the heat behind her words.  “Dammit, Shepard.”

Shepard groaned through the pain, but Jack was there, helping her across the cabin floor to her bed.  Each step was a battle against the pain that she swore was going to tear her apart.  Shepard had a moment, briefly wondering if it had been worse for her mother, carrying two children at once, but that thought was chased off by the next slice of agony.  

Jack helped ease Shepard into a reclined position on the bed for the time being, but Shepard did not release her hand.  Instead, hers tightened and she whispered, “Tell me.”

Jack snorted roughly.  “Shit, Shepard.  You’ll have to be more specific than that.”

Through the pain, Shepard ignored the doctor’s arrival, seeking solace in distraction.  “London … your kids ….”

Kneeling on the floor beside the bed, Jack felt a bit of pride kick in at the request.  Of course Shepard would want to know and would think to ask.  “I told you about Ramirez, right?”  Shepard nodded.  “Those cannibal shitheads never stood a chance once she had them figured out ….”

 

~ o ~

 

Something was wrong, and Shepard knew it.  In all honesty, it did not come as any real surprise.  Ever since Cerberus brought her back from the dead, Shepard had noticed that her body seemed to react differently to drugs and medications.  The time when trying to stop Dr. Kenson that resulted in Shepard being kept unconscious for two days was one of the most blatant examples.  According to the records there, the medical staff had increased the dosage repeatedly until Shepard simply did not respond to it anymore and she woke up.  There were also those other times, mostly during the war, when Dr. Chakwas treated Shepard’s injuries.  Sure, Shepard healed a lot faster as a result of her cybernetics, but the doctor pointed out that she also metabolized the painkillers to such a degree that there was no effective reasonable dosage that could be given.  By Dr. Michel’s own admission shortly after Shepard regained consciousness during her hospital stay after the war, the only way they had kept her in a medically induced coma was to continuously feed her the drugs through her IV.

As things stood right now, Shepard knew she was in trouble.  A quick look up at Kaidan assured her that he knew it too.  She saw it first in his eyes.  The mental war against panic.  Add in the fact their daughter was instinctively fighting against the process with her untrained biotics, even as rudimentary as they were, and the long and the short of it was that Shepard was literally being torn apart from inside out.  Karin - bless her - had been trying everything she knew and some that Shepard guessed were created on the fly, but the battle was still being lost.  

Shepard missed the first signs of movement off to the side of the room, her attention focused solely on her current situation.  Earlier, Shepard had extracted a promise, albeit a reluctant one, from Karin to save the child as a last resort.  Even if it meant the loss of Shepard in the process.  The agreement had taken hours; hemming and hawing, refusing to allow that it would get that far.  Kaidan and Jack both had voiced loud protests against the idea, but Chakwas finally had to acknowledge that it might become a possibility when Shepard’s groans of pain turned into screams of agony.    

One thing was becoming clearer as the time passed, too: Shepard’s will to fight was ebbing.  Slowly, surely, it was bleeding out of her, like an untreatable wound.  Eyes seeking out the doctor’s, Shepard held them a moment before nodding, her voice a barely audible rasp.  “Karin …”  Near her ear, she heard Kaidan protest; half cry and half curse even as his arms around her tightened where he offered physical support.  Shepard reached for his arm, her hand tightening around his forearm, squeezing tight.  “Kaidan … I’m ... -”

A wave of sound, deep and rumbling, began to swell inside the room, its melodic vibrations a physical, tangible thing hanging in the air around them.  Vibrantly thrumming, it resonated through the cabin, each wave building upon the previous one.  Each note expressed a thought, conveyed an idea while enveloping Shepard, cradling her, comforting her.  Primal in nature and tone, instinct drew her to it like a moth to a flame as it wrapped her in peace.

_Bakara_.

The music - although it was a throaty, vocal sound, Shepard recognized it for what it was: music on a most basic level.  Warblings that softened the air surrounding her, wrapping around her, gently welcoming her into its fold, offering her hope and providing strength.  The language was foreign, likely something ancient and krogan knowing Bakara’s background, but it spoke to Shepard in a way unlike anything ever had before.  Emotional, spiritual, even physical in its own way, it reached out to her, touched her, imparted the sort of wisdom of the ages that Shepard had come to expect from Bakara since their first meeting.  And more, it seemed to calm the child within her ….

Shepard barely noticed as her body took over, moving of its own accord, natural instincts kicking in.  She did not hear the doctor’s quiet voice giving instructions to Kaidan and Jack, did not physically feel their touches or support as they helped her into position, her focus narrowing in so very finely to follow the path Bakara laid out for her.  She did, however, see that the end to this battle was in sight.  Through closed eyes and silent communication with her child, agreement was reached.  Everything fell into place as it should be.  She heard shouts and cries, knew them to be her own, felt the rawness of her throat in the aftermath, but in the end, it was the song that guided her along her path, forevermore unflinching from this duty.  

The song eased away as gently as it began.  As it did, Shepard felt her entire body collapse, sagging heavily against Kaidan.  Only then, beneath the struggle to recapture breaths and fight her way back to the surface, did Shepard locate the one sound that she knew to be even more beautiful than Bakara’s song.

Eyes snapping open, Shepard gasped in a breath and glanced towards the doctor.  “Karin?”

The doctor moved around the bed, reaching over to place the bundled child in Shepard’s arms.  “It would appear, Shepard, that your daughter is as stubborn as her mother,” she murmured before returning to complete the job at hand.  

Shepard’s arm trembled and Kaidan quickly moved provide support.  Ignoring the free flowing tears trailing down her cheeks, Shepard wearily tilted her head backwards, glancing up at her husband to find that his shone brightly as well, all the while the small bundle in her arms squirming with fury and quite vocally announcing to the world her opinion of her arrival.  A soft chuckle from across the room had Shepard’s gaze seeking out her krogan friend.  It took some effort, the level of exhaustion surpassed any she had ever experienced before, but Shepard finally extended a hand, beckoning Bakara over.  “Thank you,” she told her as their hands grasped on another.  

Bakara nodded firmly, her hand squeezing Shepard’s tightly.  “You are truly a warrior beyond reproach, Shepard,” Bakara said.  “Your daughter, as well.  Both of you are worthy to carry the name Urdnot.”

It took a moment for the krogan’s words to filter through Shepard’s weariness, but when it did, she found she could not help smiling.  “I now see who has the _real_ power in Clan Urdnot,” she quipped.

Bakara’s smile was evident in her eyes.  “And that is as it should be,” she agreed before turning to leave the room.  

The door closed after her, and Shepard relaxed back into Kaidan’s arms while the baby began to settle.  “What was _that_ all about?” Jack asked.

“Bakara just adopted the baby,” Shepard explained.  

Kaidan groaned, but his arms tightened around her.  “Great.  Now Wrex will have even more reason to offer parenting advice,” he muttered.

A short while later, after the doctor had completed her tasks and she, Kaidan and Jack had made sure that Shepard was resting comfortably in the bed, both the doctor and Jack left the room to give the new family time alone together.  Kaidan, who had moved across to sit on the couch while holding the baby as the others assisted Shepard, now returned to lay down on the bed with her.  The infant, now sleeping, lay between them.  “Greatest challenge of my life,” he murmured, propping himself up on one arm and reaching the other around the baby to catch Shepard’s hand in his.

Smiling softly, Shepard tangled her fingers in his and squeezed back.  “And the greatest reward,” she concluded sleepily, echoing his words from nearly a year ago.  

“That too,” he agreed softly, but by then she was asleep too.    


	39. Welcome to the Jungle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s been a long time between posts for this story - over a year and a half, my does time fly! - but as I mentioned in my previous posting, Real Life snuck up on me and has influenced a great many things. Some of them bad, some of them good. For those who don’t know, I’ve been branching out and attempting to write some original fic, and that’s mostly what I’ve been focused on the past couple of years outside of Real Life events. Still, I do want to finish telling this story, and moving forward (trust me, there’s plenty more after this!). So, without further ado, let’s get this show on the road! And as a side note, I’m already well into the chapter after this one with ideas for the one following that, so the muses have returned with a vengeance for the foreseeable future!!! Enjoy!

 

“Kaidan?”

He paused in his work, eyes lifting to glance through the glass display case.  Down below, Shepard sat on the bed, their daughter lying beside her.  It was a sight that took his breath away each and every time, and left a sweet ache of happiness and contentment in his chest around his heart.  “What’s up?” he asked, setting aside the datapad he’d been reading.  Garrus and several of the others assisted with the follow up investigation for the krogan and Kaidan was trying to get back up to speed so he could write his own report to send to the Council.  Deciding to take a break, he set it aside and descended the stairs to join his wife.

Shepard’s head tilted upwards until their eyes met and locked, and it was then that Kaidan noticed something present he rarely, if ever, had seen before.   _Fear._  “Hey, what’s wrong?”  Taking a seat on the bed beside her, he reached for her hand and squeezed in reassurance even though he wasn’t sure of the cause.

Shepard was silent for a while, but he could see she was struggling with something.  Her throat bobbed up and down convulsively as she swallowed a few times, and she kept her eyes from meeting his.  Her hand was still in his and he felt a twitch or two, but beyond that she kept her own counsel.  Their daughter, wide awake and staring up at them, simply lay there, occasionally moving a hand or leg, thankfully not fussing, but her attention appeared to be focused on them.

“Have you ever been so frightened about something, so absolutely terrified, that you felt … paralyzed?” Shepard finally whispered.

Releasing his hold on her hand, Kaidan used his fingers to stroke her hair back from her face and tuck it behind her ear.  Leaning towards her, he pressed a kiss to her forehead.  “A time or two,” he admitted quietly.  “You were usually involved.”  He heard a half-laugh, half-sob escape her lips and drew both hands up to cradle her face.  Gently, he urged her to look up at him.  “Shepard, what’s going on?” he asked.  

Her eyes closed and she leaned into his hands.  “What if …  What if I’m not good enough to be her mother?”  

The question was the barest of whispers, but Kaidan heard it and was stunned.  “Where is that coming from?” he asked in complete bewilderment.  

Her shoulders sagged a little, and he added a little pressure to his touch, silently asking she not withdraw from him.  “Look, Shepard, you are the most qualified person I know to be her mother,” he tried again.  “You are strong, a capable leader, and you will fight like hell to keep your family safe.”  He smiled when her eyes flicked up to his.  Resting his forehead against hers, he nudged the side of her nose with his own.  “I know this because I’ve seen it in action,” he added.

“Not always,” she countered.  Her eyelids dropped, hiding her blue eyes from him for a minute, but they opened again before she continued.  “I always wonder if there wasn’t more I could have done for my family on Mindoir.”

Kaidan sighed softly and silently wondered if she would ever be able to let the past go completely.  All these years later and she still was dealing with the fallout.  “You were sixteen, unprepared.  The fact you survived is proof enough --”

Shepard raised a hand to press he fingers against his lips to silence him.  “I’ve been thinking about my mother of late, Kaidan,” she told him honestly.  “Of what she must have gone through that last night.”

Kaidan wrapped his arm around her shoulders and hugged her close.  It was useless to tell her to not dwell on it, so instead he asked, “And what have you come up with?”

Pulling back, Shepard’s head dropped to stare down at their daughter.  One hand she placed on the baby’s belly, her long fingers carefully toying with the child’s hands and fists and occasionally tickling beneath her chin.  The other she returned to her husband’s hand, squeezing tightly.  “I know it couldn’t have been easy for her, raising me and Kaysey off in the colonies, even with Dad there,” she replied.  “I can’t imagine the normal fears she must’ve faced trying to raise two children in a world that could be so crazy at times.”  

Her head lifted and she met his gaze again.  Her eyes were troubled still, but behind it all Kaidan saw hints of the innate strength he always associated with her.  It was never far away, no matter how bad any situation ever got.  “That last night,” she continued, “I can only imagine it was worse, somehow.  The batarians attacking.  Witnessing the world going to hell around her.”  Her voice cracked, but she held his gaze.  “Watching as one of your children was captured and not knowing the fate of the other even as your own life was taken from you …”

Kaidan wanted to wrap both arms around her again, pull her close and promise that such things would never happen to this child and any others they might have.  Even if only to give her some reassurance with just the words.  But he knew better, just as he understood that wasn’t what Shepard was after right now.  

“I’m scared, Kaidan,” Shepard finally admitted.  “More frightened than I’ve been in my life.  Ever.”  She swallowed.  “More than on Mindoir.  More than Akuze.”

“Not Alchera?” he asked out of curiosity but his voice was tight with the memories that day brought back.

Shepard actually managed a small laugh.  “I didn’t have enough time to be scared then,” she admitted.  Releasing his hand, she lifted hers to caress his cheek.  “I was too full of regrets.  Of what you and I could have had but wouldn’t.  At least I could die knowing you all got away safely.”  

She sighed and dropped her attention back down to the child between them.  The baby caught onto one of her fingers and was making a tiny fist around its tip.  “London was different, too.  I suppose if I’d known about her,” Shepard’s hand patted the baby’s belly gently and the infant cooed in response, “I would have been terrified, but I didn’t …”  

Her head rose again and she met him eye to eye.  Kaidan saw the spark of determination now taking firmer hold, chasing the fears away.  “I will give my life if necessary to keep her safe!,” she rasped fiercely.

“You already do that every single day,” he reminded her with a warm smile.  “It shouldn’t be too difficult to extend that to include her.”

“No.”  She drew in a deep breath.  “And, with everyone else playing personal guard dog to her, I suppose she has the best we can provide.”

Kaidan’s chuckle rumbled through his chest.  “I’d say between Auntie Jack, Auntie Liara, and me this kid’s going to be tossing warps and reaves by the time she’s two.  Add in the rest, and, well ...”

Shepard’s smile nearly reached her eyes this time.  “I’m scared, Kaidan,” she repeated, only the faintest hint of a tremble in her tone, “I suppose I always will be where she’s concerned, but I can’t let that keep me from doing what’s best for her.”

“You won’t,” he assured her.  “I know you, Shepard.  You will do as you’ve always done and she will be just fine.”  He closed the distance between them and kissed her lips.  “If anything, I’ll be playing catch up.”

Shepard laughed.  She opened her mouth to reply, but Kaidan saw a startled look pass through her eyes just before her eyes shot back down to the child.  His eyes followed, a slow grin spreading across his face as he realized what was happening.  While they were talking, Shepard had continued to tease the baby with her fingers and the infant had responded instinctively with a barrier field.  “Catch up, you say?” Shepard asked, a small smirk lifting at the corner of her mouth.  “I think you’ve already been sneaking her lessons behind my back!”

 

~ n ~

 

Within a few days of the baby’s birth, Shepard received Dr. Chakwas’ permission to hold a gathering of the crew down in the mess area so that they could meet the little one.  All of the crew was present, and since they were still on Tuchanka, Shepard insisted on including several of the krogan as well.  Wrex, Bakara and Grunt were present, and Shepard extended an olive branch, allowing the Jeratok clan leader to attend as well, though Jack and Garrus remained nearby just in case.

With her husband beside her, Shepard stood in front of them all, baby resting against her shoulder.  “I know we still have several things to sort out before we leave Tuchanka,” Shepard announced, her hand gently rubbing circles on the baby’s back to keep the child settled.  Not that she was picking up on any distress, but it just seemed a natural thing to do.  “One of those things I would like to resolve today.”

Her hand slid up to cup the baby’s head and Shepard shifted her to lie in the fold of her arms so the others could see her better.  “Starting with the introduction of our newest crew member.”  Shepard took a minute to look around and noted anticipation in many faces, excitement in others, and a suspicious gleam in Joker’s.  The pilot managed to make his way down to the mess for this announcement, though Shepard had a good idea why.  “Everyone, I’d like you to meet Ashleigh Katryn Shepard-Alenko.”

Cheers and clapping rose around them.  Startled, the baby’s eyes popped open and she visibly jumped in her mother’s arms, but to her credit she did not fuss.  Not even a cry of surprise or alarm, though Shepard felt the tell tale static of a barrier field moving into place around her little body.  Chuckling softly, Shepard lifted Ashleigh so she could kiss her cheek, all the while murmuring soothingly to her.  

Those gathered began milling about once the announcement was made, and Shepard broke away from Kaidan to make her rounds.  While she was otherwise occupied, Kaidan approached the group of krogan.  

“Congratulations, Major,” Bakara said before the others could speak.  Kaidan heard the smile in her tone.

“Thank you,” he replied.  Though his words were simple gratitude, as his eyes met Bakara’s he expressed a great deal more there.  He knew all too well just how close it had been and what part Bakara had played in Shepard’s and their daughter’s survival.

“Not too bad,” Wrex agreed with a hearty chuckle.  He pounded Kaidan on his back -- something Kaidan could never quite prepare for, no matter that he knew it was likely coming.  “Looks like you’ve got your own brood started now.  Wonder how long it’ll take you to catch up?  Ha!”

“Wrex!” Bakara scolded.  

Kaidan forced himself to not roll his eyes in response.  “Don’t say that to Shepard,” he admonished only half-joking.  Turning his attention to both Wrex and the Jeratok warlord, he switched topics.  “Are your children alright?”

The two krogan leaders exchanged a long look.  “Yes,” Wrex finally responded, relief clearly evident in his tone, “thanks to you.  If you hadn’t been here --”

Kaidan shook his head.  “It’s quite possible if we hadn’t been here, this wouldn’t have happened,” he admitted openly.  “I’m just glad we could resolve it and get them back safely.”  

A sound from behind him had Kaidan turning to find the tank-bred krogan moving back to join them.  “Doesn’t matter the reason,” Grunt said, “they needed to be eliminated.”  The Jeratok warlord nodded his agreement.

Kaidan sighed.  Subtleties were often lost with the krogan.  Or maybe Wrex refused to lay the blame at Shepard’s feet because she was now Urdnot.  Whatever the reason, and Kaidan most certainly wasn’t complaining, the threat was now gone.  

“Were you able to track where they came from?” the Jeratok warlord asked.

Kaidan nodded.  “We have a few leads,” he replied.  “We’re still trying to narrow it down, but I can assure you the origination wasn’t Tuchanka or anything involving the krogan.”

“Humans?” the warlord queried.

Kaidan shrugged.  “Most likely, but not representative of the whole,” he was quick to assure him.  Looking over at Wrex, he added, “I don’t know if you are aware, and this isn’t general knowledge yet, but Shepard will be the human representative to the Council soon.”  

Wrex chuckled, the deep bellow a warm and familiar sound.  “And besides, Shepard would never stand for this sort of thing,” he finished.  “Not after what she went through to cure the genophage.  I think it’s safe to say we knew that, Alenko.”

Bakara gave Wrex a critical look.  “As leaders we cannot presume we know things,” she reminded him.  Her head swiveling back to Kaidan, she added in a kinder tone, “I can’t think of a better representative for your people to the Council than Shepard.”

Kaidan flashed her a grin.  “You might want to let her know that.  I think she still has some reservations about the idea.”

“She wants to remain battlemaster,” Grunt replied with a nod.  Wrex soon followed, as did the Jeratok leader.  

“There are all types of battlefields,” Bakara pointed out, “and Shepard knows that.  She is a leader of great skill and experience and should do well no matter which she is on.”

 

~ n ~

 

“You spelled it wrong, you don’t win the pool,” Joker stubbornly insisted.

Shepard chuckled, gently bouncing Ashleigh against her shoulder as she stood beside the pilot.  “You’re just mad because I didn’t give her the name you chose,” she replied.

Garrus, who had made his way over after Kaidan broke off to speak with the krogan, made a disgruntled sort of sound.  “I still say I won.”

“Nope.  Not if you spelled it wrong.”

The turian sighed and Shepard reached out to pat his arm.  “Don’t worry,” she told him.  “If no one got the spelling right, I’ll rule that you won.”

“You can’t do that,” Joker protested.  “You’re biased!”

Shepard grinned.  “Who’s the ranking officer on board?” she challenged.

Sighing, the pilot stopped scrolling through the datapad and glanced up at her.  “Great, now you’re pulling rank on me, Shepard?  Seriously?”

“Actually, Flight Lieutenant,” the doctor spoke up as she joined them, “if you look further, I believe you will find that I’m the winner.”

Shepard blinked at Chakwas.  “Really?”

Joker’s eyes narrowed.  “Insider information, doc?”

Chakwas ignored the jibe and gave the pilot a neutral look.  “Look at your list, Joker.  You will find that I am the only one who chose the correct name, spelling and all.”

While Joker continued to search, Garrus tilted his head at the doctor.  “How did you know?” he asked.

“I guessed the Katryn part correctly,” Shannon interjected as she walked by.  “Do I win anything for that?”

“No.”  Joker’s reply was quick, flat and final.  “Wait -- here it is.  Well, I’ll be damned.  Correct spelling and all.  No joke!”  Turning the datapad so the others could see it, he brought up the line with the doctor’s submission.  “How’d you guess that?” he asked.

Chakwas smiled as the pilot handed over the credit chit containing her winnings.  Pocketing it, she replied, “I know Shepard and the Major well enough to make some educated guesses.”

“Did they tell you?” Garrus asked.

“Absolutely not!” Chakwas retorted in a scandalized tone.  

“We didn’t,” Shepard promised.  She glanced over at Shannon.  “How’d you guess Katryn?”

The Lieutenant grinned back.  “You had me find the information on her whereabouts for you, remember?”

Shepard groaned softly, now swaying back and forth at her waist, her hand back to stroking gentle circles on Ashleigh’s back.  “I forgot about that,” she admitted.  Then another thought struck her.  “Oh, no!  We need to tell her!  She needs to know --”

Shannon raised a hand to calm Shepard.  “The Major’s already notified her,” she said.  Her smile widened.  “We were able to get a secure vidcom channel.  She sounds like quite the doting grandmother already.”

Shepard chuckled.  “I have no doubt she will be.”

Crossing the far side of the mess area, Shepard saw Liara ducking out of the crowd and towards her room.  Excusing herself, Shepard followed after her friend, arriving just before the doors to her room would close.  “Mind if I come in?” she asked quietly.

Liara smiled over at Shepard.  “Not at all,” she replied.  “But only one one condition.”

Shepard’s brow lifted in question.  “The Shadow Broker goes mercenary?” she teased.

Liara chuckled.  “I just want to hold her, Shepard,” she replied while reaching for the baby.  When Shepard handed her over, Liara pulled the child close and snuggled her against her shoulder as her friend had.  “Besides,” she added, nodding over to a stack of datapads nearby, “you have some messages from friends to look through.”

Startled, Shepard walked over and began sorting through them.  With each passing note, her smile grew.  Admiral Hackett.  James.  Miranda and Oriana.  Tali’zorah.  Even Bailey and the rest of the Council.  So many friends, so many messages of congratulation and support.  “Thank you,” she told Liara after a couple of minutes of silence.

“I thought you might like to see them sooner rather than later.”

Behind them, the doors shifted open and Shepard glanced over to find Kaidan joining them.  His eyes, she noted, immediately sought out their daughter then moved to her, though she saw no worry in them, thankfully.  Reaching a hand out towards him, she sighed softly when he took it and joined her.  He took another moment to look through the various messages before he looked up at her again.  “Have you asked?”

Shepard shook her head.  “Not yet.  I wanted to wait for you.”

Liara, seated on the edge of the nearby bed, looked over at them.  “Asked what?”

“Well,” Shepard started, turning to face her friend, “Kaidan and I have been doing some pretty heavy thinking of late.”

“About?”  Liara tilted her head towards the baby, now sleeping at her shoulder, and looked up at both parents while cuddling the infant close.  

Kaidan squeezed Shepard’s hand.  They exchanged a long look between them before he said, “We were hoping you might be willing to be Ashleigh’s godmother,” he told her.  

Moving to sit beside her friend and daughter, Shepard picked up the thread of his thought.  “Just in case something ever happened to us.  Jack has promised to be her bodyguard until such time that she can defend herself --”

Kaidan snorted softly.  “I think we both know that’ll be her entire life.”

Shepard’s lips twitched.  “Probably.  But the point is, if something were to happen --”

“Shepard.”  Clearly startled by the request, the asari couldn’t say anything more for a long moment.  Finally, she lifted the baby from her shoulder and handed her back to her mother.  “I don’t quite know how to respond to such a request,” she admitted once her hands were free.  She kept them in her lap, tangling long fingers together in a nervous gesture.  “I will of course do whatever I can to help -- that goes without saying, I hope you know that, but --”

Kaidan moved to stand beside Shepard and dropped his hand to lay upon Ashleigh’s crown.  “Do you want time to think about it?”

“No!  I mean, yes!  I mean -- oh, goddess, what must you think of me!”  Her cheeks reddened beneath the pale blue of her skin.  Taking a deep breath, she tried again.  “Yes, I will be there if the worst should happen, ready to help in any capacity that I can, offering her a home or whatever else she might need.  But --”  Liara paused and looked between the two parents.  “I certainly hope that day will never come.”

Shepard’s smile softened and she reached out to squeeze Liara’s hand.  “As do we.  However, until this Tartarus threat and the other one, are fully dealt with, we need contingency plans in place.  Just in case.”

Liara nodded.  “I understand.  I do.”  She sighed softly.  “Is this what it’s like as a parent, then?” she asked incredulously.  “This … terrible uncertainty?  The doubts?  The fears?”

Shepard nodded feeling Kaidan’s hand shift to squeeze her shoulder.  “The galaxy is a jungle out there, Liara, filled with too many dangers for us to know them all.  We’ve seen enough of that over the years, I think.  But to view it now as a parent …”  She shuddered a little, felt the baby move in her sleep against her shoulder.  

Liara took Shepard’s hand and reached for one of Kaidan’s with her other.  Squeezing them both, she told them, “I have no doubt that if you asked any of us, we would all voice the same response.  But you have asked me, and I can only tell you that with all of my heart, I will keep this promise the best that I can.”

Ashleigh shifted again, this time emitting a soft burbly coo that left all three adults smiling.  What better sign of approval was there than that?

 


	40. Let's Get Physical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been almost a year again, and my apologies. Since I last posted, I’ve lost my mother and my cat, both to cancer; my son graduated high school and is in his second week of college. To say I’ve been busy is an understatement!  I’ve also worked on some other fics that have been sitting and languishing, but finally making progress there, too.  I still intend to update this story as a whole and fix a few of the earlier chapters to match current headcanons for Serafina Shepard, though at this point I’m not sure when exactly that will happen.  I appreciate those who have been kind and patient and stayed with this story!  I promise, I will make it to the end!
> 
>  

 

Ashleigh was, as far as Shepard was concerned, quite an accommodating child.  Rarely fussy unless Shepard herself was upset.  Prone to sleeping contently, especially after feeding and while snuggled close in the arms of either parent.  All in all, she was as good as a newborn baby could be, even sleeping through most of a sleep cycle without waking from the time she was two weeks old.  

Shepard spent most of her time with her daughter those first few weeks after her birth, but there were still opportunities -- even aboard the _Normandy_ \-- to get a break now and then.  Shepard jumped at each and every one of them, not because she didn’t want to be around her child, but rather it gave her a chance to do something productive for herself.  More specifically, bringing her physical conditioning back to pre-pregnancy levels.  Ashleigh had arrived, but that didn’t mean the ‘bad guys’ weren’t still out there.  Sooner or later, they would figure out the baby was now a living and breathing on her own human being.  The nature of the target would switch, and Shepard was going to be as prepared as possible to defend her daughter.  End of story.

During those same weeks, Kaidan centered his focus on tracking down those responsible for kidnapping the krogan children on Tuchanka.  He believed, as did Shepard, they were the same group behind the attempt to force down the _Normandy_ on Noveria.  Like Shepard, he had no doubts that their daughter would now become a primary target, and if he could glean any information about potential threats from this one experience, he would.

Shepard assisted him as much as she could, but with Kaidan taking the lead in that investigation, her main focus shifted to the shuttle bay where and James left his old equipment.  She didn’t know how long it would take to track the culprits down, but she knew she wanted to be front and center once they did.  The day of reckoning would come sooner or later, and Shepard intended to be back and leading the way no matter when that was.  In order to do that, she needed to be back in shape.  She figured she owed them a one on one encounter with her at her very best.

Shepard didn’t go to any lengths to hide the fact she was back in training from the rest of the crew, but she wasn’t exactly broadcasting it across ship-wide comms either.  During the war, she’d gained a reputation for taking on any and all challenges, mostly thanks to Vega.  She didn’t have the time or energy right now to let the crew fall back into old habits.  At least, not until she was better prepared.  

Which was a sure fire way to guarantee her business was known by all throughout the ship.  They gave her some space and time and didn’t issue any challenges, thankfully.

Well, most of them, anyway.

A couple of weeks into her training sessions and during one of her evening workouts while Kaidan pulled double duty as babysitter and worked on reports up in their cabin, Shepard heard a familiar sassy voice drawl from among the cargo containers, “Well, shit.  Look what the scrawny-assed cat dragged in.”

Shepard snorted softly and continued on with her sit-ups without interruption.  If she could manage almost two hundred pull ups with Vega egging her on back on the Citadel, she could do the same despite Jack’s attempts at harassment.

“Looking pretty good there, Commander Mama,” Jack taunted while hoisting herself up on James’ old work bench.  

Another snort, this time as Shepard finished off her reps and sat up.  Reaching for a towel to wipe the sweat from her face, her eyes lifted to meet the biotic’s.  It wasn’t a challenge -- _yet_ \-- but Shepard knew Jack well enough to realize she wouldn’t have come down to the shuttle bay if she wasn’t going to force the issue.  “You should know,” Shepard retorted as she caught her breath.  “Weren’t you the one going on about the fabulous metabolism of biotics during that party on the Citadel last year?”

“Ha!” Jack chortled.  “ _This_ biotic, you mean.  And you aren’t near that biotic enough, Shepard.  Don’t even try to --”

Smirking, Shepard leapt up to her feet and turned towards her friend.  “ _I_ might not be, but my daughter is and her metabolism helped during the pregnancy.”  She smoothed down the t-shirt she wore to show only the vaguest hint of a baby bump remaining.  “That plus whatever it was Miranda did with my synthetics when she brought me back --”

“Fuck that!”

Shepard grinned and continued as if not interrupted, “-- and three straight weeks of working out equals me almost back to my old form.”  She lifted her arms and alternated while flexing her muscles.  “Good. As. New.”

Jack snorted; a derisive sound by anyone else, but from Jack a sound of acknowledgement.  “‘Old form,’ she says.  You went soft back when the Alliance locked you up and you know it!  You weren’t even close to being on top form during the War.”

Shepard’s brow arched.  “You think dancing around one-on-one with a Reaper was easy?”

Jack clapped her hands together as she jumped back to the floor.  “Better moves than on the dance floor from what I heard,” she said.  “Commander Fucking Shepard, playing chicken with a Reaper.”  Jack paused, true astonishment filling her eyes as she stared at Shepard.  “What the _hell_ were you thinking?”

Hesitating herself, Shepard thought back to that time.  She tossed the towel onto the barbell rack and ran her hands over her face, breathing, “Lord, what _was_ I thinking?”  She gave Jack a bemused expression.  “I really did that, didn’t I?”

“You knock your head or something, Shepard?  Or are you just getting forgetful with old age?”

Shepard stuck her tongue out at the younger woman.  “You wish.”

Jack lifted two fingers to her lips and whistled shrilly.  A moment later, Eezo came bounding over from Cortez’ side of the bay.  Gesturing the animal to sit nearby, she turned back to Shepard.  “Working out and getting into shape is one thing,” she said as she walked into the center of the bay.  “Actually _being_ in shape and using it in combat’s another.  Let’s see whatcha got, Methuselah.”

“You sure you want to do that?” she asked, grabbing a hair tie and twisting her ponytail up and out of her face.  “Vega got his ass kicked most of the time when he challenged me.”

Jack snorted.  “Muscles isn’t here right now and I’m a helluva lot better than he is.”

Shepard side eyed her friend.  “Oh?  You think so?” she replied in a deceptively mild tone.

Jack’s smile was as sweet as it was confident.  “I _know_ so.  Oh, and no biotics,” she added while removing her jacket and tossing it aside.  “Don’t want you whining that my kicking your ass isn’t the real deal.”

Shepard sauntered out to the middle of the bay where there was room for them both to maneuver.  “Name your rules.”

Jack followed, ignoring Cortez, Butler and Simmons on the far side of the room whose attention turned towards the two women.  “All solid, unblocked hits are fair.  Each one is a point.  Each round is best out of seven points, and we’ll say … three rounds for now?”

Shepard tilted her head slightly.  “That all you got, Jack?  Or are you the one feeling her age?”

“You survive that without trouble and we’ll go from there,” she chortled.  “I don’t want Chakwas breathing down my neck that I hindered your recovery or anything.  Oh yeah, and just to go easy on you -- no biting or hair pulling.”

Shepard took a minute to stretch -- she had no doubt Jack would bring in any and all forms of fighting she’d picked up over the years whether regulation Alliance training or not -- and finally nodded as she settled back into a neutral stance.  “Deal.”

 

~ n ~

 

Kaidan didn’t mind babysitting Ashleigh while Shepard was working out and he sorted through reports.  Most of the time, she slept right through without even waking, and the few times she didn’t he counted as special bonding time between her and daddy.  This was one such moment.

Cuddling his daughter close to his chest, Kaidan walked around the cabin.  He’d discovered early on she was content to listen to his voice, and so held a datapad in the other hand, reading the contents aloud in an effort to soothe her and still work at the same time.  Somewhere between the Caleston Rift and the Eagle Nebula, Kaidan heard the buzz of the intercom at the door.  “It’s open,” he called up, carefully shielding his daughter’s ear as he raised his voice.  He blinked in surprise when he spotted Dr. Chakwas entering.  “I’ll admit, doctor, you are the last person I was expecting this evening.”

Karin chuckled as she descended the stairs to the lower level.  “I am not prone to making house calls except under, shall we say, extreme conditions,” she told him.  “Then again, you may well have that yourself.”

Kaidan frowned.  He had no idea what the doctor was talking about, but he could tell by her tone that whatever it was didn’t bode well.  “What do you mean?”

“I am here to babysit for you, Major,” she replied, reaching for the infant.  “You may wish to investigate certain … activities currently underway in the shuttle bay.”

“Activities?”  Kaidan released his hold on Ashleigh without argument.  “What’s going on, doctor?”

“The last I saw, Jack was headed down there and she was on a mission.”  The doctor gave him a knowing look.  “Please inform them the medbay will be closed this evening and if they require anything more advanced than medi-gel, they will have to wait until morning,” she added archly.

“Medi-gel …  Oh hell!”  Her meaning suddenly dawned on him.  “I’ll be back as soon as I can, Karin,” he called over his shoulder.  He tossed the datapad on the desk while bounding up the stairs and through the doorway.  As the door to the elevator closed behind him, he could have sworn he heard the doctor chortling in amusement.

Without stops, the ride from the loft down to the shuttle bay only took about a minute and a half.  Today, it seemed ten times as long.  Kaidan wasn’t so much worried about Shepard and Jack fighting against one another -- he thought he had their relationship figured out for the most part -- but the other biotic liked to stir things up, especially when she thought they weren’t moving at a fast enough pace.  If what the doctor was suggesting was accurate, that was what was taking place right now, and God only knew what he’d find on the other side of those doors.

Stepping out into the shuttle bay, Kaidan’s eyes were immediately drawn to the crowd gathered in the center of the room.  Raspy breaths, harsh grunts and the occasional sound of flesh hitting flesh gave him enough clues to figure out what was happening.  Kaidan pushed his way through the crowd, the observers parting like the proverbial Red Sea to let him through.

 

~ n ~

 

“That … all you got ... Shepard?” Jack demanded, her breathing broken and raspy, hands hanging in loose fists at her side.

Shepard moved in a circle around the biotic, her hand swiping up to wipe away a trickle of blood from her nose.  She ignored the loose strands that had fallen free of her ponytail.  Her own hands raised between her and Jack, she kept her eyes solely on the biotic’s.  “Not … even … close.”   

Jack chuckled heartily enough, her own steps mimicking Shepard’s.  “I’ll admit -- I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long.”

Shepard only grunted.  She had a plan, more or less, but knew it would depend on if Jack kept her word or not.  It wasn’t that she thought Jack lied about not using her biotics, but whether she would hit a frustration point and fall back to instinct.  It was a test of sorts.  One that, if she figured it out, Shepard thought she might not appreciate, but oh well.  Benefits of rank.  

Jack threw a punch with her left followed immediately with a sweeping kick with her right leg.  Shepard blocked the throw with her arm and jumped just enough to miss the swipe.  Grinning, Shepard continued shuffling around the circle.  “What was that?” she goaded.  “Maybe you need to stick around for me to teach you how to fight?”

Jack snorted and threw a right at Shepard this time, again blocked.  “We all know why I’m hanging around,” she rasped.  “ _Some_ one has to teach that kid of yours to fight!”

“Uh huh.  In the sandbox, maybe.”

Jack laughed, pausing her steps just a minute.  Bending at the waist, she rested her hands just above her knees and greedily sucked in air.  

Intrigued by this, Shepard followed suit, lowering her arms part way but keeping them prepared just in case.  Until the laughter didn’t stop and she realized that Jack was completely serious.  Lowering her arms, Shepard rasped, “Wait … you mean that?  You’ll help teach her?”

Jack stared up at Shepard.  “Didn’t you hear what I said?  Someone has to.”

“What about me?” Kaidan called out as he stepped into the impromptu fighting ring in front of them.  “It isn’t like I’m untrained, you know.”

Straightening, Jack faced him.  “Yeah, but you think like a boy scout.”  She gulped in a deep breath.  “Not that it’s a bad thing,” she added quickly, “but she’s gonna need more than that.  A few tricks only someone who’s been in the trenches can provide.  I’m no boy scout.”

Shepard smirked.  Lifting a hand to wipe the blood from her nose as it eased down, she murmured dryly, “No kidding.”

But Jack had turned completely serious, her eyes narrowed, focused and shining with determination.  It was a look Shepard recalled seeing when the younger woman talked about her students.  “Take a look in the mirror, Shepard.  You’ll see those pretty blue eyes still openly displaying that Pollyanna attitude you were famous for.”  Jack grunted in disgust.  “This kid’s gonna need to know some down and dirty tricks in order to survive.  Neither one of you are prepared for that.  Are you?”  She looked at Shepard first who had the decency to remain silent.  Kaidan simply looked abashed.  “Teach her,” Jack told him.  “You’re right -- you’ve got what it takes.  But I know more.  I can help her find advantages that will save her life in the most difficult of situations.”

Shepard frowned.  “What do you mean?”

“You’ve got one group trying to kill her -- she’ll need to know how to get rid of them fast and quick and send a lesson at the same time.  Biotic or not, she’s gotta have the skills of a back alley street urchin on Omega.”  Jack rolled her head and neck until it popped.  “As for Tartarus or any other assholes trying to kidnap her, she’ll need to know how to break free of bindings, bypass a locked door or just rip someone to shreds.”

Enlightenment had power, and this time was no different.  Logically, Shepard knew all of this.  She’d been in the business for too many years, seen some of the worst life had to offer, to not understand.  But the truth of the matter was, she hadn’t fully accepted it.  Oh, she knew -- _planned_ , even -- that her part in protecting her daughter was necessary.  So had Kaidan.  But Ashleigh was barely two months old and they were discussing her training like it was morning coffee talk.

Kaidan reacted without thinking, his arm shooting out to slide around Shepard’s waist in the same moment her legs gave out.  “It’s okay,” he murmured, “I’ve got you.”

Jack, eyes still glittering, nodded at him.  As Kaidan started leading his wife towards the elevator, she called after, “You’re good, Shepard.  One of the best there is.  The entire galaxy knows that now.”  She waited for Shepard’s eyes to find hers one last time.  “But I’m better and I can guarantee your kid’ll know how to survive _anything_.”

The crowd had already started to disperse, and once Kaidan and Shepard were gone, Jack released a sigh.

“That was pretty harsh, don’t you think?” Cortez asked, daring to approach the biotic.

Jack scowled, eyes glaring.  “Reality’s harsh, Cortez.  Just calling it as I see it.  As I _know_ it.  Besides, wasn’t like they didn’t already know.”

Cortez lifted his hands as if in surrender.  “Be that as it may, you could have approached things a bit more gently.  Shepard’s done a hell of a lot for you -- for us all -- over the years.  You could at least --”

Jack spat out a curse, turning to stride past the man and follow to the lift.  “And I just paid her back in _full_.”  Eezo came bounding over to his mistress’ side, entering the elevator when it opened.  

Sighing, Cortez turned back to his station.  Things were always tense when Jack was around, he knew that.  But this?  There was something else driving her this time, something he hadn’t seen before.  Whatever it was had cut deep with Shepard and the Major.  Cortez only hoped it hadn’t cut _too_ deep.

 


	41. Turncoat

_“Dropping into orbit around Korlus, General.”_

_Korlus_.  A number of memories were associated with this planet, and not all of them bad.  Shepard wished Grunt were with her this time, if only so he could have a sort of homecoming in the process.  Shepard’s eyes drifted over her current squad.   _We’ll do just fine_.  Hand rising to trigger her comm link, she replied, “Thanks, Joker.  We’ll be back soon.”  

Disengaging her conversation with the _Normandy_ pilot, she turned a half step to her left, partly entering the cockpit and finding Cortez ready and waiting.  “Get us down there, Steve.”

“You got it, Shepard.”  His hands began moving across the panels as he carefully maneuvered the transport out of the _Normandy_ ’s shuttle bay.  “ETA twenty minutes.”

“Miranda’s intel seems a little … sketchy, Shepard,” Garrus said as Shepard returned to the back of the shuttle.  “Do you really think it’s worth investigating?”

Shepard’s gaze found his, eyes narrowing with intensity.  “We can’t afford not to,” she replied.  The shuttle bumped and jerked its way through the atmosphere before leveling out once more, and she automatically tightened her hold against the wall.  She was focused -- possibly _too_ focused -- for this mission.  The closest she could think to compare it to was being at one end of a tunnel and seeing the light at the far end.  Nothing else mattered but getting to that light and, in this case, dousing it.   _The threat must be eliminated_.  

It was too much to hope that by removing this one any others would fall away, especially if there were other people after Ashleigh than Tartarus and this particular band of mercs.  But Shepard had built her career on hope -- hope for others, for those who couldn’t fight for it themselves.   _Hope for people like my daughter_.  

“General?  You might want to come see this,” Cortez called from the front.

Shepard glanced over at Kaidan.  Had he heard the sudden concern in the pilot’s voice like she had or was she imagining it?  He nodded and rose beside her.  Together, they joined Steve.  “What have you got?”

The pilot pointed out the windows as they descended.  Before them on the planet’s surface was a crudely created landing pad and on it, several smaller, fighter sized ships.  “Those look like the ones that tried to take us out on Noveria,” Kaidan observed.

“Damn,” Shepard muttered, an appreciative smile curling at her lips, “Miranda’s good.”

“That’s a pretty standard fighter, General,” Cortez pointed out.  “Anyone who wanted one after the war could and probably did get their hands on one, and that includes mercs.”

“Maybe, but how many mercenary groups are active just now?” Kaidan countered.  “Or, let me rephrase that -- how many who would have the money, knowledge or ability to get their hands on them, and be tied into anything involving us?”

Steve shook his head.  After the war, groups like the _Blue Suns_ , the _Eclipse_ , and the _Blood Pack_ were focused on rebuilding after suffering great losses at the hands of the Reapers.  There was a tentative peace between them and the Alliance in return for their assistance during the war.  To break that now, to do so against Shepard, the one who had united them in the first place, was tantamount to declaring open war.  “Probably not many, you’re right about that, sir.”

Eyeing the landing pad and surrounding area more closely, Shepard patted Cortez’ shoulder.  “Don’t worry, Steve, I’m not counting chickens yet.  Have you seen any activity down there?”

“No, ma’am,” he replied.  “That’s the other thing -- our sensors, as state of the art as they are, suggest the place has been abandoned.”

The sound of footsteps approaching from behind her had Shepard glancing over her shoulder to find Garrus joining them.  “Problem?” he asked.

“Not sure.  You remember the last time we were here?” she asked in return.

The turian nodded.  “Yeah.  Too bad we don’t have Grunt with us this time.”

A fond smile passed over her lips briefly.  She really did miss having a krogan in her squad.  Instant tank.  “As I recall, we had to make do without him then,” she pointed out.  Moving aside, she pointed below.  “Those ships … pre-War or post do you think?”

Frowning, Garrus took a look then eyed the scanners.  “If you’re asking if that’s one of the Blue Suns bases from last time, I don’t think so,” he told her.  “The ships are probably war era, but they don’t seem to be powering up.  I’m also not detecting any active scanning of us, either.”

“Yeah,” Cortez added, “it seems quiet.”  He hesitated, pulling up another scan.  “ _Too_ quiet, if you get my meaning, ma’am.”

Shepard sighed.  She leaned back against the wall for a moment, considering all options and tactics.   _Nothing else makes sense._  “An ambush.   _Fuck_.”  She sighed again, before turning to head towards the rear of the shuttle.  She was not looking forward to having to tell Miranda she’d been played.  Again.

Garrus glanced at Kaidan.  “She’s been hanging around Jack too much,” he muttered, then followed after Shepard.  Kaidan said nothing, joining them a moment later.

 

~ n ~

 

Grunting and dropping to a crouch behind the edge of a wall so she could reload her Widow, Shepard muttered over her comm, “Called it.  Am-fucking-bush.”

“You’re right,” Kaidan responded after a moment.  “She’s been hanging around Jack too much.”

“You can pay me later,” Garrus promised.

“Har har har.”  Lifting her Widow, Shepard used the sight to scan ahead of them.  So far they’d worked their way through at least three squads of mercs, and shots were still zinging in their direction.  “Shannon, do you have a better visual over there?”

“Sorry, General, no,” the lieutenant replied.  There was silence for a moment, then, “If you give us a minute, Liara’s going to do that shield barrier thing and we can move up closer --”

“Negative,” Shepard said, cutting her off.  “Backtrack and make your way to us.  We’ve got line of sight over here, at least.”

“Roger that.  Be right there.”

Chewing on her lip, Shepard lowered the Widow and reached instead for her Tempest.  Across the way, Kaidan caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and raised a concerned brow.  “Are you sure?”

She nodded.  “We’re going to have to get up close and personal for this, I think,” she answered.  “I can re-evaluate when we get up there, but it looks pretty closed in.  Tight like the barracks in basic, you know?”  He nodded.  “Won’t be able to get a good line of sight for my Widow in there.”

“What about the Mantis?” Garrus asked.  “I just need somewhere high.”

“Not looking like there’ll be anything like that available,” she said.  

Shuffling steps from behind announced Shannon’s and Liara’s arrival.  “Sorry, General,” Shannon murmured, dropping down beside her.  

Shepard smiled.  “Nothing to be sorry for,” she said.  “We’ll get them another way.”  She shifted her gaze over to Liara.  “Why don’t we try that barrier field down this path, hmm?”

Liara moved up closer to peek around the corner.  She grimaced.  “Open field, Shepard.  What’s that Earth expression?  We will be ‘sitting ducks?’  I’m not sure how long I can hold it if we’re taking direct fire.”

Shepard lifted a hand and pointed ahead of them.  “It fans out up there.  Just get us close enough where we can take cover behind their equipment.”

“They’ve got a small communications room on the left,” Garrus broke in.  “It appears to be walled off from the main room, so we might need to split up.  However, we’ll need to do something about that so they don’t call for reinforcements.”

Nodding, Shepard warned, “Just check for anything that might help our side.  Kaidan, give him a hand?”

“Not a problem,” he assured her.  “You want us to join you after?”

Shepard eyed Shannon and Liara.  “How comfortable are you two with a frontal assault?”

“Just like old times,” Liara muttered while replacing the clip on her pistol.  Over the comms they could hear Garrus chuckling.  

“I’m ready when you are, ma’am,” Shannon assured her.

Shepard smiled, her eyes finding Liara’s.  “Light her up.”

 

~ n ~

 

“Shepard, I can’t hold this much longer,” Liara warned as they neared the arched entryway carved out of stone, strain clear in her voice.  

Eyes scanning ahead, Shepard evaluated the situation.  They’d taken out another three or four mercs along the way, but from what she could tell the room ahead was clear save for one person on the far side.  One person who didn’t appear to be concerned with fighting against them.  “Lower it,” she murmured, patting Liara’s shoulder.  “And thanks.”

Liara managed a weary smile.  “Anytime, Shepard.”

“Shannon,” Shepard gestured towards the right side of the room.  The lieutenant nodded and hurried over.  Shepard moved up the opposite side.  

The room itself was on the large side.  The length of two or three biotiball courts at least, and twice as wide.  It was a mixture of barracks, storage facility, and command center, from the look of it.  If Garrus was right, the communications room was just off the right side behind the wall separating them from Shannon’s current position.  

Slowly, carefully, Shepard crept forward, a few steps ahead of Shannon and Liara.  It wasn’t that she was trying to make herself more of a target than the other two, but she certainly wanted to be the one asking questions … if this even got that far.  She thought it peculiar the lone remaining merc just stood at the desk on the far side of the room, not paying any attention to them at all.  She couldn’t tell if he had weapons or a computer or anything else, and in the back of her head a voice was screaming, _TRAP!_

She was less than a hundred feet from him, his back still towards her, when Shepard waved at Shannon to slow.  Liara had moved up behind her and she followed suit.  Shepard, continued forward with cautious steps.

At thirty feet, Shepard slowed further and her eyes narrowed on the man.  He was wearing armor, battered and beaten, and there were some markings on it that were familiar.   _Too_ familiar.  He wore a helmet, though, and she couldn’t get a good enough look to be certain just yet.  If it was who she was thinking, it was possible his armor had been stolen or traded, though she doubted it had been parted with on favorable terms.  Not when she knew the man who owned it as well as she did.

At ten feet, his hand rose and released the seal of the helmet.  Lifting if off his head, he dropped it to his right side, away from Shepard.

Inhaling sharply, Shepard ignored the lance of pain and whispered, “It had to be you, didn’t it?”

The merc, old, grizzled and war beaten, turned towards her.  His arm rose, pistol in hand, and he aimed it at her chest.  “How many times did I warn you, Shepard?”

Sighing in disgust, her own weapon never wavered.  “Warn me of what, Zaeed?  Betrayal?  I’ve had my share of that -- enough to last a lifetime, don’t you think?  Maybe two?”

His laugh was short and dry and pure Zaeed Massani.  “I told you it would come down to this one day, didn’t I?”

“Back in the early days just after you joined the group, maybe,” she allowed, “but you changed.  Why now?  What the hell reason could you have to go after an innocent child?  After _ME?_ ”

His one good eye looked her over head to foot slowly.  “So, it’s true?  Guess you are looking curvier than normal these days.”

Shepard’s eyes narrowed but she ignored the remark.  He was trying to get a rise out of her and she wasn’t going to fall for the bait.  “Never took you for one to notice before, Zaeed.”

He shrugged.  “Your eyes were elsewhere at the time.”

Internally, she was shaken, no doubt about it, and was slowing her ability to read him and his body language.  “And you aren’t answering the question.  Why go after a defenseless infant?”

“You know what it’s like,” he challenged.  “It’s business.”

“So … what?  You didn’t know it was me?  You thought it was some other Commander Shepard?  Some other Savior of the Galaxy’s kid?  Why not break the contract once you knew?”  Her eyes hardened.  “Why not warn me, tell me who wants me and mine dead, instead?”

“I gave my word, Shepard.  You know I can’t break that.”  

Behind her, Shepard heard hesitant footsteps and guessed that Liara and Shannon were moving up behind her.  “You were loyal to me once, Zaeed.  You even stayed to fight the Reapers.  Why turn on me like this?   _Why now?_ ”

His arm wavered slightly, a motion that reminded Shepard of someone in pain, but he brought it back up level with her chest before she was forced to take advantage of the moment.  “I was never loyal to anything more than the money put in front of me.  Business is business.  What can I say?  With the Reapers gone, all I have left is this shit.  Gotta make a living somehow.”

Anger and frustration surged through Shepard with terrifying intensity.   _Please, don’t!_ she begged silently.  “Back off, Zaeed.”  As stricken as she was inside, her tone brooked no argument.  She was used to giving orders, and no order was ever more important than this one.  “Refuse the contract.  If you don’t, I’ll have no choice but to take you out.  Right now.”

Zaeed snorted loudly but said nothing.

“What makes you think I won’t?” she demanded.

“The fact you didn’t last time, I reckon,” he countered cockily.  “It’s not your nature, Shepard.  People like you see the good in everything.  You want to talk things out.  Settle things ‘amicably.’  Old shits like me just shoot to kill.  It’s what we do.”

_He isn’t going to stop_.  That realization solidified with the movement of her finger, pulling on the trigger without flinching.  A brief burst of fire sprayed from her Tempest across his chest.  “People change, Zaeed,” she told him as he dropped to his knees, weapon falling from his hands.  “Circumstances change.  This is _MY_ child you’re talking about.  You come after me and mine, all bets are off.”  She met his gaze one last time, taking in the curve of his lips even as he breathed his last gurgling breaths.  Without another word, Shepard turned and walked away without looking back.  It was easy to do; the ache in her heart distracted her from everything else.

 


	42. Seeing Red

Shepard was the first off the shuttle, storming out of the craft with a thunderous look that had seasoned crewmen backing off a good distance to remain out of her way.  It was rare for her to reach a point of ‘seeing red’ when angry, but  her reputation preceded her for the few occasions she had in the past.  Discretion was, as the saying went, the better part of valor.

Kaidan watched her hop into the elevator, slamming her hand against the panel to indicate her destination with enough force and sound to carry across the shuttle bay.  It left him wincing.  But it was the sight of her eyes before the doors closed that hit him hardest.  Shepard had a history pock-marked by tragedy and betrayal.  Mindoir started it all and was devastating beyond words, he knew that.  Akuze as well.  The results of Virmire probably came closest to mimicking this particular mission that he’d ever witnessed personally, but minus the sense of betrayal she’d gotten at Horizon.  He was to blame for that and time had helped them both through, though he suspected it still rankled if she focused on it too much.  Mars, Tuchanka, the Citadel, and finally Earth.  None provided exactly the same context as this situation, but each contained an element that came close.  Each was a wound that never really healed.  In the end, Korlus would probably end up just another to add to the already long list.

“Kaidan?”

Shaking free of his worries, he turned his attention to Liara.  “Hmm?”

“I think I have found something in the information you and Garrus pulled,” she explained.  “It’s encrypted, so it may take me a while to sort it all out, but I think I should be able to get it --”

He nodded in understanding.  Following her and Garrus to the elevator, he boarded and ran a hand over his face.  Shannon managed to slip in with them just before the doors closed.  “Do it,” he told Liara.  “We need to know what was going on and who was behind it.  I won’t hold my breath there’s anything really useful, but ...”

“But you never know,” Liara added with a nod.  “We’ve both been with Shepard long enough to know that.  I will do my best.”  

The lift came to a halt at the crew deck, and Liara jumped off first, hurrying towards her quarters.  Garrus, Kaidan and Shannon all exited as well.  “Not heading upstairs just yet?” Garrus asked in surprise.

Kaidan shook his head and turned towards the medbay.  In all honesty, he was torn.  Shepard needed him and he understood that.  He _wanted_ to be there for her.  But right now, after what she’d just gone through … well, he was well aware of the crew’s views on things.  He’d been one of the ones to teach them, after all.  “I need to talk to Karin first,” he replied.  It wouldn’t hurt to have the doctor’s insights on how to approach Shepard after this.

“You won’t have to go far,” the doctor interjected from behind as she joined them.  “I assume you’re looking for advice on how to deal with Shepard’s current mood?”

“Current mood?”  Startled that she was already aware something was wrong, it took Kaidan a long minute to fully understand exactly what she was saying.  “Wait -- did she come by here?”

Chakwas nodded and pointed towards the lounge.  Sighing, she added, “I made the mistake of suggesting she go up and see Ashleigh.”  

“How is that a mistake?” Garrus asked.

The doctor’s eyes locked onto Kaidan’s as she replied to the group, “I wasn’t aware that something had gone wrong.  Not until she flat out refused, no explanation.”

“Refused?  That’s … odd,” Shannon said quietly while frowning.  “Shepard adores Ashleigh.  Why would she --”

“I think I know.”  Running a hand over his face, Kaidan continued, “Ashleigh tunes into every mood we have when we’re around her.  Happy, sad, irritated -- you name it, she’ll pick up on that.”

Karin nodded.  “Babies do that.”

“But you know Shepard -- she’s good at hiding her emotions from everyone.  Ashleigh picks up on them, no matter how well she tries masking them,” he explained.  Snapping his fingers, he concluded, “Just like that.  Hell, sometimes she’s the same with me.  There’ve been times she starts fussing before I even realize I’m reacting to anything.”

Garrus chuckled softly.  “Your daughter has better tracking abilities than my visor.”

Shannon bit back a laugh unsuccessfully.  The doctor looked away to hide her amusement.  Kaidan simply closed his eyes; there was a level of truth to the turian’s comment he wasn’t quite ready to face just yet.

The doors to the observation deck hissed opened as Kolyat left the room.  He turned towards the mess hall, but Shannon waved him over to join them.  “Have you seen the General?” she asked.

Kolyat nodded.  “She spoke briefly with the doctor before heading into the lounge,” he replied.  “She … Her voice was not raised, but she appeared … agitated?  I am still learning to read human body language.  I am not certain if I --”

Kaidan nodded.  “She was upset,” he replied.  When the doctor lifted a brow in question, he added, “She had to kill a friend.”

“What?”  

Karin’s eyes darted quickly between Kaidan, Garrus and Shannon.  Before he could explain further, Garrus stepped in.  “It wasn’t one of us, doctor, it was Zaeed Massani.”

“Zaeed?  Why on earth …. No, no,” she finished, changing her mind and waving off any replies.  “Don’t tell me.  I think I am better off not knowing.”

“She had no choice,” Shannon insisted.  “He gave her no choice.”

A buzzing at Kaidan’s omni-tool pulled him from the rest of the conversation.  Stepping aside, he answered the summons.  “What do you have, Liara?”

“I need to see you as soon as possible, Kaidan,” the asari replied.  “It’s … there’s more to this than meets the eye.”

“Of course there is.”  Kaidan glanced over at the turian, sighing and shaking his head after his input.  “We’re out here on the crew deck,” he told her after a moment.  “Me, Garrus, Shannon, Dr. Chakwas and Kolyat.”

There was a pause in the call followed by the swooshing of doors.  Kaidan ended the call when he spotted Liara walking towards them.  Without a word, she handed over a datapad.  Kaidan scanned it quickly, his brows furrowing the further he read.  When he reached the end, he handed it over to Garrus.  Turning to Liara, he said, “Does that mean what I think it does?”

Liara nodded, but it was the doctor who spoke up.  She now held the datapad in her hands as she skimmed over the information.  Passing it along, she looked over at Kaidan and Garrus.  “It means Zaeed Massani was dying,” she told them.  “If that information is accurate, and I have no reason to think it isn’t since I recognize that physician’s name, he had barely six months left to live.  Six excruciatingly painful months.”

“Oh, shit.”  Shannon dropped her eyes, head shaking.  Then, looking up at Kaidan, she added, “Dad told me about stuff like that he sometimes came across when he was with C-Sec.  They call it ‘suicide by cop,’ at least in his line of business.  The victim doesn’t want to live through what’s to come, but they don’t want to pull the trigger themselves.”

Garrus, too, was shaking his head.  “That doesn’t seem possible.  Zaeed was as strong and brave as any of us when we worked together against the Collectors.  During the war, he --”

“A terminal diagnosis can change that,” Karin interjected.  “One like this would likely have frightened the hell out of him.  I know it would me.”

Liara nodded.  “I didn’t want to believe it,” she admitted.  “Not after getting to know him, but …”

Kolyat handed the datapad over to Shannon.  “If you will excuse me, I think I will go and have a word with the General.”

Garrus opened his mouth to protest, but Kaidan stopped him.  “Let him try,” he said quietly.  “Remember, his father was in a similar situation.”

“How do you figure that?” the turian challenged.  “Thane went down at the hands of Cerberus working on _our_ side, not all but begging for one of us to end it for him.”

Kaidan shook his head.  “Don’t you think Massani had the chance to kill her if that was what he was really after?” he asked.  

Shannon, nodding, agreed.  “I think by the time Shepard reached him, she suspected who he was.  She did her best to be prepared -- she didn’t lower her weapon or take her eyes off him for one minute.  But she struggled.”  She sighed.  “And he knew it.  Yet he didn’t strike.”

Liara swallowed tightly.  “He really did want her to kill him.”

Kaidan nodded.  “And knowing Shepard, she won’t want to accept that, either.”

 

~ n ~

 

The room was too small.  She’d been stalking around it since confronting the doctor on her way in, but it was.   _Too.  Damned.  Small._  Pausing for the umpteenth time, Shepard ran her hands over her face, covering her eyes and biting back the wail of protest that had been clawing at her throat since finding her friend in the merc base.  

_How could you do that, Zaeed?  Why?  Why me, of all people?_

Anger -- true, roiling, fire-breathing fury -- burned the back of her throat in a scream, but she refused to give it release.  Never before had she given into it fully like she wanted, but she’d come close on occasion and with very good cause.   _Mindoir_.   _Akuze.  Virmire.  Mars.  Earth. …_    

Spinning on her heel, she made her way around the bar, dropping to pull out a bottle of whiskey and a glass.  She poured three fingers full before capping the bottle off, and had it halfway to her lips before she recalled this being Zaeed’s favorite.  The glass fell from nerveless fingers, tumbling across the counter, the contents forming an amber colored puddle that eventually seeped across the surface to find an edge, trickling over to the floor while Shepard simply watched it.

_Damn you, Zaeed!_

She ignored the sound of the doors sliding open and shut, and was preparing an appropriately chastising dressing down for whichever hapless crewman had dared walk in on her when she heard Kolyat’s voice.  

Her first thought at hearing his voice was that it was Thane.  For just a moment, she could almost believe it …

“Shepard, do you recall the day we met?  The day you helped my father ‘save’ me?” Kolyat asked.  He cautiously moved into the main part of the lounge, coming to a halt dead center.  “I was angry, I didn’t want to listen, but you told me my father was dying and he wanted to make up for past mistakes.”

Shepard’s eyes squeezed shut, hands braced against the bartop unmindful of the liquid pooling around her fingers.  Short breaths filtered in rapid succession through her nose and her pulse began to increase its tempo, memories swarming over her.

“I thought he’d come looking to find peace for himself,” Kolyat continued, venturing another step inside the room, another step closer to Shepard, “but he told me he came to grant _me_ peace.”

Shepard bit her lip until the metallic taste of blood slipped across her tongue.  Staring at the floor, she whispered, “He … your father didn’t want you to suffer because of both his and your mistakes.  You were the one thing he took pride in, Kolyat.  The one thing outside of the life he made for himself that --”

Kolyat closed in another couple of steps.  “I know,” he assured her, “and I think he would tell you now that your mistake was not in trusting Zaeed Massani or in killing him because of the threat he posed to you and your family, but in forgetting that we can _all_ be forgiven.”

Sniffling, Shepard lifted her head to look over at him.  He took another couple of steps towards her, and she spotted the small prayerbook in his hand.  A smile curved at her lips even as tears began to trickle down her cheeks.  “You still have it …”

He nodded.  Lifting the book, he opened it to a familiar page and began to read.  “ _Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness.  Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand.  Kalahira, wash the sins from this one, and set her on the distant shore of the infinite spirit.  Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention.  Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve.  Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me._ ”  

He looked up at her afterwards.  “Life is filled with difficult choices, Shepard.  I didn’t understand that before, when I was younger.  But my father did.  Through him I was able to find my way forward.  You have proven many times in the past you can make those choices.  Perhaps that is why you face them as often as you do -- you have the strength the rest of the galaxy doesn’t.”  He shrugged.  “I’m not one of the priests,” he admitted, “and my contributions are limited, but if you need my help in any way, all you must do is ask.”

Shepard nodded, afraid to trust her voice just then.  He turned to leave, but before reaching the door, she called out, “Kolyat?”  He turned back to face her.  “Thank you.”  He nodded then exited the room, leaving her alone.  Taking a deep breath, she reached for a towel to mop up the mess she’d made.  

 

~ n ~

 

Her relationship with Thane had been complicated, to put it mildly.  In him Shepard had found a kindred spirit of sorts, as well as hope.  She’d been angry -- much too angry -- at the time, early days into the mission for Cerberus and yet just after seeing Kaidan for the first time on Horizon.  What was the line Kaidan had used back on Earth right before that final battle in London?   _Crazy messed up kid that I was …_  If there’d ever been a time when Shepard had been close to the edge like that, it was in those days just before she met the drell.

Almost from the beginning, he’d guided her.  Small ways.  Big ways.  Subtle or obvious.  Shepard had grabbed hold of that and held on for dear life.  Unbeknownst to herself or to Cerberus at the time, being brought back to life as she had started her on a frightening downward spiral.  Thane provided a safety net, a hand to pull her back from the edge of the abyss.  

She didn’t often think back to those days except in moments like this.

The doors whooshed behind her again.  She wasn’t certain how long had passed since Kolyat left, but she’d had time to clean up the mess she’d made.  Now, sitting on the couch beside the large window, she pulled her focus from the stars outside to the hazy reflection in the glass.   _Kaidan_.  

Where Thane had been her safety net, pulling her back from that spiral, Kaidan had been her anchor, keeping her locked in exactly where she needed to be.  As much as she owed Thane, she owed Kaidan, too.  

Turning, she wiped her eyes free of tears and managed a half smile.  “Hey.”  

“Hey.”  He moved further into the room, dropping onto the couch behind her.  “Better?”

Groaning, Shepard shook her head.  “I … I don’t know,” she rasped honestly.  “Kaidan …”

He slipped his arms around her from behind, dropping his chin to her shoulder.  “I can only imagine how you must have felt having to pull that trigger on someone you know and care about,” he murmured.  “We’ve both been in that situation before --”

Shepard snorted a short wry laugh, but her shoulders shuddered at the memory of standing face to face, gun to gun with him on the Citadel over a year before.  “God … Kaidan, why?  Why does this keep happening?”

“I could say it’s because we’ve taken on positions of leadership, of accepting the responsibility to make those choices for those who can’t,” he replied.

She groaned again because she knew he was right.  “But … why _him_?”  She chewed her lip for a minute.  “You know that old expression, ‘seeing red’ when you’re angry?”

“Yes.”

“That’s … that’s where I was,” she admitted.  “It’s not a place I like to go, not one I’ve gone to much in the past, really, even during the worst times.”  Turning in his arms, she looked up into his face.  “Only two people have ever seen me there and were able to keep me from falling over the edge.  Thane and you.”

Kaidan shook his head.  “I would hardly say you’re seeing red right now,” he pointed out.  “Whatever Kolyat told you --”

“He reminded me of his father’s role,” she whispered.  “Thane and I met shortly after Cerberus brought me back, after you and I ran into one another on Horizon.  I was angry.  God,” a soft, wry chuckle escaped, dripping with sarcasm and dryness, “that doesn’t even begin to cover it.  But he grabbed hold even before I realized it.  He caught me, kept me from following a path that might have ended a very different way, had he not.”

“And how do you see me doing the same?” he asked.  “If he’s the one who saved you -- and don’t think I’m not grateful for that,” he added quickly.  “I am.  Very.”

Shepard managed another half smile.  “I know you are,” she replied.  “Thane stopped my fall, but you … you anchored me.  You kept me from returning down that path.  I won’t say it wasn’t a challenge at times.  We both know it was.  But in the end, you kept me here.”  Leaning in towards him, she kissed his lips.  Just the briefest ghost of a touch.  “How do I thank you for that?”

“You already have many times over,” he said.  He brushed some of the long dark strands of her hair away from her eyes.  “Shepard, about Zaeed.  There are a few things you need to know.  He had a reason for doing what he did.”

She grimaced, head tilting away.  “I know,” she spat out.  “ _Business is business_ , he said.”

“No,” Kaidan countered, handing over the datapad he’d brought.  “Actually, it was something else.”

Shepard took the pad and scanned the contents.  She winced at the end, felt another sharp tug at her chest.  The anger was still simmering and volatile, but it was buried for the moment.  “The minute I realized it was him, I knew I no longer had his loyalty,” she muttered.  “He left me with no other choice.”

“You assessed the situation, you made the call.  That’s all you can do in a situation like that.”  He set the pad aside and pulled her back into his arms.  

“Yes,” she agreed, “but was it the right one?”

Kaidan sighed.  “The father and husband in me won’t hesitate to say yes, absolutely,” he admitted.  “The soldier?  Remember what you told me after the coup attempt when I rejoined the crew?  The same thing applies here.  You made the call and we’ll back you up on that, no matter personal opinions.  It was the right call.  In this case,” he reached down and took her left hand in his, thumb rubbing over the gold band she wore on her third finger, “it was the only one you could make.  And Zaeed knew that.”

Inhaling deeply, Shepard finally tucked the residual anger and frustration away.  She would likely never fully understand why Zaeed did what he did.  He was dying, okay that was a reason but it was so incongruous to what she’d come to know about him over the years.  She knew there had to be more to it, but whatever it was, if anything, died with him.  

Pushing herself away from Kaidan, she turned to face him.  “Can we go find Ashleigh now?” she asked.

Kaidan nodded, but chuckled as they both rose.  “You might want to take a shower first,” he pointed out when she gave him a questioning look.  Gesturing towards her armor, Shepard noticed the spatter of dried blood.  

“Ah.  Good idea.”

 

~ n ~

 

“I can’t believe that bastard --”

Seated on the couch in the cabin, Ashleigh snuggled up against her shoulder and sleeping contentedly, Shepard breathed deeply and waved her free hand at Jack.  “Let it go,” she advised quietly.  

“But --!”

“He was dying, Jack,” Kaidan called out from the desk above the pair.  

“Then he was a fucking _coward_ ,” she spat, clearly not wanting to let the issue go.

A soft buzz at the computer above brought Shepard’s gaze upwards, catching Kaidan’s through the glass of the display case.  “Something up?” she asked.

“Liara’s on her way,” he explained.  “Something about the Shadow Broker receiving a message intended for you?”

Rising to her feet, Shepard crossed the cabin and set Ashleigh into the small crib beside the bed.  She covered the infant with a blanket before turning back to face Jack.  “Look, I know it’s hard to accept, but whatever his reasons, we have to respect --”

“ _Why_ , Shepard?” the biotic demanded.  “Why do we have to respect it?  He was leading the band of mercs trying to _kill you and Ashleigh_!  There’s nothing that says I have to respect _any_ thing about him after that!”

Sighing, Shepard distracted herself by running her fingers through her hair, combing the lengths back out of her face and loosely braiding it into a long plait down her back.  Truth was, she could understand Jack’s frustration all too easily, for that matter it was still simmering and ready beneath her surface, but a part of her honestly wanted to find a way to remember the better times.  Tough bastard as he’d been, he _had_ been on their side through most of the worst shit over the past few years and he’d provided her with insight she might otherwise not have seen.  Was she copping out because she was trying to move beyond the worst of it?  

The question was still nudging at her brain when the doors to the cabin slid open a moment later.  Glancing across the room, Shepard spotted Liara as she entered the room.  “Shepard,” the asari greeted her.  “I have something you need to see.”

Shepard frowned.  “You look a little rattled, Liara,” she observed as she walked over to join her friend.  “You okay?”

Jack, still refusing to back down, turned away.  She stalked angrily over to the couch, dropping back into the seat with a loud thwump.

“Actually, I’m not sure,” Liara explained.  

Kaidan left his desk and joined both Liara and Shepard.  “What’s going on?”

“Well, remember how I told you I found that information encrypted on the data you and Garrus collected from the mercenary base?” she asked.  Kaidan nodded.  “Decrypting it apparently triggered something else.  At least, I think that’s how it was set off.”

“Set off?”  Shepard’s brows furrowed.  “How do you mean?”

“The decryption on the file wasn’t all that challenging,” Liara explained.  Sighing, she continued, “I suppose that should have been my first clue something was wrong, but I missed it.  I was distracted by the information in the file and coming on the heels of the mission ...”

“We were all upset by what happened,” Kaidan reminded her gently.  

“Yes, well I still knew better.  I’ve been at this job for a while now, and --”

A ping sounded at Shepard’s wrist, the noise loud enough in the cabin to startle Ashleigh into moving and fussing softly.  “Kaidan?” she whispered, head tilting.  He nodded and made his way over to comfort their daughter.  Guiding Liara over to the couch, Shepard sat.  “So how did this trigger something else?” she asked.  

“I didn’t realize it at the time, but a while after I decrypted it, I received a message from an unknown source,” Liara explained.  “An unknown source that asked me to forward a message to you.  I’m still trying to trace it’s origin.”

Shepard blinked.  “What message?”

Liara shook her head and shrugged.  “Unlike the encrypted data, this one was much more difficult.  I couldn’t crack it.  In fact, when I tried, it told me that if I didn’t forward it to you -- and it was implied that it would somehow recognize you had received it -- the message would self destruct and --”

A loud, derisive snort reminded them of Jack’s presence.  “Great.  The Shadow Broker is now an agent of the Shadow Broker,” she muttered.

Shepard rolled her eyes before dropping them to her omni-tool.  Pressing a button, she opened up the device, searching for the message.  “I’ll assume this is it?” she asked, tilting her wrist towards Liara.

The asari nodded.  “Yes.  I have no idea what it wants in the way of identification --”

“ _Shepard._ ”

Shepard inhaled sharply as Zaeed Massani’s voice echoed out from her wrist.  “The message is from _Zaeed_?”

Liara’s eyes widened in shock.  “Shepard, I’m so sorry!  I --”

Glaring, Jack lurched forward to her feet.  “That no good son of a bitch --!”

“ _Shepard, if you’re getting this message_ ,” Zaeed’s voice continued, “ _you pulled the goddamn trigger and I’m dead.  You saved me from having to make two of the toughest choices of my sorry life._ ”

“Fucking hell,” Shepard muttered.  She closed her eyes tightly, but not before a tear trickled out of one, winding its way down the side of her nose and trickling off the tip of her chin.  “Dammit, old man …”

“ _Figure I’ll just get this out there for you.  I’m not a sneaky shit like the Broker is.  Yeah, I took the job.  I knew upfront it was you they were after.  Knew they wanted you and the kid gone permanently.  Don’t know the why, though.  That stuff’s for brains smarter ‘n mine.  You could sort it, I reckon.  Never intended to fulfill the contract, though.  Been dragging my sorry arse for weeks.  Finally found a way to get the coordinates of this shithole to you, though.  Tell Miranda I owe her for that._ ”

“He knew,” Kaidan said quietly as he walked over to join them.  “Somehow he knew where to find her.”

Shepard shook her head.  “Not necessarily.  You know how she is with us -- she could have had some emergency drop box for the others, too.”

“ _Attached is what I know of the asshole out to get you.  New band of mercs, not organized enough to have a big name just yet.  Leftover pirate asshole in the Terminus, I think.  Something about a personal grudge against you, from before the war.  Told him he was an idiot to go against you, that you’d make him pay for it, but he didn’t want to listen.  Told me if I didn’t want the job he’d find someone else.  So I took it.  Had to watch out for you and that kid of yours somehow._ ”

Jack snorted again.  “Son of a _bitch_!  Well, at least he wasn’t _that_ far gone in the head.”

“ _Wasn’t how I wanted things to end, you know that, but … well, thanks, Shepard.  What’s that old saying?  Two birds, one stone?  You’re one hell of a shot.  Never forget it._ ”

The message ended and left the room in silence for a moment until Jack, exuding anger and irritation and a matching biotic aura building to prove it jumped up and stormed out of the cabin.  Liara followed soon after, though her biotics remained in check.  

“Shepard?”  

Kaidan’s voice was the balm, the _anchor_ she needed just then.  Rising to her feet, she turned to face him.  Ashleigh was sleeping in her crib still, so she pulled Kaidan up to the small office so they wouldn’t disturb her.

“I want to punch something,” she muttered, her eyes dark blue and glittering with suppressed emotion, “but I won’t.”

“Because he didn’t tell you sooner?”

She shook her head.  The braid, not tied off, started to come loose and her hair flew around her shoulders with the motion.  “Because he didn’t let me say goodbye.”  Kaidan opened his arms and she stepped into the embrace.  Her throat hurt holding back tears.  “The son of a bitch helped us.”

Kaidan’s arms tightened around her.  “He did.  He cared enough to run interference and give you the information to take out the threat.”

Sighing, Shepard took a step back.  “That probably won’t be long in coming, either.”

“I’ll get this information off to Hackett and --”

Shepard shook her head.  “Check with Liara first,” she suggested.  “I can almost bet you’ll find the Shadow Broker has taken care of things.”

He laughed softly, rubbing a hand across his chin.  “I keep forgetting the Broker’s on our side.”

Biting her lip, Shepard glanced up at him.  “Kaidan …”

He brushed her hair back, leaned over and kissed her.  “It wasn’t a perfect solution,” he agreed, clearly guessing her protest, “but he didn’t betray you.  Not like you suspected.  He took two bad situations and found a way to make them as right as possible.  Give him that.  Because of him, our daughter will have one less threat against her in the coming years.”

Shepard nodded, breathing in deeply.  “Right.  You’re right, of course.  Doesn’t make it any less painful, but …”

“Acceptable?” he offered.

She shook her head.  “Not quite the right word.  Tolerable, perhaps.  As tolerable as it can be, I suppose.  Damn him … he always did want to run security for me.  Remember that time on the Citadel?”

“At the party?  Yes.”  Kaidan smiled.  “It was his dying wish.”

Looking across the room, Shepard’s eyes fell on her daughter, safe and secure in her bed thanks to the actions of one old man.  “Yeah.”    

 


End file.
